Dear Mandy,

Proposal Daisakusen

I was watching this Japanese Serial entitled Proposal Diasakusen, starring Tomohisa Yamashita and Masami Nagasawa, and it's a really touching serial. The serial is about Iwase Ken (Tomohisa) who's witnessing the wedding of his childhood friend, Rei (Masami). However, he's always loved her, but he never confessed to her. So on her wedding day, he finds himself being extremely wistful, and wishing that he could turn back time to change what happened. A fairy living in the church that Rei's getting married, gives him the opportunity to change that. During the photo show of Rei's past, almost every picture that was taken with Ken and their clique showed Rei having an unhappy face. The fairy sends Ken back to a few hours before the picture was taken to salvage things, and also to give him a chance to profess his love for Rei. I'm at episode 4 now, and each turn, the things don't always go as planned, but he somehow manages to make Rei smile eventually, and make things work out, with the end product Rei's smiling face on what was supposedly a frowning picture, and an increase of Ken's importance in Rei's heart.

What this show taught me... is that very often, we don't realise that we're doing things that either hurt others, or that we've been misunderstanding people. Ken has a 2nd chance to make things right.. but what the fairy said in the closing minutes of Episode 4.. that a person's heart takes things that go beyond the limit to make a difference to it's feelings. And it made me extremely wistful.

At this point in time, or rather, after watching Episode 4, i felt extremely wistful. I wish that I had a close friend, someone that I could tell anything about everything, and knowing that I won't be misunderstood, or that I'd have to explain about stuff. And well, there's a lot of things that I think I'd have changed.. one of which would be making time to meet up with really close friends that might have become like how Rei is to Ken... knowing everything about each other... but minus the lack of understanding of Rei that Ken has...

There was a special someone that I though could have been that person... but after a certain journey.. it seems like our friendship isn't even... a friendship anymore. It's perhaps this that's the most hurtful of all that has happened thus far, but I didn't realise it until now... I really miss the times we had, the conversations we shared, and the unspoken understanding that existed... in short, I miss you as that extremely close friend that I share everything with.

The Lord has been faithful, and has provided for me more than once, and been my best friend of late... but there are times when I wish that there was a soulmate amongst one of my friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to all my friends, and to my closest of all, like Jacob, Zhiyuan, Cheryl, Priscilla, Deborah, and so on.. but more to an extent that I wish that... it was like that of how Ken is to Rei.

I don't know how to describe it, but if you watch the show... you'll understand what I mean... =)

Emotional person signing off. =)

Dear Mandy...

The picture that we took before we went for our first ever Open Water dive in Tioman

I just returned from my diving certification course in Tioman, and the experience is completely and utterly fantastic. There's completely nothing else like it, being perfectly honest, and when I went for the trip, I prayed to the Lord, asking Him to fill me with amazing awe and wonder at His creation: nature. Something that no man made object can exemplify, though we often admire the majestic and sturdy view of the skyscrapers which are man made contraptions.. to me, nothing beats the feel of nature, the peacefulnees and tranquility of relatively untouched habitats, and just revelling in the glory of God's wondrous creation.

Of course, the journey wasn't all that smooth sailing to begin with. The choppy waters in the middle of the night saw our boat ride resemble that of a mini roller coaster... we would rise up really high, come back down really low... and the whole trip just really made sleeping difficult as well. One of us, Hui Lin, being prone to motion sickness, ended up vomitting the whole of the 3.5 hour ride from Mersing jetty to Tioman island.. and yes, we reached Tioman at about 3am plus, where we got our rooms (which are quite nice actually) and just prompty concussed after changing out of our attire, brushing our teeth.

(From L to R) Meng Siong, ShuYu, Kathrine, myself - just before we descended to the sea bottom

Meng Siong and myself in the water posing during a skills session underwater

The first day saw us going out for our open water dive, which basically was 2 dives, swimming out to House Reef for a test on our basic skills, and even to have a glimpse of what Tioman promises... of course, at House Reef, it was really just the barest minimum.. and already, we saw Sea Urchins, Sea Cucumbers, Stone Fishes, and a lot more... really, it was already a breathtaking sight to behold.. God's amazing wonders.. and it really left me in awe of what God can really do. The underwater world.. =)

The Stone Fish

We had to study for our test at 6.30pm after that, and we spent close to 3 hours plus just studying. The heat of the day as well as the comfort of the location lulled me to sleep for 15 minutes.. but the test came soon enough, and well.. we all passed.. *yay* and the food there is really quite good actually. =) But of course, they had a BBQ buffet dinner, which ended in a heavy shower and a blackout that lasted from the night, 8.30pm all the way until the time we left, it hadn't been resolved yet.

We are Pro Muggers!!!

Well, we spent close to 1 hr just sitting outside on the verandah, feeding mosquitoes, listening to songs from our handphones, and talking, I started getting very reflective actually, and I think it was kinda obvious. Hahah.. the night didn't go very well, cause we slept with the windows open, and the mosquitoes had a field day coming in to feed. *Rolls eyes*

This was just before we descended on our first ever leisure dive!

THe next morning, we went for our leisure dive!!! YAY!!! Oh gosh, we did the "Giant Stride" entry into the water, and we saw so many things!!!! Corals, more sea urchins, beautiful colourful fishes, some eels, a big pomfret lookalike, Clown fish.... really wonderful things. THe best part of the dive for me, was feeding the fishes undewater with bread. THere were two awfully cute black and blue fishes that came to eat the bread off my hand... and they nibbled my fingers. Hhaha.. very ticklish sensation, but still adorable. =)

Lionel feeding fish with bread

Really beautiful corals

Fishes!! of unknown species

Sea urchins
A school of fish!!

At the end of the dive, a picture underwater!

The dive trip ended with the 2nd leisure dive... and we headed back to SIngapore. The company that I had with this trip, Simply Scuba, were really great instructors, and the friends that i went and got certified with... Shu Yu, Kathrine, Hui Lin, Zhiyuan and Meng Siong were relatively good company. Just glad abt it.

(From L to R) Kathrine, ShuYu, Yanto (DM), Meng Siong, Lionel (Instructor), ZhiYuan, HuiLin, myself

Really needed God's strength this period of time, and true to His promises, what I prayed for came true. I'll just revel in the wonders of God's creation, and plan my next trip! =)

Dear Mandy,

I guess that there comes a time when you realise that you've lost a part of yourself... the direction that you've always adopted, and of course, that startling realisation that you've kinda lost sight of a lot of things in your life.

Jacob pointed out to me the day before that I seem to be rather unhappy with stuff... that... well... there's a part of me that seems to have died away. He did catch some vibes from me... the truth being that I am still pretty much the happy-go-lucky person that I am, and still jovial and everything, but beneath all that, there's a underlying sense of unhappiness that seems to sap the genuine joy that I used to portray every now and then.

