Dear Mandy,
I've finished my exams here in UVic, but instead of the normal euphoria that I would feel in NUS after finishing my exams, I feel relief, and a twinge of sadness, because this is it. It's the end of my school life here, and as I'm in the library typing this, looking out the library's window to the quiet, peaceful, serene campus of UVic, I gotta say that I'm actually a tad wistful.
It's been great here. I don't have to say more. I love the people, the community, and even my lessons.. if anything, that's just been an awesome experience that I really can't wish for anything more. Sure I've had my ups and downs in this place, and it's also been a journey of growth and learning. But above all else, as I look back... I see how God has blessed my SEP, and how I am certain, and confident that I'm more prepared, rested and ready for what may come when I head back to SG.
Of course, I'm not saying I'll ever be fully prepared, and God has kind of prompted me that it's going to be quite a bit of things to do when I head back... be it church, school, personal life.. let's just say that this might be the last long break that I'm going to have from responsibilities for quite some time. On this journey, I discovered more of who I am, and what I want. Also, discovered that there's a whole new culture and life out there that no one can really know and have enough of. I know for certain I'm going to miss the community here... heck, I'm already missing them already, seeing how they've all flown off to their separate parts of Canada, and soon, so will I.
Heading back to SG... mixed feelings, definitely. But it is what I have been called to go, it is where I have to be. At least until the Lord tells me otherwise, this is where I'm to be. Though I'd love to stay here in Victoria and do stuff for the homeless here where I've really seen a real need... but it's either not my calling, or not my time. So back to SG it is. =)
My last days here in Canada. =) Je'taime Canada! =)
Monday, December 14, 2009
Dear Mandy,
The time here has come down to the last 16 days, and how do I feel? Mixed.
There's really so much to let go of, but the truth being that it's not just about Canada, UVic, or the people and community that I've met and lived with... but it's also stuff back in Singapore that I've gotta let go of. I have this feeling that I'm not the same person that I was when I left Singapore., and that I've grown up more, and even a tad more mellowed than normal. And I think that that's good. =)
It's definitely a lot of things that I'm thinking of, a lot of things that I know that I have to reflect on, think clearly about, and a lot of things that I'll have to do upon my return. I don't know how my adjustment back to SG would be, but hey... I'll walk trusting the Lord for that. =)
But it's definitely easier said than done! Meredith Grey said in an episode in Season 5 : "Every minute in life is borrowed time... so we push each loss as far away as we possibly can." How so true... how so true.
The time here has come down to the last 16 days, and how do I feel? Mixed.
There's really so much to let go of, but the truth being that it's not just about Canada, UVic, or the people and community that I've met and lived with... but it's also stuff back in Singapore that I've gotta let go of. I have this feeling that I'm not the same person that I was when I left Singapore., and that I've grown up more, and even a tad more mellowed than normal. And I think that that's good. =)
It's definitely a lot of things that I'm thinking of, a lot of things that I know that I have to reflect on, think clearly about, and a lot of things that I'll have to do upon my return. I don't know how my adjustment back to SG would be, but hey... I'll walk trusting the Lord for that. =)
But it's definitely easier said than done! Meredith Grey said in an episode in Season 5 : "Every minute in life is borrowed time... so we push each loss as far away as we possibly can." How so true... how so true.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Dear Mandy,
There often comes a time when God drops His little nuggets of reminder, or inspiration, or revelation, and you can only just stand in awe of Him.
I went to the Mustard Seed today. It was the IVCF's last week of serving and cooking for the homeless, and it was fun. Initially, there were only a few people: Gareth, Cai, Greg and Adam when I came over. Then subsequently, more people came. Elizabeth and Marie, Brittany, Janice and Amanda, Allie(Ally? Ellie?) Luke and a couple of guys who I don't really know came over as well. And it was fun. What with lettuce fighting with Elizabeth, spraying water from the lettuce over Marie, and basically just having all rounded fun and laughter.
When the homeless people came, and we served them, we were efficient. That I've gotta admit. The mad rush was.. well... mad. And if anything, the desserts were selling like hotcakes! And I had fun serving, and chatting with the people. Cutting up the cakes into small slices was the hardest task of the day.. Allie, Amanda, Janice and I were just exerting brute strength to cut the cakes, and it was by no means an easy task, cause the cakes had been placed in the freezer.
But that night, God revealed more to me, not just in fellowship and serving. But in simple truths.
I met Jeffrey that night, and how we met was absolutely funny. He asked if he could have another serving of chilli and rice, and well, I just gave it to him, and we started talking. He was working as a construction worker, and his hands were extremely callused and hardened. But he was happy. And he told me that he used to be a bad person. Moving from one rehabilitation institution to another, just a man angry at the world, and just on drugs and smoking. And he still is, but he's better now. And now, he told me "people are beautiful." He'd sleep on the streets if it meant that his friends could pay their rent. He'd be willing to go hungry if he can help his friends out with their debt. And he was happy- contented. And life is going well for him, because he was in the midst of discussing an investment with the bank. But... he was still smoking pot, and he drank beer? But he had cut down his intake by almost half, and the friends that he helps out, are all rallying him, helping him cut the habit. And I think he even has a girlfriend.
BUt what he told me was so impactful. He said.. "All you really need is a little bit of faith, you know? That with hope and love, and everything is just beautiful. I never thought I'd be able to get a job, but here I am, working hard, and earning my money. It's meaningful, you know?" And I was struck by the simplicity of his statements. Here was a man, with literally no home, working hard manual labour, but with the optimism and love of a little child. It reminded me of a verse I read in the Bible which says that the poor are always more willing to give than the rich... I think this is very much exemplified here. And before he left, he gave me a big hug, and said "People who don't like hugs must be nuts". And then off he went, into the rain and cold, but leaving behind me, with much wonder in the words he said, and knowing God had spoken through a homeless man like him.
After that, we had a bit to bite, and we cleaned up a bit. And I went outside to play with a dog, feeding it water, and it has such beautiful blue eyes! Then when I came back in, Allie was about to go, and we chatted for a while. And Allie said "don't underestimate the smallest thing that God prompts you to say. It could mean something to someone. I really want to thank you for sharing that song and testimony about your friend who was locked up for her faith. It spoke to me, and it assured me, because I was once like that too." And I was so astounded. I really like Allie, being honest. She's rather quiet, and keeps to herself, but she has a sense of humour that when she says something, it's actually rather funny. And she's always calm, composed, and I can tell, she's someone who really loves God. And that really reminded me of things. That if God has prompted you to do something, even if it's really weird, do it. Because you never know who you might be blessing in the process.
Well, as the day came to a close.. I thanked God, because I know that He was there, He worked through us, and all glory to God.
There often comes a time when God drops His little nuggets of reminder, or inspiration, or revelation, and you can only just stand in awe of Him.
I went to the Mustard Seed today. It was the IVCF's last week of serving and cooking for the homeless, and it was fun. Initially, there were only a few people: Gareth, Cai, Greg and Adam when I came over. Then subsequently, more people came. Elizabeth and Marie, Brittany, Janice and Amanda, Allie(Ally? Ellie?) Luke and a couple of guys who I don't really know came over as well. And it was fun. What with lettuce fighting with Elizabeth, spraying water from the lettuce over Marie, and basically just having all rounded fun and laughter.
When the homeless people came, and we served them, we were efficient. That I've gotta admit. The mad rush was.. well... mad. And if anything, the desserts were selling like hotcakes! And I had fun serving, and chatting with the people. Cutting up the cakes into small slices was the hardest task of the day.. Allie, Amanda, Janice and I were just exerting brute strength to cut the cakes, and it was by no means an easy task, cause the cakes had been placed in the freezer.
But that night, God revealed more to me, not just in fellowship and serving. But in simple truths.
I met Jeffrey that night, and how we met was absolutely funny. He asked if he could have another serving of chilli and rice, and well, I just gave it to him, and we started talking. He was working as a construction worker, and his hands were extremely callused and hardened. But he was happy. And he told me that he used to be a bad person. Moving from one rehabilitation institution to another, just a man angry at the world, and just on drugs and smoking. And he still is, but he's better now. And now, he told me "people are beautiful." He'd sleep on the streets if it meant that his friends could pay their rent. He'd be willing to go hungry if he can help his friends out with their debt. And he was happy- contented. And life is going well for him, because he was in the midst of discussing an investment with the bank. But... he was still smoking pot, and he drank beer? But he had cut down his intake by almost half, and the friends that he helps out, are all rallying him, helping him cut the habit. And I think he even has a girlfriend.
