Dear Mandy...
I've successfully completed my EOCC term, and come Monday, I'll be returning to OCS for the final 3 weeks of my term as an Officer Cadet of the SAF. I should be extremely happy and overjoyed, but the truth is, I'm just normal happy, not like, crazily excited...
I've changed, it's true. I went for my platoon interview with my instructor... and after telling him some stuff, he told me somethings... I've become more mature now, and I know a lot about leadership. I see, observe and I understand. But until I've tried out what I understand can I really experience, and well... I can link activities to purpose... I found what he said very true... and I guess it's my fault that I didn't make it to the top 20 names... cause I lost it when I didn't appreciate and hold tight to the opportunity given to me to shine... I'm okay with that I guess? Haha... I'm glad I commission.
But with all that relief and gladness, I know that I'm not as competent as what an Engineer Officer should be, but I believe that life is a learning journey. Where I'm not as proficient, I should aim to improve. Areas where I'm proficient, I should maintain and wherever possible, I should improve on them too. I like the way I place my friends above me. I like the way that I make an effort to do things for them... it's a nice, warm feeling when they reciprocate the help with just a simple thanks and a smile... That's my simple contentment in life I guess??
I make a better friend than a lover. I believe that's very true now... I've seen so much in the last 5 months as an Engineer Officer Cadet... and I know now, I'm not entirely ready to be in a relationship... I love being able to help my friends, and I'm not that able to balance my friends with whoever becomes my steady. It's funny.. but true. And well... I don't know fully how things will work out? Because I find myself putting in lots of effort into each relationship I've been, but somehow, they just don't work out. Sigh... haha... I'll let things go naturally... yeahz... but I guess I need to know what I'm lacking as a steady... Big and huge point to improve on.
I'm more a giver than a taker, but the contrast between the two have sort of diminished cause of the Army. I need to take sometimes to be able to justify my stand, cause after all, a leader in the Army requires that... Trust in people... I don't know... doesn't seem to have changed much. Still as trusting as ever... and well... I can safely say that I'm quite content with life at the present, though not always true in the Army.
To Anhua... thank you for always attempting to keep in contact with me... I really appreciate it. I really miss you... things here seem to be a bit different without you around. There's lots of things I wish I could share with you, but I'll adjust. :)
That's all for now... take care, Mandy.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Dear Mandy...
I'm back from Crescendo, and I believe that my perspectives on things have changed. I saw many things I didn't agree on, learnt a lot and experienced a fair bit in my training stint there... in both Beaver Venture and the assessment exercises.
I learnt that it's not wise to be overly acommodating in the army. This is not VJC... I do not have a warm and caring family called 20th, I do not have friendly and lovely juniors, I do not have accepting and gentle friends to push me forwards. I am on my own. And I know this: I can still be the same caring, open and fatherly person as a friend, but I cannot be the "junior-first" and personal development priority leader. I can only be a commander. I cannot always lead. It's hard to explain this revelation, but I find it very true.
What i believe for in leadership, I guess it's not applicable here... I'm saddened greatly by that fact. It's because I see a relatively screwed up way of leadership by the higher authorities, I see people who blatantly criticise without accepting the reasons given... I see people who take responsibility and abuse it. I see people who refuse to accept they are wrong. And I see people who are not who they claim themselves to be. It's a startling sight, a sad one in truth, and I found myself thinking again and again... is this really the kind of life I really want to live? I guess not...
I became more violent, and more protective of my friends when they are criticised by people who think they know a lot but in truth know little. I became more isolated as I felt better off doing things myself as I know that if anything goes wrong, I don't have to answer to anyone but myself, and if I do so, I won't be bothered by people who use authority to walk over me. I kept everything bottled up somewhere inside, but of late, i explode one time too many. 20th and 21st should know that I try my best not to explode... but do the people in camp know that? Not all.
I can't deny I still have good friends in camp whom I tell lots of things to and we share thoughts easily. Zhiyuan, Timothy, Samuel are my confidantes in there, and there's of course YY. And in Crescendo, they specs that I got close to, Ming Jun and kenneth, and there's also Ben and Edmund. So technically, I'm not alone, but in truth? I still feel lonely in there... Haha... so much for being DTM... I'm probable DTL sometimes. :)
So there's my Crescendo take... please do not tell this around... I don't want people who're not close to me in camp to find out abt this... I can keep up my sanity for a month more, I'm sure of that... do me this favour... k?
I'm back from Crescendo, and I believe that my perspectives on things have changed. I saw many things I didn't agree on, learnt a lot and experienced a fair bit in my training stint there... in both Beaver Venture and the assessment exercises.
I learnt that it's not wise to be overly acommodating in the army. This is not VJC... I do not have a warm and caring family called 20th, I do not have friendly and lovely juniors, I do not have accepting and gentle friends to push me forwards. I am on my own. And I know this: I can still be the same caring, open and fatherly person as a friend, but I cannot be the "junior-first" and personal development priority leader. I can only be a commander. I cannot always lead. It's hard to explain this revelation, but I find it very true.
What i believe for in leadership, I guess it's not applicable here... I'm saddened greatly by that fact. It's because I see a relatively screwed up way of leadership by the higher authorities, I see people who blatantly criticise without accepting the reasons given... I see people who take responsibility and abuse it. I see people who refuse to accept they are wrong. And I see people who are not who they claim themselves to be. It's a startling sight, a sad one in truth, and I found myself thinking again and again... is this really the kind of life I really want to live? I guess not...
I became more violent, and more protective of my friends when they are criticised by people who think they know a lot but in truth know little. I became more isolated as I felt better off doing things myself as I know that if anything goes wrong, I don't have to answer to anyone but myself, and if I do so, I won't be bothered by people who use authority to walk over me. I kept everything bottled up somewhere inside, but of late, i explode one time too many. 20th and 21st should know that I try my best not to explode... but do the people in camp know that? Not all.
I can't deny I still have good friends in camp whom I tell lots of things to and we share thoughts easily. Zhiyuan, Timothy, Samuel are my confidantes in there, and there's of course YY. And in Crescendo, they specs that I got close to, Ming Jun and kenneth, and there's also Ben and Edmund. So technically, I'm not alone, but in truth? I still feel lonely in there... Haha... so much for being DTM... I'm probable DTL sometimes. :)
So there's my Crescendo take... please do not tell this around... I don't want people who're not close to me in camp to find out abt this... I can keep up my sanity for a month more, I'm sure of that... do me this favour... k?
Friday, October 28, 2005
Dear Mandy...
Ok, so I leave for Crescendo, Thailand this week... am I prepared? I dunno... i can safely say I'm somewhat prepared, but I'm definitely not as confident as I know I should be... perhaps it's because everything is still so ambiguous... or maybe it's because if we fail the mission as appointment holders, we are under the Out of course list... or maybe it's because it's the first time we're working with specialists... I have no idea... Haha... but I believe Crescendo will test me physically and mentally... and I will try my best.
I guess? Personally, I hope Crescendo will give me some of my confidence as an appointment holder (if i get one) back. But my main objective for Crescendo is to do my best, and to help anybody who needs it in my platoon to let them commission... I really don't wish for anybody to be out of course. Especially when some of them are close and capable friends of mine.
I dunno.... recently, my temper and patience is awfully low in camp, but awfully high out of camp. Is it because I'm tired of being someone I'm not? Of having to accept and take a lot of things? I dunno... this week we had rehearsals for the Engineer Training Institute's assumption of command parade, and I'm like in the middle row and also the timer la... and then... I was selected by the sergeant to be the I/C for the last day, also the day of the parade... I was supposed to get the contingent to form up at the form up point by 1115hrs... and by 1114, we were still at the rest point, so i got the contingent to run to the form up point, just to see the instructors are not there, and so I got them to sit down. It spawned so many spiteful remarks from the specialists, and some of the EOCC.... it cut. Things like that... I dunno. I try, and sometimes, things get to me... but thanks to good friends who give me constructive advice. I appreciate it.
I miss 20th, Anhua and other good friends. Spent this week catching up with 3 friends... Maggie, Tryphena and Chiew Mei. It felt... awfully good. Haha... will catch up with u all in due time. Till then, do hold on...
Luv u all lots.