Perhaps I do know what's causing this unhappiness, and I just can't seem to muster up the courage to face it, or to even reflect about it, and spend time with God regarding it. But as what Kristy and Jacob say.. I can't keep hiding away from it forever. I guess I'm going to have to face up to it soon, and I somehow can sense the Lord beckoning me to come unto Him...

I've been keeping myself extremely busy of late... in some sense, not wanting to face up to what has come. But the Lord showed me that it won't work that way, using the Step Up programme and 2 consecutive weeks of mistakes to show me that even if my heart is there... if I'm using it to avoid from a problem.. then it still affects my performance. Many a time, it's the grace of God that leads me through it all.. but I know that I can't take it for granted, though I keep falling short of the mark.

Been busy with Project CLASS, STEP UP Programme and MAGICBOX merchandise sales.. so if anyone's interested in selling merchandise at Esplanade, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! =)I've got a few pictures to show...

My Project CLASS Group - RAINBOW

I love the sandcastles!!!

Nice huh? Hahaha.. i really like them! =)

Dear Mandy,



This song... is the first ever Japanese song that I ever fell in love with, and now, here it is, the complete MTV, with English subtitle translations. I love the lyrics, I love the meaning, and I love the emotions invoked by this song.




This is the first Korean song that ever melted my heart... because of the true simplicity of the meaning of the song, and the honest opinions that were brought out by it. =)

Well, if it's not too much, take a listen. =)

Dear Mandy,

I just watched another sad tearjerker movie, and in contrast to the sweet comedy I watched in the morning, I really like this one.


The whole synopsis can be found in this website: http://www.lovehkfilm.com/panasia/heavenly_forest.htm

Well, the movie has a very subtle plot, and in some sense... the girl Miyazaki Aoi portrays (Shizuru) reminds me of myself... haha... ok, so I'm not entirely like her... but in some areas.. I feel it's the same. I have to admit though, I'm not nearly as strong as she is... how she befriends Miyuki, the girl of Makoto's dream, despite her love for Makoto... and everything. But it does become obvious.. (perhaps cause I think too much into the whole plot and everything). But then again, this movie made me think about a lot of things...

What's better: to love or be loved. I know that everyone has their own mixed opinions about things... but I do believe that to love is better. Because love doesn't necessarily mean having to be together with that person for you to get happiness. I believe that true love is to see the people (or in this case, person) that you love being happy. And I know now that indeed... this is what I should do. =) Perhaps I really did set off on the right direction.. but to those who know what I'm talking about... I guess I really saw the light. =)

It seems that everything of late was preparing me for this? Listening to Evelyn Tan's old songs yesterday, Deborah talking to me about really giving up everything to the Lord, and now the movie, Heavenly Forest. It was really giving up on your own love so that your own love would be able to move on with life, and handle your departure better. It's... really a very huge sacrifice. I found myself wondering... would I be able to handle such a sacrifice? Would I even be able to make such a sacrifice? One can only wonder.. it's easy to say "Yes I can" right now... but when it really happens... how many of us can say "Yes" then?

Honestly... It's a call to really evaluate everything that's happened, and even find some time to reflect upon all that has happened, and to really tune my attitude, preparing it for the next semester, and also, for the next chapter of life that looms ahead for me... and amazingly, whatever I was sharing with Pearlyn just now was also in tune with this.

"You are your greatest teacher."

I was sharing with Pearlyn that this quote is quite true... because... we decide our attitudes. And our attitude determines what we want to learn, what we want to absorb, what we want to retain, does it not? And I resolved that... because God is concerned with the state of the heart most, and our attitudes are a reflection of the state of our heart. So I resolve to try to maintain this... the human mind's fickleness I know too well of.. so I wanna just try to make this happen...

Well... this is a new step out. I'll take it in faith. =)

Dear Mandy,

Well... today, i got a new baby!!

Tee hee... meet my new hi-fi player that can play CDs, have an FM radio, and plays through my IPod as well! Haha... and the sounds system is goooood! =) Of course... when this baby came in... I had to do some stuff...


Well, on the left is the cleared table.. looks so empty right? That's when you end up looking on the right, which are all my table's stuff on the floor.. haha... yes yes.. I got a lot of junk on my table right? So that's why I had to clear my table!!! Haha.. i dumped lots and lots of stuff.. stuff that honestly, I've been keeping quite nostalgic moments... but in the end, I decided to do one clearance, and was more selective than I ever was.. and now, this is the end product!!

It's definitely more spacious and neater than it used to be... haha... happy happy happy!!! So now my new baby is on my table, and now I don't have to worry about no music... or rather... the hassle whenever I wanted to play music. Haha.. happy happy!!

Dear Mandy...

Sometimes.. guys can be complete jerks... seriously.. I just came off the phone with Maggie... and what she's told me (I'm not comfortable sharing what she told me), i deduce that some guys can really be complete jerks... of course... I also have to admit that there are some girls who can be jerks too... but somehow or rather... I just don't understand some things...

What does it take, being honest, to make a difference? What does it take to be what people would see as a good husband? And where is the line between loyal faithfulness and blind dumbness? I guess that's something that I'll never really be able to find out. It's really... just... that feeling of not knowing where i fit in, or where I belong that really scares me and makes me think about what life is all about; wondering what God has planned for my life... and the whole uncertainty of it all has this mysterious feel, but also this apprehensive ambiguous feel. Like... you're stuck in the middle, and you know not of what may be, or what will be.

After the conversation with Maggie.. something she told me really struck me, and got me wondering.. I shared it with Deborah, and both of us kinda... feel the same way, given that both of us are undergoing something similar at the moment... I'll share my interpretation of what Maggie told me:

"You chose this path, so please be happy... for you had a choice, but I didn't really have one."

I know.. I know that God gave us the ability of choice, which is also one of God's greatest gifts to us. I do believe that I have the choice to decide how my attitude to life is going to be. It's just difficult to always stay the same... you can decide today you wanna be the most optimistic person in the whole wide world, and the next thing you know.. your whole world comes tumbling and crashing down on you, and you're left wondering what hope is there left to be optimistic.

But there's always hope... it's just hard to cling onto it when all you see is that little speck of light that signifies hope in an otherwise completely dark environment. But then.. you take baby steps towards that light, and you don't know it then, but every single step that you take is an increase in the hope that you harbour. At this moment, I believe that that's me. I'm trying to remain optimistic, trying to reach for that light... and I'm growing in hope each step I take. It's definitely encouraging to myself.

Of course.. I couldn't have made it without some people who've stuck by me, or given me sound advice all this while... Cheryl, Deborah, Maggie, Kristy, Audrey, Priscilla, Felicia, Xiaoyun, my "daughters" Serene and Yi Wei, Joel, Isaac, Zhiyuan and Jacob... and it's really been nice to know that there're always people who'll be there for you when you need them. Of which, Kristy's advice, Priscilla's constant presence, Deborah's companionship and Maggie's phone calls have been really heartwarming.. and I want to thank God for always being there. Really really thank you to everyone.

