Dear Mandy,

It's the 2nd day of the reading week, and I'm already feeling the stress.
I don't think I can finish everything that looms ahead.

I am making progress on my thesis, but at the expense of ACC1002X and LAK1201 and EL4201. It makes me feel so guilty that Andrea's already forging ahead with EL4201, and I've done almost next to nothing. And then there's the ACC1002X mid-term next week, and the LAK1201 quiz and speech next Thursday too...

So I wonder.. is it because I'm just too lazy, too easily distracted, or what?!
I do enjoy the time I have alone, and with no other major distraction, pretty much like back to JC days where we would just enjoy studying, and then taking a short break for lunch, dinner and the odd fellowship and sports... it was such an enjoyable moment. We dedicated all our time to our studies, and through it we bonded.

But now it feels like I'm back in December in Council days. Where I had to learn to balance out Council commitments with my exams.. and it wasn't much fun..

So... I start to wonder.. is this what it means to die to yourself? I don't know... but one thing's for sure... I'm trying what I can to stay afloat, and I'm literally calm abreast the water, and paddling like mad below.. Thus... afloat.

I'm praying hard that I'll be able to graduate this sem.. and trusting God that though I'm struggling, He'll make a way.

Dear Mandy...

A furore of emotions washes over me once again...

And I realise I really like being a recluse, and being able to live life the way I want to.
I can't function well in a community... yeah. I've said it.
When I get tired, I tend to blabber off at the top of my mind without thinking..
And then I say the wrong things, crack the wrong jokes.

Goodness.

I want to go back to Canada.

Dear Mandy,

As I write this to you, I'm looking ahead to a Korean quiz on Thursday, part of my thesis submission come Friday, a research proposal presentation next Friday, and the continued flow of tutorials, assignments, and quizzes that is common when we start hitting the 5th week of a semester.

And it's challenging.
The more I do my thesis, the more I find myself enjoying what I'm doing, but it's a lot of work, that I have ended up sort of neglecting the other modules, and not as on speed as I would have liked. Which I realised when Ms. Park reminded us that there was a Korean quiz coming up. And I saw the vocabulary that I have yet to remember. And I almost started panicking there and then.

Not good.

But I think God has been faithful. As the recent devotions in the Eternal Life journal speak about how the Lord gave Daniel strength, I think I'm quietly encouraged with the promises that God is going to come through, that God will provide. And above all, that through it all, God is with me. That brings me much comfort. It is a struggle through life, but I'm really clinging onto these promises that He has given me.

And at times like these, He still gives me strength to continue to be there for people I care about and love. Though there are the odd few that I feel awfully guilty that I can't meet up with them as much as I'd like, I just want to let you know that you really mean a lot to me, and though we don't meet as regularly, but I'm keeping you in my prayers daily. =)

Pressing on. =)

Dear Mandy,

As I write in to you today... after sending Isaac off for his exchange at the airport, I found myself wanting to just get on any flight, and just head off. As long as I can get away from SG, as long as I can temporarily put aside the responsibilities and work that I have on my hand, and just... escape.

But I know that's not a long term solution.

And I know that's not the way to go. Somehow, I'll have to come back and face them. Somehow.. it'll just resonate.

So I start to think... Ever since the TDA Competition on 16th Jan 2011, I haven't been able to go for dance. First was CNY SCHC, and then I had to get my work done... and the increasing need to find time to just stone, and get a breather... which makes me wonder...

Isn't dance my breather? Well, yes. It definitely is.. but the need to make sure I'm on schedule seems to overpower it. I think I can do a lot more than I think I can. As long as I sleep less, and I milk every moment for what it's worth. And exhaust myself in the process.

And then it all led me back to wonder what's the purpose of life. Some may say it's to do the things you love, some may say is to follow your heart, some may say that it's making a mark for yourself, making a difference, changing the world.

I think... life is about making a big deal out of God in everything you do.
I love to dance, but I know that I love God more.

So, I have to guard my heart, and be prayerful. To be patient, to remember why I do the things I do. I do them to glorify God.

And that's all I need to know. =)

Dear Mandy,

It's only week 3.

And it's exhausting!!!!!!!!

But I think that God's with me... I actually feel excited about studying.. which is something I've been missing the last semester... =)

Dear Mandy,

As week 2 comes to a close, at the back of my mind, it looms the fact that I've got 12 more weeks till my thesis needs to be completed.

At the back of my mind are all the modules and the workload that will come sometime in week 8 to 10.

And somehow..

I'm calm. I realise the need for me-time (yes, Kristy... I finally do. =D), and time with God.

And to live a life for God.

But it's hard.

So I try.

But many a time, I know.. I'm holding on because God is good, and He is gracious.

