Dear Mandy...
Well... the exams have officially begun!! *Melancholic smile* Kinda resolved to it that it's finally here.
That being said, today was the first paper...! It could have gone much better... and well.. realised that I had one last question left when the "pens down" command was given. So i quickly calculated it and scribbled the answer down... feel kinda guilty about it actually... cause i shouldn't have done that... trying to console myself by saying that the invigilator kept going to the mike to clarify this and that question... but i know that that's just excuses. I'll have to remind myself that it's not right, and when the opportunity presents itself next, I'll just drop my pen and refuse to do anymore changes.
Kinda felt God's peace with me during the paper.. wasn't all that jittery, and was able to take it a step at time... the wonders of praying just before the paper starts over the paper... committing it into God's hands... =) I'm thankful.
Well.. that's one down, 4 to go!
Realised that watching soccer is a stress relief.. especially during match support... yeah yeah.. I've been watching one soccer match too many these days... VJC soccer and EPL... rawr... I like watching VJC soccer... cause I partake in match support and just scream everything away... and 25th SC are quite a cute bunch of people.. (OK, so I say that about every batch..)... and I got myself a new 妹!! Le-Anne.. haha... of course, there're also the cute cute people like Yee Yi, Andy, YuWei, Xiaowei, YiLing, Gerald and so much more besides... well.. their term is soon to begin. I'll keep them in prayer.
Made a resolution to keep social distance... wanna know more? Ask Pris. Hahaha.. =p
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Dear Mandy,
And where the exams are in 12 days, I find myself surprisingly calm... despite seeing the past year exam questions that I have completely no idea how to do, I'm still calm. I wonder if it's because God's with me, and I know that God will get me through the exams and that's why I'm calm, or is it because I'm complacent and slack. =(
Well... whichever it is, I know that I'm picking up the engine. Realise that I'm really more productive at night, and I really like studying at VJC. These days, I find it hard to wake up.. and as a result, I waste close to 30mins or so. Best was one fine day, Mom woke me up, and I thought it was 8.30am... turns out it's 9.30am already. Imagine the mad rush i went into, considering I had to reach school by 11am. Time has become my enemy... as such, i started sleeping later and later, in an attempt to finish more work. Daytime has become my sleeping monster... night has become my alive factor. Feels like Night Safari.
That being said... I'm starting to really want to be a pilgrim for the Lord. I memorised the entire Psalm 84 after service on Sunday, when the service was titled very aptly "Why do I sing about Jesus?", and in it, the gist of it was the call to live life, and every action as a form of worship unto the Lord. What Wei Liang said made me draw links... He used to think that every action should be a form of love. So I linked that yes, every action is a form of Love, but precisely because the Lord first loved us, so we can be so loving and accommodating to others, so every action is an act of love. However, because we love the Lord, and we want to follow the Lord's commandments to love one another, as such, every action of love we do, is a praise unto the Lord. And what better way to praise the Lord than to worship Him with all our hearts and soul? And thus, every action should be a form of worship unto the Lord. It's a bit of a confusing link, definitely... but hey! Haha... I get it! =p
Just told Florence (not the Step-Up Florence, but my Soci friend Florence) that "we only have control over certain things... especially where they concern ourselves.." (Lim, 2008) *Hehehehe... yes yes... I can already feel all the pple who write essays rolling their eyes at my weak attempt to do citation* But I find it very true... we can only take things a step at a time, and make changes over the things that we have control over. It's really true. However, I will not forget to exalt the Lord who watches over me, and grants me the strength to have this kind of control. Yes, Father Lord... YOU are the one who makes all things possible. =)
So, even as I go rest and prepare for another day of studying tomorrow, I know that because God is with me, I will be alright eventually. For He has a plan for me that I know not of yet, but I know that He will make all things beautiful in His time, and I know that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I will trust in His Holy name.. because there is nothing better. =) Because "Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere". I love you Lord.
To all the people who have their exams coming up, all the best! And to a few special people...
ZhiYuan - For all the mugging sessions that we have gone through, and all the sharing, and even being involved in a personalised McDelivery session.. haha... it's great having someone like you to tide through the ups and downs of uni with.
Jacob - FOr the surprise dinner, and the conversations that we have. I'm thankful I get to walk through this journey with your stable presence. =)
Meng Siong - For all the mugging together? Haha...
Deepak - For all the times that we spent in your room studying and Youtubing!
Deborah - For trusting in me so much, and confiding in each other. THank you.
Yvette - For all the little conversations that we have... and the encouragement over badly graded essays... =)
XiaoYun - For all the jokes, the study sessions in school, the prayers and the words. RED KITE!! =P But that aside.. it's nice to have someone so bubbly and cheerful as u around in an otherwise dreary routine Uni life. =)
Pila - Panda! Hahaha.. thank you for keeping me in check, thank you for all the words that you give me, thank you for your patient nature and your sisterly concern that u shower. And for sabo-ing me. But truth be told.. I'm glad that I have you as a close friend in the tribe. =)
Cheryl - Words fail me, but still, thank you. Because of your patience with me, your vote of confidence for me, and even the free spirited nature of everything, I realised that I am actually adequately prepared. =) I'm glad that I'm walking this journey with you, my dear friend, for all the mochas and chocolates, and the Mexican flair? Thank you.
Good night people!
And where the exams are in 12 days, I find myself surprisingly calm... despite seeing the past year exam questions that I have completely no idea how to do, I'm still calm. I wonder if it's because God's with me, and I know that God will get me through the exams and that's why I'm calm, or is it because I'm complacent and slack. =(
Well... whichever it is, I know that I'm picking up the engine. Realise that I'm really more productive at night, and I really like studying at VJC. These days, I find it hard to wake up.. and as a result, I waste close to 30mins or so. Best was one fine day, Mom woke me up, and I thought it was 8.30am... turns out it's 9.30am already. Imagine the mad rush i went into, considering I had to reach school by 11am. Time has become my enemy... as such, i started sleeping later and later, in an attempt to finish more work. Daytime has become my sleeping monster... night has become my alive factor. Feels like Night Safari.
That being said... I'm starting to really want to be a pilgrim for the Lord. I memorised the entire Psalm 84 after service on Sunday, when the service was titled very aptly "Why do I sing about Jesus?", and in it, the gist of it was the call to live life, and every action as a form of worship unto the Lord. What Wei Liang said made me draw links... He used to think that every action should be a form of love. So I linked that yes, every action is a form of Love, but precisely because the Lord first loved us, so we can be so loving and accommodating to others, so every action is an act of love. However, because we love the Lord, and we want to follow the Lord's commandments to love one another, as such, every action of love we do, is a praise unto the Lord. And what better way to praise the Lord than to worship Him with all our hearts and soul? And thus, every action should be a form of worship unto the Lord. It's a bit of a confusing link, definitely... but hey! Haha... I get it! =p
Just told Florence (not the Step-Up Florence, but my Soci friend Florence) that "we only have control over certain things... especially where they concern ourselves.." (Lim, 2008) *Hehehehe... yes yes... I can already feel all the pple who write essays rolling their eyes at my weak attempt to do citation* But I find it very true... we can only take things a step at a time, and make changes over the things that we have control over. It's really true. However, I will not forget to exalt the Lord who watches over me, and grants me the strength to have this kind of control. Yes, Father Lord... YOU are the one who makes all things possible. =)
So, even as I go rest and prepare for another day of studying tomorrow, I know that because God is with me, I will be alright eventually. For He has a plan for me that I know not of yet, but I know that He will make all things beautiful in His time, and I know that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I will trust in His Holy name.. because there is nothing better. =) Because "Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere". I love you Lord.
To all the people who have their exams coming up, all the best! And to a few special people...
ZhiYuan - For all the mugging sessions that we have gone through, and all the sharing, and even being involved in a personalised McDelivery session.. haha... it's great having someone like you to tide through the ups and downs of uni with.
Jacob - FOr the surprise dinner, and the conversations that we have. I'm thankful I get to walk through this journey with your stable presence. =)
Meng Siong - For all the mugging together? Haha...
Deepak - For all the times that we spent in your room studying and Youtubing!
Deborah - For trusting in me so much, and confiding in each other. THank you.
Yvette - For all the little conversations that we have... and the encouragement over badly graded essays... =)
XiaoYun - For all the jokes, the study sessions in school, the prayers and the words. RED KITE!! =P But that aside.. it's nice to have someone so bubbly and cheerful as u around in an otherwise dreary routine Uni life. =)
Pila - Panda! Hahaha.. thank you for keeping me in check, thank you for all the words that you give me, thank you for your patient nature and your sisterly concern that u shower. And for sabo-ing me. But truth be told.. I'm glad that I have you as a close friend in the tribe. =)
Cheryl - Words fail me, but still, thank you. Because of your patience with me, your vote of confidence for me, and even the free spirited nature of everything, I realised that I am actually adequately prepared. =) I'm glad that I'm walking this journey with you, my dear friend, for all the mochas and chocolates, and the Mexican flair? Thank you.
