Dear Mandy...

I'm so touched by a testimonial I just received online...

"Friendship is never an accident. It is always the result of high intentions, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution. It represents the wise choice of many alternatives. This guy understood every bit of that and i am thankful to have such a fren... heez..=) Take care ya? Seeya soon!!!"
-Jasmine

It's awfully sweet and simple... yet touching and really really... it's one of my most favourite testimonials by far! Actually...it's easily one of my top 2 most favourite and most meaningful testimonials... Jasmine's and Kristy mei's... :) I'm awfully thankful for them... especially Jasmine's testimonial, cause I've hardly done anything much for her... So... thank you Jas... :)

On a separate note.. CNY is coming... wow... so fast... and then, and then... it'd be Valentine's Day! Haha... I guess it's going to be another lonely day. :)
I love me friends.

Dear Mandy...

I now understand why people are workaholics... I think I'll become one before time... When I'm out of the office, and someone calls me, and it's Army related, I can get all flustered, and wish I was back in the office with all my things around me... and well... it does stop me from thinking about a lot of other things... and I'm definitely more focused...

And yet, it is draining... I am very tired at the end of the day, and it is all I can do before I lie on the bed as one of the earliest people in the bunk to sleep... Haha.. so unlike me right? I find that no matter how many hours of sleep i get.. I'm not rested enough the next day to be fulling awake the entire day in the office... but I digress...

I find joy in going to NTU to find people... friends... haha... and It's nice... really... to be able to find someone non-army related... where for that 2 hours plus, you are just... you... even in Uniform... can u believe? I forget I'm in uniform when I was there! Haha... I almost reverted to myself if it wasn't for the fact that I'm green and the others are not! Haha..

Goshz... I'll end here... haha...

Dear Mandy...

I was in VJC all alone in the Council room when I came across our old SDD file... I sat down, and started flipping through the file, and suddenly, I felt transported back in time, to 2003/2004... to being an active VJC Councillor. And that feeling... that... adrenaline rush! That nostalgia... I almost broke down right there and then... as I thought back on every single event, every single activity that we'd been through together as Councillors of the 20th Students' Council.

It's so sad? That our Council all go our own separate ways... but I do believe... someday, we'll all be back together again... but never a full council. I believe strongly abou that... that someday... :)

Dear Mandy...

Isn't it funny how everything is actually ambiguous, but it all depends on personal opinion to make it seem not ambiguous? Haha... I mean, it's perfectly alright to take a side, but if you look at it, and be neutral about it, you realise that actually, you can see that the truth lies that it can go either way... for every one thing, there is an opposite... I remember Newton's laws of forces... For every force exerted there is an equal and opposite force... try using that in real life... :)

Well, I've been thinking and thinking a lot of late, whenever I am awake, alert and free... about lots and lots of things... and if you ask me... I have absolutely no idea why I'm thinking so much either! Haha... it's weird, but a sort of calm weird cause I'm thinking of things that are related to me.. that may make me a better person, that may make my life slightly better, but I digress. Haha...

I've never felt so miffed before... haha... two good juniors of mine who confirmed the movie of Elizabethtown on thurs, just cancelled it yesterday! So sad!! :( Haha... but nvm... things like this always happen. So, yep! I'm used to it!

I sent my mei off to NYU today, and it was such a huge party there... haha. But I'm sad to see her go.. she's been such a good friend.... :) Haha... I like talking to her... haha..

Alright... that's all for now... may write more later if I start contemplating even more things... haha... so yep. Later!

Dear Mandy...

I'm gradually settling in, but there are my bad days... haha. I mean, so far, I think that I'm doing enough to stay alive, but sometimes, it takes a huge toll on me. I can commit simple mistakes, but hey... I need to learn to be better, and I hope it's a hard way of learning!

Well, actually, I have nothing much to write... just felt like coming here to say what's on my mind. I really wish that there was more I could do... Oh well... I'll try. :)

Dear Mandy...

After some rest, and having sufficiently calmed down, I'm pretty sure that I'm stable now. Thanks to Kalyn, who gave me a huge wake up call yesterday, and my jie, LTA Yee San and Jasmine Chan... Haha... things aren't as bad as they seem... it's perhaps the fear of testing the unknown in the army that holds me back and makes me seem vulnerable. I guess that's probably the case. Thanks also to the people who care a lot for me and are willing to be there for me, I appreciate the gesture. :)

I think that what Shih wrote on her blog is kinda right... I believe I'm partly guilty of that as well... That's probably why I try to keep everything to myself.. haha... or rather, why I complain so much sometimes... Perhaps it's self pity, which isn't that good... Haha... the thoughts in my head are not coherent... neither are they forming logical sentences... My mind is a tad of mumbo jumbo now... :S

Dear Mandy...

Have you ever felt like you're in over your head and you are just bogged down by everything that has suddenly came to clamp you over your head? I'm suffering that now... or rather, everytime something happens. In my new role in 30 SCE, I'm suddenly having to really contemplate everything before I make a decision... the army seems like it's mostly about covering your own ass, which trust me, isn't the way I like it. I used to love being able to forge ahead with a new idea, testing the water, trying it out, which perhaps has rubbed off on me and resulted in myself being less meticulous, and which I think is a good thing with regards to my new job, making me more meticulous.

What I'm really upset about is that I can't seem to do anything right... and I'm getting very unhappy about that... I've committed mistake after mistake, and it's really something I need to curb... it's not that I'm not trying... I am... but sometimes, I just can't seem to get things right, no matter how I try... I'm weary, and tired, and there's so many things to do at one shot.... the last two days... on sat and sun... I slept a total of 10 plus hours excluding at night, because I just felt lethargic, and perhaps also a need to escape the harsh reality of life that has pressurised me into being a workaholic at a computer again... I don't want that! I look at my list of things to do, and I can sense sleepless nights and long hours once again!

It's really pretty lonely when you look at it through my eyes sometimes, and what makes me feel slightly better is the understanding that I get from my own batchmates and the people around me... those that are understanding, that is... It's something that I'm beginning to appreciate, no matter how small the gesture.

And the worst part of it all... I have nobody to talk to about it when I sometimes feel on the brink of breaking down... Apart from Zhiyuan... who understands me in camp, and Anhua, who accommodates my long, lamenting e-mails... but I really am afraid to approach others anymore... they're busy with their own lives, burdened by their own problems... what gives me the RIGHT to add on my troubles to their accumulating scale of stress? Add on the fact that everyone is slowly slipping away... it's another thing that I wish wasn't happening... you know?

Dear Mandy,

Well, initiation is over, and surprisingly, I had fun during field initiation, but i didn't quite like the night and the mess initiation... haha... how shall I put it? Night initiation was purely pointlessly tekkaning la... i mean, waking us up in the middle of the night at midnight to pump and scold us... makes no sense now... and mess initiation is just people asking stupid, redundant questions that we can only get right if we were to guess correctly and lady luck smiled upon us then...

Field initiation was fun because of a few reasons... everyone was crazily enthusiastic... even the Captain and the Lieutenant who joined us Xiao Xiong 30, 2LTs.. haha... covering ourselves with mud, being doused with iced water in push up position, doing SOC with FBO, leopard crawling approximately 100m, caservacing twice... then the STB, and the merlion part... everything was tiring, taxing, but fun and it really bonded us quite a fair bit...

On another note, I was kinda sad I couldn't go to the mass dancing at Suntec City... they played all 6 mass dances for the first time ever! And there was 19th and 20th there... so cool... a lot of them, in fact... and mass dancing! Gosh... how I wished so badly I could be there for that... I miss dancing with my council, I miss dancing with my seniors... and the fact that this is 22nd's O1... sigh... some senior I turned out to be right? Haha... though it's not my fault, but still... haha... oh well... :)

In any case... life now... though still feeling weird and foreign, is slowly showing the light behind the gray clouds. :)

Dear Mandy...

How does it feel when you know that you're on the way back for 4 days of pointless, harsh treatment, all for the sake of something called initiation? I've never liked initiation when it's just for the sake of it... I mean... do you really think that by making us run ragged, waking us up in the middle of the night for stupid things can make us feel more welcome in the Corps? I'd honestly like to see that... Will I feel an overwhelming sense of achievement at having survived the initiation? I mean... you're all rational people... why allow yourself to be stuck in the same vicious cycle over and over again?

I'm feeling lonely and perhaps accustomed to the new, really true quote I saw... "Command is lonely"... I guess OCS sort of rubbed off on me... yesterday's council gathering... I had lots of fun... but I could feel I was more reserved...

I remember Vee saying something about how she wants to cry, but she doesn't want to cry alone.. well... I'm afraid that's how I feel. I'm afraid, apprehensive... and yet I try to be strong. I know that this is something I have to overcome myself... being independent... that's how it's supposed to be, isn't it?

"Sometimes it feels no one understands...
I don't even know why I do the things I do.
When pride fills me up till I can't feel my soul,
will you break down these walls and hold me through?"
- Corrinne May: "Journey"

I'll try to be optimistic.

Dear Mandy,

Daniel, your love personality type is ISFP

About 5% of the U.S. population possesses the combination of traits that make up this personality type.Being an ISFP means that you're the kind of person who can usually be counted on. More than most people, your integrity seems to be of central importance to you. This fact bodes well for those around you. It means you tend to say what you mean, keep your promises, and walk your talk. There's very little empty chatter when you're around. Another way you show you can be counted on is by being sensitive to others. You usually know just the right thing to do to make someone feel valued in your life. Although you're not the kind who's big on intense emotional confessions or displays, your feelings run deep. One way you're able to show your true emotions is by being faithful. In relationships, you'll usually try hard to make things work. Unlike some, you're not likely to freak out when there's a bump in the road. This is probably just another aspect of your patience and ability to stay on task.