Dear Mandy,



Well, today's the first day back to school... and I think that I should be more like Hobbes than Calvin. =)

It was a nice start to the school year with lunch with the NUS-FCBC peeps from the Arts Fac! Samuel, Yew Luck, Zhaoliang, JianYong, Eddie, Charles, Daryl, Deborah, Nessa, Jia Yee, Shu Yan, JuLi, LiNeng, Hee Jhee and the Engine peeps that came along.. it was completely and totally refreshing. I like that we'll be meeting more often. =)

Then I went for Financial Accounting, and... mm... I think it's a bit dry? But I'm resolved to put in my best.. though doubts and worries plague me as I wonder if I should drop Syntax to focus on my HT and my 2 U/Es, but I think I want to try it out first before anything else... If anything, it's also probably a call to be extra disciplined this semester, if I do take everything that is on my plate. =) I'm resolved to try.

So, if I'm going to maintain that optimism, then I'll have to be like Hobbes. To be content with an open, sunny field, rather than all the riches and the power of the world. =) Make the best out of what I can. =)

The Lord is with me. =)

Dear Mandy...

So much has happened in the last couple of days... I feel really thankful that God got me through, and I realise now that when God tests your faith or puts you through obstacles, He's always gracious to provide a way out. And if you remain faithful, then it will really be a beautiful journey.

Over the last few days, as we embarked on the year of Empowerment, I started it sick. And it was quite horrible, actually, and as I looked at the activities that I had ahead of me, I really just felt like crawling under the covers, and just not even popping my head out anymore. But I decided to press on, persevere... and have faith that God will provide.

So amidst all the planning meetings and the dance practices and cell groups and leaders meeting... I found out even before the NUS retreat started that I couldn't graduate without the additional 2 Unrestricted Elective modules. Ok, so I was devastated... Because I was left with 2 options: drop a module, or take 4 modules this semester in addition to my Honours Thesis. I was really considering taking all four, when in the midst of hearing PS Eugene Seow talk to us, I was convicted.

PS Eugene came to speak to us at the NUS retreat. And it was a very casual conversation, but there were so many points that I picked up from it. I really liked what he said about the correlation between value, thought and action, that they should all be in the same direction and aligned. And he shared about how one person has multiple mentors, and about a fluid, dynamic system of cell movement, and finally... about the balancing paradigm of everything that we had.

I think it's a prevalent question that we as Christian leaders, tend to face. We're still young adults, without the full freedom that adults might have, but having a need to balance ministry, church commitments, studies, personal lives and personal commitments. It's a whole lot. And how do we do it. To cut the long story short, PS Eugene talked about bringing the areas close together so they overlap, so that you are merging them together as best you can.

And as he said that, God asked me "Are your modules that important that you are willing to sacrifice a semester, and money just for it?"

Ok, so I was convicted. And when I went over to NUS to do my bidding as I was a station master for a food hunt, I dropped Language, Gender and Text (this being that I had printed the readings and bought the textbooks), and started bidding for Korean 1 and this huge leap of faith in taking Financial Accounting... Once I did so... I decided to do what God's command has always been: 'Love one another'.

So I contacted Min, and asked her if she wanted my readings, and asked Melissa if she'd like to borrow my textbooks. And when I had to leave for the next task, I committed my bidding into God's hands. Went over to HomeTeam NS at Bukit Batok, and had fun at laserquest and catching up with people, especially Shu Yan!

After that I left for cell, and when I reached, I asked Vette if I could check my bidding. God blessed me with Korean 1, and my bid point was the minimum bid. Which means that if I had one point less, I wouldn't have been able to get it! I believe that God blesses us if we're faithful, and according to your faith, it shall be done. When I chose to focus and honour God, and let go of my EL module... I think that God saw the heart? And He was pleased.

Then at cell, Jim spoke about waiting upon the Lord.. to adopt the attitude of waiting by serving, or by waiting in anticipation. Not idle waiting, and we spent time reflecting, and God spoke to me. The Holy Spirit visited our cell at worship yesterday... and all of us were crying, praying, and I felt His presence so strongly. .

So today... I met Prof A to talk about my thesis. AND PRAISE GOD! Hahaa.. I was so apprehensive about it, but Prof A was so nice about it, and she guided me, that now I have a clearer focus on my thesis and my question.

And then went over to NUS Retreat, and there, we were talking about what we can do about community, and I'm so glad that we're going to be meeting more often, and to form and norm more.. I love my NUS friends.. and I'm glad we're going to be more of a family!

And of course, praise God that I got my financial accounting module!!

So despite the big mess... God came through. =)

Dear Mandy,

Happy new Year! =)

God Bless!

Dear Mandy...


