Dear Mandy...

Well... I completed my first camp for CAMP HA on Tuesday... a maths enrichment camp for the P3 and P4 students of Huamin Primary... and well, I really experienced quite a fair bit, and came to a realisation about others.

The P3s were harder to handle as compared to the P4s, but I had fun with both levels anyway... I got the best class of P3 for day 1, and what was supposed to be the worse class of the P4s for day 2. Amazingly, though the activities for both days were the same, the level of maturity and the creativity of the P4s really surprised me. THe P3s spontaneity and dynamicisim also left me quite impressed...

However, I came to a realisation also of how increasingly pampered the younger generation have become. Though they did well in this day camp... but if I were to convert it into a more rugged camp.. I think that majority of them wouldn't have lasted this well...But that aside... i could also see why certain people behave they way they do in secondary school... it's because it was built up from primary school.. and it gave me this cold truth, that it may even be stemmed from kindergarten, or much younger... to these kids, it could be a means of survival.. being rebellious, being defiant... or it could be a result of being overly pampered... that they expect things to always go their way. I didn't know whether or not i should be worried for the future generations, but i do believe there is cause for concern. Has our system produced people who only care about academic excellence that they neglect about personal development? ONe can only wonder... but I do hope I'm wrong.

In any case, my P3 group got overall 1st and my P4 group got overall 2nd, missing out on getting first by 10 points. I was so so proud of my groups. Hahaha... I walked away with a very fulfilling experience...

That being said... I was re-watching this movie, "Gridiron gang", and I really felt inspired to do more for the students who stepped to the wrong side. Well, for Singapore, it means the people who have attitude problems, who are defiant, who are violent... though in America, it's the people who kill, who rob, who steal, etc etc... but in the Singaporean context in schools, it's trying to motivate people to study. But then, i stopped short, when i thought "Would I be stifling the creativity and potential of these students?" Because looking at it, they are the people who don't want to conform to an elitist education system where the only thing that matters mostly, are results, performance and achievements. It's become a rather jaded system that everyone has to rethink about. Of course, let's not forget the fact that small fry like us can only air our views privately, so I'd have to stop short here... but I really feel a need to re-evaluate our direction, and what is it that we really want out of our students.

I discussed a lot of things with Rainie yesterday, and came to understand a lot of truths. Well, our friendship really is developing well... in the short span of close to 1.5 months, we;ve grown to understand each other pretty good. And in the retrospect of social pressure and everything... I still believe that if it's in God's will, He will make a way for us. Of course, on our end, we have to be faithful and prayerful, but I am committing this relationship into God' hands, and praying for the best.

Both of us belong to a "Slide-phone family" which also involves Corina and Chuen Heng. Hahaha... quite funny actually.. Corina calls me daddy, so she's my daughter, and CHuen Heng calls Rainie mommy... so he's Rainie's son. But in truth, we are, what i used to call the Mugger 4. Hahaha... the 4 of us used to be the ones in ITR studying for mid years... and we grew to develop our SPF (Slide-phone family) courtesy of Corina. Hahaha.. we all also have our own individual traits... Rainie's the bo chup one, I'm the most childish, Corina is the blur one and Chuen Heng's the toot one. Hee... so funny. :P

Well, I think that life at the moment is really great... I'm really really quite happy about things, and looking forward to more to come. Praise God for His love and grace!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Dear Mandy...

Well, today officially marks the end of my 2 term journey as a relief teacher in BNSS...how am I feeling? Well, I feel absolutely weird, being honest. There's a good mix of almost every other emotion in me... I feel sad, lost, depressed, relieved, apprehensive... well, a mumbo jumbo of sorts, and I don't know what to make of it...

The moment I woke up, I just felt kinda surreal... like, the inevitable has finally come... it was hard to comprehend, but well, God seemed to know what was in store for me, when Dad actually let me drop him straight at Bishan without breakfast. Then I drove straight to school, to see the sotong babies... haha... then I quickly went upstairs to do my quiet time... then after that, headed back down to start distributing the thank you letters and cards.

Of course, without a doubt, the first people to get the cards from me were the Councillors! Haha.. Sharon, Adeline, Yi Wei, Serene, Chuen Heng, and Corina... then the funny questions that Shi Qi asked me :"You mean today is your last day arhz?" Hahaha... quite cute. Then the next question was "How come I don't have?" Hahaha... then I said "Because Corina's my nu er." Then Corina was like "Yar lor yar lor." Then I had to really hold back from laughing out loud too much. YiXin came over then, and I passed her all of 3E's letters... and well, could tell she was quite sad too.

Well, then Yi Wei hopped over in her usual XiaoWei fashion, and then held out this mini toons plastic bag, saying "This is from ALL your sotong babies to you!" Then I "Huh??!" Adeline giggled at my uber blur face, and then I opened the bag, and was super touched. Inside were 4 little octopus, to signify the sotong family larhz... haha... one BIG blue one, one medium PINK one, one small BLUE one and one PINK one on a stick, which i immediately used to hit Serene on the head. Hahaha...

After that, Yi Wei said "You better quickly go upstairs and put the bag down... later the admin say that teacher cannot accept gifts from students..." Haha... I was sincerely touched to have gotten this group of wonderful student leaders as friends. Before I went up however, I bumped into WanJing and Pamela. WanJing, or JingJing started with her usual "Wan neng lao shi", and gave me a package... Sigh, I was touched, really, and I guess that it was going to be a very emotional day.

After which, I went up, put down my bag, then headed down again. This time, to distribute the remaining letters and cards. Off went Huimin's, Hang Chi's, Claudia's, Valerie's, Shereen and Fuhairah's, Jerome's and Winnie's... And it was kinda nice to see their smiles and everything... it made me feel kinda nice. Then it was the singing of the national anthem, and well, the school sand quite softly, so they were told to sing again. Normally, I'd be strict with the kids, but today, God just told me that they were ready. So all I told 1H was "Just blast it. Just sing." And grinned mischieviously at them. In return, they smiled and giggled, and when the band played the music again, 1H stood out. They sang loudly, and though it kinda tapered off towards the end, I was very very proud of 1H.

I linked up with 1H in class, and proceeded to return them their workbooks and their projects, and already the class could sense a sort of farewell coming. So, I started to give my speech. And then after saying I dunno what... I gave out Valerie's sweets and a letter to each of the people in class. Well... they seemed ok, really... then I had the leftover letters for the absentees... so I gave them to Hafiza, asking her to help me pass to them, and then told her that if she faces any problems, she can email me, and flipped the paper over to show my e-mail address. Well, I dunno why, but she went "Cher!" Then started to cry. It was then that I saw that Aisyah was crying, that Gui Hou was crying, that Nas had gone silent, that Seow Fong started crying. And well, the whole class became an emo lot, and I found myself at a loss of what to do... Until Mr. Pang came in to bring the class to ITR. I just... really... didn't know what else I could say as the class quietly herded out... the tearing students, and all. And Zali... he asked me why I had to go... I really couldn't find an answer to his question.

After that, I headed upstairs to 1D. It was time to meet my previous co-form... and one that I truly, truly have never stopped cherishing since day 1. I sneaked into class from behind, and took up a very inconspicuous spot that was only spotted by Jasmine, Hui Quan, Syiqin, Zuhairah, Julia, Xun Jingm Nelson and Hamidah. The rest were completely oblivious to my presence, well, except for a couple of them who eventually saw me. Then Valerie was like "Mr. Lim, would you like to show yourself to the class?" That's when the whole class turned around to see this grinning cheshire cat at the back of the class.

I slipped XiaoYuan her bookmark, before making my way to the front of the class, and waited for Valerie to finish her lesson, her quiz and then giving out her sweets before I made my speech to the class. I apologised for not having been there for them, and explained that it didn't mean I like them any less. And Valerie really made me blush when she told the class "I can testify to that. To him, 1D is always the best." And well, I was seriously very embarrassed... haha... but it was really good, to feel that 1D still gave me their undivided attention, and it just felt like old times... taking a lovely class... then I gave away their individual letters.. before I slipped to one side, and after that left the class.

I spent most of the time after that talking to people.. Haida, June, Norliza, Mdm Teo, Miss Low, Mdm Tao, Miss Kannu... also partly because I decided to give away the thank you cards to each of them. And Mdm Tao was really nice with her words, and Miss Kannu came to me, and blessed me by telling me to work hard for God, before giving me a hug, and a kiss on my head. I felt really really blessed that God sent such a wonderful person to bless me. Mr. Wilson Chew too, in his own Catholic way, gave me his blessings... I felt really really blessed. Praise God for His blessings, and His angels in disguise.