Dear Mandy...

I had a long online conversation with Shih yesterday, and I realise how much I really respect and love this wonderful friend of mine whom I treat as my sister... honest... I realised that for where I'm not good enough, Shih is the person I look at for inspiration and advice... and most of the time, when I look at the pple who are online... I know that she'll be the first person I'll turn to when I just want someone to talk to... don't know if you'll read this Shih, but I hope I can be that someone for you when you're unhappy too...

It's going to be a new year now... in 2 hours... and as I look back on 2005, I realise that all the hell I've been through in NS only served to make me see who are my real, true friends, and who are the people that I can do without in the Army... I've found reliable and dependable friends, strong friendships... and I've also met people who are not that impactful in my life, and are people I will most prob not remember once I ORD... but that's life.

I value friends who care for me a lot now. And for my dearest friends who happen to be overseas (Actually it's only Kristy and Anhua), you people are always dear to me for you've done so much! And there's the council, esp Rachel, Sanjay, Joel Hui Zhi, Hui Yi, Sara and Sanjee... the people who've been there for me when I needed someone... and to Venle and Tryph and Maggie for cheering me up, and to Sanjiv, Abby, Harminder, Jacqueline Seng, Jacqueline Tang, David, Edrei, Samson, and to a lot of other people who've been there for me and encouraging me along the way...

2006 I hope will be a good year for everyone... because you are all sweet and lovely and special in your own way...

Dear Mandy...

Life in 30 SCE? Well, I dunno how to put it. On one hand, I don't really like the place, and yet, perhaps it's because I'm unable to throw away the cadet mentality, I fear talking to higher authorities, I'm afraid of doing certain things. Sigh... add on the fact I have 2 e mail mistakes to the higher authorities and gotten so called scolded, things haven't been to a good start, but I believe I'll learn.

I went out with Jay, Jiv and Joel this Monday, 261206, and we had a blast! Apart from the twins coming for basketball 2 hours late, we went for lunch, then bowling, then Joel's house for badminton! I enjoyed it a lot a lot... it made me miss the close friends and the "no barrier" notion I shared with many people back in VJC, which, sadly, I don't anymore. There're more and more unseen barriers, more and more restrictions... I don't know. We're drifting, some of us, and it honestly isn't nice...

I used to be able to look at my hp and when I'm sad, I can just easily call up someone or sms someone and just chat. I can't do that anymore. I seem to rely on myself one time to often, and I hope it'll be of some good eventually... cause the feeling sometimes really isn't what it seems to be. But of course, as a result, I am stronger, and can handle more stress... so all in all, it is a pretty good thing after all.

Lastly... I miss u people... though I have nothing much to say to you all when we meet, I still love u all... :)

Hey Mandy...

Merry Christmas 2005... to one and all this year... This year has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions and events this year... and it has been a year of learning as well as of revelations... I don't think it's necessary to recap everything that has gone by... What's bygone is bygone... But I guess I'll talk a bit of it.

I learnt that even if you put in lots and lots of effort into a relationship, it doesn't mean it will work out eventually... I learnt that if you put in effort into your work, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's the best piece u can ever do. I learnt that friendship is not necessarily the most important thing in the world... I learnt to stay neutral in my priorities... There's a lot I've learnt... but this year... I guess what's the most important lesson I've learnt is that it doesn't pay to be overly nice to some people, but it's alright to be nice... and especially to the few people whom I shower so much affection on these few weeks... :) I guess u know u r special to me... :)

Revelations? Haha... a lot... I make a better friend than a lover, I may not always know everything, but I try to learn... I'm overly nice... I'm childish but I harbour mature thinkings that I don't like to share... I am very VJ-oriented... I think too much... and a lot more, but these are the more major ones I've been going through in my mind... haha...

I realise that I've shut myself out from a lot of people... as in... I used to talk a lot abt personal stuff? But now... apart from a few people, I don't anymore... haha... perhaps that's why I find that I can't click with certain people anymore, why I don't talk as much, why I always talk on the same topics, why I leave early sometimes. That's today's new finding... we learn new things every day...

These days, I've been watching the old Korea serial "Popcorn" and I really like the girl! Kim Kyu Ree acts as Xian Xiu... and she's someone independent, yet caring and kind and sweet... She's also someone who takes pride in her work, easily being the best employee of her company, who does weddings for people... you know... the photo taking, the walking down the aisle... stuff like that... but she's terminally ill, and she also takes care of her brother who's wheelchair bound... and she meet this guy... Ying Xun, who falls for her and hard... the whole series shows really romantic moments... like how she says that if you find a conch shell and say I love you into it and mean it, the person who u give it to, and is the one you love, will be able to hear it. And the next day, early morning, he went to find a conch shell for her... or how they both plan a wedding for free for a couple who're deaf and dumb! Or how about when he's had a very bad argument with his elder brother, and he leaves a msg on her phone, saying he's going crazy and he doesn't know why, but he just has to see her? Only thing is she leaves her phone on the car... and she leave him a msg saying she'll be at his house, only thing his brother spolit his phone. So he waits at her house, and she waits at his house and they don't leave until it's late, and they leave at about the same time. The next morning, when she gets her phone and hears the msg, she rushes straight to his house. And he, on his way to work, sees her, then turns his motorcycle around and rushes to his house. When they meet, he's upset... and says "Why when I need to see you, I never seem to be able to find you? Why is it so difficult to just see even one glance at you?" And she goes "Why don't you ever tell me anything? I want to know everything about you, why do you shut me out?" And after that, they have a heart to heart chat... it's a simple moment, yet sweet.

And then I watched Final Fantasy, the movie... I'm definitely in a sappy, romantic mood... haha.... Dr. Aki Ross rocks! Haha... she shares similar traits as Xian Xiu... haha... enough said... I still have Before Sunset to pursue...haha...

There's a lot of things that I wish I knew, I wish I had, I wish I could.. but I also know that there's no way I can achieve things that are out of my reach, no matter how i try. And... there's no way of achieving somethings that I wish i could either... who am I to judge? I'm not... haha...

Alright, it's a lot for one entry already.... take care Mandy. And Merry Christmas again.

Dear Mandy....

Have you ever had the feeling that sometimes, no matter how you try to make things seem ok, u know they never will? Haha... I get that feeling a lot of late... and it scares me sometimes, to know that I may be attempting the impossible, and yet, I still do it. Why? Because I have to? I don't know.. haha... I don't even know myself as well as I think i should... perhaps it's because I've put up too many facades that I myself have neglected the fact that I should take care of myself as well...

I tried all those quizzes off Vee's blog, and well, haha... they more or less reflect the same thing sometimes... about well, me and the way I treat people. Oh, please don't get me wrong, there's nothing I don't like about being nice to my friends and doing things for them... I just wish there was more I could do... I know it's really wishful thinking... how much of my true self have I shown to the people I live with day in day out? And how much do people appreciate me? I dunno... am I trustworthy to them? And how do I know if I'm doing too much? These questions keep running through my head these days... ever since so many people came to my Commissioning parade, ever since that moment that I started talking to some people...

You may be wondering why... well... I'm so touched so many people make the effort to come down, and yet I feel bad that I can't chat with them as much as I'd like to... and I feel so thankful for their friendship... but... but... is what I'm doing enough? I really wish I knew... There're so many restrictions that I can't seem to evade... why?! And... nvm... this is a private thought...

I know there're no definite answers to these questions... but till then, I'd like to see how much I can do for people... in special case a few people that I just feel a need to do more for.... who they are? That's for me to know, and u to find out... :)

In any case, I love u all still.

Your element is Light. Your heart is pure and
shining with love. You believe in the goodness
of those around you and give almost everyone a
smile. You are not the kind to hide your
happiness and tend to smile all day long, both
in and out. But when sadness hits you, you
become very devastated and may be upset for
quite some time. What you need in your life is
friends, friends who will love you
unconditionally, like you love them. But you
have a naive nature and don't always notice
when someone is trying to hurt you. Some would
say you are oblivious to mean people, which
makes you an easy target. However, your true
friends will probably be there for you and save
you. In school you are either the popular one
or the little weird one. It all depends if
"the higher people" find your caring
side irritating or not. Nevertheless, you have
a bubbly personality and are social. Big partys
may not be your thing since you want bonding
time with your friends, so slumber-partys fit
you more. You like the happy things in life and
like everyone else to be as happy as you are.
Rate and message!

What is your element? [with pics + detailed answeres]
brought to you by

Your element is Light: Innocent, beautiful,
kind-hearted and pure. You are so sweet your
almost angelic! You find joy in others
happiness and cannot stand to see anyone in
pain. You want to make everyone around you feel
good about themselves and if someone is upset
you can tend to become rather upset as well
which means you are sympathetic and raise
others above yourself. Being as kind and
good-natured as you are people have most likely
hurt you in the past but you pick yourself up
every time. You may look fragile but you are
stronger then most tend to see. Life is
beautiful no matter how you look at it and you
understand that people make mistakes. Not
everyone is perfect. You try to see the good in
the bad which is a talent few posses. Dont ever
let anyone change you. You truly have a
beautiful soul inside and a heart of gold.

.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by

Do u think these two represent me?

~Guardian Angel~
A protecter. A fighter. A defender. You will do
anything to protect the ones you care about.
You wll even self sacrafice yourself for them.
You think they deserve more than you, and you
think its your duty to protect them, in anyway
you can.
A guardian, will help,
physically and also emotionaly, But they will
also protect themselves.
Weapon:Sword
"I will die to protect, to know that.. i
have done this for those i care about"

What is the angel form of your spirit?
brought to you by

Dear Mandy...

