Dear Mandy..

There are times when I know that we all feel alone in this world.

We really want to find someone who cares, and someone who's willing to accept us for who we are, and who thinks from our perspective.

It's really ironic sometimes, when you find that the people who you really care about, sometimes take you for granted? And it's also even more ironic, when you realise that you're particular about small, little things that let you know that you matter. Because it's the little things that count.

But then... am I being too sensitive, I find myself asking that question..

But then.. for some reason, I realise that it's really the more you care for someone, the more you open yourself up to them. You trust them, and you somehow believe in certain things about them... that they'll be there for you. That they'll be sensitive to you. That they'll be able to tell when things are wrong. But it's funny how when you've been hurt before, and you really need their considerate natures the most.. that they sometimes fail to rise to the occasion. And then you hide back into a shell that you know you should have stayed behind all along.

But then again, think about it. Am I like that for others? Am I as sensitive as I am to them? Because I doubt that I have been, so do I have the right to deserve such things?

Point being... in the end, we're all selfish people. It is only by the grace of God that we are able to do certain things.. so I really wonder...

What is the purpose of all these things to begin with anyway? What is the purpose of life? Sure... people say as long as you walk right with God, you wouldn't have all these thoughts.

Easier said than done... and before we make such blatant comments... perhaps we should evaluate ourselves, and ask ourselves if we're really doing that very thing right?

Because I think that there's always something to learn, and in this case, the apparent paradoxical nature of it all.. I wonder... what will the end result be? I don't know, and being honest, I'm worried about what the outcome might be from all these...

I'll just be prayerful.

Dear Mandy..

Sometimes it's kind of strange to realise how life can really turn you 360degrees around and land you back at the same spot.

And above all else, I sometimes feel that there's more to it than just that. There's so much to do, so much to learn.

And I'm extremely thankful for the wonderful friends that I've met along the way...
Audrey, my dearest best friend.. thanks for being there all the time.
KT and Vonne, my guardian angels.. =)
And the tribe, my beloved 20th, and among others more.

What can I say? I'm just a jumble of thoughts. =)

Dear Mandy,

Happy Chinese New Year and Happy Valentine's Day.. =)

It's a day that encompasses meeting up with relatives that are long not met, as well as a day where lovers celebrate a day of love. For me... it seems that this year, it's a tad slower and wistful than normal.. for a few reasons I guess?

Sis is getting married, so this is technically the last CNY I have to spend with my beloved sister who's seen me grow all this while. Though we've had our rough patches, and due to the work that we both have, haven't had all that much time together, I know I'm going to miss her. Sis is and will always be an integral part of my life, and as time slowly but surely passes, I know that this intensity will just get more and more strong. I'm happy for sis that she's moving on to the next phase of life, but similarly, a tad wistful that it's going to also mean farewell. =)

Perhaps I'm just not suited to think of it as Valentine's Day, but more of just hanging on to know that it's going to be just another day that's special. But I wish all couples out there a happy Valentine's Day, and I pray that you'll be richly blessed. =)

These days, I think that the workload's going to start getting more and more, and this break isn't going to be too much of a break as I want to get work done, start on my projects and essays, and to get ahead on my readings.. but I know that with the Mid Terms that are coming, I'm going to have to make time for those as well, but I want to do well. There're so many responsibilities to balance out, so many people that I want to make time for because they mean so much to me, and above all, the need to find some... "me time". I've really appreciated the ability to have that kind of time in Canada... time to just space out, to do the things that I want to do, have time to just... read the things I want to read, and all these while still being ahead of my own game.

I never knew that it'd be such a huge difference in adjustment upon coming back, but I guess that it's really true when you say that the grass always is greener on the other side. I just need to get back into that rhythm, and stop finding excuses for the things that I haven't done. I need to be more optimistic, and I need to remember that it's so much easier to give into sadness, because that's surrender... There's a battle to fight, but I want to know that God will be with me so I will be strong and I will make it through.

That being said.. there are so many questions that are going through my head as well.. and I know that there's no need for me to get the answers now, but I really wish I knew. Oh well. =)

Dear Mandy,

I tried this thinking quiz.. this is my result. Rather apt for my major, don't you think? =P

Some people have a strong preference for one style of thinking, and find some skills come more naturally than others. Other people tend to adopt different thinking styles in different situations.