BUt what he told me was so impactful. He said.. "All you really need is a little bit of faith, you know? That with hope and love, and everything is just beautiful. I never thought I'd be able to get a job, but here I am, working hard, and earning my money. It's meaningful, you know?" And I was struck by the simplicity of his statements. Here was a man, with literally no home, working hard manual labour, but with the optimism and love of a little child. It reminded me of a verse I read in the Bible which says that the poor are always more willing to give than the rich... I think this is very much exemplified here. And before he left, he gave me a big hug, and said "People who don't like hugs must be nuts". And then off he went, into the rain and cold, but leaving behind me, with much wonder in the words he said, and knowing God had spoken through a homeless man like him.
After that, we had a bit to bite, and we cleaned up a bit. And I went outside to play with a dog, feeding it water, and it has such beautiful blue eyes! Then when I came back in, Allie was about to go, and we chatted for a while. And Allie said "don't underestimate the smallest thing that God prompts you to say. It could mean something to someone. I really want to thank you for sharing that song and testimony about your friend who was locked up for her faith. It spoke to me, and it assured me, because I was once like that too." And I was so astounded. I really like Allie, being honest. She's rather quiet, and keeps to herself, but she has a sense of humour that when she says something, it's actually rather funny. And she's always calm, composed, and I can tell, she's someone who really loves God. And that really reminded me of things. That if God has prompted you to do something, even if it's really weird, do it. Because you never know who you might be blessing in the process.
Well, as the day came to a close.. I thanked God, because I know that He was there, He worked through us, and all glory to God.
Dear Mandy,
As I'm sitting here, the day after "Exchange for Change Culture Fair", I look back on what has happened, and have been going on, and I marvel, because I see how God has been in it the whole way through.
Exchange for Change (Back row, L to R): Sherri, Martes, Stephen, Jet, Josh, Peter (Front row, L to R): Barbara, Emma, Me, Takashi, Tomoya (Not in picture): Juliet
When the project first started, we went through a slow start... choosing a beneficiary for our project, and discussing over it, splitting into committees... And then that's when the difficult part began. Coming from different cultures, Exchange for Change (EFC) is actually made up of people from England, Australia, Hong Kong, Japan and Singapore, and we all had to work together. Seeing clearly the meaning of Sociology when they say culture differences, each country actually had a uniquely different style of working and functioning.. or maybe, it's just an individual thing. On a couple of occasions, I was silently stewing over the progress of the meeting, and at times, certain characters and comments made at certain times. It got so bad, that I actually found myself praying to God for patience and tolerance, simply because of this simple thing: culture difference.
Then came the period of stress. Half our committee went travelling over the reading break, and there was communication breakdown. Coupled with venue problems, booth issues, and publicity matters, it seemed like the event was struggling. But then, I remember reading once before, a story in Joshua Harris' book, "I kissed dating goodbye", about this boy's birthday party, where his dad requested that all his friends come with their fathers, sort of like a male fraternity party. But each father brought a gift to give to the kid. One father gave the birthday boy a nail remover. And he said "There will be days when you realise after building a house, that you've made a mistake. What would you do? Carry on building and risk the safety of those living in it, or start over from scratch and waste time and money? Well, these are the times when you would realise it's better to take the house down nail by nail, and to start from scratch. It would take an immense load of courage to do so, but it moulds character, and it is what God does with us."
With that thought in mind, I agreed with scaling down the event, and Josh and I proposed an alternative Plan B in case it doesn't come through. So the moment reading break ended, God prompted me to go and meet Sherri, the International and Exchange Student Services student advisor for this project, and to discuss and update what has been going on. Then came more whoppers, when some previous connections that we had established to help set up booths in the event could not be contacted. At this moment, I was really a tad worried.
Would you believe God knows? One Saturday, feeling overwhelmed, I wanted to click on Joel's msn to talk to him, or to e-mail Audrey, Yvette or Prisc.. and then Audrey came online so I could talk to her, and the next day, Joel msn-ed me, and even gave me a long distance call. And this is what he told me "God doesn't care about the end result; He cares about your heart. You're too used to organising good events, aiming for perfection, that when it comes to a time when this event isn't going well, you feel like the burden's on you. But carry the Lord's burden, and the Lord looks at the heart, and your attitude. What is your decision?" That day, I knelt before the Lord at night, and I prayed to commit the event into God's hands.
I was reminded of this song by Avalon, called "The Greatest Story":
As I'm sitting here, the day after "Exchange for Change Culture Fair", I look back on what has happened, and have been going on, and I marvel, because I see how God has been in it the whole way through.
Exchange for Change (Back row, L to R): Sherri, Martes, Stephen, Jet, Josh, Peter (Front row, L to R): Barbara, Emma, Me, Takashi, Tomoya (Not in picture): JulietWhen the project first started, we went through a slow start... choosing a beneficiary for our project, and discussing over it, splitting into committees... And then that's when the difficult part began. Coming from different cultures, Exchange for Change (EFC) is actually made up of people from England, Australia, Hong Kong, Japan and Singapore, and we all had to work together. Seeing clearly the meaning of Sociology when they say culture differences, each country actually had a uniquely different style of working and functioning.. or maybe, it's just an individual thing. On a couple of occasions, I was silently stewing over the progress of the meeting, and at times, certain characters and comments made at certain times. It got so bad, that I actually found myself praying to God for patience and tolerance, simply because of this simple thing: culture difference.
Then came the period of stress. Half our committee went travelling over the reading break, and there was communication breakdown. Coupled with venue problems, booth issues, and publicity matters, it seemed like the event was struggling. But then, I remember reading once before, a story in Joshua Harris' book, "I kissed dating goodbye", about this boy's birthday party, where his dad requested that all his friends come with their fathers, sort of like a male fraternity party. But each father brought a gift to give to the kid. One father gave the birthday boy a nail remover. And he said "There will be days when you realise after building a house, that you've made a mistake. What would you do? Carry on building and risk the safety of those living in it, or start over from scratch and waste time and money? Well, these are the times when you would realise it's better to take the house down nail by nail, and to start from scratch. It would take an immense load of courage to do so, but it moulds character, and it is what God does with us."
With that thought in mind, I agreed with scaling down the event, and Josh and I proposed an alternative Plan B in case it doesn't come through. So the moment reading break ended, God prompted me to go and meet Sherri, the International and Exchange Student Services student advisor for this project, and to discuss and update what has been going on. Then came more whoppers, when some previous connections that we had established to help set up booths in the event could not be contacted. At this moment, I was really a tad worried.
Would you believe God knows? One Saturday, feeling overwhelmed, I wanted to click on Joel's msn to talk to him, or to e-mail Audrey, Yvette or Prisc.. and then Audrey came online so I could talk to her, and the next day, Joel msn-ed me, and even gave me a long distance call. And this is what he told me "God doesn't care about the end result; He cares about your heart. You're too used to organising good events, aiming for perfection, that when it comes to a time when this event isn't going well, you feel like the burden's on you. But carry the Lord's burden, and the Lord looks at the heart, and your attitude. What is your decision?" That day, I knelt before the Lord at night, and I prayed to commit the event into God's hands.
I was reminded of this song by Avalon, called "The Greatest Story":
"You cannot measure worth by human standards
That's always a lie.
Oh you have to see through heaven's eyes how
Your life
Woven day by day
Is a new design
Of the glory God displays
From the canvas of creation
To the poem of history
In the pattern of redemption
Running through the tapestry
Your life in Christ could be
The greatest story ever told"
That's always a lie.
Oh you have to see through heaven's eyes how
Your life
Woven day by day
Is a new design
Of the glory God displays
From the canvas of creation
To the poem of history
In the pattern of redemption
Running through the tapestry
Your life in Christ could be
The greatest story ever told"
So with that, I agreed with Josh's proposal for Plan B, and we decided that inevitably, we would have to scale down the event. God prompted me to go and meet up with Sherri, the International and Exchange Student Services advisor for the project, and we felt more allieved when she said she would look into finding an alternate venue. This that despite news that there were some problems contacting the Chinese Student Scholars Association regarding their setting up of a booth, it didn't affect me too much, because I took by faith that God was in control, and the event is in God's hands.
