Dear Mandy,




Well, this is a clip from the finale of the entire Proposal Daisakusen; the part where Ken finally tells Rei that he likes her. I've cried desperately and painfully at this part 3 out of 4 times I've watched this before, because I realise just how sweet, tender and difficult it must have been for Ken, and for Rei as well. =)



For this clip, it comes from the Proposal Daisakusen SP. I love what Ken is saying as he's running. I'm going to give you the English translation for what he says when he's running, mainly... when the music starts after he leaves the car. Here's what he says:

" About one year ago, I also ran with all my strength this way...
To return to the past, running with all my strength time and time again.. for Rei.
I ran with all my strength before...
because I wanted so badly to change Rei's tears into a smile.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I wanted so badly to see Rei.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I wanted to give Rei my 2nd button.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I didn't want Rei to regret anything.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I wanted to be the first person to celebrate Rei's 20th birthday with her.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I wanted to tell Rei "I love you".
I threw with all my strength before...
Because I didn't want to be forgotten by Rei.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I wanted to propose to Rei.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I was afraid of losing Rei.
Ever since a year ago, I have been running with all my strength for Rei.
Because I didn't want to be separated from Rei...
No matter what, I wanted to tell Rei that I love her...
That I wanted to make her the happiest person in the World...
I ran with all my strength.
Those feelings slowly came back...
and without realising it..
I felt like crying.
Although I still had things left over, I've been running away this past year.
I felt it within the inner depths of myself."

This.. speech by Ken really makes me very wistful. Because how many of us would run so much, do so much for the person that we really love? I don't know, and perhaps, I'll never know, but I'm certain that if we really love someone.. then we'd be able to do so much for him or her. Of course.. I want to be able to do so for God.

For the God who saved me...
For the God who's always been there...
For the God who's always so faithful...
For the God who gave His one and only son, so that I may have eternal life.

And also.. maybe someday.. for the woman that the Lord will bring into my life. I wonder... =)

Yesterday's service was a really good sermon. It had 3 important points, mainly:

1) Knowing our final destiny
2) That we do know God
3) Abiding in God's presence

And yet, the Lord spoke to me about so many things. Three main revelations that struck me, though not necessarily of the same order, but let me elaborate.

The first revelation that He gave me, was in relation to what I'd been reading about in Richard and Kristine Carlson's "One hour to live; one hour to love". Richard Carlson said this: "None of us knows, of course, how long we have to live. Even fewer of us realise what a blessing in disguise this "curse" of knowing we will one day die really is. It encourages us to live on the edge, not to take life for granted, and to be grateful for what we have, treating life as the miracle it truly is." I think that it's self explanatory... if we know our final destiny, then the more we should embrace every moment for what it is worth... instead of moping around, and letting precious nuggets of life slip us by.

The second revelation is that the challenges that we face show us the reality of God. But the Lord prompted me to think even deeper... He asked me to think about why challenges were given to us in the first place. And I answered Him, that every challenge has an obstacle to overcome. The Lord showed me that every obstacle and challenge we face has its own learning objectives, it's own learning pointers. But the question that He gave me was this: Do I even stop to ponder about what the learning points are in each ordeal that I go through, or do I just rejoice and give thanks that I've managed to overcome this obstacle. Every challenge, He said, is an opportunity to become a better person, to learn, and to become more and more like the Jesus that we know who walked the Earth. This revelation struck me really really hard.

The final revelation, is a reminder that the Lord is always with us. In good times, and bad times... He is always there. However, we always wonder and cry out in bad times "Lord, where are you?", when in truth, He's the one that's carrying us in our pains.. just that we're too caught up in our ordeals that we don't even realise that God has always been with us. He's always trying to reach out to us, but it's up to us to discern and try to hear Him speak in our difficult arenas.

I'm starting afresh a new school semester, and this sermon really came at the right time. =) The song that the Lord gave to me, is a rather old song.. it's called "People need the Lord. Here're the lyrics. =)

Every day, they pass me by
I can see it in their eyes
Empty people filled with care
Headed who knows where
On they go through private pain
Living fear to fear
Laughter hides their silent cries
Only Jesus hears

People need the Lord
People need the Lord
At the end of broken dreams
He's the open door
People need the Lord
People need the Lord
When will we realise
People need the Lord

We are called to take His light
To a world, where wrong seems right
What could be too great a cost
For sharing life with one who's lost
Through His love, our hearts can eel
All the grief they bear
They must hear the words of life
Only we can share

People need the Lord
People need the Lord
At the end of broken dreams
He's the open door
People need the Lord
People need the Lord
When will we realise
People need the Lord

"At the end of broken dreams.. people need the Lord."
"I will never fail you, nor forsake you. - Joshua 1:5"

To me.. I guess this song is a call for salvation for people? But it also reminds me of the fact that.. even as Christians, we really need the Lord in our lives.. and where would I be, if not for the almighty God who stays with us through times of pain and suffering? =) I don't know... but I'm thankful for my saviour. =)

Dear Mandy,

Well.. I just watched "Virgin Snow" which starred Miyazaki Aoi and Lee Jun-Ki. This is a story about a Korean transfer student called Min whose father is a potter who went to Japan, and there, he met Nanae, who's a Japanese high school student who ends up in the same school as him, who specialises in art. THeir story blossoms slowly and sweetly, and despite the language barrier... this tale speaks of the efforts a pair of true lovers would take for each other. The two make a pact.. that Min would one day make ceramic pottery, and Nanae would paint them. A simple promise, but taken up by both with much effort and desire. Nanae hones her painting skills, and learns Korean; Min starts learning how to do pottery, and Japanese.