I had to head off to 5B for a babysitting class after that, and finished writing somemore letters while I was there. Then, when I came down, it was time to clear all the leftover things I had left. I started with Mdm Haliza's chemistry, and I felt really sad that I couldn't finish marking them... and then Miss Rahma's remedial things, which I was actually quite glad to hand over. And then the returning of the tie to Mrs. Tan Ai-Lin, as well as leaving the letters for Mrs. Chan Hwee Chin, Helmiaty and Cheng Ying. Once that was done, I started to clear my table of the stuff... took me about 30 minutes to see an empty table, but hey, it was worth it. Then, I saw Hemiaty's note on my table... once again, got very touched... haha... then after that, we waited patiently for the bell to ring, before we headed off in a frenzy... taking photos with the teachers, with 1A, with my sotong family... Along the way, I picked up a few more letters and well wishes, and it made me even more sad to leave the school!

The three of us then went down to say farewell to Mrs. Kong and Miss Ho, as well as to the admin staff, before 1D approached me to ask me to book a BBQ pit for them, since they need someone with an IC. So I agreed, and drove Syiqin, Am, XiaoYuan, Hui Hui, Hamidah and Carissa to ECP, before they told us that the BBQ pit booking is now on AXS station... so had to drive down to Parkway to find the AXS station, and then a problem surfaced when ALL the BBQ pits were booked for Sat, so in their midst of deciding whether they want Sunday, I had to go, cause I had promised Rainie that I'd pick her up from lunch with my "daughter". So I rushed down to Paya Lebar, and dropped my "daughter" home, before I drove Rainie home.

Along the way, conversation just flowed... I really really love talking to Rainie... conversation just flows... we can talk about the simplest things... and still find something new to learn about each other. It's really amazing. Nowadays, I'm beginning the cherish the times I can spend with Rainie... because they are getting few and far between... what with her upcoming mission trips, and her lessons and CCAs from school, and her church commitments, and my promises to be accountable... well, we don't really have the time to meet up, and share.. but I believe that God will make a way... if it's in His will, He will make a way...

I dropped Rainie and her books off at her home before rushing home... but not before I asked her to hug me... Because I was really troubled and sad about leaving the school, I just felt kinda emotional, and needed a hug... so she hugged me... and suddenly, everything seemed alright... I didn't feel so alone in this world, and I felt quite safe... I thanked God for this wonderful best friend of mine... who's so influential, and such a sturdy pillar of support for me...

I celebrated my last day at home with Pizza Hut delivery, and watching Gridiron gang... which is a very good movie... I'll post more about it next time...

But till then, to all the BNSS angels who come by... do take care, and all the best. The future is bright for you lovely angels, but only if you choose to work hard enough, and believe in yourself. You are all special, you are all going to be somebody... but everybody had to work up from being nobody, before they eventually become somebody.

Praise God for this wonderfully enriching journey...

Dear Mandy,

Well, it's been some time since I last blogged, and well, a lot has happened of late, that I've been too caught up in my own things.. of course, having to rush about 130 thank you letters in the span of 5 days was no joke, but Praise God that He gave me the strength to complete all of the letters... and that now, I'm left with only 3... Well, I should be able to finish them tonight. :)

I'm actually waiting for time to pass by, for once the clock hits 1030hrs, it'll be time for me to change up, and leave the house for MOE HQ for my scholarship interview. Actually getting pretty nervous about it... my first time going for a scholarship interview... and I wonder what I need to know. But then again, I will leave it all in God's hands, and pray for the best. Ultimately, it's His will that needs to be done, and not mine... so I'll just be prayerful.

Ah... and tomorrow is going to be the last day in BNSS for quite some time, so well, I don't know what to make out of it. Yeah, I'm happy to leave because it'd be a new change of speed and flavour as a camp instructor, but I know I'm going to be awfully sad to leave the students. My mugger 4, my sotong family, my tortoise family, my lovely angels from 1D, my term 2 co-form 1H, my Charlie's Angels from 3E. I'd definitely miss all of them.

Hmm.. well, life's really full of unexpected changes... and I'm not surprised at that... I was discussing and well, I realised that the working world wasn't what it was. We're always taking things a day at a time, preparing ourselves for the unexpected challenges that loom ahead. And we're always either neck to neck, or we're only barely ahead... we can never be too far ahead for comfort, and it is definitely possible to find ourselves behind in this race when we least expect it. Ultimately, the bottom line is, there's little time to rest, and many a time, it gets very difficult to do things out of the ordinary because we're already struggling to keep pace. That's why, I've grown to see that to do extraordinary things, you have to be an ordinary person who's comfortable with his ordinary lifestyle. Either that, or you're just somebody who believes in things, and doesn't care what society says. It's difficult to be either, but I guess in due time, I will find out which category I belong to. For now, I definitely belong to the group that doesn't care what society thinks... because I'm still young, and naive. I think I can change the world... I just neglect to see that the world changes too.

Dear Mandy,

Well, I'm supposed to update my blog, and I guess I shall. This week has been a week of trying moments and desperate times. Many a time, I had to seek the Lord in prayer to calm my otherwise anxious and uneasy emotions.

Well, the end of the mid year exams officially came on Tuesday this week, so on Monday, I closed my remedial programme, albeit with a little bit of sadness, because I kinda felt that the programme had really benefitted some people... but of course, I wasn't quite myself on Monday, because well, pre warned about being too close to the students, and have to be careful with the things I do, and also being informed of a potential pay cut did nothing to alleviate the rising concerns of an otherwise hectic workload.

I honestly felt very very miffed, because for all the work that I've done, and for all the things that my students have told me, it just didn't feel right. But that being said, I guess the biggest unhappiness that arose was due to the pay cut I guess... a lot of us just didn't feel justified for all the work we had done, only to have our pay docked, and June released. I mean, seriously, it started me thinking, and the best part. On Tuesday, I went for a job interview.

The job interview was for this company known as Camp High Achievers, and I was interviewing for a job as a camp facilitator. Well, I intended to keep a low profile, but during the interview, the question popped was "Describe your past experiences." And that was it. I let loose my whole testimonial. Immediately, everybody was stunned... even the interviewer (by the way, it was a 6 person interview at one shot kinda thing), and the guy after me was momentarily stunned. The interviewer then passed me back my form, and told me "Under your experiences column, could you write some of what you just said down?" I had to withhold my laughter as I agreed. Because, seriously, I just didn't want to say anything, but I had to show my credentials... so I just blabbed half of my achievements out. I withheld information about EDU, and my prefectorial board, and NCC, because I sincerely felt that too much wouldn't do me any good. Especially so that I have not been touching belaying and stuff like that for too long.

I left with a verbal assurance that I got into the company, and immediately set about thinking whether I should return to BNSS in Term 3. And well, the answer seemed quite clear cut... and the answer was I shouldn't come back on a permanent basis... And somehow, I felt that God was telling me that I had done what I could, and touched the students and some of the members of staff there. The main fact that they know that I'm Christian, and that I have done a great work in the school, and that during my study group occasionally I do prayer and I have prayed for the school with Chuen Heng before, I think that the time has come for me to move on to another place. And I felt at peace with God when I prayed about this that tuesday night. I was resolved to leave.

Wednesday and Thursday kinda passed by in a blur, but on Thursday, Val and I left school early, on the pretext that Val wasn't feeling well (she really wasn't feeling well; she had cramps.) And we ended up meeting June for lunch at Parkway. Hahaha... it was a really good feeling, being rebellious for one of the first times in my life. Hahahaha... But I kinda realised that rebellious is one thing, and now, I kinda understand the euphoria that comes with it, especially when you are bitter with the school administration... the euphoria is even greater! But that being said, we know that we have to be careful as well.

On Saturday, I went out with the VJC Mugger Group to Heeren Vi'lage. It was a good outing... especially when u see people that you haven't seen for such a long time. Marcus, Yew Luck, Chi Hao, Tze Hin, Jason, Nat, Ling Sze, Sanjay, Sanjiv and Venle... especially with Sanjay and Venle, whom I talked the most to... it really was a good catching up session. Shared my thoughts with Sanjay, cause we were both getting bored of hearing all the banking talk and everything. The more important thing that we shared was, that no matter how old we are, we will never be able to be truly prepared for what challenges life throws at us. We can only stay slightly above the water... and that really is something very true.