Daily I prayed for the event. And as God would have it, at the second last meeting before the event on the 27th Nov, everything happened. First, the Association for International and Canadian Students Society helped us book a place at the Student Union Building, and a Bangladeshi group had expressed interest in joining us. And if that's not all, we had plenty of donated prizes for the raffle draw! New Balance donated prizes, as did a bookstore and a cafe down at Caboro Bay, and so did some of the members on the Committee! And in one day, we started rolling. Posters were done up, raffle tickets were done up, and the handicrafts were ready to go.
The posters were up that coming Monday, and we started to publicise our event. Then, the CSSA said they couldn't help us due to other commitments, but they donated prizes to our raffle draw. The meeting ended earlier than normal, so that we could all go and do our own preparations for the fair. I headed home, Juliet and Beth came along, and we backed two batches of brownies (which are really nice), friendship bracelets and some administrative documents for the event tomorrow. I did get frustrated at some points in the night, Aud and Yvette know what it's about, but thank God that He got me through. Martina McBride is also a really good singer to listen to for late night stints... I survived the night on her Christmas album. =)
Woke up early and headed to school to set up the place for the event, and it was amazing. We got everything done in about an hour, and we had our first customer as early as before our opening time. That was truly amazing, honestly, because it was from my Psycholinguistics Class! Praise God, because it was like He was affirming me that it's going to work out. The weather was sunshine as well (it'd been raining non-stop), and that further affirmed me. I had to go for class, but I was certain that things would go well.
Imagine when God gave me a B+ for my Grammar test! All along I'd been getting B- for the last 2 tests... I jumped two grades!! Talk about amazing... which made me really excited (despite the lack of sleep). I went back, and well, we never really had a crowd? But we did make a substantial amount of donations, and sale of raffle tickets by then. What's important is that I felt God with me, and everyone had fun and bonded. So much so, that we were joking, laughing, and generally accepting that whatever will be will be.
We made $706 from the whole cash donations, and that's excluding the other donations that we got, like socks, sleeping bags and general utilities, so it was a successful event. And it was all that I could do, except to stop and say "thank you God", because He saw me through. He really saw the event through. So praise God and all glory to Him. =)
Our beneficiary, "Our Place" is a place for the homeless people of Victoria. They provide lodging, healthcare, showers, free meals, but are only open for 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, due to lack of funding. But the place is run, established and visioned by Reverend Allen Tysick, who's an amazing man. A bit on the rough edges, but passionate about what he feels God has called him to do; serve the poor and the homeless. Not an easy call, definitely. But something he does with gratitude and humility.
I'm just awed by God in all of this. =)
Daily I prayed for the event. And as God would have it, at the second last meeting before the event on the 27th Nov, everything happened. First, the Association for International and Canadian Students Society helped us book a place at the Student Union Building, and a Bangladeshi group had expressed interest in joining us. And if that's not all, we had plenty of donated prizes for the raffle draw! New Balance donated prizes, as did a bookstore and a cafe down at Caboro Bay, and so did some of the members on the Committee! And in one day, we started rolling. Posters were done up, raffle tickets were done up, and the handicrafts were ready to go.
The posters were up that coming Monday, and we started to publicise our event. Then, the CSSA said they couldn't help us due to other commitments, but they donated prizes to our raffle draw. The meeting ended earlier than normal, so that we could all go and do our own preparations for the fair. I headed home, Juliet and Beth came along, and we backed two batches of brownies (which are really nice), friendship bracelets and some administrative documents for the event tomorrow. I did get frustrated at some points in the night, Aud and Yvette know what it's about, but thank God that He got me through. Martina McBride is also a really good singer to listen to for late night stints... I survived the night on her Christmas album. =)
Woke up early and headed to school to set up the place for the event, and it was amazing. We got everything done in about an hour, and we had our first customer as early as before our opening time. That was truly amazing, honestly, because it was from my Psycholinguistics Class! Praise God, because it was like He was affirming me that it's going to work out. The weather was sunshine as well (it'd been raining non-stop), and that further affirmed me. I had to go for class, but I was certain that things would go well.
Imagine when God gave me a B+ for my Grammar test! All along I'd been getting B- for the last 2 tests... I jumped two grades!! Talk about amazing... which made me really excited (despite the lack of sleep). I went back, and well, we never really had a crowd? But we did make a substantial amount of donations, and sale of raffle tickets by then. What's important is that I felt God with me, and everyone had fun and bonded. So much so, that we were joking, laughing, and generally accepting that whatever will be will be.
We made $706 from the whole cash donations, and that's excluding the other donations that we got, like socks, sleeping bags and general utilities, so it was a successful event. And it was all that I could do, except to stop and say "thank you God", because He saw me through. He really saw the event through. So praise God and all glory to Him. =)
Our beneficiary, "Our Place" is a place for the homeless people of Victoria. They provide lodging, healthcare, showers, free meals, but are only open for 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, due to lack of funding. But the place is run, established and visioned by Reverend Allen Tysick, who's an amazing man. A bit on the rough edges, but passionate about what he feels God has called him to do; serve the poor and the homeless. Not an easy call, definitely. But something he does with gratitude and humility.
I'm just awed by God in all of this. =)
Friday, November 27, 2009
Dear Mandy,
I'm sitting in Vertigo at the SUB now, with a nice teriyaki chicken wrap in my hands, a bottle of blueberry and cranberry juice before me, and a nice clique of Linguistic majors before me.
There's Megan Harris, who's quite the affectionate woman; almost like a big sister. Meghan Cobbs is this really smart woman. Maciel is really calm, and composed. And then there's Christine, who's like this energy bubble who's like a little sister to me. Yes yes, my clique of Ling325 people, and they're all amazing. We were discussing the 5th assignment of LING325, and it's interesting to hear the different viewpoints of each individual about the questions, and I really think that they're an amazing bunch of people. =)
And of course, there's LING370A, where my lab experiment group consists of Janine, Susan, Sarah, Meara and Dominic. We're a rather diverse and extremely fun-loving bunch of people who still manage to get work done efficiently. I'm just quite glad that I managed to find such wonderful people amongst the Linguistic fraternity.
So, pretty much, even in class, I find peace and friendship! And I LOVE IVCF! Wonderful group of people who serve God... though there are some aspects of IVCF that took some adjusting to because it's different in Singapore, but I do feel the Lord working in IVCF, and how they're a group of people finding their way in knowing God. =)
So while I'm heading back soon, trust me when I say I'm going to miss this group of people who are fantastic. Completely fantastic. =)
Praise God for His provision.
I'm sitting in Vertigo at the SUB now, with a nice teriyaki chicken wrap in my hands, a bottle of blueberry and cranberry juice before me, and a nice clique of Linguistic majors before me.
There's Megan Harris, who's quite the affectionate woman; almost like a big sister. Meghan Cobbs is this really smart woman. Maciel is really calm, and composed. And then there's Christine, who's like this energy bubble who's like a little sister to me. Yes yes, my clique of Ling325 people, and they're all amazing. We were discussing the 5th assignment of LING325, and it's interesting to hear the different viewpoints of each individual about the questions, and I really think that they're an amazing bunch of people. =)
And of course, there's LING370A, where my lab experiment group consists of Janine, Susan, Sarah, Meara and Dominic. We're a rather diverse and extremely fun-loving bunch of people who still manage to get work done efficiently. I'm just quite glad that I managed to find such wonderful people amongst the Linguistic fraternity.
So, pretty much, even in class, I find peace and friendship! And I LOVE IVCF! Wonderful group of people who serve God... though there are some aspects of IVCF that took some adjusting to because it's different in Singapore, but I do feel the Lord working in IVCF, and how they're a group of people finding their way in knowing God. =)
So while I'm heading back soon, trust me when I say I'm going to miss this group of people who are fantastic. Completely fantastic. =)
Praise God for His provision.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Dear Mandy,
There comes a time when you realise that it's not about you; it's about God.
I always wondered why God made me do a 40 day fast from meat, and to do a fish and vegetable diet... I found out just today.