Good night people!
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Dear Mandy...
Well... it's Week 11 already, meaning that there's 4 weeks more till the start of the final exam. Am I ready? No, I can safely say I'm not. Rawr.. haha..
This semester has been quite a topsy turvy ride, and a rather hectic one at that. It's week 11, and I still have 2 project essays, 1 presentation, and one research essay due in Week 12. That would effectively leave me with just that 2 weeks of mugging to get everything on track... somehow or rather... I can sort of see myself trying my utmost best to sit down and get everything into my head. It's going to be a season of cramming...
And yet, I remember yesterday's service where Pastor Eugene spoke of Prioritising, Pursuing and Persisting... Prioritising and putting God first. Pursuing reconciliation and finally, persisting in prayer... This is after all, the year of Sabbath, and I should be finding my soul's rest and satisfaction in God and God alone. So, even though the grades at the moment don't seem very encouraging, but I should trust the Lord that He will provide. Trusting and lifting everything up to the Lord really isn't easy, but what Fel told me about choosing to trust Him is an act of faith, really encouraged me.
Well. 28 days and counting. THe final stretch. All the best to everyone taking exams! =)
Well... it's Week 11 already, meaning that there's 4 weeks more till the start of the final exam. Am I ready? No, I can safely say I'm not. Rawr.. haha..
This semester has been quite a topsy turvy ride, and a rather hectic one at that. It's week 11, and I still have 2 project essays, 1 presentation, and one research essay due in Week 12. That would effectively leave me with just that 2 weeks of mugging to get everything on track... somehow or rather... I can sort of see myself trying my utmost best to sit down and get everything into my head. It's going to be a season of cramming...
And yet, I remember yesterday's service where Pastor Eugene spoke of Prioritising, Pursuing and Persisting... Prioritising and putting God first. Pursuing reconciliation and finally, persisting in prayer... This is after all, the year of Sabbath, and I should be finding my soul's rest and satisfaction in God and God alone. So, even though the grades at the moment don't seem very encouraging, but I should trust the Lord that He will provide. Trusting and lifting everything up to the Lord really isn't easy, but what Fel told me about choosing to trust Him is an act of faith, really encouraged me.
Well. 28 days and counting. THe final stretch. All the best to everyone taking exams! =)
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Dear Mandy,
I'm in a revolving world of spinning thoughts and messy feelings, and I don't really like it. Everything seems to be coming together in a world of mumbo and jumbo, and in the end, i'll probably get gumbo. I feel once again like a pea in a great big pan with other green peas.. not knowing where I belong or where I fit in... or in this case... what constitutes the real me.
In this season of a certain.. stepping back.. I'm starting to lose a bit of sensing about who I really am. Though the basis is easy... but the execution is difficult, and the ideology that comes with it, confusing. We can understand the basis, but the execution is seriously daunting. And when we try to analyse why, we come across so many gray areas that make things so difficult and seriously mind boggling. But this doesn't address the question as to why the sudden loss of self identity... why the sudden... lapse of being unsure of who I am.
Who is the real me? How do I treat my close friends? Am I constant in my actions to everyone? And... how much am I willing to compromise on being who I am, or doing what I feel, in accordance to what others deem of me. Is the final question asked, what is the basis for my doing certain things? Then why the contradiction? How am I to acknowledge that this person is one of my closest friends about, and then ask me to treat that person as to how I'd treat a normal acquaintance? The two sides don't seem to tally to me, and though I know that there is a reason for having to be as such, but they just don't seem to match. Reverting back to being normal acquaintances and working it back up is one thing... completely having to change the way I do things, is another matter completely... am I slowly becoming somebody I'm not...?
I'm wondering if this is really God's plan for me... is all this suffering because God wants to make me into a better person? To relinquish my smaller radius of personal space, and learn how to treat everyone the same. Gosh... I have completely no idea. I should probably spend more time in prayer...? But somehow... where does this entire line end, and where does it start? And what are the grey areas that need clarification? And at the end of the day... the who, what, where, when and why... still fall short of answers that can truly truly answer my confusion.
I don't know anymore... you know? I thought I did, and I thought that I could handle things well, and be submissive and all, and everything else. But perhaps that rainbow at the end of the storm is just what it is. An illusion of light. Nothing concrete... it's a painful realisation, huh?
I'm in a revolving world of spinning thoughts and messy feelings, and I don't really like it. Everything seems to be coming together in a world of mumbo and jumbo, and in the end, i'll probably get gumbo. I feel once again like a pea in a great big pan with other green peas.. not knowing where I belong or where I fit in... or in this case... what constitutes the real me.
In this season of a certain.. stepping back.. I'm starting to lose a bit of sensing about who I really am. Though the basis is easy... but the execution is difficult, and the ideology that comes with it, confusing. We can understand the basis, but the execution is seriously daunting. And when we try to analyse why, we come across so many gray areas that make things so difficult and seriously mind boggling. But this doesn't address the question as to why the sudden loss of self identity... why the sudden... lapse of being unsure of who I am.
Who is the real me? How do I treat my close friends? Am I constant in my actions to everyone? And... how much am I willing to compromise on being who I am, or doing what I feel, in accordance to what others deem of me. Is the final question asked, what is the basis for my doing certain things? Then why the contradiction? How am I to acknowledge that this person is one of my closest friends about, and then ask me to treat that person as to how I'd treat a normal acquaintance? The two sides don't seem to tally to me, and though I know that there is a reason for having to be as such, but they just don't seem to match. Reverting back to being normal acquaintances and working it back up is one thing... completely having to change the way I do things, is another matter completely... am I slowly becoming somebody I'm not...?
I'm wondering if this is really God's plan for me... is all this suffering because God wants to make me into a better person? To relinquish my smaller radius of personal space, and learn how to treat everyone the same. Gosh... I have completely no idea. I should probably spend more time in prayer...? But somehow... where does this entire line end, and where does it start? And what are the grey areas that need clarification? And at the end of the day... the who, what, where, when and why... still fall short of answers that can truly truly answer my confusion.
I don't know anymore... you know? I thought I did, and I thought that I could handle things well, and be submissive and all, and everything else. But perhaps that rainbow at the end of the storm is just what it is. An illusion of light. Nothing concrete... it's a painful realisation, huh?
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Dear Mandy...
Does not being needed feel that way sometimes? Does the sweet tangy taste of romance constantly call out and beckon to you? Does reading, even so much as watching a couple get together after all the obstacles bring a tender twist to your heart, wondering "Why can't that person be me?"
Well.. I don't have all the answers... but there have been times whereby I feel that way myself. I can be reading about Menion Leah fighting all the trolls and gnomes in "The Sword of Shannara" and find myself adrenaline rushed, only to sigh ruefully when he finds his comfort in the arms of Shirl Ravenlock, the girl he falls in love with. I could be watching Yamada Taro fighting to accustom himself to living out of his comfort zone and sympatising with him, and then feel a tender twist when I see how Takako helps bring back the smile to his face. It's quite amazing, this tender emotion that people call love, and every now and then, I can't help but smile tenderly at how amazing it really is.
And yet, I find myself trusting in the Lord for His time, and though impatient at times, perhaps the whole essence of it all is that it's really trusting in His time. It isn't easy, definitely.. but it's really the promise of something beautiful at the end of the journey that would motivate most people to learn how to trust in the Lord, and really not be anxious in what is going on. Sure.. there are times when I really wish that the person I like would so much as tell me something encouraging, or what not, but then, I'm reminded that I should find my soul's satisfaction in God alone when I pray about things... It'd be nice to have that kind of affirmation... but isn't God's affirmation so much better? =)
But of course, we're just human, so once in a while, a bit of affirmation that comes my way is really appreciated. Like how Gayne thanked me today for having been there to support and encourage her while she was freaking out about collecting her A Level results... it gave me this nice warm feeling. Of course, there comes along some feedback about yourself in general, and you are alikened to an alarming wake up call that not everyone's like you. *Shrug* So we learn, so we pick ourselves out.
But what Cheryl told me also stays strong with me. That I should just be myself... just be a bit wary of the things I do. Jacob also gave me good advice.. about how I should maintain a purely professional relationship with people i don't know until I'm sure that they're worth sharing more with. It's probably a learning lesson, but I'm glad for it in any case.
I'll keep walking, and as I walk, I'll keep learning.
Does not being needed feel that way sometimes? Does the sweet tangy taste of romance constantly call out and beckon to you? Does reading, even so much as watching a couple get together after all the obstacles bring a tender twist to your heart, wondering "Why can't that person be me?"