I was sincerly touched by the sweet simplicity of their romance, and the tenderness. All Min wants is to put a smile constantly on Nanae's face, whereas Nanae just wants to spend the rest of her life with Min. But Nanae's family background forces her to make a decision and to move away from Kyoto, which she does without saying anything to anyone, except in a letter inside a amulet that she gives Min on their 100th day together. Min also gives Nanae a ceramic doll that is his first ever successful claywork.. with it, were promises of a future that held much promises and memories... which never came to be, for Min gave the amulet to his grandmother without reading the letter inside. Thus, he returns to Kyoto, not knowing what happened, and why Nanae left. With the hurt brooding in his heart, Min went back to Korea.

In the midst of their romance, Nanae and Min sat on a rowboat in a river in Japan. Nanae then reveals that any couple who sits on a rowboat on this river would never last. And Min then revealed that any couple who walks along Doldam Street in Seoul would also never last. However, this bad luck would be erased when a couple walks along that street on the first day of snow in Korea. They then make a pact to meet along that street the next virgin snow.

2 years later, Nanae's painting won an award at an art competition in Korea, and she chances upon Min. However, Min is cold and aloof to her, and both part with heavy hearts. Nanae goes back to her painting of Kyoto, and adds in the final touches... Min's face at each of the locations that they had ever been together. Min however, breaks all the ceramic statuettes that he had not painted, waiting for Nanae to paint them, and tears the painting Nanae gave him apart. Fate chanced upon them, when Min's grandmother returned the amulet to him, and he finally reads the letter inside. Min goes back to the temple where Nanae and him made a wish together, and finds out that every year, Nanae was waiting for him at Doldam Street in Korea.

When he returns to Seoul, it starts to snow, and he realises that it's the virgin snow in Korea. Remembering what Nanae did every year, he rushes off to Doldam street. In the midst of a jam, he gets out of the taxi, and starts to run to Doldam street. Fuelled by his desire to see Nanae and reconcile with her, he runs the entire distance to Doldam Street... when he reaches... he manages to see a note on a tree written by Nanae: "First Snowfall, date, promise.. I believe." There, he finds Nanae, and they finally get back together.

I'm really touched by the simplicity of this romance story, because it speaks of a very very simple thing: two people taking an effort individually to make a relationship work. It's not easy, definitely... but if two people really feel for each other, and they make an effort... then things should work out eventually. For some people, they might feel the movie to be a bit draggy, and cheesy at certain points... but I see past the movie aspects, to the more emotional and aesthetic aspects... it's really a simple movie with a simple meaning. It's a rather fresh approach to things. =)

Yesterday was my last day at Loyang Sec, and being honest.. I had mixed feelings about it. I was happy that I can stop working, yet a bit wistful, especially with regards to 4A1, and a few other individual students. I think that the students are actually quite good, but they just need motivation and more attention to them for their studies. Well.. I know that there're 4A1 students frequenting my blog, so hello to you! =) Hahaha... but in any case, it's been great.

I also managed to take a few snapshots of the 4E and 5A students' artwork, and I can honestly tell you that some of their art work is really really good. If you don't believe me, take a look at them! =)

A painting about fear

This is Nadia's painting

YingYing's painting about what smoking does to you

Esther's drawing about tourism

A painting about contours

I honestly am impressed by their art work, really. And well, God affirmed me through this opportunity to witness such amazing art pieces that indeed, each of us have been called by Him to fulfill our own purposes in life. I know I can't paint for nuts... but these children can... THese children who're supposedly in a neighbourhood school can create such wondrous pieces of art. They're definitely intelligent, just in a different way from others. =)

I was at "Day of His power" yesterday, where the churches involved in the "Love Singapore" movement gathered to pray for Singapore. And I felt God's presence very strongly in Hall 10, so much so that I was given such renewed vigour when I prayed, or even in worship. I was praying with so much conviction that even I shocked myself. Though I didn't really know what I was praying at times, but it felt so right, because the Lord's presence was reall truly there. Amazing stuff. =)

Well.. I'm forging ahead to school next week.. =) I'll be strong. =)

Dear Mandy,

I went back to VJC for intra Council today, and I can honestly say that I haven't felt this liberated, done so much exercise, nor felt so many emotions in one day all in one go...

I love 20th.
The members of 20th who came today are as follows: Siva, Hui Yi, Kaval, Deepak, Benny, Steffie, Sammie, Joel, Sara, Rachel, Sanjay, David and myself. It was great to see so many 20th, especially Kaval and David whom I haven't seen for a long while... the conversations that we had over prata, as well as over a drink... the reminiscing of moments, even the group talk with Mr. Tan Yew Hwee and the mass dance and cheers towards the end... they spoke of a bond that though significantly less strong, but still of importance in our hearts and our souls. Culminating in the long missed 20th cheer, the council song... i grew to understand and cherish more and more... these friends that I made in my 2 years in VJC, and for some of them... friends probably for life, even.

I really like 25th.
Whenever I see the 25th doing things together, playing or even cheering, i can sense in them an attitude that I really warms my heart. Though I cannot be sure if this feeling is for the whole council, but for some of them, they adopt an attitude of learning, of innocence. They don't stop at the barest of minimums, and they're not too proud to not ask for help. They want to learn, and it shows me that service learning is really an option, and not an obligation. God opened my eyes and let me see that this could be the very last Council that I'm going to be taking care of for a long time coming, and He opened up doors for me. There's a councillor in 25th, Geraldine... She's really a sweet girl. Despite her outwardly happy and joking exterior, I've come to realise that this girl is someone who's actually trying very hard to give her best and to achieve perfection in the things that she does. And amazingly... the Lord opened a door for me to be able to go in and help her in ways that I had never expected that I'd be able to. I really praise God. Then there's also Le-Anne, YuWei, Yiyee amongst others, and I guess that this council, I'm really helping a lot more than I have done for other councils except 20th and 21st... =) Amazing things that God does.