This test gives you an idea of what your current thinking style or styles are. But remember - the brain is a very adaptive organ. You should be able to improve your performance in any one of these categories with practice. The Renaissance ideal

The leading thinkers of the Renaissance were not just experts in their own field. The renaissance scholar was expected to master all branches of knowledge.

With his insatiable desire to know everything, Leonardo da Vinci is often held up as the ideal Renaissance man.



You are a Linguistic Thinker
Linguistic thinker

Linguistic thinkers:

* Tend to think in words, and like to use language to express complex ideas.
* Are sensitive to the sounds and rhythms of words as well as their meanings.

Like linguistic thinkers, Leonardo made meticulous descriptions in his journals. He also made an effort to learn Latin - a foreign language

Other Linguistic Thinkers include
William Shakespeare, Sylvia Plath, Anne Frank

Careers which suit Linguistic thinkers include
Journalist, Librarian, Salesperson, Proof-reader, Translator, Poet, Lyricist

Dear Mandy,

Somehow, I think back on what I've heard over the last years, and today, one comment came to mind...

"You cannot trust everything you read. You have to discern, check the author's credentials."

And somehow, I wonder.. whatever happened to trust? When did it become so difficult to trust, and to believe? How has our world evolved to become one that seemingly is so different, that seemingly... is cold, hostile.. that a kind act out of sincerity can even seem to be interpreted as devious, scheming...? It's a sad thought!

I realise that no matter how the author writes, it's possible to find positives and learning lessons to take away. So in that respect, every author is good, because there's always something we can learn. We choose how we want to see the world.. positive or negative? Which comes back to the point of even in times of adversity, can we still find it in us to give praise and thank the Lord? It's all a choice, an attitude of the heart, and that is what the Lord sees. He does not give us more than what we can bear... but He challenges us enough so that we know that without Him, we can truly do nothing.

It's a bit of an unearthly paradox, but one that I feel, and strongly believe, is one that moulds us to become who we are today. It's an interesting outlook, but one I want to try to adopt.

I'll be optimistic as best I can... but I also know, that my God is the reason why I can smile. =)

Dear Mandy,

As the second week of this semester starts, I somehow wonder about a lot of things.

I've never been this overwhelmed at the start of a school semester, but I have been.
I've never been behind on my readings at the start of a school semester, but I have.
I've never has a presentation on the 2nd week of school but I had.
I've never had a semester where I don't have classes with Isaac and Jasmine, but I do.

The list could go on and on, but I've decided that I want to count the blessings that I've been given, instead of the losses or disappointments I've encountered.

I made lots of new friends in my modules: people like Steffi, Ying Le, Andrea, Sabrina, Shirin, Amelia and Bang Rui.
I realised that it's alright to have an eye candy (ok, this is just in for comic purposes).
I realise that responsibility is actually a privilege, as it exemplifies the trust that people have in your capabilities.
I got a very apt "back to school" package from emo-buddy! =D
I'm starting the year with really good friendships. I'm still awfully thankful that I've got Aud, KT, Vonne, Vette, Prisc and KristyK around. =)

And when you stop to think about the blessings that you've been given, you're actually starting to focus more on the happy things. I think these days, I could use all the happy vibes I can get. =) Life's just too short to be dreary all day long.

So I know that there'll be times I'll start thinking too much, slip back into that feeling sorry for myself mood, but I know at the very least, I'm blessed, and I'm loved. =)

Dear Mandy,

Well, to those who don't know, I'M BACK IN SINGAPORE. Nice sunny Singapore, with the familiar faces, the nostalgic food, and the new challenges that lie ahead.

I've got quite a fair bit of stuff on my platter, but I'm kind of relishing the challenge that I'd have to balance out everything with my studies this semester. I'm going to believe God gave me these responsibilities for a reason, and I know that He'll see me through.

I do miss Canada though.. there's no two ways about it. I miss being close to nature, the quiet tranquility of my surroundings, the fun and good lecturers, and the friends I've made while I was there. It has been quite an experience, I've learned a lot. And now it's time to get back to reality, and to use what I've learnt to teach, learn, improve... and to make a difference to the community in Singapore.