Ok, so I leave for Crescendo, Thailand this week... am I prepared? I dunno... i can safely say I'm somewhat prepared, but I'm definitely not as confident as I know I should be... perhaps it's because everything is still so ambiguous... or maybe it's because if we fail the mission as appointment holders, we are under the Out of course list... or maybe it's because it's the first time we're working with specialists... I have no idea... Haha... but I believe Crescendo will test me physically and mentally... and I will try my best.
I guess? Personally, I hope Crescendo will give me some of my confidence as an appointment holder (if i get one) back. But my main objective for Crescendo is to do my best, and to help anybody who needs it in my platoon to let them commission... I really don't wish for anybody to be out of course. Especially when some of them are close and capable friends of mine.
I dunno.... recently, my temper and patience is awfully low in camp, but awfully high out of camp. Is it because I'm tired of being someone I'm not? Of having to accept and take a lot of things? I dunno... this week we had rehearsals for the Engineer Training Institute's assumption of command parade, and I'm like in the middle row and also the timer la... and then... I was selected by the sergeant to be the I/C for the last day, also the day of the parade... I was supposed to get the contingent to form up at the form up point by 1115hrs... and by 1114, we were still at the rest point, so i got the contingent to run to the form up point, just to see the instructors are not there, and so I got them to sit down. It spawned so many spiteful remarks from the specialists, and some of the EOCC.... it cut. Things like that... I dunno. I try, and sometimes, things get to me... but thanks to good friends who give me constructive advice. I appreciate it.
I miss 20th, Anhua and other good friends. Spent this week catching up with 3 friends... Maggie, Tryphena and Chiew Mei. It felt... awfully good. Haha... will catch up with u all in due time. Till then, do hold on...
Luv u all lots.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Dear Mandy...
Haha... how shall I begin? I feel like a lost soul floating around in nowhere land... haha... I guess I'll start with the simple things, shall I?
EXERCISE CRESCENDO shall begin somewhere come next week, when we fly on the 31st October 2005. From there on, it's total mission mode, as the moment we touch down in Kanchanaburi, it's no joke, all operationally ready. And this time, we're going along with the Corporals, the specialists to be... it should be fun, and I hope that we can all work together to make Crescendo a fun and memorable experience.
But on a more personal note, I know that I'm not mentally ready for Crescendo. I've been brought through such an emotional roller coaster that I myself don't even want to expect anything anymore... just take it if it comes. I mean, I believed that I'd get an admin appointment in Crescendo, cause after I was stripped from CWC, I've never been given anything more than sect comd and sect 2 IC, and the best was CSM in EXERCISE UNICORN... but I'm not getting any admin appointment in Crescendo. Suddenly thinking if getting stripped of my appointment meant that I'll be black marked for life, or if I've done something wrong in the previous exercises and days that made me not selected, but perhaps I'm thinking too much. What's important is the field appointment, which I should be getting (if not, I'll really be ready to cry), and I'll just do my best.
I'm really quite glad that there are people who appreciate me and accommodate me, but I myself learn that not everyone's like that. Being in SOCE and the Army has definitely made me more vulgar (something that all of us are trying to curb), more tired, less patient, less tolerant... yeahz... I dunno... it also seems like we've been punished, scolded, and endured through so much shit and sweat and toil that we've adopted a heck care, just do it attitude... it's quite sad, actually... cause it made me think back about the council... and how we were actually happy doing all these crazy crazy things. Those days are over for now... and though army does make me morph into someone who reflects a lot on my actions and behaviours cause I'm constantly contradicted and unhappy, but I know that it at least makes me more appreciative of the world outside.
What makes me happy is time spent in VJC every weekend or book-out. I feel so much happier in that place... Studying, chatting with the normal few I've grown so close to... Ngee Leng, Yeowmay, Jing-YI, Santosh, Sumitra, Audrey, and my angel, Min Xuan. I am thankful for this group of juniors who accept me as part of their circle of friends.
20th... u guys are great... haha... Sanjay has been so encouraging, Samuel is me buddy in SOCE (unofficially), and Jellie is well, jellie! Haha... and to the XXth crew who miss everyone else... cheer up... things will be better... once the holidays come, I'll try to organise something... yepz... maybe a BBQ in VJC again, like the one we did for out Council Camp! Haha.. till then, take heart, keep the faith, and love u pple always.
Haha... how shall I begin? I feel like a lost soul floating around in nowhere land... haha... I guess I'll start with the simple things, shall I?
EXERCISE CRESCENDO shall begin somewhere come next week, when we fly on the 31st October 2005. From there on, it's total mission mode, as the moment we touch down in Kanchanaburi, it's no joke, all operationally ready. And this time, we're going along with the Corporals, the specialists to be... it should be fun, and I hope that we can all work together to make Crescendo a fun and memorable experience.
But on a more personal note, I know that I'm not mentally ready for Crescendo. I've been brought through such an emotional roller coaster that I myself don't even want to expect anything anymore... just take it if it comes. I mean, I believed that I'd get an admin appointment in Crescendo, cause after I was stripped from CWC, I've never been given anything more than sect comd and sect 2 IC, and the best was CSM in EXERCISE UNICORN... but I'm not getting any admin appointment in Crescendo. Suddenly thinking if getting stripped of my appointment meant that I'll be black marked for life, or if I've done something wrong in the previous exercises and days that made me not selected, but perhaps I'm thinking too much. What's important is the field appointment, which I should be getting (if not, I'll really be ready to cry), and I'll just do my best.
I'm really quite glad that there are people who appreciate me and accommodate me, but I myself learn that not everyone's like that. Being in SOCE and the Army has definitely made me more vulgar (something that all of us are trying to curb), more tired, less patient, less tolerant... yeahz... I dunno... it also seems like we've been punished, scolded, and endured through so much shit and sweat and toil that we've adopted a heck care, just do it attitude... it's quite sad, actually... cause it made me think back about the council... and how we were actually happy doing all these crazy crazy things. Those days are over for now... and though army does make me morph into someone who reflects a lot on my actions and behaviours cause I'm constantly contradicted and unhappy, but I know that it at least makes me more appreciative of the world outside.
What makes me happy is time spent in VJC every weekend or book-out. I feel so much happier in that place... Studying, chatting with the normal few I've grown so close to... Ngee Leng, Yeowmay, Jing-YI, Santosh, Sumitra, Audrey, and my angel, Min Xuan. I am thankful for this group of juniors who accept me as part of their circle of friends.
20th... u guys are great... haha... Sanjay has been so encouraging, Samuel is me buddy in SOCE (unofficially), and Jellie is well, jellie! Haha... and to the XXth crew who miss everyone else... cheer up... things will be better... once the holidays come, I'll try to organise something... yepz... maybe a BBQ in VJC again, like the one we did for out Council Camp! Haha.. till then, take heart, keep the faith, and love u pple always.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Dear Mandy...
To put it simply... I'm drained. Haha... yeahz... I dunno, I seem to have lost my zest and my will to carry on despite whatever happens to me... haha... I dunno... it was to the extent I felt there was no point carrying on with things the way they are at the present moment.
Today is the first real book out I've had for the past 2 weeks... I never thought I'd see the day... cause had range the last 2 days in which I did really badly and even suffered a major loss of confidence before I told myself to heck it, and just do what I can... haha... total bobo shooter I tell u... haha...
EX UNICORN, the local summary exercise ended just the previous week over the weekend, and what an exercise. I found myself banging pickets and pulling concertina wire and literally falling asleep while hitting pickets, to the extent I almost fell into the con wire... scary... cause we worked from like 8pm non stop until abt 3 am before we got out PPO and set out for live mine arming... u can imagine how tired we all were... and imagine that if I, the ever crazy energizer battery of 20th SC can end up like that... i guess it speaks volumes...
Gosh... I missed VJC openhouse... first time in 4 years... goodness... I was extremely upset... but well, I'm glad I have good friends in SOCE... Timothy, Samuel, ZhiYuan, Ying Yi, Jing Xin and Maureen and EC... haha... nice pple, all of them... I think i successfully formed a VJC foursome in Samuel, me, Timothy and Zhiyuan. I guess I'll never leave VJ... :)
Everyone's no longer attempting to keep in touch... haha... though Siva started something, and I'm attempting to stay in contact with me bez friend from VJC, Anhua, and Kristy K and Gracie thru e-mail...but locally? I shan't comment. I try... or rather, I attempt to do so... and haha... it led me to Meng Siong! Haha... it's at these times u see who really bothers to stay in touch... sometimes...it's the simple things that show a lot.
