Dear Mandy..

The last few days have been a rather eventful one... =)

I spent Friday night at a planning meeting for the Cluster "My Hope" program, and I really hope that it will attain it's objective! I really enjoy working with Rachel, Alicia, Isaac, Zhen Zhu and Xiaoyun.. and well, after that, I went for the Step Up "MY Hope" as well. It was... a night of mixed emotions, I'd say. I did enjoy the time spent with the kids, and my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.. but there were times when I felt the kids were a bit hard to handle also. And of course, the little surprises like how a student from a school I used to teach appeared at the party. It was really a night of little wonders and surprises.. one that I enjoy much.

On Saturday, I spent it with Xiaoyun, Rachel, Wei Liang and Isaac at Xiaoyun's house. We spent time at AMK HUb first, buying stuff ffor the dish that we were going to cook for dinner. And then, we went to Xiaoyun's house. We spent a lot of time preparing the dish and even cooking it... and then. we watched "Love Actually" cause Xiaoyun hadn't watched it before. Here's pictorial proof!!

Rachel, me and Wei Liang cooking the stuff!

Me and Isaac cooking!

This is the end product!!!

To be honest? The dish was great! ANd Xiaoyun's father is a great cook! Salmon was great, and the vegetables..? Niceeee... haha... Just had a great time eating and just chilling... was a great way to refresh yourself.

Went for service today, but not before chauffeuring Sis to the airport so she can pick up the Thai delegates coming for the congress that starts tomorrow... And then, I just enjoyd the worship today throughly! Seriously! And I found myself really immersed in Pastor Eugene's message today.. it was a timely reminder for us to ask ourselves just what Christmas is all about... and is God really the priority of our lives? It's something I want to ask myself and check my heart everyday about.

Then, we celebrated Felicia's birthday, before we went to have our cluster meeting.. the meeting was a relatively good one, being honest. We ironed out a lot of things, and managed to even come to conclusions on much of the decisions that we needed to make. Was quite happy with the progress actually. =)

Then, headed down with Wei Liang and Rachel to City Hall - Wei Liang to buy some working trousers, and Rachel for Council dinner later. Had some sharing time with Rachel along the way, and well, Rachel, cheer up yeah? =) Met Kristy then, and then, I bought maccaroons to make Rachel smile... =)

The Councillors came one by one, and we had an attendance of 12 today!! Amazing stuff! And XuWen turned up too!! =) It was really a happy moment for me. We went to Shokudo at Raffles City Shopping Centre, and we ended up talking, eating and catching up on lost moments.

My beloved 20th SC Councillors!!

We moved to Starbucks after that, and we continued our conversation there... but honestly, I'm really glad that I organised this outing. I enjoy catching up with these people.. special people to me, because they are my family for 2 years in VJC. We went through much joy and tears together, and we've come a fairly long way! Of course, one of my closest friends of all, Kristy Koh is there, and my close male friends like Joel and Edrei are also in this group of close friends. And there's Rachel, a friend who's also my close sister in Christ.. I really just enjoy meeting up with them. They're an amazing bunch of individuals... really really just... =)

XuWen and I... Really funny how me managed to cross paths recently!

Kristy and I... one of my closest friends about.. one I'd run to when I've got problems. =)

I guess.. despite all of us walking different paths of life now... some working, some just graduated, some about to graduate... I'm just thankful for the fact that we're still close knit, and we make an effort to meet up once in a while...

Once a Councillor, always a Councillor, I guess? =)

Dear Mandy..

Been spending the last few days reflecting and thinking through a lot of things, especially some things that happened over the weekend at Kota Tinggi, and I find myself confused and in some sense, in deep thought.

Feedback, receptivity and all that... who determines what and how it goes? I've always believed that every situation calls for a different approach, and the way I portray myself often goes to lengths that I don't think about. Perhaps it's time to take a look at those lengths, but one thing is for sure.. when I believe in something, I don't back down from it unless something proves it otherwise. It is in things that I believe strongly in that I refuse to listen to feedback that makes me short of achieving that expected perfection. I am open in terms of other things that I know need the feedback, but am less receptive in things I hold dear to me.

Many a time, I've wondered and pondered... what if the Lord takes it away from me? How would I react? And I guess that the one thing that I probably wouldn't get over would be if the Lord took Himself away from me. Take VJC away from me, take my close friends away from me... I'd be devastated? But life would still go on. But without the Lord.. I don't know. And yet, there are so many times I've fallen short of the Lord's reach, and yet, by His grace, I am still saved. I just need to really get back a hold on that promise of the Lord.

People may say the things they want to say. But I will first endeavour to seek first His righteousness. And even if the path that I am to take may end up with many obstacles and dead ends.. I believe that as long as I walk the path the Lord wants me to walk, I will overcome. Even if it faces adversity from all angles from the people who just don't understand.

I am not the same person I was 9 years ago. I may retain some of the salient traits, and some flaws are still recalcitrant. I will attempt to improve. But don't judge me based on the me I was 9 years ago.

Dear Mandy..

Celebrate the end of exams with a movie.. at my own home, on my own laptop. And I watched a show that was screened in 2001 starring John Kusack and Kate Beckinsale, entitled "Serendipity"
The synopsis is as follows:

"After the long-delayed Town and Country, director Peter Chelsom turns in his second 2001 effort with this love-at-first-sight romantic comedy that revolves around fate, destiny, and chance. Jonathan (John Cusack) and Sara (Kate Beckinsale) are two New Yorkers already in relationships when they meet one another, each reaching for the last pair of cashmere gloves at a department store. Over coffee, they strike up an intimate conversation, and Jonathan thinks they should see each other again. Unconvinced, Sara arranges an elaborate series of "fate" games; if they're meant to be together, she reasons, she and Jonathan will receive some sort of sign in the future. Flash forward several years, and the two are at opposite ends of the country -- Jonathan in New York and Sara in San Francisco, both engaged to be married. Still, neither can shake the memory of their chance encounter, and they both enlist their best friends (Molly Shannon and Jeremy Piven) to help them find their true love again. Serendipity had its Gala World Premiere at the 2001 Toronto Film Festival."