I've been cooking the last couple of days. Cause it's the reading break, my landlords went to Tofino, and so, I was left at home. And the weather outside is frightful. Haha.. So I bought stuff, and I cooked. =)
Of course, being a novice, I'm not that keen to cook and experiment with meat... Admittedly, I'm seeing more green on my plate than any other colour, mostly because, well, vegetables, to me, are easier to cook. =) So, when my friends came over yesterday to crash, and I cooked for them.. they mentioned that it's mostly vegetables. And even today, when preparing lunch, they mentioned the same thing... and God reminded me of my fast. If I hadn't done that fast, I probably wouldn't have felt so comfortable with vegetables here. And it made me wonder about the immense awesome nature of our God. Truly amazing stuff.
And for the fish? Fish is RARE here. Haha.. unless I choose to go for the fish and chips, which I truly don't mind, except that it's kinda expensive actually. So I had my fair share of fish in the fast, and now, I'm truly truly comfortable food wise.
But what about other things? What about the friendships we hold? I'm glad that I've found a little clique here, and they've been an awesome bunch to be around and have fun with! God's provision is really sufficient. =) And yet, I miss the people back home. From what I know, there're a lot of changes, a lot of new adaptations. But through it all, I pray God's hands be upon it, because in all honesty, I don't know what else it could be. And well, even if it's something that isn't good, God can turn it around. There's a lot to be anticipatory about, and in that light.. I'll be prayerful.
There comes a time when you realise that it's not about you; it's about God.
I always wondered why God made me do a 40 day fast from meat, and to do a fish and vegetable diet... I found out just today.
I've been cooking the last couple of days. Cause it's the reading break, my landlords went to Tofino, and so, I was left at home. And the weather outside is frightful. Haha.. So I bought stuff, and I cooked. =)
Of course, being a novice, I'm not that keen to cook and experiment with meat... Admittedly, I'm seeing more green on my plate than any other colour, mostly because, well, vegetables, to me, are easier to cook. =) So, when my friends came over yesterday to crash, and I cooked for them.. they mentioned that it's mostly vegetables. And even today, when preparing lunch, they mentioned the same thing... and God reminded me of my fast. If I hadn't done that fast, I probably wouldn't have felt so comfortable with vegetables here. And it made me wonder about the immense awesome nature of our God. Truly amazing stuff.
And for the fish? Fish is RARE here. Haha.. unless I choose to go for the fish and chips, which I truly don't mind, except that it's kinda expensive actually. So I had my fair share of fish in the fast, and now, I'm truly truly comfortable food wise.
But what about other things? What about the friendships we hold? I'm glad that I've found a little clique here, and they've been an awesome bunch to be around and have fun with! God's provision is really sufficient. =) And yet, I miss the people back home. From what I know, there're a lot of changes, a lot of new adaptations. But through it all, I pray God's hands be upon it, because in all honesty, I don't know what else it could be. And well, even if it's something that isn't good, God can turn it around. There's a lot to be anticipatory about, and in that light.. I'll be prayerful.
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Dear Mandy,
A song that God placed in my head this morning:
"You are welcome, more than welcome
To abide in this temple
To reside in this place.
You are welcome, more than welcome
Holy Spirit come and take Your place.
We are gathering together
To worship at Your throne
To exalt the name of Jesus
To worship Him alone
He is worthy of our praises
So we lift our voices high
Spirit come...
Take Your place...
You are welcome, more than welcome
To abide in this temple
To reside in this place.
You are welcome, more than welcome
Holy Spirit come and take Your place."
Lord, be with me as I go through this day. =)
A song that God placed in my head this morning:
"You are welcome, more than welcome
To abide in this temple
To reside in this place.
You are welcome, more than welcome
Holy Spirit come and take Your place.
We are gathering together
To worship at Your throne
To exalt the name of Jesus
To worship Him alone
He is worthy of our praises
So we lift our voices high
Spirit come...
Take Your place...
You are welcome, more than welcome
To abide in this temple
To reside in this place.
You are welcome, more than welcome
Holy Spirit come and take Your place."
Lord, be with me as I go through this day. =)
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Dear Mandy...
Well, as November has begun, I'm somehow torn. I'm quite tempted to explore the possibility of extending my exchange stint here, because well, the linguistics education here is really good. I'm learning a fair bit, and the constant assignments and submissions, albeit tedious, but they have really allowed me to constantly practice what I've been learning, and the interactive nature of classes, and the closeness of the lecturer all make me think that I can benefit here in terms of my education.
But there're a lot of factors that are involved in this whole thing as well. The major administrative hassles from the major institutions... the financial aspect... and a whole lot more. But well, I'll pray about it. If God wants me to stay here, He'll show me. =)
Had my first Bible study class yesterday, and it was great. Really great. I saw the chapter in the book of John so much more intensely and in depth than I've ever been before, and I really felt that there is so much more about the good Lord that I have yet to discover. Sure, I'm knowing Him more and more, but there's still a vast universe about Him that He wants me to know. So, while I'm typing these, I'm rather ecstatic for what is to come. And I firmly believe in Him.
So, Lord, here I am. =)
Well, as November has begun, I'm somehow torn. I'm quite tempted to explore the possibility of extending my exchange stint here, because well, the linguistics education here is really good. I'm learning a fair bit, and the constant assignments and submissions, albeit tedious, but they have really allowed me to constantly practice what I've been learning, and the interactive nature of classes, and the closeness of the lecturer all make me think that I can benefit here in terms of my education.
But there're a lot of factors that are involved in this whole thing as well. The major administrative hassles from the major institutions... the financial aspect... and a whole lot more. But well, I'll pray about it. If God wants me to stay here, He'll show me. =)
Had my first Bible study class yesterday, and it was great. Really great. I saw the chapter in the book of John so much more intensely and in depth than I've ever been before, and I really felt that there is so much more about the good Lord that I have yet to discover. Sure, I'm knowing Him more and more, but there's still a vast universe about Him that He wants me to know. So, while I'm typing these, I'm rather ecstatic for what is to come. And I firmly believe in Him.
So, Lord, here I am. =)
Friday, October 16, 2009
Dear Mandy,
I might be lying if I said that I didn't miss the people back home, or that there are times that I actually feel quite alone, and wish that I had my closest friends near me.. A small handful.. Audrey, Prisc, Yvette, KT, Yvonne, Gayne, Jacob and Zhiyuan. 8 pple. Haha..
But then.. I do like my community here. Jim and Nicola, Juliet, Beth and Angie... wonderful people. And of course, who can forget IVCF! They've really helped me settle in, and I've really enjoyed the time I spend with them. But when I realistically sit down and think of it.. they won't be my community. The ministry I serve. They'll be good friends, and hopefully, long friendships, but they won't be the community I will be hanging around.
I know that God has called me back to serve in Singapore... of course.. i may be called somewhere else in the near future.. but for now, this is where I'm called.
But somewhere deep down, I know I'm not strong enough. And I believe I'm getting by purely by the sustenance of God. It would be so easy to just throw in the towel.. but I know God has a plan and a purpose for me.. and that's why I'm here. So while I'm here, I'll just do my best. God will take care of the rest.
I know that Aud and KT know what that might encompass as well, but for the time being, I'm not going to dwelve on that.. =)
I might be lying if I said that I didn't miss the people back home, or that there are times that I actually feel quite alone, and wish that I had my closest friends near me.. A small handful.. Audrey, Prisc, Yvette, KT, Yvonne, Gayne, Jacob and Zhiyuan. 8 pple. Haha..
But then.. I do like my community here. Jim and Nicola, Juliet, Beth and Angie... wonderful people. And of course, who can forget IVCF! They've really helped me settle in, and I've really enjoyed the time I spend with them. But when I realistically sit down and think of it.. they won't be my community. The ministry I serve. They'll be good friends, and hopefully, long friendships, but they won't be the community I will be hanging around.
I know that God has called me back to serve in Singapore... of course.. i may be called somewhere else in the near future.. but for now, this is where I'm called.
But somewhere deep down, I know I'm not strong enough. And I believe I'm getting by purely by the sustenance of God. It would be so easy to just throw in the towel.. but I know God has a plan and a purpose for me.. and that's why I'm here. So while I'm here, I'll just do my best. God will take care of the rest.
I know that Aud and KT know what that might encompass as well, but for the time being, I'm not going to dwelve on that.. =)
Monday, October 05, 2009
Dear Mandy,
Over the IVCF weekend, I felt prompted by God to share an analogy that I encountered about a year or two ago, and that it was rather apt.
The question: which is stronger? The tree or grass?
