Dear Mandy...

I hate army... serious... these last 4 days of block leave have passed by so quickly, I don't even know what I've done! And suddenly, I'm about... five hours away from going to Brunei for a jungle orientation course... and I seriously am not looking forward to starting the 5 mths of training for pro term. It's another set of obstacles and stress... and to be honest, I really wish I was going to start university instead of heading back into camp for 1.5 years more of regimentation and immense stress... personally, I don't understand why I'm feeling so unhappy everytime i have to book in, and why I'm depressed each time I do book in... oh, i dunno... I just wish I knew why... I used to be optimistic even in the most saddest of situations... but now... I just hate the sight of that green uniform, hate the feeling of being stuck in camp, hate the fact that I'm still having to be assessed on stuff.... and well... life isn't easy, that I've known... but sometimes I just want to be able to take a really long vacation... just to refind the me that I've lost somehow... It just feels like... some sort of never ending camp which gets worse along the way...

Perhaps I just need someone to lean on, once in a while... ever since Yingz and I went on timeout and I entered my isolation state and everything, picking myself up myself... I remember back in JC... my grades were always so bad... and yet i still managed to pick myself up and move on. Then I had the support of all the study grp pple, Council, Anhua and Yingz... but now... all of us have our own paths to focus on, and the army pple I spend my time with, all too have their own problems. It's nice to see how pple rally arnd each other sometimes... :)

I met up with Ngee Leng and Yeow May and Siva on friday... and I really miss VJC... The school's undergoing loads of renovations now.. and it looks different... more zesty if anything, and it's a good sign of the things to come. Then yesterday, I went to witness Rachel's baptism... her church, FCBC is really a very unique church... they encourage people to let loose with their pain and unhappiness openly, and the topic for the service yest, forgiveness, is really appropriate for me this week... haha... I may not be a Christian, but the service is really a memorable one, and I rather liked it...

After that, 9 of us went over to Fish and Co to eat, and we had a blast of a time.. it was just like old times... chatting over dinner... that I really miss... :) I was sad when we all had to go home... but I also know we'll meet up soon, b4 the girls start uni... I hope at least...

Dear Mandy...

Haha... I just watched 2 korean movies: "A moment to remember" and "Love, so divine" and well, I'm really quite touched by the two movies... both talks about love, but they exemplify it in two different ways.

In "A moment to remember", the story starts with this woman, Kim Su-JIn, who's successful in her career, and with a silver spoon in her mouth, her dad being the head of a building company. Problem is, Su-Jin's absent minded, so while she's still getting a good job, she's sort of sent to do the ones that require the least memory work: men's formal wear. The male counterpart is a poor carpenter who starts off by working under Su-Jin's dad. His name is Choi Chul-Soo, and their story is sweet. It talks about their romance, how it develops, they get married, and they are really sweet and easy-going to each other. Through each other, they learn things they never did... like how Chul-Soo comes to forgive his mother for walking out on them, and to be a better carpenter, and how Su-Jin learns to be a better housewife. It seems as though Chul-Soo learns more right? But in the later parts of the movie, Su-Jin is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, and gradually, as the day goes by, she loses more and more of her memory. Chul-Soo is devastated, but he still holds on strongly to their relationship. In the midst of a big project, he takes the time and effort to write down everything and displays them on the walls of their home. Things like "how to answer a phone call" and pictures of them together, identifying each other. And Chul-Soo even accepts being called by Su-Jin's ex-lover, as he knows that she can't tell the two apart. One day, Su-Jin remembers everything, and she's appalled by what she has done... calling him by her ex-lover's name and everything, so she pulls all the pictures down, and writes a long letter to Chul-Soo, saying that he's the one she'll always love, and that though he has never said "I love you" to her, she knows that he loves her a lot a lot... it's really sweet, that part, that I end up crying... Su-Jin then leaves the house and runs away to a hospital for people with Alzheimer's disease. Chul-Soo is devastated, to say the least. He doesn't know where to find her, and it affects his work greatly... until he receives a letter from Su-Jin, who recovers her memory for a short while and takes the opportunity to write a letter to him. He goes to find her, and realises she doesn't remember him anymore, though she repeatedly draws his picture in her sketch book. Chul-Soo then makes the effort to bring her back to the place they first met, and throws everyone she's related to inside... Su-Jin regains her memory, and the both of them drive off into the sunset. Along the way, Chul-Soo turns to Su-Jin and says to her what she has always wanted to hear: "Saranghaeyo".