This show, in summary, talks about holding out for that one true love that you believe is the one. Let's face it.. which normal person in their normal minds would hold out, search relentlessly, including taking the subway from New York to Brooklyn to Manhattan and back, flying all the way out to San Francisco I think... and even calling off your own wedding in the end, on the morning of the wedding, because you realise that you are hopelessly waiting for a girl you spent a few hours with a few years ago? Well, the main protagonist, Jonathan did that.

And then... which girl would fly out to New York when she's getting married in a week, run all over the place, get off a plane in the last throes before take off, and go running without a jacket in Winter to the central park? Well, the female protagonist, Sara, did just that.

This movie is touching, and surprisingly light-hearted. It's a story of missed chances, but yet, a fairy tale happy ending. Life's little misgivings that co-join together to culminate in a great, happy ending. It's movies like these that make me remember that love is really great. Of course, movies tend to exaggerate things, and rarely are they the correct portrayal of what not... but I do get renewed hope when I watch such movies. I don't know if this only applies to a minority... but I still am an optimist when it comes to affairs of the heart. =)

See what happens as God's plan? That although there are times when we keep searching, but we just don't find the answer that we need. or the thing we're looking for? It's at times, when we learn to give it up, believe that it's lost, that the Lord will bring it back to us. The Lord's timing is at times... difficult to hold on to, but when it does come, you'll realise it comes at the most beautiful timing... =)

Ecclesiastes 3:!1
"He has made everything beautiful in His time. He has also st eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

I will be patient and believe. =)

Dear Mandy..

"Do you remember when you were in kindergarten, how you just meet somebody, and then 10 seconds later you're playing like you're best friends? Because you didn't have to be anybody but yourself?" -Gabriella Montez, High School Musical.

Have you ever felt that way? Well, I have, and these feelings come across rather frequently as well. Sociology believes that everything is a social construct.. society, education, culture... they're all social constructs. We live by rules that society deem as good, if not, we're deviant. Kinda like... conversational implicature... Conversational implicature is defined as the meaning that is implied by or understood from the utterance of a sentence goes beyond that which is literally expressed or may be entailed. We all think that we're being ourselves.. but in truth, we aren't. We see ourselves as conventional implicatures; defined as the aspect of meaning of an utterance that reflects that of a specific word and does not take part in truth conditions; meaning literal interpretations. The things we do, the trends we follow, sometimes, the thoughts that go through our minds.. they're all socially constructed in someway.

Which brings us to politeness theory, and that of negative face, defined as the want that one's freedom of action should not be impeded by others. Which makes lots of sense to me. Then of course, people would counter it with "without such social constructs, then there'd be no order in the world." Oh yeah.. sure. Everyone's a critic, even myself sometimes. Then again, if everyone knows and truly walks with the Lord, then even without social order, there'd be peace, because everyone follows the Lord's commands. THAT is the best case scenario... the ultimate perfect scene... which is probably only available in heaven.

Which... kinda brings us to another avenue. If everything is a social construct, then do we not live sometimes according to what others want us or think of us to be? Why, yes, of course, definitely! There're people who try to impose their own ideologies on others, known as positive face, defined as the want that one's own wants are equally desirable to others. Then, we realise that though sometimes they mean well? That they are trying to help you "save your future or your ass", that in some senses, in doing what they suggest sometimes, it isn't you anymore. So we end up having to stifle ourselves, change certain aspects of ourselves, because, in all honesty, we are trying to conform ourselves to fit that world's perspective on what is considered "socially acceptable". How quaint...

Ravaged by the world's conformities and all.. it sometimes makes one start to lose hold of himself. While praying today... and over the 25th SC's SDD and the council in general... I came to realise that I should not live by man's standards, but by God's standards. It was a timely reminder, that in spite of all that happens, the Lord makes things beautiful in His time. Of course, there was the verse from Isaiah 40:31.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary;
they will walk and not be faint."
-Isaiah 40:31

What did this verse mean to me? Many things I guess... in conjunction with the song "Power of Your love", which i sang to the Lord in worship, I realise that indeed, those that hope in the Lord will be bale to achieve all those... find refreshment in the Lord. And also, in some abstract notion, that we hope in the Lord, and it implies that in some way, we are living to what God wants us to be. I do see many flaws and many imperfections in me... so I guess I want to live to God's standards... and not conform to the standard of man.

"In this life, we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great Love"
-Mother Theresa

This is a quote I hold rather dear to me, because I believe in it. But to begin with, who can claim that he/she has great love in everything they do? We will never know, only the Lord knows. But if we try.. then I believe we will get somewhere. It may not seem like much... but we will get somewhere. People have been hurt, people have been disappointed, and people have been disillusioned.. but the perfect love of the Lord will provide, and wash away all these inhibitions and fears. Because the Lord is faithful.

It's pretty amazing what 25 minutes of whole-hearted worship and prayer can reveal to you. =)

Dear Mandy..

And so the exams began officially today...

How do I feel? Well, the paper today (EL2201) was interesting, and in some sense, I had fun doing the paper.. I don't know how well I'll do? But I prayed before I submitted the paper that it's all in the Lord's hands.. and surprisingly, His peace transcended over the entire paper. There were questions that I didn't know how to do, or that I was doubtful about. But praise God that He gave me answers when I prayed, helping me to see clearly certain question's requirements.. it was quite heartwarming to know that the Lord's with me even as I take the paper.

I finished the paper and also checking it with 5 minutes to go, and I spent 3 out of that 5 minutes just praying. Praying for the people around me, my close friends... it was really a calming presence.

So, it's 1 down, 3 to go. And I will recrank that engine for Semantics and JS that are BOTH on Monday. =) God be with me. =)

Dear Mandy...

W.R.T. my 715 prayer... I also did it at NUS, and it reaped many unforseen benefits, with lots of grace unto the Lord.

A buzz was filling the canteen as we gathered at 700. The swarm of people gathering for Operation 715 was huge... It reminded me of a verse from the Nehemiah model that Sharon is using for NUS...

Nehemiah 4:20
"Whenever you hear the sound of the trumpet, join us there. Our God will fight for us!"