Today's "Step Up" BBQ went well, and praise God for good weather and good fellowship. But as the night drew to a close, and we had our debrief.. I couldn't help but notice that there were things that we've been overlooking, despite the relative success of the event. But one thing is for sure, is that, along the way, we've made considerable progress. Whenever I think back of the first day we ever had the programme to the current location that we're in, I really give thanks to the Lord. But as the new semester is to begin, I urged them to also begin on a new slate. Forgetting our past disappointments, discouragements and doubts, and to really refresh our spirit in the Lord, and starting on new ground. Each of the facilitators have their own strengths, and we have to tap on that aspect, as well as learn and improve ourselves from each other to grow stronger. So far, we're really starting to complement each other... and I believe that it's really all God's amazing grace.

So, as we forge onwards in hope, let us also forge forwards with our walk with God. =)

John 14:6-
'Jesus answered, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Dear Mandy,

I got tagged by XiaoWei to do this... *grumbles*... this daddy sometimes is taken advantage of by his daughters...

1.At what age do you wish to get married?
- I thought about this seriously before.. between 29 to 32.

2.If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 4 buddies you'd take and why?
- If i can choose, I'd take a lot of people.. 20th, JB Tribe, some close friends. BUt if I die die have to take only 4... I'd take Zhiyuan, Jacob, Cheryl, and Kristy.

3.Where is the place you want to go the most?
- A place where the beach is tranquil, and is serene...

4.If you can have 1 dream come true, what would it be?
- That everyone around me can be happy

5.Do you believe you can survive without money?
- Yeah.. definitely... the most precious things in the world cannot be bought!

6.What are you afraid to lose the most?
- My close friends, my family... but most importantly, I don't want to lose God.

7.If you win $1 million, what would you do?
- $1 million? I'd keep 20% for myself, donate 20% of it to the church for the furtherance of God's kingdom, donate 20% to a community cause, 10% to my parents, 10% to my sister, and the remaining 20% to be distributed to the needy.

8.If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
- If that person is the one meant for me, as ordained by God, He will tell me if I should.

9.One bad point the person who tagged you has got.
- YiWei: she's my "daughter". Haha.. blur. =)

10.Is everything possible to you?
- If God ordained it, it will be possible.

11.What kind of person do you hate the most?
- Arrogant, self-centered and insensitive.

12.If you are given the chance to go back to the past and make a difference, would you?
- Yes.. there're just too many things that I would have loved to change...

13.What thing cannot be seen by the others the most?
- For me.. I believe it's the state of the heart.

14.Any wisdom to share with your readers?
- 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 6 says "⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."

15.If there's a war happening in your place, are you going to move to a safer place, or fight?
- Respond to the activation. Bid farewell to my loved ones, and go in with the purpose of fighting my best, because I want to protect them.

16.If you have the chance, which part of your character would you lik to change?
- Well.. God created me the way He deemed me as perfect... isn't it? =)

17.Who is the person you can share all your problems with?
- There're a few. I'd rely on God first and foremost.. but I know that where I need confidantes, I have people like Deborah, Kristy, Zhiyuan, Jacob, and even my sotong babies! =)

18.What do you think the most stupid thing humans can get into?
- Well.. if it was stupid, then that would mean everyone has probably done it before right? -_-""

19.What does love means to you?
- Love... is unconditional, love is patient... love is an unexplainable phenomenon

20. Tag 10 people to do this...
- I'm not tagging anyone... =)


There!! DOne!! Xiaowei!!!! U cannot complain le! =)

Dear Mandy,

Sometime back.. I started thinking about what is loss, in actual reality. No prizes for guessing that I've been through a bit of a rough patch, and I'm still healing (no, nobody passed away yeah?), but along the way... I guess I started to attempt to understand just why things happen the way they do.. trying to think about what God has in plan for certain things happening the way they do. My conclusion? I don't really know either. I cannot fathom the wonders that God has done in my life and in the lives of others, but I cling on to His promises of a future to prosper me, and His plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Then.. i watched "Message in a bottle". And what I'm going to do now, is to give you the very first letter that Theresa ever found, that was written by Garrett for Catherine in a bottle Theresa found by the sea.

"Dear Catherine,

I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in so long. I feel I've been lost; no bearings, no compass. I keep crashing into things; a little crazy I guess. I've never been lost before- You were my true North. I could always steer for home when you were my home. Frogive me for being so angry when you left. I stil think some mistakes were made, and I'm waiting for God to take them back.

But I'm doing better now. The work helps me. Most of all, you help me. You came into my dream last night with that smile of yours that always held me like a mother, rocked me like a child. All I remember from the dream is the feeling of peace. I woke up with that feeling and tried to keep it alive as long as I could, and writing to tell you that I'm on a journey toward that peace. And to tell you I'm sorry for so many things.

I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you so that you never spent one minute being cold, or scared, or sick.

I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words to tell you what I was feeling.

I'm sorry I didn't fix the screen door. I fixed it now.

I'm sorry I ever fought with you.

I'm sorry I didn't apologise more; I was too proud.

I'm sorry I didn't bring you more compliments for everything you wore and very way you fixed your hair.

I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength that even God couldn't pull you away.

All my love,
G"

And then, it kinda struck me there and then.. that in all honesty, loss is something that happens so that we can start to appreciate things more. Well, it isn't the only reason for the existence of loss, but in this simple.. letter.. it really showed me what loss could be to some people. It's a reminder of the things that you could have done.. it's a reminder that you shouldn't miss any chance to show people how much they mean to you.

Even as I sort of handle the sudden change in events between a close friend and myself, handle the stress of "Step-Up" programme and Magicbox merchandise sales, I come to realise that I have to rely on God for strength to be strong for others.. and in some way, myself. I cannot deny that things between us are awkward, to say the least, but I believe that both of us know what we need to do.. we just need time? Then I turn to God's promise.. that in His time, He'll make all things beautiful (Ecclesiastes 3:11) .

I'm learning as I go along.. but trust me when I say that I'm not sharing much of what has happened to me these days, because I'm not really comfortable with it. Well.. people who know me, know how I'm like (yes Kris.. I can hear you scolding me already..). So there's really no point asking or probing. I'll tell in due time.. when things are more or less evened out.

Please watch Magicbox! Details are on www.magicbox.com.sg !!

Well... I guess that if I find a purpose in doing something, then it all somehow gets better? I went for community service on Saturday... cause I went for Project S.M.I.L.E. (Spreading magic in love everywhere) and one of the course criteria was to go for this community service at NUH, to perform what we learnt for the children's wards and the elderly wards... and to be perfectly honest... I found so much meaning in the entire thing. My feelings were a bit warped... when I performed for that one kid in the A Class ward, who was flown in straight from Indonesia for a gall bladder operation, it filled me with emotions that had been long missing... I couldn't believe that once upon a time, I was his age... and when we performed each trick, his looks of innocent awe, and childish surprise, completely took my breath away, because I realised.. that for that short 10 to 15 minutes of performing for him... I allowed myself to forget about this skeptical world that we live in, and just to be amazed by the wonder of childish innocence and naivity, that which Jesus probably always wished that we would keep... Somewhere along the way, before I left, i reached down to hi-5 him, and he did just that, but he also gripped my hand tightly for a fleeting moment... I don't know.. but I just felt a bit... liberated? =)

The elderly side... they made me feel that the world has been harsh to some of them, where others make me feel like all they want is a little attention, and a little concern. There was this uncle.. who had problems speaking? And we couldn't really understand what he was saying really.. and though initially i felt that you know, he wasn't convinced by our magic? But after a while.. I saw that he just had problems communicating with us. And it kinda... brought this warm feeling? I dunno... then before we left, he held my hand so tightly.. and i managed to understand him trying to encourage us to keep trying. Such simple moments.. yet such impactful emotions. Wow.