THere're issues that I know I have to address soon with God, but for now, I've been suppressing and pushing them away. Well... I guess that when it resurfaces, God probably wants me to deal with it... Just wondering why. =)

Dear Mandy,

I've finished my exams here in UVic, but instead of the normal euphoria that I would feel in NUS after finishing my exams, I feel relief, and a twinge of sadness, because this is it. It's the end of my school life here, and as I'm in the library typing this, looking out the library's window to the quiet, peaceful, serene campus of UVic, I gotta say that I'm actually a tad wistful.

It's been great here. I don't have to say more. I love the people, the community, and even my lessons.. if anything, that's just been an awesome experience that I really can't wish for anything more. Sure I've had my ups and downs in this place, and it's also been a journey of growth and learning. But above all else, as I look back... I see how God has blessed my SEP, and how I am certain, and confident that I'm more prepared, rested and ready for what may come when I head back to SG.

Of course, I'm not saying I'll ever be fully prepared, and God has kind of prompted me that it's going to be quite a bit of things to do when I head back... be it church, school, personal life.. let's just say that this might be the last long break that I'm going to have from responsibilities for quite some time. On this journey, I discovered more of who I am, and what I want. Also, discovered that there's a whole new culture and life out there that no one can really know and have enough of. I know for certain I'm going to miss the community here... heck, I'm already missing them already, seeing how they've all flown off to their separate parts of Canada, and soon, so will I.

Heading back to SG... mixed feelings, definitely. But it is what I have been called to go, it is where I have to be. At least until the Lord tells me otherwise, this is where I'm to be. Though I'd love to stay here in Victoria and do stuff for the homeless here where I've really seen a real need... but it's either not my calling, or not my time. So back to SG it is. =)

My last days here in Canada. =) Je'taime Canada! =)

Dear Mandy,

The time here has come down to the last 16 days, and how do I feel? Mixed.

There's really so much to let go of, but the truth being that it's not just about Canada, UVic, or the people and community that I've met and lived with... but it's also stuff back in Singapore that I've gotta let go of. I have this feeling that I'm not the same person that I was when I left Singapore., and that I've grown up more, and even a tad more mellowed than normal. And I think that that's good. =)

It's definitely a lot of things that I'm thinking of, a lot of things that I know that I have to reflect on, think clearly about, and a lot of things that I'll have to do upon my return. I don't know how my adjustment back to SG would be, but hey... I'll walk trusting the Lord for that. =)

But it's definitely easier said than done! Meredith Grey said in an episode in Season 5 : "Every minute in life is borrowed time... so we push each loss as far away as we possibly can." How so true... how so true.

Dear Mandy,

There often comes a time when God drops His little nuggets of reminder, or inspiration, or revelation, and you can only just stand in awe of Him.

I went to the Mustard Seed today. It was the IVCF's last week of serving and cooking for the homeless, and it was fun. Initially, there were only a few people: Gareth, Cai, Greg and Adam when I came over. Then subsequently, more people came. Elizabeth and Marie, Brittany, Janice and Amanda, Allie(Ally? Ellie?) Luke and a couple of guys who I don't really know came over as well. And it was fun. What with lettuce fighting with Elizabeth, spraying water from the lettuce over Marie, and basically just having all rounded fun and laughter.

When the homeless people came, and we served them, we were efficient. That I've gotta admit. The mad rush was.. well... mad. And if anything, the desserts were selling like hotcakes! And I had fun serving, and chatting with the people. Cutting up the cakes into small slices was the hardest task of the day.. Allie, Amanda, Janice and I were just exerting brute strength to cut the cakes, and it was by no means an easy task, cause the cakes had been placed in the freezer.

But that night, God revealed more to me, not just in fellowship and serving. But in simple truths.