The movie ends there.. its' quite sweet.. haha... will write about "love, so divine" next time... yeahz.

Dear Mandy...

Well, I've officially finished service term of OCS, so it's one third of my cadet life down... and I passed SOC 9.27... the passing time is 9.29... so I am quite relieved. Posted to School of Combat Engineers, and then I found out that I have to do SOC there again.. and I have to meet the passing timing again, and that the rundown is upslope... so well, it's another challenge... I hate SOC, but well, I'll just have to do it I guess... no choice. That's just life... I can only try to be optimistic, and take whatever challenges that come my way. :)

I was looking through the pictures of the VJC 20th SC... and well, I felt this wave of sadness rush over me, as I realise that we're going to be unable to meet up much... sigh... I miss 20th a lot a lot... Miss the days of mass dance, planning, match support and our own choreographed dances... and of course, the little bit and pieces that placed our council together... without a doubt... in VJC, they were my little world... my family, if I say so myself... I miss them dearly... albeit some more than others, but in some weird way, I miss that life...

I'm going to Brunei come Sunday night for ten days before I start in SOCE. To my friends, I'll try to meet up with each of u all k? Trust me... :)

Dear Mandy...

Life these couple of days has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, and I don't know where to begin... I'll start with the all time lows first. Yingz and I are currently on a timeout... Being in army means I don't have as much time to spend as I used to, and well, it affected our relationship a lot... I grew to realise that I complain too much about Army, and i listened less... Sub-consciously, I've changed and I didn't realise it... I guess it's true when they say that the Army ruins relationships... I finally see it, and some other friends too... I don't know... the Army... it isn't what it says out there... it's a whole new ball game. So now, I'm in a loss of what to do, but I still believe there's hope.

Lots of my friends are going overseas... Grace, Anhua, Kristy... sigh.. makes me wonder when 20th will ever have a full gathering again... I guess that's not possible for the time being, what with the guys all in NS, and the girls working and going to uni soon... I miss my friends... And i also realise that I'd better take the time now to catch up and spend time with them before they go overseas and I don't see them for 4 years perhaps?

I went for VJC soccer finals... We lost by a really small margin... what with a penalty shootout and no lights... everyone was upset... really, and the match support though not fantastic, but was evident that the red shirts placed effort in their cheering. After the loss, they cried, and I was reminded greatly... of our year soccer finals, when we lost in somewhat similar ways... I understood how they felt, and throughout the year, the soccer guys had placed a lot of effort in training... that day, 20th red shirts were all upset... David and i cried, Sharon, Joanna, Priya... and all of us were upset... but I hope the red shirts benefit from this experience... and sincerely hope that it will make things better for Council.

Despite the unhappy sides, there's stil the happy moments... I met up with 20th during soccer finals, and what a meeting it was! It involved a ride from National Stadium to Chomp Chomp, and from there to Sharon's house to have dinner... It was a huge dinner manz... Stingray, chicken wings, carrot cake, ice cream float, murtabak, rojak... huge dinnner manz. It amounted to about $140... and we chatted a lot... about the old days... but I guess we've all changed in some way or other... and it was nice to see how people matured... the missing finally appeared... but there were others who we wished could be there but weren't there... But I have hope that things will be better for 20th... we have strong bonds... and i hope it remains that way.

And about Army... I'll try to be optimistic... but it's hard... I'l try.

dear Mandy...

Okay, I must admit... I'm not in the best of moods everytime I have to book in, and when I'm in camp, I want to get out of there. It's not right, I know, and well, I wonder if I'm the only one who's feeling that way. I still can't get SOC right... First it was low rope and low wall, now it's low wall and swing trainer... I at least still manage to get over the low wall, albeit with some difficulty, but a different obstacle awaits me everytime... I wonder why... I have to meet the 9min 30 sec target to pass SOC in OCS standards, and to meet the 9min target to pass SOC in Sierra Wing's standards... I have quite low morale and confidence in there... and the feeling clearly sucks...