Indeed, the Lord has sounded the trumpet, and His prayer warriors have gathered for the exact purpose of serving the Lord, and to see His will be done in our college. I was all fired up, and after Pastor Yolanda prayed for us, we split into our groups, as XY mentioned: Arts, Science and Engine. So I went to the Arts group, with an eager heart, but somehow, the Lord told me "Be prepared." So I wondered, be prepared for what?

Sharon: "Daniel, you'll be the leader for the Arts group."
What? Me?
And God replied "Yes, you."

The enthusiasm went "poof" as I considered the responsibility laid upon me.
Am I capable of leading a group of 8 Christians on this prayer walk? Why me, God?
And God replied "Because you pray to me that MY WILL BE DONE. Now go."

So obediently, I led the 8 warriors on the prayer walk. I led them with anxiety in my heart, and fervently praying for the Lord to grant me strength to lead this group of His warriors on this spiritual walk, praying for guidance and direction.
Oh Lord... calm my heart down and guide me.
And God replied "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to me. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. I AM WITH YOU."

I calmed down considerably, and managed to even joke with some of the Christians along with me. Somehow, with the peace that came, did many revelations that resulted from a peace of God and the opening of spiritual senses. So I noticed that the students in NUS will be the next batch of leaders of sectors in society. So I noticed that direction is important, especially the ones who set it. And I noticed certain areas in FASS that the Lord was heavily burdened by, and the Lord even gave me the courage to stop the prayer group, and pray about the area.
Dear Lord, open up my spiritual senses to see what You want me to see; feel what You want me to feel.
And God replied "As you have asked, so shall you receive."

We gathered back at the Deck for debriefing, and I thank God that my really good friend in FASS, ShuYan was proactive in sharing, and so helpful and endearing. From her, the sharing just flowed, and as I availed myself to be used by the Lord, I found myself drinking of His strength, and felt the wonders of being guided by Him. And when we sat in a circle facing outwards, saying the declaration prayer, God's glory shone when everyone of us were saying the prayer with the same intonation in the same places at the same time. And when we sang "Shout to the Lord", I called each member to sing with sincerity, in the way the Lord calls us to. The voices harmonised, the melody sweet, and I believe, pleasing to the Lord.
Oh Lord, accept this sacrifice of praise as your people sing with sincere hearts unto You.
And God replied "I am pleased."

With the closure of the prayer meet, I prayed over the entire group as a whole, and blessed them. As the group departed, the Lord gave me time to seek Him alone in thanksgiving, as I gave thanks for the whole experience, because indeed, the Lord is faithful, and He is good.
Dear Lord, I thank You for bringing me through this ordeal.
And God replied "I love you, my child, and ne'er will I forsake you."

Is our God wonderful? Yes, He is. He even led Shu Yan to come find me, and a time of short, but meaningful fellowship with this sister of mine who has taken 3 modules with me when we are different majors, and who I have come to cherish as a dear sister to me. It was an Operation where God called His warriors, and though we go through the valleys of Baca, He used us to make it a place of springs.

Operation 715: COMPLETED!

Dear Mandy...

It's been some time, but it's also been a time of a lot of revelations and quite some things on my mind, that I know I have to find time to reflect and pray about. Some good, some pose a change for the future, and some could be bad... but I'm wondering. =)

The GEK1052 project went so smoothly and wonderfully, that I'm really just so blessed by the Lord. He took us through a journey that started off rocky, worrying, and left us on the verge of throwing in the towel at times... but the Lord stayed true to His promises. It's really a miracle... because we couldn't find an elderly agency, and checking everywhere, it didn't really help out. So I prayed to the Lord one fine day when I was so desolate and desperate... and I cried while worshipping Him and playing the guitar. The Lord's words were simple: "My son, why do you worry when I am with you?" and He gave me a revelation that by the end of the week, He will provide. Lo and behold, at 2pm that Saturday, I received a call from Yan Ying to say that Siyun had found an elderly contact! Imagine my joy! I learnt that it is really in our weakness that the Lord is made strong, and I'm really thankful, and in awe of the wonders of my Lord.

If that's not all, the project was really God's grace throughout. There are times when I feel uncomfortable that we're going in unprepared, or even felt irritated that sometimes, we can't find the time to meet up and tie down important pointers. But then, whenever I choose to commit it unto the Lord, He really takes us through it. I believe that choosing to trust the Lord is a difficult option at times? BUt when we do it by faith, the Lord is faithful. =)

Well... and about affairs of the heart... I'm slowly letting go... and there have been really nice people around who are really encouraging. Especially with the latest proceedings at the moment, which I really want to take slowly and evaluate every possible thing, and most importantly, wait for the Lord's confirmation. I really want to be patient and wait for the Lord's timing for the Lord's plan. It will be beautiful. =)

As we all know, it's reading week, and the final exams are just around the corner. Still have one more essay to do, which I managed to complete the first draft today... but this is probably an essay that I need to relook at. Yet, this season, I want to be a student that the Lord wants me to be.. I want to be able to strike a balance between studying hard and being content with the grades the Lord wants me to have.

There's so much to be done, so little time.. but I will believe, because my God is wonderful. =)

Dear Mandy...

These days.. I've been struggling, and yet, God's glory still shines.

On Saturday, 25th Oct 2008, we went to execute the Terrarium Project. And well... I was worried and uncomfortable going in without proper planning on Friday. So.. what did I do? I prayed. I prayed before I slept, I prayed before I left house... and when I reached NL CSC early, I took out my guitar, and prayed, and worshipped the Lord. I felt that it was simply, a call of faith to rely completely on God for this project.

I'll blog more about the project when the debriefing and everything is done... but let's just say that it was indefinitely a day whereby God's glory was so strong and powerful... and there's really nothing like a thanksgiving prayer, and a good debrief to end it all. =)

What have I been struggling with of late? The ever mounting workload, and the weariness I'm feeling at having to be there for people, and help people out. I feel a very strong urge to just throw aside my responsibilities and just take a weekend reflection trip by myself to Bintan or something. But I know I can't, so I weigh up what lies ahead for me, and find myself staggering.

Then I read XY's blog post about negativity, and I start thinking...

"What is the attitude of my heart?"

"How strong is my faith?"
"Why the negativity at times?"
"Why do I doubt?"