I met Jeffrey that night, and how we met was absolutely funny. He asked if he could have another serving of chilli and rice, and well, I just gave it to him, and we started talking. He was working as a construction worker, and his hands were extremely callused and hardened. But he was happy. And he told me that he used to be a bad person. Moving from one rehabilitation institution to another, just a man angry at the world, and just on drugs and smoking. And he still is, but he's better now. And now, he told me "people are beautiful." He'd sleep on the streets if it meant that his friends could pay their rent. He'd be willing to go hungry if he can help his friends out with their debt. And he was happy- contented. And life is going well for him, because he was in the midst of discussing an investment with the bank. But... he was still smoking pot, and he drank beer? But he had cut down his intake by almost half, and the friends that he helps out, are all rallying him, helping him cut the habit. And I think he even has a girlfriend.

BUt what he told me was so impactful. He said.. "All you really need is a little bit of faith, you know? That with hope and love, and everything is just beautiful. I never thought I'd be able to get a job, but here I am, working hard, and earning my money. It's meaningful, you know?" And I was struck by the simplicity of his statements. Here was a man, with literally no home, working hard manual labour, but with the optimism and love of a little child. It reminded me of a verse I read in the Bible which says that the poor are always more willing to give than the rich... I think this is very much exemplified here. And before he left, he gave me a big hug, and said "People who don't like hugs must be nuts". And then off he went, into the rain and cold, but leaving behind me, with much wonder in the words he said, and knowing God had spoken through a homeless man like him.

After that, we had a bit to bite, and we cleaned up a bit. And I went outside to play with a dog, feeding it water, and it has such beautiful blue eyes! Then when I came back in, Allie was about to go, and we chatted for a while. And Allie said "don't underestimate the smallest thing that God prompts you to say. It could mean something to someone. I really want to thank you for sharing that song and testimony about your friend who was locked up for her faith. It spoke to me, and it assured me, because I was once like that too." And I was so astounded. I really like Allie, being honest. She's rather quiet, and keeps to herself, but she has a sense of humour that when she says something, it's actually rather funny. And she's always calm, composed, and I can tell, she's someone who really loves God. And that really reminded me of things. That if God has prompted you to do something, even if it's really weird, do it. Because you never know who you might be blessing in the process.

Well, as the day came to a close.. I thanked God, because I know that He was there, He worked through us, and all glory to God.

Dear Mandy,

As I'm sitting here, the day after "Exchange for Change Culture Fair", I look back on what has happened, and have been going on, and I marvel, because I see how God has been in it the whole way through.

Exchange for Change (Back row, L to R): Sherri, Martes, Stephen, Jet, Josh, Peter (Front row, L to R): Barbara, Emma, Me, Takashi, Tomoya (Not in picture): Juliet

When the project first started, we went through a slow start... choosing a beneficiary for our project, and discussing over it, splitting into committees... And then that's when the difficult part began. Coming from different cultures, Exchange for Change (EFC) is actually made up of people from England, Australia, Hong Kong, Japan and Singapore, and we all had to work together. Seeing clearly the meaning of Sociology when they say culture differences, each country actually had a uniquely different style of working and functioning.. or maybe, it's just an individual thing. On a couple of occasions, I was silently stewing over the progress of the meeting, and at times, certain characters and comments made at certain times. It got so bad, that I actually found myself praying to God for patience and tolerance, simply because of this simple thing: culture difference.

Then came the period of stress. Half our committee went travelling over the reading break, and there was communication breakdown. Coupled with venue problems, booth issues, and publicity matters, it seemed like the event was struggling. But then, I remember reading once before, a story in Joshua Harris' book, "I kissed dating goodbye", about this boy's birthday party, where his dad requested that all his friends come with their fathers, sort of like a male fraternity party. But each father brought a gift to give to the kid. One father gave the birthday boy a nail remover. And he said "There will be days when you realise after building a house, that you've made a mistake. What would you do? Carry on building and risk the safety of those living in it, or start over from scratch and waste time and money? Well, these are the times when you would realise it's better to take the house down nail by nail, and to start from scratch. It would take an immense load of courage to do so, but it moulds character, and it is what God does with us."

With that thought in mind, I agreed with scaling down the event, and Josh and I proposed an alternative Plan B in case it doesn't come through. So the moment reading break ended, God prompted me to go and meet Sherri, the International and Exchange Student Services student advisor for this project, and to discuss and update what has been going on. Then came more whoppers, when some previous connections that we had established to help set up booths in the event could not be contacted. At this moment, I was really a tad worried.