Life's like that, and I guess that I'm not going to be able to pass on Monday, but I'll still try my best and aim for under 9 minutes... I shouldn't let it get me down if I don't meet the 9 minutes and have to go for training, cause the training will do me good... Need to have a stronger mindset as well... and need to be myself again... I've been unable to be the enthusiastic, exuberant me, the crazy and wild me in here, though occasionally I do let it show... plus, I don't really feel very comfortable opening up to people in here... feel like I'm inferior or something... the male ego... it never fails to show up. Haha... lots of stress, but it'll do me good.

I'm sorry to my friends that I haven't been able to meet up with you all and keep in contact. I wish very much that I could, but circumstances now do not allow me to do so... Just want to drop u all a msg that u are still held very closely in my heart, and that I miss all of you lots. There's a lot of catching up to be done... with 20th, Anhua, Abby, my study group and lots and lots of other people... Know I've been relatively MIA for sometime, but I'll be back when the situation allows me to... so guys, don't forget me, cause I won't forget you.

And to my dear Yingz, I love u lots...! :)

Heyz Mandy..

In a blink of an eye... it's the end of block leave and come monday, i shall report to my new unit. Yes, I have managed to enter the prestigious Officer Cadet School, together with Deepak and Jason from council, Syaz from NCC (Air), Daniel Law from prefex, Amir from me study group... yeapz.. a lot of people made it to SISPEC though, and I for one am surprised I made it to OCS... I shall adopt a positive attitude and try my best in there... it's not going to be easy... but I have to try.

I went back to Elects camp to see 21st and the 22nd elects... and well, a lot of changes have been made to the camp, but i hope that things are for the better. The effects of the training can only be seen in the work and efficiency the Elects display in their undertakings. They do have potential... but it remains to be seen how they use it to their best.

And I love my darling... :)

Dear Mandy...

Ok, I've officially graduated from BMT, and have been promoted from the rank of RECRUIT to the wonderful rank of PRIVATE. Sounds kinda ironic, but hey! It's the end of BMT, and the start of a new phase... it just means to me that my NS life is moving on, and soon, i hope, that it'll be over soon... being in NS is really a furore of feelings to me... and also a period of time whereby i face lots of competition to be the best... perhaps this environment is good for me in a sense... forcing me to try to be the best... but well, I'm also trying hard to be content with what I have, and who I am... I really don't wish to prove anything... just pass whatever i need to pass, meet the minimum requirement, do my best. I believe that's the best for me...

Also got back my A level results le, though not exactly fantastic, but it's enough to get me to university, so I'm more or less contented with what I have. I did make an improvement, as did a lot of us, so just take it with a pinch of salt, and move on from here. This period of my life is one frought with disappointments and setbacks, and I cannot deny that I have been affected by it in terms of confidence and other things, but life goes on as it always does. One can only pick himself up from where he fell and press on courageously, making sure that he puts in enough effort to not fall back into the same pit. Even if he does, he's gotta regain his footing again. That's life.

Thinking back on all the memories that I made in VS, VJC and also in some weird sense, BMT. Realise that we all have made our own time ours to hold and have, something that is quite a memorable incident. Jing-Yi asked me yesterday to state my most memorable moment and most satisfying moment in my Council term. I said my most satisfying moment was the day we all took off our tags... and I realised that we actually achieved more than what we set out to do... and we had met our vision and our objectives... we had succeeded. My most memorable moment, were the times when we had reflections, or like the presentation that joel made, or when we were reading the letters of thanks given by other councillors, and that feeling we all felt... that for one single moment, it was the same. It may have been in varying doses, but for that one moment, everyone was feeling the same emotion, and it is indeed, the time when 2oth was truly, truly united as one council. Wonder if what i said makes sense to u, but it does to me... :)

Being in NS has made me realise the importance of time management and maintaining friendships. As Shih Yuan said... Cherish ur friends well... and I really am trying... but unfortunately, NS doesn't allow much time for that when u are concurrently in ur training phase... and that kinda sucks, but I'm going to have to live with it. Would like to apologise now to the people that I have been neglecting for the past year or so, and would like to ask for your understanding that I'm trying to make time. SO please pardon me for being MIA for so long... esp to Kalyn and Abby... yeahz. So so sorry.

I shall end here now... till next time.

Heyz Mandy...

Been some time since i last logged on to talk to u.... things in the army aren't as what i expected it to be... And of course, things really have been spiralling in a way that I didn't expect. Let me go into whatever i can, cause I'm not allowed to disclose SAF things.

