Dear Mandy...

I managed to complete my online application form. Thank you to the Lord for having instigated me to be proactive and take ownership for what I wanted... and if I wanted to be a relief teacher at VJC and face that new chapter of my life...

I'm praying for the best now... what's left is the finishing of the Thank you cards by Thurs, and then perhaps a present or two... for Lincoln perhaps. Haha... I know God's with me, and it feels great to know He's watching over me.

Whatever happens when I submit the application form this coming Saturday to Jancy will happen. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Dear Mandy...

Wow... It's been quite a week... I think I'm going to have consistent phone calls when I ORD... there's a lot of things that people are uncertain about, so many unfinished business... I get what Gabriel means when he says that he wants to ORD but feels like he also cannot really ORD. It's difficult when we don't have proper understudies, and the fact that our departments are the more active ones; Not a day goes by that we don't face a barrage of e-mails, and rarely do we find a day when we can actually take a breather for more than an hour at a go. But I know it's inevitable... our next chapter awaits us... and for that, I know that it's time to leave.

It's been quite a fulfilling experience in NS... I've benefited, and I've lost as well... I saw a glimpse of reality, and I know that it's a political and dog-eat-dog world out there. I've learnt management skills, I think I can handle more stress now, and I know now how important physical fitness, setting examples and how being meticulous and efficient are two very powerful tools in the working world. I realise that you can be hardworking, but if you don't fight for yourself, the credit still doesn't belong to you. I learnt that no matter what, you still need to take a break now and then... It's definitely possible to be burnt out if you always want to be on top of things... And I think that my brain is quite dead, and I'm not as passionate as I used to be... But I'll try to find back my brain and my passion... they're hiding somewhere, just waiting for that spark.

Till then? I was at service on Sunday, and then the sermon touched me. I know that I need to be a better manager of my life... to drive out procrastination and to face challenges without fear in my life. I prayed to God, and Steven prayed for me as well, and it felt better. I guess slowly? I'm learning that I'm not that strong.. and that it's God's grace that sustains me now... and for my journey ahead, I'll look to Him for strength and encouragement to move on. I know He's there.

Gayne dear, you need to get some rest. I know you'll be reading this, so don't keep saying you've got things to do... DOn't let ur body break down then you realise there's even more things to do... Somethings don't have to be done immediately... so slow down and take a breather.

I'm worried about being Council Teacher... I dunno how to fit in, how to do things... That's always been my flaw... I'll try my best.

Dear Mandy,

I was at VJC yesterday, and I managed to complete the form for the submission for relief teaching. And, I managed to run for the first time in about a month or so... the haze was still quite bad albeit running after the rain had fallen? And I had a really dry throat and inflamed chest or something I had to walk. Sighz... haha...

Then after that, I went to Gayne's house to sit and chat with her and watch her Council movies. I really enjoy that... cause Gayne and I... we don't talk specifically about topics? We just keep shifting from topic to topic comfortably, and well, though there was a certain lull in between, but it's been nice. Met her dad and Jerome again... just lacked meeting Joani. Haha... Hopefully Jerome makes it to VJC then I can be his relief for like half a year or so.. haa.. that'd be cool. And then, I met Gayne's chinchilla!! Haha... Baby's so cute! She posed for me to take her photo before hiding away shyly... Gayne complained saying that Baby never poses for her. Hee... too bad dearie, ur chinchilla luvs me! :p

I went home that day and suddenly got into a very nostalgic mood... I took out my VJC yearbooks and started to flip through them, and quietly absorb the feeling of nostalgia... Specifically, I stopped at a couple of people... Tryphena: cause I miss chatting to her
Chiew: cause she always cares for me
the 20th Students' Council: because because..
Anhua: how can I forget her?
03S13: It wouldn't have been complete if I hadn't looked at my class right?
Maggie: For the good friend that she's been to me
Zhiyuan: Oh.... how to forget that good friend in camp to me?
Venlecia: My zhang men ren lehz... dun see her, she'll kill me!
Sanjiv: Haha... if I see Sanjay, I cannot not see Sanjiv!
the 21st and 22nd SC: My juniors... nuff said.
Shi Ying: For reasons u know.
Ngee Leng: My dearest sister....
Yeow May: My dear sister...
And if I go on, the list would go on quite some distance... I guess I just miss them... a lot. Especially 20th and my study group. Sometimes, I wish I could turn back time... but I guess that's not really possible now, ain't it? Sigh... I was really nostalgic yesterday that I almost got to composing a poem... but I guess I dropped the notion, because nothing I do can turn back time... I only have memories... :)