I've commissioned... it's true.. but... well.. I'm happy, yes, but also apprehensive about the new responsibilities that have been placed upon my shoulders. I want to be a good PC, but I'm pretty much new to this thing... I guess it's a normal thing to be apprehensive...

One thing I'm glad about... SO MANY PEOPLE FROM VJC WERE AT THE COMMISSIONING PARADE!!! That was so memorable? And like... wow.... haha... I'm so touched by the spirit of VJC people manz... haha... Thank YOU to Nat, Siva, Sanjay, Sanjiv, Amalina, Moses, Tiffany, Joel Lee, Sara, Hui Zhi, Joanna, Priya, Edrei, Sangeeta, Sanjeewa, Jason, Amy and Hui Yi.... u people made my commissioning much more memorable... and also to Katrina, Jac Tang, and the WOCCs for their words as well... :)

Well... that's all for now...

Dear Mandy...

I've successfully completed my EOCC term, and come Monday, I'll be returning to OCS for the final 3 weeks of my term as an Officer Cadet of the SAF. I should be extremely happy and overjoyed, but the truth is, I'm just normal happy, not like, crazily excited...

I've changed, it's true. I went for my platoon interview with my instructor... and after telling him some stuff, he told me somethings... I've become more mature now, and I know a lot about leadership. I see, observe and I understand. But until I've tried out what I understand can I really experience, and well... I can link activities to purpose... I found what he said very true... and I guess it's my fault that I didn't make it to the top 20 names... cause I lost it when I didn't appreciate and hold tight to the opportunity given to me to shine... I'm okay with that I guess? Haha... I'm glad I commission.

But with all that relief and gladness, I know that I'm not as competent as what an Engineer Officer should be, but I believe that life is a learning journey. Where I'm not as proficient, I should aim to improve. Areas where I'm proficient, I should maintain and wherever possible, I should improve on them too. I like the way I place my friends above me. I like the way that I make an effort to do things for them... it's a nice, warm feeling when they reciprocate the help with just a simple thanks and a smile... That's my simple contentment in life I guess??

I make a better friend than a lover. I believe that's very true now... I've seen so much in the last 5 months as an Engineer Officer Cadet... and I know now, I'm not entirely ready to be in a relationship... I love being able to help my friends, and I'm not that able to balance my friends with whoever becomes my steady. It's funny.. but true. And well... I don't know fully how things will work out? Because I find myself putting in lots of effort into each relationship I've been, but somehow, they just don't work out. Sigh... haha... I'll let things go naturally... yeahz... but I guess I need to know what I'm lacking as a steady... Big and huge point to improve on.

I'm more a giver than a taker, but the contrast between the two have sort of diminished cause of the Army. I need to take sometimes to be able to justify my stand, cause after all, a leader in the Army requires that... Trust in people... I don't know... doesn't seem to have changed much. Still as trusting as ever... and well... I can safely say that I'm quite content with life at the present, though not always true in the Army.

To Anhua... thank you for always attempting to keep in contact with me... I really appreciate it. I really miss you... things here seem to be a bit different without you around. There's lots of things I wish I could share with you, but I'll adjust. :)

That's all for now... take care, Mandy.

Dear Mandy...

I'm back from Crescendo, and I believe that my perspectives on things have changed. I saw many things I didn't agree on, learnt a lot and experienced a fair bit in my training stint there... in both Beaver Venture and the assessment exercises.

I learnt that it's not wise to be overly acommodating in the army. This is not VJC... I do not have a warm and caring family called 20th, I do not have friendly and lovely juniors, I do not have accepting and gentle friends to push me forwards. I am on my own. And I know this: I can still be the same caring, open and fatherly person as a friend, but I cannot be the "junior-first" and personal development priority leader. I can only be a commander. I cannot always lead. It's hard to explain this revelation, but I find it very true.

What i believe for in leadership, I guess it's not applicable here... I'm saddened greatly by that fact. It's because I see a relatively screwed up way of leadership by the higher authorities, I see people who blatantly criticise without accepting the reasons given... I see people who take responsibility and abuse it. I see people who refuse to accept they are wrong. And I see people who are not who they claim themselves to be. It's a startling sight, a sad one in truth, and I found myself thinking again and again... is this really the kind of life I really want to live? I guess not...

I became more violent, and more protective of my friends when they are criticised by people who think they know a lot but in truth know little. I became more isolated as I felt better off doing things myself as I know that if anything goes wrong, I don't have to answer to anyone but myself, and if I do so, I won't be bothered by people who use authority to walk over me. I kept everything bottled up somewhere inside, but of late, i explode one time too many. 20th and 21st should know that I try my best not to explode... but do the people in camp know that? Not all.

I can't deny I still have good friends in camp whom I tell lots of things to and we share thoughts easily. Zhiyuan, Timothy, Samuel are my confidantes in there, and there's of course YY. And in Crescendo, they specs that I got close to, Ming Jun and kenneth, and there's also Ben and Edmund. So technically, I'm not alone, but in truth? I still feel lonely in there... Haha... so much for being DTM... I'm probable DTL sometimes. :)

So there's my Crescendo take... please do not tell this around... I don't want people who're not close to me in camp to find out abt this... I can keep up my sanity for a month more, I'm sure of that... do me this favour... k?

Dear Mandy...
Ok, so I leave for Crescendo, Thailand this week... am I prepared? I dunno... i can safely say I'm somewhat prepared, but I'm definitely not as confident as I know I should be... perhaps it's because everything is still so ambiguous... or maybe it's because if we fail the mission as appointment holders, we are under the Out of course list... or maybe it's because it's the first time we're working with specialists... I have no idea... Haha... but I believe Crescendo will test me physically and mentally... and I will try my best.

I guess? Personally, I hope Crescendo will give me some of my confidence as an appointment holder (if i get one) back. But my main objective for Crescendo is to do my best, and to help anybody who needs it in my platoon to let them commission... I really don't wish for anybody to be out of course. Especially when some of them are close and capable friends of mine.

I dunno.... recently, my temper and patience is awfully low in camp, but awfully high out of camp. Is it because I'm tired of being someone I'm not? Of having to accept and take a lot of things? I dunno... this week we had rehearsals for the Engineer Training Institute's assumption of command parade, and I'm like in the middle row and also the timer la... and then... I was selected by the sergeant to be the I/C for the last day, also the day of the parade... I was supposed to get the contingent to form up at the form up point by 1115hrs... and by 1114, we were still at the rest point, so i got the contingent to run to the form up point, just to see the instructors are not there, and so I got them to sit down. It spawned so many spiteful remarks from the specialists, and some of the EOCC.... it cut. Things like that... I dunno. I try, and sometimes, things get to me... but thanks to good friends who give me constructive advice. I appreciate it.

I miss 20th, Anhua and other good friends. Spent this week catching up with 3 friends... Maggie, Tryphena and Chiew Mei. It felt... awfully good. Haha... will catch up with u all in due time. Till then, do hold on...

Luv u all lots.

Dear Mandy...

Haha... how shall I begin? I feel like a lost soul floating around in nowhere land... haha... I guess I'll start with the simple things, shall I?

EXERCISE CRESCENDO shall begin somewhere come next week, when we fly on the 31st October 2005. From there on, it's total mission mode, as the moment we touch down in Kanchanaburi, it's no joke, all operationally ready. And this time, we're going along with the Corporals, the specialists to be... it should be fun, and I hope that we can all work together to make Crescendo a fun and memorable experience.

But on a more personal note, I know that I'm not mentally ready for Crescendo. I've been brought through such an emotional roller coaster that I myself don't even want to expect anything anymore... just take it if it comes. I mean, I believed that I'd get an admin appointment in Crescendo, cause after I was stripped from CWC, I've never been given anything more than sect comd and sect 2 IC, and the best was CSM in EXERCISE UNICORN... but I'm not getting any admin appointment in Crescendo. Suddenly thinking if getting stripped of my appointment meant that I'll be black marked for life, or if I've done something wrong in the previous exercises and days that made me not selected, but perhaps I'm thinking too much. What's important is the field appointment, which I should be getting (if not, I'll really be ready to cry), and I'll just do my best.

I'm really quite glad that there are people who appreciate me and accommodate me, but I myself learn that not everyone's like that. Being in SOCE and the Army has definitely made me more vulgar (something that all of us are trying to curb), more tired, less patient, less tolerant... yeahz... I dunno... it also seems like we've been punished, scolded, and endured through so much shit and sweat and toil that we've adopted a heck care, just do it attitude... it's quite sad, actually... cause it made me think back about the council... and how we were actually happy doing all these crazy crazy things. Those days are over for now... and though army does make me morph into someone who reflects a lot on my actions and behaviours cause I'm constantly contradicted and unhappy, but I know that it at least makes me more appreciative of the world outside.

What makes me happy is time spent in VJC every weekend or book-out. I feel so much happier in that place... Studying, chatting with the normal few I've grown so close to... Ngee Leng, Yeowmay, Jing-YI, Santosh, Sumitra, Audrey, and my angel, Min Xuan. I am thankful for this group of juniors who accept me as part of their circle of friends.

20th... u guys are great... haha... Sanjay has been so encouraging, Samuel is me buddy in SOCE (unofficially), and Jellie is well, jellie! Haha... and to the XXth crew who miss everyone else... cheer up... things will be better... once the holidays come, I'll try to organise something... yepz... maybe a BBQ in VJC again, like the one we did for out Council Camp! Haha.. till then, take heart, keep the faith, and love u pple always.