To me friends... I luv u all in me own special way. :) Don't forget me.
To put it simply... I'm drained. Haha... yeahz... I dunno, I seem to have lost my zest and my will to carry on despite whatever happens to me... haha... I dunno... it was to the extent I felt there was no point carrying on with things the way they are at the present moment.
Today is the first real book out I've had for the past 2 weeks... I never thought I'd see the day... cause had range the last 2 days in which I did really badly and even suffered a major loss of confidence before I told myself to heck it, and just do what I can... haha... total bobo shooter I tell u... haha...
EX UNICORN, the local summary exercise ended just the previous week over the weekend, and what an exercise. I found myself banging pickets and pulling concertina wire and literally falling asleep while hitting pickets, to the extent I almost fell into the con wire... scary... cause we worked from like 8pm non stop until abt 3 am before we got out PPO and set out for live mine arming... u can imagine how tired we all were... and imagine that if I, the ever crazy energizer battery of 20th SC can end up like that... i guess it speaks volumes...
Gosh... I missed VJC openhouse... first time in 4 years... goodness... I was extremely upset... but well, I'm glad I have good friends in SOCE... Timothy, Samuel, ZhiYuan, Ying Yi, Jing Xin and Maureen and EC... haha... nice pple, all of them... I think i successfully formed a VJC foursome in Samuel, me, Timothy and Zhiyuan. I guess I'll never leave VJ... :)
Everyone's no longer attempting to keep in touch... haha... though Siva started something, and I'm attempting to stay in contact with me bez friend from VJC, Anhua, and Kristy K and Gracie thru e-mail...but locally? I shan't comment. I try... or rather, I attempt to do so... and haha... it led me to Meng Siong! Haha... it's at these times u see who really bothers to stay in touch... sometimes...it's the simple things that show a lot.
To me friends... I luv u all in me own special way. :) Don't forget me.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Dear Mandy...
This week hasn't been good at all... what with landmine field camp... almost losing a mine... it was a really tiring week... sighz... but in any case, everything went ok in the end, and if anything, i think we bonded more, which is good, but it affects my judgment on myself, and I keep thinking I'm going to OOC... I don't know how well I'm doing, and for sure, I don't know what they're looking for... but I do know that everything is not right... feels not right... I dunno.
What is true is true i guess? Life's like that... I miss my friends... those that I were v v close to... now... everyone's in their own lives now, moving on in separate paths... and slowly, we're drifting apart. I feel so mucu for intra council now... days when we would meet up. I'm sorry... haha... I'm being sentimental.
This week hasn't been good at all... what with landmine field camp... almost losing a mine... it was a really tiring week... sighz... but in any case, everything went ok in the end, and if anything, i think we bonded more, which is good, but it affects my judgment on myself, and I keep thinking I'm going to OOC... I don't know how well I'm doing, and for sure, I don't know what they're looking for... but I do know that everything is not right... feels not right... I dunno.
What is true is true i guess? Life's like that... I miss my friends... those that I were v v close to... now... everyone's in their own lives now, moving on in separate paths... and slowly, we're drifting apart. I feel so mucu for intra council now... days when we would meet up. I'm sorry... haha... I'm being sentimental.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Dear Mandy...
I'm weary. Yeah... and it's honestly weird... cause I never thought I'd say that... Now that everyone's back... Bridging, CBRE... it's a whole new world... haha... It has been requiring a lot more of patience, of tolerance, of being more accommodating and greater friendly competition, coupled with an increasingly fast training program which is driving me nuts...
I need to be able to be my old crazy, helpful and ever ready self once again... the guy who can chiong and not get tired until it's all over... but it's becomes increasingly hard to do so... lack of sleep and a weary mind takes it's toll i guess... and i can't help it. I also realised so many flaws about myself, and I guess I need to change myself slowly, but surely...
To the person whom I have done wrong to, I'm so sorry... I'll work doubly hard to earn back your trust again... thank you for being understanding.
Take care pple...
I'm weary. Yeah... and it's honestly weird... cause I never thought I'd say that... Now that everyone's back... Bridging, CBRE... it's a whole new world... haha... It has been requiring a lot more of patience, of tolerance, of being more accommodating and greater friendly competition, coupled with an increasingly fast training program which is driving me nuts...
I need to be able to be my old crazy, helpful and ever ready self once again... the guy who can chiong and not get tired until it's all over... but it's becomes increasingly hard to do so... lack of sleep and a weary mind takes it's toll i guess... and i can't help it. I also realised so many flaws about myself, and I guess I need to change myself slowly, but surely...
To the person whom I have done wrong to, I'm so sorry... I'll work doubly hard to earn back your trust again... thank you for being understanding.
Take care pple...
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Dear Mandy...
Well... what a WEEK! It's been one full of revelations and stress and physical activities, that many a time, I feel myself overwhelmed and on the verge of just breaking down and giving up, despite the holidays... what makes this revelation much worse is the fact that it's not going to be the end. It's only the beginning after I found out I was appointed as CWC... sigh... I dunno... I just need to be strong... really strong, and do my best. It's not easy... already got s****** big time on my 1st day of appointment, but that's the way SOCE CTW runs, and that's the way we learn fast and are able to endure through intense stress...
Throughout this week, I realised that perhaps I'm really too naive... I found out so many things... things like how when people embark on a new world, find new friends, they neglect the old ones unless they mean a lot to them or there just so happens to be a meeting or gathering of some sort, and then they update each other on what has happened on their lives. I feel uncomfortable finding people to confide in, and to just talk to... Forget the fact that I'm in army, but the main thing is, people I used to be so comfortable just approaching them suddenly to me, it becomes an arduous task. Be it councillors or other people, it just feels that way. Soon, people are going to be leaving S'pore, and I now know that in some funny sense? I'll soon be forgotten, and my footprint in the sand will just be washed away just like any other impression.
Everyone's busy with their own lives now, and it gets harder and harder to stay in contact. I've been living in my own world far far too long, in that tight circle of innocence and naivity... but my bubble burst, and now I see the harsh realities of the modern world. In truth? It sucks. But if that's the way life is going to be, then rest assured I'll become like that. Been hurt one time too many and I so agree with people that I'm too nice... but that's the way I am, and I'll stay that way. Detect the irony? Haha... I'll still be the same, nice guy who everyone can turn to for help and a listening ear... just don't expect me to be overly dependent on u pple anymore k... I'll be strong, independent, and no longer that dependent and whiney guy. Someone made me see that, and I will be just that.
But I also know that there are true friends who honestly care for me... Abby and Gwen. Gwen is the surprise mei... haha...who just out of the blue surprises me that she cares for me. Haha... and Abby... my best friend from the start... thank you... And there's always the 21st SC! Especially Santosh, Jing-Yi, Yulan and my angel! Mini!! :) THanks u all...
Nil Sine Labore
Well... what a WEEK! It's been one full of revelations and stress and physical activities, that many a time, I feel myself overwhelmed and on the verge of just breaking down and giving up, despite the holidays... what makes this revelation much worse is the fact that it's not going to be the end. It's only the beginning after I found out I was appointed as CWC... sigh... I dunno... I just need to be strong... really strong, and do my best. It's not easy... already got s****** big time on my 1st day of appointment, but that's the way SOCE CTW runs, and that's the way we learn fast and are able to endure through intense stress...
Throughout this week, I realised that perhaps I'm really too naive... I found out so many things... things like how when people embark on a new world, find new friends, they neglect the old ones unless they mean a lot to them or there just so happens to be a meeting or gathering of some sort, and then they update each other on what has happened on their lives. I feel uncomfortable finding people to confide in, and to just talk to... Forget the fact that I'm in army, but the main thing is, people I used to be so comfortable just approaching them suddenly to me, it becomes an arduous task. Be it councillors or other people, it just feels that way. Soon, people are going to be leaving S'pore, and I now know that in some funny sense? I'll soon be forgotten, and my footprint in the sand will just be washed away just like any other impression.