But the most pressing question on my heart at the moment.. is this:

"Why am I afraid to open up my feelings and thoughts, and believe there is someone out there who I can truly like and may even be my future partner?"

The answer, I know. And I have shared why with Xiaoyuan, some of the guys in my tribe, and with Gaynie... but I'm still afraid. Today has been a day that talks about strongholds... and it makes me wonder... how strongholds can be subconsciously created.. that it can really.. really be scary.

I'm still reflecting, still wondering, and I hope.. I'll be able to find an answer soon...

Dear Mandy,

This week has been... a pretty interesting week, to say the least.

I'm really quite thankful to God for a lot of things.. the first being the GEK1052 project. Where 2 weeks ago, we were in dire straits, and on the clinging on to just that tiny glimmer of hope, out of nowhere, the Lord not only provides an agency, He also provides alternatives. I've been in awe, and in gratitude to God, that when we chose to commit the project into His hands, and to be prayerful, and to keep that faith, the Lord answers. It was amazing, because the Lord affirmed me in a moment of desolation that He is with me, and told me by the end of last week, He would give us an elderly agency.

Lo and behold, on Saturday, at 1pm, the phone call I received from Yan Ying left me so in awe, for He had provided an elderly agency for us! I was so so amazed! And then, after that, through further research, we found an agency that could help us. And of course, let's not discount the hard work and the way my project group gels together. Just yesterday, we were presented that the elderly agency cannot make it, but God provides! Hahaha.. they linked us up with another elderly agency! =) Praise God!

Academically... well... I'm unsure about my EL2202 test... but my EL2201 test was really astounding... praise God for that. I'm also thankful that I'm able to complete the first drafts of some of my essays, and well.. I don't know how the rest are going to be, but I guess I'll take this step by faith.

I went for BNSS 1D'07 2D'08 BBQ on thursday evening.. and I was quite happy. Hahaha.. meeting up with my previous form class is really... great. Everyone of them have grown, and changed.. some good things i saw, some sad things I felt.. but overall, it was just great to be able to meet up with them again. =)

Yesterday, I went to attend Gui Ling's birthday party, and her class, 4A1'08, were there. Cute class, and I have a best friend...? How did that happen? Hahah.. But okay larhz... WeiLing.. or is it WeiXing is quite cute. Hahaha.. =) Nice people, fun time, though I only had 2 hours there. In that 2 hours? I cooked, ate, got served by the birthday girl (thanks for blessing me, Gui Ling!), and had cake thrown in my face... how fun. Hahahaha... but oh well, Gui Ling, may God bless you. =)

I'm looking forward to tomorrow.. haha... =) May God's glory shine! =)

Dear Mandy..

Life's a really funny thing at times... there are times when you feel like it can't get any worse than this, and you're at the pit bottom of this really huge hole... and there're times when the sky suddenly seems within reach, and you're soaring above the eagles.

Today... I spent time mugging in school... and I realised.. that God is gracious. I've heard stories of how the friendships in Uni are formal or superficial, but today, the Lord reminded me of the essence of friends.. I kinda remember this proverb that stood out for me when I read a chapter of "Clearwater Crossing" series... here it is..

"A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
- Proverbs 18:24

And how did the Lord show me of friends? He showed me friends that I only made when I came to NUS, and how close we've grown to become. Friends like Pearlyn, who I've really grown to cherish as a close friend that we share lots of experiences together, like Jasmine, where we can talk about God and share about our testimonies of God's grace and love. Like Isaac, who's a complete joker, but someone I am at ease with. Like Dennis, my crazy EL partner who though has a wacky sense of humour, is someone I can argue about EL with. Like Jaslyn, who despite only having taken one module together, tries to find time to have lunch with me and pray for me. Like LiXin, my mdm, who tries to make time to meet me. And the list can go on and on at times.

Why am I sharing this, because God has showed me that forging friendships that go beyond the superficiality of academics is entirely up to us. And with God's grace, it can go a long way. I can safely say for sure that I'll maintain the friendship I share with Pearlyn, Jasmine, Isaac and Dennis for as long as I can. I can safely say that I'll meet up with Jaslyn once in a while, and also with LiXin, Cindy, Siyun, Shi Hui and Yan Ying among others... and I really really feel, that this is all God's grace unto me.

All along my life, I've been blessed with wonderful friends. From young, people like Michelle, Amy, and most importantly, Abby. To secondary school where I had Bryan, Joel, the prefects, the NCC (Air) guys, and my tuition friends. I remember getting close to Jessie again, and making close new ones like Jennifer, Jasmine mei, and well.. a whole load of other meis.

VJC was perhaps the most happy and the most arduous moments of my life. But God blessed me with the 20th Students' Council, with people like Kristy K, Joel Lee, Hui Zhi, Hui Yi, Sanjay, Samuel, Siva, Edrei, Deepak, Gracie.. and a whole lot more. Not forgetting my class, 03S13, and the odd people like Anhua, SueAnn, Theodora, Chiew Mei, Tryphena, and sweet juniors like Kandy, MIn Xuan, Jing Yi, Santosh, Hazel, Jaclyn, Shi Ying and Audrey. Many fond memories were made here, and many challenges faced that I eventually overcame.

Then came the army... arduous days. But from BMT, Kenneth, Shane and Wei Cheng, who I still meet up with once in a while, are great. OCS.. not many memories there... but I loved my SOCE and 30 SCE days.. Zhiyuan, Samuel, Ervin, Gabriel... these people are wonderfully fantastic people that I don't mind spending time with, and even loved spending time with. All the late nights at the mess, or chit chat sessions.. gosh... wonderful.

And now, in NUS... time really flies... but the Lord has been gracious. I also have to add in my beloved JB TRIBE! haha.. This is one family I really cherish and love... =) For reasons that I just can't put into words... People like my cell, Felicia, Yvette, Audrey, Michelle, Xiaoyun, Cheryl, the Step Up crew, Wei Lin, Joshua, Clarence, Pastors and so much more... It's really really amazing how God brings people into my life.

Most of all, there's always God. =) For without Him, all these would not have been possible.

I'm starting to see more reasons why our God is so great... =) And I hope that I never lose sight of that. =)

Dear Mandy,

I came across perhaps one of the most touching songs that I've ever heard in my whole 22 years on this planet...