Dear Mandy...

To put it simply... I'm drained. Haha... yeahz... I dunno, I seem to have lost my zest and my will to carry on despite whatever happens to me... haha... I dunno... it was to the extent I felt there was no point carrying on with things the way they are at the present moment.

Today is the first real book out I've had for the past 2 weeks... I never thought I'd see the day... cause had range the last 2 days in which I did really badly and even suffered a major loss of confidence before I told myself to heck it, and just do what I can... haha... total bobo shooter I tell u... haha...

EX UNICORN, the local summary exercise ended just the previous week over the weekend, and what an exercise. I found myself banging pickets and pulling concertina wire and literally falling asleep while hitting pickets, to the extent I almost fell into the con wire... scary... cause we worked from like 8pm non stop until abt 3 am before we got out PPO and set out for live mine arming... u can imagine how tired we all were... and imagine that if I, the ever crazy energizer battery of 20th SC can end up like that... i guess it speaks volumes...

Gosh... I missed VJC openhouse... first time in 4 years... goodness... I was extremely upset... but well, I'm glad I have good friends in SOCE... Timothy, Samuel, ZhiYuan, Ying Yi, Jing Xin and Maureen and EC... haha... nice pple, all of them... I think i successfully formed a VJC foursome in Samuel, me, Timothy and Zhiyuan. I guess I'll never leave VJ... :)

Everyone's no longer attempting to keep in touch... haha... though Siva started something, and I'm attempting to stay in contact with me bez friend from VJC, Anhua, and Kristy K and Gracie thru e-mail...but locally? I shan't comment. I try... or rather, I attempt to do so... and haha... it led me to Meng Siong! Haha... it's at these times u see who really bothers to stay in touch... sometimes...it's the simple things that show a lot.

To me friends... I luv u all in me own special way. :) Don't forget me.

Dear Mandy...

This week hasn't been good at all... what with landmine field camp... almost losing a mine... it was a really tiring week... sighz... but in any case, everything went ok in the end, and if anything, i think we bonded more, which is good, but it affects my judgment on myself, and I keep thinking I'm going to OOC... I don't know how well I'm doing, and for sure, I don't know what they're looking for... but I do know that everything is not right... feels not right... I dunno.

What is true is true i guess? Life's like that... I miss my friends... those that I were v v close to... now... everyone's in their own lives now, moving on in separate paths... and slowly, we're drifting apart. I feel so mucu for intra council now... days when we would meet up. I'm sorry... haha... I'm being sentimental.

Dear Mandy...
I'm weary. Yeah... and it's honestly weird... cause I never thought I'd say that... Now that everyone's back... Bridging, CBRE... it's a whole new world... haha... It has been requiring a lot more of patience, of tolerance, of being more accommodating and greater friendly competition, coupled with an increasingly fast training program which is driving me nuts...

I need to be able to be my old crazy, helpful and ever ready self once again... the guy who can chiong and not get tired until it's all over... but it's becomes increasingly hard to do so... lack of sleep and a weary mind takes it's toll i guess... and i can't help it. I also realised so many flaws about myself, and I guess I need to change myself slowly, but surely...

To the person whom I have done wrong to, I'm so sorry... I'll work doubly hard to earn back your trust again... thank you for being understanding.

Take care pple...

Dear Mandy...
Well... what a WEEK! It's been one full of revelations and stress and physical activities, that many a time, I feel myself overwhelmed and on the verge of just breaking down and giving up, despite the holidays... what makes this revelation much worse is the fact that it's not going to be the end. It's only the beginning after I found out I was appointed as CWC... sigh... I dunno... I just need to be strong... really strong, and do my best. It's not easy... already got s****** big time on my 1st day of appointment, but that's the way SOCE CTW runs, and that's the way we learn fast and are able to endure through intense stress...

Throughout this week, I realised that perhaps I'm really too naive... I found out so many things... things like how when people embark on a new world, find new friends, they neglect the old ones unless they mean a lot to them or there just so happens to be a meeting or gathering of some sort, and then they update each other on what has happened on their lives. I feel uncomfortable finding people to confide in, and to just talk to... Forget the fact that I'm in army, but the main thing is, people I used to be so comfortable just approaching them suddenly to me, it becomes an arduous task. Be it councillors or other people, it just feels that way. Soon, people are going to be leaving S'pore, and I now know that in some funny sense? I'll soon be forgotten, and my footprint in the sand will just be washed away just like any other impression.

Everyone's busy with their own lives now, and it gets harder and harder to stay in contact. I've been living in my own world far far too long, in that tight circle of innocence and naivity... but my bubble burst, and now I see the harsh realities of the modern world. In truth? It sucks. But if that's the way life is going to be, then rest assured I'll become like that. Been hurt one time too many and I so agree with people that I'm too nice... but that's the way I am, and I'll stay that way. Detect the irony? Haha... I'll still be the same, nice guy who everyone can turn to for help and a listening ear... just don't expect me to be overly dependent on u pple anymore k... I'll be strong, independent, and no longer that dependent and whiney guy. Someone made me see that, and I will be just that.

But I also know that there are true friends who honestly care for me... Abby and Gwen. Gwen is the surprise mei... haha...who just out of the blue surprises me that she cares for me. Haha... and Abby... my best friend from the start... thank you... And there's always the 21st SC! Especially Santosh, Jing-Yi, Yulan and my angel! Mini!! :) THanks u all...

Nil Sine Labore

Dear Mandy...
Just a song that has caught me since I heard it, here it is... It's a really meaningful song, yet it's kinda off in some funny sense... haha... but I do like the song for it's meaning and it's tune... To me friends, if you ever really need someone, you know that I'll be around.

AROUND THE CORNER OF YOUR EYE- A Teens

If you knew how many nights
I've been sleeping by your bed
Running fingers through your hair while you're asleep
Everytime I call your name
Something whisper in your ear
Turn around to look for me and no one's there

Wherever you are, wherever you go
I'll be around
I'll be around, just want you to know
just want you to know

If you;'re lost without me
Wondering where I might be
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
Like an engel watching
Need me when you're dreaming
i'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye

I can be your pot of gold
Everything you're wishing for
Do you really wanna find the rainbows there
Let me know and I'll come true
I will give my all to you
Don't let anyone take your dream away

Wherever you are, wherever you go
I'll be around
I'll be around, just want you to know
Just want you to know

If you're lost without me,
Wondering where I might be
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
Like an angel watching
Need me when you're dreaming
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye

There's a song playing
And every heart feels it
If you peek at almost every door
There's a time for knowing
What's behind the curtain
And it's all you're wishing for
All you're wishing for

If you're lost without me
Wondering where I might be
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye
like an angel watching
Need me when you're dreaming
I'll be waiting just around the corner of your eye

Dear Mandy...

College day was yesterday, and I am still in the happy and joyous mood of reminiscing about yesterday... I was already hyper once I entered the college... I was really looking forward to the event happening... and it was true...

I saw so many people... Chiew Mei, Huifen, Amy, Kaval,Hwee Han, Tryphena, Karen, XuWen, and the 21st Council... and also the people that I saw but never spoke to... Kristy P, Anhua, and some members of the 22nd Council... But I myself was shocked at the fact that there were only 4 awards for Council this year... Siva, Zhe Bin, Jacob and me... Hui Yi didn't receive it... neither did Kaval or Edrei or Deepak... and I was really shocked and unhappy... I didn't think that I deserve it in the end... There are Councillors from 20th that deserve it much more than I did... sigh... I don't know... but if I could change that fact, then I guess I would.

Mini, Kandy, Yulan, Jing-Yi, Santosh, Zhiren, Jaclyn, Kelvin, Hian Chuan and Audrey were the 21st Councillors that I saw and spoke to yesterday... especially Mini, Kandy, Yulan and Jing-Yi... haha... Really miss these people, who've accepted me as part of them despite me being their senior in truth... Dunno la... but I miss the cohesion and the unity that Councillors always have... and of course, the 22nd... There was the hyperacive Vernie, the two runners, Charlene, the person I always bully, Alvin the president, JAsmine, Atiqah and the other exco members... they should do well in the months to come... :)

Memories are but secrets kept in your heart to be remembered forever and ever.. and well, I know that I will. I'm a Victorian, through and through... I won't forget that.

dear Mandy...

Meet the 20th students' council of VJC... I'm currently on a nights off from camp, but I know that with this nights off, I'll be in for tons more unhappiness, so I'm wondering whyz. Nvm.. let me say why I've placed this picture up here first.

I miss them. The 20th SC of VJC... and as I'm sitting here, typing this entry on the day before my college day, I realise so many things that I have never let myself come to terms with... and yet, I know deep down inside, I don't regret a part of anything that has happened come thus far. From being a nominee all the way to stepping down... every single memory comes back so vividly to me... Be it mass dancing to the wee hours of the night, to choreographing dances every sunday, to shifting chairs in the hall, painting banners and match support... they all form the 20th's history and our legacy, which I dutifully claim to be one of the best VJC has ever seen...

Our council consists of 37 people... 14 guys and 23 girls... it ended up being a balanced mix in the end... with really good cohesive bonds between most of us. Sure we have our ups and downs, and our tears and laughter, but one thing I'm happy about is how we all eventually rally around each other... in some way or another. Of these people who mostly became my immediate family, I'm glad to say that I left with a bunch of really good friends, and some of them I have grown to cherish as personal confidantes and in my circle of closest friends. My beliefs have changed since I last remember, but I still cherish my friends all the same, though they are no longer the epitome of my life, as how I valued friendship as the epitome of my life in VJC, VS and Rosyth.

