Dear Mandy,

It's the 2nd day of the reading week, and I'm already feeling the stress.
I don't think I can finish everything that looms ahead.

I am making progress on my thesis, but at the expense of ACC1002X and LAK1201 and EL4201. It makes me feel so guilty that Andrea's already forging ahead with EL4201, and I've done almost next to nothing. And then there's the ACC1002X mid-term next week, and the LAK1201 quiz and speech next Thursday too...

So I wonder.. is it because I'm just too lazy, too easily distracted, or what?!
I do enjoy the time I have alone, and with no other major distraction, pretty much like back to JC days where we would just enjoy studying, and then taking a short break for lunch, dinner and the odd fellowship and sports... it was such an enjoyable moment. We dedicated all our time to our studies, and through it we bonded.

But now it feels like I'm back in December in Council days. Where I had to learn to balance out Council commitments with my exams.. and it wasn't much fun..

So... I start to wonder.. is this what it means to die to yourself? I don't know... but one thing's for sure... I'm trying what I can to stay afloat, and I'm literally calm abreast the water, and paddling like mad below.. Thus... afloat.

I'm praying hard that I'll be able to graduate this sem.. and trusting God that though I'm struggling, He'll make a way.

Dear Mandy...

A furore of emotions washes over me once again...

And I realise I really like being a recluse, and being able to live life the way I want to.
I can't function well in a community... yeah. I've said it.
When I get tired, I tend to blabber off at the top of my mind without thinking..
And then I say the wrong things, crack the wrong jokes.

Goodness.

I want to go back to Canada.

Dear Mandy,

As I write this to you, I'm looking ahead to a Korean quiz on Thursday, part of my thesis submission come Friday, a research proposal presentation next Friday, and the continued flow of tutorials, assignments, and quizzes that is common when we start hitting the 5th week of a semester.

And it's challenging.
The more I do my thesis, the more I find myself enjoying what I'm doing, but it's a lot of work, that I have ended up sort of neglecting the other modules, and not as on speed as I would have liked. Which I realised when Ms. Park reminded us that there was a Korean quiz coming up. And I saw the vocabulary that I have yet to remember. And I almost started panicking there and then.

Not good.

But I think God has been faithful. As the recent devotions in the Eternal Life journal speak about how the Lord gave Daniel strength, I think I'm quietly encouraged with the promises that God is going to come through, that God will provide. And above all, that through it all, God is with me. That brings me much comfort. It is a struggle through life, but I'm really clinging onto these promises that He has given me.

And at times like these, He still gives me strength to continue to be there for people I care about and love. Though there are the odd few that I feel awfully guilty that I can't meet up with them as much as I'd like, I just want to let you know that you really mean a lot to me, and though we don't meet as regularly, but I'm keeping you in my prayers daily. =)

Pressing on. =)