Well.. I don't have all the answers... but there have been times whereby I feel that way myself. I can be reading about Menion Leah fighting all the trolls and gnomes in "The Sword of Shannara" and find myself adrenaline rushed, only to sigh ruefully when he finds his comfort in the arms of Shirl Ravenlock, the girl he falls in love with. I could be watching Yamada Taro fighting to accustom himself to living out of his comfort zone and sympatising with him, and then feel a tender twist when I see how Takako helps bring back the smile to his face. It's quite amazing, this tender emotion that people call love, and every now and then, I can't help but smile tenderly at how amazing it really is.
And yet, I find myself trusting in the Lord for His time, and though impatient at times, perhaps the whole essence of it all is that it's really trusting in His time. It isn't easy, definitely.. but it's really the promise of something beautiful at the end of the journey that would motivate most people to learn how to trust in the Lord, and really not be anxious in what is going on. Sure.. there are times when I really wish that the person I like would so much as tell me something encouraging, or what not, but then, I'm reminded that I should find my soul's satisfaction in God alone when I pray about things... It'd be nice to have that kind of affirmation... but isn't God's affirmation so much better? =)
But of course, we're just human, so once in a while, a bit of affirmation that comes my way is really appreciated. Like how Gayne thanked me today for having been there to support and encourage her while she was freaking out about collecting her A Level results... it gave me this nice warm feeling. Of course, there comes along some feedback about yourself in general, and you are alikened to an alarming wake up call that not everyone's like you. *Shrug* So we learn, so we pick ourselves out.
But what Cheryl told me also stays strong with me. That I should just be myself... just be a bit wary of the things I do. Jacob also gave me good advice.. about how I should maintain a purely professional relationship with people i don't know until I'm sure that they're worth sharing more with. It's probably a learning lesson, but I'm glad for it in any case.
I'll keep walking, and as I walk, I'll keep learning.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Dear Mandy,
It's pretty amazing how wonderful God is, and even now, I'm feeling rather in awe of His ways of working.. I guess that it's really true.. When you're patient and trust fully in God's plan for you and His timing, it all seems to unfold rather beautifully, that you just simply HAVE to stop whatever you're doing, and just give thanks to Him in prayer.
I got these verses yesterday from Cheryl and Pila, and also as I read the chapter today, got another affirmation.. let me show you the verses...
It's pretty amazing how wonderful God is, and even now, I'm feeling rather in awe of His ways of working.. I guess that it's really true.. When you're patient and trust fully in God's plan for you and His timing, it all seems to unfold rather beautifully, that you just simply HAVE to stop whatever you're doing, and just give thanks to Him in prayer.
I got these verses yesterday from Cheryl and Pila, and also as I read the chapter today, got another affirmation.. let me show you the verses...
"Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires;
but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the SPIRIT desires."
-Romans 5:8
"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him,
who have been called according to His purpose."
-Romans 5:28
"And those He predestined, He also called;
those He called, He also justified;
those He justified, He also glorified."
-Romans 5:30
"If God is for us, who can be against us?"
-Romans 5:31
but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the SPIRIT desires."
-Romans 5:8
"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him,
who have been called according to His purpose."
-Romans 5:28
"And those He predestined, He also called;
those He called, He also justified;
those He justified, He also glorified."
-Romans 5:30
"If God is for us, who can be against us?"
-Romans 5:31
It almost seems like it's a letter from God himself to inspire and motivate people, and it has really motivated me. It's... just great... =) Victorians' Day and the OVA dinner both are flowing so smoothly now, and I really am thankful that the Lord saw it through. =)
Though I'm a bit worried about the projects, as well as the essays that are staring me in the face, but in some essence, I'm just learning how to life the troubles up to the Lord, and just trust in His divine plan for me. That's probably the best thing for me at the moment.. to work hard, trust in the Lord.
Though I'm a bit worried about the projects, as well as the essays that are staring me in the face, but in some essence, I'm just learning how to life the troubles up to the Lord, and just trust in His divine plan for me. That's probably the best thing for me at the moment.. to work hard, trust in the Lord.
I will trust in the Lord and be patient; will learn step by step how to guard a heart... =)
Ok, so I guess that as the events loom nearer day by day, I'll just keep working at it. V-Day, OVA Dinner, and then, finally, STEP DOWN!!! =) Now that, I'm looking forward to it... =)
Ok, so I'm also quite sianz, that I kana recall manning... but what to do? I guess that it's just going to be back to the army. It's time to take out my uniform, polish my boots, and suit up... because... it's back to the camp for me. =)
Ok, so I'm also quite sianz, that I kana recall manning... but what to do? I guess that it's just going to be back to the army. It's time to take out my uniform, polish my boots, and suit up... because... it's back to the camp for me. =)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Dear Mandy,
Well... CNY has passed, and I'm back in school... it's been... an eventful CNY... and I guess that really, it has been as festive as the season promised to be. :)
In any case though, I find myself once again at a loss as to the balancing of all my commitments. Haha.. it's really corny. Okay, apart from the weekly lectures and tutorials, I have my project work meetings that are coming in, and weekly DG, followed by "Step Up" programme, and the odd event that pops up here and there, like the OVA dinner that is this weekend. Soon, as the mid-term break comes, not only will I find myself studying, or doing projects, but similarly, I'll find myself planning Victorians' Day and the OVA dinner and dance. After that is over, here would come my EL 2111 mid term test, and consequently, the submission of SSA1203 essay 2, as well as the term assignment of an individual essay of EL 2111, followed by all the project presentations and submissions... shoot me.
How did this semester get to be so busy? One can only wonder why... because I myself have absolutely no idea how I got so busy! *Rawr* But the thing is... it's kinda weird, because as tired as I am, I somehow still manage to get by... I guess I have to thank Cheryl for her constant reminders of what I shouldn't be doing.. haha... it's no secret that one of my biggest flaws is that I don't draw my strength from the Lord, and rely too often on my own strength, and thus, get easily worn out, and extremely tired... I guess that in the year of Sabbath, as I look through the Psalms a day, and see the lamentations of the Psalmists, and the trust that they eventually hold in the unfailing love of the Lord, I am encouraged. This week, especially, the memory verse that we're to remember really speaks to me.
Then the question of patience comes in... it's great if our hearts have the right attitude, and we are in tune with the Lord's plan, but are we then willing to trust in God, for His perfect timing? These are the two challenges that Joel always challenges us in cell... Are we willing to trust in the Lord's plan. and are we willing to trust in His time? Just yesterday, I felt a word from the Lord, that somewhere in this hectic schedule that I'm undergoing, I somewhat forgot that it is Him who makes all things possible... and that along the way, I kinda lost sight of putting the Lord as my priority... Immediately, I repented that night in prayer, and all the insecurities that I had been feeling all kinda disappeared... I felt... like the Lord was affirming some things that I'm going through now, and it was nice being in God's presence.
In all honesty though, I have been feeling inferior of late, especially with the proceedings towards certain stuff... but Pila, Cheryl, Zhiyuan and Jacob really helped me put things into perspective, and though I'm still slowly coming to terms with the special nature that the Lord has created me to be, I trust that in the Lord's words, I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. So I want to really just claim that special love of Jesus... and to be patient in His plan and time.
Special thanks to Cheryl, Sis, Ben, Wei Liang and Zhiyuan, for helping me get over the shock of the car accident that I had on Monday... it wasn't my fault, but well, it is my first accident after all, so I was in a bit of a shock. Praise God for His strong and firm hold on me, that despite my shock and lost stupor, He kept me calm enough to continue driving, to take down the particulars of the other driver, to analyse the situation and the damage... How awesome is our God? Very. :)
Well... they call the rain Heaven's tears... and I came across this really interesting line somewhere...
Well... CNY has passed, and I'm back in school... it's been... an eventful CNY... and I guess that really, it has been as festive as the season promised to be. :)
In any case though, I find myself once again at a loss as to the balancing of all my commitments. Haha.. it's really corny. Okay, apart from the weekly lectures and tutorials, I have my project work meetings that are coming in, and weekly DG, followed by "Step Up" programme, and the odd event that pops up here and there, like the OVA dinner that is this weekend. Soon, as the mid-term break comes, not only will I find myself studying, or doing projects, but similarly, I'll find myself planning Victorians' Day and the OVA dinner and dance. After that is over, here would come my EL 2111 mid term test, and consequently, the submission of SSA1203 essay 2, as well as the term assignment of an individual essay of EL 2111, followed by all the project presentations and submissions... shoot me.
How did this semester get to be so busy? One can only wonder why... because I myself have absolutely no idea how I got so busy! *Rawr* But the thing is... it's kinda weird, because as tired as I am, I somehow still manage to get by... I guess I have to thank Cheryl for her constant reminders of what I shouldn't be doing.. haha... it's no secret that one of my biggest flaws is that I don't draw my strength from the Lord, and rely too often on my own strength, and thus, get easily worn out, and extremely tired... I guess that in the year of Sabbath, as I look through the Psalms a day, and see the lamentations of the Psalmists, and the trust that they eventually hold in the unfailing love of the Lord, I am encouraged. This week, especially, the memory verse that we're to remember really speaks to me.
