Dear Mandy


Well, 6 of the 07 Batch of EL majors have graduated officially as of 12 July 2010. And it is with bittersweet feelings that we bid farewell to them. There were more who graduated, but we didn't manage to see them, and also, there were our seniors who graduated as well.

I'm really going to miss them.
Xuan Yu and William: Two wonderful EL Genuises.
Alex: A happy-go-lucky woman with a bright smile.
Rashes: Part of BKC, someone who is very open and friendly, and always ready for a laugh.
Isaac: Crazy gym partner of mine, but superbly efficient and dependable.
Jasmine: A very gentle, kind and sweet woman, who has become one of my closest confidantes.

We didn't really feel the sadness until all of them left us collectively to go into the auditorium for their graduation, and that was when Peace and I looked at each other, and said "It feels so sad!".

3/5 of BKC have graduated. Wow.

It wasn't until then that I realised how much I would miss them, and that I really didn't cherish the times that we had with each other in our university days together. Times where we could have shared more... times where we could have spent time together.. each of us caught in our own little world of commitments, responsibilities and classes.

But despite it all, each of us remaining close, each of us keeping each other in our thoughts... and more importantly, each of us promising to keep in touch. Whatever happens 5 years down the road, I know not of, but one thing is for sure... this batch of EL Majors is something different. We're bonded, we're close.. and I believe that we'll still meet up occasionally once in a while. I'm looking forward to that. =)

So to the graduates, CONGRATULATIONS! KEEP IN TOUCH AND TAKE CARE!!!
We will miss you guys.

Dear Mandy...


Well, the elementary Jive and Tango class has officially come to an end, and honestly, I've really liked jive. Samba and jive have been so much fun! And in this class, we've all bonded as a family. From dancing with Cheryl, to finding a sister from FCBC in Eileen, to knowing Stacey, Yuan Ting, Katie, Alice, Agnes, Beatrice, Nick, Andrew, Ethan, Shawn, Don, Chyaw Chyaw and many others...

Today we had this mini competition.. and Allan was so much more humorous and friendly today. From hi-fiving us, to joking with us.. it was rather amicable.. He split the class into 3 groups of 3 couples with an additional guy, and each group had to dance 5 dances. 3 jive and 2 tango.. and then he appointed me the leader of the white group. Now.. in the other groups, they each had a couple that were competing in a ballroom competition this coming weekend, and to top it all off, they each have at least one senior dancer. Well... never mind right, so with a quick prayer to God, and having to rise up as the leader of the group, I danced two jives, Stacey, being the one with the most experience (at only 16!), dance two tangos, and Beatrice, who's one of the better dancers, danced 2 jives as well.

So the order went this way:
1st Jive: Cheryl and I
1st Tango: Stacey and Nick
2nd Jive: Beatrice and Gerald
2nd Tango: Stacey and I-don't-know-what's-his-name
3rd Jive: Beatrice and I

Ok, so... the scores for the dances were rather uneven at times? But we were close I guess. We totally lost out in the 2nd jive, as the other two teams sent out their competitive jive teams, but we were competent enough! So at the end of it all, in the last jive, blue group sent out a strong team of a competitive male dancer in Hu Lin, and the SnB ballroom welfare IC in Michelle, whereas orange team sent out Jing (who's quite good), with Chyaw Chyaw, who's the ballroom vice-president... so imagine how shocked Beatrice and I were when we were tied with the same score for the blue team for first place in that round!

Though our group were 3rd in this mini-competition, we lost out to the 2nd group, orange by 0.5 points. Not bad considering we were made up of a group of amateurs who have never taken competitive dance before... we did really well, and I'm really proud of my team. Thank God for having pulled us through! =) There was much to be optimistic about.

Looking forward to the next course. =)

Dear Mandy...




I guess that this much is true? When you live your life thinking that everything is a miracle, then your whole perspective towards life changes.

I think that living in such a fast paced society, we tend to want more, better, and to always move on, achieving the next level. That sometimes... we forget to stop, marvel, and smell the flowers that we pass by on the road.

A wise man once said "Take time to stop and smell the flowers- we only pass through this life once."

Thinking back, I think I got caught too much in wanting to achieve a certain standard, that I forgot to marvel at what God has already done. Perhaps too often, we don't celebrate.. too often, we don't rejoice, even in the littlest things. I wonder since when achievements mattered more than the simple things in life that come for free. Things like love. Like joy. Like peace. Like hope.

Being honest.. over time, when you share about your experiences and achievements, you don't share about the material things, but you share about your emotions, your hardships... in short, what you FELT when you went through the ordeal.

It isn't the achievement that makes a memory.. it is the process that makes the memory. =)

SO... rejoice in the littlest things, for it is the smallest things that eventually make a big structure. =)

Dear Mandy...

So many thoughts that are running through my mind at the moment... haha.. I think every year, there're at least 5 times where I feel like this very old, cliched sentence that I use: "I feel like a pea rattling about in a great big pan with several other peas; not knowing where I fit in or belong."

Is it true? I think that it is in certain seasons of life. Be it in the eventful throes of situations, or the quiet tranquil moments of reflection, or even in the midst of company, we can feel that, and it often leads me to wonder where are we headed, what should we do, and above all... what is my purpose?

Sure enough, with God, those questions get answered... but I find myself thinking beyond myself, to the people around.. ok, specifically the people that I mentor and care for, and wonder in such situations, what can I do for them that would help them feel better. It varies from person to person, I realise... much akin to Dr. Gary Chapman's "5 Love Languages", which in all honesty is actually quite apt.

But... what else is there? I think that modern society tends to see things on the peripheral, and very few think of the intricate cognitive works. A word to people is just a word at times. And more often than not, each person takes a word for what they prime it to be. Does anyone stop to think of how a word, when used in a different context, sheds the priming that it does? Does anyone consider the possibility of semantic prosody? Or do people stubbornly hold on to their own views, and then insistently stick to it, not realising the changes and adaptability of how a word can have so many different functions, connotations and implications when the surrounding supporting words change.

Is not the world as such too? That we adapt and change according to our surroundings. You wouldn't wear a winter jacket in summer to school, would you? And more importantly.. in the face of the ever changing trends of our society, what are our views and takes on it? And... above all else... what have we got on our hands, that enables us to make a difference? Or are we simply, as for the majority of us, just simply blind followers, who for the sake of brevity, self-comfort, ease or whatever it is, we stay in our comfort zones and don't move out.

While some accommodate, some assimilate, there are some who coerce others to conform to their thought of thinking and working. It's good, because there is a diversity of people to which all these somehow mingle and work together, and form a good working team. But then there lies the cracks that people tend to overlook, and human nature forms that potential unbinding component that breaks the priming that has been done from the very start. Well, not always, but sufficient times to draw a conclusion that human nature is a strong catalyst.

So what now? That's the big question. We've seen so much, and what can we do? Hahaha.. truth is I don't know. I do feel that we can do all we want, but change and learning begins with a simple choice that each individual makes. I don't know. I'm still trying to sort that out, and hopefully come to some sort of conclusion how best to balance out this unique diversity that is actually a healthy problem. =)

So at the end of the day, we still come back to God, whether it's our direct approach, or after one big round, only God knows. And am I glad I have this wonderful Saviour to guide my path! =)

Dear Mandy,

It's the start of a new week at work, and work here has been interesting, to say the least.
It's a new environment for me, but the learning curve is steep, and I'm still adjusting, being honest, to this new, but conducive and family-like place.

Things are on the uprise, but I guess that there's still much to do, think, and act on. At least the first step is done. Now, it's time to continue to look forwards, and to walk in that direction that God wants us to do.

I guess I don't know much, but I'll walk by faith, and trust that everything will work out in His time. =)

Dear Mandy...

I just bought Carole King and James Taylor's "Live at the Troubadour" cd, and hearing it really brings me back to Canada, where Jim and Nicola introduced me to Carole King's "Tapestry" cd, which, of all the music that I listened while over at Jim's place, Carole King is the one that I still listen to dearly, the other one being Ian Tyson.

And it really brings back memories, but even as I did listen to it, and I travel further back? I realise so much... how many memories have I missed out on? How many memories I didn't have to make? How many.. How many... the list is endless actually...

Oh well... perhaps it's just me? Or it could be how the world thinks? But I am suddenly very tempted to go against what is the norm of who I am, or how I'm supposed to be like, and just for once, do what I feel is right. What my priorities should be.

Perhaps being deviant never just meant going against the norm; it could also mean standing up for yourself and what you believe in.