INtra Council has always been a highlight for me, because it's a day whereby we can experience being a student all over again.. using the school facilities, running around the school, meeting my Councillors, like orientation all over again... or back to a day or reminiscing with the Councillors... I believe that there will come a day when nobody from 20th will turn up, seeing how 19th didn't turn up at all today... but we all move on in some way or other. =)

Praise God for memories, and praise God for open doors and windows... =) I do believe that the Lord will use us to bless people... =) I hope I've been just that.

And HELLO GERALDINE!!! =P

Dear Mandy..

And with Proposal Daisakusen's ending...

the tears that I'd never seemed to be able to let flow down my eyes... finally fell... and I cried badly...

I guess that I'm like Iwase Ken, or Yoshida Rei in some sense... but I doubt that the same thing will ever happen to me in the future. For many reasons that I think I shouldn't say.

Proposal Daisakusen is officially one of my most favourite tv shows. =)

Dear Mandy,

Proposal Daisakusen

I was watching this Japanese Serial entitled Proposal Diasakusen, starring Tomohisa Yamashita and Masami Nagasawa, and it's a really touching serial. The serial is about Iwase Ken (Tomohisa) who's witnessing the wedding of his childhood friend, Rei (Masami). However, he's always loved her, but he never confessed to her. So on her wedding day, he finds himself being extremely wistful, and wishing that he could turn back time to change what happened. A fairy living in the church that Rei's getting married, gives him the opportunity to change that. During the photo show of Rei's past, almost every picture that was taken with Ken and their clique showed Rei having an unhappy face. The fairy sends Ken back to a few hours before the picture was taken to salvage things, and also to give him a chance to profess his love for Rei. I'm at episode 4 now, and each turn, the things don't always go as planned, but he somehow manages to make Rei smile eventually, and make things work out, with the end product Rei's smiling face on what was supposedly a frowning picture, and an increase of Ken's importance in Rei's heart.

What this show taught me... is that very often, we don't realise that we're doing things that either hurt others, or that we've been misunderstanding people. Ken has a 2nd chance to make things right.. but what the fairy said in the closing minutes of Episode 4.. that a person's heart takes things that go beyond the limit to make a difference to it's feelings. And it made me extremely wistful.

At this point in time, or rather, after watching Episode 4, i felt extremely wistful. I wish that I had a close friend, someone that I could tell anything about everything, and knowing that I won't be misunderstood, or that I'd have to explain about stuff. And well, there's a lot of things that I think I'd have changed.. one of which would be making time to meet up with really close friends that might have become like how Rei is to Ken... knowing everything about each other... but minus the lack of understanding of Rei that Ken has...

There was a special someone that I though could have been that person... but after a certain journey.. it seems like our friendship isn't even... a friendship anymore. It's perhaps this that's the most hurtful of all that has happened thus far, but I didn't realise it until now... I really miss the times we had, the conversations we shared, and the unspoken understanding that existed... in short, I miss you as that extremely close friend that I share everything with.

The Lord has been faithful, and has provided for me more than once, and been my best friend of late... but there are times when I wish that there was a soulmate amongst one of my friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to all my friends, and to my closest of all, like Jacob, Zhiyuan, Cheryl, Priscilla, Deborah, and so on.. but more to an extent that I wish that... it was like that of how Ken is to Rei.

I don't know how to describe it, but if you watch the show... you'll understand what I mean... =)

Emotional person signing off. =)

Dear Mandy...

The picture that we took before we went for our first ever Open Water dive in Tioman

I just returned from my diving certification course in Tioman, and the experience is completely and utterly fantastic. There's completely nothing else like it, being perfectly honest, and when I went for the trip, I prayed to the Lord, asking Him to fill me with amazing awe and wonder at His creation: nature. Something that no man made object can exemplify, though we often admire the majestic and sturdy view of the skyscrapers which are man made contraptions.. to me, nothing beats the feel of nature, the peacefulnees and tranquility of relatively untouched habitats, and just revelling in the glory of God's wondrous creation.

Of course, the journey wasn't all that smooth sailing to begin with. The choppy waters in the middle of the night saw our boat ride resemble that of a mini roller coaster... we would rise up really high, come back down really low... and the whole trip just really made sleeping difficult as well. One of us, Hui Lin, being prone to motion sickness, ended up vomitting the whole of the 3.5 hour ride from Mersing jetty to Tioman island.. and yes, we reached Tioman at about 3am plus, where we got our rooms (which are quite nice actually) and just prompty concussed after changing out of our attire, brushing our teeth.

(From L to R) Meng Siong, ShuYu, Kathrine, myself - just before we descended to the sea bottom

Meng Siong and myself in the water posing during a skills session underwater

The first day saw us going out for our open water dive, which basically was 2 dives, swimming out to House Reef for a test on our basic skills, and even to have a glimpse of what Tioman promises... of course, at House Reef, it was really just the barest minimum.. and already, we saw Sea Urchins, Sea Cucumbers, Stone Fishes, and a lot more... really, it was already a breathtaking sight to behold.. God's amazing wonders.. and it really left me in awe of what God can really do. The underwater world.. =)

The Stone Fish

We had to study for our test at 6.30pm after that, and we spent close to 3 hours plus just studying. The heat of the day as well as the comfort of the location lulled me to sleep for 15 minutes.. but the test came soon enough, and well.. we all passed.. *yay* and the food there is really quite good actually. =) But of course, they had a BBQ buffet dinner, which ended in a heavy shower and a blackout that lasted from the night, 8.30pm all the way until the time we left, it hadn't been resolved yet.