Psalm 37: 3 -4
"Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the Lord and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord
and He will give you the desires of your heart."
How apt! It's rather in tune with the service that Pastor Khong gave last Sunday, about the blessings of Safety, Satisfaction and Success in the Lord. A few of the more important things he said were to deny ourselves, and that if our hearts seek to delight the Lord in all that we do, then He will grant us the desires of our heart... because, as Joel said before last time, when we seek the Lord with all our heart, and our walks with Him are strong and we are attuned to His frequencies, then the desires of our hearts will be in accordance with that of His plan, and He will grant us our prayer requests. "Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the Lord and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord
and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Then the question of patience comes in... it's great if our hearts have the right attitude, and we are in tune with the Lord's plan, but are we then willing to trust in God, for His perfect timing? These are the two challenges that Joel always challenges us in cell... Are we willing to trust in the Lord's plan. and are we willing to trust in His time? Just yesterday, I felt a word from the Lord, that somewhere in this hectic schedule that I'm undergoing, I somewhat forgot that it is Him who makes all things possible... and that along the way, I kinda lost sight of putting the Lord as my priority... Immediately, I repented that night in prayer, and all the insecurities that I had been feeling all kinda disappeared... I felt... like the Lord was affirming some things that I'm going through now, and it was nice being in God's presence.
In all honesty though, I have been feeling inferior of late, especially with the proceedings towards certain stuff... but Pila, Cheryl, Zhiyuan and Jacob really helped me put things into perspective, and though I'm still slowly coming to terms with the special nature that the Lord has created me to be, I trust that in the Lord's words, I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. So I want to really just claim that special love of Jesus... and to be patient in His plan and time.
Special thanks to Cheryl, Sis, Ben, Wei Liang and Zhiyuan, for helping me get over the shock of the car accident that I had on Monday... it wasn't my fault, but well, it is my first accident after all, so I was in a bit of a shock. Praise God for His strong and firm hold on me, that despite my shock and lost stupor, He kept me calm enough to continue driving, to take down the particulars of the other driver, to analyse the situation and the damage... How awesome is our God? Very. :)
Well... they call the rain Heaven's tears... and I came across this really interesting line somewhere...
"I love walking in the rain, and feeling the raindrops on my face..
For it is then, that nobody can differentiate the tears from the rain."
For it is then, that nobody can differentiate the tears from the rain."
As such, I guess that at this point in time, I'm still learning how to balance all my commitments, and at times, when I cry in the rain, and feel the Lord crying with me... I am comforted in His presence. Finding solace in solace... that's something new, isn't it? :)
Friday, February 08, 2008
Dear Mandy,
It's already the 2nd day of the Chinese New Year... and it's been quite a good one this year I guess...
How is that remotely possible? Well, I managed to meet up with me cousins for the first time in a long while... and though there were mixed opinions from each of us, the main bulk of us managed to meet up.. and it's quite interesting to see how everyone has grown, and how everyone has matured. All of us are going through different walks of life, and going through different challenges... but for one day... we're just cousins, and not people struggling in our individual obstacles. Of course, as one of the older ones, watching over them is inevitably one of my roles, that I can't deny? BUt I was really just glad that I didn't have to explicitly take over the role of guardian when it was just me with them. :)
These days... it's been rather amazing. I guess that few people would know what I'm referring to... :) It's been sweet, but as I trust the Lord in taking the next step forward, I just pray that I'll be able to hear Him speak to me. And I'd so want to live out that plan that He has in store for me.
Even as I trust in Him, and walk forward in faith, I just believe that He will make a way for me. :)
I love you, Lord. :)
It's already the 2nd day of the Chinese New Year... and it's been quite a good one this year I guess...
How is that remotely possible? Well, I managed to meet up with me cousins for the first time in a long while... and though there were mixed opinions from each of us, the main bulk of us managed to meet up.. and it's quite interesting to see how everyone has grown, and how everyone has matured. All of us are going through different walks of life, and going through different challenges... but for one day... we're just cousins, and not people struggling in our individual obstacles. Of course, as one of the older ones, watching over them is inevitably one of my roles, that I can't deny? BUt I was really just glad that I didn't have to explicitly take over the role of guardian when it was just me with them. :)
These days... it's been rather amazing. I guess that few people would know what I'm referring to... :) It's been sweet, but as I trust the Lord in taking the next step forward, I just pray that I'll be able to hear Him speak to me. And I'd so want to live out that plan that He has in store for me.
Even as I trust in Him, and walk forward in faith, I just believe that He will make a way for me. :)
I love you, Lord. :)
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Dear Mandy,
Well... time flies and it's the 3rd week of Sem 2 of 07/08 AY.
How do I feel? Weird and tired. And lost. Yes, I'm lost. I'm a bit blur about my lectures, and I'm a bit worried of all my commitments this semester. *Rawr...* Yeah.. that's really how I feel about my academic life. I find joy in my tutorials and some of my readings and lectures... but at the end of the day, I look back, and I realise that getting this engine cranked up is really a difficult thing... doesn't take a scientist to know why also. I guess I really need to work hard.
Throughout this journey that I've taken, one thing's for sure, and that's God has been so real and has been with me every step of the way. I really am thankful for His wondrous love, and the fact that I am a son of God... He really holds me tightly in His embrace, and I know that despite all my mishaps and inequities... when I turn back to the Cross, He welcomes me with open arms and an unfailing love. The immense reality of this truth never fails to amaze me.
I guess that it's really a reflective mood and season, and as I find myself really wishing for more time to do the things I really want to do, I too understand that at the moment, it's more of a calling than anything else... to really rethink and reflect about my walk.. and more importantly, to make time. *Time is in our hands, it's of the essence...* How quite so true...
I miss a lot of people... Thank God for Zhiyuan and Fionna, who I've been turning to these few days with regards to lots of things... Zhiyuan and I have been running ever so frequently at ECP these days for the goals of $200 and $400.. haha... I do enjoy these runs at ECP... First a run that really pushes me cause I haven't been running for quite some time, followed by some static stations... and then a nice long chat at the breakwaters, before showering and heading off for lunch and mugging sessions... it's a great way to spend the morning and early afternoons.. with one of my closest friends about.. haha.. 10 years! :)
Thanks to Fio too.. for hearing me rant and rave over the phone that eventful Saturday... :)
I miss Jacob and Kristy loads.. haha... wherever you two are at this moment, be safe.
I'm thankful for JB Tribe... more so for the NUS gang, and well, the 6 of us that technically were brought together because of the musical... and of course, Cheryl.. haha... THAI EXPRESS ROCKS!! :p
Well.. I'm just going to take things a step at a time, and see where the Lord leads me.. :) I'll be rather reflective and solemn. :)
Psalms 28:7 -
"The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in Him and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to Him in song."
Well... time flies and it's the 3rd week of Sem 2 of 07/08 AY.
How do I feel? Weird and tired. And lost. Yes, I'm lost. I'm a bit blur about my lectures, and I'm a bit worried of all my commitments this semester. *Rawr...* Yeah.. that's really how I feel about my academic life. I find joy in my tutorials and some of my readings and lectures... but at the end of the day, I look back, and I realise that getting this engine cranked up is really a difficult thing... doesn't take a scientist to know why also. I guess I really need to work hard.
Throughout this journey that I've taken, one thing's for sure, and that's God has been so real and has been with me every step of the way. I really am thankful for His wondrous love, and the fact that I am a son of God... He really holds me tightly in His embrace, and I know that despite all my mishaps and inequities... when I turn back to the Cross, He welcomes me with open arms and an unfailing love. The immense reality of this truth never fails to amaze me.
I guess that it's really a reflective mood and season, and as I find myself really wishing for more time to do the things I really want to do, I too understand that at the moment, it's more of a calling than anything else... to really rethink and reflect about my walk.. and more importantly, to make time. *Time is in our hands, it's of the essence...* How quite so true...
I miss a lot of people... Thank God for Zhiyuan and Fionna, who I've been turning to these few days with regards to lots of things... Zhiyuan and I have been running ever so frequently at ECP these days for the goals of $200 and $400.. haha... I do enjoy these runs at ECP... First a run that really pushes me cause I haven't been running for quite some time, followed by some static stations... and then a nice long chat at the breakwaters, before showering and heading off for lunch and mugging sessions... it's a great way to spend the morning and early afternoons.. with one of my closest friends about.. haha.. 10 years! :)
Thanks to Fio too.. for hearing me rant and rave over the phone that eventful Saturday... :)
I miss Jacob and Kristy loads.. haha... wherever you two are at this moment, be safe.
