Dear Mandy...

Well, it's been a week, and the closing stages of the week were really just making me quite emotional and sensitive to many many things.

Monday kickstarted with a relatively slow day in the office... wait... was it slow? Darn... my memory's failing me. Yeah, I believe I was fighting fire in the office, and S3 came back to the office. It's nice to see him, since he's still a friend, and well, I rushed the CO Conference minutes. I did it until I was so blur, that when CPT Pang called me, I totally couldn't comprehend whatever he was saying... that was quite bad, actually... and it didn't help when the minutes I had saved disappeared... I got quite unhappy, but well, it wouldn't solve anything, so after lunch, I went to play Inter-Unit against 3 Div Arty... thankfully we won 3-2, after a close showdown, and I went back to working at the office for CO Conference, and I just totally worked until i started getting dizzy spells. Haha... and till then, I had only hit Page 9 of the minutes... achievement! Haha...

After that, I cycled out to get supper, and well, I must say that it is a good deal... I was back within 15 minutes, thanks to Ngee Leng showing me this new coffeeshop that's awfully near by! Hahaha... Quite nice... then we all sat outside the mess, just eating and chatting, so yup. I know I'll definitely miss these sort of days... Where a group of guys can just sit around and chat about absolutely anything... :)

Tuesday saw me completing the CO Conference minutes, and also complete the reports, and that was before I found out that S3's wife was going to give birth! Haha... a new life, means something to be happy about. :) So yep, the mood was pretty high, actually... then well, we decided to buy something for the baby, and get a card... :) That was pretty much my day... then after dinner, I went back to bunk to work on the script for submission to Hui Wen for vetting. That honestly took me quite some time... I only managed to finish it at about 8 plus, 9. And by then Chai, YC and Kenneth had returned from dinner with Lam and they were going to try popping corn. Haha... So we had fun for about 45 minutes, trying to make salted and sweet popcorn, before I decided it wasn't my cup of tea, and went back to the office to send the script as well as clear a bit of e-mail.

On Wednesday, it all began. I had to find a conducting for SOC, and then this huge fiasco between CPT Pang, myself, YC, S4, Kenneth and CPT Ricky about who should conduct and what not. THen, I found ZF to conduct, and CPT Ricky said that ZF cannot conduct... he told me it's cause he had soccer commitment, but in truth, he wants him to run. So Kenneth had to conduct it, and then, Kenneth asked me to be safety Officer. I said ok. THen, I received an sms from CPT Pang, asking if I'd cleared SOC yet, and that CPT Ricky wants me to take. Almost immediately, I felt indignant. All this while, he kept hinting about my SOC, and everything that I felt really unhappy. He's not my boss, I'm letting go of my off to do work in the Bn, and now the one thing I wanted to be a rebel for, he won't let me be. It was worse when Kenneth went to find him to sign the AI, he immediately asked why was I the safety officer, and if he could find a safety officer, then I have to take SOC. I was like "Eh?"

That night, Gabs and I cycled out to get dinner, and well, I took it as something to take my mind off everything that had been happening. Well, cycling back with LOTS OF FOOD was a challenge I found interesting, and well, Gabs and I ordered quite a fair share of food.. haha...nothing like food to take ur mind of stuff... then after that, we watched a movie!! Hah.. but that night, I started thinking of ways to torture CPT Ricky. Not good... sigh.

Thurs saw me conduct SOC and having fun playing around. The fact I had to neutral for 90 plus people from 3SIG made me glad cause I could delay time to go back to office... and when I did, it was to fight fires, which is something I do oh so daily in the office. So after fighting and putting out the fires, it was another inter unit game. This one, we lost, but the poor refereeing and the dirty ways that our challengers used only served to make us frustrated. Sigh, and it didn't help when our captain was confronted by the referee's senior office, CPT Ricky stood around and said nothing. I got so pissed I just left in his face. Nothing for me to stay for.