I guess that God is there with me all this while.. I just need to trust Him. =) Be a surprise ambassador for Him! =)

Dear Mandy,

Well... perhaps Martina McBride's song best sums it up?

Till I can make it on my own. =)

Dear Mandy,

My favourite scenes from the movie "Secret"



From 4.30minutes to 5.08 minutes is my favourite scene, which includes my favourite phrase! Of course, the whole clip has some really sweet moments as well. =)



From 08.20 minutes onwards... the scene where she tells him that she likes him.

These scenes are really.. simple, yet sweet and romantic.. I think perhaps.. I'm a tad more sensitive to such stuff? =)

"Love is patient, love is kind."

Dear Mandy,



Whoever said that Jay Chou movies are not really good? This one... is really really good. The movie took off on a normal note... you know, guy meets girl, girl is a bit weird... doesn't always turn up for lessons.. that kinda stuff. But their relationship blossoms.. sweetly, and romantically. A bit fast for my liking, but as the story unfolds, it becomes more and more understandable. The whole incident is good, then when the recap starts to unfold... it really really becomes more and more clear why.. and then all of a sudden, everything falls into play during the explanation of what happened by Jay Chou's dad... the whole reality of the situation comes right back smack in your face, and you end up discovering exactly how good the whole plot is, and how sweet and amazing the story is. I felt like tearing at the end of the show, and for all romantic saps out there, this is one show that I sincerely believe you don't want to miss.

From the movie, this really stands out for me... “能遇见你，已经是不可思议了!" This was said to Jay by 路小雨, the female lead actress, and the honest truth lies in that he's the only person who can see her, given that this whole thing is something similar to Il Mare, or the Lakehouse...? Except that it's a more different version than expected. In all honesty, it really is a good movie.

Well.. been so tired of late, but I still am glad with what's been going on. Can't do camps for lots of reasons, like "Step Up" camp, call ups, reservists... *smiles ruefully* I guess that it's really becoming much of a faraway notion. =)

Well.. back to reality, starting tomorrow! Praying for God's grace to be with me as I go through this hectic week.. but I believe life is good, because God is good. =)

Dear Mandy,

Well... you know that seriously, life is good when despite being ever so busy and all that, you manage to squeeze out time to do other stuff... I think I like being busy... but then.. when I think about how much more compressed time is for me to do the things I really wanna do, then I feel kinda offkey.. haha... I think I'm pretty weird this holiday to begin with anyway!

That being said... I managed to meet up with my cousins, my Council, today meeting up with Gwen, Cher Li and Farand, next week meeting up with some uni friends, and then camp! Hahaa... I'm looking forward to the camp, actually. All the planning that I've been doing with the "Step-Up" programme facilitators, and all the feelings of camp is really coming back to me now. However, that being said, the mentality that every camp will turn out as planned is never true... based on experience, so I'm trying to see things in a more realistic point of view... oh well...

Next week is going to be packed beyond compare.. I'm wondering what in heck have I gotten myself into? But when I look at it, surprisingly, I feel a sense of peace. I think this is what I've been really missing. Doing stuff I find meaningful and really care about... but then I kinda come back to the thoughts of lots of other things, and I find myself being incoherent. There're a lot of things that we just don't have answers for.. and perhaps.. I'm just needing sometime off to rest and recuperate before the end season comes in, and then it's time to head back to uni for one more year of hectic mugging and assignments. I kinda get scared thinking about what I'm about to face in year 2, given that Year 1 was such an experience. Then again.. I kinda fear that uni has sort of desensitised me? I'm meeting all sorts of people in Uni these days... and it's really... i dunno.. reality catches up and we all need a raincheck. I think i could definitely use one.

Reflecting upon Tommy Tenny's seminar and service last weekend, and I realise that it's really true. We do need to have a constant hunger for the Lord. And what does being hungry mean? Being hungry for the Lord, is always wanting to be in His presence. Trusting that where we are empty, He will fill us up. And to do so, we need to live a life of Worship. We are the filter paper, keeping in God's judgment, but releasing God's grace and mercy. Finally... in order to be able to filter well, we need to have Passion for God, and compassion for humanity. In essence.. our worship determines our destiny... don't flirt with lower levels, and fall short of what God has planned for you... I guess it's really true... =)

After meeting with my cell leader, Joel on Monday, and talking to Cheryl and Xiaoyun on Thursday... a lot of things kinda came to light. I realised the mistakes in perspectives, and I kinda discussed it... and things felt so much better.. correction.. things started getting better... though.. i don't know how the journey is going to turn out..? But I do know that it's really all in God's hands. I'm more and more in awe of the wonders of God now... and it further enhanced what Tommy Tenny was saying... that indeed... Worship determines our destiny. =)

Well, onwards with the preparation! It's going to start getting really hectic! =)

Dear Mandy,

Well... tomorrow is going to be the Sociolinguistics paper.. the start of the papers that are all closed book, and the last 3 of this semester's examinations.

How do I feel about the 2 that have passed... neutral... cause I believe that it's all in God's hands... I committed the paper into the Lord's hands when I completed it.. and I believe that what will be will be in God's time.. that He will provide and make all things beautiful.

However, sometime at 9pm, after I finished studying for Sociolinguistics and I gave Pearlyn a call to check on how her mugging for it was coming about... i kinda started panicking. It was like... I dunno... I always liked this module... but just... can't seem to score well for it. And I want to do well, but there's a lot to remember, and there's definitely not going to be enough space to write everything... and I don't think I can remember everything anyway... So, kinda triggered the panic button...

But the Lord is gracious, and good. I said a prayer to Him after the call with Pearlyn.. and He answered me. How? Pearlyn's closure words were really comforting and encouraging... and then... so many people suddenly came to wish me all the best, though online, but heyyy!! =) Andreas, Le-Anne, Stacy, Zhiyuan, Priscilla, Sharon, Hui Zhi and Cheryl! =) Seriously feel very blessed.

Well.. I know that no matter what happens, God is going to be with me. What Pris said is very true... Faith is only complete with hope. =) I'll use that as my mantra. =)

Dear Mandy...

Well... the exams have officially begun!! *Melancholic smile* Kinda resolved to it that it's finally here.

