Dear Mandy,

Psalms 28:7 -

"The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in Him and I am helped.

My heart leaps for joy

and I will give thanks to Him in song."

Well... time flies and it's the 3rd week of Sem 2 of 07/08 AY.

How do I feel? Weird and tired. And lost. Yes, I'm lost. I'm a bit blur about my lectures, and I'm a bit worried of all my commitments this semester. *Rawr...* Yeah.. that's really how I feel about my academic life. I find joy in my tutorials and some of my readings and lectures... but at the end of the day, I look back, and I realise that getting this engine cranked up is really a difficult thing... doesn't take a scientist to know why also. I guess I really need to work hard.

Throughout this journey that I've taken, one thing's for sure, and that's God has been so real and has been with me every step of the way. I really am thankful for His wondrous love, and the fact that I am a son of God... He really holds me tightly in His embrace, and I know that despite all my mishaps and inequities... when I turn back to the Cross, He welcomes me with open arms and an unfailing love. The immense reality of this truth never fails to amaze me.

I guess that it's really a reflective mood and season, and as I find myself really wishing for more time to do the things I really want to do, I too understand that at the moment, it's more of a calling than anything else... to really rethink and reflect about my walk.. and more importantly, to make time. *Time is in our hands, it's of the essence...* How quite so true...

I miss a lot of people... Thank God for Zhiyuan and Fionna, who I've been turning to these few days with regards to lots of things... Zhiyuan and I have been running ever so frequently at ECP these days for the goals of $200 and $400.. haha... I do enjoy these runs at ECP... First a run that really pushes me cause I haven't been running for quite some time, followed by some static stations... and then a nice long chat at the breakwaters, before showering and heading off for lunch and mugging sessions... it's a great way to spend the morning and early afternoons.. with one of my closest friends about.. haha.. 10 years! :)

Thanks to Fio too.. for hearing me rant and rave over the phone that eventful Saturday... :)

I miss Jacob and Kristy loads.. haha... wherever you two are at this moment, be safe.

I'm thankful for JB Tribe... more so for the NUS gang, and well, the 6 of us that technically were brought together because of the musical... and of course, Cheryl.. haha... THAI EXPRESS ROCKS!! :p

Well.. I'm just going to take things a step at a time, and see where the Lord leads me.. :) I'll be rather reflective and solemn. :)

Dear Mandy,

If I say right now that I'm tired, disillusioned, and overwhelmed, I wonder what would happen. Truth is, I'm kinda on the edge of the boat right now, barely clinging on, and wondering just what has been happening.

In all honesty, I have this funny feeling that there's really just too much I'm bearing upon my shoulders at the moment, and truth being said, I feel like throwing in the towel and running away for the longest moment to a place whereby I'm unaccountable to anyone, and able to hide my face, and be an unknown. The Maldives seem like a nice place, though I sincerely think Antarctica would be the most ideal. Or, I could, like in the book "Since I don't have you", go to Oia and hideaway there for as long as I could possibly do... since Oia seems like a place for people to escape to. And yet, I know that there's too much here for me to just put down and go. I don't have that kind of courage, and I definitely don't have that kind of money to begin with.

I know that God has placed all these obstacles along the way for a reason, and I also know, quite well, that I need His blessings to get through it all. I do feel His peace, but I dunno if these feelings I have are feelings of inadequacy, or feelings of pure overwhelmed emotions, induced by the folly of the devil. *sighs*

Sis' Professor talked to me today, and encouraged me to aim for 2nd Upper Class Honours... that way, I can be eligible for one year Masters' Programme, and NUS Sponsorship, if MOE doesn't want to sponsor me, which is all good and well. But I need to continue working hard, and looking at it at the moment, I'm a long way from 2nd Upper Class Honours. I resolve to work hard.

Come March, I will say goodbye to OVA, and that is a very big relief to me. I don't have to be the one who gets all the arrows anymore, and I don't have to be responsible for major decisions anymore. It has been a good term, I've learnt a lot? But I also know that it's time to move on, and focus on myself for once. Victoria... both VS, VJC and OVA have taught me a lot, but right now, if I want to return all the Victoria has given me, I have to first and foremost focus on my own studies, ensure I do well enough before I can finally return and teach the next generation of students.

I'm glad I joined "STEP-UP" Programme, actually, and I honestly feel the Lord calling me to this area of serving. However, in the preparatory service learning course, and the thoughts that ensured, have left me swimming in a furore of thoughts that are all jumbled up. It's making me unlike myself, thinking too much, and really... just making me too caught up in my own thinking, that I forget what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm losing what is essentially me in trying to figure out these thoughts, and it's dangerous... Kristy always reprimands me when I think too much, cause she knows how much it'd affect me.. I need to stop thinking too much.

Arhx. On to a run tmr. :)

Dear Mandy,

If there's anything that I'm glad about this week, it's the fact that Cheryl and I had a nice heart to heart talk over MSN last night, where we shared about a lot of stuff. :) It's nice to have such a conversation with Cher. We both agreed somewhere in our conversation that we had drifted apart, and it was kinda amazing that after our drifting, we don't lose much of our conversational tones.

I'm currently in "Living with Mathematics" lecture, and trying to understand what's going on. It's fun, definitely,but I never expected that I had to be proving linguistics! Haha... so in some essence, taking this module, and learning about reasoning is making things quite fun. But the time is really unearthly, from 6 to 8pm on Mon and Thurs.. sigh.

Ok, blog later!