I bought Ronan Keating's "Bring me home" and I found the lyrics for many songs inside touching and worthwhile... Here's a song that I'd like to dedicate to my friends reading my blog... and if any of my juniors pop by this site as well, well... it's also for you. :)

BRING ME HOME

When you're lost and there's no where to go

And your heart bears a heavy load

Don't give up 'cos you're not alone

Cos' I'm always here to bring you home

You took a chance

You crossed the thin red line

And how every word can seem so unkind

Don't believe you'll ever lose it all

Cos' I'm always here to bring you home

You'll make mistakes

And hearts will break

And tears will always fall

The world is turning and you are learning

What matters most of all

That you are not alone

Now's your time, so go on be free

Don't hold back, be all that you can be

And if you fall, don't fall alone

Cos' I'm always here to bring you home

You'll make mistakes
And hearts will break
And tears will always fall
The world is turning and you are learning
What matters most of all
That you are not alone

When you're lost and there's no where to go
And your heart bears a heavy load
Don't give up 'cos you're not alone
Cos' I'm always here to bring you home

I guess the essence of what I wanna highlight has already been said... I'm still here, if you need somebody... So you'll never really be alone... I know a lot of my friends have been going through difficulties, or are preparing for exams... but please be strong... I'll keep you all in my prayers... :)

Dear Mandy...

It's been 2 weeks... and all I can say is, so much has happened of late, that I find myself exhausted, on the verge of breaking down and crying, and just tempted to throw in the towel and say enough! It's quite sad, given that this happens in camp, and I love my juniors too much to even take up their time to complain to them... oh well, let's date it back to the 12th Oct, Thurs.

That day, I was on leave. And what day is it if I'm on leave and don't get a million and one phone calls from camp? Well, that happened, and I went back to VJC... and it was great! To hang out with 23rd and 22nd, to talk to them, and prepare for the Security Seminar presentation the next day. And also, farewell assembly.. I helped them shift tables and chairs, and just literally enjoyed myself. Then, I met Joel for lunch and to get the new Council tees, which are really nice! Then I went to Parkway to buy Britney's birthday cake, and then went to see Mrs. Chan. And I managed to confirm that I really have a place in VJC next year to teach!I was ecstatic, and celebrated with Shefong and Sean... I left early though, seeing that there was really nothing much I could do, so went home to rest early.

FAREWELL ASSEMBLY AND BRITNEY'S BIRTHDAY!! That was the first thought that came into my mind when I woke up on Friday morning. So I bathed, changed and brought my smartest four as well as my sleepy butt to VJC. Farewell was really nice, and I quite enjoyed the teachers' performance. And then, Mrs. Chan announced her posting out of VJC, and the students were surprised. Then, it was a hilarious performance of a reminisce of Mrs. Chan's last five years, followed by a mad rush to change uniform and go to the PT for the Security Seminar. The Seminar went pretty well, and I subtlely said that I wanted to thank a certain someone amongst the crowd for having baked me brownies... it was Britney. I never really got to thank her for it, so yeah... I thanked her in front of the whole year 1 cohort without revealing it was her, and maintaining eye contact with her in the crowd.

After that, I changed and went off to make Elise and Beertini new black tags, since theirs were spoilt, before I went home for lunch. Haha... following which, I went back to VJC to help with their openhouse prep, and I had a lot a lot of fun just sitting around or jumping around to help them with the odd job.

I met Vanessa that night too... we just sat at the tree house and kept chatting and chatting and chatting... like we were friends that hadn't experience a one year absence... I walked her home that night, and thank you Vee, for the toothbrush and toothpaste... :) That night, me, Meng Siong, Jason, ZB and Jing-Yi stayed over, albeit me, Meng and JY stayed in the tree house on hammocks. It was a really nice place to sleep in, being honest. JY and I chatted till we fell asleep.

Openhouse was on 14th Oct 06, and Meng, JY and I spent the slow morning sitting on the council stairs in a nostalgic mood. We started talking about the lots of things, including the fact that Meng and I were awfully tired... mentally and emotionally weary... and things like whether we have had regrets... I guess everyone will have? But I'm glad that I learnt so much... taking so many things on my shoulders does give me an experience count, but it's still not enough... I guess I just need a break....