On Sunday, I went for SOL 1, and we learnt about the roles of a husband, wife and child in a family. Hahaha... yes yes.. husbands love your wives, wives submit to your husbands, children obey your parents. The main gist of everything. BUt truth be told, whatever was shared really touched me. I mean, how about this quote: "Children want to be inspired". And I was like "YEAH!!" hahaha...

During service, Dr. Jackie Pullinger came to talk about ministry to the poor. It was more of a sharing session than anything else... but towards the end, Dr. Jackie's words really hit home... Especially the part when she said "God has a different race for each of us to run" and when she said "I'm sorry that in this Singaporean society, you are judged by academic qualifications. But let me tell you, as long as you do God's work and run the good race He was planned for you, you are No 1 in God's eyes". I cried. I was just feeling so burdened by everything that had happened this week, that the moment she said that, I felt so convicted... I broke down. Very very badly, I may add. It was just quite frustrating, the expectations of the working world, being judged by doing things that were right, the office politics, the situations some of my students were in, and others besides. And I prayed to God, and I was very very solemn after that, that everybody could tell that I was really upset about things. Michelle and Cheryl both saw me, and they noticed it immediately, that I looked very down, and Michelle sent me an sms after tribe meeting. Thanks Mich, Thanks Cheryl!

Tribe meeting was another impactful word from God. Ps Bel talked about patience and impatience, and what struck me was this verse from Galtatians 6:9

Galatians 6:9
"Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

And well, it really spoke to me. Especially when Ps Bel talked about love in motion, I was struck once again by God. A few days ago, I was reading "Chicken Soup for the Teachers' Soul", and in this chapter "Beyond the classroom", there was this story on "Excellence is Love in Action.", speaking of how this teacher, who believed strongly in the implementation of love in all that she did, eventually changed the school's policy of discipline by caning, to using love to change a person. These are the kind of things that we don't see in Singapore classrooms, God seemed to tell me, and well, it fuelled me with the determination to go on caring for my students. I won't let the stereotype of an elitist education system change my perspectives and my outlook on the way I teach.

I shared some of the above things with Rainie, and was greatly comforted when she said "Well, the only thing I can do, is to pray for you." And I know, that God sent a wonderful best friend to intercede for this soul with a weary heart, desperate for God's touch. And amazingly... God, being the faithful Lord that He is, answered me in not just one way, but in 3 special amazing ways...through Dr. Jackie... through Ps Bel... and through Rainie.

Thank you Lord... for loving me.

Dear Mandy,

It's amazing how a person can change. And it is also amazing why a person changes. I mean, for some time, I quite liked the way that I was... That hyperactive, enthusiastic, passionate person who had not much qualms doing things and being there for people. That is the me that I have grown to become, and that is the me that people have grown to associate that kind of character with.

And then, life takes a huge twist when Rainie came into my life. The person that I'm learning how to be her best friend, Rainie. How things came to be is a tad funny, and definitely not like the normal route for people to become best friends. But I'm thankful that God blessed me with such a friend. I don't think that it's a hidden fact that I tend to care a lot for my friends, but when it comes to personal problems, I hide them mostly, and won't say them out to people who I'm not comfortable with. And people do get worried for me.

But when I'm around Rainie, somehow, it feels like everything's going to be alright. Like she's a safety net that won't break, no matter how high I fall down from. And I sit back, and I wonder, and I suddenly realise that it's been a long time since anybody had ever made me feel this way. Definitely, I know that I'm in safe hands, because there is God who constantly watches over me, and is my guiding light and strength. But there are times, when I just wish that there was a friend who would tell me what to do, or someone I could share things with, or someone I could just sit down and talk for endless hours to.

Praise God that He crossed mine and Rainie's paths. Because we both agreed that we want our friendship to be one that exudes God's glory, and one that is God-centered. Though both of us are new to being best friends, but we believe firmly that as long as we turn out hearts to God, He will bless our friendship and let it grow where it may. I remembered when our cell was covering "Boy meets girl", and Joel was talking about how a relationship should be God-centered, because when a couple has a disagreement, the relationship won't fall apart as it is cemented and held in place by their love and faith in God. And when Rainie and I started out, I thought "Hey, why can't a friendship also be God-centered?" So I discussed it with Rainie, and she agreed as well. In doing so, we both set down some rules for our friendship.

These rules are subject to change, but one of our most important rules is to love God. If not for God, then our friendship would not even have happened. So, this is a full hearted effort in making a friendship work... I know that as long as we both place our faith and trust in God, God will see us through. That being said, I also know full heartedly the meaning when we pray to God "Your will be done".

So, Rainie told me that I shouldn't talk to females that often... and well, after a discussion, I promised I'd make a conscious effort not to do that. I think that it's also about time to do that, given that not only Rainie, but also Jacob and a lot of other people have told me about it before. So I will give it my best shot.

Well, as the mid year exams are already half way through, I can only say that it's half the battle down, hang on till the end!

Dear Mandy,

I know, my song changed to a very long classical or instrumental intro, right? But hang in there... because the song starts at about 1min 30 seconds. The title is called Un Giorno Per Noi, and is the theme for Romeo and Juliet. Goodness, I just love the intensity of this song, Josh Groban carries on the tune very very well, and he always makes it seem so effortless.

Try listening to the song in an enclosed room, where there's minimal noise, and imagine yourself to be in a theatre watching the play. If I'm not wrong, this was played at the death scene, when Romeo drank the poison, and Juliet killed herself. And then, try to picture the raw emotions, the power of the scene, and most importantly, the sadness, and the love... yes. The love.

I remember very vividly how the story begins. The narrator will say:

"Two households

Both alike in dignity

In fair Verona where we lay our scene

Where ancient grudge break to new mutiny

Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes

A pair of star cross'd lovers take their lives"

Especially so, the last line, which sigifies the death of Romeo and Juliet. Truth be told, this has to go down as my utmost favourite Shakespeare play. Well, to get the main gist, just watc Baz Luhrmann's version. You get the rough idea, and you too get the raw emotions. Sure, it's a modern day adaptation, but hey! It's still a literary masterpiece. :P

Dear Mandy,

Well, it's been the end of another week, and one whereby lots of God's miracles have been taking place in my life, and that there's still a lot of unfinished things to do, and to handle as we go along. Life is always full of challenges, and after cell today, I kind of cleared quite a few queries and confusions that I have had this time.

Well, what are some of the miracles that God has done for me this week? Let me count.. haha... firstly, it's the fact that the initiative that June and I have taken up, which that toot, Chuen Heng has called the "ITR Mugger Camp" has really started to take off. Sure, it began with QiRui and Zhen Hao looking for June for SS remedial the day before their exam, and I was there trying to settle the chemistry notes for them as well. Then they had to go for lunch, and June brought 1C in for remedial. I on the other hand, had literally nothing much to do. but I somehow felt God calling me to develop on this programme.

The essence of this programme is very simple. To open up an air-conditioned room for students who want to study in school, and to have teachers (June, Val and me) there to aid them in our proficient subjects. That would be Geog and SS for June, History, SS and Maths for Val, and Science and Maths for me. English... well, we all could help, but Chinese, POA, Art, D and T and Food and Nutrition... can look elsewhere. Hahaha.. Of course, the only other entry into this room for study has to be people who are keen to do work, or have been pulled in by June, Val or me. At the moment, I have my own set of students to take care of... There's Carissa, Chuen Heng, Corina, YuXiao and XueNi. June has her hands full with Zhen Hao and QiRui. Val has Fionna under her wing.

God has really blessed us abundantly when we saw this programme take flight on Thursday, and more so for Friday. Thursday was the first day that YuXiao, Chuen Heng came into this programme, together with Carissa and Phyllis. XueNi was there with Ken for maths as well. And well, it wasn't the reaction I had initially hoped for, but I thanked God for these people who came in, as a testament to the fact that this programme is going to be one that will happen. So imagine how glad I was on Friday when QiRui and Zhen Hao came in, YuXiao, Corina and Chuen Heng came in, Carissa came in, Kimberley came in, as well as Yi Wei, Fuhairah and Shereen, albeit for a little while. XueNi came in a little later as well, but as of what I know, it is a start. I have now changed my perspective on things, after a little talk with Haida, and well, I'll just make a difference to as many people as I can. I may not be able to touch all of them, but I can touch a few, and hopefully through them, they can touch others.