Different people would have varied answers... When I posed this question to my group of wonderful amazing people, they each had their different answers. So imagine how surprised I was when there were members who quantified both and said both are equally strong.
Most of the people might say that trees are stronger. They're majestic, they're hard and sturdy. They reach up to the heavens, they get so much more light, and they are generally more useful than grass. I mean, let's face it. What can grass really do right?
Imagine one fine day, a hurricane, or a typhoon comes. Which would be the first to topple?
Well, needless to say, it'd be the tree. Amazing, isn't it? A majestic, strong tree, first to topple in a disaster. Surprisingly, it's the grass that would remain sturdy, more or less rooted in its place.
Why this story? Because it reflects about how God created us. Sometimes we think we're so high and mighty, it takes one disaster to bring us down. Other times, we feel so small and weak, but yet, we make it through a disaster the most intact. Conversely.. we are all made differently. Some of us are outspoken, more extroverted, but we have our moments of weakness. Similarly, some of us are really quite broken, we've been through so much, or we keep to ourselves, introverted, but in times of a crisis, we rise above and beyond ourselves to make things happen.
All these are because of the grace of God, and it's amazing to also see how God created each of us so much more differently than what we would even so much as expect of ourselves. If we think that we are so good that we subconsciously equate our capabilities to that of God's, God can bring across a situation to humble us at the foot of the cross once again. And if we feel that we are inadequate, then God will bring across a situation to make us rise up above ourselves and to realise that we are all capable with God.
But, all of us harmonise and live together as one community. The extroverted and introverted help each other out and live harmoniously together.. just like how the trees and grass live together. The leaves of the trees drop to the ground to become nutrients for the grass (who would take up majority of it), while the grass retains the soil, so that erosion does not occur.
God meant for us to live as a community, yet He made us so diverse and unique. So tell me... how great is our God? =)
Over the IVCF weekend, I felt prompted by God to share an analogy that I encountered about a year or two ago, and that it was rather apt.
The question: which is stronger? The tree or grass?
Different people would have varied answers... When I posed this question to my group of wonderful amazing people, they each had their different answers. So imagine how surprised I was when there were members who quantified both and said both are equally strong.
Most of the people might say that trees are stronger. They're majestic, they're hard and sturdy. They reach up to the heavens, they get so much more light, and they are generally more useful than grass. I mean, let's face it. What can grass really do right?
Imagine one fine day, a hurricane, or a typhoon comes. Which would be the first to topple?
Well, needless to say, it'd be the tree. Amazing, isn't it? A majestic, strong tree, first to topple in a disaster. Surprisingly, it's the grass that would remain sturdy, more or less rooted in its place.
Why this story? Because it reflects about how God created us. Sometimes we think we're so high and mighty, it takes one disaster to bring us down. Other times, we feel so small and weak, but yet, we make it through a disaster the most intact. Conversely.. we are all made differently. Some of us are outspoken, more extroverted, but we have our moments of weakness. Similarly, some of us are really quite broken, we've been through so much, or we keep to ourselves, introverted, but in times of a crisis, we rise above and beyond ourselves to make things happen.
All these are because of the grace of God, and it's amazing to also see how God created each of us so much more differently than what we would even so much as expect of ourselves. If we think that we are so good that we subconsciously equate our capabilities to that of God's, God can bring across a situation to humble us at the foot of the cross once again. And if we feel that we are inadequate, then God will bring across a situation to make us rise up above ourselves and to realise that we are all capable with God.
But, all of us harmonise and live together as one community. The extroverted and introverted help each other out and live harmoniously together.. just like how the trees and grass live together. The leaves of the trees drop to the ground to become nutrients for the grass (who would take up majority of it), while the grass retains the soil, so that erosion does not occur.
God meant for us to live as a community, yet He made us so diverse and unique. So tell me... how great is our God? =)
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Dear Mandy...
At the back of my mind in all that I do, are the pending assignments, essays, presentations and readings that I feel I must do and get done soon.
Then I realise that there's sometimes not much point being so hardworking...
But I want to give in my best for God.
But God asks "Are you running on your strength or are you drawing strength from Me?"
So I prayed. =)
At the back of my mind in all that I do, are the pending assignments, essays, presentations and readings that I feel I must do and get done soon.
Then I realise that there's sometimes not much point being so hardworking...
But I want to give in my best for God.
But God asks "Are you running on your strength or are you drawing strength from Me?"
So I prayed. =)
Monday, September 28, 2009
Dear Mandy...
The view of sunrise from my lodging
Well, as the time in Victoria goes on, it becomes increasingly busy, as the workload increases, and the assignments get more colourful. But through it all, I'm rather amazed by God's wonderful grace. I took the model that PS Khong recommended in his sermon on the 13th Sept, and it's been difficult initially? But as I kept at it, I started to be more and more honest with God, and heard even more clearly what God wants to tell me. It's like when there's a need to reply the Lord, I am more sensitive to what He would want to say. And ever since.. it's been a romance journey with the Lord. =) Great! =)
Then of course, the school work. I found it an irony when I got 36/50 for a test, but it's a B- grade here. Haha... yes, there's no bell curve here, everything is what you've got is what you get. Hmm.. It's got its pros and cons I guess, but to get an A, I've gotta score 85/100. =S hahaha... even a 72 is a B-... so I'd need like... 75 for a B and 80 for a B+. Haven't done such systematic grading for some time, so it's a rather refreshing experience actually, if you ask me. =) Having to work doubly hard all over again.. haha... I wonder if what happened at A levels would actually resurface sometimes.
But then the Lord affirms me by saying that He will provide for me. So I shall trust and walk by faith. And I never ever thought, that on a sunday morning, I can sit in the sunshine, and be typing this blog entry to you. I'm rather amazed... this is a lifestyle that I could definitely get used to. My landlords, Jim and Nicola are really friendly and amazing people. I really like them. =) I can talk freely with them about anything and everything, and they're just such a homely and friendly couple... I'm really thanking and praising God for such an arrangement.
I went whale watching yesterday, and I really marvel at God's creations. Humpback whales, killer whales, poposies and seals were all spotted yesterday as we were in the Zodiac boat. And it was awesome! Really great. I marvelled so much at the Lord's creation, because it's something that I'm pretty certain I won't get to see all that often. But as I was on the boat, and we moved out into the sea, Juliet told me "wah.. the ocean is so big.." and a song came to mind... Lee Ann Womack's "I hope you dance".. and with that song, the semantic correlation would be to Prisc. Haha.. so I took a picture of the ocean, and then wrote "I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean" as its caption, and then posted it on facebook. Haha.. but upon further thought, I kinda realised that indeed... God may have made us the ruler over His creations? But His majesty is shown when we see an ocean so vast, to only know that we're just like a little ant, in a world so big.
"How great Thou art!" And as well as "Oh Lord, how majestic is Your name" came to mind. But in all honesty, as the boat headed back to Victoria, and we saw the mainshore, I told Juliet "it's kind of welcome back to reality", as we knew that what awaited us were assignments, deadlines and more readings and catching up to do. It was kind of a demoralising factor.
This morning, I watched FCBC's sermon for 20th Sep by PS Ashley Evans, and he reminded us that "praise comes first". It was quite a sequential sermon, but the part where he says that praise will get rid of depression spoke to me. I may be in a difficult situation, but I will praise the Lrod, because this is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it (Psalms 119). So I'll remember to praise God in all circumstances. =)
I miss everyone back home! Pearlyn Ong called me stoopid.. haha.. Jas!! Help me get some revenge on Pearl!! =P Hahha.. but that aside, BKC is dearly missed. =) Jasmine, Pearlyn, Rashidah and Isaac.. haha... it's been quite weird not having them in my classes... but I'm going to be optimistic because I know that I'll be linking and meeting them pretty soon before long, and I want to believe that our friendship is going to be one that goes beyond NUS. In fact, I think it's definitely possible, given how wonderful and reciprocative these people are. =) Missing you peeps!!