Then I went off for the OVA meeting. We had the AAR for VS130, and it was really a success... A lot of good comments flowed in from the people who attended, and even the President enjoyed it. That was, until suddenly, everyone agreed I should organise the next dinner. -_- Imagine my shock and surprise. These are guys who've organised so many bigger things, and yet, they choose me. It's a lot of work, no doubt, but in the end, I guess it's one last project for me before I embark for Uni, but it seems to me that they don't want to allow me to step down from the OVA Managment Council when I enter Uni... It left me really lost. And then along the way back, I used the time to reflect, and i felt overused... and insignificant... and well, I just couldn't shake that feeling off. I reached camp, and it was quite evident I was affected, cause even my superiors asked what's wrong with me... and I guess all I could say was I'm tired. They took it as physically, but I guess it's more mentally and emotionally than anything else. I smsed Ngee Leng to ask if she's free to talk, she said she's out but she'd call me later, quite late. So I waited... only to have her sms at about 9 plus that she's going to play games with her hall people and can't call me. Another person too, didn't call me back, so I just waited pointlessly for I guess, in some sense, empty promises.

Friday saw the morning kickstart with USC meeting, and I accumulated a list of to do items, and well, i enjoyed myself trying to write a story during the meeting. Couldn't finish it though, but it's a start still. After USC, Gabs and I prepared for the Bn Outcamp Run at Kent Ridge Park... Gabs told me something that I really was quite touched by... he's glad I'm the safety cause he knows I'm dependable and efficient and get the job done. Quite touched by those comments. The Outcamp run was quite a joke, and fun, but tiring cause it was upslope and downslope and what nots, and I cycled out of the park to walk up a gradient of about 70 degrees... not fun. But everyone had fun with it, and so I'm glad...

Then I came back to camp, bathed, changed and left camp.

But this week, I guess my personal take is, I have good friends around. It's just of late, certain people whom I used to be really close with, I just can't open up to them. I don't feel comfortable sharing my problems and fears with them, and it's sad, yet scary... of course, Abby is one rare exception, and Gayne another, but it's funny how I don't turn to the others anymore... I guess that's just life... as I grow older, I realise who are my truest friends... people like Tryph I'd open up to, and also, Dommy too. So well, that's that.

Tryph told me that man in general, disappoint. It's quite true to a certain extent... we cannot hold high expectations on the people around us... not everyone will meet them, and when they don't we get hurt. And Tryph, I could sense, really cares for me, and I'm touched by that. I told her, that I don't want to be one of those who disappoint, that's why I work so hard and am willing to take the effort to be there for my friends, hoping that in return I get a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on when I need it. And I'm willing to hurt when they can't offer it, and forgive the next day... And Tryph told me I'd get hurt along the way, but I'll prob forge good friendships... Well, I found a good friend in Tryph now, didn't I? :)

Well, that's my take this week... what's yours?

Dear Mandy,

It's been a while, and all this time, I've been thinking on and off about a lot of stuff... Good ones as well as not so good ones, and it's becoming increasingly difficult to differentiate what exactly it is I'm thinking about, or what direction God is leading me towards.

Well, first and foremost, I was put to the hardwire last sunday when I had to have dinner with my granduncle. He started talking about me signing on, and well, I explained my rationale as to why I don't want to, and we got into an amicable argument about the teaching vs the armed forces. So yeah, the argument got quite heated, but I was still calm, just a bit passionate in my explanations. But then, I guess he sensed he was losing the verbal battle, so he threw me a curveball by asking "You're so small sized, who would respect you?" Imagine the chagrin... That really got me worked up... What has size gotta do with respect? I believe that what I do, and how I carry myself earns me the respect of others, more so than my size... I really blasted him back... I guess I got kinda sick of him always putting me down that I just retorted back lots of stuff. I was quite glad that dinner was almost ending when that happened... I dunno how I would have handled the fueling anger that I had not felt for a very very long time...

