Dear Mandy...

These days.. I've been struggling, and yet, God's glory still shines.

On Saturday, 25th Oct 2008, we went to execute the Terrarium Project. And well... I was worried and uncomfortable going in without proper planning on Friday. So.. what did I do? I prayed. I prayed before I slept, I prayed before I left house... and when I reached NL CSC early, I took out my guitar, and prayed, and worshipped the Lord. I felt that it was simply, a call of faith to rely completely on God for this project.

I'll blog more about the project when the debriefing and everything is done... but let's just say that it was indefinitely a day whereby God's glory was so strong and powerful... and there's really nothing like a thanksgiving prayer, and a good debrief to end it all. =)

What have I been struggling with of late? The ever mounting workload, and the weariness I'm feeling at having to be there for people, and help people out. I feel a very strong urge to just throw aside my responsibilities and just take a weekend reflection trip by myself to Bintan or something. But I know I can't, so I weigh up what lies ahead for me, and find myself staggering.

Then I read XY's blog post about negativity, and I start thinking...

"What is the attitude of my heart?"

"How strong is my faith?"
"Why the negativity at times?"
"Why do I doubt?"

But the most pressing question on my heart at the moment.. is this:

"Why am I afraid to open up my feelings and thoughts, and believe there is someone out there who I can truly like and may even be my future partner?"

The answer, I know. And I have shared why with Xiaoyuan, some of the guys in my tribe, and with Gaynie... but I'm still afraid. Today has been a day that talks about strongholds... and it makes me wonder... how strongholds can be subconsciously created.. that it can really.. really be scary.

I'm still reflecting, still wondering, and I hope.. I'll be able to find an answer soon...

Dear Mandy,

This week has been... a pretty interesting week, to say the least.

I'm really quite thankful to God for a lot of things.. the first being the GEK1052 project. Where 2 weeks ago, we were in dire straits, and on the clinging on to just that tiny glimmer of hope, out of nowhere, the Lord not only provides an agency, He also provides alternatives. I've been in awe, and in gratitude to God, that when we chose to commit the project into His hands, and to be prayerful, and to keep that faith, the Lord answers. It was amazing, because the Lord affirmed me in a moment of desolation that He is with me, and told me by the end of last week, He would give us an elderly agency.

Lo and behold, on Saturday, at 1pm, the phone call I received from Yan Ying left me so in awe, for He had provided an elderly agency for us! I was so so amazed! And then, after that, through further research, we found an agency that could help us. And of course, let's not discount the hard work and the way my project group gels together. Just yesterday, we were presented that the elderly agency cannot make it, but God provides! Hahaha.. they linked us up with another elderly agency! =) Praise God!

Academically... well... I'm unsure about my EL2202 test... but my EL2201 test was really astounding... praise God for that. I'm also thankful that I'm able to complete the first drafts of some of my essays, and well.. I don't know how the rest are going to be, but I guess I'll take this step by faith.

I went for BNSS 1D'07 2D'08 BBQ on thursday evening.. and I was quite happy. Hahaha.. meeting up with my previous form class is really... great. Everyone of them have grown, and changed.. some good things i saw, some sad things I felt.. but overall, it was just great to be able to meet up with them again. =)

Yesterday, I went to attend Gui Ling's birthday party, and her class, 4A1'08, were there. Cute class, and I have a best friend...? How did that happen? Hahah.. But okay larhz... WeiLing.. or is it WeiXing is quite cute. Hahaha.. =) Nice people, fun time, though I only had 2 hours there. In that 2 hours? I cooked, ate, got served by the birthday girl (thanks for blessing me, Gui Ling!), and had cake thrown in my face... how fun. Hahahaha... but oh well, Gui Ling, may God bless you. =)

I'm looking forward to tomorrow.. haha... =) May God's glory shine! =)