DEBORAH HENDRICKS!!! How to do your survey when you don't send me the file!!??? And u know that there's always something called email, so the word docu can get to me in any way? =P But I'm really excited seeing how you've grown in the Lord! Haha.. continue to shine and walk close to Him. =) I know great things are destined by God for you. =)
And of course. I miss the tribe. Rawr!! Hahah.. and a lot of new things are happening at home as well... haha.. what they are? I shan't say... but the new addition of an animal to the household does make things rather.. interesting. Hahahah... but overall, I am enjoying my time here, and I should take time off to enjoy and take in the sights and sounds of Victoria. Despite the overwhelming workload, I am resolved to take my own moments. =P
Alright.. with every darkest night, take heart, for the dawn will soon come. God will see me through. =)
The view of sunrise from my lodgingWell, as the time in Victoria goes on, it becomes increasingly busy, as the workload increases, and the assignments get more colourful. But through it all, I'm rather amazed by God's wonderful grace. I took the model that PS Khong recommended in his sermon on the 13th Sept, and it's been difficult initially? But as I kept at it, I started to be more and more honest with God, and heard even more clearly what God wants to tell me. It's like when there's a need to reply the Lord, I am more sensitive to what He would want to say. And ever since.. it's been a romance journey with the Lord. =) Great! =)
Then of course, the school work. I found it an irony when I got 36/50 for a test, but it's a B- grade here. Haha... yes, there's no bell curve here, everything is what you've got is what you get. Hmm.. It's got its pros and cons I guess, but to get an A, I've gotta score 85/100. =S hahaha... even a 72 is a B-... so I'd need like... 75 for a B and 80 for a B+. Haven't done such systematic grading for some time, so it's a rather refreshing experience actually, if you ask me. =) Having to work doubly hard all over again.. haha... I wonder if what happened at A levels would actually resurface sometimes.
But then the Lord affirms me by saying that He will provide for me. So I shall trust and walk by faith. And I never ever thought, that on a sunday morning, I can sit in the sunshine, and be typing this blog entry to you. I'm rather amazed... this is a lifestyle that I could definitely get used to. My landlords, Jim and Nicola are really friendly and amazing people. I really like them. =) I can talk freely with them about anything and everything, and they're just such a homely and friendly couple... I'm really thanking and praising God for such an arrangement.
I went whale watching yesterday, and I really marvel at God's creations. Humpback whales, killer whales, poposies and seals were all spotted yesterday as we were in the Zodiac boat. And it was awesome! Really great. I marvelled so much at the Lord's creation, because it's something that I'm pretty certain I won't get to see all that often. But as I was on the boat, and we moved out into the sea, Juliet told me "wah.. the ocean is so big.." and a song came to mind... Lee Ann Womack's "I hope you dance".. and with that song, the semantic correlation would be to Prisc. Haha.. so I took a picture of the ocean, and then wrote "I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean" as its caption, and then posted it on facebook. Haha.. but upon further thought, I kinda realised that indeed... God may have made us the ruler over His creations? But His majesty is shown when we see an ocean so vast, to only know that we're just like a little ant, in a world so big.
"How great Thou art!" And as well as "Oh Lord, how majestic is Your name" came to mind. But in all honesty, as the boat headed back to Victoria, and we saw the mainshore, I told Juliet "it's kind of welcome back to reality", as we knew that what awaited us were assignments, deadlines and more readings and catching up to do. It was kind of a demoralising factor.
This morning, I watched FCBC's sermon for 20th Sep by PS Ashley Evans, and he reminded us that "praise comes first". It was quite a sequential sermon, but the part where he says that praise will get rid of depression spoke to me. I may be in a difficult situation, but I will praise the Lrod, because this is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it (Psalms 119). So I'll remember to praise God in all circumstances. =)
I miss everyone back home! Pearlyn Ong called me stoopid.. haha.. Jas!! Help me get some revenge on Pearl!! =P Hahha.. but that aside, BKC is dearly missed. =) Jasmine, Pearlyn, Rashidah and Isaac.. haha... it's been quite weird not having them in my classes... but I'm going to be optimistic because I know that I'll be linking and meeting them pretty soon before long, and I want to believe that our friendship is going to be one that goes beyond NUS. In fact, I think it's definitely possible, given how wonderful and reciprocative these people are. =) Missing you peeps!!
DEBORAH HENDRICKS!!! How to do your survey when you don't send me the file!!??? And u know that there's always something called email, so the word docu can get to me in any way? =P But I'm really excited seeing how you've grown in the Lord! Haha.. continue to shine and walk close to Him. =) I know great things are destined by God for you. =)
And of course. I miss the tribe. Rawr!! Hahah.. and a lot of new things are happening at home as well... haha.. what they are? I shan't say... but the new addition of an animal to the household does make things rather.. interesting. Hahahah... but overall, I am enjoying my time here, and I should take time off to enjoy and take in the sights and sounds of Victoria. Despite the overwhelming workload, I am resolved to take my own moments. =P
Alright.. with every darkest night, take heart, for the dawn will soon come. God will see me through. =)
Friday, September 18, 2009
Dear Mandy...
I've already spent close to 2 weeks here in Victoria, Canada, and well, the mixed feelings are finally starting to settle in. =)
Don't get me wrong, I love the place. Victoria is a beautiful beautiful place, and the air is so fresh here, and the university has all these cute little bunnies that keep jumping and frolicking around.. the university itself is a tranquil state of being, rather than a stressed up series of events that make for a potential stressful situation than anything else. Perhaps I'm just being biased because of the fact that Singapore is a place where to stay in the game, we've gotta be ahead of the normal world average by at least a couple of steps, but this break is something... really something.
Of course, that doesn't mean I don't miss the people back home, as well as certain things like the food, and the other what nots like church, like cell, like studying in VJC. I especially miss Audrey (my chipmunk and awfully close junior and friend), Kaiting and Yvonne (I think they call themselves my guardian angels.. haha..), Vette and Prisc (my two closest church friends), Zhiyuan, Jacob and Joel Teng (my closest male friends, and my mentor), and how can I forget my beloved 20th SC, and the quiet, comforting people like Gayne and Deborah? Haha.. there's a whole list if I were to list them out, definitely.. and it wouldn't be countable with both hands and feet.
I realised how much the quote I placed on facebook "the beauty of the moment seemingly lessened without the ones you love" impacted me last week when I saw yesterday my new lodging and the running route, and then realising that there's really no one here in Canada that I'd really want to share my emotions with. Then thank God, Vette was online? And I just shared with Vette.. and the two of us had a moment of sharing. =) My silly emo-buddy is adorably silly. Haha.. =P
One cannot help but marvel at God's creation of wonderful nature, but I also feel that my season here, God is teaching and moulding me a lot. I'm having to confront much discomfort here in Victoria and UVic... and it's somewhat starting all over again to a certain extent, but by the grace of God, everything has been going smoothly, and has worked out in one way or another. I'm really thankful, and just when I thought that I wouldn't have a chance to practice guitar.. lo and behold, there's a guitar in my new lodging that I can use. Haha.. I'll worship God in quiet and in truth. =P
To everyone who comes by this almost inactive blog.. thanks for being such avid readers! Haha.. God bless each and every one of you. =)
I've already spent close to 2 weeks here in Victoria, Canada, and well, the mixed feelings are finally starting to settle in. =)
Don't get me wrong, I love the place. Victoria is a beautiful beautiful place, and the air is so fresh here, and the university has all these cute little bunnies that keep jumping and frolicking around.. the university itself is a tranquil state of being, rather than a stressed up series of events that make for a potential stressful situation than anything else. Perhaps I'm just being biased because of the fact that Singapore is a place where to stay in the game, we've gotta be ahead of the normal world average by at least a couple of steps, but this break is something... really something.
Of course, that doesn't mean I don't miss the people back home, as well as certain things like the food, and the other what nots like church, like cell, like studying in VJC. I especially miss Audrey (my chipmunk and awfully close junior and friend), Kaiting and Yvonne (I think they call themselves my guardian angels.. haha..), Vette and Prisc (my two closest church friends), Zhiyuan, Jacob and Joel Teng (my closest male friends, and my mentor), and how can I forget my beloved 20th SC, and the quiet, comforting people like Gayne and Deborah? Haha.. there's a whole list if I were to list them out, definitely.. and it wouldn't be countable with both hands and feet.