I'm thankful for JB Tribe... more so for the NUS gang, and well, the 6 of us that technically were brought together because of the musical... and of course, Cheryl.. haha... THAI EXPRESS ROCKS!! :p
Well.. I'm just going to take things a step at a time, and see where the Lord leads me.. :) I'll be rather reflective and solemn. :)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Dear Mandy,
If I say right now that I'm tired, disillusioned, and overwhelmed, I wonder what would happen. Truth is, I'm kinda on the edge of the boat right now, barely clinging on, and wondering just what has been happening.
In all honesty, I have this funny feeling that there's really just too much I'm bearing upon my shoulders at the moment, and truth being said, I feel like throwing in the towel and running away for the longest moment to a place whereby I'm unaccountable to anyone, and able to hide my face, and be an unknown. The Maldives seem like a nice place, though I sincerely think Antarctica would be the most ideal. Or, I could, like in the book "Since I don't have you", go to Oia and hideaway there for as long as I could possibly do... since Oia seems like a place for people to escape to. And yet, I know that there's too much here for me to just put down and go. I don't have that kind of courage, and I definitely don't have that kind of money to begin with.
I know that God has placed all these obstacles along the way for a reason, and I also know, quite well, that I need His blessings to get through it all. I do feel His peace, but I dunno if these feelings I have are feelings of inadequacy, or feelings of pure overwhelmed emotions, induced by the folly of the devil. *sighs*
Sis' Professor talked to me today, and encouraged me to aim for 2nd Upper Class Honours... that way, I can be eligible for one year Masters' Programme, and NUS Sponsorship, if MOE doesn't want to sponsor me, which is all good and well. But I need to continue working hard, and looking at it at the moment, I'm a long way from 2nd Upper Class Honours. I resolve to work hard.
Come March, I will say goodbye to OVA, and that is a very big relief to me. I don't have to be the one who gets all the arrows anymore, and I don't have to be responsible for major decisions anymore. It has been a good term, I've learnt a lot? But I also know that it's time to move on, and focus on myself for once. Victoria... both VS, VJC and OVA have taught me a lot, but right now, if I want to return all the Victoria has given me, I have to first and foremost focus on my own studies, ensure I do well enough before I can finally return and teach the next generation of students.
I'm glad I joined "STEP-UP" Programme, actually, and I honestly feel the Lord calling me to this area of serving. However, in the preparatory service learning course, and the thoughts that ensured, have left me swimming in a furore of thoughts that are all jumbled up. It's making me unlike myself, thinking too much, and really... just making me too caught up in my own thinking, that I forget what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm losing what is essentially me in trying to figure out these thoughts, and it's dangerous... Kristy always reprimands me when I think too much, cause she knows how much it'd affect me.. I need to stop thinking too much.
Arhx. On to a run tmr. :)
If I say right now that I'm tired, disillusioned, and overwhelmed, I wonder what would happen. Truth is, I'm kinda on the edge of the boat right now, barely clinging on, and wondering just what has been happening.
In all honesty, I have this funny feeling that there's really just too much I'm bearing upon my shoulders at the moment, and truth being said, I feel like throwing in the towel and running away for the longest moment to a place whereby I'm unaccountable to anyone, and able to hide my face, and be an unknown. The Maldives seem like a nice place, though I sincerely think Antarctica would be the most ideal. Or, I could, like in the book "Since I don't have you", go to Oia and hideaway there for as long as I could possibly do... since Oia seems like a place for people to escape to. And yet, I know that there's too much here for me to just put down and go. I don't have that kind of courage, and I definitely don't have that kind of money to begin with.
I know that God has placed all these obstacles along the way for a reason, and I also know, quite well, that I need His blessings to get through it all. I do feel His peace, but I dunno if these feelings I have are feelings of inadequacy, or feelings of pure overwhelmed emotions, induced by the folly of the devil. *sighs*
Sis' Professor talked to me today, and encouraged me to aim for 2nd Upper Class Honours... that way, I can be eligible for one year Masters' Programme, and NUS Sponsorship, if MOE doesn't want to sponsor me, which is all good and well. But I need to continue working hard, and looking at it at the moment, I'm a long way from 2nd Upper Class Honours. I resolve to work hard.
Come March, I will say goodbye to OVA, and that is a very big relief to me. I don't have to be the one who gets all the arrows anymore, and I don't have to be responsible for major decisions anymore. It has been a good term, I've learnt a lot? But I also know that it's time to move on, and focus on myself for once. Victoria... both VS, VJC and OVA have taught me a lot, but right now, if I want to return all the Victoria has given me, I have to first and foremost focus on my own studies, ensure I do well enough before I can finally return and teach the next generation of students.
I'm glad I joined "STEP-UP" Programme, actually, and I honestly feel the Lord calling me to this area of serving. However, in the preparatory service learning course, and the thoughts that ensured, have left me swimming in a furore of thoughts that are all jumbled up. It's making me unlike myself, thinking too much, and really... just making me too caught up in my own thinking, that I forget what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm losing what is essentially me in trying to figure out these thoughts, and it's dangerous... Kristy always reprimands me when I think too much, cause she knows how much it'd affect me.. I need to stop thinking too much.
Arhx. On to a run tmr. :)
Monday, January 21, 2008
Dear Mandy,
If there's anything that I'm glad about this week, it's the fact that Cheryl and I had a nice heart to heart talk over MSN last night, where we shared about a lot of stuff. :) It's nice to have such a conversation with Cher. We both agreed somewhere in our conversation that we had drifted apart, and it was kinda amazing that after our drifting, we don't lose much of our conversational tones.
I'm currently in "Living with Mathematics" lecture, and trying to understand what's going on. It's fun, definitely,but I never expected that I had to be proving linguistics! Haha... so in some essence, taking this module, and learning about reasoning is making things quite fun. But the time is really unearthly, from 6 to 8pm on Mon and Thurs.. sigh.
Ok, blog later!
If there's anything that I'm glad about this week, it's the fact that Cheryl and I had a nice heart to heart talk over MSN last night, where we shared about a lot of stuff. :) It's nice to have such a conversation with Cher. We both agreed somewhere in our conversation that we had drifted apart, and it was kinda amazing that after our drifting, we don't lose much of our conversational tones.
I'm currently in "Living with Mathematics" lecture, and trying to understand what's going on. It's fun, definitely,but I never expected that I had to be proving linguistics! Haha... so in some essence, taking this module, and learning about reasoning is making things quite fun. But the time is really unearthly, from 6 to 8pm on Mon and Thurs.. sigh.
Ok, blog later!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
| You Are An INFJ |
 The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience. You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. In love, you truly see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow. You enjoy relationships as long as they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation. At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher. How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable |
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Dear Mandy,
Well, I went running with Zhiyuan today, and it was... a great run, to be perfectly honest, though our stamina dropped like, totally that we were almost exhausted at the end of a 5km run, but it was nonetheless the feel of the run that made it all worthwhile. After the run, we went to sit by the breakwaters, and just calmly took in the early afternoon sun, and had a conversation that wasn't stilted and was, in a sense, a good time of sharing, and fellowship.
Church today was great... I really enjoyed the sermon, and realised in all essence, how important it is to not just pay lip service, but to also just immerse in the word, and to saturate our minds and bodies with that of the word of God. Of course, when PS Melvyn started talking about how humans rely on their 5 senses, and the spirit is a separate entity, it started me thinking about Rene Descartes' Meditations, which speaks of essentially the same thing... incidentally, the topic that PS Melvyn was talking about is meditation.
As school starts tomorrow, I'm just looking forward to a new semester, empowered by God, and being strong in the commitments that I'm taking up. I'll just trust in God for the best. :)
Well, I went running with Zhiyuan today, and it was... a great run, to be perfectly honest, though our stamina dropped like, totally that we were almost exhausted at the end of a 5km run, but it was nonetheless the feel of the run that made it all worthwhile. After the run, we went to sit by the breakwaters, and just calmly took in the early afternoon sun, and had a conversation that wasn't stilted and was, in a sense, a good time of sharing, and fellowship.
Church today was great... I really enjoyed the sermon, and realised in all essence, how important it is to not just pay lip service, but to also just immerse in the word, and to saturate our minds and bodies with that of the word of God. Of course, when PS Melvyn started talking about how humans rely on their 5 senses, and the spirit is a separate entity, it started me thinking about Rene Descartes' Meditations, which speaks of essentially the same thing... incidentally, the topic that PS Melvyn was talking about is meditation.
As school starts tomorrow, I'm just looking forward to a new semester, empowered by God, and being strong in the commitments that I'm taking up. I'll just trust in God for the best. :)
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Dear Mandy,
The view of the beach
Today... I met up with one of my 3 bestest friends around, and it was nothing short of wonderful time of catching up and sharing, and I really thank God for good weather and a great time.