I'm slightly disillusioned by what I'm seeing... and NCC leadership is def a difference from SAF leadership, but both has it's good and bad points of course... but I do so much prefer the old style of leadership by example and uniformity of it all. Efficiency and decisiveness is also less seen, and honestly... it's not what i expected larz... that's all...

My platoon is not bad, quite interesting personalities and good people that I enjoy working and being with. But there's not that usual sense of camaraderie... it feels more.... temporary between me and a lot of them... things are much different now, and it's hard to know when pple are real and when they're not... yeahz...

I became more self conscious of the things i do, and how successful i am... pitting myself quietly against certain pple, and well, when i don't do well, i lose a major lot of confidence in myself. Also, I'm unable to clear a lot of things there in the army... fall sick easily, that kinda thing? Yeahz... and also not a lot of time to myself and my friends. Using snail mail to catch up with certain people, but i know for sure... I'm not keeping up with them, and our friendship will be strained in some sense... sadly. NS isn't really worth so much time and effort if it stand against a lot of things u believe in... But I have no choice... so I'll just have to do my best.

Time flies, but memories stay. That's something I'm realising. I'm losing the naive thoughts i used to have, and becoming accustomed to the touch and go of life, but the long lasting impressions of the memories forged seems more important. Don't get me wrong. I still cherish my close and best friends... but life isn't allowing me to know pple better. Sigh.

Peace out.

Heyz Mandy...

Haha... so well, xmas is over, and it was better than previous years... spent it with Yingz, and though it was somewhat like a normal date, it was still memorable in it's own little sweet way... :)

Had PT on monday, and well, i realised that my fitness level is quite bad! Couldn't finish running 4.8km... that's how bad i got... sighz... i need to work out. But well, time's running short and I'll have to take what i can... yupz... sighz.

I'm going to miss everybody... :(

Heyz Mandy...

I'm officially back from China, and well, it was quite a nice place... I loved the scenery a lot... and well, I can't say much about the food there... coz it may have been 7 to 8 course meal, but there are repetitive dishes... chicken, pork, rice, fish, vegetables... yeah. It would have been ok if it was a different style of cooking each time, but try it being cooked the same way every one in three meals, and u get what i mean... coz I was in China for 8 days... go figure. Not to mention, i became a temporary baby sitter... taking care of this pri3 kid, who dislikes the food there, dislikes being in china, and since I could explain stuff to him properly, and get him to eat stuff, his mom kept pushing him to me. IRRITATING! Sigh, but well, the weather was nice there... nice and cold... quite up my alley... haha... and, like Anhua said... the weather is nice, but the pple quite ba dao la... there's no such thing as a pedestrian crossing when one is drawn, but that's for a separate matter.

Back from China, and I realise i don't have enough time to finish writing all my xmas cards before xmas... so to pple who read me blog, I'll ensure u receive ur xmas cards before the 12th day of xmas k? Haha... before 1st jan, at the latest... yup. I have about 40 cards to write, and well, please be patient... to pple who don't get a card... I love u all the same... and Merry Xmas to you all... U're in my heart always.

I miss my darling... she went to HK and won't be back till 23rd Dec... sigh... haven't seen her for 14 days le...!! Come back soon...

Heyz Mandy...

Okay... in a blink of an eye, SDD and the 20th SC Overseas trip in Bintan have come to an end... :( sadly of course...

SDD

2nd December 2004 saw the V JC 20th Senior Dinner and Dance take place at (once again, as always) Ritz Carlton Millenia hotel... yeahz... I must admit I wasn't very keen on going for SDD, but I went along as well... well, in the end, I didn't regret it... I'm glad I went actually... the girls were very beautiful (dressed up in their prom gowns and their individual styles) and the guys all very handsome in their suits (I'd like to say for once, but that wouldn't be true!). The night went well, but what was really memorable about the night (it definitely wasn't the food), was the memories and the pictures taken... I finally realised who are the people who I should have spent time with, and who I really treasure deep down inside... yeahz... There's a small list of people... Rachel, Kristy Koh, Kristy P, Hui Yi, Dominique, Gracie, Hui Zhi, just to name a few girls, and the guys... Sanjay, Siva, Deepak, Sanjee, and so on... and of course me best friend in VJC, though I haven't been talking to her for quite some time, Anhua... it was quite amazing how I could feel so much and come to sudden realisations about all these things, but it felt really... enlightening... yeahz... :)

After SDD, Me and David walked all the way from Ritz to China Black (which is near Lido) and we counted 8 7-11s and 4 MRT stations along the way... haha... it was a memory by itself, and one that I can't forget... I mean, how often is it that u can actually find someone willing to walk that distance with you, and along the way, the various stops that we made... swiss-o-tel, the PS 7-11 where we made our pit stop, and the long wait that we made at 7-11 opposite China Black until 4am in the morning.... it was a nice closure to SDD... following the taxi ride home with Guan Yi, Mojo and Jeremias... memories in their own sweet way.

