Dear Mandy...
Suddenly sitting inside the Computer room, having GP lesson, but somehow, my mind is not on the lesson... but I've just been thinking about a lot of things... yeahz... and I don't know, but I think I want to be left alone... really really left alone from everything in the World. I saw/inferred/deduced, or whatever you want to call it, a lot of things in the last few days... and thinking of it, I realised that I'm pretty much not as good as everyone thought me to be, and I seem to see that some people are not acting they way they are around you, and for the first time in a long time, I feel that there's not much point in being myself to certain people... it's not just teachers, it's also students...

I... dunno what to say or do, but I know that there are people out there who need me to be there for them... and I will do that... yeahz... And to be honest, I'm getting more hurt and upset than I normally am... add on the new stressload that the Council has been under, I'm afraid that there's only so much I can take... but how much more can I take? I really am unsure... but I guess I'll go the whole way... but I'm seriously uncertain... Because the person that I needed to be there for me... or one of my two closest friends in Council... seriously isn't there. And yet, she's there for other people. Yeahz... I'm not in the mood to say anything more now, Mandy... but I seriously think that 21st may be closer to me now... then perhaps some members of 20th.

I'm really sad that I had to say that... but perhaps it may be true.

Dear Mandy...

Okayz, not I'm more in the mood to log in... a lot has happened... Elects camp ended not so long ago... and well, to be honest, it brought back a lot a lot of memories... both new and old... and now, at the last hour that I have of the March holidays, I'm reminiscing about the past year... and I really am thankful for a lot a lot of things.

When I first came to VJC, already, I wanted to be part of the Council, even though I didn't know what the Council is all about, I just knew that the Council is one of the best ways to serve the college, so I had my mind set on it. I remember having CHi Ching, Renita, Lay Boon and Carolyn as my interviewers I think... haha... and I became a nominee...

Got bombed quite badly in front of S1 for the faculty speeches and q&a, and well, there was also Nominee's night... haha... everything was quite funny and interesting... and what really was memorable was the sing-a-long we had at the end... yupz...

When I became an Elect, I was shocked... I thought for sure I wouldn't make it. And when those who didn't make it were so upset, I found myself even more determined not to let them down.... and that's when I started to work extra hard...

Elects Camp for us was really a memorable event... If it wasn't for Grace, Jac Tang and Kristy mei... I don't think I'd have been able to survive. The egg session esp... but of course, there were so many small details... and it was thanks to everyone that I managed to get so far...

O2 and Invest went by quickly... and they were memories by themselves... Investiture... our investiture... can't believe it actually went past.... I was nominated to be the ECO head, and I accepted it with some uncertainty, but I was lucky to have gotten a dynamic ECO... Working with my twinnie darling, Dom has been nothing short of a pleasure, and when you start working with ECO... Joanna, Lynette, Priya, Sharon, Sanjay, Samuel, Benny, David, Aseem, Zhe Bin... each time we meet or do a match support, it's a new memory and a new experience each time... Guys, being your ECO head has been a privelege for me... I just hope that to you, I've been the ECO head that you all expected an ECO head to be.

The events all flew by one by one, from our GMs, which I must say Siva and Zhe Bin have done good jobs in chairing, to our ad-hocs... National Day, Farewell Assembly, Openhouse, SDD, O1, to the up and coming Musicfest, 20th has grown from strength to strength... no doubt we had our ups and downs during the course of this journey, but when we look back and see everything... I guess we all can safely say we never regretted joining council.

21st coming in brought new life, and a new outlook on things. We were seniors now... and the words "setting examples" became a more emphasized point. 21st started out as a disappointing batch, with their tags and what-have-nots, and when the 21st Elects were announced, some of the people that we expected to make it, didn't. And when some of the ELects pulled out, we were kinda disappointed. But we knew that we had to hone the 21st... and we tried our very best to.