No surprises it's sung by Martina McBride. =)

Here are the lyrics...

God's Will

I met God's Will on a Halloween night
He was dressed as a bag of leaves
It hid the braces on his legs at first

His smile was as bright as the August sun
When he looked at me
As he struggled down the driveway, it almost
Made me hurt

Will don't walk too good
Will don't talk too good
He won't do the things that the other kids do,
In our neighborhood

(Chorus:)
I've been searchin', wonderin', thinkin'
Lost and lookin' all my life
I've been wounded, jaded, loved and hated
I've wrestled wrong and right
He was a boy without a father
And his mother's miracle
I've been readin', writin', prayin', fightin'
I guess I would be still
Yeah, that was until
I knew God's Will

Will's mom had to work two jobs
We'd watch him when she had to work late
And we'd all laugh like I hadn't laughed
Since I don't know when

Hey Jude was his favorite song
At dinner he'd ask to pray
And then he'd pray for everybody in the world but him

(Chorus)

Before they moved to California
His mother said, they didn't think he'd live
And she said each day that I have him, well it's just
another gift
And I never got to tell her, that the boy
Showed me the truth
In crayon red, on notebook paper, he'd written
Me and God love you

I've been searchin', prayin', wounded, jaded
I guess I would be still
Yeah that was until...
I met God's Will on a Halloween night
He was dressed as a bag of leaves

I really feel like crying when I hear this song, because it speaks so simply, and so innocently of how a kid diagnosed with cerebral Palsy can comprehend such a simple thing that God loves him... and God loves us. The video is on my sidebar, by the way... =)

How great is our God? Very... and I believe that this song, like some of the other songs that remind me of God's grace, will remain with me for quite some time...

Because of the simplicity of God's love.
Because in every difficult situation, God's love shines.
Because in all honesty, God is faithful.
Because... God sent His son to die for us on the cross.

And at the end of the day.. all I can say is... wow... =)

Dear Mandy..

Well, time really flies.. it's week 5 of the 1st Semester of my 2nd year as an NUS FASS student, and this semester feels the fastest of all the semesters thus far! And I have absolutely no idea why...! I wonder if it's because of the fact that this semester, I managed to have a 3 day week, but then again, last semester I also had a 3 day week!!! So why the change in feeling...?!?! I have no idea..

On a separate note, Project CLASS for my group officially ended, and I feel rather liberated. My group's toilet painting went relatively well, though the end product still requires touching up, but I'm already rather thankful that we managed to finish the project. Pictures are here!!

This is how the doors of the toilet look like...

This is found above the urinals...

This is where the sinks are.. I painted the rainbow!!!

Whenever I looked at the toilet, I felt quite a sense of achievement... given that this was completed with a group of about 6, and with some help from their friends, and they're only Secondary School students, I think that it's a good and positive result. Though there are many more things that are desired out of it... haha... =) Had my final debrief with them last Monday... =)

Encounter camp was next from 5th to 7th September, and it was a really wonderful experience there... God's grace and fervour was obvious throughout the whole encounter, and there were many a time where I myself was quite surprised at the things I could do. There was no explanation except that it was all due to God's grace, and His glory! From the start to the end... it was all, very simply put, surreal.

Back to school... and rushing assignments and tutorials and project research.. been in school since 9.30am till now.. going home at about 8pm only... I must get more work done if I want to be able to rest and to make time for more things to happen... oh well... =) Onwards!!!

Dear Mandy,

So many things are happening all at the same time that there are times when I find it rather hard to breathe.

What is freedom? This question just popped into my mind... a lot of people think that freedom is being able to do what you want, and to be who you want to be. But then, a lot of ambiguity pops in. Freedom is essentially a social construct. Many a time, when people say that they have the freedom, they overlook that one thing.

As for myself... I'm trying to come to terms with some stuff, and it'll take sometime, probably. Perhaps this is another example of dying to myself even as I attempt to set new boundaries, and have a newer mindset. Life really isn't all it's spruced up to be. And though we all want to be ourselves, I guess the truth underlying it all is that, what extent are we allowed to be ourselves? When what we are supposed to be are determined already by social situations?

Well... it's definitely a Philosophical question at the back of my mind even as I'm looking at the situation at hand, and attempting to reset and fine tune certain boundaries.

Once this week is over, I guess I'll take a major major back seat in certain things, and try to sort this question out amidst all the studying and assignments and tests that are coming up one at a time. I'll keep trying.

Dear Mandy,




Well, this is a clip from the finale of the entire Proposal Daisakusen; the part where Ken finally tells Rei that he likes her. I've cried desperately and painfully at this part 3 out of 4 times I've watched this before, because I realise just how sweet, tender and difficult it must have been for Ken, and for Rei as well. =)



For this clip, it comes from the Proposal Daisakusen SP. I love what Ken is saying as he's running. I'm going to give you the English translation for what he says when he's running, mainly... when the music starts after he leaves the car. Here's what he says:

" About one year ago, I also ran with all my strength this way...
To return to the past, running with all my strength time and time again.. for Rei.
I ran with all my strength before...
because I wanted so badly to change Rei's tears into a smile.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I wanted so badly to see Rei.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I wanted to give Rei my 2nd button.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I didn't want Rei to regret anything.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I wanted to be the first person to celebrate Rei's 20th birthday with her.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I wanted to tell Rei "I love you".
I threw with all my strength before...
Because I didn't want to be forgotten by Rei.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I wanted to propose to Rei.
I ran with all my strength before...
Because I was afraid of losing Rei.
Ever since a year ago, I have been running with all my strength for Rei.
Because I didn't want to be separated from Rei...
No matter what, I wanted to tell Rei that I love her...
That I wanted to make her the happiest person in the World...
I ran with all my strength.
Those feelings slowly came back...
and without realising it..
I felt like crying.
Although I still had things left over, I've been running away this past year.
I felt it within the inner depths of myself."

This.. speech by Ken really makes me very wistful. Because how many of us would run so much, do so much for the person that we really love? I don't know, and perhaps, I'll never know, but I'm certain that if we really love someone.. then we'd be able to do so much for him or her. Of course.. I want to be able to do so for God.