Well, looking at this picture, I think that the metaphor for it is quite obvious...

But as I finished off reading "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert, I somehow saw it. In the closing few pages, she talked about a time when she went to this island by herself for 10 days, so that she could come to terms with the hurt, the pain and the negative thoughts that had been plaguing here. On one night, she did this: She meditated for 4 to 6 hours, and in that meditation process, she went through three phases of confrontating her mind: all the hurt, all the anger, all the shame, and through it all, she let them come, and then accepted them into her heart.

Yes. The heart. The heart, where she ends off with, and I quote:
"When all this was finished, I was empty. Nothing was fighting in my mind anymore. I looked into my heart, at my own goodness, and even after having taken in and tended to all those calamitous urchins of sorrow and anger and shame; my heart could easily have received and forgiven even more. Its love was infinite.
I knew then that this is how God loves us all and receives us all, and that there is no such thing in this universe as hell, except maybe in our own terrified minds. Because if even one broken and limited human being could experience even one such episode of absolute forgiveness and acceptance of her own self, then imagine- just imagine!- what God, in all His eternal compassion, can forgive and accept."

And I was like "Yes!" because I think it's so very true. The forgiveness, grace and compassion of our Lord is so great and mighty, that truth be told, many a time, we belittle God's forgiving grace because we wonder if we ourselves are even worthy of being forgiven. That being said, we need to balance it out well also with knowing that we shouldn't take for granted that forgiveness.

But then, what about the outward actions of the heart? I started reading Max Lucado's "Cure for the Common Life", and came to remember one simple truth: All of us are created uniquely and all of us have what Max calls a sweet spot: A gift, an area, a niche, where we were uniquely created to excel in.

And God prompted me to think... do I know the niches of the people under me? Am I helping them to grow and be better in all areas, specifically in their area of expertise? Or am I simply just doing what I think is best for them, and moving in what has been declared as common place? And that really got me thinking...

One thing is for certain. We all have dreams. And most of the time, our dreams are related to our strengths... and then the question comes. What are we, as brothers and sisters, doing to help our fellow brothers and sisters in achieving their dreams? Do we encourage them as best we can, without being unrealistic? Or would that be a question of faith?

They're very gray lines... but I know that God knows. =)

Dear Mandy..

So much has happened in the last few weeks... it's been a very tiring, but fulfilling time.

From helping Victoria out at her camp, Priya getting married, to ICT and the momentary freedom, to being an Uncle, to dance and the EL Christmas party, and to BB Share-a-gift today... so many events, and yet... fulfilling, all of them.

I had so much time to do personal reflection at the camp, that I may not have been doing much, but I spent time with God... digging for the treasure chest that we forgot where we had hid it was another experience in itself. But truly truly, things like these really bond people, and though I wasn't part of their community, but it really led the 5 of us there to bond. It was a nice camp all in all.


Priya got married. 'Nuff said. Here's a picture of our lovely Councillor! =)

ICT was a mixed furore of feelings.. Sis gave birth while I was in ICT, and the rushing around from event to event, the various planning meetings and putting in place the proper procedures and chain of command... it was more of a housekeeping ICT than anything else. BUt I passed my IPPT, and bonded with my men.. so it was quite an experience in itself. =)


Dance was... great! And the EL Christmas party after that was even better. We had so much fun, and stay tuned for "EL's next top model", screening at graduation... the gift exchange, the charades... everything was so fun. =)

And today's BB SGB.. There were many things that happened, frustrations, conflicting instructions, but all in all, seeing the resilience of the Primers, the way they refused to compromise on their quest for excellence, and how they persevered on.. it was a very endearing sight to me.

I guess as Christmas draws nearer, there's much to see and experience. =)

Dear Mandy,

It's December... the year has flown by. Wow.

It's been quite a crazy year, being completely honest. From returning from Canada, to the whole covenant, to starting to serve in so many areas and picking up ballroom dance... it's... a very interesting year.

Would I have done things differently? Definitely for certain things.
Would I have changed anything? That's a hard question to answer.

In every season, there'll always be ups and downs, and as I endeavour to discover who I really am, and to stay true to what I believe in, I also see and realise that there's really much to do, reflect and contemplate about. Increasingly, I think that it's important to do what defines you. It's an amazing thing when you finally see where you need to be, and what really makes you feel like you belong... and in the process, you see who really are your true friends.

It's at times like these, that I wonder if being a linguist is a double edged sword. Trained to read indirect speech acts, and being a sensitive, sentimental being myself, I started to see beyond the locutions of people, and from there, start to realise that there're always so much illocutions behind it. Searle was quite amazing when he created speech act theory... Indirect speech acts cannot always be taken as it's primary form, just like human beings' actions do not always reflect their true nature of self.