Would you believe God knows? One Saturday, feeling overwhelmed, I wanted to click on Joel's msn to talk to him, or to e-mail Audrey, Yvette or Prisc.. and then Audrey came online so I could talk to her, and the next day, Joel msn-ed me, and even gave me a long distance call. And this is what he told me "God doesn't care about the end result; He cares about your heart. You're too used to organising good events, aiming for perfection, that when it comes to a time when this event isn't going well, you feel like the burden's on you. But carry the Lord's burden, and the Lord looks at the heart, and your attitude. What is your decision?" That day, I knelt before the Lord at night, and I prayed to commit the event into God's hands.

I was reminded of this song by Avalon, called "The Greatest Story":

"You cannot measure worth by human standards
That's always a lie.
Oh you have to see through heaven's eyes how

Your life
Woven day by day
Is a new design
Of the glory God displays
From the canvas of creation
To the poem of history
In the pattern of redemption
Running through the tapestry
Your life in Christ could be
The greatest story ever told"

So with that, I agreed with Josh's proposal for Plan B, and we decided that inevitably, we would have to scale down the event. God prompted me to go and meet up with Sherri, the International and Exchange Student Services advisor for the project, and we felt more allieved when she said she would look into finding an alternate venue. This that despite news that there were some problems contacting the Chinese Student Scholars Association regarding their setting up of a booth, it didn't affect me too much, because I took by faith that God was in control, and the event is in God's hands.

Daily I prayed for the event. And as God would have it, at the second last meeting before the event on the 27th Nov, everything happened. First, the Association for International and Canadian Students Society helped us book a place at the Student Union Building, and a Bangladeshi group had expressed interest in joining us. And if that's not all, we had plenty of donated prizes for the raffle draw! New Balance donated prizes, as did a bookstore and a cafe down at Caboro Bay, and so did some of the members on the Committee! And in one day, we started rolling. Posters were done up, raffle tickets were done up, and the handicrafts were ready to go.

The posters were up that coming Monday, and we started to publicise our event. Then, the CSSA said they couldn't help us due to other commitments, but they donated prizes to our raffle draw. The meeting ended earlier than normal, so that we could all go and do our own preparations for the fair. I headed home, Juliet and Beth came along, and we backed two batches of brownies (which are really nice), friendship bracelets and some administrative documents for the event tomorrow. I did get frustrated at some points in the night, Aud and Yvette know what it's about, but thank God that He got me through. Martina McBride is also a really good singer to listen to for late night stints... I survived the night on her Christmas album. =)

Woke up early and headed to school to set up the place for the event, and it was amazing. We got everything done in about an hour, and we had our first customer as early as before our opening time. That was truly amazing, honestly, because it was from my Psycholinguistics Class! Praise God, because it was like He was affirming me that it's going to work out. The weather was sunshine as well (it'd been raining non-stop), and that further affirmed me. I had to go for class, but I was certain that things would go well.

Imagine when God gave me a B+ for my Grammar test! All along I'd been getting B- for the last 2 tests... I jumped two grades!! Talk about amazing... which made me really excited (despite the lack of sleep). I went back, and well, we never really had a crowd? But we did make a substantial amount of donations, and sale of raffle tickets by then. What's important is that I felt God with me, and everyone had fun and bonded. So much so, that we were joking, laughing, and generally accepting that whatever will be will be.

We made $706 from the whole cash donations, and that's excluding the other donations that we got, like socks, sleeping bags and general utilities, so it was a successful event. And it was all that I could do, except to stop and say "thank you God", because He saw me through. He really saw the event through. So praise God and all glory to Him. =)

Our beneficiary, "Our Place" is a place for the homeless people of Victoria. They provide lodging, healthcare, showers, free meals, but are only open for 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, due to lack of funding. But the place is run, established and visioned by Reverend Allen Tysick, who's an amazing man. A bit on the rough edges, but passionate about what he feels God has called him to do; serve the poor and the homeless. Not an easy call, definitely. But something he does with gratitude and humility.