We are Pro Muggers!!!

Well, we spent close to 1 hr just sitting outside on the verandah, feeding mosquitoes, listening to songs from our handphones, and talking, I started getting very reflective actually, and I think it was kinda obvious. Hahah.. the night didn't go very well, cause we slept with the windows open, and the mosquitoes had a field day coming in to feed. *Rolls eyes*

This was just before we descended on our first ever leisure dive!

THe next morning, we went for our leisure dive!!! YAY!!! Oh gosh, we did the "Giant Stride" entry into the water, and we saw so many things!!!! Corals, more sea urchins, beautiful colourful fishes, some eels, a big pomfret lookalike, Clown fish.... really wonderful things. THe best part of the dive for me, was feeding the fishes undewater with bread. THere were two awfully cute black and blue fishes that came to eat the bread off my hand... and they nibbled my fingers. Hhaha.. very ticklish sensation, but still adorable. =)

Lionel feeding fish with bread

Really beautiful corals

Fishes!! of unknown species

Sea urchins
A school of fish!!

At the end of the dive, a picture underwater!

The dive trip ended with the 2nd leisure dive... and we headed back to SIngapore. The company that I had with this trip, Simply Scuba, were really great instructors, and the friends that i went and got certified with... Shu Yu, Kathrine, Hui Lin, Zhiyuan and Meng Siong were relatively good company. Just glad abt it.

(From L to R) Kathrine, ShuYu, Yanto (DM), Meng Siong, Lionel (Instructor), ZhiYuan, HuiLin, myself

Really needed God's strength this period of time, and true to His promises, what I prayed for came true. I'll just revel in the wonders of God's creation, and plan my next trip! =)

Dear Mandy,

I guess that there comes a time when you realise that you've lost a part of yourself... the direction that you've always adopted, and of course, that startling realisation that you've kinda lost sight of a lot of things in your life.

Jacob pointed out to me the day before that I seem to be rather unhappy with stuff... that... well... there's a part of me that seems to have died away. He did catch some vibes from me... the truth being that I am still pretty much the happy-go-lucky person that I am, and still jovial and everything, but beneath all that, there's a underlying sense of unhappiness that seems to sap the genuine joy that I used to portray every now and then.

Perhaps I do know what's causing this unhappiness, and I just can't seem to muster up the courage to face it, or to even reflect about it, and spend time with God regarding it. But as what Kristy and Jacob say.. I can't keep hiding away from it forever. I guess I'm going to have to face up to it soon, and I somehow can sense the Lord beckoning me to come unto Him...

I've been keeping myself extremely busy of late... in some sense, not wanting to face up to what has come. But the Lord showed me that it won't work that way, using the Step Up programme and 2 consecutive weeks of mistakes to show me that even if my heart is there... if I'm using it to avoid from a problem.. then it still affects my performance. Many a time, it's the grace of God that leads me through it all.. but I know that I can't take it for granted, though I keep falling short of the mark.

Been busy with Project CLASS, STEP UP Programme and MAGICBOX merchandise sales.. so if anyone's interested in selling merchandise at Esplanade, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! =)I've got a few pictures to show...

My Project CLASS Group - RAINBOW

I love the sandcastles!!!

Nice huh? Hahaha.. i really like them! =)

Dear Mandy,



This song... is the first ever Japanese song that I ever fell in love with, and now, here it is, the complete MTV, with English subtitle translations. I love the lyrics, I love the meaning, and I love the emotions invoked by this song.




This is the first Korean song that ever melted my heart... because of the true simplicity of the meaning of the song, and the honest opinions that were brought out by it. =)

Well, if it's not too much, take a listen. =)

Dear Mandy,

I just watched another sad tearjerker movie, and in contrast to the sweet comedy I watched in the morning, I really like this one.


The whole synopsis can be found in this website: http://www.lovehkfilm.com/panasia/heavenly_forest.htm

Well, the movie has a very subtle plot, and in some sense... the girl Miyazaki Aoi portrays (Shizuru) reminds me of myself... haha... ok, so I'm not entirely like her... but in some areas.. I feel it's the same. I have to admit though, I'm not nearly as strong as she is... how she befriends Miyuki, the girl of Makoto's dream, despite her love for Makoto... and everything. But it does become obvious.. (perhaps cause I think too much into the whole plot and everything). But then again, this movie made me think about a lot of things...

What's better: to love or be loved. I know that everyone has their own mixed opinions about things... but I do believe that to love is better. Because love doesn't necessarily mean having to be together with that person for you to get happiness. I believe that true love is to see the people (or in this case, person) that you love being happy. And I know now that indeed... this is what I should do. =) Perhaps I really did set off on the right direction.. but to those who know what I'm talking about... I guess I really saw the light. =)

It seems that everything of late was preparing me for this? Listening to Evelyn Tan's old songs yesterday, Deborah talking to me about really giving up everything to the Lord, and now the movie, Heavenly Forest. It was really giving up on your own love so that your own love would be able to move on with life, and handle your departure better. It's... really a very huge sacrifice. I found myself wondering... would I be able to handle such a sacrifice? Would I even be able to make such a sacrifice? One can only wonder.. it's easy to say "Yes I can" right now... but when it really happens... how many of us can say "Yes" then?

Honestly... It's a call to really evaluate everything that's happened, and even find some time to reflect upon all that has happened, and to really tune my attitude, preparing it for the next semester, and also, for the next chapter of life that looms ahead for me... and amazingly, whatever I was sharing with Pearlyn just now was also in tune with this.

"You are your greatest teacher."