I'm probably getting a bit disillusioned myself what with what's going on... but I guess that when I do finally find the courage to effect what I truly believe in, then it'd be a new ball game, but one that I'm hoping would really make changes. Don't get me wrong... I'm not going for a 180 degree change, but it's more of starting to let go when it's needed, and knowing when to be what. And that is something that sadly, I thought would never happen. But as it is with society, and with people, one cannot always be the same in all situations. As it says in Ecclesiastes: there is a time and a season for everything.

Well, what comes out of it, no one really knows. =)

Dear Mandy,



This song made me cry.



This was amazing.

For people who don't know...
Unnie means sister or woman, Oppa means man or brother.

I guess.. these songs really made me rather sentimental. Then again, I am a sentimental being. =P

Dear Mandy,

I came across this from Evangeline's blog... It's quite insightful, but it's also important when reading this, to also rationally cross-examine it. It's very optimistic, which is good, but it is also important to realise that all these happen when you truly find the one you love... The question that is not answered here, is how do we know? =) But still. It is a good read. =)


男人，你懂女孩最在乎的是什么吗？

1.女孩子并不在乎你有没有钱，她在乎的是你会不会发奋努力改变现状；

2.女孩子并不在乎与你生活在一起会遇到困难，她在乎的是你会不会迎难而上，不逃避；

3.女孩子并不在乎你长得有多帅，她在乎的是你能不能给她足够的安全感；

4.女孩子并不在乎你跟你的异性朋友有多好，她在乎的是你能不能一心一意对她好；

5.女孩子并不在乎你送她的礼物有多贵，她在乎的是你会不会时常给她个惊喜；

6.女孩子并不在乎你的志向有多远大，她在乎的是你是不是一个老实做人、踏实做事的人；

7.女孩子并不在乎你有多浪漫，她在乎的是能不能从生活的点滴中感受到你的爱；

8.女孩子并不在乎你的人可以每时每刻都陪在她身边，她在乎的是你的心可以无时无刻不想着她；

9.女孩子并不在乎你在物质生活上给她多大的满足，她在乎的往往是一句窝心的话，那似乎比什么都重要；

10.女孩子并不在乎你现在的境况如何，她在乎的是你能不能让她看到你的未来；

11.女孩子并不在乎你跟她的关系有多亲密，她在乎的是你会不会负责到底；

12.女孩子并不在乎可以分享你的快乐，她在乎的是可不可以分担你的忧愁；
13.女孩子并不在乎跟你在一起吃苦，她在乎的是陪你走到最后的是不是她。

女人不吵了、不闹了、不叫了，就是真的不爱了

女人说要离开，是伤心了，是你让他失望了.

女人明知道你们之间没有未来，却情愿留在你身边做个普通朋友，不是她太贱，只是她舍不得 .

女人故意在你面前提到别的男人，不是她花心，只是想要刺激一下你，让你多在乎她一点 .

女人不主动打电话、发信息给你，不是不想你，是她不够自信，你接到电话、

短信时，是否也同样的想念她 .

如果女人不爱你，是不会对你发脾气的，不要报怨自己的女朋友脾气太怪，女人只对她爱的人发脾气.

女人不是不知道你还有别的女人，她选择独自伤心却不揭穿你，是害怕揭穿后给了你一个离开她的借口.

女人总是在你面前假装很开心，不是她没心没肺，成天傻乐，只是为了在你面前留下最美的样子.

男人 其实你不懂

1 她总是问:你在哪呢?你现在在干吗? (她很想念你,只是想跟你说说话,你不给她发信息,她很矛盾,怕你在忙,但又忍不住想你.换了别人,爱干嘛干嘛,她不关心.所以请你一有时间就问候她一下,让她放心,让她知道你心里有她,她不会烦你.她总是主动联系你,她会觉得她贱.)

2 她说:我不开心了,我好烦. (不要怪她无理取闹,更不能觉得她在烦你,她不是真的不开心,她只是想你了.只是想要你会来安慰她一下,哪怕是:乖,别闹了,听话!)

3 她说:不要感冒了./路上小心./自己多注意…… (不要嫌她烦.因为她知道你不傻,甚至是很聪明的.她只想让你知道她心里有你,她很想关心你)

4 她总说自己又长胖了或者长得不够漂亮. (不要觉得她是在自卑或嫉妒别人,她只是怕自己在你眼中不够完美.她已经在为你改变了.)

5 她总说她想要帮你,要你有什么事一定要告诉她. (其实她知道她帮不了你什么,她只想让你知道你还有她,她永远在会你身边陪你,会一直的支持你,)

6 她看到你跟别的女生亲近一些就会生气,发小脾气. (别说她小气,不信任你,她其实是在吃醋,这表示她十分在乎你.即使心里难受也会自己安慰自己.)