For the God who saved me...
For the God who's always been there...
For the God who's always so faithful...
For the God who gave His one and only son, so that I may have eternal life.

And also.. maybe someday.. for the woman that the Lord will bring into my life. I wonder... =)

Yesterday's service was a really good sermon. It had 3 important points, mainly:

1) Knowing our final destiny
2) That we do know God
3) Abiding in God's presence

And yet, the Lord spoke to me about so many things. Three main revelations that struck me, though not necessarily of the same order, but let me elaborate.

The first revelation that He gave me, was in relation to what I'd been reading about in Richard and Kristine Carlson's "One hour to live; one hour to love". Richard Carlson said this: "None of us knows, of course, how long we have to live. Even fewer of us realise what a blessing in disguise this "curse" of knowing we will one day die really is. It encourages us to live on the edge, not to take life for granted, and to be grateful for what we have, treating life as the miracle it truly is." I think that it's self explanatory... if we know our final destiny, then the more we should embrace every moment for what it is worth... instead of moping around, and letting precious nuggets of life slip us by.

The second revelation is that the challenges that we face show us the reality of God. But the Lord prompted me to think even deeper... He asked me to think about why challenges were given to us in the first place. And I answered Him, that every challenge has an obstacle to overcome. The Lord showed me that every obstacle and challenge we face has its own learning objectives, it's own learning pointers. But the question that He gave me was this: Do I even stop to ponder about what the learning points are in each ordeal that I go through, or do I just rejoice and give thanks that I've managed to overcome this obstacle. Every challenge, He said, is an opportunity to become a better person, to learn, and to become more and more like the Jesus that we know who walked the Earth. This revelation struck me really really hard.

The final revelation, is a reminder that the Lord is always with us. In good times, and bad times... He is always there. However, we always wonder and cry out in bad times "Lord, where are you?", when in truth, He's the one that's carrying us in our pains.. just that we're too caught up in our ordeals that we don't even realise that God has always been with us. He's always trying to reach out to us, but it's up to us to discern and try to hear Him speak in our difficult arenas.

I'm starting afresh a new school semester, and this sermon really came at the right time. =) The song that the Lord gave to me, is a rather old song.. it's called "People need the Lord. Here're the lyrics. =)

Every day, they pass me by
I can see it in their eyes
Empty people filled with care
Headed who knows where
On they go through private pain
Living fear to fear
Laughter hides their silent cries
Only Jesus hears

People need the Lord
People need the Lord
At the end of broken dreams
He's the open door
People need the Lord
People need the Lord
When will we realise
People need the Lord

We are called to take His light
To a world, where wrong seems right
What could be too great a cost
For sharing life with one who's lost
Through His love, our hearts can eel
All the grief they bear
They must hear the words of life
Only we can share

People need the Lord
People need the Lord
At the end of broken dreams
He's the open door
People need the Lord
People need the Lord
When will we realise
People need the Lord

"At the end of broken dreams.. people need the Lord."
"I will never fail you, nor forsake you. - Joshua 1:5"

To me.. I guess this song is a call for salvation for people? But it also reminds me of the fact that.. even as Christians, we really need the Lord in our lives.. and where would I be, if not for the almighty God who stays with us through times of pain and suffering? =) I don't know... but I'm thankful for my saviour. =)

Dear Mandy,

Well.. I just watched "Virgin Snow" which starred Miyazaki Aoi and Lee Jun-Ki. This is a story about a Korean transfer student called Min whose father is a potter who went to Japan, and there, he met Nanae, who's a Japanese high school student who ends up in the same school as him, who specialises in art. THeir story blossoms slowly and sweetly, and despite the language barrier... this tale speaks of the efforts a pair of true lovers would take for each other. The two make a pact.. that Min would one day make ceramic pottery, and Nanae would paint them. A simple promise, but taken up by both with much effort and desire. Nanae hones her painting skills, and learns Korean; Min starts learning how to do pottery, and Japanese.

I was sincerly touched by the sweet simplicity of their romance, and the tenderness. All Min wants is to put a smile constantly on Nanae's face, whereas Nanae just wants to spend the rest of her life with Min. But Nanae's family background forces her to make a decision and to move away from Kyoto, which she does without saying anything to anyone, except in a letter inside a amulet that she gives Min on their 100th day together. Min also gives Nanae a ceramic doll that is his first ever successful claywork.. with it, were promises of a future that held much promises and memories... which never came to be, for Min gave the amulet to his grandmother without reading the letter inside. Thus, he returns to Kyoto, not knowing what happened, and why Nanae left. With the hurt brooding in his heart, Min went back to Korea.

In the midst of their romance, Nanae and Min sat on a rowboat in a river in Japan. Nanae then reveals that any couple who sits on a rowboat on this river would never last. And Min then revealed that any couple who walks along Doldam Street in Seoul would also never last. However, this bad luck would be erased when a couple walks along that street on the first day of snow in Korea. They then make a pact to meet along that street the next virgin snow.

2 years later, Nanae's painting won an award at an art competition in Korea, and she chances upon Min. However, Min is cold and aloof to her, and both part with heavy hearts. Nanae goes back to her painting of Kyoto, and adds in the final touches... Min's face at each of the locations that they had ever been together. Min however, breaks all the ceramic statuettes that he had not painted, waiting for Nanae to paint them, and tears the painting Nanae gave him apart. Fate chanced upon them, when Min's grandmother returned the amulet to him, and he finally reads the letter inside. Min goes back to the temple where Nanae and him made a wish together, and finds out that every year, Nanae was waiting for him at Doldam Street in Korea.

When he returns to Seoul, it starts to snow, and he realises that it's the virgin snow in Korea. Remembering what Nanae did every year, he rushes off to Doldam street. In the midst of a jam, he gets out of the taxi, and starts to run to Doldam street. Fuelled by his desire to see Nanae and reconcile with her, he runs the entire distance to Doldam Street... when he reaches... he manages to see a note on a tree written by Nanae: "First Snowfall, date, promise.. I believe." There, he finds Nanae, and they finally get back together.