Everyone's busy with their own lives now, and it gets harder and harder to stay in contact. I've been living in my own world far far too long, in that tight circle of innocence and naivity... but my bubble burst, and now I see the harsh realities of the modern world. In truth? It sucks. But if that's the way life is going to be, then rest assured I'll become like that. Been hurt one time too many and I so agree with people that I'm too nice... but that's the way I am, and I'll stay that way. Detect the irony? Haha... I'll still be the same, nice guy who everyone can turn to for help and a listening ear... just don't expect me to be overly dependent on u pple anymore k... I'll be strong, independent, and no longer that dependent and whiney guy. Someone made me see that, and I will be just that.
But I also know that there are true friends who honestly care for me... Abby and Gwen. Gwen is the surprise mei... haha...who just out of the blue surprises me that she cares for me. Haha... and Abby... my best friend from the start... thank you... And there's always the 21st SC! Especially Santosh, Jing-Yi, Yulan and my angel! Mini!! :) THanks u all...
Nil Sine Labore
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Dear Mandy...
Just a song that has caught me since I heard it, here it is... It's a really meaningful song, yet it's kinda off in some funny sense... haha... but I do like the song for it's meaning and it's tune... To me friends, if you ever really need someone, you know that I'll be around.
AROUND THE CORNER OF YOUR EYE- A Teens
If you knew how many nights
I've been sleeping by your bed
Running fingers through your hair while you're asleep
Everytime I call your name
Something whisper in your ear
Turn around to look for me and no one's there
Wherever you are, wherever you go
I'll be around
I'll be around, just want you to know
just want you to know
If you;'re lost without me
Wondering where I might be
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
Like an engel watching
Need me when you're dreaming
i'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
I can be your pot of gold
Everything you're wishing for
Do you really wanna find the rainbows there
Let me know and I'll come true
I will give my all to you
Don't let anyone take your dream away
Wherever you are, wherever you go
I'll be around
I'll be around, just want you to know
Just want you to know
If you're lost without me,
Wondering where I might be
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
Like an angel watching
Need me when you're dreaming
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
There's a song playing
And every heart feels it
If you peek at almost every door
There's a time for knowing
What's behind the curtain
And it's all you're wishing for
All you're wishing for
If you're lost without me
Wondering where I might be
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
like an angel watching
Need me when you're dreaming
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
Just a song that has caught me since I heard it, here it is... It's a really meaningful song, yet it's kinda off in some funny sense... haha... but I do like the song for it's meaning and it's tune... To me friends, if you ever really need someone, you know that I'll be around.
AROUND THE CORNER OF YOUR EYE- A Teens
If you knew how many nights
I've been sleeping by your bed
Running fingers through your hair while you're asleep
Everytime I call your name
Something whisper in your ear
Turn around to look for me and no one's there
Wherever you are, wherever you go
I'll be around
I'll be around, just want you to know
just want you to know
If you;'re lost without me
Wondering where I might be
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
Like an engel watching
Need me when you're dreaming
i'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
I can be your pot of gold
Everything you're wishing for
Do you really wanna find the rainbows there
Let me know and I'll come true
I will give my all to you
Don't let anyone take your dream away
Wherever you are, wherever you go
I'll be around
I'll be around, just want you to know
Just want you to know
If you're lost without me,
Wondering where I might be
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
Like an angel watching
Need me when you're dreaming
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
There's a song playing
And every heart feels it
If you peek at almost every door
There's a time for knowing
What's behind the curtain
And it's all you're wishing for
All you're wishing for
If you're lost without me
Wondering where I might be
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
like an angel watching
Need me when you're dreaming
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
Friday, July 29, 2005
Dear Mandy...
College day was yesterday, and I am still in the happy and joyous mood of reminiscing about yesterday... I was already hyper once I entered the college... I was really looking forward to the event happening... and it was true...
I saw so many people... Chiew Mei, Huifen, Amy, Kaval,Hwee Han, Tryphena, Karen, XuWen, and the 21st Council... and also the people that I saw but never spoke to... Kristy P, Anhua, and some members of the 22nd Council... But I myself was shocked at the fact that there were only 4 awards for Council this year... Siva, Zhe Bin, Jacob and me... Hui Yi didn't receive it... neither did Kaval or Edrei or Deepak... and I was really shocked and unhappy... I didn't think that I deserve it in the end... There are Councillors from 20th that deserve it much more than I did... sigh... I don't know... but if I could change that fact, then I guess I would.
Mini, Kandy, Yulan, Jing-Yi, Santosh, Zhiren, Jaclyn, Kelvin, Hian Chuan and Audrey were the 21st Councillors that I saw and spoke to yesterday... especially Mini, Kandy, Yulan and Jing-Yi... haha... Really miss these people, who've accepted me as part of them despite me being their senior in truth... Dunno la... but I miss the cohesion and the unity that Councillors always have... and of course, the 22nd... There was the hyperacive Vernie, the two runners, Charlene, the person I always bully, Alvin the president, JAsmine, Atiqah and the other exco members... they should do well in the months to come... :)
Memories are but secrets kept in your heart to be remembered forever and ever.. and well, I know that I will. I'm a Victorian, through and through... I won't forget that.
College day was yesterday, and I am still in the happy and joyous mood of reminiscing about yesterday... I was already hyper once I entered the college... I was really looking forward to the event happening... and it was true...
I saw so many people... Chiew Mei, Huifen, Amy, Kaval,Hwee Han, Tryphena, Karen, XuWen, and the 21st Council... and also the people that I saw but never spoke to... Kristy P, Anhua, and some members of the 22nd Council... But I myself was shocked at the fact that there were only 4 awards for Council this year... Siva, Zhe Bin, Jacob and me... Hui Yi didn't receive it... neither did Kaval or Edrei or Deepak... and I was really shocked and unhappy... I didn't think that I deserve it in the end... There are Councillors from 20th that deserve it much more than I did... sigh... I don't know... but if I could change that fact, then I guess I would.
Mini, Kandy, Yulan, Jing-Yi, Santosh, Zhiren, Jaclyn, Kelvin, Hian Chuan and Audrey were the 21st Councillors that I saw and spoke to yesterday... especially Mini, Kandy, Yulan and Jing-Yi... haha... Really miss these people, who've accepted me as part of them despite me being their senior in truth... Dunno la... but I miss the cohesion and the unity that Councillors always have... and of course, the 22nd... There was the hyperacive Vernie, the two runners, Charlene, the person I always bully, Alvin the president, JAsmine, Atiqah and the other exco members... they should do well in the months to come... :)
Memories are but secrets kept in your heart to be remembered forever and ever.. and well, I know that I will. I'm a Victorian, through and through... I won't forget that.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
dear Mandy...
Meet the 20th students' council of VJC... I'm currently on a nights off from camp, but I know that with this nights off, I'll be in for tons more unhappiness, so I'm wondering whyz. Nvm.. let me say why I've placed this picture up here first.
I miss them. The 20th SC of VJC... and as I'm sitting here, typing this entry on the day before my college day, I realise so many things that I have never let myself come to terms with... and yet, I know deep down inside, I don't regret a part of anything that has happened come thus far. From being a nominee all the way to stepping down... every single memory comes back so vividly to me... Be it mass dancing to the wee hours of the night, to choreographing dances every sunday, to shifting chairs in the hall, painting banners and match support... they all form the 20th's history and our legacy, which I dutifully claim to be one of the best VJC has ever seen...
Our council consists of 37 people... 14 guys and 23 girls... it ended up being a balanced mix in the end... with really good cohesive bonds between most of us. Sure we have our ups and downs, and our tears and laughter, but one thing I'm happy about is how we all eventually rally around each other... in some way or another. Of these people who mostly became my immediate family, I'm glad to say that I left with a bunch of really good friends, and some of them I have grown to cherish as personal confidantes and in my circle of closest friends. My beliefs have changed since I last remember, but I still cherish my friends all the same, though they are no longer the epitome of my life, as how I valued friendship as the epitome of my life in VJC, VS and Rosyth.
We rock as a council, painting perhaps some of the most extravagant banners ever seen in the history of VJC... There's "l'arc en ciel" our openhouse banner, our SDD banner- castle in the sky, and our council banner, as shown above... they're all a pride and joy for me... when u see the amount of days and effort we placed into the painting, and all the fun and laughter we share each time, you can't help but miss the strong atmosphere of love and joy as you think back on those paint splattered moments and the sense of pride as a plain piece of cloth becomes a miraculous wonderous work of art.