7 无论做什么她总会征求你的意见. (不是她没主见,太过依赖你,她只是尊重你,凡事以你为先.)

8 不管在哪里她总是紧紧的和你站在一起. (她只是在告诉你她信任你.)

9 她爱忧伤,总是会多想. (不要觉得她是想太多,只是有时她会觉得缺乏安全感.)

10 她假装生气转身离开. (其实,她不是真的想走,只是离开的时候希望被挽留.)

11 她会突然冷淡你,或是向你撒娇. (别怪她孩子气,她只是想让你哄哄她.)

12 也许有一天她会跟你说分手. (其实,这个时候她已经喜欢你好久,只是不确定这份感情是不是对的.她只是要你的安全感,你的舍不得,你的不要走……）

一生尽量少谈几次恋爱，经历的太多了，会麻木；分离多了，会习惯；换恋人多了，会比较；到最后，你不会再相信爱情；会自暴自弃；会与你不爱的人结婚，就这样过一辈子。 关 于爱情：不要认为后面还有更好的，因为现在拥有的就是最好的。不要认为还年轻可以晚些结婚，爱情是不等年龄的。不要因为距离太远而放弃，爱情可以和你一起 坐火车的。不要因为对方不富裕而放弃，只要不是无能的人，勤劳可以让你们富裕的。不要因为父母反对而放弃，你会发现因为这个原因而反放弃的爱情，将是你一 生的悔恨。其实对于爱情，越单纯越幸福。

关 于爱情：也许爱情是一部忧伤的童话，惟其遥远才真实。放弃一个爱你的人并不痛苦，放弃一个你爱的人那才痛苦。若是有缘，时间空间都不是距离，若是无缘总是 相聚也无法合意。凡事不必太在意，更不需去强求，就让一切随缘。逃避不一定躲得过；面对不一定最难过；孤独不一定不快乐；得到不一定长久；失去不一定不再 拥有。爱是一种享受，即使痛苦也会觉得幸福；爱是一种体会，即使心碎也会觉得甜蜜；爱是一种经历，即使破碎也会觉得美丽；不要因为寂寞而错爱，不要因为错 爱而寂寞一生。

关于伴侣：伴侣不是结婚时发誓非你不娶或非你不嫁的那个人，而是发现你身上有许多缺点仍然选择你的那个人；伴侣不是生活中你爱吃黄瓜他（她）也爱吃黄瓜的那个人，而是你吃 蛋清他（她）吃蛋黄的那个人；伴侣不是天黑了和你一起手挽手走进饭店的那个人，而是守在门口巴望你回来共进晚餐的那个人；伴侣不是和你大谈爱情，把“我爱你” 挂在嘴边的那个人，而是和你平淡的唠叨柴米油盐、锅碗瓢盆的那个人。在幸福的婚姻中，伴侣已不是一个具体的人，而是你和他（她）在几十年的岁月中沉淀下来的： 一份默契、一份温情、一份平淡、一份理解、一份宽容。爱他（她）就要让他（她）开心，这就是伴侣。

关 于承诺：在古希腊传说中，情侣都将戒指套在对方的中指上，因为他们相信那儿有一根血管直通心脏。所以戒指的意思就是用心承诺！但是人世间有多少爱能生死白 头，又有多少的情可以天长地久？所以你选择共度一生得未必是你最爱的，你最爱的未必能和你共度一生。多少的有情人走不进彼此的今生，只能苦苦地相约于来 世；而多少的男男女女走过爱情走进婚姻却不会再珍惜彼此的付出。所以记得珍惜你爱的人，把每一个平淡的今天当成是彼此相依的最后一刻，好好握紧爱人的手， 即使他（她）容颜已老，即使ta满面沧桑，那也是你记忆中永恒的温馨。别忘了守住对他（她）的承诺，别忘了牵住他（她）的手，一生一世一辈子……

关 于人生：人生如梦，岁月无情。蓦然回首，才发现人活着是一种心情。穷也好，富也好，得也好，失也好。一切都是过眼云烟。想想，不管昨天、今天、明天，能豁 然开朗就是美好的一天。不管亲情、友情、爱情，能永远珍惜就是好心情。记得有一个经典短信这样写着：曾经拥有的不要忘记；已经得到的更加珍惜；属于自己的 不要放弃；已经失去的留作回忆；想要得到的一定要努力；累了把心靠岸；选择了就不要后悔；苦了才懂得满足；痛了才享受生活；伤了才明白坚强；总有起风的清 晨；总有绚烂的黄昏；总有流星的夜晚。人生就像一张有去无回的单程车票，没有彩排，每一场都是现场直播。把握好每次演出便是对人生最好的珍惜。把握现在， 畅享人生！