Kristy and I
Kristy and I go way back to JC 1, and we went through a lot of ups and downs in our friendship, befpre we reached where we are now. I really am glad for such a wonderful friend, and the 5 hours of conversation that we had was really insightful and it really was so much to catch up on. When we parted ways, it was a lingering sense of farewell, but with an anticipation for the next catch up session- at least that's what i felt.
We went to Coffee CLub Express first, where we shared about our fears and everything over a pot of Earl Grey tea and her cappuchino, before we headed to Bedok Jetty to sit, talk and share over a slowly setting sun... it was... the catch up that we had been wanting to have, but failed to have for slightly more than a year... wow. Praise God for His grace... because this is one friend that I've always cherished, and made a lot of plans with... so I thank God, honestly for all the memories shared.
When we went back to VJC to tour around, it brought back so many memories of our Council days... of sitting on the Council stairs, studying together, painting banners, doing mass dance... basically our term of office as Councillors... singing the Council song, preparing for match support... crying tears of joy, crying tears of sadness.. the hugs our Council shared, the cheers our Council cheered... and we all were one entity, one body... one Council.
Missing 20th.. :)
Monday, January 07, 2008
Dear Mandy,
I lost my phone, so please don't contact me until I get my new SIM card. I've already de-activated my SIM card, so if you get any calls or smses frm my number.... well, you know that it's not me. :)
Hmm... honestly, I feel quite stupid to have lost my phone, being perfectly honest... but I guess that I was more worried that the person who took my phone would use my phone to contact my friends, and then that'd be even worse! But praise God... M1 Customer Service disabled my SIM card quickly, and said that they'd deliver my new SIM card tomorrow afternoon, so really, praise God!
That being said.. I'm just somebody with a wrecked body, looking forward to more rest, and turning up being groggy... and it was this grogginess that led me to be in a stupor.. which is definitely not good.. haha... oh well, what will be will be, I guess... it's just a moment of lost causes, and I trust that the Lord has a plan for this.
So, I'll just move onwards. :)
I lost my phone, so please don't contact me until I get my new SIM card. I've already de-activated my SIM card, so if you get any calls or smses frm my number.... well, you know that it's not me. :)
Hmm... honestly, I feel quite stupid to have lost my phone, being perfectly honest... but I guess that I was more worried that the person who took my phone would use my phone to contact my friends, and then that'd be even worse! But praise God... M1 Customer Service disabled my SIM card quickly, and said that they'd deliver my new SIM card tomorrow afternoon, so really, praise God!
That being said.. I'm just somebody with a wrecked body, looking forward to more rest, and turning up being groggy... and it was this grogginess that led me to be in a stupor.. which is definitely not good.. haha... oh well, what will be will be, I guess... it's just a moment of lost causes, and I trust that the Lord has a plan for this.
So, I'll just move onwards. :)
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Dear Mandy,
As the first week of the new year comes to an end, it still doesn't really feel like the new year has settled in. Perhaps it's just the fact that it's just another year, and having lived in the past 21 years in the same routine, with some interesting excerpts here and there, it's just another cycle, it's just moving on.
Ironically, we don't really move on, as I realised some time back, when I took Bukit Batok Secondary School for their Sec 2 level camp. I realised my passion for teaching when I was debriefing the kids, and even when I was just... you know... handling the group of kids... I dunno.. I guess that in essence, that this is going to be what I love doing.. teaching, being a camp instructor... being more than what I can do. Going over the extra mile... or, as one of Rainie's nicknames used to be, making a difference.
And yet, I take a step back and ponder over the immaculate wonders of my life thus far, and make out certain unmovable memories that will remain forever in my mind, and close to my heart. What they are? Well, that's for me to know and for you to find out... and for me to share with my closest friends about.. I know I know.. I'm being a tad cheeky on this, but hey! That's just me. :)
As the holiday comes to a close in about a week's time, I'm apprehensive about what's going to come... a new semester, added responsibilities... it's going to be more than just a rollercoaster ride this turn around, as there's no more excuses for mistakes and errors, or to say that I have yet to adapt to university. I have, and now, it's time to improve and be better. I'm aiming for a CAP of 4.0 and above this semester, and I want to do well.
Looking at it in perspective, I think that I'm really grateful to the Lord for having been there for me every step of the way. His amazing grace never fails, and even as we embark on the "Psalms a day", I've grown in my walk with GOd, and looking forward to growing somemore. It's to the extent that even though I'm really tired, I make an effort to do QT, because I know that He misses me when I don't.. and that some time spent with the Lord is better than no time spent at all. I love being in His presence and HIs embrace, and to see the beauty of His plan in His time. I describe my Christian walk as a flower... that it blooms with time. :)
That being said, I'm thankful also to some people who have never stopped being there for me every step of the way. I'm especially glad that some of them are coming back!! To that, I refer to Kristy and Grace. And I'm also glad for the dearest friends that I hold dear. Sharon, Zhiyuan, Meng Siong, Jacob, Sabrina, Dominique, Gayne, ShuXin and many mre... thank you all for having tided through 2007 with me.
Onwards to 2008.
As the first week of the new year comes to an end, it still doesn't really feel like the new year has settled in. Perhaps it's just the fact that it's just another year, and having lived in the past 21 years in the same routine, with some interesting excerpts here and there, it's just another cycle, it's just moving on.
Ironically, we don't really move on, as I realised some time back, when I took Bukit Batok Secondary School for their Sec 2 level camp. I realised my passion for teaching when I was debriefing the kids, and even when I was just... you know... handling the group of kids... I dunno.. I guess that in essence, that this is going to be what I love doing.. teaching, being a camp instructor... being more than what I can do. Going over the extra mile... or, as one of Rainie's nicknames used to be, making a difference.
And yet, I take a step back and ponder over the immaculate wonders of my life thus far, and make out certain unmovable memories that will remain forever in my mind, and close to my heart. What they are? Well, that's for me to know and for you to find out... and for me to share with my closest friends about.. I know I know.. I'm being a tad cheeky on this, but hey! That's just me. :)
As the holiday comes to a close in about a week's time, I'm apprehensive about what's going to come... a new semester, added responsibilities... it's going to be more than just a rollercoaster ride this turn around, as there's no more excuses for mistakes and errors, or to say that I have yet to adapt to university. I have, and now, it's time to improve and be better. I'm aiming for a CAP of 4.0 and above this semester, and I want to do well.
Looking at it in perspective, I think that I'm really grateful to the Lord for having been there for me every step of the way. His amazing grace never fails, and even as we embark on the "Psalms a day", I've grown in my walk with GOd, and looking forward to growing somemore. It's to the extent that even though I'm really tired, I make an effort to do QT, because I know that He misses me when I don't.. and that some time spent with the Lord is better than no time spent at all. I love being in His presence and HIs embrace, and to see the beauty of His plan in His time. I describe my Christian walk as a flower... that it blooms with time. :)
That being said, I'm thankful also to some people who have never stopped being there for me every step of the way. I'm especially glad that some of them are coming back!! To that, I refer to Kristy and Grace. And I'm also glad for the dearest friends that I hold dear. Sharon, Zhiyuan, Meng Siong, Jacob, Sabrina, Dominique, Gayne, ShuXin and many mre... thank you all for having tided through 2007 with me.
Onwards to 2008.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Dear Mandy,
Merry Christmas!
This is a picture of Angkor Wat in the wee hours of sunrise, and truth be told... it is a majestic sight. I've only just came back from Cambodia on Saturday, China before that, and well, also been for Christmas Service, as well as "Tell the World - A Christmas Eve Service" and now, it's Christmas. A lot has happened in the last few trips, eventful, and full of God's grace, and being perfectly honest, I've been awed constantly by what has happened and have seen, once again, the beauty of God's plan in His time.
This is a picture of a dance that the children that I spent time with in Sunrise CHildren's village put up. In truth? Time in Siem Reap (the place in Cambodia where the Orphanage was situated) seemed to pass by so slowly... time was not of the essence, and I found myself really enjoying the sweet, somewhat crawling pace of life, as for once, I didn't really feel pressurised into having to conform to a otherwise hectic life of planning, events and activity. I was content to just take things a step at a time, without thinking too much (Ok, I know, this is not possible. Fine..) and just enjoying the time with my friends.
During the time in Cambodia, it was... really much a time of fellowship over Munchkins, puns and accents. Well, the big picture for me, however, was still the immaculate presence of God, and how He watched over all of us. Sure, we met a lot of unexpected circumstances, but in all honesty, it was a through and through experience about God and His amazing grace. For the 7 of us who went up there... XiaoYun, Rachel, Audrey, Joel, Randy, Isaac and I, I guess we all walked away with a new learning experience and a whole new outlook on life.