That being said, today was the first paper...! It could have gone much better... and well.. realised that I had one last question left when the "pens down" command was given. So i quickly calculated it and scribbled the answer down... feel kinda guilty about it actually... cause i shouldn't have done that... trying to console myself by saying that the invigilator kept going to the mike to clarify this and that question... but i know that that's just excuses. I'll have to remind myself that it's not right, and when the opportunity presents itself next, I'll just drop my pen and refuse to do anymore changes.

Kinda felt God's peace with me during the paper.. wasn't all that jittery, and was able to take it a step at time... the wonders of praying just before the paper starts over the paper... committing it into God's hands... =) I'm thankful.

Well.. that's one down, 4 to go!

Realised that watching soccer is a stress relief.. especially during match support... yeah yeah.. I've been watching one soccer match too many these days... VJC soccer and EPL... rawr... I like watching VJC soccer... cause I partake in match support and just scream everything away... and 25th SC are quite a cute bunch of people.. (OK, so I say that about every batch..)... and I got myself a new 妹!! Le-Anne.. haha... of course, there're also the cute cute people like Yee Yi, Andy, YuWei, Xiaowei, YiLing, Gerald and so much more besides... well.. their term is soon to begin. I'll keep them in prayer.

Made a resolution to keep social distance... wanna know more? Ask Pris. Hahaha.. =p

Dear Mandy,

And where the exams are in 12 days, I find myself surprisingly calm... despite seeing the past year exam questions that I have completely no idea how to do, I'm still calm. I wonder if it's because God's with me, and I know that God will get me through the exams and that's why I'm calm, or is it because I'm complacent and slack. =(

Well... whichever it is, I know that I'm picking up the engine. Realise that I'm really more productive at night, and I really like studying at VJC. These days, I find it hard to wake up.. and as a result, I waste close to 30mins or so. Best was one fine day, Mom woke me up, and I thought it was 8.30am... turns out it's 9.30am already. Imagine the mad rush i went into, considering I had to reach school by 11am. Time has become my enemy... as such, i started sleeping later and later, in an attempt to finish more work. Daytime has become my sleeping monster... night has become my alive factor. Feels like Night Safari.

That being said... I'm starting to really want to be a pilgrim for the Lord. I memorised the entire Psalm 84 after service on Sunday, when the service was titled very aptly "Why do I sing about Jesus?", and in it, the gist of it was the call to live life, and every action as a form of worship unto the Lord. What Wei Liang said made me draw links... He used to think that every action should be a form of love. So I linked that yes, every action is a form of Love, but precisely because the Lord first loved us, so we can be so loving and accommodating to others, so every action is an act of love. However, because we love the Lord, and we want to follow the Lord's commandments to love one another, as such, every action of love we do, is a praise unto the Lord. And what better way to praise the Lord than to worship Him with all our hearts and soul? And thus, every action should be a form of worship unto the Lord. It's a bit of a confusing link, definitely... but hey! Haha... I get it! =p

Just told Florence (not the Step-Up Florence, but my Soci friend Florence) that "we only have control over certain things... especially where they concern ourselves.." (Lim, 2008) *Hehehehe... yes yes... I can already feel all the pple who write essays rolling their eyes at my weak attempt to do citation* But I find it very true... we can only take things a step at a time, and make changes over the things that we have control over. It's really true. However, I will not forget to exalt the Lord who watches over me, and grants me the strength to have this kind of control. Yes, Father Lord... YOU are the one who makes all things possible. =)

So, even as I go rest and prepare for another day of studying tomorrow, I know that because God is with me, I will be alright eventually. For He has a plan for me that I know not of yet, but I know that He will make all things beautiful in His time, and I know that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I will trust in His Holy name.. because there is nothing better. =) Because "Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere". I love you Lord.

To all the people who have their exams coming up, all the best! And to a few special people...

ZhiYuan - For all the mugging sessions that we have gone through, and all the sharing, and even being involved in a personalised McDelivery session.. haha... it's great having someone like you to tide through the ups and downs of uni with.

Jacob - FOr the surprise dinner, and the conversations that we have. I'm thankful I get to walk through this journey with your stable presence. =)

Meng Siong - For all the mugging together? Haha...

Deepak - For all the times that we spent in your room studying and Youtubing!

Deborah - For trusting in me so much, and confiding in each other. THank you.

Yvette - For all the little conversations that we have... and the encouragement over badly graded essays... =)

XiaoYun - For all the jokes, the study sessions in school, the prayers and the words. RED KITE!! =P But that aside.. it's nice to have someone so bubbly and cheerful as u around in an otherwise dreary routine Uni life. =)

Pila - Panda! Hahaha.. thank you for keeping me in check, thank you for all the words that you give me, thank you for your patient nature and your sisterly concern that u shower. And for sabo-ing me. But truth be told.. I'm glad that I have you as a close friend in the tribe. =)

Cheryl - Words fail me, but still, thank you. Because of your patience with me, your vote of confidence for me, and even the free spirited nature of everything, I realised that I am actually adequately prepared. =) I'm glad that I'm walking this journey with you, my dear friend, for all the mochas and chocolates, and the Mexican flair? Thank you.

Good night people!

Dear Mandy...

Well... it's Week 11 already, meaning that there's 4 weeks more till the start of the final exam. Am I ready? No, I can safely say I'm not. Rawr.. haha..

This semester has been quite a topsy turvy ride, and a rather hectic one at that. It's week 11, and I still have 2 project essays, 1 presentation, and one research essay due in Week 12. That would effectively leave me with just that 2 weeks of mugging to get everything on track... somehow or rather... I can sort of see myself trying my utmost best to sit down and get everything into my head. It's going to be a season of cramming...

And yet, I remember yesterday's service where Pastor Eugene spoke of Prioritising, Pursuing and Persisting... Prioritising and putting God first. Pursuing reconciliation and finally, persisting in prayer... This is after all, the year of Sabbath, and I should be finding my soul's rest and satisfaction in God and God alone. So, even though the grades at the moment don't seem very encouraging, but I should trust the Lord that He will provide. Trusting and lifting everything up to the Lord really isn't easy, but what Fel told me about choosing to trust Him is an act of faith, really encouraged me.

Well. 28 days and counting. THe final stretch. All the best to everyone taking exams! =)

Dear Mandy,

I'm in a revolving world of spinning thoughts and messy feelings, and I don't really like it. Everything seems to be coming together in a world of mumbo and jumbo, and in the end, i'll probably get gumbo. I feel once again like a pea in a great big pan with other green peas.. not knowing where I belong or where I fit in... or in this case... what constitutes the real me.

In this season of a certain.. stepping back.. I'm starting to lose a bit of sensing about who I really am. Though the basis is easy... but the execution is difficult, and the ideology that comes with it, confusing. We can understand the basis, but the execution is seriously daunting. And when we try to analyse why, we come across so many gray areas that make things so difficult and seriously mind boggling. But this doesn't address the question as to why the sudden loss of self identity... why the sudden... lapse of being unsure of who I am.