Dear Mandy..

I just watched a completely hilarious Korean movie called "My girlfriend is an agent", and it was so funny! I laughed and laughed at the funny antics of the guy, Jae-Joon, and his girlfriend, Su-Ji.

So Su-Ji is an undercover espionage agent working for the government, and she ends up dating Jae-Joon, her college sweetheart. As her job requires, she has a fake background, and as Jae-Joon discovered her lies, broke up with her. 3 years later, at a chance encounter, they meet. And well, as can be expected, sparks and blows fly.

What is surprising is, Jae-Joon also has become an espionage agent working for the government, but in a separate agency. And he's new, he's bumbling, and he makes a heck of a mess of the tasks given to him. Apparently both parties are chasing the same deal, but different people. Where Su-Ji's team focuses on South Korean cases, Jae-Joon's team focuses on overseas cases. Coincidentally, both teams end up converging on the same case, as Jae-Joon's suspect is doing a trade deal with Su-Ji's suspect for a biological weapon.

Su-Ji meets up with Jae-Joon, and the end result is that they fight, but both realises that they haven't really forgotten each other, and the story takes a topsy-turvy tale, much akin to that of a sine curve, as their jobs causes them both to encounter each other in, shall I say, unexpected and disastrous circumstances. It was heart wrenching at times, and hilarious in others, to say the least. However, the end is a happy ending, cause I'm not spoiling it for you... a hilariously, sweet happy ending...

Well.. I somehow feel that the story line is nice, and the humour apt. And... the romance is a tad cliche? But all in all, it is a good heart-warming movie.
.
Honestly... just really like this movie and it's a must watch! =)

Dear Mandy..

Just some really nice and cute clip. =)



"Ooh La-La" by SNSD. =)



"Merry-Go-Round" by SNSD. =)



"Complete" by SNSD. =)



"Forever" by SNSD. =)

I think that these songs are simple, cute even, and I am really reminded of the simplicity of how love should be... Be it a dream, not knowing why one smiles... or how one is like a merry-go-round, where really, how long should one go before one can really be with somebody... or even, as a fairy tale, or to want to continue dreaming with somebody... Is it really as such? Should it? I don't know..

But all I know is this... that if love is truly true and simple.. then it requires effort to keep on going, but it is worth it, and it will be easy and simple.. because... you do it just because you love someone. =)

1 Corinthians 13 after all, kinda sums it up. =)

Dear Mandy..

In the midst of it all, as I reflect on the end of the exams, and look towards the next phase of life, I am a mixed furore of feelings.

I am glad the exams are over, but with NDP and Primers Camp looming ahead, I'm excited and also apprehensive at the same time. I feel so rusty, out of shape, and a little bit pensive as to the commitments and time management that loom ahead, but other than that.. I am quietly optimistic.

And with Jive and Tango lessons up and coming, where the first class was today, I was so excited and I love dancing ballroom! Thank God for Cheryl who attends class with me, it has been such a wonderful experience dancing with a friend, and sharing and talking... really quite fun. And the dance classes are increasingly fun, and I thank God, because the familiarity, and even the openness of the people, instructors and the ExCo of NUS SNB have been great. Dancing with two advanced dancers today was rather stressful, and I hope that it's because I am a relatively ok dancer. =)

The camp planning and prep are going well, and come the last two days before the camp begins, it's really about prayer and commitment. I'm really uncertain as to how it'll go, so I'm just going to commit it into God's hands, and pray for the best. =)

And of course, meeting up with Audrey. I wish that I could videotape every catch up session I have with Audrey Seah, Felicia and Joel Teng, because it almost always is a memorable experience. Aud's words that we're always on their minds and in their prayers is very touching, and the sharing that we did.. the affirmation that Aud gave.. and the insights we shared.. they are truly true and from the bottom of our hearts, and I give thanks for this wonderful sister of mine. =)

Onwards! =)

Dear Mandy..

Some really nice clips. =)



SNSD singing "Way to Go" =)



Tae Yeon singing "If", with Eng Subtitles. =)

Dear Mandy,

It's the end of April, and truth be told, I really think that it has been a very long semester. Couple it that the last day of April has an exam, and the first week of May culminates in a paper on Monday and a paper of Friday, and the packed schedule that I have ahead of me, I sometimes wonder what I've gotten myself into.

I know that it's difficult, and hey... anyone who sees the schedule and the hurdles that I've crossed in the last semester would probably say that it is challenging (not promoting myself here..), but I am very thankful. Because for some reason, there are always people who have been there to encourage me, pray for me, and bring me back on track. There even have been areas and avenues of short-term escapism, what with my beloved NUS FASS EL majors of 2007 gatherings, and our prayer points, to short but meaningful conversations with Chipmunk, and the more amusing ones with KT and Vonne.. it has been good. Thank God for these little avenues.

But the more I think of it, the more I realise also that there is much to be done. I honestly don't know if I have what it takes to make that difference, so I know that if anything, it's really up to God. I don't want to labour in vain, so I have to build my foundation on the rock that is the Lord. So... I don't know where to go from here.. and I don't know what else I can do. I'll just take it a step at a time.

Haha.. really some covenant this is. =) I'm beginning to realise that.

Dear Mandy,

It's week 13... and I actually have had mixed experiences and feelings about this semester.

My workload increased (well, which is typical as you take higher level modules), and my responsibilities increased. Truly truly as what God told me while I was in Canada, He really did prepare me for what is to come. Just to share, while I was in Canada, in one of my very common moments of sitting by the river side, or in running, or even in solitude prayer, God told me "My child, enjoy this period of being in Canada, and rest as much as you can, because your holiday will be over when you return."

True to God's word, my responsibilities have increased, and I finally am able to see the struggles of balancing, and thank God for my SEP, because being there enabled me to be more independent, and also, to grow more in terms of dealing with situations that present themselves. I stand in awe at how God's grace has been more than sufficient, and even at His divine plan and provision.

Despite all that, though, I also realise that there is much thanksgiving to be given, because God's glory is truly great. But with the obstacles that loom ahead, I too see the struggles of keeping to an unwavering faith... truly, the higher the level, the greater the devil... and I'm often found wanting.

I sometimes wonder what's the purpose of it all... =)
Well... I guess we all do.
But I believe God has a purpose.. so until the time is right, I shall be prayerful. =)

Dear Mandy,

Listening to Tae Yeon sing these two ballads.. they really make me feel rather bittersweet, and I can imagine how it would feel... =)

"If"



"Can you hear me?"


For the second clip here, Seohyun is on the piano with Tae Yeon...

Though sad, but I love them, because they do put me in a reflective mood... and I really love Korean ballads. There's just something about them. =)

Dear Mandy,

I absolutely love Joi Chua, and her songs, coupled with her wonderful voice, just give this whole calming and soothing effect. It's almost like in Canada.. having a nice cup of tea while watching the sunset, or observing the quiet tranquility of life around...

I was listening to her greatest hits album, and this song, 戀之憩, really stood out for me. Translated, it means the opening of love. The lyrics in Mandarin are as follows:

戀之憩

作詞：梁文福　作曲：梁文福　編曲：Terence Teo

什麼樣的溫柔　才能輕撫你的傷口
什麼樣的思念　才能遷走你的憂愁
什麼樣的擁抱　才是你寂寞的盡頭
什麼樣的守候　才能被你接受

你的眼是芬芳的醇酒　凝著許多記憶的深憂
我是未曾醉過的溫柔　淺淺一嘗就不能罷休
你的眉是幽幽的港口　蹙著許多靜靜的綢繆
我是一個情感的水手　短短一駐就不願再走

別再說你能不能夠　只是問你接不接受
啊無言的你可知否　並非回憶才天長地久


If you'd like a English translation, go to www.translate.google.com for an ungrammatical and somewhat incomplete translation, but it's a very very sweet song. That I really admit. =)
If you wanna listen to it, either youtube it, or ask me to send the song to u. =)

Joi Chua really is one of my favourite Mandopop artistes. =)

Dear Mandy,

I guess that even as the new semester is more than halfway through, we return to that ever daunting "essay and project season"... haha..

It's definitely not easy, and amidst the busy chaos of research, writing, I somehow realise that I'm also becoming increasingly more distant, and even, to a large extent, selectively sharing about myself even more than normal. It's actually rather funny, but I quite like that. Keeping things to myself never used to be a strong suite of mine, but of late, I think that I am doing that very often.

It's interesting to a large extent, but at the same time, I think that I just need time... =S

Dear Mandy,

This is a really really sweet song.. and a very wistful one as well....