I was sharing with Pearlyn that this quote is quite true... because... we decide our attitudes. And our attitude determines what we want to learn, what we want to absorb, what we want to retain, does it not? And I resolved that... because God is concerned with the state of the heart most, and our attitudes are a reflection of the state of our heart. So I resolve to try to maintain this... the human mind's fickleness I know too well of.. so I wanna just try to make this happen...

Well... this is a new step out. I'll take it in faith. =)

Dear Mandy,

Well... today, i got a new baby!!

Tee hee... meet my new hi-fi player that can play CDs, have an FM radio, and plays through my IPod as well! Haha... and the sounds system is goooood! =) Of course... when this baby came in... I had to do some stuff...


Well, on the left is the cleared table.. looks so empty right? That's when you end up looking on the right, which are all my table's stuff on the floor.. haha... yes yes.. I got a lot of junk on my table right? So that's why I had to clear my table!!! Haha.. i dumped lots and lots of stuff.. stuff that honestly, I've been keeping quite nostalgic moments... but in the end, I decided to do one clearance, and was more selective than I ever was.. and now, this is the end product!!

It's definitely more spacious and neater than it used to be... haha... happy happy happy!!! So now my new baby is on my table, and now I don't have to worry about no music... or rather... the hassle whenever I wanted to play music. Haha.. happy happy!!

Dear Mandy...

Sometimes.. guys can be complete jerks... seriously.. I just came off the phone with Maggie... and what she's told me (I'm not comfortable sharing what she told me), i deduce that some guys can really be complete jerks... of course... I also have to admit that there are some girls who can be jerks too... but somehow or rather... I just don't understand some things...

What does it take, being honest, to make a difference? What does it take to be what people would see as a good husband? And where is the line between loyal faithfulness and blind dumbness? I guess that's something that I'll never really be able to find out. It's really... just... that feeling of not knowing where i fit in, or where I belong that really scares me and makes me think about what life is all about; wondering what God has planned for my life... and the whole uncertainty of it all has this mysterious feel, but also this apprehensive ambiguous feel. Like... you're stuck in the middle, and you know not of what may be, or what will be.

After the conversation with Maggie.. something she told me really struck me, and got me wondering.. I shared it with Deborah, and both of us kinda... feel the same way, given that both of us are undergoing something similar at the moment... I'll share my interpretation of what Maggie told me:

"You chose this path, so please be happy... for you had a choice, but I didn't really have one."

I know.. I know that God gave us the ability of choice, which is also one of God's greatest gifts to us. I do believe that I have the choice to decide how my attitude to life is going to be. It's just difficult to always stay the same... you can decide today you wanna be the most optimistic person in the whole wide world, and the next thing you know.. your whole world comes tumbling and crashing down on you, and you're left wondering what hope is there left to be optimistic.

But there's always hope... it's just hard to cling onto it when all you see is that little speck of light that signifies hope in an otherwise completely dark environment. But then.. you take baby steps towards that light, and you don't know it then, but every single step that you take is an increase in the hope that you harbour. At this moment, I believe that that's me. I'm trying to remain optimistic, trying to reach for that light... and I'm growing in hope each step I take. It's definitely encouraging to myself.

Of course.. I couldn't have made it without some people who've stuck by me, or given me sound advice all this while... Cheryl, Deborah, Maggie, Kristy, Audrey, Priscilla, Felicia, Xiaoyun, my "daughters" Serene and Yi Wei, Joel, Isaac, Zhiyuan and Jacob... and it's really been nice to know that there're always people who'll be there for you when you need them. Of which, Kristy's advice, Priscilla's constant presence, Deborah's companionship and Maggie's phone calls have been really heartwarming.. and I want to thank God for always being there. Really really thank you to everyone.

Today's "Step Up" BBQ went well, and praise God for good weather and good fellowship. But as the night drew to a close, and we had our debrief.. I couldn't help but notice that there were things that we've been overlooking, despite the relative success of the event. But one thing is for sure, is that, along the way, we've made considerable progress. Whenever I think back of the first day we ever had the programme to the current location that we're in, I really give thanks to the Lord. But as the new semester is to begin, I urged them to also begin on a new slate. Forgetting our past disappointments, discouragements and doubts, and to really refresh our spirit in the Lord, and starting on new ground. Each of the facilitators have their own strengths, and we have to tap on that aspect, as well as learn and improve ourselves from each other to grow stronger. So far, we're really starting to complement each other... and I believe that it's really all God's amazing grace.

So, as we forge onwards in hope, let us also forge forwards with our walk with God. =)

John 14:6-
'Jesus answered, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Dear Mandy,

I got tagged by XiaoWei to do this... *grumbles*... this daddy sometimes is taken advantage of by his daughters...

1.At what age do you wish to get married?
- I thought about this seriously before.. between 29 to 32.

2.If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 4 buddies you'd take and why?
- If i can choose, I'd take a lot of people.. 20th, JB Tribe, some close friends. BUt if I die die have to take only 4... I'd take Zhiyuan, Jacob, Cheryl, and Kristy.

3.Where is the place you want to go the most?
- A place where the beach is tranquil, and is serene...

4.If you can have 1 dream come true, what would it be?
- That everyone around me can be happy

5.Do you believe you can survive without money?
- Yeah.. definitely... the most precious things in the world cannot be bought!

6.What are you afraid to lose the most?
- My close friends, my family... but most importantly, I don't want to lose God.

7.If you win $1 million, what would you do?
- $1 million? I'd keep 20% for myself, donate 20% of it to the church for the furtherance of God's kingdom, donate 20% to a community cause, 10% to my parents, 10% to my sister, and the remaining 20% to be distributed to the needy.

8.If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
- If that person is the one meant for me, as ordained by God, He will tell me if I should.

9.One bad point the person who tagged you has got.
- YiWei: she's my "daughter". Haha.. blur. =)

10.Is everything possible to you?
- If God ordained it, it will be possible.