I'm really touched by the simplicity of this romance story, because it speaks of a very very simple thing: two people taking an effort individually to make a relationship work. It's not easy, definitely... but if two people really feel for each other, and they make an effort... then things should work out eventually. For some people, they might feel the movie to be a bit draggy, and cheesy at certain points... but I see past the movie aspects, to the more emotional and aesthetic aspects... it's really a simple movie with a simple meaning. It's a rather fresh approach to things. =)

Yesterday was my last day at Loyang Sec, and being honest.. I had mixed feelings about it. I was happy that I can stop working, yet a bit wistful, especially with regards to 4A1, and a few other individual students. I think that the students are actually quite good, but they just need motivation and more attention to them for their studies. Well.. I know that there're 4A1 students frequenting my blog, so hello to you! =) Hahaha... but in any case, it's been great.

I also managed to take a few snapshots of the 4E and 5A students' artwork, and I can honestly tell you that some of their art work is really really good. If you don't believe me, take a look at them! =)

A painting about fear

This is Nadia's painting

YingYing's painting about what smoking does to you

Esther's drawing about tourism

A painting about contours

I honestly am impressed by their art work, really. And well, God affirmed me through this opportunity to witness such amazing art pieces that indeed, each of us have been called by Him to fulfill our own purposes in life. I know I can't paint for nuts... but these children can... THese children who're supposedly in a neighbourhood school can create such wondrous pieces of art. They're definitely intelligent, just in a different way from others. =)

I was at "Day of His power" yesterday, where the churches involved in the "Love Singapore" movement gathered to pray for Singapore. And I felt God's presence very strongly in Hall 10, so much so that I was given such renewed vigour when I prayed, or even in worship. I was praying with so much conviction that even I shocked myself. Though I didn't really know what I was praying at times, but it felt so right, because the Lord's presence was reall truly there. Amazing stuff. =)

Well.. I'm forging ahead to school next week.. =) I'll be strong. =)

Dear Mandy,

I went back to VJC for intra Council today, and I can honestly say that I haven't felt this liberated, done so much exercise, nor felt so many emotions in one day all in one go...

I love 20th.
The members of 20th who came today are as follows: Siva, Hui Yi, Kaval, Deepak, Benny, Steffie, Sammie, Joel, Sara, Rachel, Sanjay, David and myself. It was great to see so many 20th, especially Kaval and David whom I haven't seen for a long while... the conversations that we had over prata, as well as over a drink... the reminiscing of moments, even the group talk with Mr. Tan Yew Hwee and the mass dance and cheers towards the end... they spoke of a bond that though significantly less strong, but still of importance in our hearts and our souls. Culminating in the long missed 20th cheer, the council song... i grew to understand and cherish more and more... these friends that I made in my 2 years in VJC, and for some of them... friends probably for life, even.

I really like 25th.
Whenever I see the 25th doing things together, playing or even cheering, i can sense in them an attitude that I really warms my heart. Though I cannot be sure if this feeling is for the whole council, but for some of them, they adopt an attitude of learning, of innocence. They don't stop at the barest of minimums, and they're not too proud to not ask for help. They want to learn, and it shows me that service learning is really an option, and not an obligation. God opened my eyes and let me see that this could be the very last Council that I'm going to be taking care of for a long time coming, and He opened up doors for me. There's a councillor in 25th, Geraldine... She's really a sweet girl. Despite her outwardly happy and joking exterior, I've come to realise that this girl is someone who's actually trying very hard to give her best and to achieve perfection in the things that she does. And amazingly... the Lord opened a door for me to be able to go in and help her in ways that I had never expected that I'd be able to. I really praise God. Then there's also Le-Anne, YuWei, Yiyee amongst others, and I guess that this council, I'm really helping a lot more than I have done for other councils except 20th and 21st... =) Amazing things that God does.

INtra Council has always been a highlight for me, because it's a day whereby we can experience being a student all over again.. using the school facilities, running around the school, meeting my Councillors, like orientation all over again... or back to a day or reminiscing with the Councillors... I believe that there will come a day when nobody from 20th will turn up, seeing how 19th didn't turn up at all today... but we all move on in some way or other. =)

Praise God for memories, and praise God for open doors and windows... =) I do believe that the Lord will use us to bless people... =) I hope I've been just that.

And HELLO GERALDINE!!! =P

Dear Mandy..

And with Proposal Daisakusen's ending...

the tears that I'd never seemed to be able to let flow down my eyes... finally fell... and I cried badly...

I guess that I'm like Iwase Ken, or Yoshida Rei in some sense... but I doubt that the same thing will ever happen to me in the future. For many reasons that I think I shouldn't say.

Proposal Daisakusen is officially one of my most favourite tv shows. =)

Dear Mandy,

Proposal Daisakusen

I was watching this Japanese Serial entitled Proposal Diasakusen, starring Tomohisa Yamashita and Masami Nagasawa, and it's a really touching serial. The serial is about Iwase Ken (Tomohisa) who's witnessing the wedding of his childhood friend, Rei (Masami). However, he's always loved her, but he never confessed to her. So on her wedding day, he finds himself being extremely wistful, and wishing that he could turn back time to change what happened. A fairy living in the church that Rei's getting married, gives him the opportunity to change that. During the photo show of Rei's past, almost every picture that was taken with Ken and their clique showed Rei having an unhappy face. The fairy sends Ken back to a few hours before the picture was taken to salvage things, and also to give him a chance to profess his love for Rei. I'm at episode 4 now, and each turn, the things don't always go as planned, but he somehow manages to make Rei smile eventually, and make things work out, with the end product Rei's smiling face on what was supposedly a frowning picture, and an increase of Ken's importance in Rei's heart.

What this show taught me... is that very often, we don't realise that we're doing things that either hurt others, or that we've been misunderstanding people. Ken has a 2nd chance to make things right.. but what the fairy said in the closing minutes of Episode 4.. that a person's heart takes things that go beyond the limit to make a difference to it's feelings. And it made me extremely wistful.

At this point in time, or rather, after watching Episode 4, i felt extremely wistful. I wish that I had a close friend, someone that I could tell anything about everything, and knowing that I won't be misunderstood, or that I'd have to explain about stuff. And well, there's a lot of things that I think I'd have changed.. one of which would be making time to meet up with really close friends that might have become like how Rei is to Ken... knowing everything about each other... but minus the lack of understanding of Rei that Ken has...