To my treasured Councillors... I love every single one of you in my own special way... You've all been a council that I am proud to say I have had the honour of being in, and we have done what we set out to achieve. We may not have done all that we could, but at the very least, we know we tried, and we made a turning point in VJC SC's history. We're all going on to our separate paths soon, and as the sun slowly begins to set upon our ending paragraphs of our chapter as 20th, I do hope we'll carry on and keep in contact, meeting when we can, going for Intra-Council together, and maybe even a repeat Council trip overseas. Till then, do take care...
These are my words to some councillors who've played integral roles in my life...
Siva: thanks for being the president that you are and my buddy throughout this term. Keep striving, keep going for your dream, doctor. Won't forget u..
Sanjay: My MRS... the enthu brother who never fails to be encouraging... hang in there and carry on being ur hardworking self alwayz...
Sanjee: My classmate who became such a good friend in the closing days... he's one cool dude!
Samuel: My SOCE buddy! haha... we'll pull through together, i hope!
Joel and Sara: My tiddledinks royal family... haha... :)
Jason: From Sierra wing throughout? u rock!
Amy: Er jie!!!! Since P5!! haha... long friendship here that I'm glad to have.
Deepak and Edrei: My fellow Co heads... what can I say? We argue and complain, but we still are united just the same!
KrisP: My dance partner... enuff said.
Gracie: My ever friendly and cheerful Gracie... stay happy k?
Jenna: My classmate who's been with me through thick and thin in class and out of it! haha!
Dominique: TWINNIE DARLING! My ECO vice-head who became my twin cause we see eye to eye on situations. Hahaha...
HZ: My 55 bus partner and my SDD dance partner and someone who's sees the best in me. Thank you.
Li Juan: the most hardworking councillor i know... :)
Kristy Koh: My mei... our friendship has seen the most arduous mountains, but the fact that we pulled through and became close friends says a lot about this mei of mine... :) Keep in touch after u fly.
Hui Yi: I affectionately call this mei Xiao Yi... but she's by far one of the most meticulous secretaries I have ever seen, and she has this ability to carry burdens more heavy than her own weight, and still go on strong... :) Hope that u are happy mei...
Rachel: Perhaps the councillor that I'm the closest to now... keep shining and keep on smiling... you'll do fine in the years to come, my dear friend.
Now... on to perhaps the most important friend to me, who has made a huge influence on me in VJC and after... She's been my pillar of strength when I was at my utmost low as a Councillor, and she has this amazing strength about her that I never fail to be impressed of. She's Chen Anhua, and my best friend to me in VJC. Though soon we'll be continents apart, I do wish this really good friend of mine all the best... hope our friendship never ends...
That ends my VJC reminiscing... haha... I miss everyone, and everything... do do do be happy everyone... and don't forget me, for I know I won't forget you. I promise.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Dear Mandy...
Yes, I'm back from Brunei, and it's official now... I'm back to being a single person... Yingz and I have broken up in an amicable way... We both agreed to remain as good friends, and perhaps it's better for the both of us to concentrate on our individual paths. In some weird sense, being in the army has made me more towards a guy playing solitaire sometimes... So I guess that was what made me a different person to some extent... To Yingz, all the best in your future endeavours.
I'm weary and tired, thanks to SOCE, thanks to running about all day, and I still have yet to start my running regime and my SOC training during book out... I have to start soon... I realised that I'm starting to develop that feeling of wanting to be an officer now. I want to commission... and I know I'll be in for tough training, but I have to try my best.
I went back for VJC VIP openhouse today, and 22nd is really quitean interesting council. They operate somewhat differently in feeling from 20th and 21st, but they're quite a lively lot... got a lot of unpolished areas though, but i think that they may be a raw diamond waiting for treatment. 21st on the other hand, have accomplished yet another term of council life, and I know that they're a good council, and have bright futures ahead. Keep rocking 21st.
20th is still there too. :)
Yes, I'm back from Brunei, and it's official now... I'm back to being a single person... Yingz and I have broken up in an amicable way... We both agreed to remain as good friends, and perhaps it's better for the both of us to concentrate on our individual paths. In some weird sense, being in the army has made me more towards a guy playing solitaire sometimes... So I guess that was what made me a different person to some extent... To Yingz, all the best in your future endeavours.
I'm weary and tired, thanks to SOCE, thanks to running about all day, and I still have yet to start my running regime and my SOC training during book out... I have to start soon... I realised that I'm starting to develop that feeling of wanting to be an officer now. I want to commission... and I know I'll be in for tough training, but I have to try my best.
I went back for VJC VIP openhouse today, and 22nd is really quitean interesting council. They operate somewhat differently in feeling from 20th and 21st, but they're quite a lively lot... got a lot of unpolished areas though, but i think that they may be a raw diamond waiting for treatment. 21st on the other hand, have accomplished yet another term of council life, and I know that they're a good council, and have bright futures ahead. Keep rocking 21st.
20th is still there too. :)
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Dear Mandy...
I hate army... serious... these last 4 days of block leave have passed by so quickly, I don't even know what I've done! And suddenly, I'm about... five hours away from going to Brunei for a jungle orientation course... and I seriously am not looking forward to starting the 5 mths of training for pro term. It's another set of obstacles and stress... and to be honest, I really wish I was going to start university instead of heading back into camp for 1.5 years more of regimentation and immense stress... personally, I don't understand why I'm feeling so unhappy everytime i have to book in, and why I'm depressed each time I do book in... oh, i dunno... I just wish I knew why... I used to be optimistic even in the most saddest of situations... but now... I just hate the sight of that green uniform, hate the feeling of being stuck in camp, hate the fact that I'm still having to be assessed on stuff.... and well... life isn't easy, that I've known... but sometimes I just want to be able to take a really long vacation... just to refind the me that I've lost somehow... It just feels like... some sort of never ending camp which gets worse along the way...
Perhaps I just need someone to lean on, once in a while... ever since Yingz and I went on timeout and I entered my isolation state and everything, picking myself up myself... I remember back in JC... my grades were always so bad... and yet i still managed to pick myself up and move on. Then I had the support of all the study grp pple, Council, Anhua and Yingz... but now... all of us have our own paths to focus on, and the army pple I spend my time with, all too have their own problems. It's nice to see how pple rally arnd each other sometimes... :)
I met up with Ngee Leng and Yeow May and Siva on friday... and I really miss VJC... The school's undergoing loads of renovations now.. and it looks different... more zesty if anything, and it's a good sign of the things to come. Then yesterday, I went to witness Rachel's baptism... her church, FCBC is really a very unique church... they encourage people to let loose with their pain and unhappiness openly, and the topic for the service yest, forgiveness, is really appropriate for me this week... haha... I may not be a Christian, but the service is really a memorable one, and I rather liked it...
After that, 9 of us went over to Fish and Co to eat, and we had a blast of a time.. it was just like old times... chatting over dinner... that I really miss... :) I was sad when we all had to go home... but I also know we'll meet up soon, b4 the girls start uni... I hope at least...
I hate army... serious... these last 4 days of block leave have passed by so quickly, I don't even know what I've done! And suddenly, I'm about... five hours away from going to Brunei for a jungle orientation course... and I seriously am not looking forward to starting the 5 mths of training for pro term. It's another set of obstacles and stress... and to be honest, I really wish I was going to start university instead of heading back into camp for 1.5 years more of regimentation and immense stress... personally, I don't understand why I'm feeling so unhappy everytime i have to book in, and why I'm depressed each time I do book in... oh, i dunno... I just wish I knew why... I used to be optimistic even in the most saddest of situations... but now... I just hate the sight of that green uniform, hate the feeling of being stuck in camp, hate the fact that I'm still having to be assessed on stuff.... and well... life isn't easy, that I've known... but sometimes I just want to be able to take a really long vacation... just to refind the me that I've lost somehow... It just feels like... some sort of never ending camp which gets worse along the way...