Who is the real me? How do I treat my close friends? Am I constant in my actions to everyone? And... how much am I willing to compromise on being who I am, or doing what I feel, in accordance to what others deem of me. Is the final question asked, what is the basis for my doing certain things? Then why the contradiction? How am I to acknowledge that this person is one of my closest friends about, and then ask me to treat that person as to how I'd treat a normal acquaintance? The two sides don't seem to tally to me, and though I know that there is a reason for having to be as such, but they just don't seem to match. Reverting back to being normal acquaintances and working it back up is one thing... completely having to change the way I do things, is another matter completely... am I slowly becoming somebody I'm not...?

I'm wondering if this is really God's plan for me... is all this suffering because God wants to make me into a better person? To relinquish my smaller radius of personal space, and learn how to treat everyone the same. Gosh... I have completely no idea. I should probably spend more time in prayer...? But somehow... where does this entire line end, and where does it start? And what are the grey areas that need clarification? And at the end of the day... the who, what, where, when and why... still fall short of answers that can truly truly answer my confusion.

I don't know anymore... you know? I thought I did, and I thought that I could handle things well, and be submissive and all, and everything else. But perhaps that rainbow at the end of the storm is just what it is. An illusion of light. Nothing concrete... it's a painful realisation, huh?

Dear Mandy...

Does not being needed feel that way sometimes? Does the sweet tangy taste of romance constantly call out and beckon to you? Does reading, even so much as watching a couple get together after all the obstacles bring a tender twist to your heart, wondering "Why can't that person be me?"

Well.. I don't have all the answers... but there have been times whereby I feel that way myself. I can be reading about Menion Leah fighting all the trolls and gnomes in "The Sword of Shannara" and find myself adrenaline rushed, only to sigh ruefully when he finds his comfort in the arms of Shirl Ravenlock, the girl he falls in love with. I could be watching Yamada Taro fighting to accustom himself to living out of his comfort zone and sympatising with him, and then feel a tender twist when I see how Takako helps bring back the smile to his face. It's quite amazing, this tender emotion that people call love, and every now and then, I can't help but smile tenderly at how amazing it really is.

And yet, I find myself trusting in the Lord for His time, and though impatient at times, perhaps the whole essence of it all is that it's really trusting in His time. It isn't easy, definitely.. but it's really the promise of something beautiful at the end of the journey that would motivate most people to learn how to trust in the Lord, and really not be anxious in what is going on. Sure.. there are times when I really wish that the person I like would so much as tell me something encouraging, or what not, but then, I'm reminded that I should find my soul's satisfaction in God alone when I pray about things... It'd be nice to have that kind of affirmation... but isn't God's affirmation so much better? =)

But of course, we're just human, so once in a while, a bit of affirmation that comes my way is really appreciated. Like how Gayne thanked me today for having been there to support and encourage her while she was freaking out about collecting her A Level results... it gave me this nice warm feeling. Of course, there comes along some feedback about yourself in general, and you are alikened to an alarming wake up call that not everyone's like you. *Shrug* So we learn, so we pick ourselves out.

But what Cheryl told me also stays strong with me. That I should just be myself... just be a bit wary of the things I do. Jacob also gave me good advice.. about how I should maintain a purely professional relationship with people i don't know until I'm sure that they're worth sharing more with. It's probably a learning lesson, but I'm glad for it in any case.

I'll keep walking, and as I walk, I'll keep learning.

Dear Mandy,

It's pretty amazing how wonderful God is, and even now, I'm feeling rather in awe of His ways of working.. I guess that it's really true.. When you're patient and trust fully in God's plan for you and His timing, it all seems to unfold rather beautifully, that you just simply HAVE to stop whatever you're doing, and just give thanks to Him in prayer.

I got these verses yesterday from Cheryl and Pila, and also as I read the chapter today, got another affirmation.. let me show you the verses...

"Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires;
but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the SPIRIT desires."
-Romans 5:8

"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him,
who have been called according to His purpose."
-Romans 5:28

"And those He predestined, He also called;
those He called, He also justified;
those He justified, He also glorified."
-Romans 5:30

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"
-Romans 5:31

It almost seems like it's a letter from God himself to inspire and motivate people, and it has really motivated me. It's... just great... =) Victorians' Day and the OVA dinner both are flowing so smoothly now, and I really am thankful that the Lord saw it through. =)

Though I'm a bit worried about the projects, as well as the essays that are staring me in the face, but in some essence, I'm just learning how to life the troubles up to the Lord, and just trust in His divine plan for me. That's probably the best thing for me at the moment.. to work hard, trust in the Lord.

I will trust in the Lord and be patient; will learn step by step how to guard a heart... =)

Ok, so I guess that as the events loom nearer day by day, I'll just keep working at it. V-Day, OVA Dinner, and then, finally, STEP DOWN!!! =) Now that, I'm looking forward to it... =)

Ok, so I'm also quite sianz, that I kana recall manning... but what to do? I guess that it's just going to be back to the army. It's time to take out my uniform, polish my boots, and suit up... because... it's back to the camp for me. =)

Dear Mandy,

Well... CNY has passed, and I'm back in school... it's been... an eventful CNY... and I guess that really, it has been as festive as the season promised to be. :)

In any case though, I find myself once again at a loss as to the balancing of all my commitments. Haha.. it's really corny. Okay, apart from the weekly lectures and tutorials, I have my project work meetings that are coming in, and weekly DG, followed by "Step Up" programme, and the odd event that pops up here and there, like the OVA dinner that is this weekend. Soon, as the mid-term break comes, not only will I find myself studying, or doing projects, but similarly, I'll find myself planning Victorians' Day and the OVA dinner and dance. After that is over, here would come my EL 2111 mid term test, and consequently, the submission of SSA1203 essay 2, as well as the term assignment of an individual essay of EL 2111, followed by all the project presentations and submissions... shoot me.

How did this semester get to be so busy? One can only wonder why... because I myself have absolutely no idea how I got so busy! *Rawr* But the thing is... it's kinda weird, because as tired as I am, I somehow still manage to get by... I guess I have to thank Cheryl for her constant reminders of what I shouldn't be doing.. haha... it's no secret that one of my biggest flaws is that I don't draw my strength from the Lord, and rely too often on my own strength, and thus, get easily worn out, and extremely tired... I guess that in the year of Sabbath, as I look through the Psalms a day, and see the lamentations of the Psalmists, and the trust that they eventually hold in the unfailing love of the Lord, I am encouraged. This week, especially, the memory verse that we're to remember really speaks to me.

Psalm 37: 3 -4
"Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the Lord and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord
and He will give you the desires of your heart."

How apt! It's rather in tune with the service that Pastor Khong gave last Sunday, about the blessings of Safety, Satisfaction and Success in the Lord. A few of the more important things he said were to deny ourselves, and that if our hearts seek to delight the Lord in all that we do, then He will grant us the desires of our heart... because, as Joel said before last time, when we seek the Lord with all our heart, and our walks with Him are strong and we are attuned to His frequencies, then the desires of our hearts will be in accordance with that of His plan, and He will grant us our prayer requests.