21st SC Elects Camp... it was a ride I won't forget... I told myself that I would set an example... that I wouldn't do anything less than what the Elects are doing. And I managed to do that... especially in terms of the PT game, which I almost killed myself in doing, but had this great sense of achivement. IN this sense, this camp, Kristy mei and Hui Yi mei were my greatest pillars of support... and i sincerely thank them for it... the guys too, were a great bunch of people to lean on... we shld ton over together more often, u guys! :)

Lastly... I'd like to thank the Council... both 20th and 21st for being there for me, and giving me reason to push myself on for the things I do. Thank you all... especially to the 20TH Brotherhood, and my two closest friends of 20th... Love u all lots...

EXCO: Siva, Zhe Bin, Kaval, Hui Yi, Daniel, Deepak, Edrei
ECO: Dominique, Lynette, Aseem, Sharon, Samuel, Sanjay, David, Joanna, Benny, Priya
RECO: Sara, Sanjeewa, Hui Zhi, Melissa, Stephanie, Samantha, Kristy Koh, Amy, Sangeeta, Jason
WELCO: Kristy P, Jenna, Li Juan, Grace, Zhou Yue, Rachel, Jacob, XuWen, Zahida, Joel

Dear Mandy...
Been a long time since I last logged in, and it's been a wile ride... the 21ST Students' Council ELects Camp is over, and it's been anything but an easy trip...

Seems like in the first couple of days and the first half of the 2nd day, it was a disappointing journey for me... for many reasons... haha...

Ok, no mood to log tonight, just wanna say that the relationship btwn me and her is on the road to good friends... :)

Heyz Mandy...
Been quite sometime since I last logged in here, but well, a lot has been on my mind these past few days, and I also don't know how to make head or tail of whatever I've been going through. Seems as though things between us have deteriorated to an extent that I can't even imagine... we're hardly talking to each other, and well, we don't even say hi sometimes... the extent is that bad...

I guess maybe she likes this guy who likes her too... if anything's the case, I guess it's better that she be happy? I don't know what to do actually... just keep thinking that I'm never going to be able to have a place in her heart at the rate things are going, and I don't want to do anything either, because I'm so scared of how she'll react to the things I may do or say. I hate being stuck in this dilemma, and sometimes, I wish that there was someone in VJC who could comfort me like how Chi Ching, Wendy or Jeng Ying could nwhen 19th was still around. Now in year 2, it's more like "image" and "independence" and well, no one actually stops to think about how people actually feel nowadays... everyone's busy trying to heal, trying to cope, trying to pick themselves up from that pit that they've fallen into, that well, it's kinda difficult for them to do anything else.. handling their own lives by itself is already an arduous task...

Nowadays, even my angel, Shi Ying says that I'm really not myself... very down and upset, but I try to be happy, so maybe that's why... yeahz... it's so difficult to balance everything when you know very well that the person that you're doing this for can never be yours, or can never like you, or isn't even taling to you... but I know that that shouldn't be the case in life, right? You're supposed to live for yourself? But tell me.. how do i do that when I already built my world around her? Haiz... gotta slowly extricate myself from that pit, but perhaps all the plans I made for her, al the little details are never going to come true. Goodbye to the last dance... it'll never happen.

Chi Ching mommy told me that if she doesn't want me, then I shouldn't want her as well... is it realy that way, mommy? I really am at a loss... come back soon k? I need my mommy around... School isn't that nice when you're not around to encourage me... I'm keeping everything to myself nowadays... I really see no point in telling people about them... because what's the point right? I eman, it's my problems, and no one really cares anyway, so how about I just shut up and work my way up? I've done it before, and I'll do it again... I probably can survive and pick myself up by myself... it'd be painful... but it's better than nothing. Because nowadays, all I have is myself. Ironic...

All these feelings have been pent up inside of me for too long actually Mandy, until an extent that I feel that it's quite the way it's supposed to be. I hate myself... I mean, what's the point? I'm just someone who can't do well in everything I try, someone who can't get people to listen, someone who's a facade, someone who's a nobody. Sounds nice... yeah. I think I can classify myself under that category of "hello, I'm a dork."

Take care Mandy... nobody bothers about this fool anyway.