The lyrics are as follows:

So Close- Jon MaLaughlin (Enchanted OST)

You're in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you're beside me and look how far we've come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We're so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let's go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

Dear Mandy..

There are times when I know that we all feel alone in this world.

We really want to find someone who cares, and someone who's willing to accept us for who we are, and who thinks from our perspective.

It's really ironic sometimes, when you find that the people who you really care about, sometimes take you for granted? And it's also even more ironic, when you realise that you're particular about small, little things that let you know that you matter. Because it's the little things that count.

But then... am I being too sensitive, I find myself asking that question..

But then.. for some reason, I realise that it's really the more you care for someone, the more you open yourself up to them. You trust them, and you somehow believe in certain things about them... that they'll be there for you. That they'll be sensitive to you. That they'll be able to tell when things are wrong. But it's funny how when you've been hurt before, and you really need their considerate natures the most.. that they sometimes fail to rise to the occasion. And then you hide back into a shell that you know you should have stayed behind all along.

But then again, think about it. Am I like that for others? Am I as sensitive as I am to them? Because I doubt that I have been, so do I have the right to deserve such things?

Point being... in the end, we're all selfish people. It is only by the grace of God that we are able to do certain things.. so I really wonder...

What is the purpose of all these things to begin with anyway? What is the purpose of life? Sure... people say as long as you walk right with God, you wouldn't have all these thoughts.

Easier said than done... and before we make such blatant comments... perhaps we should evaluate ourselves, and ask ourselves if we're really doing that very thing right?

Because I think that there's always something to learn, and in this case, the apparent paradoxical nature of it all.. I wonder... what will the end result be? I don't know, and being honest, I'm worried about what the outcome might be from all these...

I'll just be prayerful.

Dear Mandy..

Sometimes it's kind of strange to realise how life can really turn you 360degrees around and land you back at the same spot.

And above all else, I sometimes feel that there's more to it than just that. There's so much to do, so much to learn.

And I'm extremely thankful for the wonderful friends that I've met along the way...
Audrey, my dearest best friend.. thanks for being there all the time.
KT and Vonne, my guardian angels.. =)
And the tribe, my beloved 20th, and among others more.

What can I say? I'm just a jumble of thoughts. =)

Dear Mandy,

Happy Chinese New Year and Happy Valentine's Day.. =)

It's a day that encompasses meeting up with relatives that are long not met, as well as a day where lovers celebrate a day of love. For me... it seems that this year, it's a tad slower and wistful than normal.. for a few reasons I guess?

Sis is getting married, so this is technically the last CNY I have to spend with my beloved sister who's seen me grow all this while. Though we've had our rough patches, and due to the work that we both have, haven't had all that much time together, I know I'm going to miss her. Sis is and will always be an integral part of my life, and as time slowly but surely passes, I know that this intensity will just get more and more strong. I'm happy for sis that she's moving on to the next phase of life, but similarly, a tad wistful that it's going to also mean farewell. =)

Perhaps I'm just not suited to think of it as Valentine's Day, but more of just hanging on to know that it's going to be just another day that's special. But I wish all couples out there a happy Valentine's Day, and I pray that you'll be richly blessed. =)

These days, I think that the workload's going to start getting more and more, and this break isn't going to be too much of a break as I want to get work done, start on my projects and essays, and to get ahead on my readings.. but I know that with the Mid Terms that are coming, I'm going to have to make time for those as well, but I want to do well. There're so many responsibilities to balance out, so many people that I want to make time for because they mean so much to me, and above all, the need to find some... "me time". I've really appreciated the ability to have that kind of time in Canada... time to just space out, to do the things that I want to do, have time to just... read the things I want to read, and all these while still being ahead of my own game.

I never knew that it'd be such a huge difference in adjustment upon coming back, but I guess that it's really true when you say that the grass always is greener on the other side. I just need to get back into that rhythm, and stop finding excuses for the things that I haven't done. I need to be more optimistic, and I need to remember that it's so much easier to give into sadness, because that's surrender... There's a battle to fight, but I want to know that God will be with me so I will be strong and I will make it through.

That being said.. there are so many questions that are going through my head as well.. and I know that there's no need for me to get the answers now, but I really wish I knew. Oh well. =)

Dear Mandy,

I tried this thinking quiz.. this is my result. Rather apt for my major, don't you think? =P

Some people have a strong preference for one style of thinking, and find some skills come more naturally than others. Other people tend to adopt different thinking styles in different situations.

This test gives you an idea of what your current thinking style or styles are. But remember - the brain is a very adaptive organ. You should be able to improve your performance in any one of these categories with practice. The Renaissance ideal

The leading thinkers of the Renaissance were not just experts in their own field. The renaissance scholar was expected to master all branches of knowledge.

With his insatiable desire to know everything, Leonardo da Vinci is often held up as the ideal Renaissance man.



You are a Linguistic Thinker
Linguistic thinker

Linguistic thinkers:

* Tend to think in words, and like to use language to express complex ideas.
* Are sensitive to the sounds and rhythms of words as well as their meanings.

Like linguistic thinkers, Leonardo made meticulous descriptions in his journals. He also made an effort to learn Latin - a foreign language

Other Linguistic Thinkers include
William Shakespeare, Sylvia Plath, Anne Frank

Careers which suit Linguistic thinkers include
Journalist, Librarian, Salesperson, Proof-reader, Translator, Poet, Lyricist

Dear Mandy,

Somehow, I think back on what I've heard over the last years, and today, one comment came to mind...

"You cannot trust everything you read. You have to discern, check the author's credentials."

And somehow, I wonder.. whatever happened to trust? When did it become so difficult to trust, and to believe? How has our world evolved to become one that seemingly is so different, that seemingly... is cold, hostile.. that a kind act out of sincerity can even seem to be interpreted as devious, scheming...? It's a sad thought!

I realise that no matter how the author writes, it's possible to find positives and learning lessons to take away. So in that respect, every author is good, because there's always something we can learn. We choose how we want to see the world.. positive or negative? Which comes back to the point of even in times of adversity, can we still find it in us to give praise and thank the Lord? It's all a choice, an attitude of the heart, and that is what the Lord sees. He does not give us more than what we can bear... but He challenges us enough so that we know that without Him, we can truly do nothing.

It's a bit of an unearthly paradox, but one that I feel, and strongly believe, is one that moulds us to become who we are today. It's an interesting outlook, but one I want to try to adopt.

I'll be optimistic as best I can... but I also know, that my God is the reason why I can smile. =)

Dear Mandy,

As the second week of this semester starts, I somehow wonder about a lot of things.

I've never been this overwhelmed at the start of a school semester, but I have been.
I've never been behind on my readings at the start of a school semester, but I have.
I've never has a presentation on the 2nd week of school but I had.
I've never had a semester where I don't have classes with Isaac and Jasmine, but I do.

The list could go on and on, but I've decided that I want to count the blessings that I've been given, instead of the losses or disappointments I've encountered.

I made lots of new friends in my modules: people like Steffi, Ying Le, Andrea, Sabrina, Shirin, Amelia and Bang Rui.
I realised that it's alright to have an eye candy (ok, this is just in for comic purposes).
I realise that responsibility is actually a privilege, as it exemplifies the trust that people have in your capabilities.
I got a very apt "back to school" package from emo-buddy! =D
I'm starting the year with really good friendships. I'm still awfully thankful that I've got Aud, KT, Vonne, Vette, Prisc and KristyK around. =)

And when you stop to think about the blessings that you've been given, you're actually starting to focus more on the happy things. I think these days, I could use all the happy vibes I can get. =) Life's just too short to be dreary all day long.

So I know that there'll be times I'll start thinking too much, slip back into that feeling sorry for myself mood, but I know at the very least, I'm blessed, and I'm loved. =)

Dear Mandy,

Well, to those who don't know, I'M BACK IN SINGAPORE. Nice sunny Singapore, with the familiar faces, the nostalgic food, and the new challenges that lie ahead.

I've got quite a fair bit of stuff on my platter, but I'm kind of relishing the challenge that I'd have to balance out everything with my studies this semester. I'm going to believe God gave me these responsibilities for a reason, and I know that He'll see me through.

I do miss Canada though.. there's no two ways about it. I miss being close to nature, the quiet tranquility of my surroundings, the fun and good lecturers, and the friends I've made while I was there. It has been quite an experience, I've learned a lot. And now it's time to get back to reality, and to use what I've learnt to teach, learn, improve... and to make a difference to the community in Singapore.