I'm just awed by God in all of this. =)

Dear Mandy,

I'm sitting in Vertigo at the SUB now, with a nice teriyaki chicken wrap in my hands, a bottle of blueberry and cranberry juice before me, and a nice clique of Linguistic majors before me.

There's Megan Harris, who's quite the affectionate woman; almost like a big sister. Meghan Cobbs is this really smart woman. Maciel is really calm, and composed. And then there's Christine, who's like this energy bubble who's like a little sister to me. Yes yes, my clique of Ling325 people, and they're all amazing. We were discussing the 5th assignment of LING325, and it's interesting to hear the different viewpoints of each individual about the questions, and I really think that they're an amazing bunch of people. =)

And of course, there's LING370A, where my lab experiment group consists of Janine, Susan, Sarah, Meara and Dominic. We're a rather diverse and extremely fun-loving bunch of people who still manage to get work done efficiently. I'm just quite glad that I managed to find such wonderful people amongst the Linguistic fraternity.

So, pretty much, even in class, I find peace and friendship! And I LOVE IVCF! Wonderful group of people who serve God... though there are some aspects of IVCF that took some adjusting to because it's different in Singapore, but I do feel the Lord working in IVCF, and how they're a group of people finding their way in knowing God. =)

So while I'm heading back soon, trust me when I say I'm going to miss this group of people who are fantastic. Completely fantastic. =)

Praise God for His provision.

Dear Mandy,

There comes a time when you realise that it's not about you; it's about God.

I always wondered why God made me do a 40 day fast from meat, and to do a fish and vegetable diet... I found out just today.

I've been cooking the last couple of days. Cause it's the reading break, my landlords went to Tofino, and so, I was left at home. And the weather outside is frightful. Haha.. So I bought stuff, and I cooked. =)

Of course, being a novice, I'm not that keen to cook and experiment with meat... Admittedly, I'm seeing more green on my plate than any other colour, mostly because, well, vegetables, to me, are easier to cook. =) So, when my friends came over yesterday to crash, and I cooked for them.. they mentioned that it's mostly vegetables. And even today, when preparing lunch, they mentioned the same thing... and God reminded me of my fast. If I hadn't done that fast, I probably wouldn't have felt so comfortable with vegetables here. And it made me wonder about the immense awesome nature of our God. Truly amazing stuff.

And for the fish? Fish is RARE here. Haha.. unless I choose to go for the fish and chips, which I truly don't mind, except that it's kinda expensive actually. So I had my fair share of fish in the fast, and now, I'm truly truly comfortable food wise.

But what about other things? What about the friendships we hold? I'm glad that I've found a little clique here, and they've been an awesome bunch to be around and have fun with! God's provision is really sufficient. =) And yet, I miss the people back home. From what I know, there're a lot of changes, a lot of new adaptations. But through it all, I pray God's hands be upon it, because in all honesty, I don't know what else it could be. And well, even if it's something that isn't good, God can turn it around. There's a lot to be anticipatory about, and in that light.. I'll be prayerful.

Dear Mandy,

A song that God placed in my head this morning:

"You are welcome, more than welcome
To abide in this temple
To reside in this place.
You are welcome, more than welcome
Holy Spirit come and take Your place.

We are gathering together
To worship at Your throne
To exalt the name of Jesus
To worship Him alone
He is worthy of our praises
So we lift our voices high
Spirit come...
Take Your place...

You are welcome, more than welcome
To abide in this temple
To reside in this place.
You are welcome, more than welcome
Holy Spirit come and take Your place."

Lord, be with me as I go through this day. =)

Dear Mandy...

Well, as November has begun, I'm somehow torn. I'm quite tempted to explore the possibility of extending my exchange stint here, because well, the linguistics education here is really good. I'm learning a fair bit, and the constant assignments and submissions, albeit tedious, but they have really allowed me to constantly practice what I've been learning, and the interactive nature of classes, and the closeness of the lecturer all make me think that I can benefit here in terms of my education.