关 于友情：有一天，友情和爱情碰见。爱情问友情：世上有我了，为什么还要有你的存在？友情笑着说：爱情会让人们流泪，而友情的存在就是帮人们擦干眼泪！朋友 就是：偶尔会为你担心、向你关心、替你操心、想你开心、逗你开心、请你放心。朋友之间，懂得关怀才是难得。伤心时不妨和我说；痛苦时别忘了跟我讲；有病时 别忘了通知我；困难时记得要请教我；失望时要想起还有我；开心时更不要忘记我。朋友的定义，就在于此。我们是朋友，这就够了。

关于微笑：被人误解的时候能微微的一笑，这是一种素养；受委屈的时候能坦然的一笑，这是一种大度；吃亏的时候能开心的一笑，这是一种豁达；处窘境的时候能自嘲的一笑， 这是一种智慧；无奈的时候能达观的一笑，这是一种境界；危难的时候能泰然一笑，这是一种大气；被轻蔑的时候能平静的一笑，这是一种自信；失恋的时候能轻轻 的一笑，这是一种洒脱。不管是有什么事情，为了什么原因，我们每天都要开心一笑~~

关 于生活：日出东海落西山，愁也一天，喜也一天；遇事不钻牛角尖，人也舒坦，心也舒坦；每天领取谋生钱，多也喜欢，少也喜欢；少荤多素日三餐，粗也香甜，细 也香甜；新旧衣服不挑捡，好也御寒，赖也御寒；常与知己聊聊天，古也谈谈，今也谈谈；全家老少互慰勉，贫也相安，富也相安。

关于幸福：相传幸福是个美丽的玻璃球，跌碎散落在世间的每个角落。有的人捡到多些，有的人捡到少些，却没有人能拥有全部。爱你所爱选你所选，珍惜现在所拥有的一切。人活着就是一种心情，把握今天，设置明天，储存永远。只要用心感受，幸福就会永远存在。 人总是对自己拥有的东西不珍惜，直到不再拥有时才会加倍怀念，而在得知自己快失去自己所拥有的东西而又无能为力时，就寻死觅活地不肯放手，歇斯底里往往发生在这个时候，而对于生命的执著确实是到死才放手！
人生，没有那么简单……幸福伴随悲伤，快乐总和痛苦相伴，这就是人生。今天总要过去，明天充满未知，自己活得快乐没有遗憾就好。

Dear Mandy...




I think this is really cute! =) To see YuRi and YoonA feeding the baby, and then after that, to see how the baby chooses Tiffany, who's really been, to me, the most thoughtful and behind the scenes mother, it's really endearing. And I think it brought much joy to Tiffany as well. =)
Arh kids. They sometimes see beyond all the actions, to the one that has the most sincerity or tries the hardest. =) Trust the kid to see Tiffany's silent actions the most. =)

Hmm... on other side notes.. had a really good talk with Joel and Prisc just yesterday, and I've got quite a fair bit on my mind now. And of course, interesting revelations. As I spent QT with God today, I also felt His presence, and His word... it was a nice reminder, and a reaffirmation, and I really was quite encouraged. =)

So, onwards with the papers and the revision, and forwards with much more besides. =)

Dear Mandy,

Somehow just feel that my whole life and my body clock is kinda messed up.

My body clock not just in my dietary habits, and my sleeping habits, but just in general.

I need to motivate myself to study, but it's not happening. I need to really be more proactive, to know what I want. But I let obstacles stand in my way of achieving what I need to.

I don't know. I believe there's got to be a rainbow somewhere out there, but I am holding back from stepping out towards it.

Life as one grows older, really becomes full of responsibilities, commitments, and aims. And with them, just comes that elusive freedom that one wishes one had to achieve them. I want to go to the dance studio to practice, but then there are so many things on my hand that make me think twice about going over. I want to go to school to study, but then there aren't places anymore in the library, and then I lament the long journey out. I should study, but I can't see that light in the distance, and I am just trying to find a reason to believe.

I guess that there are more reasons other than what seems superficial as stated above, but it isn't the right place to reveal them here. I wish that I was still back in JC sometimes, where my time was spent in VJC, with wonderful friends, and the weekends at home, with no major commitments, except spending time with my family, and my assignments and homework. Because I know that time is never on my side, and it's a constant struggle with time.

But... as we grow older, we also get the freedom to do the things we've always wanted to do but never got the chance to. So, it's a trade off, I guess?

So I guess I'll just trust God, and do what I can..