THere're issues that I know I have to address soon with God, but for now, I've been suppressing and pushing them away. Well... I guess that when it resurfaces, God probably wants me to deal with it... Just wondering why. =)

Dear Mandy,

I've finished my exams here in UVic, but instead of the normal euphoria that I would feel in NUS after finishing my exams, I feel relief, and a twinge of sadness, because this is it. It's the end of my school life here, and as I'm in the library typing this, looking out the library's window to the quiet, peaceful, serene campus of UVic, I gotta say that I'm actually a tad wistful.

It's been great here. I don't have to say more. I love the people, the community, and even my lessons.. if anything, that's just been an awesome experience that I really can't wish for anything more. Sure I've had my ups and downs in this place, and it's also been a journey of growth and learning. But above all else, as I look back... I see how God has blessed my SEP, and how I am certain, and confident that I'm more prepared, rested and ready for what may come when I head back to SG.

Of course, I'm not saying I'll ever be fully prepared, and God has kind of prompted me that it's going to be quite a bit of things to do when I head back... be it church, school, personal life.. let's just say that this might be the last long break that I'm going to have from responsibilities for quite some time. On this journey, I discovered more of who I am, and what I want. Also, discovered that there's a whole new culture and life out there that no one can really know and have enough of. I know for certain I'm going to miss the community here... heck, I'm already missing them already, seeing how they've all flown off to their separate parts of Canada, and soon, so will I.

Heading back to SG... mixed feelings, definitely. But it is what I have been called to go, it is where I have to be. At least until the Lord tells me otherwise, this is where I'm to be. Though I'd love to stay here in Victoria and do stuff for the homeless here where I've really seen a real need... but it's either not my calling, or not my time. So back to SG it is. =)

My last days here in Canada. =) Je'taime Canada! =)

Dear Mandy,

The time here has come down to the last 16 days, and how do I feel? Mixed.

There's really so much to let go of, but the truth being that it's not just about Canada, UVic, or the people and community that I've met and lived with... but it's also stuff back in Singapore that I've gotta let go of. I have this feeling that I'm not the same person that I was when I left Singapore., and that I've grown up more, and even a tad more mellowed than normal. And I think that that's good. =)

It's definitely a lot of things that I'm thinking of, a lot of things that I know that I have to reflect on, think clearly about, and a lot of things that I'll have to do upon my return. I don't know how my adjustment back to SG would be, but hey... I'll walk trusting the Lord for that. =)

But it's definitely easier said than done! Meredith Grey said in an episode in Season 5 : "Every minute in life is borrowed time... so we push each loss as far away as we possibly can." How so true... how so true.

Dear Mandy,

There often comes a time when God drops His little nuggets of reminder, or inspiration, or revelation, and you can only just stand in awe of Him.

I went to the Mustard Seed today. It was the IVCF's last week of serving and cooking for the homeless, and it was fun. Initially, there were only a few people: Gareth, Cai, Greg and Adam when I came over. Then subsequently, more people came. Elizabeth and Marie, Brittany, Janice and Amanda, Allie(Ally? Ellie?) Luke and a couple of guys who I don't really know came over as well. And it was fun. What with lettuce fighting with Elizabeth, spraying water from the lettuce over Marie, and basically just having all rounded fun and laughter.

When the homeless people came, and we served them, we were efficient. That I've gotta admit. The mad rush was.. well... mad. And if anything, the desserts were selling like hotcakes! And I had fun serving, and chatting with the people. Cutting up the cakes into small slices was the hardest task of the day.. Allie, Amanda, Janice and I were just exerting brute strength to cut the cakes, and it was by no means an easy task, cause the cakes had been placed in the freezer.

But that night, God revealed more to me, not just in fellowship and serving. But in simple truths.

I met Jeffrey that night, and how we met was absolutely funny. He asked if he could have another serving of chilli and rice, and well, I just gave it to him, and we started talking. He was working as a construction worker, and his hands were extremely callused and hardened. But he was happy. And he told me that he used to be a bad person. Moving from one rehabilitation institution to another, just a man angry at the world, and just on drugs and smoking. And he still is, but he's better now. And now, he told me "people are beautiful." He'd sleep on the streets if it meant that his friends could pay their rent. He'd be willing to go hungry if he can help his friends out with their debt. And he was happy- contented. And life is going well for him, because he was in the midst of discussing an investment with the bank. But... he was still smoking pot, and he drank beer? But he had cut down his intake by almost half, and the friends that he helps out, are all rallying him, helping him cut the habit. And I think he even has a girlfriend.

BUt what he told me was so impactful. He said.. "All you really need is a little bit of faith, you know? That with hope and love, and everything is just beautiful. I never thought I'd be able to get a job, but here I am, working hard, and earning my money. It's meaningful, you know?" And I was struck by the simplicity of his statements. Here was a man, with literally no home, working hard manual labour, but with the optimism and love of a little child. It reminded me of a verse I read in the Bible which says that the poor are always more willing to give than the rich... I think this is very much exemplified here. And before he left, he gave me a big hug, and said "People who don't like hugs must be nuts". And then off he went, into the rain and cold, but leaving behind me, with much wonder in the words he said, and knowing God had spoken through a homeless man like him.

After that, we had a bit to bite, and we cleaned up a bit. And I went outside to play with a dog, feeding it water, and it has such beautiful blue eyes! Then when I came back in, Allie was about to go, and we chatted for a while. And Allie said "don't underestimate the smallest thing that God prompts you to say. It could mean something to someone. I really want to thank you for sharing that song and testimony about your friend who was locked up for her faith. It spoke to me, and it assured me, because I was once like that too." And I was so astounded. I really like Allie, being honest. She's rather quiet, and keeps to herself, but she has a sense of humour that when she says something, it's actually rather funny. And she's always calm, composed, and I can tell, she's someone who really loves God. And that really reminded me of things. That if God has prompted you to do something, even if it's really weird, do it. Because you never know who you might be blessing in the process.

Well, as the day came to a close.. I thanked God, because I know that He was there, He worked through us, and all glory to God.

Dear Mandy,

As I'm sitting here, the day after "Exchange for Change Culture Fair", I look back on what has happened, and have been going on, and I marvel, because I see how God has been in it the whole way through.

Exchange for Change (Back row, L to R): Sherri, Martes, Stephen, Jet, Josh, Peter (Front row, L to R): Barbara, Emma, Me, Takashi, Tomoya (Not in picture): Juliet

When the project first started, we went through a slow start... choosing a beneficiary for our project, and discussing over it, splitting into committees... And then that's when the difficult part began. Coming from different cultures, Exchange for Change (EFC) is actually made up of people from England, Australia, Hong Kong, Japan and Singapore, and we all had to work together. Seeing clearly the meaning of Sociology when they say culture differences, each country actually had a uniquely different style of working and functioning.. or maybe, it's just an individual thing. On a couple of occasions, I was silently stewing over the progress of the meeting, and at times, certain characters and comments made at certain times. It got so bad, that I actually found myself praying to God for patience and tolerance, simply because of this simple thing: culture difference.

Then came the period of stress. Half our committee went travelling over the reading break, and there was communication breakdown. Coupled with venue problems, booth issues, and publicity matters, it seemed like the event was struggling. But then, I remember reading once before, a story in Joshua Harris' book, "I kissed dating goodbye", about this boy's birthday party, where his dad requested that all his friends come with their fathers, sort of like a male fraternity party. But each father brought a gift to give to the kid. One father gave the birthday boy a nail remover. And he said "There will be days when you realise after building a house, that you've made a mistake. What would you do? Carry on building and risk the safety of those living in it, or start over from scratch and waste time and money? Well, these are the times when you would realise it's better to take the house down nail by nail, and to start from scratch. It would take an immense load of courage to do so, but it moulds character, and it is what God does with us."

With that thought in mind, I agreed with scaling down the event, and Josh and I proposed an alternative Plan B in case it doesn't come through. So the moment reading break ended, God prompted me to go and meet Sherri, the International and Exchange Student Services student advisor for this project, and to discuss and update what has been going on. Then came more whoppers, when some previous connections that we had established to help set up booths in the event could not be contacted. At this moment, I was really a tad worried.

Would you believe God knows? One Saturday, feeling overwhelmed, I wanted to click on Joel's msn to talk to him, or to e-mail Audrey, Yvette or Prisc.. and then Audrey came online so I could talk to her, and the next day, Joel msn-ed me, and even gave me a long distance call. And this is what he told me "God doesn't care about the end result; He cares about your heart. You're too used to organising good events, aiming for perfection, that when it comes to a time when this event isn't going well, you feel like the burden's on you. But carry the Lord's burden, and the Lord looks at the heart, and your attitude. What is your decision?" That day, I knelt before the Lord at night, and I prayed to commit the event into God's hands.