But there're a lot of factors that are involved in this whole thing as well. The major administrative hassles from the major institutions... the financial aspect... and a whole lot more. But well, I'll pray about it. If God wants me to stay here, He'll show me. =)

Had my first Bible study class yesterday, and it was great. Really great. I saw the chapter in the book of John so much more intensely and in depth than I've ever been before, and I really felt that there is so much more about the good Lord that I have yet to discover. Sure, I'm knowing Him more and more, but there's still a vast universe about Him that He wants me to know. So, while I'm typing these, I'm rather ecstatic for what is to come. And I firmly believe in Him.

So, Lord, here I am. =)

Dear Mandy..

I so miss you all, 20th.

Dear Mandy,

I might be lying if I said that I didn't miss the people back home, or that there are times that I actually feel quite alone, and wish that I had my closest friends near me.. A small handful.. Audrey, Prisc, Yvette, KT, Yvonne, Gayne, Jacob and Zhiyuan. 8 pple. Haha..

But then.. I do like my community here. Jim and Nicola, Juliet, Beth and Angie... wonderful people. And of course, who can forget IVCF! They've really helped me settle in, and I've really enjoyed the time I spend with them. But when I realistically sit down and think of it.. they won't be my community. The ministry I serve. They'll be good friends, and hopefully, long friendships, but they won't be the community I will be hanging around.

I know that God has called me back to serve in Singapore... of course.. i may be called somewhere else in the near future.. but for now, this is where I'm called.

But somewhere deep down, I know I'm not strong enough. And I believe I'm getting by purely by the sustenance of God. It would be so easy to just throw in the towel.. but I know God has a plan and a purpose for me.. and that's why I'm here. So while I'm here, I'll just do my best. God will take care of the rest.

I know that Aud and KT know what that might encompass as well, but for the time being, I'm not going to dwelve on that.. =)

Dear Mandy,

Over the IVCF weekend, I felt prompted by God to share an analogy that I encountered about a year or two ago, and that it was rather apt.

The question: which is stronger? The tree or grass?

Different people would have varied answers... When I posed this question to my group of wonderful amazing people, they each had their different answers. So imagine how surprised I was when there were members who quantified both and said both are equally strong.

Most of the people might say that trees are stronger. They're majestic, they're hard and sturdy. They reach up to the heavens, they get so much more light, and they are generally more useful than grass. I mean, let's face it. What can grass really do right?

Imagine one fine day, a hurricane, or a typhoon comes. Which would be the first to topple?

Well, needless to say, it'd be the tree. Amazing, isn't it? A majestic, strong tree, first to topple in a disaster. Surprisingly, it's the grass that would remain sturdy, more or less rooted in its place.

Why this story? Because it reflects about how God created us. Sometimes we think we're so high and mighty, it takes one disaster to bring us down. Other times, we feel so small and weak, but yet, we make it through a disaster the most intact. Conversely.. we are all made differently. Some of us are outspoken, more extroverted, but we have our moments of weakness. Similarly, some of us are really quite broken, we've been through so much, or we keep to ourselves, introverted, but in times of a crisis, we rise above and beyond ourselves to make things happen.

All these are because of the grace of God, and it's amazing to also see how God created each of us so much more differently than what we would even so much as expect of ourselves. If we think that we are so good that we subconsciously equate our capabilities to that of God's, God can bring across a situation to humble us at the foot of the cross once again. And if we feel that we are inadequate, then God will bring across a situation to make us rise up above ourselves and to realise that we are all capable with God.

But, all of us harmonise and live together as one community. The extroverted and introverted help each other out and live harmoniously together.. just like how the trees and grass live together. The leaves of the trees drop to the ground to become nutrients for the grass (who would take up majority of it), while the grass retains the soil, so that erosion does not occur.

God meant for us to live as a community, yet He made us so diverse and unique. So tell me... how great is our God? =)

Dear Mandy...

At the back of my mind in all that I do, are the pending assignments, essays, presentations and readings that I feel I must do and get done soon.

Then I realise that there's sometimes not much point being so hardworking...

But I want to give in my best for God.

But God asks "Are you running on your strength or are you drawing strength from Me?"

So I prayed. =)

Dear Mandy...