11.What kind of person do you hate the most?
- Arrogant, self-centered and insensitive.

12.If you are given the chance to go back to the past and make a difference, would you?
- Yes.. there're just too many things that I would have loved to change...

13.What thing cannot be seen by the others the most?
- For me.. I believe it's the state of the heart.

14.Any wisdom to share with your readers?
- 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 6 says "⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."

15.If there's a war happening in your place, are you going to move to a safer place, or fight?
- Respond to the activation. Bid farewell to my loved ones, and go in with the purpose of fighting my best, because I want to protect them.

16.If you have the chance, which part of your character would you lik to change?
- Well.. God created me the way He deemed me as perfect... isn't it? =)

17.Who is the person you can share all your problems with?
- There're a few. I'd rely on God first and foremost.. but I know that where I need confidantes, I have people like Deborah, Kristy, Zhiyuan, Jacob, and even my sotong babies! =)

18.What do you think the most stupid thing humans can get into?
- Well.. if it was stupid, then that would mean everyone has probably done it before right? -_-""

19.What does love means to you?
- Love... is unconditional, love is patient... love is an unexplainable phenomenon

20. Tag 10 people to do this...
- I'm not tagging anyone... =)


There!! DOne!! Xiaowei!!!! U cannot complain le! =)

Dear Mandy,

Sometime back.. I started thinking about what is loss, in actual reality. No prizes for guessing that I've been through a bit of a rough patch, and I'm still healing (no, nobody passed away yeah?), but along the way... I guess I started to attempt to understand just why things happen the way they do.. trying to think about what God has in plan for certain things happening the way they do. My conclusion? I don't really know either. I cannot fathom the wonders that God has done in my life and in the lives of others, but I cling on to His promises of a future to prosper me, and His plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Then.. i watched "Message in a bottle". And what I'm going to do now, is to give you the very first letter that Theresa ever found, that was written by Garrett for Catherine in a bottle Theresa found by the sea.

"Dear Catherine,

I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in so long. I feel I've been lost; no bearings, no compass. I keep crashing into things; a little crazy I guess. I've never been lost before- You were my true North. I could always steer for home when you were my home. Frogive me for being so angry when you left. I stil think some mistakes were made, and I'm waiting for God to take them back.

But I'm doing better now. The work helps me. Most of all, you help me. You came into my dream last night with that smile of yours that always held me like a mother, rocked me like a child. All I remember from the dream is the feeling of peace. I woke up with that feeling and tried to keep it alive as long as I could, and writing to tell you that I'm on a journey toward that peace. And to tell you I'm sorry for so many things.

I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you so that you never spent one minute being cold, or scared, or sick.

I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words to tell you what I was feeling.

I'm sorry I didn't fix the screen door. I fixed it now.

I'm sorry I ever fought with you.

I'm sorry I didn't apologise more; I was too proud.

I'm sorry I didn't bring you more compliments for everything you wore and very way you fixed your hair.

I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength that even God couldn't pull you away.

All my love,
G"

And then, it kinda struck me there and then.. that in all honesty, loss is something that happens so that we can start to appreciate things more. Well, it isn't the only reason for the existence of loss, but in this simple.. letter.. it really showed me what loss could be to some people. It's a reminder of the things that you could have done.. it's a reminder that you shouldn't miss any chance to show people how much they mean to you.

Even as I sort of handle the sudden change in events between a close friend and myself, handle the stress of "Step-Up" programme and Magicbox merchandise sales, I come to realise that I have to rely on God for strength to be strong for others.. and in some way, myself. I cannot deny that things between us are awkward, to say the least, but I believe that both of us know what we need to do.. we just need time? Then I turn to God's promise.. that in His time, He'll make all things beautiful (Ecclesiastes 3:11) .

I'm learning as I go along.. but trust me when I say that I'm not sharing much of what has happened to me these days, because I'm not really comfortable with it. Well.. people who know me, know how I'm like (yes Kris.. I can hear you scolding me already..). So there's really no point asking or probing. I'll tell in due time.. when things are more or less evened out.

Please watch Magicbox! Details are on www.magicbox.com.sg !!

Well... I guess that if I find a purpose in doing something, then it all somehow gets better? I went for community service on Saturday... cause I went for Project S.M.I.L.E. (Spreading magic in love everywhere) and one of the course criteria was to go for this community service at NUH, to perform what we learnt for the children's wards and the elderly wards... and to be perfectly honest... I found so much meaning in the entire thing. My feelings were a bit warped... when I performed for that one kid in the A Class ward, who was flown in straight from Indonesia for a gall bladder operation, it filled me with emotions that had been long missing... I couldn't believe that once upon a time, I was his age... and when we performed each trick, his looks of innocent awe, and childish surprise, completely took my breath away, because I realised.. that for that short 10 to 15 minutes of performing for him... I allowed myself to forget about this skeptical world that we live in, and just to be amazed by the wonder of childish innocence and naivity, that which Jesus probably always wished that we would keep... Somewhere along the way, before I left, i reached down to hi-5 him, and he did just that, but he also gripped my hand tightly for a fleeting moment... I don't know.. but I just felt a bit... liberated? =)

The elderly side... they made me feel that the world has been harsh to some of them, where others make me feel like all they want is a little attention, and a little concern. There was this uncle.. who had problems speaking? And we couldn't really understand what he was saying really.. and though initially i felt that you know, he wasn't convinced by our magic? But after a while.. I saw that he just had problems communicating with us. And it kinda... brought this warm feeling? I dunno... then before we left, he held my hand so tightly.. and i managed to understand him trying to encourage us to keep trying. Such simple moments.. yet such impactful emotions. Wow.