I was reminded of this song by Avalon, called "The Greatest Story":

"You cannot measure worth by human standards
That's always a lie.
Oh you have to see through heaven's eyes how

Your life
Woven day by day
Is a new design
Of the glory God displays
From the canvas of creation
To the poem of history
In the pattern of redemption
Running through the tapestry
Your life in Christ could be
The greatest story ever told"

So with that, I agreed with Josh's proposal for Plan B, and we decided that inevitably, we would have to scale down the event. God prompted me to go and meet up with Sherri, the International and Exchange Student Services advisor for the project, and we felt more allieved when she said she would look into finding an alternate venue. This that despite news that there were some problems contacting the Chinese Student Scholars Association regarding their setting up of a booth, it didn't affect me too much, because I took by faith that God was in control, and the event is in God's hands.

Daily I prayed for the event. And as God would have it, at the second last meeting before the event on the 27th Nov, everything happened. First, the Association for International and Canadian Students Society helped us book a place at the Student Union Building, and a Bangladeshi group had expressed interest in joining us. And if that's not all, we had plenty of donated prizes for the raffle draw! New Balance donated prizes, as did a bookstore and a cafe down at Caboro Bay, and so did some of the members on the Committee! And in one day, we started rolling. Posters were done up, raffle tickets were done up, and the handicrafts were ready to go.

The posters were up that coming Monday, and we started to publicise our event. Then, the CSSA said they couldn't help us due to other commitments, but they donated prizes to our raffle draw. The meeting ended earlier than normal, so that we could all go and do our own preparations for the fair. I headed home, Juliet and Beth came along, and we backed two batches of brownies (which are really nice), friendship bracelets and some administrative documents for the event tomorrow. I did get frustrated at some points in the night, Aud and Yvette know what it's about, but thank God that He got me through. Martina McBride is also a really good singer to listen to for late night stints... I survived the night on her Christmas album. =)

Woke up early and headed to school to set up the place for the event, and it was amazing. We got everything done in about an hour, and we had our first customer as early as before our opening time. That was truly amazing, honestly, because it was from my Psycholinguistics Class! Praise God, because it was like He was affirming me that it's going to work out. The weather was sunshine as well (it'd been raining non-stop), and that further affirmed me. I had to go for class, but I was certain that things would go well.

Imagine when God gave me a B+ for my Grammar test! All along I'd been getting B- for the last 2 tests... I jumped two grades!! Talk about amazing... which made me really excited (despite the lack of sleep). I went back, and well, we never really had a crowd? But we did make a substantial amount of donations, and sale of raffle tickets by then. What's important is that I felt God with me, and everyone had fun and bonded. So much so, that we were joking, laughing, and generally accepting that whatever will be will be.

We made $706 from the whole cash donations, and that's excluding the other donations that we got, like socks, sleeping bags and general utilities, so it was a successful event. And it was all that I could do, except to stop and say "thank you God", because He saw me through. He really saw the event through. So praise God and all glory to Him. =)

Our beneficiary, "Our Place" is a place for the homeless people of Victoria. They provide lodging, healthcare, showers, free meals, but are only open for 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, due to lack of funding. But the place is run, established and visioned by Reverend Allen Tysick, who's an amazing man. A bit on the rough edges, but passionate about what he feels God has called him to do; serve the poor and the homeless. Not an easy call, definitely. But something he does with gratitude and humility.

I'm just awed by God in all of this. =)

Dear Mandy,

I'm sitting in Vertigo at the SUB now, with a nice teriyaki chicken wrap in my hands, a bottle of blueberry and cranberry juice before me, and a nice clique of Linguistic majors before me.

There's Megan Harris, who's quite the affectionate woman; almost like a big sister. Meghan Cobbs is this really smart woman. Maciel is really calm, and composed. And then there's Christine, who's like this energy bubble who's like a little sister to me. Yes yes, my clique of Ling325 people, and they're all amazing. We were discussing the 5th assignment of LING325, and it's interesting to hear the different viewpoints of each individual about the questions, and I really think that they're an amazing bunch of people. =)

And of course, there's LING370A, where my lab experiment group consists of Janine, Susan, Sarah, Meara and Dominic. We're a rather diverse and extremely fun-loving bunch of people who still manage to get work done efficiently. I'm just quite glad that I managed to find such wonderful people amongst the Linguistic fraternity.

So, pretty much, even in class, I find peace and friendship! And I LOVE IVCF! Wonderful group of people who serve God... though there are some aspects of IVCF that took some adjusting to because it's different in Singapore, but I do feel the Lord working in IVCF, and how they're a group of people finding their way in knowing God. =)

So while I'm heading back soon, trust me when I say I'm going to miss this group of people who are fantastic. Completely fantastic. =)

Praise God for His provision.

Dear Mandy,

There comes a time when you realise that it's not about you; it's about God.

I always wondered why God made me do a 40 day fast from meat, and to do a fish and vegetable diet... I found out just today.

I've been cooking the last couple of days. Cause it's the reading break, my landlords went to Tofino, and so, I was left at home. And the weather outside is frightful. Haha.. So I bought stuff, and I cooked. =)

Of course, being a novice, I'm not that keen to cook and experiment with meat... Admittedly, I'm seeing more green on my plate than any other colour, mostly because, well, vegetables, to me, are easier to cook. =) So, when my friends came over yesterday to crash, and I cooked for them.. they mentioned that it's mostly vegetables. And even today, when preparing lunch, they mentioned the same thing... and God reminded me of my fast. If I hadn't done that fast, I probably wouldn't have felt so comfortable with vegetables here. And it made me wonder about the immense awesome nature of our God. Truly amazing stuff.

And for the fish? Fish is RARE here. Haha.. unless I choose to go for the fish and chips, which I truly don't mind, except that it's kinda expensive actually. So I had my fair share of fish in the fast, and now, I'm truly truly comfortable food wise.

But what about other things? What about the friendships we hold? I'm glad that I've found a little clique here, and they've been an awesome bunch to be around and have fun with! God's provision is really sufficient. =) And yet, I miss the people back home. From what I know, there're a lot of changes, a lot of new adaptations. But through it all, I pray God's hands be upon it, because in all honesty, I don't know what else it could be. And well, even if it's something that isn't good, God can turn it around. There's a lot to be anticipatory about, and in that light.. I'll be prayerful.

Dear Mandy,

A song that God placed in my head this morning:

"You are welcome, more than welcome
To abide in this temple
To reside in this place.
You are welcome, more than welcome
Holy Spirit come and take Your place.

We are gathering together
To worship at Your throne
To exalt the name of Jesus
To worship Him alone
He is worthy of our praises
So we lift our voices high
Spirit come...
Take Your place...

You are welcome, more than welcome
To abide in this temple
To reside in this place.
You are welcome, more than welcome
Holy Spirit come and take Your place."

Lord, be with me as I go through this day. =)

Dear Mandy...

Well, as November has begun, I'm somehow torn. I'm quite tempted to explore the possibility of extending my exchange stint here, because well, the linguistics education here is really good. I'm learning a fair bit, and the constant assignments and submissions, albeit tedious, but they have really allowed me to constantly practice what I've been learning, and the interactive nature of classes, and the closeness of the lecturer all make me think that I can benefit here in terms of my education.

But there're a lot of factors that are involved in this whole thing as well. The major administrative hassles from the major institutions... the financial aspect... and a whole lot more. But well, I'll pray about it. If God wants me to stay here, He'll show me. =)

Had my first Bible study class yesterday, and it was great. Really great. I saw the chapter in the book of John so much more intensely and in depth than I've ever been before, and I really felt that there is so much more about the good Lord that I have yet to discover. Sure, I'm knowing Him more and more, but there's still a vast universe about Him that He wants me to know. So, while I'm typing these, I'm rather ecstatic for what is to come. And I firmly believe in Him.

So, Lord, here I am. =)

Dear Mandy..

I so miss you all, 20th.

Dear Mandy,

I might be lying if I said that I didn't miss the people back home, or that there are times that I actually feel quite alone, and wish that I had my closest friends near me.. A small handful.. Audrey, Prisc, Yvette, KT, Yvonne, Gayne, Jacob and Zhiyuan. 8 pple. Haha..