The view of sunrise from my lodging

Well, as the time in Victoria goes on, it becomes increasingly busy, as the workload increases, and the assignments get more colourful. But through it all, I'm rather amazed by God's wonderful grace. I took the model that PS Khong recommended in his sermon on the 13th Sept, and it's been difficult initially? But as I kept at it, I started to be more and more honest with God, and heard even more clearly what God wants to tell me. It's like when there's a need to reply the Lord, I am more sensitive to what He would want to say. And ever since.. it's been a romance journey with the Lord. =) Great! =)

Then of course, the school work. I found it an irony when I got 36/50 for a test, but it's a B- grade here. Haha... yes, there's no bell curve here, everything is what you've got is what you get. Hmm.. It's got its pros and cons I guess, but to get an A, I've gotta score 85/100. =S hahaha... even a 72 is a B-... so I'd need like... 75 for a B and 80 for a B+. Haven't done such systematic grading for some time, so it's a rather refreshing experience actually, if you ask me. =) Having to work doubly hard all over again.. haha... I wonder if what happened at A levels would actually resurface sometimes.

But then the Lord affirms me by saying that He will provide for me. So I shall trust and walk by faith. And I never ever thought, that on a sunday morning, I can sit in the sunshine, and be typing this blog entry to you. I'm rather amazed... this is a lifestyle that I could definitely get used to. My landlords, Jim and Nicola are really friendly and amazing people. I really like them. =) I can talk freely with them about anything and everything, and they're just such a homely and friendly couple... I'm really thanking and praising God for such an arrangement.

I went whale watching yesterday, and I really marvel at God's creations. Humpback whales, killer whales, poposies and seals were all spotted yesterday as we were in the Zodiac boat. And it was awesome! Really great. I marvelled so much at the Lord's creation, because it's something that I'm pretty certain I won't get to see all that often. But as I was on the boat, and we moved out into the sea, Juliet told me "wah.. the ocean is so big.." and a song came to mind... Lee Ann Womack's "I hope you dance".. and with that song, the semantic correlation would be to Prisc. Haha.. so I took a picture of the ocean, and then wrote "I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean" as its caption, and then posted it on facebook. Haha.. but upon further thought, I kinda realised that indeed... God may have made us the ruler over His creations? But His majesty is shown when we see an ocean so vast, to only know that we're just like a little ant, in a world so big.

"How great Thou art!" And as well as "Oh Lord, how majestic is Your name" came to mind. But in all honesty, as the boat headed back to Victoria, and we saw the mainshore, I told Juliet "it's kind of welcome back to reality", as we knew that what awaited us were assignments, deadlines and more readings and catching up to do. It was kind of a demoralising factor.

This morning, I watched FCBC's sermon for 20th Sep by PS Ashley Evans, and he reminded us that "praise comes first". It was quite a sequential sermon, but the part where he says that praise will get rid of depression spoke to me. I may be in a difficult situation, but I will praise the Lrod, because this is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it (Psalms 119). So I'll remember to praise God in all circumstances. =)

I miss everyone back home! Pearlyn Ong called me stoopid.. haha.. Jas!! Help me get some revenge on Pearl!! =P Hahha.. but that aside, BKC is dearly missed. =) Jasmine, Pearlyn, Rashidah and Isaac.. haha... it's been quite weird not having them in my classes... but I'm going to be optimistic because I know that I'll be linking and meeting them pretty soon before long, and I want to believe that our friendship is going to be one that goes beyond NUS. In fact, I think it's definitely possible, given how wonderful and reciprocative these people are. =) Missing you peeps!!

DEBORAH HENDRICKS!!! How to do your survey when you don't send me the file!!??? And u know that there's always something called email, so the word docu can get to me in any way? =P But I'm really excited seeing how you've grown in the Lord! Haha.. continue to shine and walk close to Him. =) I know great things are destined by God for you. =)

And of course. I miss the tribe. Rawr!! Hahah.. and a lot of new things are happening at home as well... haha.. what they are? I shan't say... but the new addition of an animal to the household does make things rather.. interesting. Hahahah... but overall, I am enjoying my time here, and I should take time off to enjoy and take in the sights and sounds of Victoria. Despite the overwhelming workload, I am resolved to take my own moments. =P

Alright.. with every darkest night, take heart, for the dawn will soon come. God will see me through. =)