Then the question of patience comes in... it's great if our hearts have the right attitude, and we are in tune with the Lord's plan, but are we then willing to trust in God, for His perfect timing? These are the two challenges that Joel always challenges us in cell... Are we willing to trust in the Lord's plan. and are we willing to trust in His time? Just yesterday, I felt a word from the Lord, that somewhere in this hectic schedule that I'm undergoing, I somewhat forgot that it is Him who makes all things possible... and that along the way, I kinda lost sight of putting the Lord as my priority... Immediately, I repented that night in prayer, and all the insecurities that I had been feeling all kinda disappeared... I felt... like the Lord was affirming some things that I'm going through now, and it was nice being in God's presence.

In all honesty though, I have been feeling inferior of late, especially with the proceedings towards certain stuff... but Pila, Cheryl, Zhiyuan and Jacob really helped me put things into perspective, and though I'm still slowly coming to terms with the special nature that the Lord has created me to be, I trust that in the Lord's words, I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. So I want to really just claim that special love of Jesus... and to be patient in His plan and time.

Special thanks to Cheryl, Sis, Ben, Wei Liang and Zhiyuan, for helping me get over the shock of the car accident that I had on Monday... it wasn't my fault, but well, it is my first accident after all, so I was in a bit of a shock. Praise God for His strong and firm hold on me, that despite my shock and lost stupor, He kept me calm enough to continue driving, to take down the particulars of the other driver, to analyse the situation and the damage... How awesome is our God? Very. :)

Well... they call the rain Heaven's tears... and I came across this really interesting line somewhere...

"I love walking in the rain, and feeling the raindrops on my face..
For it is then, that nobody can differentiate the tears from the rain."

As such, I guess that at this point in time, I'm still learning how to balance all my commitments, and at times, when I cry in the rain, and feel the Lord crying with me... I am comforted in His presence. Finding solace in solace... that's something new, isn't it? :)

Dear Mandy,

It's already the 2nd day of the Chinese New Year... and it's been quite a good one this year I guess...

How is that remotely possible? Well, I managed to meet up with me cousins for the first time in a long while... and though there were mixed opinions from each of us, the main bulk of us managed to meet up.. and it's quite interesting to see how everyone has grown, and how everyone has matured. All of us are going through different walks of life, and going through different challenges... but for one day... we're just cousins, and not people struggling in our individual obstacles. Of course, as one of the older ones, watching over them is inevitably one of my roles, that I can't deny? BUt I was really just glad that I didn't have to explicitly take over the role of guardian when it was just me with them. :)

These days... it's been rather amazing. I guess that few people would know what I'm referring to... :) It's been sweet, but as I trust the Lord in taking the next step forward, I just pray that I'll be able to hear Him speak to me. And I'd so want to live out that plan that He has in store for me.

Even as I trust in Him, and walk forward in faith, I just believe that He will make a way for me. :)

I love you, Lord. :)

Dear Mandy,

Psalms 28:7 -

"The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in Him and I am helped.

My heart leaps for joy

and I will give thanks to Him in song."

Well... time flies and it's the 3rd week of Sem 2 of 07/08 AY.

How do I feel? Weird and tired. And lost. Yes, I'm lost. I'm a bit blur about my lectures, and I'm a bit worried of all my commitments this semester. *Rawr...* Yeah.. that's really how I feel about my academic life. I find joy in my tutorials and some of my readings and lectures... but at the end of the day, I look back, and I realise that getting this engine cranked up is really a difficult thing... doesn't take a scientist to know why also. I guess I really need to work hard.

Throughout this journey that I've taken, one thing's for sure, and that's God has been so real and has been with me every step of the way. I really am thankful for His wondrous love, and the fact that I am a son of God... He really holds me tightly in His embrace, and I know that despite all my mishaps and inequities... when I turn back to the Cross, He welcomes me with open arms and an unfailing love. The immense reality of this truth never fails to amaze me.

I guess that it's really a reflective mood and season, and as I find myself really wishing for more time to do the things I really want to do, I too understand that at the moment, it's more of a calling than anything else... to really rethink and reflect about my walk.. and more importantly, to make time. *Time is in our hands, it's of the essence...* How quite so true...

I miss a lot of people... Thank God for Zhiyuan and Fionna, who I've been turning to these few days with regards to lots of things... Zhiyuan and I have been running ever so frequently at ECP these days for the goals of $200 and $400.. haha... I do enjoy these runs at ECP... First a run that really pushes me cause I haven't been running for quite some time, followed by some static stations... and then a nice long chat at the breakwaters, before showering and heading off for lunch and mugging sessions... it's a great way to spend the morning and early afternoons.. with one of my closest friends about.. haha.. 10 years! :)

Thanks to Fio too.. for hearing me rant and rave over the phone that eventful Saturday... :)

I miss Jacob and Kristy loads.. haha... wherever you two are at this moment, be safe.

I'm thankful for JB Tribe... more so for the NUS gang, and well, the 6 of us that technically were brought together because of the musical... and of course, Cheryl.. haha... THAI EXPRESS ROCKS!! :p

Well.. I'm just going to take things a step at a time, and see where the Lord leads me.. :) I'll be rather reflective and solemn. :)

Dear Mandy,

If I say right now that I'm tired, disillusioned, and overwhelmed, I wonder what would happen. Truth is, I'm kinda on the edge of the boat right now, barely clinging on, and wondering just what has been happening.

In all honesty, I have this funny feeling that there's really just too much I'm bearing upon my shoulders at the moment, and truth being said, I feel like throwing in the towel and running away for the longest moment to a place whereby I'm unaccountable to anyone, and able to hide my face, and be an unknown. The Maldives seem like a nice place, though I sincerely think Antarctica would be the most ideal. Or, I could, like in the book "Since I don't have you", go to Oia and hideaway there for as long as I could possibly do... since Oia seems like a place for people to escape to. And yet, I know that there's too much here for me to just put down and go. I don't have that kind of courage, and I definitely don't have that kind of money to begin with.

I know that God has placed all these obstacles along the way for a reason, and I also know, quite well, that I need His blessings to get through it all. I do feel His peace, but I dunno if these feelings I have are feelings of inadequacy, or feelings of pure overwhelmed emotions, induced by the folly of the devil. *sighs*

Sis' Professor talked to me today, and encouraged me to aim for 2nd Upper Class Honours... that way, I can be eligible for one year Masters' Programme, and NUS Sponsorship, if MOE doesn't want to sponsor me, which is all good and well. But I need to continue working hard, and looking at it at the moment, I'm a long way from 2nd Upper Class Honours. I resolve to work hard.

Come March, I will say goodbye to OVA, and that is a very big relief to me. I don't have to be the one who gets all the arrows anymore, and I don't have to be responsible for major decisions anymore. It has been a good term, I've learnt a lot? But I also know that it's time to move on, and focus on myself for once. Victoria... both VS, VJC and OVA have taught me a lot, but right now, if I want to return all the Victoria has given me, I have to first and foremost focus on my own studies, ensure I do well enough before I can finally return and teach the next generation of students.