6th December 2004 saw the 14 members of the VHC 20th SC set off for a council overseas trip to Bintan. I reported at the wrong venue, and I had to take a taxi from one end of the country to the other... wow.. that wasn't fun k... and I still wasn't the last! Haha... then the hyper seasick ride on the choppy sea.... it was freaky to see one table after another puking into blue barf bags (manz... first time i saw blue barf bags! I always thot it was gray or brown!) Our room arrangement saw the girls having a connected triple rooms, me, siva, david, joel and jacob having the connected double-triple rooms and sanjay, sanjee and deepak having the single triple room. The DTI room was also personally termed the Danger room, what with Sanjee's shaving cream, and the numerous pranks that the three of them played. Sighz... the weather wasn't good for the first two days, what with rain and cold winds, and the EXORBITANT PRICES! Haha... anywayz... we spent time at the activity centre with the ladies breaking numerous high scores on picture difference spotting and word formation, me breaking the basketball score to tally 157 (only to have it broken by some guy at 159!!) and to see the rest play pool. After that, however, all of us braved the drizzle to go to the swimming pool to play on the slide and develop ways of sliding down the slides. From single to the 5some down the slide... it was pure fun! We had lunch and dinner at the hotel, and well... after that, we went to the beach... it was nice.. the beach at night... and we scaled the rocks and had nice chats. That night, the main guys room chatted whilst shanky went to the DTI room to play cards, and we slept about 2am...

Woke up, then breakfast, followed by rain... so we went to the activities centre again... each of us headed for different activities, but deepak and I went to swim. Then i successfully locked myself out of the room, and luckily it was rectified. Lunch was at a seafood restaurant that had a very nice view of the sea and not bad food! After that, we went back to the hotel (by then, some of us were quite broke) to rest for a while as we debated over our next plan. After that, Siva had to leave, and the main guys room stayed with him, then the guys congregated at the porch to say bye... and it was totally hilarious! What with the bows and the flashing of body to Siva from Sanjee... it was funny! Then we went to the deep pool to swim and ended up playing water polo and basketball until we had to change up to go Angsana for a sponsored dinner from David! The food was good, the ambience was good, and the music was good. The DTI room guys and I went to dance, and I was to sing a song with Sangeeta on stage... it didn't go very well, but it was enjoyable... yeah. It felt nice to have the support of the Councillors, and it reminded me very much of the VS Speech days. After that, we went to Pasar Oleh Oleh to shop, and we found a place with moderate prices! Haha... the girls couldn't get enough of shopping though... but after that, we went back to our hotel rooms, and gathered in the main guys' rooms. We ended up watching tv for a while, and Rachel fell asleep! Haha.. I started doing some personal stuff and then the DTI room guys came in to dance! Deepak went wild! We slept after that, and well, it was nice sleeping on my bed by the window... it was a nice place...

Then the funny moments. Deepak and Joanna acted as a couple on a holiday. The constant "take photo!", and the mishaps that we all had. From losing spectacles, to breaking pumps, to having a ball stuck up a banana tree, and of course, the occasional missing spectacles and my ring... to the butt cracks and the lame puns... all made everything so much more memorable!!

The third day gave us plenty of sunshine, and after breakfast, we went to the beach to crash the waves and enjoy the sunshine! The waves were HUGE!!! And well, only Rachel and Sangeeta stayed with us and the rest of the girls went back to Pasar Oleh Oleh to shop. It felt nice to revert back to the childish moments... :) Then we went to the pool to play water polo, and tired ourselves out dutifully. After which, we went to wash up and go to the ferry terminal. There was a weird kind of feeling that passed between us... an unspoken bond that seemed to hold each of us together in a chummy kind of way. It felt wonderful, to say the least, and each of us bonded. We boarded the ferry, and as it brought us further from Bintan, somehow, I could sense each of us spending some time thinking on the memories, reveling in the universal language of friendship and love that held us together... it may be fate, but as the boat left Bintan, and I seemed to be absorbed in my book, I said a silent thank you to the 14 councillors who made this trip even more special.