We rock as a council, painting perhaps some of the most extravagant banners ever seen in the history of VJC... There's "l'arc en ciel" our openhouse banner, our SDD banner- castle in the sky, and our council banner, as shown above... they're all a pride and joy for me... when u see the amount of days and effort we placed into the painting, and all the fun and laughter we share each time, you can't help but miss the strong atmosphere of love and joy as you think back on those paint splattered moments and the sense of pride as a plain piece of cloth becomes a miraculous wonderous work of art.

To my treasured Councillors... I love every single one of you in my own special way... You've all been a council that I am proud to say I have had the honour of being in, and we have done what we set out to achieve. We may not have done all that we could, but at the very least, we know we tried, and we made a turning point in VJC SC's history. We're all going on to our separate paths soon, and as the sun slowly begins to set upon our ending paragraphs of our chapter as 20th, I do hope we'll carry on and keep in contact, meeting when we can, going for Intra-Council together, and maybe even a repeat Council trip overseas. Till then, do take care...

These are my words to some councillors who've played integral roles in my life...
Siva: thanks for being the president that you are and my buddy throughout this term. Keep striving, keep going for your dream, doctor. Won't forget u..
Sanjay: My MRS... the enthu brother who never fails to be encouraging... hang in there and carry on being ur hardworking self alwayz...
Sanjee: My classmate who became such a good friend in the closing days... he's one cool dude!
Samuel: My SOCE buddy! haha... we'll pull through together, i hope!
Joel and Sara: My tiddledinks royal family... haha... :)
Jason: From Sierra wing throughout? u rock!
Amy: Er jie!!!! Since P5!! haha... long friendship here that I'm glad to have.
Deepak and Edrei: My fellow Co heads... what can I say? We argue and complain, but we still are united just the same!

KrisP: My dance partner... enuff said.
Gracie: My ever friendly and cheerful Gracie... stay happy k?
Jenna: My classmate who's been with me through thick and thin in class and out of it! haha!
Dominique: TWINNIE DARLING! My ECO vice-head who became my twin cause we see eye to eye on situations. Hahaha...
HZ: My 55 bus partner and my SDD dance partner and someone who's sees the best in me. Thank you.
Li Juan: the most hardworking councillor i know... :)
Kristy Koh: My mei... our friendship has seen the most arduous mountains, but the fact that we pulled through and became close friends says a lot about this mei of mine... :) Keep in touch after u fly.
Hui Yi: I affectionately call this mei Xiao Yi... but she's by far one of the most meticulous secretaries I have ever seen, and she has this ability to carry burdens more heavy than her own weight, and still go on strong... :) Hope that u are happy mei...
Rachel: Perhaps the councillor that I'm the closest to now... keep shining and keep on smiling... you'll do fine in the years to come, my dear friend.


Now... on to perhaps the most important friend to me, who has made a huge influence on me in VJC and after... She's been my pillar of strength when I was at my utmost low as a Councillor, and she has this amazing strength about her that I never fail to be impressed of. She's Chen Anhua, and my best friend to me in VJC. Though soon we'll be continents apart, I do wish this really good friend of mine all the best... hope our friendship never ends...

That ends my VJC reminiscing... haha... I miss everyone, and everything... do do do be happy everyone... and don't forget me, for I know I won't forget you. I promise.

Dear Mandy...

Yes, I'm back from Brunei, and it's official now... I'm back to being a single person... Yingz and I have broken up in an amicable way... We both agreed to remain as good friends, and perhaps it's better for the both of us to concentrate on our individual paths. In some weird sense, being in the army has made me more towards a guy playing solitaire sometimes... So I guess that was what made me a different person to some extent... To Yingz, all the best in your future endeavours.

I'm weary and tired, thanks to SOCE, thanks to running about all day, and I still have yet to start my running regime and my SOC training during book out... I have to start soon... I realised that I'm starting to develop that feeling of wanting to be an officer now. I want to commission... and I know I'll be in for tough training, but I have to try my best.

I went back for VJC VIP openhouse today, and 22nd is really quitean interesting council. They operate somewhat differently in feeling from 20th and 21st, but they're quite a lively lot... got a lot of unpolished areas though, but i think that they may be a raw diamond waiting for treatment. 21st on the other hand, have accomplished yet another term of council life, and I know that they're a good council, and have bright futures ahead. Keep rocking 21st.

20th is still there too. :)

Dear Mandy...

I hate army... serious... these last 4 days of block leave have passed by so quickly, I don't even know what I've done! And suddenly, I'm about... five hours away from going to Brunei for a jungle orientation course... and I seriously am not looking forward to starting the 5 mths of training for pro term. It's another set of obstacles and stress... and to be honest, I really wish I was going to start university instead of heading back into camp for 1.5 years more of regimentation and immense stress... personally, I don't understand why I'm feeling so unhappy everytime i have to book in, and why I'm depressed each time I do book in... oh, i dunno... I just wish I knew why... I used to be optimistic even in the most saddest of situations... but now... I just hate the sight of that green uniform, hate the feeling of being stuck in camp, hate the fact that I'm still having to be assessed on stuff.... and well... life isn't easy, that I've known... but sometimes I just want to be able to take a really long vacation... just to refind the me that I've lost somehow... It just feels like... some sort of never ending camp which gets worse along the way...

Perhaps I just need someone to lean on, once in a while... ever since Yingz and I went on timeout and I entered my isolation state and everything, picking myself up myself... I remember back in JC... my grades were always so bad... and yet i still managed to pick myself up and move on. Then I had the support of all the study grp pple, Council, Anhua and Yingz... but now... all of us have our own paths to focus on, and the army pple I spend my time with, all too have their own problems. It's nice to see how pple rally arnd each other sometimes... :)

I met up with Ngee Leng and Yeow May and Siva on friday... and I really miss VJC... The school's undergoing loads of renovations now.. and it looks different... more zesty if anything, and it's a good sign of the things to come. Then yesterday, I went to witness Rachel's baptism... her church, FCBC is really a very unique church... they encourage people to let loose with their pain and unhappiness openly, and the topic for the service yest, forgiveness, is really appropriate for me this week... haha... I may not be a Christian, but the service is really a memorable one, and I rather liked it...

After that, 9 of us went over to Fish and Co to eat, and we had a blast of a time.. it was just like old times... chatting over dinner... that I really miss... :) I was sad when we all had to go home... but I also know we'll meet up soon, b4 the girls start uni... I hope at least...

Dear Mandy...

Haha... I just watched 2 korean movies: "A moment to remember" and "Love, so divine" and well, I'm really quite touched by the two movies... both talks about love, but they exemplify it in two different ways.

In "A moment to remember", the story starts with this woman, Kim Su-JIn, who's successful in her career, and with a silver spoon in her mouth, her dad being the head of a building company. Problem is, Su-Jin's absent minded, so while she's still getting a good job, she's sort of sent to do the ones that require the least memory work: men's formal wear. The male counterpart is a poor carpenter who starts off by working under Su-Jin's dad. His name is Choi Chul-Soo, and their story is sweet. It talks about their romance, how it develops, they get married, and they are really sweet and easy-going to each other. Through each other, they learn things they never did... like how Chul-Soo comes to forgive his mother for walking out on them, and to be a better carpenter, and how Su-Jin learns to be a better housewife. It seems as though Chul-Soo learns more right? But in the later parts of the movie, Su-Jin is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, and gradually, as the day goes by, she loses more and more of her memory. Chul-Soo is devastated, but he still holds on strongly to their relationship. In the midst of a big project, he takes the time and effort to write down everything and displays them on the walls of their home. Things like "how to answer a phone call" and pictures of them together, identifying each other. And Chul-Soo even accepts being called by Su-Jin's ex-lover, as he knows that she can't tell the two apart. One day, Su-Jin remembers everything, and she's appalled by what she has done... calling him by her ex-lover's name and everything, so she pulls all the pictures down, and writes a long letter to Chul-Soo, saying that he's the one she'll always love, and that though he has never said "I love you" to her, she knows that he loves her a lot a lot... it's really sweet, that part, that I end up crying... Su-Jin then leaves the house and runs away to a hospital for people with Alzheimer's disease. Chul-Soo is devastated, to say the least. He doesn't know where to find her, and it affects his work greatly... until he receives a letter from Su-Jin, who recovers her memory for a short while and takes the opportunity to write a letter to him. He goes to find her, and realises she doesn't remember him anymore, though she repeatedly draws his picture in her sketch book. Chul-Soo then makes the effort to bring her back to the place they first met, and throws everyone she's related to inside... Su-Jin regains her memory, and the both of them drive off into the sunset. Along the way, Chul-Soo turns to Su-Jin and says to her what she has always wanted to hear: "Saranghaeyo".

The movie ends there.. its' quite sweet.. haha... will write about "love, so divine" next time... yeahz.

Dear Mandy...

Well, I've officially finished service term of OCS, so it's one third of my cadet life down... and I passed SOC 9.27... the passing time is 9.29... so I am quite relieved. Posted to School of Combat Engineers, and then I found out that I have to do SOC there again.. and I have to meet the passing timing again, and that the rundown is upslope... so well, it's another challenge... I hate SOC, but well, I'll just have to do it I guess... no choice. That's just life... I can only try to be optimistic, and take whatever challenges that come my way. :)

I was looking through the pictures of the VJC 20th SC... and well, I felt this wave of sadness rush over me, as I realise that we're going to be unable to meet up much... sigh... I miss 20th a lot a lot... Miss the days of mass dance, planning, match support and our own choreographed dances... and of course, the little bit and pieces that placed our council together... without a doubt... in VJC, they were my little world... my family, if I say so myself... I miss them dearly... albeit some more than others, but in some weird way, I miss that life...