Well, camp this last week has been very very slow... thus it gave me quite a bit of space to do my thinking and catch up on sleep...! Haha... but seriously, as S3 returns to the office as of Monday, I honestly am quite worried. Of late, I find myself uncomfortable with looking for superiors to approve things, and I start wishing that I could just do things my way. It's not right, definitely, and I know that it's somthing I have to curb, but for once, I just wish I had that autonomy to do so. It's quite funny? Cause I feel like I'm like a kadult again. I have to do a lot of work cause my job calls for it? And yet, I don't have the freedom to make certain decisions as I'd like. I'm actually thankful this journey is coming to an end, and I'll need, very soon, to start making preparations for the next up and coming part of my life.

Well, I went up to NTU twice this week. Once was when I met Abby for dinner at JP before I went up to her room (It's really nice when u live by urself there... everything's all urs!) and then went to find Meng Kit to get some photos from him. And well, I really missed having him and JR around. MK and his outgoing nature can really make me at ease and know that I'm not alone when I wanna just talk crap. And JR? He's always been a joker, but it's his jokes that can brighten an otherwise dreary day... I'm still thankful I have ZY, Gabs, Samuel and a few others in camp, but it really isn't when I spend time alone with them that I realise that they are people I truly miss.

I was happier when I went up on Wednesday night to find Ngee Leng, even if it was only for a little while. I truly truly enjoy her company, even if it meant 15 minutes NTM, and then only 30 minutes of time with each other, it still means a lot because we tried to make the most of the entire 30 mins... I guess what I'm trying to say is, I just miss spending time with her... because whenever we meet, we just talk about things.. and we don't have to find topics... we just... talk. Haha... she's one of the rare few that I can do that with...

Then, the BBQ on Thursday! Haha... I got high and childish and all that day! Haha... I had fun cooking, and running about in the rain? It's still one of my favourite things to do... getting drenched in the rain... but this time, I was cooking while getting drenched, which in all honesty is double the fun! Of course after that, I was soaked, to say the least, but then the karaoke, the wonderful food, and all the chit chat sessions that we had were really memorable in their own right. It just makes me thankful to God for having brought such a session in my closing days as an NSF, to know that I have good friends in NS, and the memories I've forged.

On Friday was CO Conference and CO Parade... and it was another wet day. We had the parade in the rain, and we were all dripping wet... then I noticed YC was doing a Michael Jackson in Smooth Criminal as he was leaning forward a little too much. Then I held his hand, and he suddenly went all shakey. Ting Ji quickly supported him with one hand, and I moved in the file to hold him as he was about to collapse, and then he went all limp on me. He totally blacked out! We got him to squat down and we took off his beret before the medic came to get him out. Then there was the march past, and it was hilarious! Hahah... I couldn't stop laughing at the end! CO Conference was after that, and it was one of the faster ones by far, following which was the ranking exercise, which I play no part in, and then book out. But before I left, I found out that I HAD CLEARED MY PKE!!! YES!!! I am on CLOUD 9!! Haha.. yeah man!

Yesterday saw me going to cell, where Joel talked about how we should treat members of the opp gender... the two main points, about consistency in actions and to check our actions, really reminded me of the need to rethink about my actions... so far, it's been ok, but I know I need to keep myself in check. I'm moving on to a new environment, where thankfully, not a lot of people know who I am.. I'm looking forward to a clean start and a new beginning.

That night, I went to NUS Cultural Centre for the Arts for Hui Zhi's performance with the NUS Dance Ensemble... Entitled "The Next Wave", I enjoyed myself throughly! Haha... I especially liked item 2 as well as the chinese dance. Then, when they did this really romantic dance? Where the guys would lift the girl and carry her around? It was really romantic... yeah... all in all, it was a night I'd remember for a lot of reasons. But what made me happy was the fact I got to meet up with members of the 20th Council. There were Sangeeta, Sanjeewa, Joanna, Deepak, Sharon, ZB, Sanjay, Joel, Sara, Hui Yi, KrisP, Dommy, Hui Zhi and me. We watched the show tgt, then apart from Sanjee, ZB, Sharon and HZ, the remaining 10 of us went for supper at West Coast McDonald's. I was exceptionally happy around them, and it was quite evident.