Christmas is here, but the honest truth is that it hasn't really sank in, apart from the fellowship that I share with my church friends. If anything, I'm really growing to love each and everyone of them, and after having spent close to a year and a half in JB tribe, I guess I can safely say that I really couldn't picture myself being anywhere else. :)
Christmas is a celebration of Love and of life... and I completely agree with that. God's greatest gift and blessing, was when He sent Jesus to us on this very blessed day. And because of that, we have eternal life. Well... that just makes Christmas even so much more meaningful to me. :)
Merry Christmas, everyone. God bless you. :)
Merry Christmas!
This is a picture of Angkor Wat in the wee hours of sunrise, and truth be told... it is a majestic sight. I've only just came back from Cambodia on Saturday, China before that, and well, also been for Christmas Service, as well as "Tell the World - A Christmas Eve Service" and now, it's Christmas. A lot has happened in the last few trips, eventful, and full of God's grace, and being perfectly honest, I've been awed constantly by what has happened and have seen, once again, the beauty of God's plan in His time.
This is a picture of a dance that the children that I spent time with in Sunrise CHildren's village put up. In truth? Time in Siem Reap (the place in Cambodia where the Orphanage was situated) seemed to pass by so slowly... time was not of the essence, and I found myself really enjoying the sweet, somewhat crawling pace of life, as for once, I didn't really feel pressurised into having to conform to a otherwise hectic life of planning, events and activity. I was content to just take things a step at a time, without thinking too much (Ok, I know, this is not possible. Fine..) and just enjoying the time with my friends.
During the time in Cambodia, it was... really much a time of fellowship over Munchkins, puns and accents. Well, the big picture for me, however, was still the immaculate presence of God, and how He watched over all of us. Sure, we met a lot of unexpected circumstances, but in all honesty, it was a through and through experience about God and His amazing grace. For the 7 of us who went up there... XiaoYun, Rachel, Audrey, Joel, Randy, Isaac and I, I guess we all walked away with a new learning experience and a whole new outlook on life.
Christmas is here, but the honest truth is that it hasn't really sank in, apart from the fellowship that I share with my church friends. If anything, I'm really growing to love each and everyone of them, and after having spent close to a year and a half in JB tribe, I guess I can safely say that I really couldn't picture myself being anywhere else. :)
Christmas is a celebration of Love and of life... and I completely agree with that. God's greatest gift and blessing, was when He sent Jesus to us on this very blessed day. And because of that, we have eternal life. Well... that just makes Christmas even so much more meaningful to me. :)
Merry Christmas, everyone. God bless you. :)
Monday, December 03, 2007
Dear Mandy,
In the blink of an eye... 3 exams are over... and to think that this time last week, I was fretting and worrying over my exams... wow.
Yesterday, we had a guest speaker... Nick Vujicic... and he is a living testament to the abundant grace of God. Born without limbs, the outlook he adopts towards life, and his simple purpose in life sets it all for him. Though indefinitely, maybe he comes from a well to do family that can provide the healthcare that he needs... but one cannot dispute the fact that his emotions are going to be a tad similar to everyone else- the initial despair, the hopelessness, the feelings of defeat and anguish- the temptation of giving up. But God came to him, an gave him a purpose. At the age of 25, he has lead thousands of people to salvation, and he believes that that is God's purpose for him. That through his predicament, he can lift up other people; that he can be a major blessing to people... that he can be the spark that people need to find their way back to the arms of our great God.
I brought Fionna to the service, and she hasn't changed much, to say the least. It was truly heartwarming to see this student of mine, who used to give me attitude, become a somewhat gentler and more mellow young lady, with no loss in her usual spunk and sass. And the best part of it all, is that it was really thanks to God for giving her good friends, and changing her heart. Well, I believe that Nick's message really reached out to her too.
When I went on stage to hug Nick, I mean, really, he's one great guy. And when he said "I love you", something struck me, and I've been thinking about it ever since.
During his message, he said that humans basically need to hear 2 things:
1) that we are loved
2) that everything's going to be alright
How often it is, that the most basic things are what makes us happy and contented? I was doing my philosophy revision paper just a while ago, and in Plato's Republic, Cephalus implies that being rich is necessary but not sufficient for happiness. And that really got me thinking, I guess... haha... Where did we lose our innocence and naivity of what make u essentially human? Aud says that the devil came in and clouded our minds, and I guess that that's really true too.
The exams so far.. well, God's been with me throughout this entire journey, and I'm really glad that He has helped me through this period... Prayer really calm me down, nd honestly speaking, it has helped me answer some tough questions in the exams too! Haha.. Praise God for His abundant grace!!
Well, as I look at it, 2 more papers remain, and after that, I fly off to China, and subsequently, Cambodia. Then come back, rush-write all the Christmas cards, then do some last minute Christmas shopping.. and that's when the mad rush escalates again. Rush the planning for Dinner and Dance for OVA, attend FCBC's Countdown party, do the 2 camps I'm called up to do, plan my modules for next semester, clear the OVA Dinner and Dance, and try to push away Victorians' Day, which is hard to do, looking at it. Darn.
Life's busy! Haha.. but I guess that's just the way it is..
In the blink of an eye... 3 exams are over... and to think that this time last week, I was fretting and worrying over my exams... wow.
Yesterday, we had a guest speaker... Nick Vujicic... and he is a living testament to the abundant grace of God. Born without limbs, the outlook he adopts towards life, and his simple purpose in life sets it all for him. Though indefinitely, maybe he comes from a well to do family that can provide the healthcare that he needs... but one cannot dispute the fact that his emotions are going to be a tad similar to everyone else- the initial despair, the hopelessness, the feelings of defeat and anguish- the temptation of giving up. But God came to him, an gave him a purpose. At the age of 25, he has lead thousands of people to salvation, and he believes that that is God's purpose for him. That through his predicament, he can lift up other people; that he can be a major blessing to people... that he can be the spark that people need to find their way back to the arms of our great God.
I brought Fionna to the service, and she hasn't changed much, to say the least. It was truly heartwarming to see this student of mine, who used to give me attitude, become a somewhat gentler and more mellow young lady, with no loss in her usual spunk and sass. And the best part of it all, is that it was really thanks to God for giving her good friends, and changing her heart. Well, I believe that Nick's message really reached out to her too.
When I went on stage to hug Nick, I mean, really, he's one great guy. And when he said "I love you", something struck me, and I've been thinking about it ever since.
During his message, he said that humans basically need to hear 2 things:
1) that we are loved
2) that everything's going to be alright
How often it is, that the most basic things are what makes us happy and contented? I was doing my philosophy revision paper just a while ago, and in Plato's Republic, Cephalus implies that being rich is necessary but not sufficient for happiness. And that really got me thinking, I guess... haha... Where did we lose our innocence and naivity of what make u essentially human? Aud says that the devil came in and clouded our minds, and I guess that that's really true too.
The exams so far.. well, God's been with me throughout this entire journey, and I'm really glad that He has helped me through this period... Prayer really calm me down, nd honestly speaking, it has helped me answer some tough questions in the exams too! Haha.. Praise God for His abundant grace!!
Well, as I look at it, 2 more papers remain, and after that, I fly off to China, and subsequently, Cambodia. Then come back, rush-write all the Christmas cards, then do some last minute Christmas shopping.. and that's when the mad rush escalates again. Rush the planning for Dinner and Dance for OVA, attend FCBC's Countdown party, do the 2 camps I'm called up to do, plan my modules for next semester, clear the OVA Dinner and Dance, and try to push away Victorians' Day, which is hard to do, looking at it. Darn.
Life's busy! Haha.. but I guess that's just the way it is..
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Dear Mandy,
The countdown is nearing as I'm preparing to leave the house in about 30 minutes more and have my exam that is due at 1pm. Yes, my battle is about to begin, and what Cheryl told me yesterday really was super comforting. She said that I have God on my side, and that He'll provide for me. Haha... suddenly, my troops seem much more ready for battle. Thank you, Cher.. :)
Well, even as I'm mentally psyching myself for the exam, I guess I should just go in and give it my all. No point panicking, no point being paranoid... just go in there, and give it nothing less than my best. What will be, will be. *Frowns* That seems to be my favourite phrase these days.. haha.. *smiles*
Being paranoid about my exams is something that's always been the case, you see? I mean, last time in VJC, I actually blanked out during my maths exams... and ended up flunking my math prelim exams... well, I was sent for the re-test, upon my teacher, Mrs. Chuah, wanting to give me a 2nd shot. I didn't let her down this turn around as I hopped back with a C, which is um, well, I think I scored a 62 for the exam, a huge jump from my 42 in my prelims. It spear-headed me to a B for my A levels for Maths... and well, that's why I love Mrs. Chuah so much. ^^
And yet, university has been an immensely emotional rollercoaster journey thus far, but the first semeste is coming to an end, and I'm resolving to leave it all up to God already. My preparation phase this week has been really productive, to say the least, and I guess that right now, the important thing is just not to panic and to just go in there, and do my best. Forget all the past experiences that I faced of academic inability i VJC, and forget all the past assessments that I've had for Linear Algebra. The time is now, the determining factor is here. It's do or die now.