To Jelly: thanks for a wonderful organised trip! And of course, the calm way you handle stuff is just cool dude! U rock!
To David: A roommate with lots of puns to lighten up the day! And our resident drink provider with a big heart! Wicked!!
To Sanjee: You resident prankster! You kept suaning everyone, and made the trip truly enjoyable! And ur dances! Haha... well done!
To Sanjay: Oookkaayyy! Haha... one of the ladies' men! Your fun loving nature made u a fantastic presence! Cool dude!
To Siva: Ladies' man number one! And also the one who had heart to heart talks with some pple! All the best for ur interview!
To Jacob: The person who was so fun to hang around, but not with pillows around! A fantastic person, with lots of laughter! Totally tubular dude!
To Sangeeta: The girl who sleeps the latest! Haha... but also a nice person to talk to! Chill gal!
To Joanna: Shopping queen la you! Haha... but also a fun person to have had around! Love Deepak arhz!
To Melissa: Though rather quiet, it was nice to have u around... you're a comforting presence always! And encouraging too! Way to go!
To Sara: Princess will always be Princess! Haha... you and jelly were so good coordinating this trip! Thank you!
To Hui Yi: Must take care of urself k? Back le, so dun miss ahem too much k? Take care mei!
To Rachel: Perhaps the one I'm closest of the girls this trip... thanks for everything... You're great!! Awesome!

Take care people... :) Love u.

Heyz Mandy...

Well, A levels is finally coming to a close after a good 2 years of JC life, I can't say I'm not happy to see it end, but it is a rather weird feeling. As in, after two years of non stop mugging in JC life, I finally come to the end and reach what I personally call the black hole. I feel lost... like you know, a part of me is dead. I don't know how exactly to place it, but perhaps its the fact that studying has got me a lot more new friends, and friends I can probably relate to, but it seems to just... I don't know... be kinda drifty. It's quite appalling, but I guess if anything, VJC has taught me to be less naive, and be more true... to yourself. But of course, I always successfully hide behind a childish image that probably applies better for me. :)

That lost feeling... it's so... I don't know... weird? I always thought at the end of my mugging years, I'd be totally happy... well, I am, but i never thought I'd feel so lost and off. Maybe it's cause I made some really good friends that I drifted from them of late... Anhua, Kristy mei, Hui Yi, Hui Zhi, Grace... and I still can't help but miss talking to them, and you know, catching up on lost times... but ever since I obtained my enlistment date, I realised that I'm not superman cause I don't have too much time to catch up with each of them as well as I'd like to... Sigh... life's like that... I need more personal time to myself as well, and before I enlist, I'd like to spend as much time as I can with Ying... time's not on my side.

Ok, shall end here for now... till next time then k?

Heyz Mandy...

Well, GP, Chem essays and maths paper 1 are over, and to be honest? I'm not exactly very optimistic about the outcome, especially since the people around me have a high tendency to point out mistakes in the exam, and letting me feel even more insecure about my paper... but well, I'm not complaining.... I've grown to accept people... ok, most people for who they are and the things they do. :)

Thinking back on stuff, and I would like to tell people who happen to go past here that I'm thankful the the tiny facets of my life that had you in it... it may even be just simple hi, or an indirect notion of contact, but in anyway, I'm glad for the chances that I've been given to know each and every one of you in some way...

hmmmmmm.... got so many plans after a levels that I think i need an organiser... seriously. sighz... life after a levels... dunno how it'll be like... except for the green uniform part... but seriously... not looking very good at that moment... i hope things go well...

kkez, shall end here... take care pple!

THE OYSTER

Anonymous

There once was an Oyster

Whose story I tell,

Who found that some sand

Had got into his shell.

It was only a grain,

But it gave him great pain.

For oysters have feelings,

Although they're so plain.

Now, did he berate

The harsh workings of fate

That had brought him

To such a deplorable state?

Did he curse at the government,

Cry for election,

And claim that the sea should

Have given him protection?

No- he said to himself,

As he lay on a shell,

since I cannot remove it,

I shall try to improve it.

Now the years have rolled around,

As the years always do,

And he came to his ultimate

Destiny- stew.