You Are An INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience. You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. In love, you truly see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow. You enjoy relationships as long as they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation. At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher. How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable

What's Your Personality Type?

Dear Mandy,

Well, I went running with Zhiyuan today, and it was... a great run, to be perfectly honest, though our stamina dropped like, totally that we were almost exhausted at the end of a 5km run, but it was nonetheless the feel of the run that made it all worthwhile. After the run, we went to sit by the breakwaters, and just calmly took in the early afternoon sun, and had a conversation that wasn't stilted and was, in a sense, a good time of sharing, and fellowship.

Church today was great... I really enjoyed the sermon, and realised in all essence, how important it is to not just pay lip service, but to also just immerse in the word, and to saturate our minds and bodies with that of the word of God. Of course, when PS Melvyn started talking about how humans rely on their 5 senses, and the spirit is a separate entity, it started me thinking about Rene Descartes' Meditations, which speaks of essentially the same thing... incidentally, the topic that PS Melvyn was talking about is meditation.

As school starts tomorrow, I'm just looking forward to a new semester, empowered by God, and being strong in the commitments that I'm taking up. I'll just trust in God for the best. :)

Dear Mandy,

The view of the beach

Today... I met up with one of my 3 bestest friends around, and it was nothing short of wonderful time of catching up and sharing, and I really thank God for good weather and a great time.

Kristy and I

Kristy and I go way back to JC 1, and we went through a lot of ups and downs in our friendship, befpre we reached where we are now. I really am glad for such a wonderful friend, and the 5 hours of conversation that we had was really insightful and it really was so much to catch up on. When we parted ways, it was a lingering sense of farewell, but with an anticipation for the next catch up session- at least that's what i felt.

We went to Coffee CLub Express first, where we shared about our fears and everything over a pot of Earl Grey tea and her cappuchino, before we headed to Bedok Jetty to sit, talk and share over a slowly setting sun... it was... the catch up that we had been wanting to have, but failed to have for slightly more than a year... wow. Praise God for His grace... because this is one friend that I've always cherished, and made a lot of plans with... so I thank God, honestly for all the memories shared.

When we went back to VJC to tour around, it brought back so many memories of our Council days... of sitting on the Council stairs, studying together, painting banners, doing mass dance... basically our term of office as Councillors... singing the Council song, preparing for match support... crying tears of joy, crying tears of sadness.. the hugs our Council shared, the cheers our Council cheered... and we all were one entity, one body... one Council.

Missing 20th.. :)

Dear Mandy,

I lost my phone, so please don't contact me until I get my new SIM card. I've already de-activated my SIM card, so if you get any calls or smses frm my number.... well, you know that it's not me. :)

Hmm... honestly, I feel quite stupid to have lost my phone, being perfectly honest... but I guess that I was more worried that the person who took my phone would use my phone to contact my friends, and then that'd be even worse! But praise God... M1 Customer Service disabled my SIM card quickly, and said that they'd deliver my new SIM card tomorrow afternoon, so really, praise God!

That being said.. I'm just somebody with a wrecked body, looking forward to more rest, and turning up being groggy... and it was this grogginess that led me to be in a stupor.. which is definitely not good.. haha... oh well, what will be will be, I guess... it's just a moment of lost causes, and I trust that the Lord has a plan for this.

So, I'll just move onwards. :)

Dear Mandy,

As the first week of the new year comes to an end, it still doesn't really feel like the new year has settled in. Perhaps it's just the fact that it's just another year, and having lived in the past 21 years in the same routine, with some interesting excerpts here and there, it's just another cycle, it's just moving on.

Ironically, we don't really move on, as I realised some time back, when I took Bukit Batok Secondary School for their Sec 2 level camp. I realised my passion for teaching when I was debriefing the kids, and even when I was just... you know... handling the group of kids... I dunno.. I guess that in essence, that this is going to be what I love doing.. teaching, being a camp instructor... being more than what I can do. Going over the extra mile... or, as one of Rainie's nicknames used to be, making a difference.

And yet, I take a step back and ponder over the immaculate wonders of my life thus far, and make out certain unmovable memories that will remain forever in my mind, and close to my heart. What they are? Well, that's for me to know and for you to find out... and for me to share with my closest friends about.. I know I know.. I'm being a tad cheeky on this, but hey! That's just me. :)

As the holiday comes to a close in about a week's time, I'm apprehensive about what's going to come... a new semester, added responsibilities... it's going to be more than just a rollercoaster ride this turn around, as there's no more excuses for mistakes and errors, or to say that I have yet to adapt to university. I have, and now, it's time to improve and be better. I'm aiming for a CAP of 4.0 and above this semester, and I want to do well.

Looking at it in perspective, I think that I'm really grateful to the Lord for having been there for me every step of the way. His amazing grace never fails, and even as we embark on the "Psalms a day", I've grown in my walk with GOd, and looking forward to growing somemore. It's to the extent that even though I'm really tired, I make an effort to do QT, because I know that He misses me when I don't.. and that some time spent with the Lord is better than no time spent at all. I love being in His presence and HIs embrace, and to see the beauty of His plan in His time. I describe my Christian walk as a flower... that it blooms with time. :)

That being said, I'm thankful also to some people who have never stopped being there for me every step of the way. I'm especially glad that some of them are coming back!! To that, I refer to Kristy and Grace. And I'm also glad for the dearest friends that I hold dear. Sharon, Zhiyuan, Meng Siong, Jacob, Sabrina, Dominique, Gayne, ShuXin and many mre... thank you all for having tided through 2007 with me.

Onwards to 2008.