But then.. I do like my community here. Jim and Nicola, Juliet, Beth and Angie... wonderful people. And of course, who can forget IVCF! They've really helped me settle in, and I've really enjoyed the time I spend with them. But when I realistically sit down and think of it.. they won't be my community. The ministry I serve. They'll be good friends, and hopefully, long friendships, but they won't be the community I will be hanging around.

I know that God has called me back to serve in Singapore... of course.. i may be called somewhere else in the near future.. but for now, this is where I'm called.

But somewhere deep down, I know I'm not strong enough. And I believe I'm getting by purely by the sustenance of God. It would be so easy to just throw in the towel.. but I know God has a plan and a purpose for me.. and that's why I'm here. So while I'm here, I'll just do my best. God will take care of the rest.

I know that Aud and KT know what that might encompass as well, but for the time being, I'm not going to dwelve on that.. =)

Dear Mandy,

Over the IVCF weekend, I felt prompted by God to share an analogy that I encountered about a year or two ago, and that it was rather apt.

The question: which is stronger? The tree or grass?

Different people would have varied answers... When I posed this question to my group of wonderful amazing people, they each had their different answers. So imagine how surprised I was when there were members who quantified both and said both are equally strong.

Most of the people might say that trees are stronger. They're majestic, they're hard and sturdy. They reach up to the heavens, they get so much more light, and they are generally more useful than grass. I mean, let's face it. What can grass really do right?

Imagine one fine day, a hurricane, or a typhoon comes. Which would be the first to topple?

Well, needless to say, it'd be the tree. Amazing, isn't it? A majestic, strong tree, first to topple in a disaster. Surprisingly, it's the grass that would remain sturdy, more or less rooted in its place.

Why this story? Because it reflects about how God created us. Sometimes we think we're so high and mighty, it takes one disaster to bring us down. Other times, we feel so small and weak, but yet, we make it through a disaster the most intact. Conversely.. we are all made differently. Some of us are outspoken, more extroverted, but we have our moments of weakness. Similarly, some of us are really quite broken, we've been through so much, or we keep to ourselves, introverted, but in times of a crisis, we rise above and beyond ourselves to make things happen.

All these are because of the grace of God, and it's amazing to also see how God created each of us so much more differently than what we would even so much as expect of ourselves. If we think that we are so good that we subconsciously equate our capabilities to that of God's, God can bring across a situation to humble us at the foot of the cross once again. And if we feel that we are inadequate, then God will bring across a situation to make us rise up above ourselves and to realise that we are all capable with God.

But, all of us harmonise and live together as one community. The extroverted and introverted help each other out and live harmoniously together.. just like how the trees and grass live together. The leaves of the trees drop to the ground to become nutrients for the grass (who would take up majority of it), while the grass retains the soil, so that erosion does not occur.

God meant for us to live as a community, yet He made us so diverse and unique. So tell me... how great is our God? =)

Dear Mandy...

At the back of my mind in all that I do, are the pending assignments, essays, presentations and readings that I feel I must do and get done soon.

Then I realise that there's sometimes not much point being so hardworking...

But I want to give in my best for God.

But God asks "Are you running on your strength or are you drawing strength from Me?"

So I prayed. =)

Dear Mandy...

The view of sunrise from my lodging

Well, as the time in Victoria goes on, it becomes increasingly busy, as the workload increases, and the assignments get more colourful. But through it all, I'm rather amazed by God's wonderful grace. I took the model that PS Khong recommended in his sermon on the 13th Sept, and it's been difficult initially? But as I kept at it, I started to be more and more honest with God, and heard even more clearly what God wants to tell me. It's like when there's a need to reply the Lord, I am more sensitive to what He would want to say. And ever since.. it's been a romance journey with the Lord. =) Great! =)

Then of course, the school work. I found it an irony when I got 36/50 for a test, but it's a B- grade here. Haha... yes, there's no bell curve here, everything is what you've got is what you get. Hmm.. It's got its pros and cons I guess, but to get an A, I've gotta score 85/100. =S hahaha... even a 72 is a B-... so I'd need like... 75 for a B and 80 for a B+. Haven't done such systematic grading for some time, so it's a rather refreshing experience actually, if you ask me. =) Having to work doubly hard all over again.. haha... I wonder if what happened at A levels would actually resurface sometimes.

But then the Lord affirms me by saying that He will provide for me. So I shall trust and walk by faith. And I never ever thought, that on a sunday morning, I can sit in the sunshine, and be typing this blog entry to you. I'm rather amazed... this is a lifestyle that I could definitely get used to. My landlords, Jim and Nicola are really friendly and amazing people. I really like them. =) I can talk freely with them about anything and everything, and they're just such a homely and friendly couple... I'm really thanking and praising God for such an arrangement.

I went whale watching yesterday, and I really marvel at God's creations. Humpback whales, killer whales, poposies and seals were all spotted yesterday as we were in the Zodiac boat. And it was awesome! Really great. I marvelled so much at the Lord's creation, because it's something that I'm pretty certain I won't get to see all that often. But as I was on the boat, and we moved out into the sea, Juliet told me "wah.. the ocean is so big.." and a song came to mind... Lee Ann Womack's "I hope you dance".. and with that song, the semantic correlation would be to Prisc. Haha.. so I took a picture of the ocean, and then wrote "I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean" as its caption, and then posted it on facebook. Haha.. but upon further thought, I kinda realised that indeed... God may have made us the ruler over His creations? But His majesty is shown when we see an ocean so vast, to only know that we're just like a little ant, in a world so big.

"How great Thou art!" And as well as "Oh Lord, how majestic is Your name" came to mind. But in all honesty, as the boat headed back to Victoria, and we saw the mainshore, I told Juliet "it's kind of welcome back to reality", as we knew that what awaited us were assignments, deadlines and more readings and catching up to do. It was kind of a demoralising factor.

This morning, I watched FCBC's sermon for 20th Sep by PS Ashley Evans, and he reminded us that "praise comes first". It was quite a sequential sermon, but the part where he says that praise will get rid of depression spoke to me. I may be in a difficult situation, but I will praise the Lrod, because this is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it (Psalms 119). So I'll remember to praise God in all circumstances. =)

I miss everyone back home! Pearlyn Ong called me stoopid.. haha.. Jas!! Help me get some revenge on Pearl!! =P Hahha.. but that aside, BKC is dearly missed. =) Jasmine, Pearlyn, Rashidah and Isaac.. haha... it's been quite weird not having them in my classes... but I'm going to be optimistic because I know that I'll be linking and meeting them pretty soon before long, and I want to believe that our friendship is going to be one that goes beyond NUS. In fact, I think it's definitely possible, given how wonderful and reciprocative these people are. =) Missing you peeps!!

DEBORAH HENDRICKS!!! How to do your survey when you don't send me the file!!??? And u know that there's always something called email, so the word docu can get to me in any way? =P But I'm really excited seeing how you've grown in the Lord! Haha.. continue to shine and walk close to Him. =) I know great things are destined by God for you. =)

And of course. I miss the tribe. Rawr!! Hahah.. and a lot of new things are happening at home as well... haha.. what they are? I shan't say... but the new addition of an animal to the household does make things rather.. interesting. Hahahah... but overall, I am enjoying my time here, and I should take time off to enjoy and take in the sights and sounds of Victoria. Despite the overwhelming workload, I am resolved to take my own moments. =P

Alright.. with every darkest night, take heart, for the dawn will soon come. God will see me through. =)

Dear Mandy...

I've already spent close to 2 weeks here in Victoria, Canada, and well, the mixed feelings are finally starting to settle in. =)


Don't get me wrong, I love the place. Victoria is a beautiful beautiful place, and the air is so fresh here, and the university has all these cute little bunnies that keep jumping and frolicking around.. the university itself is a tranquil state of being, rather than a stressed up series of events that make for a potential stressful situation than anything else. Perhaps I'm just being biased because of the fact that Singapore is a place where to stay in the game, we've gotta be ahead of the normal world average by at least a couple of steps, but this break is something... really something.

Of course, that doesn't mean I don't miss the people back home, as well as certain things like the food, and the other what nots like church, like cell, like studying in VJC. I especially miss Audrey (my chipmunk and awfully close junior and friend), Kaiting and Yvonne (I think they call themselves my guardian angels.. haha..), Vette and Prisc (my two closest church friends), Zhiyuan, Jacob and Joel Teng (my closest male friends, and my mentor), and how can I forget my beloved 20th SC, and the quiet, comforting people like Gayne and Deborah? Haha.. there's a whole list if I were to list them out, definitely.. and it wouldn't be countable with both hands and feet.