And the small grain of sand

That had bothered him so

Was a beautiful pearl

All richly aglow.

Now the tale has a moral;

For isn't it grand

What an Oyster can do

With a morsel of sand?

What couldn't we do

If we'd only begin

With some of the things

That get under our skin?

Here's a poem I read out of chicken soup that is quite meaningful, isn't it? A simple analogy to an oyster, something that is a culinary delicacy, can exemplify traits like perseverance, tolerance and determination? Maybe it's time we all took a step back and thought about some of the things that we're going through at this point of time... we're not saints... but we have the opportunity to be heroes... heroes of ourselves.

Heyz Mandy...

How fast time flies... in a blink of an eye, A levels is just 4 days away... when the clock strikes midnight on the 3rd november 2004, it signifies that it has begun. The dreaded A Levels... oh well... it's a hurdle I have to cross anyway, so I guess it's better to go ahead with it and take it as it is...

I dropped Biology as I got EEOO for my preliminary examinations... not good at all, and well, I dropped after a lot of considerations as I guess I am more suited to persue 3 A level subjects than 4. It's definitely a better option for me, cause i have more time, but unfortunately, perhaps I should have done that earlier... yeahz....

Suddenly had the startling realization that I'm not exacly living my life for myself... like I let others rule my decisions, and I always think for the welfare of other people before I do anything. It is good to a certain extent, but similarly, it is bad as well... I realised that I need more personal time to myself... to pursue the things I love, and to do things my way... I so want to go for lessons on modern dance, to spend time to find back my poetry and stories, to spend time with the people I cherish, to spend time with Yingz, and to play basketball and improve on the sports i want to... there're so many things I have yet to do... and so little time left... I'm almost at the end of my teenage years... I'm a kadult... somewhere between a teen and an adult. Someone with the responsibilities of an adult, but with the restrictions of a teen... haha... in other words, a in-between.. to the people reading my blog, do u ever feel the same way?

I feel a need to focus more... haha... sounds like Acuvue Focus Dailies... nvm... being lame... Need to stop being swayed to play, and need to start doing more work, and knowing when and where not to do stuff. Need to get a hold on myself... but I'll be totally changing the way I am... sounds superficial... sigh... I'll just have to try my best I guess... but yet, I am aware of the fact that many a time, the best you give is not enough... Well... that's so ironic, but as the World works, there's always an opposite... as Newton's 3rd law suggests... for every force exerted on a body A, there is an equal and opposite force acting on Body A... sighz..

Hmm... there's a saying "every person that walks past you has a problem greater than you.". I guess it's relatively true... because for every aspect, there's always a problem at a higher level than you... and you'll never know until you have managed to earn the trust of that person, and that too takes time.... I like being the way I am... but well, I can't help that not everyone accepts me the way I am.. I'm aware of that fact... so, I'm sorry to people who can't accept me, because I'm not changing the way I am.

The battle is coming upon us... A levels... we are the army chosen to fight this war... let us place our best efforts and skills to the test, and let us press forward... together, let's conquer the paper for the pen is mightier than the sword. :)

All the best.

i wrote a long entry. I dedicated it to everyone. Now it's gone. sigh.

Heyz Mandy....
Been long... actually tried to log in an entry to you during GP a few weeks ago, but the computer hanged, and there went my entry... haha.. but all in all, it's been a month plus since I last wrote into you...

Prelims are officially in full swing, and I already messed up my GP essay, and today's Physics practical... seems like I can't do anything right at all... keep faltering and slipping here and there... and well, I seriously hope it's no reenactment of promotional exams... sighz... anwyayz... I'm trying my best to work hard, and I really want to get 4 Cs and above... but.. looking at the situation now, I'm just panicking and scaring myself.. literally. What's worse is I constantly have no mood to study, and it seems liks perhaps I need to put in more effort into everything... sigh.. not good at all... bleahz..

Hmmz... and well, I have drifted far away from Council... and the funny thing is, it feels good... A group of us established a study group that I personally call the "Late night roof climbing study group"... hehe... I'm sure that the meaning is quite literally put across... haha... just so you know... we have fun and establish a lot of adventures too! there's me, Ven. Ling Sze, Serene, Ivy, Aishah, Nat, Sanjay, Sanjiv, Amir, Meng Siong, Nicole, Marcus, Zhe Bin and a few more... oh, and we don't all study together... we stake out different areas, but we're the ones who stay till uber late... so yup! Go figure!