The next miracle came from God when He allowed me to do a great work for Carissa. I can't say what happened to her, and neither am I comfortable with saying what I did for her, but let's just say that God, through her, showed me that my thinking is correct. I don't really say it, but to me, every student that crosses my path is God's blessing to me. And the way I see it, the only way I can answer God's blessings is to bless God through the student.

Somehow, I still feel that there's a lot more for me to do, that I still can do in whatever time I have left in BNSS. God left me people who have dropped hints that they need someone to turn to, someone to help them, and I believe that God is showing me that my work is not yet done in BNSS. Sure, I'm starting to grow, but until I have fully bloomed, God will not uproot me until my job is complete. I have to prepare my students for God's rain to come to them, and the school.

That being said, a lot of people have also been telling me to be careful with my relations with the students... Don't give them the wrong message, and everything... prevent at all costs any scandals from happening... and I'm like, no, I don't want to have any scandals occurring... but that being said, I won't stop treating my students like young adults, in need of respect and a little care and concern. It's a very fine line... and one that I'm sure I'll cross at times, but I prayed to God that He would help me in guarding the hearts of my students, and to constantly check my heart to make sure that I know when it is enough.

That being said, I guess that I have to take a step back and lower my expectations of my 1H... I realised that one reason why I feel so out of place and everything, is because I keep expecting them to be of a certain standard, that they won't be able to reach at this point in time, or this year to be exact. So that being said... discipline is of the essence, yes, but for them to be fully disciplined isn't going to happen overnight... I have to put in place now, more of a day to day check than a long term goal. That is probably what I have to do. And I will do what I can.

It's going to be a new week... I'll be optimistic and prayerful. :)

Dear Mandy,

Well, there's so much that has happened of late, so much that I really am thankful to God that Mdm Haliza didn't give me any excess marking, and that I'd have Monday to get back the answer scripts and finish up all the excess marking. :D Of course, there's still the maths and everything, but hey, I think that I'm well rested and ready to take on the challenges that are up ahead...

1 Thessalonians 1:3 "We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ."
Today's service really spoke to me. Last week's service as well. Let me talk about them... Last week, we spoke of Faith. Everyone knows that on my hp, my profile is always "Faith, Hope, Love", and last week, PS Khong spoke about the Shield of faith, from Ephesians 6:10-18. In a nutshell, PS Khong spoke of 3 things:

1) Faith is moving in God's power

2) Faith is living in God's presence

3) Faith is pressing on to the end

Well, there're a few really good quotes and words that PS Khong said that I really have embedded them in my heart. Well, let me go into each point.

Faith is moving in God's power

Firstly, Faith is about seeing and moving in the power of God. In Ephesians 1:18-21, the Apostle Paul said:

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come."

This tells us that The power working inside of us is that which brought Jesus to life. An essential fact and truth is that Faith is seeing the power and stepping out, knowing and believeing that the power is there. The Bible says that as long as we have the faith of a mustard seed, we can move mountains in the mighty name of our Lord. Faith is on focusing on who God really is, and if we believe in Him, there is nothing impossible for us. Matthew 19:26 says:

'Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."'

Our Faith must be in God. However, Faith without work is dead... For Faith is the substance of things unseen, but it's not about our own limitations... it's all about God.

Faith is moving in God's presence

Ephesians 3:12 says that:

"In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."

There is only one thing more powerful than the power of God, and that is the presence of God. One of the devil's weapons happen to be tackling our self confidence and our self worth. And yet, Ephesians 3:14-21 says this:

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

God's purpose is to fill us with the presence of God, and the fullness of Him. And because of this mighty God that we serve, believe that we can be who we aspire to be.

Faith is pressing on to the end

Essentially, Unity is in the faith and knowledge of God. Ephesians 4:11-13 says:

"It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ."

Faith is not static, and God is at work... as such, we should always press on until the Victory is won.

In Conclusion

Faith can move mountains, we all know that. But what's important is that we turn our eyes to God, and trust that in Him, we will find our purpose, and to keep the faith, that He has a beautiful plan for all of us.

On Hope

Today's service spoke on the Helmet of Salvation. Now, coming from the army, we all hate the darn helmet. Yes, it protects our darn head, but it's also darn heavy. And yet, in God's choice selection of the Helmet, he placed one of 3 important values on it... I guess I can't be that prejudiced against my helmet anymore.

We have hope

Hope is omnipresent. In fact, in the famous story about Pandora's box, the only thing left in the box was hope. When all things seem to be at the worst end, there's always hope that will surface. In 1 Thessalonians 5:8, it says:

"But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet."

Ephesians 1:13-14 also says:

"And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory."

From these two verses, we can deduce that when we were saved, God exhanged His righteousness for our sins. In the exchange, God placed in our hearts, a coveted heaven: the Holy Spirit. In essence, putting on the helmet is to remind us that there is hope. Hopelessness can drive people into desperation and into self denial, and sometimes, to death. But we should all take hope in knowing that there is Hope in God, and where there is Hope, there is Life.

You have a destiny

I shall begin with a paradox. Some of us think that life is meaningless, and that sometimes, life holds no tomorrow that is worth looking forward to. Ephesians 2:10 says:

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

It tells us that we are God's work. I remember PS Eugene telling us before that we are God's work in progress, and God has an eternal destiny fashioned just for us. Each of our destinies are unique, because God has a different purpose for each of us. In passing each day of our lives, we are one step closer to the revelation that is discovering our destiny. In general, life is a measurement of our success, but note that it's not material of human success, as that is of little importance to God. What's important, is to be more like the Apostle Paul, to run the good race. What good race? To believe in God's destiny for us, and to run God's race. There is always hope, even at the darkest moment. A very strong quote that PS Khong told us was "It is when it is the darkest that light shines forth." I believe in that... I really do.

You are an overcomer

Now, here's a huge truth: We are God's workmanship. Ephesians 3:20 says:

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"

This tells us that His power is within us. We can, because God wants us to be. And yet, the greatest enemy of Faith are memories of our past... Our past, though important, holds painful facets of our history. Though it is important to reminisce, I believe that we shouldn't let our past sins and pain affect us. We, as Jasmine told me, learn through each challenge, and we get better learning from hurt and pain. Once that is done, we have to live and believe that we can succeed. Failure is that we have learnt, that we are not perfect,and more importantly, we just have not succeeded yet.

That abou sums up the services for both days.

Truth be told, these days, I guess that I need to inculcate in myself, and a few students that there is always hope. Carissa's one of them, and I know that I'll have to really go beyond the call of duty to help her get over her loss, and to recover from her pain. It's not going to be easy, but I pray for God's grace and healing to fall on her. Loss is never easy to deal with, or talk about... I'll try what I can.

Well, a new week, and a new hope ahead. God has prompted me to make a proposal.. I'll do what I can, and sincerely hope that God is with me, and that the proposal will follow through with the blessings of the administration.

Dear Mandy,

I came back from National Schools' Cross Country Championships yesterday, and yesterday was also the VS forum regarding the merger situation. Well, let's go into things one at a time alright?

Now, I left school at 2pm, and met up with Meng Siong at VS at about 2.20pm. Imagine my surprise when I saw Adeline and some BNSS NPCC Cadets on a bus headed for some academy! Hahaha... seeing Adeline just made me smile, because I realised that seriously, BNSS is the place that God has called me to. I have yet to fully bloom yet, so God has yet to call me and send me to another place to do His bidding. And yet, I'm content where I am... :)

Anyway, I quickly changed, had a quick lunch, and in my coveted red shirt, Meng Siong and I went on down to Turf City. We refused to go upstairs when we reached, but instead walked around, taking pictures of the banner-filled turf city of VS and VJC banners, and honestly we felt like we were back to our Sec Sch and JC days... of match support, of sweat-drenched passion, of hoarse throats, of incessant clapping... of our pride to be Victorian. Of the two colours red and black, of one school, one voice, one spirit. Meng and I went to see the C Boys flag off, and then off we went to the end point..