I got that "break" soon enough as we started the opening ceremony of Openhouse 2006! And of course, the mass dance! I did all 6, and I believe became a comical sight as there were people trying to film me doing the shoulders for Whiney. But I didn't care. I enjoyed myself at this openhouse... be it scooping ice cream, carrying goodie bags, carrying apple soda bottles, mass dancing, talking to 20th and 19th and 21st, to nursing my 2 erupted blisters and watching the performances... I just relieved every moment...

It was funny that Miss Irene Lim, the new Council teacher asked me if I was an IP Councillor. Beertini, who was beside me, laughed, and Miss Lim's face was so comical when I told her I was year 4. Haha... it's moments like these that make me just... happy to be in VJC... :)

The closing of openhouse was as per normal... mass dance... haha... and then the packing up. I'm so so proud of my dear 23rd Councillors for their resilience in cleaning up and achieving it in such a short time! Then the debrief, and I had to agree that it was a fantastic openhouse... I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride that the Council standards are still high... and then after that, there was a photo taking, before we went to play floorball. IN our tired and weakened state, inevitably, out stamina wasn't the best, but it was good enough to give me a tedious workout.

End of that week, and it saw me transit over to the present week. In camp, I was sent to do war gaming and witnessed first hand how a superior can piss off the entire department in 1 hour. Then on thursday, I was all around, refusing to stay in the office for long, and then, well, I realised just how much S3 can do to piss the whole department off.

I took leave on Friday, and attended Mrs. Chan's farewell assembly. I was decked in the OCS book out attire with the VJC tie, and Miss Tey couldn't recognise me! Haha... I became Mrs. Chan's PA for one day, and she told me that she wishes she could bring me to MOE with her instead. Haha. She got a lot of gifts, and some were really nice... like the personalised goodie bag from the CT Council and SC. After that, I treated Shefong to lunch and Lay Peng to a drink, and then went back home.

And that's my update. End of story. :)

Dear Mandy...

It's been quite a week... and one whereby I've experienced a roller coaster of emotions and well, as well as realising just how difficult it is to juggle everything in my life. I've been stressed, overworked, happy, stunned and a lot more this week, and it ends off with myself realising I desperately need a break off from everything... which I doubt I'm going to get anytime soon as well... sigh...

Well, on Monday, it was a mad rush for the CO Conference which had been shifted over to Tuesday, and checking through the results, as well as the tabulation and linking of the various files to the convening advice just came much easier, thanks to S3 pushing the OCs to send in their slides earlier, so I had a much easier time. MAJ Thomas stopped by to pass us mooncakes, and I'm still surprised by the amount of trust and his belief in my ability is. It's honestly quite heartwarming to know that.... Then I had to prepare the slides for USC as well, so my Monday was basically pretty much a work it out day.

On Tuesday, it was CO Conference, and it went pretty smoothly... I'm quite glad, cause it is my last CO Conference for my term as an NSF. Apart from the fact that suddenly talks of a promotion treat started coming around, and the fact that it was a long discussion of the specialists' roles and stuff like that, it ended off well. USC however, was a separate issue. I highlighted a huge misunderstanding about TAIR, and promptly got CO into a surprise, and then more and more things unravelled as we progressed with it. S3 and I immediately tackled the problem once the meeting was over, only to be relieved to find out we would not be penalised with sending in late TAIRs as our Incidents were not that serious to warrant the 7 days thingy... so I breathed a sigh of relief... but the sad thing is, I'll have to backdate the TAIRs and send in about 10 of them... I'll do them though. Praise God for being with me through this ordeal.

That night, I cycled out for dinner, cause I had stayed in the office to work until 6pm, before watching "She's the Man", a very sweet sweet comedy that I quite liked. I went to draw money, and then went to the hawker centre that Ngee Leng had introduced me to to buy food. I only asked Zhiyuan what he wanted, cause it's been so long since I'd seen him in camp, and I was quite happy that he came back. He's become one of my closest friends around, so yeah! Haa... so amidst prata and noodles, we sat around the round mess table chatting away, and I realise it is something that I, of late, will definitely miss.

Halfway through watching "She's the Man", I received an sms from Esther, and she came down to 30 SCE to pick up Maureen, who was busy, and we ended up chatting about lots of stuff. Hahaha. Esther and Maureen are really nice people to talk to, and I realise that Maureen is someone I'll miss, cause we always have heart to heart talks about the unit and the people we work with, so it's always a refreshing conversation.