Perhaps I just need someone to lean on, once in a while... ever since Yingz and I went on timeout and I entered my isolation state and everything, picking myself up myself... I remember back in JC... my grades were always so bad... and yet i still managed to pick myself up and move on. Then I had the support of all the study grp pple, Council, Anhua and Yingz... but now... all of us have our own paths to focus on, and the army pple I spend my time with, all too have their own problems. It's nice to see how pple rally arnd each other sometimes... :)
I met up with Ngee Leng and Yeow May and Siva on friday... and I really miss VJC... The school's undergoing loads of renovations now.. and it looks different... more zesty if anything, and it's a good sign of the things to come. Then yesterday, I went to witness Rachel's baptism... her church, FCBC is really a very unique church... they encourage people to let loose with their pain and unhappiness openly, and the topic for the service yest, forgiveness, is really appropriate for me this week... haha... I may not be a Christian, but the service is really a memorable one, and I rather liked it...
After that, 9 of us went over to Fish and Co to eat, and we had a blast of a time.. it was just like old times... chatting over dinner... that I really miss... :) I was sad when we all had to go home... but I also know we'll meet up soon, b4 the girls start uni... I hope at least...
Friday, June 24, 2005
Dear Mandy...
Haha... I just watched 2 korean movies: "A moment to remember" and "Love, so divine" and well, I'm really quite touched by the two movies... both talks about love, but they exemplify it in two different ways.
In "A moment to remember", the story starts with this woman, Kim Su-JIn, who's successful in her career, and with a silver spoon in her mouth, her dad being the head of a building company. Problem is, Su-Jin's absent minded, so while she's still getting a good job, she's sort of sent to do the ones that require the least memory work: men's formal wear. The male counterpart is a poor carpenter who starts off by working under Su-Jin's dad. His name is Choi Chul-Soo, and their story is sweet. It talks about their romance, how it develops, they get married, and they are really sweet and easy-going to each other. Through each other, they learn things they never did... like how Chul-Soo comes to forgive his mother for walking out on them, and to be a better carpenter, and how Su-Jin learns to be a better housewife. It seems as though Chul-Soo learns more right? But in the later parts of the movie, Su-Jin is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, and gradually, as the day goes by, she loses more and more of her memory. Chul-Soo is devastated, but he still holds on strongly to their relationship. In the midst of a big project, he takes the time and effort to write down everything and displays them on the walls of their home. Things like "how to answer a phone call" and pictures of them together, identifying each other. And Chul-Soo even accepts being called by Su-Jin's ex-lover, as he knows that she can't tell the two apart. One day, Su-Jin remembers everything, and she's appalled by what she has done... calling him by her ex-lover's name and everything, so she pulls all the pictures down, and writes a long letter to Chul-Soo, saying that he's the one she'll always love, and that though he has never said "I love you" to her, she knows that he loves her a lot a lot... it's really sweet, that part, that I end up crying... Su-Jin then leaves the house and runs away to a hospital for people with Alzheimer's disease. Chul-Soo is devastated, to say the least. He doesn't know where to find her, and it affects his work greatly... until he receives a letter from Su-Jin, who recovers her memory for a short while and takes the opportunity to write a letter to him. He goes to find her, and realises she doesn't remember him anymore, though she repeatedly draws his picture in her sketch book. Chul-Soo then makes the effort to bring her back to the place they first met, and throws everyone she's related to inside... Su-Jin regains her memory, and the both of them drive off into the sunset. Along the way, Chul-Soo turns to Su-Jin and says to her what she has always wanted to hear: "Saranghaeyo".
The movie ends there.. its' quite sweet.. haha... will write about "love, so divine" next time... yeahz.
Haha... I just watched 2 korean movies: "A moment to remember" and "Love, so divine" and well, I'm really quite touched by the two movies... both talks about love, but they exemplify it in two different ways.
In "A moment to remember", the story starts with this woman, Kim Su-JIn, who's successful in her career, and with a silver spoon in her mouth, her dad being the head of a building company. Problem is, Su-Jin's absent minded, so while she's still getting a good job, she's sort of sent to do the ones that require the least memory work: men's formal wear. The male counterpart is a poor carpenter who starts off by working under Su-Jin's dad. His name is Choi Chul-Soo, and their story is sweet. It talks about their romance, how it develops, they get married, and they are really sweet and easy-going to each other. Through each other, they learn things they never did... like how Chul-Soo comes to forgive his mother for walking out on them, and to be a better carpenter, and how Su-Jin learns to be a better housewife. It seems as though Chul-Soo learns more right? But in the later parts of the movie, Su-Jin is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, and gradually, as the day goes by, she loses more and more of her memory. Chul-Soo is devastated, but he still holds on strongly to their relationship. In the midst of a big project, he takes the time and effort to write down everything and displays them on the walls of their home. Things like "how to answer a phone call" and pictures of them together, identifying each other. And Chul-Soo even accepts being called by Su-Jin's ex-lover, as he knows that she can't tell the two apart. One day, Su-Jin remembers everything, and she's appalled by what she has done... calling him by her ex-lover's name and everything, so she pulls all the pictures down, and writes a long letter to Chul-Soo, saying that he's the one she'll always love, and that though he has never said "I love you" to her, she knows that he loves her a lot a lot... it's really sweet, that part, that I end up crying... Su-Jin then leaves the house and runs away to a hospital for people with Alzheimer's disease. Chul-Soo is devastated, to say the least. He doesn't know where to find her, and it affects his work greatly... until he receives a letter from Su-Jin, who recovers her memory for a short while and takes the opportunity to write a letter to him. He goes to find her, and realises she doesn't remember him anymore, though she repeatedly draws his picture in her sketch book. Chul-Soo then makes the effort to bring her back to the place they first met, and throws everyone she's related to inside... Su-Jin regains her memory, and the both of them drive off into the sunset. Along the way, Chul-Soo turns to Su-Jin and says to her what she has always wanted to hear: "Saranghaeyo".
The movie ends there.. its' quite sweet.. haha... will write about "love, so divine" next time... yeahz.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Dear Mandy...
Well, I've officially finished service term of OCS, so it's one third of my cadet life down... and I passed SOC 9.27... the passing time is 9.29... so I am quite relieved. Posted to School of Combat Engineers, and then I found out that I have to do SOC there again.. and I have to meet the passing timing again, and that the rundown is upslope... so well, it's another challenge... I hate SOC, but well, I'll just have to do it I guess... no choice. That's just life... I can only try to be optimistic, and take whatever challenges that come my way. :)
I was looking through the pictures of the VJC 20th SC... and well, I felt this wave of sadness rush over me, as I realise that we're going to be unable to meet up much... sigh... I miss 20th a lot a lot... Miss the days of mass dance, planning, match support and our own choreographed dances... and of course, the little bit and pieces that placed our council together... without a doubt... in VJC, they were my little world... my family, if I say so myself... I miss them dearly... albeit some more than others, but in some weird way, I miss that life...
I'm going to Brunei come Sunday night for ten days before I start in SOCE. To my friends, I'll try to meet up with each of u all k? Trust me... :)
Well, I've officially finished service term of OCS, so it's one third of my cadet life down... and I passed SOC 9.27... the passing time is 9.29... so I am quite relieved. Posted to School of Combat Engineers, and then I found out that I have to do SOC there again.. and I have to meet the passing timing again, and that the rundown is upslope... so well, it's another challenge... I hate SOC, but well, I'll just have to do it I guess... no choice. That's just life... I can only try to be optimistic, and take whatever challenges that come my way. :)
I was looking through the pictures of the VJC 20th SC... and well, I felt this wave of sadness rush over me, as I realise that we're going to be unable to meet up much... sigh... I miss 20th a lot a lot... Miss the days of mass dance, planning, match support and our own choreographed dances... and of course, the little bit and pieces that placed our council together... without a doubt... in VJC, they were my little world... my family, if I say so myself... I miss them dearly... albeit some more than others, but in some weird way, I miss that life...
I'm going to Brunei come Sunday night for ten days before I start in SOCE. To my friends, I'll try to meet up with each of u all k? Trust me... :)
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Dear Mandy...
Life these couple of days has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, and I don't know where to begin... I'll start with the all time lows first. Yingz and I are currently on a timeout... Being in army means I don't have as much time to spend as I used to, and well, it affected our relationship a lot... I grew to realise that I complain too much about Army, and i listened less... Sub-consciously, I've changed and I didn't realise it... I guess it's true when they say that the Army ruins relationships... I finally see it, and some other friends too... I don't know... the Army... it isn't what it says out there... it's a whole new ball game. So now, I'm in a loss of what to do, but I still believe there's hope.