However, I must say that I love my twinnie darling! I was hyper, but vulnerable, so I just leaned on her shoulder and said I wish I had someone to take care of me. Then she just said she'll take care of me. So nice... then when we were walking out, I said I'd try for KR. Then she stopped and gave me that cheeky look and asked me why I'm not trying for Temasek. Haha.. I just laughed... haha... Thanks Twinnie dear... because even when I'm hiding my real feelings behind my facade, it's always just a few words from u and a simple hug that can make me feel a lot a lot better. Thank u.

Today, I went to run Terry Fox run, 9km. I covered it in 47 minutes... the route at Sentosa was not as fun as the AHM one, neither was the safety coverage as apt, but as it was to raise funds for Cancer research, I'm not complaining. I was glad I ran with a group of close friends... Sanjay, Sanjiv, Sanjee, David and Edrei... 6 guys, 9km, a good brunch. Of course, Michelle, Audrey and Joel were there as well, but all in all, I think it's a good cause, and a memorable event.

Sad thing was, cause I'd been drenched 3 days in a row and insufficient rest, I became under the weather, and couldn't go to church, though I was looking forward to going... I ended up sleeping, and when I woke up, imagine how stunned I was that I'd slept for 5 hrs... whoo hoo... And that's my day today.

I'd just wanna say a few thank yous. Firstly to Gayne, for trusting me with her emotions and experiences, and for giving me the avenue to turn to when I need someone to talk to. Then, to Maggie, that she takes time to talk to me despite being tired with helping out in IMF. Then, to Jaime, for always trying to catch up with me. Then to the 20th SC... I just love u guys. And lastly, to Ngee Leng... thank you for being just you... :)

Dear Mandy...

Today was a blast! Haha... the event went successfully, and I'm glad that everything went well. I enjoyed the organisation and the coordination and everything, and despite being tired and hardly getting anything to eat, I still found a sense of satisfaction at what I had achieved with the help of so many people, and that all the months of hard work achieved fruition.

The day began, for me, at about 9.30am when I reached VS. By then the tentage and everything was already up, and the stage as well, as well as some of the tables, and my goodness! It looked so grand and majestic, that I myself was shocked... It seemed Godsent that everything was falling in nicely to begin with... so me and Zhiyuan decided to go and brainstorm and do a final coordination for everything else. We got the go ahead from Vernon, and everything began. The update of the cue sheet, the shifting of events, the Master of Ceremony script. Everything started to formulate and take shape. And yet, we were pressed for time... we rushed, but was unable to meet the 2pm timing... so we took a gamble. Zhiyuan went to the field first while I attempted to complete the MC script, and print it by 2.15pm. So imagine how surprised I was when I stepped out of the PE Dept, just to receive a call from Wan Yoong that the VJC Dance Club had just reached the school gate! Hahaha... so I brought them in and gave them a bit of time to get used to the stage, then down came VS CO and VSCB, and the choir then took the stage for their rehearsals while I got the Dancers to their classroom to rest.

The real dry run started, and that was when the mayhem began. The miscommunications, the mishaps and the lack of familiarity with the ground resulted in many delays and both Zhiyuan and I were troubled with certain timing requirements and some technical difficulties. Nothing that serious that we couldn't solve though, but we showed them we meant business despite being nice seniors with jobscopes too big for our own heads. VSCO had a bit of problems with the setting up of the chairs, and the presentation side was not prepared... and more mishaps came along the way... the possibility of modifying the number of projector screens, to the registration table problems all crept slowly up, but well, thank you Mr. Sng for settling the registration for me, and also to Zhiyuan for patiently settling the VSCO and the presentation problems while I was stressing about other stuff. Gautem was a very good MC, and he is so automatic! Haha...he has a lot of initiative, and for that, I'm thankful. Firdaus, the head prefect, is a good choice... he's calm, well mannered, and he brought stability to an otherwise last minute preparation.

Then, me and Zhiyuan took 10 minutes to rush off, but before that, I met Mrs Chan, who stopped me and told me she needed me next year. I thought it was for the SQC, so I asked her so. But she gave me the most wonderful news I had heard for the entire night!
"I want you to be the relief Council Teacher in charge"
I was literally over the moon... I had renewed vigour to go and do the fastest 3 minute bath with Zhiyuan and a 2 minute touch up on my hair and shave... it was a really demanding time, but we had fun out of it... and as I prepared myself for the real event, somehow, I felt that things were going to be alright.