Wednesday saw me rushing the CO Conference minutes, before S3 asked me when I ORD... when he found out he had about a month more with me, he told me to drop my work and go for a tea break with him. It became more like an evaluation session about MAJ Thomas and him, but I was honest in telling him that I cannot evaluate much about him cause I had yet to work with him long. And well, in the end, S1 and CPT Pang sat down and the conversation changed, and became less personal. In the afternoon, I went down with S1 and CPT Pang to the Detention Barracks.

The DB is a dreary place that can sap the happiness out of you. It's got so many doors, and such procedures that it really is quite a sad place to be. Apparently people who go in, really lose weight. They become like skin and bones...? And then, the guy I went to conduct an investigation for, was so sad, and I felt for him... when we left, I was still in a daze at how the place was... then we went down to Khatib Bongsu for EX HOTCAKE inspection. It was quite fun, and well, seeing the place brought back so many memories of my cadet term... CO and RSM came down as well, and in the end, I ended up talking to Zhiyuan a lot. Haha... that's the thing.. we can yak about anything under the sun. Nice feeling. Then all 5 of us went for a drink at a coffeeshop before we went back to camp. I went straight to the office to work on the CO COnference minutes, and well, that's that for one day.

Thursday morning saw me and Gabriel going to take SOC. CO and S1 took it as well... I ran, and concentrated really hard on the low wall. After clearing it, I knew I had a chance to pass... so I ran all the way. I scaled the low rope, tapped the bar and whispered "God Bless", ran up the ramp, jumped off and shouted "Praise God!" After that, it was 600m to the end point. I WALKED! Haha... as funny as it sounds, i realised I had some time, so I walked. Gabriel, being Gabriel had been sprinting off since the command to start was given, so he was quite a fair bit in front... but I decided to keep within 50m of him, so I started running again... Gabs passed with a timing of 8.35, and I cleared it with a timing of 9.03. Not bad if I say so myself. I still had energy to walk back to the obstacles and pace CO to the end point. In the end? CO cleared with a timing of 9.54, cause he's CAT Y1, and S1 passed with a timing of 9.24. It was really something to be happy about.

Later, we all went back to camp, and we had a messy breakfast... literally grabbing whatever we had within our reach to eat. Haha... then we went back to the office.. I finished the CO Conference minutes, and then had an impulse to ask my dear sister, Sabbie for dinner to celebrate my passing SOC. Well, I joined 'D' Coy for speed training, and had fun chasing and overtaking them. I was considerably liberated, to be honest, so I'm quite happy.

I met Sabbie for dinner, and I treated her to FIsh and Co. And we just talked like as though there was no tomorrow... there were little pauses, small awkward moments, but overall, I totally enjoyed catching up with Sabbie. We talked about our lives, our feelings, certain people (yes sister, about that guy who stood up ur supper), our past, and some totally random stuff... haha... it's funny... I felt like I was talking to a friend I'm totally close to. I actually started admitting to her my fears... things I'd been keeping to myself for a very very long time... So thank you sister, for everything... you made my clearing of SOC so much sweeter and memorable.

I went back to have this long chat with Maureen over curry puffs and green tea, and it was quite funny. She was like "I think you are stressed. I'm going to conduct an interview for you." Haha... and after which, we went to the mess and I ended up chatting to everyone else... then I went up to bunk to wash up, and slept early, cause I was getting quite tired.

Gabriel's phone alarm went off at 6.15am too, cause he forgot to change it to the normal time, so I ended up teasing him cause I was awakened, and in the end, fell asleep until 7.15am, when I went down for Bn PT. Today's Bn PT was a 3km cadence run, and Hui Chai and I relived our cadet days as we led the Bn in songs. Fun! Hahaha... then after that I went to bathe before I went to the office to settle the WITS project things as well as other things. Then, went for lunch, and 'C' Coy returned from EX HOTCAKE.

We had lunch together, and then after which, watched a really funny show together... haha... then I went back to office to tidy up some things, before I booked out early... and that's where I am now... home... :)

This week... really has been relatively hectic and overwhelming... Many a time I just felt like I needed time off to rest and sleep, but I couldn't because there were just too many things to do... Add on tmr's driving lesson as well as the OVA'S Pierre Rettnam Cup... I'm just hanging on...