Quite like the view of school at night... nice ambience, and a really good sense of tranquility... yeahz... haha... and of course, lying down and looking at the sky, that I have yet to do so at night.. only in the day, and it's really... breathtaking... :) I can't wait for a chance to do that at night, and hopefully it's a night full of stars.

Coming to an end of my life in VJC, and I'm rather looking forward to it ending... yeahz... can't wait!! haha... but of coruse, i have only about a month and a half before I get shipped off to NS... fun huh? haha... life in S'pore's like that... you win some, you lose some... no biggie... used to it already actually... :P... except that to ensure I'm on a safe route, I have to do well for A levels... sigh... I'm going to try for prelims... I have to try... for my little angel... :)

All the best, everyone!

Hey Mandy...
kinda weird... life is so saddening nowadays... well, except for a couple of things that still make me smile and know that there's actually still stuff worth caring about in VJC nowdays... oh wellz.... what can I say right?

Ever realised that naive thinking can't ever seem to last? I keep realising it... always thought that people would never change, would always show you their true side3 when u work with them so much... i guess I was wrong... haiz... what ever happened...? I dunno... I just hope that well... people will sort of reflecT?

Realise also I'm losing my temper more easily nowadays... and getting really upset at the fact that I see some people wanting a lot of care and concern from people, but they don't show it to others... consideration maybe is lost... but i dunno... dun wanna tink anymore...

Heyz Mandy...
Oh well... this holidays is coming to an end, and well, I can safely say that I spent majority of this hols studying... What to do? A levels!!! It's the last lap of my JC life, and this will be the last stretch of studying before I take a 2 year plus detour to NS... seems to be the typical Singaporean lifestyle of a student... *bleahz*

Okay... just a little series of events in the coming days... School reopens and block tests begin... then it'll be prelim practical exams, one week break, prelim, farewell assembly... :(... then all the way to A level practical exams, then A levels... then SDD which I haven't decided I wanna go for yet, and then it's a new life, and probably enlistment in NS... sighz... fun? Not exactly... but it's more like a phase...

Anywayz... I probably can't be staying overnight for NCC Air camp 2004... so sad! Can't partake in Phantom Walk! kaoz... haha... oh well... life's full of ups and downs... I'll classify this as a down...

Hopefully I can do relatively well and clear everything for block tests... I'd hate to have to fall into remedial, and to be classified under that "danger case" once again... not fun, definitely... last week le... have to pia all the way... And I'm a goner for my biology... I'm serious... there's just not enough time to rest, play, work, study, sleep, eat... u get the idea...

OK! TIme to persevere and work on!

-Life is about knowing how to maximise the time you have, and living it to the max!!-

Heyz Mandy... been too too long huh? Shall update you now...

Yes yes, to people who are curious to know, I am attached, and yes, if you've read my tagboard, her name is Shi Ying. :) She's a wonderful angel, and we've been together for one month and 17 days... nahz... this blog isn't for me to write about our relationship, but it's just something to update about, coz well... I'm sure my jies and my close friends who frequent this blog will want to know. :)

Stepped down already... and Investiture was okay... though our off day was spent going for multiple match supports... cricket was postphoned in the end, but soccer guys... they won SAJC 4-1! And CJ scored a hat trick, and soccer captain Andy added the fourth... the atmoshere there really brought back memories of my term as a red shirt and it was a good match, all in all... I spent the whole day with Shi Ying... and thanks to her, I really managed to maintain my composure despite crying in the morning during investiture... stepping down, and taking off my name tag... oh wells... :) thanks dear!

VJC managed to do pretty well so far in the sports sections... Hockey girls and soccer guys got champions! Table tennis girls, cricket guys, badminton girls managed to get first runners-ups! Tennis guys and girls got second runners up, cross country got both team third... Hopefully this winning streak will stetch on to kayaking, track and field, swimming... yeahz...

Had a LOONG chat with Bryan yesterday during Council room cleanup, and realised I really miss VSPB and the times I spent in NCC AIR and in VS... times really fly... and well, now I'm in year 2... and wishing I have more time to spend to have heartfelt talks with people, or just to do one last event together... but it's all over now... regrets will be there... 20th could have been a much more dynamic council... that's my biggest regret... but no point saying anything now... yeahz... must learn to let go.