I'm glad I joined "STEP-UP" Programme, actually, and I honestly feel the Lord calling me to this area of serving. However, in the preparatory service learning course, and the thoughts that ensured, have left me swimming in a furore of thoughts that are all jumbled up. It's making me unlike myself, thinking too much, and really... just making me too caught up in my own thinking, that I forget what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm losing what is essentially me in trying to figure out these thoughts, and it's dangerous... Kristy always reprimands me when I think too much, cause she knows how much it'd affect me.. I need to stop thinking too much.

Arhx. On to a run tmr. :)

Dear Mandy,

If there's anything that I'm glad about this week, it's the fact that Cheryl and I had a nice heart to heart talk over MSN last night, where we shared about a lot of stuff. :) It's nice to have such a conversation with Cher. We both agreed somewhere in our conversation that we had drifted apart, and it was kinda amazing that after our drifting, we don't lose much of our conversational tones.

I'm currently in "Living with Mathematics" lecture, and trying to understand what's going on. It's fun, definitely,but I never expected that I had to be proving linguistics! Haha... so in some essence, taking this module, and learning about reasoning is making things quite fun. But the time is really unearthly, from 6 to 8pm on Mon and Thurs.. sigh.

Ok, blog later!

You Are An INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience. You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. In love, you truly see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow. You enjoy relationships as long as they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation. At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher. How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable

What's Your Personality Type?

Dear Mandy,

Well, I went running with Zhiyuan today, and it was... a great run, to be perfectly honest, though our stamina dropped like, totally that we were almost exhausted at the end of a 5km run, but it was nonetheless the feel of the run that made it all worthwhile. After the run, we went to sit by the breakwaters, and just calmly took in the early afternoon sun, and had a conversation that wasn't stilted and was, in a sense, a good time of sharing, and fellowship.

Church today was great... I really enjoyed the sermon, and realised in all essence, how important it is to not just pay lip service, but to also just immerse in the word, and to saturate our minds and bodies with that of the word of God. Of course, when PS Melvyn started talking about how humans rely on their 5 senses, and the spirit is a separate entity, it started me thinking about Rene Descartes' Meditations, which speaks of essentially the same thing... incidentally, the topic that PS Melvyn was talking about is meditation.

As school starts tomorrow, I'm just looking forward to a new semester, empowered by God, and being strong in the commitments that I'm taking up. I'll just trust in God for the best. :)

Dear Mandy,

The view of the beach

Today... I met up with one of my 3 bestest friends around, and it was nothing short of wonderful time of catching up and sharing, and I really thank God for good weather and a great time.

Kristy and I

Kristy and I go way back to JC 1, and we went through a lot of ups and downs in our friendship, befpre we reached where we are now. I really am glad for such a wonderful friend, and the 5 hours of conversation that we had was really insightful and it really was so much to catch up on. When we parted ways, it was a lingering sense of farewell, but with an anticipation for the next catch up session- at least that's what i felt.

We went to Coffee CLub Express first, where we shared about our fears and everything over a pot of Earl Grey tea and her cappuchino, before we headed to Bedok Jetty to sit, talk and share over a slowly setting sun... it was... the catch up that we had been wanting to have, but failed to have for slightly more than a year... wow. Praise God for His grace... because this is one friend that I've always cherished, and made a lot of plans with... so I thank God, honestly for all the memories shared.

When we went back to VJC to tour around, it brought back so many memories of our Council days... of sitting on the Council stairs, studying together, painting banners, doing mass dance... basically our term of office as Councillors... singing the Council song, preparing for match support... crying tears of joy, crying tears of sadness.. the hugs our Council shared, the cheers our Council cheered... and we all were one entity, one body... one Council.

Missing 20th.. :)

Dear Mandy,

I lost my phone, so please don't contact me until I get my new SIM card. I've already de-activated my SIM card, so if you get any calls or smses frm my number.... well, you know that it's not me. :)

Hmm... honestly, I feel quite stupid to have lost my phone, being perfectly honest... but I guess that I was more worried that the person who took my phone would use my phone to contact my friends, and then that'd be even worse! But praise God... M1 Customer Service disabled my SIM card quickly, and said that they'd deliver my new SIM card tomorrow afternoon, so really, praise God!

That being said.. I'm just somebody with a wrecked body, looking forward to more rest, and turning up being groggy... and it was this grogginess that led me to be in a stupor.. which is definitely not good.. haha... oh well, what will be will be, I guess... it's just a moment of lost causes, and I trust that the Lord has a plan for this.

So, I'll just move onwards. :)

Dear Mandy,

As the first week of the new year comes to an end, it still doesn't really feel like the new year has settled in. Perhaps it's just the fact that it's just another year, and having lived in the past 21 years in the same routine, with some interesting excerpts here and there, it's just another cycle, it's just moving on.

Ironically, we don't really move on, as I realised some time back, when I took Bukit Batok Secondary School for their Sec 2 level camp. I realised my passion for teaching when I was debriefing the kids, and even when I was just... you know... handling the group of kids... I dunno.. I guess that in essence, that this is going to be what I love doing.. teaching, being a camp instructor... being more than what I can do. Going over the extra mile... or, as one of Rainie's nicknames used to be, making a difference.

And yet, I take a step back and ponder over the immaculate wonders of my life thus far, and make out certain unmovable memories that will remain forever in my mind, and close to my heart. What they are? Well, that's for me to know and for you to find out... and for me to share with my closest friends about.. I know I know.. I'm being a tad cheeky on this, but hey! That's just me. :)

As the holiday comes to a close in about a week's time, I'm apprehensive about what's going to come... a new semester, added responsibilities... it's going to be more than just a rollercoaster ride this turn around, as there's no more excuses for mistakes and errors, or to say that I have yet to adapt to university. I have, and now, it's time to improve and be better. I'm aiming for a CAP of 4.0 and above this semester, and I want to do well.

Looking at it in perspective, I think that I'm really grateful to the Lord for having been there for me every step of the way. His amazing grace never fails, and even as we embark on the "Psalms a day", I've grown in my walk with GOd, and looking forward to growing somemore. It's to the extent that even though I'm really tired, I make an effort to do QT, because I know that He misses me when I don't.. and that some time spent with the Lord is better than no time spent at all. I love being in His presence and HIs embrace, and to see the beauty of His plan in His time. I describe my Christian walk as a flower... that it blooms with time. :)

That being said, I'm thankful also to some people who have never stopped being there for me every step of the way. I'm especially glad that some of them are coming back!! To that, I refer to Kristy and Grace. And I'm also glad for the dearest friends that I hold dear. Sharon, Zhiyuan, Meng Siong, Jacob, Sabrina, Dominique, Gayne, ShuXin and many mre... thank you all for having tided through 2007 with me.

Onwards to 2008.