So I headed out, and had to immediately settle some things about the plaques as well as the gift to the President, before I realised that things were happening on their own... it was a very nice feeling as I mingled with the crowd, chit chatting with people, and caught up with old friends. Then, the President came, and that's when the fun started. The rushing and the arrangement of the performances, and the cues and everything, as well as the last minute information and cues to handle... everything came on like a barrage of water when the dam's doors were just opened, and the thing is, Zhiyuan and I just let it come. It felt really good. I felt like I was on top of things, and everything just went smoothly... until we called the President on stage.

I became a one man show on stage trying to settle the movement of the prize tables and the prizes, as well as the cheque and the gift to the President. But through it all, it was heartening to know that Mrs. Chan kept saying I did a good job as I passed the gifts over to Mr. Low or Ser Luck. I dunno... but the mishap came when there was a lull with the photo taking, and the toast... but everything worked out fine as we did the toast at the table, and we distributed the cake, to good effect.

Well, after the dance club's item, I realised I had some free time, but that was before Zhiyuan and I were hit with the need to prolong time as the dishes were coming too slowly. So the band agreed to play all 7 pieces, and I went about to finally chat with people, and catch up with certain teachers as well. Mr. Maran, Miss Kong, Miss. Loh and a few others as well. MAJ Poh is so cool too! Haha... so helpful and everything, and the President has his own sense of humour too!

I enjoyed 23rd SC's company, and I honestly realised that I'm quite close to a few of them as well. Quite interesting, actually. Considering everything... along the way, we had to push the caterer to speed up the dishes, and soon, we were singing the Victorian Anthem. I was given the honour of leading everyone there in the anthem... I felt so proud of it... honest... It's an honour... a very big one... and one I hope I lived up to...

At the end of the event, I thanked everyone who had helped me in this process... VS 130 was a success.. and one that I myself am glad that I managed to be part of... It was a lot of work, a lot of preparation, and a lot of build up, but it was worth it, nonetheless, despite the grievances and disagreements that came along with it... it has paid off...

Victoria, thy sons are we, and we will not forget...
Victoria, thy triumphs see and Victories we share yet...

For others came before and went
And carried to the World
Victoria's fame and our intent
to Keep Her Flag Unfurled....

I'll always remember... Nil Sine Labore

Dear Mandy,

As I sit before you, typing this, I'm filled with this sense of anticipation that something good is going to happen. But as is God's way of doing things, we always have to work hard (very hard sometimes) to taste the fruits of our labour, so I guess that's what it's all about. The VS130 dinner, to be held tomorrow is still entailing a lot of work, but after yesterday's meeting, I have this feeling of anticipation for tmr, and I'm looking forward to it!

But before I move into that, I ought to cover the past first! Hahaha... well, basically, the highlight of last weekend must have been AHM 2006. I RAN 21KM!! Take that! I covered it in about 2hr 8mins, and that is, to me, quite an achievement, considering my knees started cramping when I reached Cantonment Ave... grrr... and I got a medal. But after that, I was so tired, and my knees were so cramped, I could hardly stand! Haha... then after that I waited for my cell group... saw Sanjay, David, Sanjee and a whole lot of other people like Santosh and Lucas Tan... but for me, the best person I saw was Anhua... it was so nice to see her! Gosh... haha... we chatted for a while... then after that, my cell group came running in in groups... Emily, Audrey, Michelle, Rachel, Lynette, Pris, Biling, Felicia and 2 other people whose names I just dunno how to spell. :S We headed over to Burger King later for lunch, before we split to our separate ways to go home to change before we went for church... Service that day was very different... honestly, very different.. they sang one of my favourite songs... "Amazing", and that day, the focus was on renewing our faith with God... to acknowledge him, and to submit ourselves unto him... we sang three songs... of which, "Take me deeper" stayed with me the most... When service ended, I had a chat with Victor, Audrey and Michelle.... so I made new friends that day.