I realised how much the quote I placed on facebook "the beauty of the moment seemingly lessened without the ones you love" impacted me last week when I saw yesterday my new lodging and the running route, and then realising that there's really no one here in Canada that I'd really want to share my emotions with. Then thank God, Vette was online? And I just shared with Vette.. and the two of us had a moment of sharing. =) My silly emo-buddy is adorably silly. Haha.. =P

One cannot help but marvel at God's creation of wonderful nature, but I also feel that my season here, God is teaching and moulding me a lot. I'm having to confront much discomfort here in Victoria and UVic... and it's somewhat starting all over again to a certain extent, but by the grace of God, everything has been going smoothly, and has worked out in one way or another. I'm really thankful, and just when I thought that I wouldn't have a chance to practice guitar.. lo and behold, there's a guitar in my new lodging that I can use. Haha.. I'll worship God in quiet and in truth. =P

To everyone who comes by this almost inactive blog.. thanks for being such avid readers! Haha.. God bless each and every one of you. =)

Dear Mandy...

As the date draws nearer for me to leave for Canada, the strength of the bittersweet feelings just seem to get increasingly stronger and stronger. I'm keen to go, actually, but at the same time, I'm apprehensive about flying.

It's not so much so that it's a new environment, a new place.. cause heck! I think I've been exposed to too many new experiences and working and being by myself for the longest time that for some funny reason, I've managed to adapt, and accommodate quickly.. sure there are times when I'll miss home, esp when I was in the army, but I grew to assimilate and even enjoy the fact that I'm able to live and survive in the army without much problem after the first month or so... well, ok, adjustment period of one month for each new environment/camp I was posted to, with the exception of ever so wonderful OCS. That kinda took me much longer. =)

Perhaps the one thing that has the biggest gravitational pull for me to stay are my friends... wonderful people, especially those who're close to me. Of late? I've kinda realised that my close friend pool has changed yet again... haha... funny... it used to be Abby for the longest period of time.. since I think Pri 6 till Sec 4 that Abby and I were really close.. writing letters to slot into each other's mailboxes... meeting at our void decks every birthday... =) Then now... well, there're still the same pple that I'll run to if I need a shoulder or a listening ear... Jacob, Zhiyuan, Kristy Koh... and then there's the church people like Joel, Yvette, Felicia, Prisc... and of course, Cindy and Audrey. They're the people who I know have been there for me.... and who'll prob continue being there for me. =)

Let's also not ever discount God.. He who knows everything. =) He's always there, been there for me... and never changes. Amazing.

Perhaps this exchange is coming at a time when I need to just go away and rediscover myself. =) Actually looking forward, very much in fact to being in Canada.. where I heard the place that I'm going to is rather tranquil, quiet, and beautiful, and I mean beautiful scenery. It's almost a perfect getaway... =)

So why am I apprehensive? I wonder.. haha...

Dear Mandy...

I don't know, but I suddenly wonder about how important I really am. It's a kind of ironic situation where seriously just a little while ago, I was rather confident of where I stand, but suddenly, I don't think I am.

Perhaps I'm being overly sensitive. But then again, maybe I'm not. Perhaps my own insecurities in the past have resulted in an accumulation of insecurity. I don't know myself.

I can't deny that there's a lot in my heart, right now. Do I feel burdened? Yes, to a certain extent, I do. I just really don't know if I should be happy, sad, upset.. I have absolutely no idea. All I know, is that I just... don't know.

Say I don't know? That's probably me. Say I'm unsure.. mm.. I don't know either. I just.. really wish I knew what to do, or to say, or to just...

Somebody please tell me what to do?

Dear Mandy..

Needing to change my own understanding of certain things, including myself. And that's something that has really struck me. How much do I know about myself? And how well do I know about myself. Such questions run through my mind, and even as I sought the Lord in prayer, and with the input from my friends, especially Cindy, I really realise that there's more to me than what I think I know.

How often have random mindless comments from me struck a sensitive chord in people? How often have questions rendered from my own selfish need resulted in the reservation of people? As I think back, countless times, fuelled more so by recent happenings.

So who am I? Do I really have a pure heart, genuine intentions, and unconditional love for the people around me? Am I really happy? Or am I just thinking I'm happy, when in truth, I am not making decisions for myself? I really wonder. And...

Trust is so fragile. So so fragile. I always thought that I'd be able to honour trust, not abuse it, but similarly, I've failed. Not just once, mind you, but several times. And when it hurts those that I really love and care about, it just eats more at me. So much more. And then you're left with the option of wondering what can you do to regain that trust. The answer? There's no easy option. The reality? You may not even get it back though you try.

And then, what's left? Well, I've resolved to try, and to keep to my promise that I'll keep to the boundaries and to earn back the trust. Even if it doesn't work out, and I'm not able to be trusted again. But well, I'm really honest and sincere about it.. I don't know what I can do.. but I'll do what I can...

I hope you'll forgive me, and let me try again.

Dear Mandy,

Well... =)

"It is not day" Romeo Montague said to Juliet Capulet after they had spent their first, and sadly, last night together. "It is not day", Romeo proclaimed, though the sun was shining through the windows, and the rooster had cried dawn. "It is not day", Romeo insisted, though the Capulet guards were up and patrolling. "It is not day", Romeo pleaded, though he knew that his name was out on the streets, and he had been cast into exile. "It is not day", Romeo whispered, knowing that he had precious moments left with his wife, perhaps even the last moments.

"It is not day"
4 simple words, but used in a situation where it means so much. Where else could one bequeath such emotions? Where else could one possibly imagine that four simple words could encompass into it denial, love, desire, regret and perhaps, to a certain extent defiance?

"It is not day"
When simple moments are taken away.. when you see before you what you have lost... you want to proclaim "it is not day". You want to take back what was lost, you want to believe that perhaps, it really isn't day. That the sun that shines through the window in your face is really fake. That you really have a few more moments.. that you feel that... life shouldn't be this way.

"It is not day"
But soon enough, you have to realise... what has happened. And as the music gently fades away, pretty soon, all that's left is to pick yourself up, and walk away. Because it's no longer in your hands... it's in God's hands. Because you've done what you can... and whatever happens is now up to God.

"It is not day"
I believe that God can make things better if He wants to. Thus... I believe that "it is not day", because it really isn't the end of what God wants to do. Thus... perhaps we shouldn't say "it is not day", but instead... we should say "it is not time." Not our time, but God's time.

What will you choose to say?

"It is not time, God's time."

Dear Mandy..

It's been a while.. but I think it's been quite an incredulous learning journey. =)

Met up with some of my beloved 20th SC yesterday.. and my goodness, it was so good! Edrei, Joel Lee, Sara, Hui Zhi, Kristy mei... it was a good reminiscing of times past, and perhaps, for some, a new promise of  a new beginning. I've began to really cherish these moments a lot, because I realise that as we all gradually move on in life, we become increasingly busier, especially living in the Singapore context. But it's that one meet up, that cause us to step momentarily back to our more carefree days, being much of who we are. But we also realise how each of us have grown, matured, and even changed slightly. But this lovely clique of mine remain at large the same.. joking, merry and still close. I'm glad. =)

It really makes me think of my own Council days... that though JC was one of the toughest periods of my life thus far.. it was also one of the more memorable, if not the most memorable. Perhaps a bittersweet season.. but as I reflect about it, definitely more sweet than bitter. =)

 I do love my 20th SC Councillors.. =) 

Dear Mandy...

Just today, I was anchored back to the wonderful grace of how God works in our lives.

A lot of people know that I've been rather emotional of late, and well, that's the funny thing. I knew I had no reason to be emotional, and yet I was. I mean... life was going on smoothly, my friendships were intact and great, and I was still walking with the Lord. But WHY was I still emotional?

It took the whole of today to realise why, and make the move out of the emotional factor.

First in Quiet Time, the Lord showed me through Elijah, how his words testify that He is a man of God. Through this, the Lord affirmed me that what I have been doing and saying has shown that I am a faithful disciple of Christ. So this set hte tone for the day... God's affirmation.

Then, during prayer point worship, PS Bel gave 2 verses.. Hebrews 11:6 and Hebrews 12:1-3...

"Without faith, it is impossible to please God."
- Hebrews 11:6

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
-Hebrews 12:1-3

Well.. these two verses spoke strongly to me.. because I felt that it was a call to God to exercise my faith in Him, and to run with perseverance what He was planned for me, and to turn my eyes upon Jesus, so I will not grow weary and lose heart.