I realised how much the quote I placed on facebook "the beauty of the moment seemingly lessened without the ones you love" impacted me last week when I saw yesterday my new lodging and the running route, and then realising that there's really no one here in Canada that I'd really want to share my emotions with. Then thank God, Vette was online? And I just shared with Vette.. and the two of us had a moment of sharing. =) My silly emo-buddy is adorably silly. Haha.. =P
One cannot help but marvel at God's creation of wonderful nature, but I also feel that my season here, God is teaching and moulding me a lot. I'm having to confront much discomfort here in Victoria and UVic... and it's somewhat starting all over again to a certain extent, but by the grace of God, everything has been going smoothly, and has worked out in one way or another. I'm really thankful, and just when I thought that I wouldn't have a chance to practice guitar.. lo and behold, there's a guitar in my new lodging that I can use. Haha.. I'll worship God in quiet and in truth. =P
To everyone who comes by this almost inactive blog.. thanks for being such avid readers! Haha.. God bless each and every one of you. =)
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Dear Mandy...
As the date draws nearer for me to leave for Canada, the strength of the bittersweet feelings just seem to get increasingly stronger and stronger. I'm keen to go, actually, but at the same time, I'm apprehensive about flying.
It's not so much so that it's a new environment, a new place.. cause heck! I think I've been exposed to too many new experiences and working and being by myself for the longest time that for some funny reason, I've managed to adapt, and accommodate quickly.. sure there are times when I'll miss home, esp when I was in the army, but I grew to assimilate and even enjoy the fact that I'm able to live and survive in the army without much problem after the first month or so... well, ok, adjustment period of one month for each new environment/camp I was posted to, with the exception of ever so wonderful OCS. That kinda took me much longer. =)
Perhaps the one thing that has the biggest gravitational pull for me to stay are my friends... wonderful people, especially those who're close to me. Of late? I've kinda realised that my close friend pool has changed yet again... haha... funny... it used to be Abby for the longest period of time.. since I think Pri 6 till Sec 4 that Abby and I were really close.. writing letters to slot into each other's mailboxes... meeting at our void decks every birthday... =) Then now... well, there're still the same pple that I'll run to if I need a shoulder or a listening ear... Jacob, Zhiyuan, Kristy Koh... and then there's the church people like Joel, Yvette, Felicia, Prisc... and of course, Cindy and Audrey. They're the people who I know have been there for me.... and who'll prob continue being there for me. =)
Let's also not ever discount God.. He who knows everything. =) He's always there, been there for me... and never changes. Amazing.
Perhaps this exchange is coming at a time when I need to just go away and rediscover myself. =) Actually looking forward, very much in fact to being in Canada.. where I heard the place that I'm going to is rather tranquil, quiet, and beautiful, and I mean beautiful scenery. It's almost a perfect getaway... =)
So why am I apprehensive? I wonder.. haha...
As the date draws nearer for me to leave for Canada, the strength of the bittersweet feelings just seem to get increasingly stronger and stronger. I'm keen to go, actually, but at the same time, I'm apprehensive about flying.
It's not so much so that it's a new environment, a new place.. cause heck! I think I've been exposed to too many new experiences and working and being by myself for the longest time that for some funny reason, I've managed to adapt, and accommodate quickly.. sure there are times when I'll miss home, esp when I was in the army, but I grew to assimilate and even enjoy the fact that I'm able to live and survive in the army without much problem after the first month or so... well, ok, adjustment period of one month for each new environment/camp I was posted to, with the exception of ever so wonderful OCS. That kinda took me much longer. =)
Perhaps the one thing that has the biggest gravitational pull for me to stay are my friends... wonderful people, especially those who're close to me. Of late? I've kinda realised that my close friend pool has changed yet again... haha... funny... it used to be Abby for the longest period of time.. since I think Pri 6 till Sec 4 that Abby and I were really close.. writing letters to slot into each other's mailboxes... meeting at our void decks every birthday... =) Then now... well, there're still the same pple that I'll run to if I need a shoulder or a listening ear... Jacob, Zhiyuan, Kristy Koh... and then there's the church people like Joel, Yvette, Felicia, Prisc... and of course, Cindy and Audrey. They're the people who I know have been there for me.... and who'll prob continue being there for me. =)
Let's also not ever discount God.. He who knows everything. =) He's always there, been there for me... and never changes. Amazing.
Perhaps this exchange is coming at a time when I need to just go away and rediscover myself. =) Actually looking forward, very much in fact to being in Canada.. where I heard the place that I'm going to is rather tranquil, quiet, and beautiful, and I mean beautiful scenery. It's almost a perfect getaway... =)
So why am I apprehensive? I wonder.. haha...
Friday, August 21, 2009
Dear Mandy...
I don't know, but I suddenly wonder about how important I really am. It's a kind of ironic situation where seriously just a little while ago, I was rather confident of where I stand, but suddenly, I don't think I am.
Perhaps I'm being overly sensitive. But then again, maybe I'm not. Perhaps my own insecurities in the past have resulted in an accumulation of insecurity. I don't know myself.
I can't deny that there's a lot in my heart, right now. Do I feel burdened? Yes, to a certain extent, I do. I just really don't know if I should be happy, sad, upset.. I have absolutely no idea. All I know, is that I just... don't know.
Say I don't know? That's probably me. Say I'm unsure.. mm.. I don't know either. I just.. really wish I knew what to do, or to say, or to just...
Somebody please tell me what to do?
I don't know, but I suddenly wonder about how important I really am. It's a kind of ironic situation where seriously just a little while ago, I was rather confident of where I stand, but suddenly, I don't think I am.
Perhaps I'm being overly sensitive. But then again, maybe I'm not. Perhaps my own insecurities in the past have resulted in an accumulation of insecurity. I don't know myself.
I can't deny that there's a lot in my heart, right now. Do I feel burdened? Yes, to a certain extent, I do. I just really don't know if I should be happy, sad, upset.. I have absolutely no idea. All I know, is that I just... don't know.
Say I don't know? That's probably me. Say I'm unsure.. mm.. I don't know either. I just.. really wish I knew what to do, or to say, or to just...
Somebody please tell me what to do?
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Dear Mandy..
Needing to change my own understanding of certain things, including myself. And that's something that has really struck me. How much do I know about myself? And how well do I know about myself. Such questions run through my mind, and even as I sought the Lord in prayer, and with the input from my friends, especially Cindy, I really realise that there's more to me than what I think I know.
How often have random mindless comments from me struck a sensitive chord in people? How often have questions rendered from my own selfish need resulted in the reservation of people? As I think back, countless times, fuelled more so by recent happenings.
So who am I? Do I really have a pure heart, genuine intentions, and unconditional love for the people around me? Am I really happy? Or am I just thinking I'm happy, when in truth, I am not making decisions for myself? I really wonder. And...
Trust is so fragile. So so fragile. I always thought that I'd be able to honour trust, not abuse it, but similarly, I've failed. Not just once, mind you, but several times. And when it hurts those that I really love and care about, it just eats more at me. So much more. And then you're left with the option of wondering what can you do to regain that trust. The answer? There's no easy option. The reality? You may not even get it back though you try.
And then, what's left? Well, I've resolved to try, and to keep to my promise that I'll keep to the boundaries and to earn back the trust. Even if it doesn't work out, and I'm not able to be trusted again. But well, I'm really honest and sincere about it.. I don't know what I can do.. but I'll do what I can...
I hope you'll forgive me, and let me try again.
Needing to change my own understanding of certain things, including myself. And that's something that has really struck me. How much do I know about myself? And how well do I know about myself. Such questions run through my mind, and even as I sought the Lord in prayer, and with the input from my friends, especially Cindy, I really realise that there's more to me than what I think I know.
How often have random mindless comments from me struck a sensitive chord in people? How often have questions rendered from my own selfish need resulted in the reservation of people? As I think back, countless times, fuelled more so by recent happenings.
So who am I? Do I really have a pure heart, genuine intentions, and unconditional love for the people around me? Am I really happy? Or am I just thinking I'm happy, when in truth, I am not making decisions for myself? I really wonder. And...
Trust is so fragile. So so fragile. I always thought that I'd be able to honour trust, not abuse it, but similarly, I've failed. Not just once, mind you, but several times. And when it hurts those that I really love and care about, it just eats more at me. So much more. And then you're left with the option of wondering what can you do to regain that trust. The answer? There's no easy option. The reality? You may not even get it back though you try.
And then, what's left? Well, I've resolved to try, and to keep to my promise that I'll keep to the boundaries and to earn back the trust. Even if it doesn't work out, and I'm not able to be trusted again. But well, I'm really honest and sincere about it.. I don't know what I can do.. but I'll do what I can...