I'm going to Brunei come Sunday night for ten days before I start in SOCE. To my friends, I'll try to meet up with each of u all k? Trust me... :)

Dear Mandy...

Life these couple of days has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, and I don't know where to begin... I'll start with the all time lows first. Yingz and I are currently on a timeout... Being in army means I don't have as much time to spend as I used to, and well, it affected our relationship a lot... I grew to realise that I complain too much about Army, and i listened less... Sub-consciously, I've changed and I didn't realise it... I guess it's true when they say that the Army ruins relationships... I finally see it, and some other friends too... I don't know... the Army... it isn't what it says out there... it's a whole new ball game. So now, I'm in a loss of what to do, but I still believe there's hope.

Lots of my friends are going overseas... Grace, Anhua, Kristy... sigh.. makes me wonder when 20th will ever have a full gathering again... I guess that's not possible for the time being, what with the guys all in NS, and the girls working and going to uni soon... I miss my friends... And i also realise that I'd better take the time now to catch up and spend time with them before they go overseas and I don't see them for 4 years perhaps?

I went for VJC soccer finals... We lost by a really small margin... what with a penalty shootout and no lights... everyone was upset... really, and the match support though not fantastic, but was evident that the red shirts placed effort in their cheering. After the loss, they cried, and I was reminded greatly... of our year soccer finals, when we lost in somewhat similar ways... I understood how they felt, and throughout the year, the soccer guys had placed a lot of effort in training... that day, 20th red shirts were all upset... David and i cried, Sharon, Joanna, Priya... and all of us were upset... but I hope the red shirts benefit from this experience... and sincerely hope that it will make things better for Council.

Despite the unhappy sides, there's stil the happy moments... I met up with 20th during soccer finals, and what a meeting it was! It involved a ride from National Stadium to Chomp Chomp, and from there to Sharon's house to have dinner... It was a huge dinner manz... Stingray, chicken wings, carrot cake, ice cream float, murtabak, rojak... huge dinnner manz. It amounted to about $140... and we chatted a lot... about the old days... but I guess we've all changed in some way or other... and it was nice to see how people matured... the missing finally appeared... but there were others who we wished could be there but weren't there... But I have hope that things will be better for 20th... we have strong bonds... and i hope it remains that way.

And about Army... I'll try to be optimistic... but it's hard... I'l try.

dear Mandy...

Okay, I must admit... I'm not in the best of moods everytime I have to book in, and when I'm in camp, I want to get out of there. It's not right, I know, and well, I wonder if I'm the only one who's feeling that way. I still can't get SOC right... First it was low rope and low wall, now it's low wall and swing trainer... I at least still manage to get over the low wall, albeit with some difficulty, but a different obstacle awaits me everytime... I wonder why... I have to meet the 9min 30 sec target to pass SOC in OCS standards, and to meet the 9min target to pass SOC in Sierra Wing's standards... I have quite low morale and confidence in there... and the feeling clearly sucks...

Life's like that, and I guess that I'm not going to be able to pass on Monday, but I'll still try my best and aim for under 9 minutes... I shouldn't let it get me down if I don't meet the 9 minutes and have to go for training, cause the training will do me good... Need to have a stronger mindset as well... and need to be myself again... I've been unable to be the enthusiastic, exuberant me, the crazy and wild me in here, though occasionally I do let it show... plus, I don't really feel very comfortable opening up to people in here... feel like I'm inferior or something... the male ego... it never fails to show up. Haha... lots of stress, but it'll do me good.

I'm sorry to my friends that I haven't been able to meet up with you all and keep in contact. I wish very much that I could, but circumstances now do not allow me to do so... Just want to drop u all a msg that u are still held very closely in my heart, and that I miss all of you lots. There's a lot of catching up to be done... with 20th, Anhua, Abby, my study group and lots and lots of other people... Know I've been relatively MIA for sometime, but I'll be back when the situation allows me to... so guys, don't forget me, cause I won't forget you.

And to my dear Yingz, I love u lots...! :)

Heyz Mandy..

In a blink of an eye... it's the end of block leave and come monday, i shall report to my new unit. Yes, I have managed to enter the prestigious Officer Cadet School, together with Deepak and Jason from council, Syaz from NCC (Air), Daniel Law from prefex, Amir from me study group... yeapz.. a lot of people made it to SISPEC though, and I for one am surprised I made it to OCS... I shall adopt a positive attitude and try my best in there... it's not going to be easy... but I have to try.

I went back to Elects camp to see 21st and the 22nd elects... and well, a lot of changes have been made to the camp, but i hope that things are for the better. The effects of the training can only be seen in the work and efficiency the Elects display in their undertakings. They do have potential... but it remains to be seen how they use it to their best.

And I love my darling... :)

Dear Mandy...

Ok, I've officially graduated from BMT, and have been promoted from the rank of RECRUIT to the wonderful rank of PRIVATE. Sounds kinda ironic, but hey! It's the end of BMT, and the start of a new phase... it just means to me that my NS life is moving on, and soon, i hope, that it'll be over soon... being in NS is really a furore of feelings to me... and also a period of time whereby i face lots of competition to be the best... perhaps this environment is good for me in a sense... forcing me to try to be the best... but well, I'm also trying hard to be content with what I have, and who I am... I really don't wish to prove anything... just pass whatever i need to pass, meet the minimum requirement, do my best. I believe that's the best for me...

Also got back my A level results le, though not exactly fantastic, but it's enough to get me to university, so I'm more or less contented with what I have. I did make an improvement, as did a lot of us, so just take it with a pinch of salt, and move on from here. This period of my life is one frought with disappointments and setbacks, and I cannot deny that I have been affected by it in terms of confidence and other things, but life goes on as it always does. One can only pick himself up from where he fell and press on courageously, making sure that he puts in enough effort to not fall back into the same pit. Even if he does, he's gotta regain his footing again. That's life.

Thinking back on all the memories that I made in VS, VJC and also in some weird sense, BMT. Realise that we all have made our own time ours to hold and have, something that is quite a memorable incident. Jing-Yi asked me yesterday to state my most memorable moment and most satisfying moment in my Council term. I said my most satisfying moment was the day we all took off our tags... and I realised that we actually achieved more than what we set out to do... and we had met our vision and our objectives... we had succeeded. My most memorable moment, were the times when we had reflections, or like the presentation that joel made, or when we were reading the letters of thanks given by other councillors, and that feeling we all felt... that for one single moment, it was the same. It may have been in varying doses, but for that one moment, everyone was feeling the same emotion, and it is indeed, the time when 2oth was truly, truly united as one council. Wonder if what i said makes sense to u, but it does to me... :)

Being in NS has made me realise the importance of time management and maintaining friendships. As Shih Yuan said... Cherish ur friends well... and I really am trying... but unfortunately, NS doesn't allow much time for that when u are concurrently in ur training phase... and that kinda sucks, but I'm going to have to live with it. Would like to apologise now to the people that I have been neglecting for the past year or so, and would like to ask for your understanding that I'm trying to make time. SO please pardon me for being MIA for so long... esp to Kalyn and Abby... yeahz. So so sorry.

I shall end here now... till next time.

Heyz Mandy...

Been some time since i last logged on to talk to u.... things in the army aren't as what i expected it to be... And of course, things really have been spiralling in a way that I didn't expect. Let me go into whatever i can, cause I'm not allowed to disclose SAF things.

I'm slightly disillusioned by what I'm seeing... and NCC leadership is def a difference from SAF leadership, but both has it's good and bad points of course... but I do so much prefer the old style of leadership by example and uniformity of it all. Efficiency and decisiveness is also less seen, and honestly... it's not what i expected larz... that's all...

My platoon is not bad, quite interesting personalities and good people that I enjoy working and being with. But there's not that usual sense of camaraderie... it feels more.... temporary between me and a lot of them... things are much different now, and it's hard to know when pple are real and when they're not... yeahz...

I became more self conscious of the things i do, and how successful i am... pitting myself quietly against certain pple, and well, when i don't do well, i lose a major lot of confidence in myself. Also, I'm unable to clear a lot of things there in the army... fall sick easily, that kinda thing? Yeahz... and also not a lot of time to myself and my friends. Using snail mail to catch up with certain people, but i know for sure... I'm not keeping up with them, and our friendship will be strained in some sense... sadly. NS isn't really worth so much time and effort if it stand against a lot of things u believe in... But I have no choice... so I'll just have to do my best.

Time flies, but memories stay. That's something I'm realising. I'm losing the naive thoughts i used to have, and becoming accustomed to the touch and go of life, but the long lasting impressions of the memories forged seems more important. Don't get me wrong. I still cherish my close and best friends... but life isn't allowing me to know pple better. Sigh.

Peace out.

Heyz Mandy...

Haha... so well, xmas is over, and it was better than previous years... spent it with Yingz, and though it was somewhat like a normal date, it was still memorable in it's own little sweet way... :)

Had PT on monday, and well, i realised that my fitness level is quite bad! Couldn't finish running 4.8km... that's how bad i got... sighz... i need to work out. But well, time's running short and I'll have to take what i can... yupz... sighz.

I'm going to miss everybody... :(

Heyz Mandy...

I'm officially back from China, and well, it was quite a nice place... I loved the scenery a lot... and well, I can't say much about the food there... coz it may have been 7 to 8 course meal, but there are repetitive dishes... chicken, pork, rice, fish, vegetables... yeah. It would have been ok if it was a different style of cooking each time, but try it being cooked the same way every one in three meals, and u get what i mean... coz I was in China for 8 days... go figure. Not to mention, i became a temporary baby sitter... taking care of this pri3 kid, who dislikes the food there, dislikes being in china, and since I could explain stuff to him properly, and get him to eat stuff, his mom kept pushing him to me. IRRITATING! Sigh, but well, the weather was nice there... nice and cold... quite up my alley... haha... and, like Anhua said... the weather is nice, but the pple quite ba dao la... there's no such thing as a pedestrian crossing when one is drawn, but that's for a separate matter.