Thanks Sabbie, for standing by me and showering me with all the advice... to Gayne, congrats on ending ur promos, REST WELL ok? To Jelli, THE SHIRTS ARE READY!!! Hahaha... our project is going to be completed... yes!

Dear Mandy,

It's CHILDREN'S DAY TODAY!!! And this year, Children's Day was extra more meaningful to me... for a couple of reasons:
1) It was miracle weekend today
2) I managed to meet Ngee Leng today
3) I got promoted today!!
4) 5 more weeks to ORD!!
5) I met the Council guys and we cycled together, making it like a reminiscing trip... we went in a general direction, and made stops to chat... it was good...

But before I go into details about today, allow me first and foremost to cover my week. :)

On Monday, oh darn. I completely cannot remember what happened on Monday. :( Or Tuesday!! Oh my goodness... I just cannot recall what I did... oh.. okok.. I had a pow wow on Monday with S3, and well, I just kinda realised that whoever takes over me will be in for trouble, since technically speaking, he needs to grow into his role- and fast. S3 is really an arrow king... the way he shoots arrows... it's amazing. I sincerely cannot recall what has happened, so I'll just throw in my random thoughts k?

I got appointed as an investigating officer for somebody I totally don't know... and because of that, I have to go down to the DB to record statements, not once, but twice... I'm like -_- lar... As if I don't have enough on my workload to do...? This week I've been trying to rush all the quarterly reports, the Convening Advices, as well as the Dec FOEs, and all these were enought to make my head spin... and now to do an investigation. Sigh.. oh well, since it's already been appointed by CO, I'll just have to do it... I believe God's leaving me a challenge b4 I leave the Force, so I'll just take it in stride..

There was also the soccer semi finals against 40 SAR, who had 8 SAFSA Soccer players, and a player/coach in Keng Yang! So, naturally, we got thrashed quite badly... 6 - 0... and well, along the way, I got plagued by lots and lots of work problems... what with being unable to find a neutral for SOC, as well as Lincoln's ankle giving him problems again... I couldn't really concentrate in the 2nd half, and sadly, I was just... struggling to play by then...

We went back to camp for CO Evening, only for myself to realise that by the time we changed and went to the MPH, the event was already over, and the soccer team were like vultures; foraging for food like scavengers... It was a sorry sight to a sorry game. I know that we didn't feel like we lost very badly, because we played our best, but it just wasn't good enough? But the way we had to rush to pick food really made us look like some sorry party... and I felt really upset.

Come Thursday, I set my motive to clear SOC.. so Gabs and I went to do combat run, and after that, I just... felt like drinking alcohol... honestly. I just felt overwhelmed by everything, and well, it started after combat run. I just sat there, took off my glasses, and let all the perspiration drip off me.. from my face, my arms... and I realised just how... I dunno how to describe it, but just how out of place and emotionally distraught I was. I went out to get dinner, and I was in the "I'm hyper, but internally struggling to keep sane" mood, and I really wanted to drink that night. Gabs stopped me from doing so, and well, so did Ngee Leng, so I'm thankful for them.

Come Friday was the NE Trip, and I learnt a lot from May, our tour guide for the day. Not only did i visit places I've never been before, I also found myself literally viewing life in the past from so many different aspects. Through reading, through visual, through hearing, and I really am thankful for life now. Of course, being officers, we were unable to really throw away the roles we had adopted, ending up having to coordinate everything.... sad... And as I was on the way home, I slipped back into that mood again... and I slept quite long... haha... before I smsed Ngee Leng that night to settle the details for the weekend... And that night... I drank... and felt so much better after that...

Saturday was... well, alright... I spend most of it at home... so yup... and my driving wasn't really that fantastic... I need to improve.

Sunday, or rather, today was fun... the cycling with the guys... was really like a trip to catch up. We had so much fun just cycling and chatting... it was a good 1hr 45mins spent... :) After which, we headed off to Pastamania for lunch, and to celebrate my promotion, I had to treat the guys $4 each. How interesting right? Hahah..

On the taxi ride to Expo, I had an interesting conversation with the driver of the Mercedes Taxi. Hahahhahaha... so fun. Hhaha... anywayz, after that I MET NGEE LENG FOR SERVICE!! Haha.. it's her first time since a looong time... so yeah, I am so happy she came. She's always been a close friend to me, so I treasure whatever time I can have with her... :) She's always been so busy.. I'm just glad I had the chance.. I hope she's happy with the things I got for her.

That's probably it for the week... I'm going to book in now... take care... :)