One moment that really touched me was the B Boys finals. This VS Runner, Thomas, was VS' 3rd runner to come in. And just 10m from the finish point, his knees gave way, and he fell onto the track. Mr. Low, the VS Principal, myself and Meng Siong, and the XCountry guys kept cheering and shouting to him... "Come on Thomas!", "Pick yourself up, Thomas!" and "Thomas, you're almost there!" were heard resounding from the 10 of us gathered there... And then, slowly, but surely, Thomas picked himself up. From flat out, he pushed himself into a squatting position, and slowly, but surely, stood up, and started to begin a slow, but unsteady jog towards the finish line. THroughout his tenure, the cheers never stopped coming. But before the finish line, Thomas once again collapsed. And our hearts ached as we saw Thomas crawling across the finish line with all the energy he had left before he collapsed. Mr. Low dashed to the medic tent to talk to him, and it was only later at the forum that we realised that Thomas was immediately iced down, to prevent heat exhaustion. And he was delirious. But when he saw Mr. Low, he asked "Sir... did we win?". Mr Low said that winning wasn't everything, and that he had tried his best. But Thomas was near tears when he said "Sir... I'm sorry that we didn't win because of me."

When I knew that... immediately Meng Siong and I remembered the days of Fabian Tan. When Fabian collapsed due to somebody elbowing him in his ribcage, Fabian couldn't breathe. He collapsed when he saw that the end was in sight, and he had to be stretchered off the road. And me, being a young, naive Sec 2 prefect, ran to find this senior who had earned our respect through his soft spoken and hardworking ways. And I saw him, I was stunned. He was down and out, delirious, slurring, but I cried. Because he kept telling Mr. Ho "Sir, let me go back to finish the race. Sir, a few more steps that's all sir." And despite his weakened nature, Fabian struggled against the medics in an attempt to go complete the race. Mine were not the only wet eyes there...

This... when Mr. Low talked about it during the forum, and he said that the Victorian Spirit is about this. Never giving up. A Victorian is ultimately a gentleman, a professional and a sportsman... this much I won't ever forget. Mr. Low said... Winning is not the most important thing... it's the winning mentality that we all need, and I realised that I could use these words on 1H.. to motivate them to be more than they can be.

THe overall results for National Schools' Cross Country Championships 2007 for Victoria are as follows:
C Boys : 4th
B Boys: 3rd
A Girls: 1st
A Boys: 3rd

I guess it was a pretty good haul in the end. And well, the climax came when we all gathered together with the flags in the middle and launched into the Victorian Anthem. And then, the standard VS Cheer... Meng and I were honestly back in the heart of it all... and this sort of camaraderie was exactly what we missed.

The forum went slowly, intitally, and I received a couple of smses that left me not knowing whether to be annoyed, upset or disappointed. I excused myself from the forum, and went outside to talk to Yvonne... about the problems I were facing in school, and in particular, 1D. Well, in the end, I knew what I had to do, and went back inside the auditorium, to hear the debate about the Victorian Spirit start. This was what I wanted to hear. This was why the 150 of us were gathered here... and all the views that came forth were heartening, and truly truly speaking of the volumes of passion the old boys had.

We ended off the forum with a rousing Victorian anthem and one heck of a spelling cheer before we dispersed... I talked to Mr. Low, and I realised the constraints that he was facing as Principal of VS, and I kinda understand his point of view... Mr. Maran too, gave us some insight... and I honestly didn't feel any hesitation when I called Mr. Maran sir. I realised I still respect him an awful lot, and he played a big part in moulding me to become who I am today.

Truly, Victoria, thy sons are we. Truly, Victoria is something more. And we all know that truly, we want to keep her flag unfurled.

Nil Sine Labore.

Dear Mandy,

This song is playing on my website now...

SAY GOODBYE - S CLUB

"In the years to come

Will you think about these moments that we shared?

In the years to come

Are you gonna think it over?

And how we lived each day with no regret

Nothing lasts forever though you want it to;

The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye

'though it hurts in your heart

is the only way for destiny'

sometimes goodbye

though it hurts is the only way now

for you and me

Though it’s the hardest thing to say

I’ll miss your love in every way

So say goodbye

Oh don’t you cry

‘cause true love never dies

In a year from now

Maybe there’ll be things

We’ll wish we’d never said

In a year from now

Maybe we’ll see each other,

standing on the same street corner,

with no regrets

Each and every end is always written in the stars

If only I could stop the world

I’d make this last

Sometimes goodbye

‘though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny

‘sometimes goodbye

though it hurts is the only way now for you and me

Though it’s the hardest thing to say

I’ll miss your love in every way

So say goodbye

but don’t you cry ‘cause true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into

I’ll come for you

Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye
‘though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
‘sometimes goodbye
though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
but don’t you cry ‘cause true love never dies"

I love this song... I really do.. the last song before S Club officially disbanded is a song that speaks of raw emotions and friendship. Of love and loss... and of a past and a future. Why do I say that, because it's awfully true...

It's kinda funny, isn't it? Somehow, someday, we'll all say goodbye to each other... And the sad thing is, sometimes, goodbye comes prematurely for some people because of certain misunderstandings and a fear of confronting what may be the inevitable... Haha... I've been in this situation many times before, and well, I just can't help but feel a very strong sadness whenever things like these happen. It happened between me and Jessie before... and it took us a good 3 to 4 years before we cleared up that misunderstanding and became close friends... a few years is awfully long... definitely... But I guess that God does these kind of things for a reason... it may be a very harsh lesson, but the optimistic side is that it's still, nevertheless, a lesson.

So, this song goes out to everyone of you... that even though we may be saying goodbye to each other in the distant future, like the song says, "And when you need my arms to run into, I’ll come for you, Nothing will ever change the way I feel" This much I can promise... because I'm going to still be here for you if ever you need someone... But it goes both ways... I may be willing to give... but are you willing to receive...?

Dear Mandy,

Well, it's the end of a school week, and it has been a rather eventful, if not, also quite a revelation. How shall I begin? Let me count the ways...

1H... it's an awfully tiring thing to be taking 1H, I have to admit... I don't know how else I can reach out to them to behave better and be more disciplined without scolding or raising my voice at them. On Thursday, I thought I'd reached out to them, you know? I played a little sarcasm in my words before I actually had a heart to heart talk with them... I challenged them to listen when the teacher is talking, and to raise their hands when they want to talk, and I even wrote it on the board. I had every hope that, given that it was a challenge that would last for a good 1.5 days, it may just work and pay off... today, I went in, and horrors of horrors, saw not much change in the class. I was setting up the computer, and they changed places. I tried to talk to the class, and met a wall of noise and people who were playing and not listening. So I patiently waited, hoping that some of them would take notice. After a good 5 minutes or so, I told the class to return to their original sitting arrangements. It took a while, but they did... not before one of them threw a book across class. My temper was already at it's peak then, and I told the kid to get out of my class. Of course, this kid, being the most attitude problem one, sauntered out. I started to give the class a piece of my mind, and subsequently sent another guy out of the class as well. I don't know... I really don't... but I kind of felt that my patience with 1H had reached its peak.. I had always wondered why Mr. Pang, such a patient teacher would lose his temper at 1H... I guess I finally found out today, when my own temper reached its peak. I sent the two kids to the OM, but was found that they were more strolling all over the place than anything else. Mrs. Chan caught them, and subsequently sent them to the OM straight.

I don't know if what I did was right, or if what I did was becoming of a teacher, but I honestly have no idea how I'm going to proceed... maybe I've been too harsh, or maybe I'm approaching them in the wrong way.. but I've been praying a lot... or is it because I've been expecting too much out of them...? I really don't know...

About 1D... I went to encourage them for their NAPFA test, one of the promises that I made when I was still their teacher... and well, it was good... I stuck with the boys, cause Farid kept complaining to me about his inclined chin ups, so I wanted to motivate them as much as I could. It was encouraging, to see the boys try... and during shuttle run, I gave all of them verbal support and encouragement as much as I could. But I was happy... because Xiao Yuan finally spoke to me after a good 3 weeks or so... though it was just a simple "Thank you teacher" for passing her back the shuttle run block, but I just felt happy. And yet, I'm still unable to break through the barriers... It's kinda amazing huh? How a simple thank you can make my day... And since she's not talking to me, I can only say here Thank you Xiao Yuan, my thursday was brighter because of your thanks.