Back from China, and I realise i don't have enough time to finish writing all my xmas cards before xmas... so to pple who read me blog, I'll ensure u receive ur xmas cards before the 12th day of xmas k? Haha... before 1st jan, at the latest... yup. I have about 40 cards to write, and well, please be patient... to pple who don't get a card... I love u all the same... and Merry Xmas to you all... U're in my heart always.

I miss my darling... she went to HK and won't be back till 23rd Dec... sigh... haven't seen her for 14 days le...!! Come back soon...

Heyz Mandy...

Okay... in a blink of an eye, SDD and the 20th SC Overseas trip in Bintan have come to an end... :( sadly of course...

SDD

2nd December 2004 saw the V JC 20th Senior Dinner and Dance take place at (once again, as always) Ritz Carlton Millenia hotel... yeahz... I must admit I wasn't very keen on going for SDD, but I went along as well... well, in the end, I didn't regret it... I'm glad I went actually... the girls were very beautiful (dressed up in their prom gowns and their individual styles) and the guys all very handsome in their suits (I'd like to say for once, but that wouldn't be true!). The night went well, but what was really memorable about the night (it definitely wasn't the food), was the memories and the pictures taken... I finally realised who are the people who I should have spent time with, and who I really treasure deep down inside... yeahz... There's a small list of people... Rachel, Kristy Koh, Kristy P, Hui Yi, Dominique, Gracie, Hui Zhi, just to name a few girls, and the guys... Sanjay, Siva, Deepak, Sanjee, and so on... and of course me best friend in VJC, though I haven't been talking to her for quite some time, Anhua... it was quite amazing how I could feel so much and come to sudden realisations about all these things, but it felt really... enlightening... yeahz... :)

After SDD, Me and David walked all the way from Ritz to China Black (which is near Lido) and we counted 8 7-11s and 4 MRT stations along the way... haha... it was a memory by itself, and one that I can't forget... I mean, how often is it that u can actually find someone willing to walk that distance with you, and along the way, the various stops that we made... swiss-o-tel, the PS 7-11 where we made our pit stop, and the long wait that we made at 7-11 opposite China Black until 4am in the morning.... it was a nice closure to SDD... following the taxi ride home with Guan Yi, Mojo and Jeremias... memories in their own sweet way.

6th December 2004 saw the 14 members of the VHC 20th SC set off for a council overseas trip to Bintan. I reported at the wrong venue, and I had to take a taxi from one end of the country to the other... wow.. that wasn't fun k... and I still wasn't the last! Haha... then the hyper seasick ride on the choppy sea.... it was freaky to see one table after another puking into blue barf bags (manz... first time i saw blue barf bags! I always thot it was gray or brown!) Our room arrangement saw the girls having a connected triple rooms, me, siva, david, joel and jacob having the connected double-triple rooms and sanjay, sanjee and deepak having the single triple room. The DTI room was also personally termed the Danger room, what with Sanjee's shaving cream, and the numerous pranks that the three of them played. Sighz... the weather wasn't good for the first two days, what with rain and cold winds, and the EXORBITANT PRICES! Haha... anywayz... we spent time at the activity centre with the ladies breaking numerous high scores on picture difference spotting and word formation, me breaking the basketball score to tally 157 (only to have it broken by some guy at 159!!) and to see the rest play pool. After that, however, all of us braved the drizzle to go to the swimming pool to play on the slide and develop ways of sliding down the slides. From single to the 5some down the slide... it was pure fun! We had lunch and dinner at the hotel, and well... after that, we went to the beach... it was nice.. the beach at night... and we scaled the rocks and had nice chats. That night, the main guys room chatted whilst shanky went to the DTI room to play cards, and we slept about 2am...

Woke up, then breakfast, followed by rain... so we went to the activities centre again... each of us headed for different activities, but deepak and I went to swim. Then i successfully locked myself out of the room, and luckily it was rectified. Lunch was at a seafood restaurant that had a very nice view of the sea and not bad food! After that, we went back to the hotel (by then, some of us were quite broke) to rest for a while as we debated over our next plan. After that, Siva had to leave, and the main guys room stayed with him, then the guys congregated at the porch to say bye... and it was totally hilarious! What with the bows and the flashing of body to Siva from Sanjee... it was funny! Then we went to the deep pool to swim and ended up playing water polo and basketball until we had to change up to go Angsana for a sponsored dinner from David! The food was good, the ambience was good, and the music was good. The DTI room guys and I went to dance, and I was to sing a song with Sangeeta on stage... it didn't go very well, but it was enjoyable... yeah. It felt nice to have the support of the Councillors, and it reminded me very much of the VS Speech days. After that, we went to Pasar Oleh Oleh to shop, and we found a place with moderate prices! Haha... the girls couldn't get enough of shopping though... but after that, we went back to our hotel rooms, and gathered in the main guys' rooms. We ended up watching tv for a while, and Rachel fell asleep! Haha.. I started doing some personal stuff and then the DTI room guys came in to dance! Deepak went wild! We slept after that, and well, it was nice sleeping on my bed by the window... it was a nice place...

Then the funny moments. Deepak and Joanna acted as a couple on a holiday. The constant "take photo!", and the mishaps that we all had. From losing spectacles, to breaking pumps, to having a ball stuck up a banana tree, and of course, the occasional missing spectacles and my ring... to the butt cracks and the lame puns... all made everything so much more memorable!!

The third day gave us plenty of sunshine, and after breakfast, we went to the beach to crash the waves and enjoy the sunshine! The waves were HUGE!!! And well, only Rachel and Sangeeta stayed with us and the rest of the girls went back to Pasar Oleh Oleh to shop. It felt nice to revert back to the childish moments... :) Then we went to the pool to play water polo, and tired ourselves out dutifully. After which, we went to wash up and go to the ferry terminal. There was a weird kind of feeling that passed between us... an unspoken bond that seemed to hold each of us together in a chummy kind of way. It felt wonderful, to say the least, and each of us bonded. We boarded the ferry, and as it brought us further from Bintan, somehow, I could sense each of us spending some time thinking on the memories, reveling in the universal language of friendship and love that held us together... it may be fate, but as the boat left Bintan, and I seemed to be absorbed in my book, I said a silent thank you to the 14 councillors who made this trip even more special.

To Jelly: thanks for a wonderful organised trip! And of course, the calm way you handle stuff is just cool dude! U rock!
To David: A roommate with lots of puns to lighten up the day! And our resident drink provider with a big heart! Wicked!!
To Sanjee: You resident prankster! You kept suaning everyone, and made the trip truly enjoyable! And ur dances! Haha... well done!
To Sanjay: Oookkaayyy! Haha... one of the ladies' men! Your fun loving nature made u a fantastic presence! Cool dude!
To Siva: Ladies' man number one! And also the one who had heart to heart talks with some pple! All the best for ur interview!
To Jacob: The person who was so fun to hang around, but not with pillows around! A fantastic person, with lots of laughter! Totally tubular dude!
To Sangeeta: The girl who sleeps the latest! Haha... but also a nice person to talk to! Chill gal!
To Joanna: Shopping queen la you! Haha... but also a fun person to have had around! Love Deepak arhz!
To Melissa: Though rather quiet, it was nice to have u around... you're a comforting presence always! And encouraging too! Way to go!
To Sara: Princess will always be Princess! Haha... you and jelly were so good coordinating this trip! Thank you!
To Hui Yi: Must take care of urself k? Back le, so dun miss ahem too much k? Take care mei!
To Rachel: Perhaps the one I'm closest of the girls this trip... thanks for everything... You're great!! Awesome!

Take care people... :) Love u.

Heyz Mandy...

Well, A levels is finally coming to a close after a good 2 years of JC life, I can't say I'm not happy to see it end, but it is a rather weird feeling. As in, after two years of non stop mugging in JC life, I finally come to the end and reach what I personally call the black hole. I feel lost... like you know, a part of me is dead. I don't know how exactly to place it, but perhaps its the fact that studying has got me a lot more new friends, and friends I can probably relate to, but it seems to just... I don't know... be kinda drifty. It's quite appalling, but I guess if anything, VJC has taught me to be less naive, and be more true... to yourself. But of course, I always successfully hide behind a childish image that probably applies better for me. :)

That lost feeling... it's so... I don't know... weird? I always thought at the end of my mugging years, I'd be totally happy... well, I am, but i never thought I'd feel so lost and off. Maybe it's cause I made some really good friends that I drifted from them of late... Anhua, Kristy mei, Hui Yi, Hui Zhi, Grace... and I still can't help but miss talking to them, and you know, catching up on lost times... but ever since I obtained my enlistment date, I realised that I'm not superman cause I don't have too much time to catch up with each of them as well as I'd like to... Sigh... life's like that... I need more personal time to myself as well, and before I enlist, I'd like to spend as much time as I can with Ying... time's not on my side.

Ok, shall end here for now... till next time then k?

Heyz Mandy...