Lots of my friends are going overseas... Grace, Anhua, Kristy... sigh.. makes me wonder when 20th will ever have a full gathering again... I guess that's not possible for the time being, what with the guys all in NS, and the girls working and going to uni soon... I miss my friends... And i also realise that I'd better take the time now to catch up and spend time with them before they go overseas and I don't see them for 4 years perhaps?
I went for VJC soccer finals... We lost by a really small margin... what with a penalty shootout and no lights... everyone was upset... really, and the match support though not fantastic, but was evident that the red shirts placed effort in their cheering. After the loss, they cried, and I was reminded greatly... of our year soccer finals, when we lost in somewhat similar ways... I understood how they felt, and throughout the year, the soccer guys had placed a lot of effort in training... that day, 20th red shirts were all upset... David and i cried, Sharon, Joanna, Priya... and all of us were upset... but I hope the red shirts benefit from this experience... and sincerely hope that it will make things better for Council.
Despite the unhappy sides, there's stil the happy moments... I met up with 20th during soccer finals, and what a meeting it was! It involved a ride from National Stadium to Chomp Chomp, and from there to Sharon's house to have dinner... It was a huge dinner manz... Stingray, chicken wings, carrot cake, ice cream float, murtabak, rojak... huge dinnner manz. It amounted to about $140... and we chatted a lot... about the old days... but I guess we've all changed in some way or other... and it was nice to see how people matured... the missing finally appeared... but there were others who we wished could be there but weren't there... But I have hope that things will be better for 20th... we have strong bonds... and i hope it remains that way.
And about Army... I'll try to be optimistic... but it's hard... I'l try.
Life these couple of days has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, and I don't know where to begin... I'll start with the all time lows first. Yingz and I are currently on a timeout... Being in army means I don't have as much time to spend as I used to, and well, it affected our relationship a lot... I grew to realise that I complain too much about Army, and i listened less... Sub-consciously, I've changed and I didn't realise it... I guess it's true when they say that the Army ruins relationships... I finally see it, and some other friends too... I don't know... the Army... it isn't what it says out there... it's a whole new ball game. So now, I'm in a loss of what to do, but I still believe there's hope.
Lots of my friends are going overseas... Grace, Anhua, Kristy... sigh.. makes me wonder when 20th will ever have a full gathering again... I guess that's not possible for the time being, what with the guys all in NS, and the girls working and going to uni soon... I miss my friends... And i also realise that I'd better take the time now to catch up and spend time with them before they go overseas and I don't see them for 4 years perhaps?
I went for VJC soccer finals... We lost by a really small margin... what with a penalty shootout and no lights... everyone was upset... really, and the match support though not fantastic, but was evident that the red shirts placed effort in their cheering. After the loss, they cried, and I was reminded greatly... of our year soccer finals, when we lost in somewhat similar ways... I understood how they felt, and throughout the year, the soccer guys had placed a lot of effort in training... that day, 20th red shirts were all upset... David and i cried, Sharon, Joanna, Priya... and all of us were upset... but I hope the red shirts benefit from this experience... and sincerely hope that it will make things better for Council.
Despite the unhappy sides, there's stil the happy moments... I met up with 20th during soccer finals, and what a meeting it was! It involved a ride from National Stadium to Chomp Chomp, and from there to Sharon's house to have dinner... It was a huge dinner manz... Stingray, chicken wings, carrot cake, ice cream float, murtabak, rojak... huge dinnner manz. It amounted to about $140... and we chatted a lot... about the old days... but I guess we've all changed in some way or other... and it was nice to see how people matured... the missing finally appeared... but there were others who we wished could be there but weren't there... But I have hope that things will be better for 20th... we have strong bonds... and i hope it remains that way.
And about Army... I'll try to be optimistic... but it's hard... I'l try.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
dear Mandy...
Okay, I must admit... I'm not in the best of moods everytime I have to book in, and when I'm in camp, I want to get out of there. It's not right, I know, and well, I wonder if I'm the only one who's feeling that way. I still can't get SOC right... First it was low rope and low wall, now it's low wall and swing trainer... I at least still manage to get over the low wall, albeit with some difficulty, but a different obstacle awaits me everytime... I wonder why... I have to meet the 9min 30 sec target to pass SOC in OCS standards, and to meet the 9min target to pass SOC in Sierra Wing's standards... I have quite low morale and confidence in there... and the feeling clearly sucks...
Life's like that, and I guess that I'm not going to be able to pass on Monday, but I'll still try my best and aim for under 9 minutes... I shouldn't let it get me down if I don't meet the 9 minutes and have to go for training, cause the training will do me good... Need to have a stronger mindset as well... and need to be myself again... I've been unable to be the enthusiastic, exuberant me, the crazy and wild me in here, though occasionally I do let it show... plus, I don't really feel very comfortable opening up to people in here... feel like I'm inferior or something... the male ego... it never fails to show up. Haha... lots of stress, but it'll do me good.
I'm sorry to my friends that I haven't been able to meet up with you all and keep in contact. I wish very much that I could, but circumstances now do not allow me to do so... Just want to drop u all a msg that u are still held very closely in my heart, and that I miss all of you lots. There's a lot of catching up to be done... with 20th, Anhua, Abby, my study group and lots and lots of other people... Know I've been relatively MIA for sometime, but I'll be back when the situation allows me to... so guys, don't forget me, cause I won't forget you.
And to my dear Yingz, I love u lots...! :)
Okay, I must admit... I'm not in the best of moods everytime I have to book in, and when I'm in camp, I want to get out of there. It's not right, I know, and well, I wonder if I'm the only one who's feeling that way. I still can't get SOC right... First it was low rope and low wall, now it's low wall and swing trainer... I at least still manage to get over the low wall, albeit with some difficulty, but a different obstacle awaits me everytime... I wonder why... I have to meet the 9min 30 sec target to pass SOC in OCS standards, and to meet the 9min target to pass SOC in Sierra Wing's standards... I have quite low morale and confidence in there... and the feeling clearly sucks...
Life's like that, and I guess that I'm not going to be able to pass on Monday, but I'll still try my best and aim for under 9 minutes... I shouldn't let it get me down if I don't meet the 9 minutes and have to go for training, cause the training will do me good... Need to have a stronger mindset as well... and need to be myself again... I've been unable to be the enthusiastic, exuberant me, the crazy and wild me in here, though occasionally I do let it show... plus, I don't really feel very comfortable opening up to people in here... feel like I'm inferior or something... the male ego... it never fails to show up. Haha... lots of stress, but it'll do me good.
I'm sorry to my friends that I haven't been able to meet up with you all and keep in contact. I wish very much that I could, but circumstances now do not allow me to do so... Just want to drop u all a msg that u are still held very closely in my heart, and that I miss all of you lots. There's a lot of catching up to be done... with 20th, Anhua, Abby, my study group and lots and lots of other people... Know I've been relatively MIA for sometime, but I'll be back when the situation allows me to... so guys, don't forget me, cause I won't forget you.
And to my dear Yingz, I love u lots...! :)
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Heyz Mandy..
In a blink of an eye... it's the end of block leave and come monday, i shall report to my new unit. Yes, I have managed to enter the prestigious Officer Cadet School, together with Deepak and Jason from council, Syaz from NCC (Air), Daniel Law from prefex, Amir from me study group... yeapz.. a lot of people made it to SISPEC though, and I for one am surprised I made it to OCS... I shall adopt a positive attitude and try my best in there... it's not going to be easy... but I have to try.
I went back to Elects camp to see 21st and the 22nd elects... and well, a lot of changes have been made to the camp, but i hope that things are for the better. The effects of the training can only be seen in the work and efficiency the Elects display in their undertakings. They do have potential... but it remains to be seen how they use it to their best.
And I love my darling... :)
In a blink of an eye... it's the end of block leave and come monday, i shall report to my new unit. Yes, I have managed to enter the prestigious Officer Cadet School, together with Deepak and Jason from council, Syaz from NCC (Air), Daniel Law from prefex, Amir from me study group... yeapz.. a lot of people made it to SISPEC though, and I for one am surprised I made it to OCS... I shall adopt a positive attitude and try my best in there... it's not going to be easy... but I have to try.