Dear Mandy,

I just watched this movie: "Sand Chronicles", and it is a really good story plot, and the camera angles, as well as the wonderful scenery, make for a memorable movie. Although the story development is a bit slow, but nonetheless, I quite like the slow, tender development, the way the story jumps forwards and backwards, and plays pretty much with the initial analogy given at the start of the movie.

"Sand Chronicles" talks of the story of Ann and Daigo, and their love story. Ann moved to Shimane, a village in Japan set in rural forested area, when her mother divorced, to live with her grandmother. On the way there, her mother and her stop at the world's biggest hourglass, where the sand in the hourglass is set to time a full year. Her mother buys her an hourglass, and together, they continue their journey to Shimane. There, she meets Daigo, and a blossoming friendship begins. Ann's mother commits suicide, and Daigo helps her get through.

When Ann's father turns up, Ann is to move to Tokyo to live with her father. As Daigo and Ann walk along a beach, Ann passes him her hourglass, indicating her love for Daigo, and there, they make their first confessions that they like each other, and a pact to be together. Ann then moves to Tokyo, and thus begins their long distance relationship.

The distance does cause rifts, confusions and a lot of other things for Daigo and Ann, and as Ann went back to Shimane to visit, Ann lets her emotional nature take precedence, and Daigo is badly affected by it. Convicted by Fuji, a mutual friend, Ann runs to find Daigo, and their reunite happily. However, it is short-lived, because Shiiji, Fuji's sister who likes Daigo, plays on Ann's emotional nature, and causes Ann to let go of Daigo, because she doesn't want to be a burden to him. Needless to say, Daigo was broken.

Fast forward 6 years later, and Ann comes back to attend a gathering, bringing with her her fiance. In attending the reunion, Daigo arranges to meet Ann. When they do, he returns her the hourglass at the same beach that she gave it to him, and Daigo wishes her all the best. They part as friends, but Ann and Daigo both think back to the past in their own quiet moments.

Ann's husband finds out about the cause of death of Ann's mother, and in a heated argument, the engagement is annulled. Badly affected and emotional, Ann breaks the hourglass given to her, and it heightens her depression. She does what her mother did years ago: slit her wrists, and die at the beach. Daigo, aware of her absence through Ann's grandmother, goes to the beach to find her, and saves her.

Almost 6 months later, Ann and Daigo meet at the largest hourglass again to witness the changeover of sides and the sand was reaching the end of one year. At the same beach, Daigo proposes to Ann.

I like the movie, because of the scenery and the way that it was filmed? But I find that the way the camera angles and the still shots are done are amazing. Kaho and Matsushita Nao have really great on-screen presence, and the emotions captured are good. Of course, I feel Claire Danes still does on-screen stills and face focus shots best, but Kaho and Matsushita Nao do it relatively well.

I like the analogy that was given at the start, when the then young Ann played by Kaho was given the hourglass by her mother. Her mother said "The sand in the upper part represents the future, the passage that the sand passes through is the present, and the sand in the lower part represents the past." Then Ann inverts the hourglass, and said "Now the past is also the future." I was impressed with how the story turns one full plot around, to represent that... because Ann went through what her mother went through, but the difference is that she survived and she learnt an important lesson and became much stronger, evident when she accepts Daigo's proposal through confidently saying "leave your happiness in my hands."

I also really like this quote that Daigo said to Ann when she expressed her desire to be stronger. He said "坚强来自柔弱." And this is amazing. It's like.. the theory of judo or taichi, where the soft can overcome the hard... I think in the Bible, many parables and paradoxes apply this strategy too, like how "a gentle answer turns away wrath." and so on... and I really like it.

So, from this movie, what's my take on it? Love comes when you least expect it, and love is quietly doing all you can for the happiness and bliss of your other half. It doesn't matter if your other half never finds out, because you don't expect reciprocity, and you don't expect anything in return. You just want the other person to be happy.

And that should be what love is. It ties in really well with my previous post on why we give. We give because we want the other person to be happy, and we do the things that help the other person to be successful. We don't do it from our perspective, but we do it from their perspective. Trying to assure them, applying their love language, being unconditional yet sincere... it's hard to define love? But 1 Corinthians 13 does it relatively well, but there's more to learn, and more to see.

I trust that someday, I too will experience this sort of tender sweetness. =)

Dear Mandy,

As I have returned from the BOTC Residential Weekend, I have to admit, it has been a very very good break, and one that drew me back to being a tad reflective, because I was in close proximity with nature.

Imagine. Waking up to catch the sunrise off a beautiful jetty. It kinda sums up the entire experience.

There were so many memories that have been made there..

1) Showering, and with my hair shampooed, the water supply gets cut off. Thank God for angels like Javen who passed me a 1.5l water bottle filled with water so I could wash off.