Well, GP, Chem essays and maths paper 1 are over, and to be honest? I'm not exactly very optimistic about the outcome, especially since the people around me have a high tendency to point out mistakes in the exam, and letting me feel even more insecure about my paper... but well, I'm not complaining.... I've grown to accept people... ok, most people for who they are and the things they do. :)

Thinking back on stuff, and I would like to tell people who happen to go past here that I'm thankful the the tiny facets of my life that had you in it... it may even be just simple hi, or an indirect notion of contact, but in anyway, I'm glad for the chances that I've been given to know each and every one of you in some way...

hmmmmmm.... got so many plans after a levels that I think i need an organiser... seriously. sighz... life after a levels... dunno how it'll be like... except for the green uniform part... but seriously... not looking very good at that moment... i hope things go well...

kkez, shall end here... take care pple!

THE OYSTER

Anonymous

There once was an Oyster

Whose story I tell,

Who found that some sand

Had got into his shell.

It was only a grain,

But it gave him great pain.

For oysters have feelings,

Although they're so plain.

Now, did he berate

The harsh workings of fate

That had brought him

To such a deplorable state?

Did he curse at the government,

Cry for election,

And claim that the sea should

Have given him protection?

No- he said to himself,

As he lay on a shell,

since I cannot remove it,

I shall try to improve it.

Now the years have rolled around,

As the years always do,

And he came to his ultimate

Destiny- stew.

And the small grain of sand

That had bothered him so

Was a beautiful pearl

All richly aglow.

Now the tale has a moral;

For isn't it grand

What an Oyster can do

With a morsel of sand?

What couldn't we do

If we'd only begin

With some of the things

That get under our skin?

Here's a poem I read out of chicken soup that is quite meaningful, isn't it? A simple analogy to an oyster, something that is a culinary delicacy, can exemplify traits like perseverance, tolerance and determination? Maybe it's time we all took a step back and thought about some of the things that we're going through at this point of time... we're not saints... but we have the opportunity to be heroes... heroes of ourselves.

Heyz Mandy...

How fast time flies... in a blink of an eye, A levels is just 4 days away... when the clock strikes midnight on the 3rd november 2004, it signifies that it has begun. The dreaded A Levels... oh well... it's a hurdle I have to cross anyway, so I guess it's better to go ahead with it and take it as it is...

I dropped Biology as I got EEOO for my preliminary examinations... not good at all, and well, I dropped after a lot of considerations as I guess I am more suited to persue 3 A level subjects than 4. It's definitely a better option for me, cause i have more time, but unfortunately, perhaps I should have done that earlier... yeahz....

Suddenly had the startling realization that I'm not exacly living my life for myself... like I let others rule my decisions, and I always think for the welfare of other people before I do anything. It is good to a certain extent, but similarly, it is bad as well... I realised that I need more personal time to myself... to pursue the things I love, and to do things my way... I so want to go for lessons on modern dance, to spend time to find back my poetry and stories, to spend time with the people I cherish, to spend time with Yingz, and to play basketball and improve on the sports i want to... there're so many things I have yet to do... and so little time left... I'm almost at the end of my teenage years... I'm a kadult... somewhere between a teen and an adult. Someone with the responsibilities of an adult, but with the restrictions of a teen... haha... in other words, a in-between.. to the people reading my blog, do u ever feel the same way?

I feel a need to focus more... haha... sounds like Acuvue Focus Dailies... nvm... being lame... Need to stop being swayed to play, and need to start doing more work, and knowing when and where not to do stuff. Need to get a hold on myself... but I'll be totally changing the way I am... sounds superficial... sigh... I'll just have to try my best I guess... but yet, I am aware of the fact that many a time, the best you give is not enough... Well... that's so ironic, but as the World works, there's always an opposite... as Newton's 3rd law suggests... for every force exerted on a body A, there is an equal and opposite force acting on Body A... sighz..

Hmm... there's a saying "every person that walks past you has a problem greater than you.". I guess it's relatively true... because for every aspect, there's always a problem at a higher level than you... and you'll never know until you have managed to earn the trust of that person, and that too takes time.... I like being the way I am... but well, I can't help that not everyone accepts me the way I am.. I'm aware of that fact... so, I'm sorry to people who can't accept me, because I'm not changing the way I am.

The battle is coming upon us... A levels... we are the army chosen to fight this war... let us place our best efforts and skills to the test, and let us press forward... together, let's conquer the paper for the pen is mightier than the sword. :)

All the best.

i wrote a long entry. I dedicated it to everyone. Now it's gone. sigh.

Heyz Mandy....
Been long... actually tried to log in an entry to you during GP a few weeks ago, but the computer hanged, and there went my entry... haha.. but all in all, it's been a month plus since I last wrote into you...

Prelims are officially in full swing, and I already messed up my GP essay, and today's Physics practical... seems like I can't do anything right at all... keep faltering and slipping here and there... and well, I seriously hope it's no reenactment of promotional exams... sighz... anwyayz... I'm trying my best to work hard, and I really want to get 4 Cs and above... but.. looking at the situation now, I'm just panicking and scaring myself.. literally. What's worse is I constantly have no mood to study, and it seems liks perhaps I need to put in more effort into everything... sigh.. not good at all... bleahz..

Hmmz... and well, I have drifted far away from Council... and the funny thing is, it feels good... A group of us established a study group that I personally call the "Late night roof climbing study group"... hehe... I'm sure that the meaning is quite literally put across... haha... just so you know... we have fun and establish a lot of adventures too! there's me, Ven. Ling Sze, Serene, Ivy, Aishah, Nat, Sanjay, Sanjiv, Amir, Meng Siong, Nicole, Marcus, Zhe Bin and a few more... oh, and we don't all study together... we stake out different areas, but we're the ones who stay till uber late... so yup! Go figure!

Quite like the view of school at night... nice ambience, and a really good sense of tranquility... yeahz... haha... and of course, lying down and looking at the sky, that I have yet to do so at night.. only in the day, and it's really... breathtaking... :) I can't wait for a chance to do that at night, and hopefully it's a night full of stars.

Coming to an end of my life in VJC, and I'm rather looking forward to it ending... yeahz... can't wait!! haha... but of coruse, i have only about a month and a half before I get shipped off to NS... fun huh? haha... life in S'pore's like that... you win some, you lose some... no biggie... used to it already actually... :P... except that to ensure I'm on a safe route, I have to do well for A levels... sigh... I'm going to try for prelims... I have to try... for my little angel... :)

All the best, everyone!

Hey Mandy...
kinda weird... life is so saddening nowadays... well, except for a couple of things that still make me smile and know that there's actually still stuff worth caring about in VJC nowdays... oh wellz.... what can I say right?

Ever realised that naive thinking can't ever seem to last? I keep realising it... always thought that people would never change, would always show you their true side3 when u work with them so much... i guess I was wrong... haiz... what ever happened...? I dunno... I just hope that well... people will sort of reflecT?

Realise also I'm losing my temper more easily nowadays... and getting really upset at the fact that I see some people wanting a lot of care and concern from people, but they don't show it to others... consideration maybe is lost... but i dunno... dun wanna tink anymore...

Heyz Mandy...
Oh well... this holidays is coming to an end, and well, I can safely say that I spent majority of this hols studying... What to do? A levels!!! It's the last lap of my JC life, and this will be the last stretch of studying before I take a 2 year plus detour to NS... seems to be the typical Singaporean lifestyle of a student... *bleahz*

Okay... just a little series of events in the coming days... School reopens and block tests begin... then it'll be prelim practical exams, one week break, prelim, farewell assembly... :(... then all the way to A level practical exams, then A levels... then SDD which I haven't decided I wanna go for yet, and then it's a new life, and probably enlistment in NS... sighz... fun? Not exactly... but it's more like a phase...

Anywayz... I probably can't be staying overnight for NCC Air camp 2004... so sad! Can't partake in Phantom Walk! kaoz... haha... oh well... life's full of ups and downs... I'll classify this as a down...

Hopefully I can do relatively well and clear everything for block tests... I'd hate to have to fall into remedial, and to be classified under that "danger case" once again... not fun, definitely... last week le... have to pia all the way... And I'm a goner for my biology... I'm serious... there's just not enough time to rest, play, work, study, sleep, eat... u get the idea...

OK! TIme to persevere and work on!

-Life is about knowing how to maximise the time you have, and living it to the max!!-

Heyz Mandy... been too too long huh? Shall update you now...

Yes yes, to people who are curious to know, I am attached, and yes, if you've read my tagboard, her name is Shi Ying. :) She's a wonderful angel, and we've been together for one month and 17 days... nahz... this blog isn't for me to write about our relationship, but it's just something to update about, coz well... I'm sure my jies and my close friends who frequent this blog will want to know. :)

Stepped down already... and Investiture was okay... though our off day was spent going for multiple match supports... cricket was postphoned in the end, but soccer guys... they won SAJC 4-1! And CJ scored a hat trick, and soccer captain Andy added the fourth... the atmoshere there really brought back memories of my term as a red shirt and it was a good match, all in all... I spent the whole day with Shi Ying... and thanks to her, I really managed to maintain my composure despite crying in the morning during investiture... stepping down, and taking off my name tag... oh wells... :) thanks dear!

VJC managed to do pretty well so far in the sports sections... Hockey girls and soccer guys got champions! Table tennis girls, cricket guys, badminton girls managed to get first runners-ups! Tennis guys and girls got second runners up, cross country got both team third... Hopefully this winning streak will stetch on to kayaking, track and field, swimming... yeahz...

Had a LOONG chat with Bryan yesterday during Council room cleanup, and realised I really miss VSPB and the times I spent in NCC AIR and in VS... times really fly... and well, now I'm in year 2... and wishing I have more time to spend to have heartfelt talks with people, or just to do one last event together... but it's all over now... regrets will be there... 20th could have been a much more dynamic council... that's my biggest regret... but no point saying anything now... yeahz... must learn to let go.