Then came service... where the songs were strong and spoke to me. Fel prayed for me, and it spoke. And the service by Pastor Caleb on overcoming our fears in the Lord, really spoke to me. Especially when Pastor Caleb started asking questions... I guess I let the tears come. I felt God comforting me, and in His presence, i felt safe... then Yuen Shun prayed for me, and so did Jin Hui.

After that... I cried on Jin Hui's shoulders, and it was quite bad I think. Wei Lin was so worried she came over, and I saw the looks on a few people's faces, and they were really shocked. PS Bel and PS Jim came over as well, and then began the biggg talk with PS Jim.

I realised through the talk with PS Jim, that subconsciously, I had lost my way with God in an area that I thought was pretty alright... I guess that in doing so, I had allowed the devil to grip my heart in that area, and turned myself into a bit of a nervous wreck, emotional, when there was really no need to.

My prayer thus became "Lord, grant me wisdom and peace to handle the situations that come my way." Because when we ask for wisdom, the Lord will give it.. and His peace will be our guide. And such, if we have these two, it is difficult for us to lose our way. It is truly by the grace of God that we can be saved, and that we can do right.

So, thank God for revelation and His divine intervention that really gets us walking right with Him. =)

Dear Mandy..

Well, it has been a very eventful birthday... and one that I really sense that the Lord is preparing me for something big that He has planned for me. Well, let me just recap... hahaha..

In total, SO MANY PEOPLE TAGGED ME ON FACEBOOK AND SMSED OR MSNED ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY THAT I FEEL SO BLESSED! Haha.. sorry for the caps, but it's really true... I realise how simple these actions may be, but how much it really means to the recipient, because of the heart and the effort to simply go over and tag or take up a phone and sms. It's really a wondrous blessing and gift to have and receive. To everyone who did so, my heartfelt thanks and gratitude for the effort that you've put in! =)

I had dinner with my family at “螃蟹之家", and we had black pepper crab... no picture to show cause I forgot to take. But it was nice. Haven't had such a big family dinner for some time, and though it started off late cause Dad got held up at work, and started off awkward, cause I was feeling tired and irritated... but by God's grace, things got better. While waiting for dinner, God led me to read Ephesians 3... Nothing much really got in at that time, but one thing that struck me was Paul asking "are you saved be faith or by law?" This would prepare me for what I was to read later at night.

Well... I've been blessed.. and I maintained my promise of cutting a cake on my birthday, and sis gave me a really expensive gift. Now I know what was in that bag. Hahaha.. But all in all... it went well... =)

Spent the night chatting on msn, and reading 2 more chapters of Max Lucado's "3:16- The numbers of hope", and the chapters were on the words "perish" and "believe". I guess I was led back to remember that God doesn't want us to do anything to attain eternal life.. He just wants us to believe in Him, and that's that. Of course, the next chapter on "perish" talks of how people just close their doors to the Lord when He comes knocking.. so they make it that choice. But one line really stood out for me... Max Lucado wrote "Even longing for God is a gift from God." That really got me thinking... if a longing for God is a gift, then... does that mean that God has condemned the rest who He didn't bless? But no! Max Lucado explains that God knocks on our doors.. in order to receive the fift from God, we must first be willing to accept God into our lives, and only then can we fully receive the grace and love of God.

I guess we all have a long way to go... but it all begins with my God! =) I believe He'll have a plan for me. =)

Dear Mandy..

Well... as the big 2-3 draws nearer, I've been really blessed! Everyone knows every year I try my best to be nonchalant as my birthday draws near, and if it's quietly celebrated, even better. I still remember last year when I successfully managed to bluff Joel and Isaac my birthday is in May. Haha... it was thwarted, surprisingly, and this year, the person who thwarted it last year, in some sense also thwarted my attempts this year. But this year was different I guess.

I've been praying about my birthday, as instigated by a few close friends, because of the pending exchange that is coming up in August. They all wanted me to have a proper celebration, but the me being the me kinda disagreed. To the words of those so dear "Go and pray and ask God what He says." Which upon duly charged, I couldn't really refute could I? So I went to the Lord in prayer.

And surprisingly, He wanted me to enjoy my birthday. He said, "Do not worry, my child. Don't fret about your birthday. Just trust that I am in control." So I did.

On Wednesday, ShuXin (Xiaoxin) came to NUS to play badminton, and asked if we could meet up for a while, which I was realy happy to do so. I rarely get to see ShuXin anyway, so I was looking forward to it. That silly girl made me walk from Arts Canteen to Engine Canteen, only to receive a birthday present and this big orange balloon which says "Happy Birthday" on one side and "Daniel is a happy boy" on the other side. Talk about having to walk around school with that BIG ORANGE BALLOON?!! And to make it funny.. the "meet up" with XiaoXin only lasted 7 minutes and she was gone. Hahaha... funny incident, but I felt blessed.

Had a project meeting, and completed some parts, and now it's rush rush rush for Soci of Tourism project... then went down to Parkway for cell.

So at cell we were waiting for people, and then suddenly, ice breaker. And the ice breaker was "Ask Daniel 23 questions" cause PS Jim said they wanted to celebrate my birthday. Haha.. I was bashful I guess.. I mean, it was totally unexpected. And the best part... I got a birthday PIZZA!! I mean seriously... a BIRTHDAY PIZZA! And if you're wondering... yes.. I prefer birthday pizzas to cake, unless it's a too die for cake, and it MUST be chocolate! Hahaha... and it was so sweet actually... because it was all thanks to a close friend, and she tipped them off when they asked about it. Honestly touched.

Then, they prayed for me!! So touched!! U-Jin, PS Bel, PS Jim and Wei Lin took turns to pray for me, and I feel so blessed... Hahaha.. my birthday isn't here yet, and already I feel so blessed.

Thanks everyone, for having made it a wonderful blessing... Thank you to Joel, Isaac, to the 24, to Shuxin.. and to Prisc! =) Haha.. God's blessings all to me! =)

Dear Mandy...

I changed the song on my blog to one that I really like... Well.. most of the songs on my Imeem I like, or are songs of the moment.. but these worship songs are those that I don't have.. and the lyrics for this song really speak to me. Especially the chorus:

"And I will run to You
To Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the Spirit of God
Yes I will run the race
Till I see Your face
Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace"
-"I will run to You" by Hillsongs

And I think that this is really apt. Since the G12 conference till now, I found myself being more and more sensitive to God, hearing Him, and I really love walking close to Him. Everything seems to be more bearable, and though there are times when I slip, or feel down, I find that praying to Him always helps, because I know and sense that He's really around me.

There're a lot of things that the Lord placed upon my heart ever since the G12 conference, and I hope that I have really grown from this experience, and am able to be more able to handle everything that comes my way... spending at least 45 mins in worship everyday, or rather, attempting to do so, really helps remind me that my help comes from God, and the need of not being complacent and forgetting to pray to God in keeping my heart a heart of flesh instead of a stoney one for His glory. Quiet time in the morning has been getting increasingly better.. I think I've got a lot to give thanks for! =)

Speaking of giving thanks.. I've come to realise in this season of "Love Your Neighbour", it's been pretty much about the little things, and the heart that count. Be it promising to keep someone in prayer and doing so, or going out of your way to help people... I believe that in time, these things are what really matter. Sure people will remember the one or two things that you did which is impactful to them, but more often than not, people actually remember the heart of the person more over the actions of the person. =)

More to come, and more to share.. till then, it's 4 project essays and 1 presentation to go... haha.. By the blood of Jesus, I will overcome! =)

Dear Mandy...

There are times when I wonder if thinking too much is detrimental to health.

My closest friends know that I tend to think too much.. that's why one of my salient points is to draw abstract links from things that seem too different to have similarities.. but I somehow manage to do so. Of course, the down side of thinking too much is that you start to dwelve into domains of that thread of thought that you shouldn't really think about; tackling issues that are not supposed to be tackled then, and then, getting yourself all emotional or worried about things that are not yet to come.

However, as with all skills, it can be properly harnessed, and I believe that with maturity and coming of age, you end up being able to use this particular skill better. I'm starting to see that indeed, I'm not as strong as I think I am, because there're always higher levels and there'll be new challenges that come along when you think you're ready. Your past experiences only prepare you to know that your adaptability is less tedious, but you still have that bit of adjusting to do.

As Pila says... God is with me.. He is Emmanuel. And as surely as He made the stars in the sky, I will trust in Him, because He has a plan to prosper me. =)