I went back to Elects camp to see 21st and the 22nd elects... and well, a lot of changes have been made to the camp, but i hope that things are for the better. The effects of the training can only be seen in the work and efficiency the Elects display in their undertakings. They do have potential... but it remains to be seen how they use it to their best.
And I love my darling... :)
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Dear Mandy...
Ok, I've officially graduated from BMT, and have been promoted from the rank of RECRUIT to the wonderful rank of PRIVATE. Sounds kinda ironic, but hey! It's the end of BMT, and the start of a new phase... it just means to me that my NS life is moving on, and soon, i hope, that it'll be over soon... being in NS is really a furore of feelings to me... and also a period of time whereby i face lots of competition to be the best... perhaps this environment is good for me in a sense... forcing me to try to be the best... but well, I'm also trying hard to be content with what I have, and who I am... I really don't wish to prove anything... just pass whatever i need to pass, meet the minimum requirement, do my best. I believe that's the best for me...
Also got back my A level results le, though not exactly fantastic, but it's enough to get me to university, so I'm more or less contented with what I have. I did make an improvement, as did a lot of us, so just take it with a pinch of salt, and move on from here. This period of my life is one frought with disappointments and setbacks, and I cannot deny that I have been affected by it in terms of confidence and other things, but life goes on as it always does. One can only pick himself up from where he fell and press on courageously, making sure that he puts in enough effort to not fall back into the same pit. Even if he does, he's gotta regain his footing again. That's life.
Thinking back on all the memories that I made in VS, VJC and also in some weird sense, BMT. Realise that we all have made our own time ours to hold and have, something that is quite a memorable incident. Jing-Yi asked me yesterday to state my most memorable moment and most satisfying moment in my Council term. I said my most satisfying moment was the day we all took off our tags... and I realised that we actually achieved more than what we set out to do... and we had met our vision and our objectives... we had succeeded. My most memorable moment, were the times when we had reflections, or like the presentation that joel made, or when we were reading the letters of thanks given by other councillors, and that feeling we all felt... that for one single moment, it was the same. It may have been in varying doses, but for that one moment, everyone was feeling the same emotion, and it is indeed, the time when 2oth was truly, truly united as one council. Wonder if what i said makes sense to u, but it does to me... :)
Being in NS has made me realise the importance of time management and maintaining friendships. As Shih Yuan said... Cherish ur friends well... and I really am trying... but unfortunately, NS doesn't allow much time for that when u are concurrently in ur training phase... and that kinda sucks, but I'm going to have to live with it. Would like to apologise now to the people that I have been neglecting for the past year or so, and would like to ask for your understanding that I'm trying to make time. SO please pardon me for being MIA for so long... esp to Kalyn and Abby... yeahz. So so sorry.
I shall end here now... till next time.
Ok, I've officially graduated from BMT, and have been promoted from the rank of RECRUIT to the wonderful rank of PRIVATE. Sounds kinda ironic, but hey! It's the end of BMT, and the start of a new phase... it just means to me that my NS life is moving on, and soon, i hope, that it'll be over soon... being in NS is really a furore of feelings to me... and also a period of time whereby i face lots of competition to be the best... perhaps this environment is good for me in a sense... forcing me to try to be the best... but well, I'm also trying hard to be content with what I have, and who I am... I really don't wish to prove anything... just pass whatever i need to pass, meet the minimum requirement, do my best. I believe that's the best for me...
Also got back my A level results le, though not exactly fantastic, but it's enough to get me to university, so I'm more or less contented with what I have. I did make an improvement, as did a lot of us, so just take it with a pinch of salt, and move on from here. This period of my life is one frought with disappointments and setbacks, and I cannot deny that I have been affected by it in terms of confidence and other things, but life goes on as it always does. One can only pick himself up from where he fell and press on courageously, making sure that he puts in enough effort to not fall back into the same pit. Even if he does, he's gotta regain his footing again. That's life.
Thinking back on all the memories that I made in VS, VJC and also in some weird sense, BMT. Realise that we all have made our own time ours to hold and have, something that is quite a memorable incident. Jing-Yi asked me yesterday to state my most memorable moment and most satisfying moment in my Council term. I said my most satisfying moment was the day we all took off our tags... and I realised that we actually achieved more than what we set out to do... and we had met our vision and our objectives... we had succeeded. My most memorable moment, were the times when we had reflections, or like the presentation that joel made, or when we were reading the letters of thanks given by other councillors, and that feeling we all felt... that for one single moment, it was the same. It may have been in varying doses, but for that one moment, everyone was feeling the same emotion, and it is indeed, the time when 2oth was truly, truly united as one council. Wonder if what i said makes sense to u, but it does to me... :)
Being in NS has made me realise the importance of time management and maintaining friendships. As Shih Yuan said... Cherish ur friends well... and I really am trying... but unfortunately, NS doesn't allow much time for that when u are concurrently in ur training phase... and that kinda sucks, but I'm going to have to live with it. Would like to apologise now to the people that I have been neglecting for the past year or so, and would like to ask for your understanding that I'm trying to make time. SO please pardon me for being MIA for so long... esp to Kalyn and Abby... yeahz. So so sorry.
I shall end here now... till next time.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Heyz Mandy...
Been some time since i last logged on to talk to u.... things in the army aren't as what i expected it to be... And of course, things really have been spiralling in a way that I didn't expect. Let me go into whatever i can, cause I'm not allowed to disclose SAF things.
I'm slightly disillusioned by what I'm seeing... and NCC leadership is def a difference from SAF leadership, but both has it's good and bad points of course... but I do so much prefer the old style of leadership by example and uniformity of it all. Efficiency and decisiveness is also less seen, and honestly... it's not what i expected larz... that's all...
My platoon is not bad, quite interesting personalities and good people that I enjoy working and being with. But there's not that usual sense of camaraderie... it feels more.... temporary between me and a lot of them... things are much different now, and it's hard to know when pple are real and when they're not... yeahz...
I became more self conscious of the things i do, and how successful i am... pitting myself quietly against certain pple, and well, when i don't do well, i lose a major lot of confidence in myself. Also, I'm unable to clear a lot of things there in the army... fall sick easily, that kinda thing? Yeahz... and also not a lot of time to myself and my friends. Using snail mail to catch up with certain people, but i know for sure... I'm not keeping up with them, and our friendship will be strained in some sense... sadly. NS isn't really worth so much time and effort if it stand against a lot of things u believe in... But I have no choice... so I'll just have to do my best.
Time flies, but memories stay. That's something I'm realising. I'm losing the naive thoughts i used to have, and becoming accustomed to the touch and go of life, but the long lasting impressions of the memories forged seems more important. Don't get me wrong. I still cherish my close and best friends... but life isn't allowing me to know pple better. Sigh.
Peace out.
Been some time since i last logged on to talk to u.... things in the army aren't as what i expected it to be... And of course, things really have been spiralling in a way that I didn't expect. Let me go into whatever i can, cause I'm not allowed to disclose SAF things.
I'm slightly disillusioned by what I'm seeing... and NCC leadership is def a difference from SAF leadership, but both has it's good and bad points of course... but I do so much prefer the old style of leadership by example and uniformity of it all. Efficiency and decisiveness is also less seen, and honestly... it's not what i expected larz... that's all...
My platoon is not bad, quite interesting personalities and good people that I enjoy working and being with. But there's not that usual sense of camaraderie... it feels more.... temporary between me and a lot of them... things are much different now, and it's hard to know when pple are real and when they're not... yeahz...
I became more self conscious of the things i do, and how successful i am... pitting myself quietly against certain pple, and well, when i don't do well, i lose a major lot of confidence in myself. Also, I'm unable to clear a lot of things there in the army... fall sick easily, that kinda thing? Yeahz... and also not a lot of time to myself and my friends. Using snail mail to catch up with certain people, but i know for sure... I'm not keeping up with them, and our friendship will be strained in some sense... sadly. NS isn't really worth so much time and effort if it stand against a lot of things u believe in... But I have no choice... so I'll just have to do my best.
Time flies, but memories stay. That's something I'm realising. I'm losing the naive thoughts i used to have, and becoming accustomed to the touch and go of life, but the long lasting impressions of the memories forged seems more important. Don't get me wrong. I still cherish my close and best friends... but life isn't allowing me to know pple better. Sigh.
Peace out.
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