That being said, I also have to apologise to Carissa for not having encouraged her during her NAPFA test. I'm honestly starting to see my limitations as a teacher and as a friend... and it's a huge challenge to be both, but I'm turning to God for strength and direction. Looking at things, I've only got 3 more months or so before I leave the school. Perhaps it's a good thing. Today, June and I were talking about leaving the school in the coming week... because both of us were getting rather disillusioned with what has been going on. I'm staying on because of the students, but given the situation and the way things have been progressing... I sometimes think that if I left the school earlier, it'd save a lot of trouble and unneeded stress. I don't know... shall see how it goes...

Well, then there's of course, ShuXin.. haha.. that girl arhz... today won her badminton game and lost one... actually, quite glad I have ShuXin around... She's really been quite an influential factor in everything... And Gaynie of course... my two staunch pillar of supports... :) Thank you both...

Dear Mandy,

I write to you a long overdue entry, that I've been putting off a long time now...

Well, it's no secret now that 3rd April 2007 saw me turning one year older... I'm now officially 21. It feels kinda surreal... I've finally met that mark, but as it is to me, and my close friends all know, I don't celebrate my birthday- period. To me, it's a personal milestone to have come so far, but I believe that I don't need my birthday to see how I'm appreciated, and that everyday can be my birthday, so long as I'm myself, and as long as I have God and in all I do, I praise Him. But this year, God chose to show me a few things.

The first thing He showed me, was that I have a group of friends who genuinely care about me. The day before my birthday, at about 2200 hours, I received a call from Sanjay. It was quite funny, because he was asking me how he could tell this girl, Claire that he likes her. I thought he really liked Claire, and actually tried to give him advice... then he asked me if I'm home, and when I said I was, he asked me to go to my doorstep. So, surprise of surprises when I opened my door to see Joel, Edrei and Sanjay, holding a cheesecake and singing "Happy Birthday"!! I was so touched, seriously speaking.

Well, we spent a good hour or so at my void deck, chatting about things that had happened, and well, generally just catching up with each other. Man, it isn't often that people actually take the effort to come down to your house and meet you, just to celebrate your birthday. Honestly just felt really really thankful to God for having given me such wonderful friends.

It didn't end there, actually. The next day, 3rd April 2007, the actual day itself, I received so many smses... the first person to sms me? Gaynie dear! Haha... and of course, having wished each other happy birthday for so long already, how can I forget my angel and awfully close friend, Abby, who took the time and effort to sms me and have a conversation with me? We hadn't been having one for the longest time, and I really miss my angel... but she took time, despite having her exams to study for, to sms me... so touched. Then, there is ShuXin, who's somebody that I've been in constant contact with for quite some time now. She smsed me and said "Hey, did I say you're probably the best brother one can ever have? Thanks for everything you've done and HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL!" I was seriously touched, because all I've done for ShuXin, or XiaoXin, was just to listen to her, and give her advice and support her when she's down. I wonder what I did...

I went to school, and well, it was just like any other day... But June was the first of my colleagues to wish me happy birthday... and then, imagine how surprised and touched I was when Valerie, Cherin, June and Ken gave me this huge box with lots of essential stationery for teachers inside! And of course, an awfully nice card that even Haida and Mrs. Chan wrote in. Man, I was so touched. More touched so, when YiXin came to call me birthday boy. Hahhaa... so cute. Then, there was Hang Chi as well... but I managed to keep my birthday a relative secret from my students... apart from Am. Am sent me a birthday card on the 2nd, neglected to mention it, and I have to say thank you to Ant, who was the one to tell me about the misunderstanding. I wrote a long e-mail to Am, and tried to patch up with Xiao Yuan, but to no avail, definitely... It kinda hurt, but I'm not giving up...

I went home then, and was happy enough to have had such an eventful birthday... until at about 9pm, I got a call from Jacob, and he was downstairs waiting for me. So being me, I hopped down to meet Jacob and we sat in his car to chat for a long long long time... About an hour or so also... and Jacob, being one of my closest friends about, we talked about a lot of different things... and even things that were close to our hearts... Jacob left for home soon, and when I reached home, I opened his present, and was very shocked to see a black, leather, Braun Buffel wallet... It's expensive! Goodness... I was like "God... what a friend you have given me!"

I fell sick with a temperature of 38.1 degrees celsius the next day, but still held on for the whole day... surviving on 2 Panadol which carried me mostly through the rest of the day in school, but the effect wore out pretty soon by the time I reached the clinic... So I was given a 1 day MC, and spent literally the next 24 hours out cold, recuperating from the fever. I was quite touched when I received smses from Alicia, Wendy and Isaac hoping I'd get better.

FRIDAY! GOOD FRIDAY! Hahaha.. I went for the JUNE Cluster's Good Friday event, and after a very interesting game of Isaac's "Hot Cross Buns", and an awesome time of worship, we found out that we would be doing Street Evangelism. Man, I've never been one to walk up to people and talk to them outta the blue like that and feel all comfortable about it... so imagine my apprehension and everything. But God has His ways of working His miracles in people, when He gave each of us a personal testimony, and His grace when we all had our own transformations and mini miracles happening. We also were once again brought to the Cross, and the cruxifixtion of Jesus Christ... it was a very powerful moment when we all went into prayer during worship, and also during the closing prayer.

Saturday saw me going to Kenneth's birthday party, and well, I met up with Liyong! Hahaha. Kenneth turned 21, and well, that made the four of us BMT Buddies officially 21. It was kinda funny? Wei Cheng and I were discussing about the four of us as Ninja Turtles. Shane, being the oldest and most rational, was Leonardo. Kenneth was Donatello, because he's the smartest. Wei Cheng was Raphael, because he's the one who's the most daring, and though sociable, but still the most garang of us all... and I got Michaelangelo... because I'm the joker and the most friendly. Quite interesting, ain't it? Then I drove Liyong home, and along the way, it felt just like old times... we caught up with each other, and life in general... and I just totally enjoyed catching up with one of my oldest friends from my VS era...

Sunday... ah... Sunday. Service made me cry. They did the placards thingy, whereby one side is a problem they faced, and the other side is the miracle that God made happen... and the song they played to? Chris Tomlin's "How Great is our God", a powerful song. Easter service was one of healing, and one of miracles happening... a wheelchair bound woman attempted to stand and walk... I was so awed by that happening! Praise God for all the miracles that He makes happen! Isaac's friend chose to give his life to Jesus, and I was happy at a life saved.. I was so happy during worship? It was like there was this huge joy that was waiting to escape from me... and for the first time, in a long long time, I was happy to cry during the worship. THey played "GLory to God", "Worthy is the Lamb" and "How Great is our God"... and I just cried.

After service, there was a VERY LONG lull, as we waited, because Joel had something he wanted to talk to us about, and well, the cat kinda leaked out of the bag when I found out that it was a birthday celebration for me... but I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the amount of people there when I reached Coffee Bean with Joel, Audrey and gang... Gosh!

I was so so so so surprised and touched, I almost teared. And then, when they gave me my gift, I was really really touched... no words can adequately explain my emotions then, as I received 8 teddy bears from the Tribe... the Tribe prayed for me then, and I really want to be what they say... to be fearful of the Lord, and to be a warrior of Light for Jesus, to shine God's radiance into the darkest corners and to continue to be a blessing to people, and to touch them with my actions and my own special ways. After that, Wei Lin and Shauna also prayed for me... I received so many blessings and so many prayers, and so many appreciative words, I kinda lost count of how many I received... but I do know this... that God showed me that my actions are all appreciated, even if they're not said out loud, but I am loved by my Tribe, and that my actions have in some way or other touched people.

But I told myself and God, that this isn't enough. I know I can do more, much much more, and I want to continue being a blessing to others. I want to continue to exude God's glory, and to do things that would glorify Him, and bless others. But I thank God for such a wonderful family... JB Tribe... and even more so, for the bonds I've forged and do cherish.

Isaac, Alicia, Victor Ong and Eileen all headed for the Airport for dinner at Sakae Sushi... Alicia had made a reservation, and well, it was a really fun place to be. Victor Sim, Sanjee and Felicia joined us later, and so did Felicia's friend, Matthew... Matthew didn't really contribute much to the atmosphere, but well, I had a great time nonetheless... We left Sakae at about 8.30pm, and took a bus home.

Here are my teddy bears!

I had a wonderful week... and well, I was filled with God's love for me... But I know that I too have to remember... that when times are good, we praise God, but what's more important is that when times are not so good, we still praise God...

Glory to God!

Dear Mandy,

Galatians 6: 9- 10
Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.
So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.