I guess that God is there with me all this while.. I just need to trust Him. =) Be a surprise ambassador for Him! =)

Dear Mandy,

Well... perhaps Martina McBride's song best sums it up?

Till I can make it on my own. =)

Dear Mandy,

My favourite scenes from the movie "Secret"



From 4.30minutes to 5.08 minutes is my favourite scene, which includes my favourite phrase! Of course, the whole clip has some really sweet moments as well. =)



From 08.20 minutes onwards... the scene where she tells him that she likes him.

These scenes are really.. simple, yet sweet and romantic.. I think perhaps.. I'm a tad more sensitive to such stuff? =)

"Love is patient, love is kind."

Dear Mandy,



Whoever said that Jay Chou movies are not really good? This one... is really really good. The movie took off on a normal note... you know, guy meets girl, girl is a bit weird... doesn't always turn up for lessons.. that kinda stuff. But their relationship blossoms.. sweetly, and romantically. A bit fast for my liking, but as the story unfolds, it becomes more and more understandable. The whole incident is good, then when the recap starts to unfold... it really really becomes more and more clear why.. and then all of a sudden, everything falls into play during the explanation of what happened by Jay Chou's dad... the whole reality of the situation comes right back smack in your face, and you end up discovering exactly how good the whole plot is, and how sweet and amazing the story is. I felt like tearing at the end of the show, and for all romantic saps out there, this is one show that I sincerely believe you don't want to miss.

From the movie, this really stands out for me... “能遇见你，已经是不可思议了!" This was said to Jay by 路小雨, the female lead actress, and the honest truth lies in that he's the only person who can see her, given that this whole thing is something similar to Il Mare, or the Lakehouse...? Except that it's a more different version than expected. In all honesty, it really is a good movie.

Well.. been so tired of late, but I still am glad with what's been going on. Can't do camps for lots of reasons, like "Step Up" camp, call ups, reservists... *smiles ruefully* I guess that it's really becoming much of a faraway notion. =)

Well.. back to reality, starting tomorrow! Praying for God's grace to be with me as I go through this hectic week.. but I believe life is good, because God is good. =)

Dear Mandy,

Well... you know that seriously, life is good when despite being ever so busy and all that, you manage to squeeze out time to do other stuff... I think I like being busy... but then.. when I think about how much more compressed time is for me to do the things I really wanna do, then I feel kinda offkey.. haha... I think I'm pretty weird this holiday to begin with anyway!

That being said... I managed to meet up with my cousins, my Council, today meeting up with Gwen, Cher Li and Farand, next week meeting up with some uni friends, and then camp! Hahaa... I'm looking forward to the camp, actually. All the planning that I've been doing with the "Step-Up" programme facilitators, and all the feelings of camp is really coming back to me now. However, that being said, the mentality that every camp will turn out as planned is never true... based on experience, so I'm trying to see things in a more realistic point of view... oh well...

Next week is going to be packed beyond compare.. I'm wondering what in heck have I gotten myself into? But when I look at it, surprisingly, I feel a sense of peace. I think this is what I've been really missing. Doing stuff I find meaningful and really care about... but then I kinda come back to the thoughts of lots of other things, and I find myself being incoherent. There're a lot of things that we just don't have answers for.. and perhaps.. I'm just needing sometime off to rest and recuperate before the end season comes in, and then it's time to head back to uni for one more year of hectic mugging and assignments. I kinda get scared thinking about what I'm about to face in year 2, given that Year 1 was such an experience. Then again.. I kinda fear that uni has sort of desensitised me? I'm meeting all sorts of people in Uni these days... and it's really... i dunno.. reality catches up and we all need a raincheck. I think i could definitely use one.

Reflecting upon Tommy Tenny's seminar and service last weekend, and I realise that it's really true. We do need to have a constant hunger for the Lord. And what does being hungry mean? Being hungry for the Lord, is always wanting to be in His presence. Trusting that where we are empty, He will fill us up. And to do so, we need to live a life of Worship. We are the filter paper, keeping in God's judgment, but releasing God's grace and mercy. Finally... in order to be able to filter well, we need to have Passion for God, and compassion for humanity. In essence.. our worship determines our destiny... don't flirt with lower levels, and fall short of what God has planned for you... I guess it's really true... =)

After meeting with my cell leader, Joel on Monday, and talking to Cheryl and Xiaoyun on Thursday... a lot of things kinda came to light. I realised the mistakes in perspectives, and I kinda discussed it... and things felt so much better.. correction.. things started getting better... though.. i don't know how the journey is going to turn out..? But I do know that it's really all in God's hands. I'm more and more in awe of the wonders of God now... and it further enhanced what Tommy Tenny was saying... that indeed... Worship determines our destiny. =)

Well, onwards with the preparation! It's going to start getting really hectic! =)

Dear Mandy,

Well... tomorrow is going to be the Sociolinguistics paper.. the start of the papers that are all closed book, and the last 3 of this semester's examinations.

How do I feel about the 2 that have passed... neutral... cause I believe that it's all in God's hands... I committed the paper into the Lord's hands when I completed it.. and I believe that what will be will be in God's time.. that He will provide and make all things beautiful.

However, sometime at 9pm, after I finished studying for Sociolinguistics and I gave Pearlyn a call to check on how her mugging for it was coming about... i kinda started panicking. It was like... I dunno... I always liked this module... but just... can't seem to score well for it. And I want to do well, but there's a lot to remember, and there's definitely not going to be enough space to write everything... and I don't think I can remember everything anyway... So, kinda triggered the panic button...