2) Latin American Ballroom dancing helps you balance. =P

3) Paintball is a painful affair...

4) I climbed a coconut tree, and was one rung short of completing it. Oh well.. but kudos to Xiao Yun, Yvette and Poon who completed it! =)

5) Water obstacle courses can be rather interesting.

6) I wanted so badly to stay at the Tanjong Piai Taman Negara Mangrove nature reserve for a longer period of time because of the sea, the breeze, and the tranquility that came at this jetty where it had this big signboard directing you and telling you the distance to various countries in the world... It was amazing. =)

7) We cooked using solid fuel and charcoal on pots, pans and mess tins. I helped cook the vegetables, but the meal that all of us combined to whip up was fantastic.

8) We creatively used coconut husks and dry grass as substitute fuel when we ran out of fuel.

9) It was so much fun to be driven by a tractor up 1.7km just so that we could complete the trek that we set out to do. The locals are so helpful.

10) I made lots of new friends, and drew closer to my NYP Mentors.

11) I sat by the jetty and watched sunrise. And I didn't even feel sleepy.

The sunrise epitomised what this weekend did for me. It was a weekend of hope. Hope that things would be better, hope that we would be better equipped to lead, hope that we can make a difference.

I don't know... but as I head back to reality and the pending examinations, part of me really wants to stay back at Tanjong Piai, or to fly over to Canada right away.

But the Lord has plans for me here in SG. So I will be diligent.

Trust me... I know it won't be easy, and I may struggle. But in the end, I will trust God... For He will provide, as He did the residential weekend for me to rest, have fun, and rekindle my hope. =)

Indeed, it's a new sunrise in my heart.

Dear Mandy,

THE ULTIMATE PROTEST

"Although the Bible usually speaks to broad principles rather than specific guidelines on monet, it does present one action open to all of us. We can disarm the power of money, and we do that by giving it away.

It made no sense for a widow to donate her last few pennies to a corrupt and crumbling institution in Jerusalem. But in that woman's act, Jesus saw a moving display of the proper spirit of money. It is best used when we give it away.

Gordon Cosby of the Church of the Savior in Wshington, D.C. tells the story of a widow whose income was barely adequate to feed and clothe her six children. Every week she had been faithfully placing four dollars into the offering plate. A deacon suggested that Cosby go to the widow and assure her that she could put the money to other use for her family's benefit.

Cosby followed the deacon's advice, to his everlasting regret. The widow responded with great sadness. "You are trying to take away the last thing that gives me dignity and meaning," she said. She had learned a key to giving, which she was clinging to at all costs.

The key is this: the main benefit of giving is in it seffect on the giver. Yes, people in Africa and India need my fnancial help, as the fund-raising appeals urgently remind me. But in truth my need to give is every bit as desperate as their need to receive.

The act of giving best remindsme of my place on earth. All of us live here by the goodness and grace of God - like the birds in the air and the flowers of the field, Jesus said. Those creations do not worry about future security and safety; neither should we. Giving offers me a way to express my faith and confidence that God will care for me just as God cares for the sparrow and lily."
- Philip Yancey, Money booklet

As I pondered on this over a night reading about 4 to 5 days ago, I really wondered.

Every one talks about how giving is more blessed than to receive, and I do agree to that. But has anyone ever discussed about over-giving? In relationships I know that this is discussed, but what about as a person in our normal everyday relationships...

I don't know, but I kinda believe in a ideal world (ok, make that MY ideal world), there is such a thing as mutual reciprocity in everything. Meaning that people both give and take. Perhaps when we look at the Bible, where it says "It is more blessed to give than to receive", I think that it is in the context of giving to the people in need, who really need it? And the important thing that I think we tend to overlook is the heart in giving. Are you giving out of love, or out of sympathy, or what? This is, to me, equally as important as the act of giving, because it is what encompasses the essence and the meaning of the word give.

We don't give because we are told to, or we are ordered to, or we feel compelled to. We give because we WANT TO OUT OF LOVE, and that is what makes us smile and feel blessed. Because when we give out of love, we are giving to help make them successful, and we're giving because we genuinely want what's best for them, and we're considering from their point of view. With that in mind, then sometimes, not helping can be a form of love. It all boils down to what is your definition of giving: are you giving from your perspective of what might benefit the other person, or are you giving for the other person's benefit?

Dear Mandy,

And just as I made that previous post, heard some news that made me think twice about it.

Of course, what I feel is that have I been immersed in myself that I forgot to consider the other's well-being and opinions?
I'm wondering.

Dear Lord,
Show me what I have done wrong, correct me if need be. Let my heart be yours to mould and transform, and let the outward manifestation reflect Your inward transformation in me. Help me to improve, and teach me Your ways.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.