There was a special someone that I though could have been that person... but after a certain journey.. it seems like our friendship isn't even... a friendship anymore. It's perhaps this that's the most hurtful of all that has happened thus far, but I didn't realise it until now... I really miss the times we had, the conversations we shared, and the unspoken understanding that existed... in short, I miss you as that extremely close friend that I share everything with.

The Lord has been faithful, and has provided for me more than once, and been my best friend of late... but there are times when I wish that there was a soulmate amongst one of my friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to all my friends, and to my closest of all, like Jacob, Zhiyuan, Cheryl, Priscilla, Deborah, and so on.. but more to an extent that I wish that... it was like that of how Ken is to Rei.

I don't know how to describe it, but if you watch the show... you'll understand what I mean... =)

Emotional person signing off. =)

Dear Mandy...

The picture that we took before we went for our first ever Open Water dive in Tioman

I just returned from my diving certification course in Tioman, and the experience is completely and utterly fantastic. There's completely nothing else like it, being perfectly honest, and when I went for the trip, I prayed to the Lord, asking Him to fill me with amazing awe and wonder at His creation: nature. Something that no man made object can exemplify, though we often admire the majestic and sturdy view of the skyscrapers which are man made contraptions.. to me, nothing beats the feel of nature, the peacefulnees and tranquility of relatively untouched habitats, and just revelling in the glory of God's wondrous creation.

Of course, the journey wasn't all that smooth sailing to begin with. The choppy waters in the middle of the night saw our boat ride resemble that of a mini roller coaster... we would rise up really high, come back down really low... and the whole trip just really made sleeping difficult as well. One of us, Hui Lin, being prone to motion sickness, ended up vomitting the whole of the 3.5 hour ride from Mersing jetty to Tioman island.. and yes, we reached Tioman at about 3am plus, where we got our rooms (which are quite nice actually) and just prompty concussed after changing out of our attire, brushing our teeth.

(From L to R) Meng Siong, ShuYu, Kathrine, myself - just before we descended to the sea bottom

Meng Siong and myself in the water posing during a skills session underwater

The first day saw us going out for our open water dive, which basically was 2 dives, swimming out to House Reef for a test on our basic skills, and even to have a glimpse of what Tioman promises... of course, at House Reef, it was really just the barest minimum.. and already, we saw Sea Urchins, Sea Cucumbers, Stone Fishes, and a lot more... really, it was already a breathtaking sight to behold.. God's amazing wonders.. and it really left me in awe of what God can really do. The underwater world.. =)

The Stone Fish

We had to study for our test at 6.30pm after that, and we spent close to 3 hours plus just studying. The heat of the day as well as the comfort of the location lulled me to sleep for 15 minutes.. but the test came soon enough, and well.. we all passed.. *yay* and the food there is really quite good actually. =) But of course, they had a BBQ buffet dinner, which ended in a heavy shower and a blackout that lasted from the night, 8.30pm all the way until the time we left, it hadn't been resolved yet.

We are Pro Muggers!!!

Well, we spent close to 1 hr just sitting outside on the verandah, feeding mosquitoes, listening to songs from our handphones, and talking, I started getting very reflective actually, and I think it was kinda obvious. Hahah.. the night didn't go very well, cause we slept with the windows open, and the mosquitoes had a field day coming in to feed. *Rolls eyes*

This was just before we descended on our first ever leisure dive!

THe next morning, we went for our leisure dive!!! YAY!!! Oh gosh, we did the "Giant Stride" entry into the water, and we saw so many things!!!! Corals, more sea urchins, beautiful colourful fishes, some eels, a big pomfret lookalike, Clown fish.... really wonderful things. THe best part of the dive for me, was feeding the fishes undewater with bread. THere were two awfully cute black and blue fishes that came to eat the bread off my hand... and they nibbled my fingers. Hhaha.. very ticklish sensation, but still adorable. =)

Lionel feeding fish with bread

Really beautiful corals

Fishes!! of unknown species

Sea urchins
A school of fish!!

At the end of the dive, a picture underwater!

The dive trip ended with the 2nd leisure dive... and we headed back to SIngapore. The company that I had with this trip, Simply Scuba, were really great instructors, and the friends that i went and got certified with... Shu Yu, Kathrine, Hui Lin, Zhiyuan and Meng Siong were relatively good company. Just glad abt it.

(From L to R) Kathrine, ShuYu, Yanto (DM), Meng Siong, Lionel (Instructor), ZhiYuan, HuiLin, myself

Really needed God's strength this period of time, and true to His promises, what I prayed for came true. I'll just revel in the wonders of God's creation, and plan my next trip! =)

Dear Mandy,

I guess that there comes a time when you realise that you've lost a part of yourself... the direction that you've always adopted, and of course, that startling realisation that you've kinda lost sight of a lot of things in your life.

Jacob pointed out to me the day before that I seem to be rather unhappy with stuff... that... well... there's a part of me that seems to have died away. He did catch some vibes from me... the truth being that I am still pretty much the happy-go-lucky person that I am, and still jovial and everything, but beneath all that, there's a underlying sense of unhappiness that seems to sap the genuine joy that I used to portray every now and then.

Perhaps I do know what's causing this unhappiness, and I just can't seem to muster up the courage to face it, or to even reflect about it, and spend time with God regarding it. But as what Kristy and Jacob say.. I can't keep hiding away from it forever. I guess I'm going to have to face up to it soon, and I somehow can sense the Lord beckoning me to come unto Him...

I've been keeping myself extremely busy of late... in some sense, not wanting to face up to what has come. But the Lord showed me that it won't work that way, using the Step Up programme and 2 consecutive weeks of mistakes to show me that even if my heart is there... if I'm using it to avoid from a problem.. then it still affects my performance. Many a time, it's the grace of God that leads me through it all.. but I know that I can't take it for granted, though I keep falling short of the mark.

Been busy with Project CLASS, STEP UP Programme and MAGICBOX merchandise sales.. so if anyone's interested in selling merchandise at Esplanade, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! =)I've got a few pictures to show...

My Project CLASS Group - RAINBOW

I love the sandcastles!!!

Nice huh? Hahaha.. i really like them! =)