But the Lord is gracious, and good. I said a prayer to Him after the call with Pearlyn.. and He answered me. How? Pearlyn's closure words were really comforting and encouraging... and then... so many people suddenly came to wish me all the best, though online, but heyyy!! =) Andreas, Le-Anne, Stacy, Zhiyuan, Priscilla, Sharon, Hui Zhi and Cheryl! =) Seriously feel very blessed.

Well.. I know that no matter what happens, God is going to be with me. What Pris said is very true... Faith is only complete with hope. =) I'll use that as my mantra. =)

Dear Mandy...

Well... the exams have officially begun!! *Melancholic smile* Kinda resolved to it that it's finally here.

That being said, today was the first paper...! It could have gone much better... and well.. realised that I had one last question left when the "pens down" command was given. So i quickly calculated it and scribbled the answer down... feel kinda guilty about it actually... cause i shouldn't have done that... trying to console myself by saying that the invigilator kept going to the mike to clarify this and that question... but i know that that's just excuses. I'll have to remind myself that it's not right, and when the opportunity presents itself next, I'll just drop my pen and refuse to do anymore changes.

Kinda felt God's peace with me during the paper.. wasn't all that jittery, and was able to take it a step at time... the wonders of praying just before the paper starts over the paper... committing it into God's hands... =) I'm thankful.

Well.. that's one down, 4 to go!

Realised that watching soccer is a stress relief.. especially during match support... yeah yeah.. I've been watching one soccer match too many these days... VJC soccer and EPL... rawr... I like watching VJC soccer... cause I partake in match support and just scream everything away... and 25th SC are quite a cute bunch of people.. (OK, so I say that about every batch..)... and I got myself a new 妹!! Le-Anne.. haha... of course, there're also the cute cute people like Yee Yi, Andy, YuWei, Xiaowei, YiLing, Gerald and so much more besides... well.. their term is soon to begin. I'll keep them in prayer.

Made a resolution to keep social distance... wanna know more? Ask Pris. Hahaha.. =p

Dear Mandy,

And where the exams are in 12 days, I find myself surprisingly calm... despite seeing the past year exam questions that I have completely no idea how to do, I'm still calm. I wonder if it's because God's with me, and I know that God will get me through the exams and that's why I'm calm, or is it because I'm complacent and slack. =(

Well... whichever it is, I know that I'm picking up the engine. Realise that I'm really more productive at night, and I really like studying at VJC. These days, I find it hard to wake up.. and as a result, I waste close to 30mins or so. Best was one fine day, Mom woke me up, and I thought it was 8.30am... turns out it's 9.30am already. Imagine the mad rush i went into, considering I had to reach school by 11am. Time has become my enemy... as such, i started sleeping later and later, in an attempt to finish more work. Daytime has become my sleeping monster... night has become my alive factor. Feels like Night Safari.

That being said... I'm starting to really want to be a pilgrim for the Lord. I memorised the entire Psalm 84 after service on Sunday, when the service was titled very aptly "Why do I sing about Jesus?", and in it, the gist of it was the call to live life, and every action as a form of worship unto the Lord. What Wei Liang said made me draw links... He used to think that every action should be a form of love. So I linked that yes, every action is a form of Love, but precisely because the Lord first loved us, so we can be so loving and accommodating to others, so every action is an act of love. However, because we love the Lord, and we want to follow the Lord's commandments to love one another, as such, every action of love we do, is a praise unto the Lord. And what better way to praise the Lord than to worship Him with all our hearts and soul? And thus, every action should be a form of worship unto the Lord. It's a bit of a confusing link, definitely... but hey! Haha... I get it! =p

Just told Florence (not the Step-Up Florence, but my Soci friend Florence) that "we only have control over certain things... especially where they concern ourselves.." (Lim, 2008) *Hehehehe... yes yes... I can already feel all the pple who write essays rolling their eyes at my weak attempt to do citation* But I find it very true... we can only take things a step at a time, and make changes over the things that we have control over. It's really true. However, I will not forget to exalt the Lord who watches over me, and grants me the strength to have this kind of control. Yes, Father Lord... YOU are the one who makes all things possible. =)

So, even as I go rest and prepare for another day of studying tomorrow, I know that because God is with me, I will be alright eventually. For He has a plan for me that I know not of yet, but I know that He will make all things beautiful in His time, and I know that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I will trust in His Holy name.. because there is nothing better. =) Because "Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere". I love you Lord.

To all the people who have their exams coming up, all the best! And to a few special people...

ZhiYuan - For all the mugging sessions that we have gone through, and all the sharing, and even being involved in a personalised McDelivery session.. haha... it's great having someone like you to tide through the ups and downs of uni with.

Jacob - FOr the surprise dinner, and the conversations that we have. I'm thankful I get to walk through this journey with your stable presence. =)

Meng Siong - For all the mugging together? Haha...

Deepak - For all the times that we spent in your room studying and Youtubing!

Deborah - For trusting in me so much, and confiding in each other. THank you.

Yvette - For all the little conversations that we have... and the encouragement over badly graded essays... =)

XiaoYun - For all the jokes, the study sessions in school, the prayers and the words. RED KITE!! =P But that aside.. it's nice to have someone so bubbly and cheerful as u around in an otherwise dreary routine Uni life. =)

Pila - Panda! Hahaha.. thank you for keeping me in check, thank you for all the words that you give me, thank you for your patient nature and your sisterly concern that u shower. And for sabo-ing me. But truth be told.. I'm glad that I have you as a close friend in the tribe. =)

Cheryl - Words fail me, but still, thank you. Because of your patience with me, your vote of confidence for me, and even the free spirited nature of everything, I realised that I am actually adequately prepared. =) I'm glad that I'm walking this journey with you, my dear friend, for all the mochas and chocolates, and the Mexican flair? Thank you.

Good night people!