Today's service spoke straight to me... it spoke about reaping what you sow. And the three things that Rev Melvyn said really struck me.
1) You reap what you sow - don't be deceived
2) You reap after you sow - don't be discouraged
3) We reap more than we sow - don't be calculative

And I was struck, really really hard by God. Because all this time, I had been praying and praying for God to tell me what I was lacking emotionally... and then, this service... it seemed almost ethereal. It was as if, God was answering my prayers... I was amazed, and listened very intently to the first and second pointers. Along the third pointer, my thoughts started to wander as I reflected a fair bit about what I needed, and what the void I was having was all about. I thought so much, I subconsciously seemed asleep... It struck me that this had been really bothering me for some time now. And when Rev Melvyn said that those who had been feeling discouraged in work, the altar is open for ministry, it took me sometime, but God urged me to go forward, and so I did.

I knelt before the altar, and prayed hard for lots of things. For the students at BNSS that they may be motivated and encouraged to study hard, for my Sec 1D and 1H that they may both be receptive to their lessons, and more importantly, that I may be able to find out why my favourite angels from 1D have become so cold and distant to me, and that I may stop being lazy and procrastinating, and be able to do things and break barriers so that I may better benefit my students. It was then that a brother in Christ kneeled down to pray for me. THe first words he told me were "Lift your disappointments, Lift your discouragement, lift your fears to God." And immediately, I got another sucker punch to the face. God was answering my heart's queries, and immediately, I knew what was the void I was missing. It was my 1D angels. God seemed to be telling me that I had been neglecting them, and well, in some weird sense, that they, upon my negligence, have also started to neglect me. God also told me that why I feel so empty, is because I want to do so much more to help the students of Bedok North Sec... those that have been labelled as CMI... but I can't due to so many restrictions, both above and under the water...

I really felt convicted at the altar... and even when I walked away, and prepared for the Tribe Prayer meeting, I just knew God was going to tell me more... and He did. He first showed me faith when Ps Jimmy asked me to lead the Tribe in ice breakers. So I introduced them to "husband and wife whacko", and the Tribe had fun. Then, the prayer session began. How powerful it felt! I myself found myself praying like as though I had been preparing for the last 3 days or something. Words just flowed, emotions just rained, and thoughts were flying by speedily, with myself now, having little recollection of what went through my mind, except that I remembered what I was saying... it was an awesome experience... First, we prayed for ourselves, and it was then that God told me what I was missing. I needed to break free, and I needed to trust in God for all that I do. Starting from tomorrow, I told God that I want to fast from 7am to 7pm. 12 hours. And I know that this period of fasting and prayer, I will find more truth and an answer to seal that void. Because God is listening, and He is a faithful God. I just have to be as faithful as I can be in return.

We prayed for ourselves, we prayed for those having exams, we prayed for our fasting periods, we prayed for the friends that we would be bringing for Easter Service... and we prayed for each other. That was really an impactful moment. I honestly enjoyed every moment of that prayer session... I felt God's presence in our midst, and when Ps Bel told us that prayer is our time of sowing, it further enhanced the importance of prayer. Praise God for His revelations in our lives!

We had cluster meetings for TGIF, and I took a chance to talk to Pris. She looked awfully tired... I guess uni life takes its toll on everyone. Rachel, Sammie, Pris, Vanessa, Victor and a lot of other people all look like they hadn't slept in days! Well, my turn will come soon, and truth be told, I'm actually looking forward to it. It means one step closer to being a teacher... I can't wait! Hahaha...

Ok, back to the topic. We had a prayer for TGIF, for the success of TGIF, and I know that God will be there... I believe He will answer our prayers.

I also found out Suzanne has the same birthday as me. How coincidental is that! Haha... so, tmr is a new week, a new month, and I believe for me, new resolve. I will do my best.

Emmanuel, God with us. Praise God for His grace and love!

Dear Mandy,

I didn't get the Teaching Scholarship, didn't even make the shortlist, but I'm ok. :) Honest... a little disappointed, but I know I'll be ok. Because God has a greater plan and use for me, and also because it's not the scholarship that defines me as a teacher. It's who I am, what I do and the impact I make that defines me as a teacher. So I may not be able to rise through the ranks of the Education Ministry as fast as a scholar would. So I may not be able to get the pay rise and the courses that a scholar would. It doesn't make me any different, neither does it change my outlook on teaching.

I think that ultimately, when I look at things from a different perspective, I see hope, and an ending that can only be carved out by faith and lots of hard work. I'm beginning to see more and more, the wonderful work of God in my life, the more I turn to Him, and the more that I give to Him, I can just feel that things are going to work out for the best. It's an amazing fact, and a really strong truth... I just can't put into words what I feel? But I can only say that it's nothing short of miraculous.

I had a relatively fun day today. It's really teaching that makes me happy. Doing answers for the Chemistry Mock Test for 4D and 4E just made me feel really fun. Explaining the answers to the students, answering their questions, interacting with the class... it just epitomised my passion for teaching. I think God showed me today that a good teacher isn't necessarily a scholar. A good teacher just is one. I'm not there yet... I can't even put myself in the same legion as an average teacher, but I want to be one. I aspire to be the best relief teacher that I can be, or even, in Bedok North Sec. As much as possible, I want to be seen as a hardworking individual, with a passion for teaching, and a caring yet disciplined teacher. I believe with God's grace, I can be all those, and much more. I don't know if it's really a high ambition or what not, but I'm beginning to love going to school more than I've ever felt... If not for the students, then for the job.

I take back whatever I said about growing distant from 1D... Because God has given me a new revelation. It doesn't mean that a friendship stops when I leave; it doesn't mean that my lovely angels will forget me when I leave. It does mean we don't communicate that often with each other, it does mean that I can't be there for them when they need a teacher. I guess what's important is that I leave them with an open door... that they can turn to me when they need to talk to someone, that ultimately... I'm a friend to them.

Kinda feel like my blog has become quite difficult for me to post certain things. Haha... but it's ok. Somethings were not meant to be public anyway... haha... in any case, I'd like to say a big THANK YOU to Gayne, Felicia jie, Kenneth, Shane, ShuXin and Xiao Yuan... haha... Gayne because of her ever comforting presence, Felicia jie for her prayers, Kenneth for letting me rant, Shane for his advice, ShuXin for her perspective, and Xiao Yuan for her encouragement to me last time. Haha... it has been quite a struggle to come to terms with myself and teaching, but I guess all I wanted was for a chance to not babysit and give them work to do, but to actually, teach a subject that I like. And I got that today...of course, I'd also have to thank everyone else who had been praying for me, and being concerned for me. I appreciate it loads!

On to more personal things... I'm turning 21 in a while.. Gosh, feels like I've come a long way... I can't believe that it's soon... *Sighs*. But I think I've been relatively contented with the last 21 years of my life. I was born into a good family, went to a good Pri Sch, was part of a Victorian Family for 6 years (one of the best times of my life), then I went to the Army for 2 years, and now, here I am... It's been a long journey to get to where I am thus far, but I know that the road ahead is also going to be tiring... I'll hold on tight. Because I know that God's with me for this ride, as well as my closest friends about. :) I have them, and I believe I can make it through.

Thank you all... :)

Dear Mandy,

I think that I've lost it... today, I showed my utter disappointment and felt like total crap. I felt useless today... and it's awfully sad! I mean, I think that I really need to get a hold of myself, and be a more disciplined and strict teacher, just so that I can have more order in class, but truth being, in doing so, am I compromising on freedom in class? I mean, I really really want a class that's chatty and lively in class, but also attentive to the lesson... like how Sany's classes were... fun, interactive, yet disciplined. I think I set my standards to be like Sany or Mr. Ong. I just really want to succeed as a teacher... but I just felt so small and so useless today, that it became rather pointless to a certain extent to have to teach... and yet I tried to...

Is it always going to be like that? That my students may be those who really don't bother about lessons, whose sole purpose for coming to school is to mingle with the friends they've got? I need to find inspiration and a way to motivate them... I really do. I don't want to spend every single day just routinely going about, doing day to day work with no idea whatsoever in my mind on what's going to happen, and what may happen. And the most pressing question on my mind would be, did the student leave understanding something? I've been trying to find my encouragement from "Chicken Soup for the Teachers' Soul" and have found a couple of really good stories that have been rather motivating. But I fall short of inspiration. So far, my attempts to make class interesting and fun have fallen short of what I'd call a success... but I'm thankful that Hafiza, Xiao Fung and Siew Gek gave me good feedback, and despite the naughty and rowdy nature of my guys, deep down inside, I can sense that there is that desire to do well... but the only thing I have to do, is try to open up that door... I know I can.. the only question is how.