And even as I take my foot off the pedal, and let Jesus take the wheel, I do too, have to thank the people who kept me calm and composed last night... Sabbie, Rainie, Meng Siong, Zhiyuan, Jacob, Benny, Cheryl and PILA!! Hahaa.. yes yes, Pila, you. :) Thank you for just talking to me, even if it was just 4 simple sentences!! Hahaa.. :)
Well, onwards to my first battle of the exam war!! :)
The countdown is nearing as I'm preparing to leave the house in about 30 minutes more and have my exam that is due at 1pm. Yes, my battle is about to begin, and what Cheryl told me yesterday really was super comforting. She said that I have God on my side, and that He'll provide for me. Haha... suddenly, my troops seem much more ready for battle. Thank you, Cher.. :)
Well, even as I'm mentally psyching myself for the exam, I guess I should just go in and give it my all. No point panicking, no point being paranoid... just go in there, and give it nothing less than my best. What will be, will be. *Frowns* That seems to be my favourite phrase these days.. haha.. *smiles*
Being paranoid about my exams is something that's always been the case, you see? I mean, last time in VJC, I actually blanked out during my maths exams... and ended up flunking my math prelim exams... well, I was sent for the re-test, upon my teacher, Mrs. Chuah, wanting to give me a 2nd shot. I didn't let her down this turn around as I hopped back with a C, which is um, well, I think I scored a 62 for the exam, a huge jump from my 42 in my prelims. It spear-headed me to a B for my A levels for Maths... and well, that's why I love Mrs. Chuah so much. ^^
And yet, university has been an immensely emotional rollercoaster journey thus far, but the first semeste is coming to an end, and I'm resolving to leave it all up to God already. My preparation phase this week has been really productive, to say the least, and I guess that right now, the important thing is just not to panic and to just go in there, and do my best. Forget all the past experiences that I faced of academic inability i VJC, and forget all the past assessments that I've had for Linear Algebra. The time is now, the determining factor is here. It's do or die now.
And even as I take my foot off the pedal, and let Jesus take the wheel, I do too, have to thank the people who kept me calm and composed last night... Sabbie, Rainie, Meng Siong, Zhiyuan, Jacob, Benny, Cheryl and PILA!! Hahaa.. yes yes, Pila, you. :) Thank you for just talking to me, even if it was just 4 simple sentences!! Hahaa.. :)
Well, onwards to my first battle of the exam war!! :)
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Dear Mandy,
And the exams are looming nearer and nearer.. I've got 5 more days till the start of the first paper, and well, these days, studying in VJC and in NUS have made me rather productive, I feel, but I'm still apprehensive.
Well, I evaluated the odds, and I realised that I like studying in VJC more than in NUS... I feel more carefree there, and it's honestly home to me. I have the swing, which has become my favourite companion, and the garden, and the two friends who I'm really comfortable around, as well as the occasional surprise guests that come by, like Si Min and Nigel. Haha.. the two friends who I study a lot with are Zhiyuan and Meng Siong, who've been with me since Sec 1. Meng is this... hardworking machine who's always got his aim that he works relentlessly for... of the three of us, he's easily the most hardworking and ambitious one. Then there's Zhiyuan, who's the alternative point of view. Of the three of us, he's easily the most realistic and unorthodox one. Ever seen someone study Chemistry standing on his chair? Well... u get the idea.
When I study with these two people, I feel a natural need to study hard, and at the same time, a natural ease that allows me to see clearly what is going on. They provide so many insights, and it is heartening to know that all of us are going through similar situations, and we share it outwardly with each other. It's a really nice feeling, and one that makes me feel better irregardless of things.
I'm worried for the exams still, but I can sense that I'm getting better.. well, more prepared. But I guess until I take the first paper, I won't really settle down and get into the mood... It struck me when I managed to find some personal time for myself at the swing on Thursday, how much I've missed having personal time to myself to just... think. And I think I prayed to God while I was there, cause many thoughts were going through my mind, and I just kinda felt God easing all my worries and fears about life in general. His presence was really... comforting. And I got a glimmer of that long awaited personal reflection time that I craved badly.
Similarly, I came to a conclusion that I'm not ready to head back into a relationship for now... and that, until I finish all the commitments on my hand, which will stretch all the way to either January 14 or March 10, depending on whether I get Victorians' Day at hand, I'll probably remain single. Time is definitely not on my hand, and I'm not keen to just jump into a r/s for the sake of it again.
I'm also looking forward to working as a camp instructor again, with a camp in the first week of January! Whoo-hoo! Haha... back to days of momentary escapism and camaradrie amongst the instructors. I guess that camps really are a form of momentary bliss.. haha.. an offer to be away from the normal stress of the working word. A campfire to hype the mood, a group of campers that you know you can motivate. And also, more learning lessons for us NOT to get too close to our campers. That is something that I'm defintely going to learn.
On a side note... I need a break. And I don't know when I'll get it, but I know that in God's arms I can find my rest, and that where I am weak, He is strong. I'm really glad that Kristy's coming back soon... and I also have to find time to meet up with Maggie, Gracie, Gayne, Rainie, Zhiyuan, Jacob, and also, for my Church friends like Pila and Cheryl. Haha.. I've got a packed schedule... but I'll get by it. Because everything in His time. My Lord will provide for me.
And the exams are looming nearer and nearer.. I've got 5 more days till the start of the first paper, and well, these days, studying in VJC and in NUS have made me rather productive, I feel, but I'm still apprehensive.
Well, I evaluated the odds, and I realised that I like studying in VJC more than in NUS... I feel more carefree there, and it's honestly home to me. I have the swing, which has become my favourite companion, and the garden, and the two friends who I'm really comfortable around, as well as the occasional surprise guests that come by, like Si Min and Nigel. Haha.. the two friends who I study a lot with are Zhiyuan and Meng Siong, who've been with me since Sec 1. Meng is this... hardworking machine who's always got his aim that he works relentlessly for... of the three of us, he's easily the most hardworking and ambitious one. Then there's Zhiyuan, who's the alternative point of view. Of the three of us, he's easily the most realistic and unorthodox one. Ever seen someone study Chemistry standing on his chair? Well... u get the idea.
When I study with these two people, I feel a natural need to study hard, and at the same time, a natural ease that allows me to see clearly what is going on. They provide so many insights, and it is heartening to know that all of us are going through similar situations, and we share it outwardly with each other. It's a really nice feeling, and one that makes me feel better irregardless of things.
I'm worried for the exams still, but I can sense that I'm getting better.. well, more prepared. But I guess until I take the first paper, I won't really settle down and get into the mood... It struck me when I managed to find some personal time for myself at the swing on Thursday, how much I've missed having personal time to myself to just... think. And I think I prayed to God while I was there, cause many thoughts were going through my mind, and I just kinda felt God easing all my worries and fears about life in general. His presence was really... comforting. And I got a glimmer of that long awaited personal reflection time that I craved badly.
Similarly, I came to a conclusion that I'm not ready to head back into a relationship for now... and that, until I finish all the commitments on my hand, which will stretch all the way to either January 14 or March 10, depending on whether I get Victorians' Day at hand, I'll probably remain single. Time is definitely not on my hand, and I'm not keen to just jump into a r/s for the sake of it again.
I'm also looking forward to working as a camp instructor again, with a camp in the first week of January! Whoo-hoo! Haha... back to days of momentary escapism and camaradrie amongst the instructors. I guess that camps really are a form of momentary bliss.. haha.. an offer to be away from the normal stress of the working word. A campfire to hype the mood, a group of campers that you know you can motivate. And also, more learning lessons for us NOT to get too close to our campers. That is something that I'm defintely going to learn.
On a side note... I need a break. And I don't know when I'll get it, but I know that in God's arms I can find my rest, and that where I am weak, He is strong. I'm really glad that Kristy's coming back soon... and I also have to find time to meet up with Maggie, Gracie, Gayne, Rainie, Zhiyuan, Jacob, and also, for my Church friends like Pila and Cheryl. Haha.. I've got a packed schedule... but I'll get by it. Because everything in His time. My Lord will provide for me.
"Just a closer walk with Thee
Grant, dear Jesus, is my plea
Daily walking close to Thee
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be...
I am weak, but Thou art strong
Jesus, keep me from all harm
I'll be satisifed as long
As I walk, let me walk, close to Thee
Just a closer walk with Thee
Grant, dear Jesus, is my plea
Daily walking close to Thee
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be..."
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