The week generally was quite slow, except for the fact that I had to do last minute DOO on Tuesday due to administrative lapses, and I was quite unhappy initially, but I just let it pass... I guess that God's telling me that I need to suffer to enjoy, as what Pastor Khong told us as well... I had a relatively interesting night as DOO though... Hari and I chatted till quite late, then open armskote... then sleep in for a while before I went to office to settle some things and head home.

I rested for a while at home before I headed down to VS to do a little updates on the tables and also a couple of things for the VS 130 dinner... realised then and there that there were a couple of things we needed to tie down for the dinner... and well, also a couple of things that I needed to take note of as well. Then I went over to VJC to collect some money for an extra table, before I joined the 23rds for mass dance session. Their mass dance, though leaving much to be desired, but their enthusiasm is something optimistic from their dancing, so I can only pray that they convert that enthusiasm into learning their dancing so they can improve. It's something I feel a Councillor must excel in, so yeah... if not, when they hand over to their juniors, they won't be handing over the proper everything.

Of course, they played Captain's ball after that, but when the game ended, Deborah... well, Deborah, in her own words, suffered a b**** fit. And Britney and a few others tried to console her. Of course, nothing cheers people up than food... and if it's not chocolate, I guess, for Deborah, banana milkshake comes a close second... Britney had a carrot apple, Marc had a watermelon, and I, as always, chose the honeydew. Then we went to the hall to help CT Council with their preparation for Teacher's Day. I had fun watching the PE Dept play the other teachers... and I tried to study for my PKE. After helping CT Council, I mananged to cram in 4 pages of PKE, before I left for home. All in all, I had fun as always in VJC...

Thursday morning saw me wake up late, and try to rush in a few extra pages of PKE, before I went for PKE... Imagine how stunned I was when I saw the question on bridging site organisation... the paper was definitely AE baised... but well, I guess luckily we had notes on AE, so I managed to pull off some points here and there... after which, I went back to camp to try to settle some work, before I headed off to VS for the meeting.

This meeting was unlike any other... I felt that everything was falling into place... the coord was good, and everything, and we managed to highlight a couple of problems... Ser Luck chaired it well, and everybody was helpful as they tried to contribute here and there, their opinions... It was really much appreciated.. and I must thank Mr. Tan for working so hard for everything.

Friday, which is today, saw me going to my Grandma's house to see my Uncle's newborn baby of 1 month. She exudes the innocence of a child, one that I feel is missing amongst the adults as the intricacies and confusions of life in general consumes us... Oh well... we can't expect the best of everything... so I guess we can only envy the childish tendancies, and be thankful for what we have had...

After that, I went to VJC to settle some things about the dinner tmr, and that's when I made a mistake. I keep forgetting that life outside is different from an army life, where being frank, and transparent is as natural as well, breathing... and I let slip a small piece of information, which upset Britney, and till now, she's still unhappy with me. I guess I can only blame myself for it, and I'm really sorry, Brit...

After that, ZY and I played soccer with the 23rd... and I enjoyed the game throughly. I ran around happily, and sprinted forward and back happily too. I guess I hadn't been relaxing enough... that even something as simple as a 5 on 5 soccer match was stress relieving for myself. ZY and I went down to VS with HQ then, and that's when the surprise came in. We saw the tentage, and discovered some flaws... we saw Mr. Sng and when ZY and I did a little wargaming, we found out so many things that needed to be changed and so many things we failed to pre-empt... it shocked us, really, and we brainstormed for a lot of the solutions, which, thank God came.,

And an hour ago, I was online chatting to Deborah, Gayne, Tryphena and Michelle, and I thank each of them for their kind words and encouragement... And I've been smsing Wan Yoong about the dance performances as well, and I'm quite glad she's so helpful about everything... makes me remember how helpful the Victorians in VJC were with our events and everything... I thank God for blessing me with such good friends and acquaintances.

Lastly, I thank God for Zhiyuan, who's been my support and helping hand for VS 130. I pray that tomorrow, all will go well.

Good night.