I hope you'll forgive me, and let me try again.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Dear Mandy,
Well... =)
"It is not day" Romeo Montague said to Juliet Capulet after they had spent their first, and sadly, last night together. "It is not day", Romeo proclaimed, though the sun was shining through the windows, and the rooster had cried dawn. "It is not day", Romeo insisted, though the Capulet guards were up and patrolling. "It is not day", Romeo pleaded, though he knew that his name was out on the streets, and he had been cast into exile. "It is not day", Romeo whispered, knowing that he had precious moments left with his wife, perhaps even the last moments.
"It is not day"
4 simple words, but used in a situation where it means so much. Where else could one bequeath such emotions? Where else could one possibly imagine that four simple words could encompass into it denial, love, desire, regret and perhaps, to a certain extent defiance?
"It is not day"
When simple moments are taken away.. when you see before you what you have lost... you want to proclaim "it is not day". You want to take back what was lost, you want to believe that perhaps, it really isn't day. That the sun that shines through the window in your face is really fake. That you really have a few more moments.. that you feel that... life shouldn't be this way.
"It is not day"
But soon enough, you have to realise... what has happened. And as the music gently fades away, pretty soon, all that's left is to pick yourself up, and walk away. Because it's no longer in your hands... it's in God's hands. Because you've done what you can... and whatever happens is now up to God.
"It is not day"
I believe that God can make things better if He wants to. Thus... I believe that "it is not day", because it really isn't the end of what God wants to do. Thus... perhaps we shouldn't say "it is not day", but instead... we should say "it is not time." Not our time, but God's time.
What will you choose to say?
"It is not time, God's time."
Well... =)
"It is not day" Romeo Montague said to Juliet Capulet after they had spent their first, and sadly, last night together. "It is not day", Romeo proclaimed, though the sun was shining through the windows, and the rooster had cried dawn. "It is not day", Romeo insisted, though the Capulet guards were up and patrolling. "It is not day", Romeo pleaded, though he knew that his name was out on the streets, and he had been cast into exile. "It is not day", Romeo whispered, knowing that he had precious moments left with his wife, perhaps even the last moments.
"It is not day"
4 simple words, but used in a situation where it means so much. Where else could one bequeath such emotions? Where else could one possibly imagine that four simple words could encompass into it denial, love, desire, regret and perhaps, to a certain extent defiance?
"It is not day"
When simple moments are taken away.. when you see before you what you have lost... you want to proclaim "it is not day". You want to take back what was lost, you want to believe that perhaps, it really isn't day. That the sun that shines through the window in your face is really fake. That you really have a few more moments.. that you feel that... life shouldn't be this way.
"It is not day"
But soon enough, you have to realise... what has happened. And as the music gently fades away, pretty soon, all that's left is to pick yourself up, and walk away. Because it's no longer in your hands... it's in God's hands. Because you've done what you can... and whatever happens is now up to God.
"It is not day"
I believe that God can make things better if He wants to. Thus... I believe that "it is not day", because it really isn't the end of what God wants to do. Thus... perhaps we shouldn't say "it is not day", but instead... we should say "it is not time." Not our time, but God's time.
What will you choose to say?
"It is not time, God's time."
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Dear Mandy..
It's been a while.. but I think it's been quite an incredulous learning journey. =)
Met up with some of my beloved 20th SC yesterday.. and my goodness, it was so good! Edrei, Joel Lee, Sara, Hui Zhi, Kristy mei... it was a good reminiscing of times past, and perhaps, for some, a new promise of a new beginning. I've began to really cherish these moments a lot, because I realise that as we all gradually move on in life, we become increasingly busier, especially living in the Singapore context. But it's that one meet up, that cause us to step momentarily back to our more carefree days, being much of who we are. But we also realise how each of us have grown, matured, and even changed slightly. But this lovely clique of mine remain at large the same.. joking, merry and still close. I'm glad. =)
It really makes me think of my own Council days... that though JC was one of the toughest periods of my life thus far.. it was also one of the more memorable, if not the most memorable. Perhaps a bittersweet season.. but as I reflect about it, definitely more sweet than bitter. =)
I do love my 20th SC Councillors.. =)
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Dear Mandy...
Just today, I was anchored back to the wonderful grace of how God works in our lives.
A lot of people know that I've been rather emotional of late, and well, that's the funny thing. I knew I had no reason to be emotional, and yet I was. I mean... life was going on smoothly, my friendships were intact and great, and I was still walking with the Lord. But WHY was I still emotional?
It took the whole of today to realise why, and make the move out of the emotional factor.
First in Quiet Time, the Lord showed me through Elijah, how his words testify that He is a man of God. Through this, the Lord affirmed me that what I have been doing and saying has shown that I am a faithful disciple of Christ. So this set hte tone for the day... God's affirmation.
Then, during prayer point worship, PS Bel gave 2 verses.. Hebrews 11:6 and Hebrews 12:1-3...
Just today, I was anchored back to the wonderful grace of how God works in our lives.
A lot of people know that I've been rather emotional of late, and well, that's the funny thing. I knew I had no reason to be emotional, and yet I was. I mean... life was going on smoothly, my friendships were intact and great, and I was still walking with the Lord. But WHY was I still emotional?
It took the whole of today to realise why, and make the move out of the emotional factor.
First in Quiet Time, the Lord showed me through Elijah, how his words testify that He is a man of God. Through this, the Lord affirmed me that what I have been doing and saying has shown that I am a faithful disciple of Christ. So this set hte tone for the day... God's affirmation.
Then, during prayer point worship, PS Bel gave 2 verses.. Hebrews 11:6 and Hebrews 12:1-3...
"Without faith, it is impossible to please God."
- Hebrews 11:6
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
-Hebrews 12:1-3
- Hebrews 11:6
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
-Hebrews 12:1-3
Well.. these two verses spoke strongly to me.. because I felt that it was a call to God to exercise my faith in Him, and to run with perseverance what He was planned for me, and to turn my eyes upon Jesus, so I will not grow weary and lose heart.
Then came service... where the songs were strong and spoke to me. Fel prayed for me, and it spoke. And the service by Pastor Caleb on overcoming our fears in the Lord, really spoke to me. Especially when Pastor Caleb started asking questions... I guess I let the tears come. I felt God comforting me, and in His presence, i felt safe... then Yuen Shun prayed for me, and so did Jin Hui.
After that... I cried on Jin Hui's shoulders, and it was quite bad I think. Wei Lin was so worried she came over, and I saw the looks on a few people's faces, and they were really shocked. PS Bel and PS Jim came over as well, and then began the biggg talk with PS Jim.
I realised through the talk with PS Jim, that subconsciously, I had lost my way with God in an area that I thought was pretty alright... I guess that in doing so, I had allowed the devil to grip my heart in that area, and turned myself into a bit of a nervous wreck, emotional, when there was really no need to.
My prayer thus became "Lord, grant me wisdom and peace to handle the situations that come my way." Because when we ask for wisdom, the Lord will give it.. and His peace will be our guide. And such, if we have these two, it is difficult for us to lose our way. It is truly by the grace of God that we can be saved, and that we can do right.
So, thank God for revelation and His divine intervention that really gets us walking right with Him. =)
Then came service... where the songs were strong and spoke to me. Fel prayed for me, and it spoke. And the service by Pastor Caleb on overcoming our fears in the Lord, really spoke to me. Especially when Pastor Caleb started asking questions... I guess I let the tears come. I felt God comforting me, and in His presence, i felt safe... then Yuen Shun prayed for me, and so did Jin Hui.
After that... I cried on Jin Hui's shoulders, and it was quite bad I think. Wei Lin was so worried she came over, and I saw the looks on a few people's faces, and they were really shocked. PS Bel and PS Jim came over as well, and then began the biggg talk with PS Jim.
I realised through the talk with PS Jim, that subconsciously, I had lost my way with God in an area that I thought was pretty alright... I guess that in doing so, I had allowed the devil to grip my heart in that area, and turned myself into a bit of a nervous wreck, emotional, when there was really no need to.
My prayer thus became "Lord, grant me wisdom and peace to handle the situations that come my way." Because when we ask for wisdom, the Lord will give it.. and His peace will be our guide. And such, if we have these two, it is difficult for us to lose our way. It is truly by the grace of God that we can be saved, and that we can do right.
So, thank God for revelation and His divine intervention that really gets us walking right with Him. =)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)