Then, there's my 1D angels... it's kinda sad. I can feel myself becoming increasingly distant from them. And sadly, I think that that's the only way to go. I have to distance myself from them, so that when the time comes to leave them, it won't be that difficult, because I'd have known by then that I have no emotional attachments to them. But it's still sad, because when I see them, or those that I'm close to, there's an urge to talk to them, but a reluctance to do so. Somehow, it's also that feeling that I'm not that welcome into their life anymore as well. Ever since the whole fiasco with 23rd, somehow or rather, I've become more sensitive to situations like these. Or rather, to prevent another devastating blow, I've been preventing myself from coming to terms with such situations. I know I know, be more thick skinned right? But that's not me.

Then there's 1H. Hmm.. how shall i begin? I think the class is a very vocal and expressionistic class. They're those who like hands on more than anything else. And of course, they're those who have the attention spans of 5 minutes. So it's kinda evened out... haha... but I've got 8 more weeks with them, and I'll get to know them more as time goes by, i hope...

So, looking at it, Jacob tells me to be more patient with the students and myself... I guess I'll have to.

Dear Mandy,

Matthew 19:26
And looking at them Jesus said to them, " With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

I serve a mighty God. That much is certain. This entire week, I have been able to get through it through sheer hard work, and with the grace of God as my strength. I don't think I'd have been able to get through it any other way. It's amazing, really, when I think of it. I've had so much to do, and so little time, and yet, God provides for me in many ways.

Today, I suddenly received an sms on my hp, and I just went to check. Surprise of surprises when it came from MOE Scholarship Centre, asking me to check my e-mail for details on my application for an MOE Teaching Scholarship. So tentative me, jumped out of my bed where I was reading a book, grabbed my laptop, switched it on, and impatiently waited for it to boot up. The whole time, I prepared myself for the worse, thinking that it would tell me that my application was going to be unsuccessful. But would you believe it, I checked my e-mail, and they told me this:

"Dear Applicant
MOE TEACHING SCHOLARSHIPS

Please refer to your PSC scholarship application. As you had indicated “Teaching” as one of your choices, PSC has referred your application to MOE for our consideration.

Interviews will be conducted from April to June 2007. If you are shortlisted for an interview, we will contact you with the details of the interview. We will also inform all unsuccessful applicants. "

Well, I know that it's not really much to be happy about, because for all I know, I may not even make the shortlist. But I kept running into problems with my application for PSC... They don't even have my A level grades (B C C, it's not much I know), given that everything is computerised. I mean, they have my O Level grades.. how can they not have my A Level grades right? So I actually said a little prayer, and then left it be. I left it all in God's hands, and believed that if it was going to happen, then it would. So God answered this prayer of mine... I'm thankful. Praise God for his miracles.

I just watched this awfully impactful movie called "Facing the Giants." A movie that exudes God's glory, a movie that shows the power of God. I think that that really speaks for itself. That we should never give up, never back down. But most importantly, we should never lose faith.

I think that I'm losing faith in myself as a teacher, being honest. I faced it this week quite often. And I think that honestly? I really need to get myself away and re focus my priorities. I want to help my students to achieve what they can achieve, not because they feel they have to. But how can I do so? How can I make that happen? Miss Kannu told me something that made me feel a bit better. We can pray... and I was like, that's right. When all else fails, only through God can all things be possible. As long as our hearts are right, and our hearts are for God, then God will care about us, and the people we care for as well. Because we serve a great God.

I need some inspiration.. and I believe that God is there, and He will show me the way... but for now, I just have to keep being faithful, because I serve a Faithful God.

Hey Mandy,



I was just surfing around and came across Carrie Underwood's American Idol 4 Final single, "Inside Your Heaven." This song still never fails to amaze me that Carrie's vocals are pretty strong. And well, still gives me goosebumps at times as well... haha... I think she's become one of my favourite artistes. :)

Dear Mandy..

Passion. How oft it is that my life revolves around this word. It is a simple word, but it can mean the world to me. Be it being passionate about Victoria, or passionate about my work, or passionate about teaching, or passionate about my friends, the word is still, passion.

Today's OVA meeting really enlightened me on a lot of things. Things about Victoria, things about teaching, and on a side note, certain revelations, that I'm unable to talk about at this point of time... and the thing is, it got me thinking... and I found myself yearning once again for somebody to talk to... this week, the holidays in general, I've been sleeping a lot, reading a fair bit, did some work, but mostly, I think that I'm still trying to find some sort of peace to my inner self. I've been talking a lot to Xiao Yuan (who seems to be rather preoccupied this period of time), ShuXin (who REALLY shouldbe taking better care of her ankle), Gayne (who needs to rest a little bit more), Jacob (working in KL at the moment...) and Hui Zhi (Who should be on her way home from her 2nd performance for Evocation 2007).

Somehow... talking to the above 5 just make me feel better... especially to Jacob and Gayne... I could just be totally free and open to them... more to Jacob of late, since Gayne's having her A Level year, so she's awfully busy... I try as much as possible not to disturb her. But yesterday, I told Jacob that I'm quite tired emotionally... and in the end, we started to talk heart to heart... of course, the puns would come in as is the normal case for the both of us, but in the end, I guess we actually talked about things that were really affecting us. It felt kinda good...

Well, as for today's meeting, I heard some things, and I started to think a lot a lot. About teaching, about Victoria. I realised how important it is to have your heart in the right place when you teach, and about how you approach the students... how you can encourage and motivate them to do better, how you can make their lives a difference. Because as a teacher, like it or not, the students are watching your every move, and they actually do, to a certain extent, listen to what you say. I dunno... but if you show that you genuinely care, they actually listen a little more. And I need to stop treating a lesson like a lesson, and try to take it as an opportunity to make a difference... How can I make a lesson come to life... that's something I think I have to really really reflect on... Even though I'm doing casual relief... how can I make the lesson worth the time... that's probably a challenge that I have to look at now, and one, I'm very certain, I will be happy to tackle.

About Victoria... I think that there's cause to fight not. I can somehow sense that the bitterness that has been building inside of me, has finally found an avenue to speak out. I'm glad that it may come soon... well, let's see where it goes.

I'll reflect about all these tomorrow... or on saturday when I'm at VJC... I'm just looking forward to my personal time and peace...

Dear Mandy,



Ok, I think that this is the Youtube one... :)

Anyway, The song is called "Don't forget to remember me" by Carrie Underwood. The lyrics are as follows:

"Don’t Forget to Remember Me
(Morgan Hayes, Kelley Lovelace, Ashley Gorley)

Eighteen years had come and gone
For Momma they flew by
But for me they drug on and on
We were loadin’ up that Chevy
Both tryin’ not to cry
Momma kept on talkin’ puttin’ off goodbye
Then she took my hand and said
Baby don’t forget

1st Chorus:
Before you hit the highway you better stop for gas
And there’s a fifty in the ashtray if you run short on cash
Here’s a map and here’s a Bible if you ever lose your way
Just one more thing before you leave
Don’t forget to remember me

This downtown apartment sure makes me miss home
And those bills there on the counter
Keep tellin’ me I’m on my own
Just like every Sunday I called Mama up last night
And even when it’s not I tell her everything’s all right
Before we hung up I said
Hey Mama don’t forget

2nd Chorus:
To tell my baby sister I’ll see her in the fall
Tell Mama that I miss her yeah I should giver her a call
And make sure that you tell daddy that I’m still his little girl
Yeah I still feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be
But don’t forget to remember me

Bridge:
Tonight I find myself kneelin’ by the bed to pray
Haven’t done this in a while so i don’t know what to say
But Lord I feel so small sometimes in this big old place
Yeah I know there’s more important things
But don’t forget to remember me"

Well, I think that the lyrics are awfully touching... I mean, it's not often I find a song that can put such emotions into words and into such a touching song as well... there's a lot of things that I think we can all relate to at some point of time... MOre importantly, the little things that we take for granted in everyday life... like "Telling your daddy that you're still his little girl", "praying to the Lord", and other things..

But to me, most importantly, don't forget to remember the people who you love and cherish each and every day... Hope you all like this song.

(P.S., if this doesn't work, I'll go and upload the youtube video instead...)