Dear Mandy...

"I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you."Genesis 12:2-3

I have officially returned from Encounter weekend, and it was really an eye opening experience, and one that I believe I won't ever ever forget for a very long time. The amount of tears, the revelations, the experiences... everything feels kinda surreal, but yet... so real.

The very night that we reported for camp, I guess I could already sense that God was going to do something very special in this weekend. The moment I stepped into the dorm, and the people that filed in, Andrew immediately identified me as a VS guy, and I think it's God's hint that these few days would require us to stay together, and He helped by placing someone I and Victor Ong could relate to in the same dorm.

The night started with what a true encounter is, and God struck me very much when Victor Sim started crying already... I could sense God's presence very much after that session, and that night, I prepared myself mentally, emotionally, and prayed to the Lord that the Holy Spirit would come unto me and that He would keep my heart and mind open and receptive to His touches.

I awoke early on Sat morning to run with Yew Fie, Mike and this other girl down to SRJC and back. It was a good jog... not too tiring, and the distance was just right. And breakfast was good. And the day kickstarted.

The first session, about God's love for me, was something that I could really relate to... and yet, it's still amazing how much He loves us, despite any misgivings that we have had before. I cried very very badly for this one... really. And the Lord just told me, very very gently, that... well... my best times so far was with the VSPB in Sec 3 and Sec 4, and the best was with the 20th Students' Council. Because for the main reason that they love me for me, and after I left Council, why I keep feeling so lost, and so out of place, is because I was afraid to accept love from the people around me. And the Lord told me, that He loves me. And that triggered the tap... I just sobbed and sobbed... and when Yew Fie prayed for me, it just made me feel even more vulnerable... After about 15 minutes of crying, I simmered down, and composed myself once again... Amazing what Army training can do to your handling of emotions, and Victor Ong also composed himself. It was then that, we all realised Victor Sim was still crying, so Isaac, Victor Ong and Wei Liang, under the suggestion of Yew Fie, gave him a big group hug.

When it came to the next session on the meaning of sin, well, Ps William actually challenged us to look at Jesus on the cross... and that was something I felt was difficult for me. I mean, would He accept me as who I am now? What if I went forward, only to be rejected by Him, and to find out that His love for me is lesser than others? But nevertheless, I took the leap of faith forward, knelt down and prayed. And once again, the Lord displayed His amazing grace when He told me this "You don't have to be perfect before me. You don't have to attempt to be flawless to come to me. All I want from you is a sincere heart, humility, the courage to admit your sins, and the conviction to repent. That's all..." And I cried again... somewhere along my tears, the Lord gently reminded me of the time when I was at TCT for the Christmas@Orchard leader training, and when Ps Bel prayed for me... God said to me "Through Ps Bel, I told you that I love you, and I am pleased with you. And I still am. Because you are my son." You can already imagine the tears that follow.

After that was lunch, Joel came down!! Haha... as did Biling and Ps Jimmy, and we enjoyed chatting to our spiritual father... The two sessions that followed were pretty significant... the redemption plan, and tearing up my sin list and nailing it to the cross. It took me some time to tear up my sin list, but in the end, I told myself I will leave everything in God's hands, and by faith, I will take that leap forward. And from then on, I felt at ease and peaceful about everything... And after that, we went off to play soccer, and I played keeper... and even assisted in a goal! Haha.. then I went to bathe, and then dinner... before the heartbreaking session.

We had the lesson on the ministry of the cross after dinner, and well, it was something... definitely. They showed us a clip on "Passion of Christ" and it was a music video for this song... I started crying, and we all knelt down after the first screening, and they kept replaying it. I never looked at the clip again, but in my mind was etched the scene of the cruxifixtion. And the song... the lyrics... cut deep into my heart... so so deep... it was heartwrenching, and I found myself crying even harder that my nose completely blocked, breathing became difficult, my ear became blocked, and all I remember thinking and crying to God was "Please, let it stop." And God told me gently "This was what my son did for salvation... this feeling you feel, don't ever forget it. That is was Jesus who died on the cross for you." Imagine the tears...

After that, I had a heart to heart talk with Victor Sim about encounter and life in general... It was a really good talk.. we shared about VJC, his past encounters with church, and FCBC in general for about an hour plus... I really enjoyed sharing with him.

The morning opened with area cleaning of some sort, and then after that, breakfast, where Yew Fie asked us each for our evaluation... and he gave us each some pointers... then we went for our first session. The only 2 people who didn't go down to speak to our guides were me and Victor Sim... what I did was kneel down in front and have a conversation with God after stoning at my seat for a while. It felt awfully good... then I prayed for Victor Ong when he returned.

After that, we had a break, and then Ps Seng Lee came to share with us on the Holy Spirit. I quite enjoyed his presentation, and after that, he got all of us to pray in tongues, which I did... and then following that, he called the Holy Spirit to come unto us. The first time he did it, I felt nothing, and started peeking around to see what was going on. I saw a couple of people around me who had fell to the ground, and I was like "I'll pray." I prayed... very hard, for God. I kept saying "God, I know You're there... Touch me." And then Ps Seng Lee asked the Holy Spirit to touch us in a gentle way, and I felt something stir inside of me. Suddenly, I started moving from side to side... I was... dancing... yes... I was dancing... and soon, I was just letting go in the small space I was confined to... then Ps Seng Lee went around praying for us. And he placed his hand on my chest and said "More freedom! More freedom!" And I started shaking more vigorously, then suddenly, he snapped his fingers and said "Fall." A peace came over me, and I dunno what happened next... I believe I was on the floor, cause when my eyes opened a fraction, I could see people standing above me.

I closed my eyes again, and prayed to God... I was still "vibrating", but at a lower frequency, and then, a peace came over me, and I calmed down and stopped shaking... but instead, felt my heart growing warmer and warmer... and I placed my hand over my heart... and I felt the Lord tell me "I'm healing your heart... After today, go forth and receive the love that you are deserving of. Your heart will be more sensitive to the needs of others, and more importantly, to me." And I felt very very blessed... when I sat up moments later, I was in a daze... but in a good way. After that, I found out that God had made Victor Sim laugh uncontrollably. And then, Victor Ong joined us, and we knelt down, held hands and started praying... My prayers came in 2 waves, and then gave Victor Sim the opportunity to close it all off... We felt very euphoric after that... and well.... I personally felt very blessed. And then I was given the opportunity to say grace... Quite touched.

The last two session on water baptism and the vision, they spoke to me loads. My apprehension on water baptism was surfaced, and I knew that God was touching me on that... I guess that I do want to be baptised as well, but I'm afraid cause I will still need to partake in the chinese funerals also... but I'm going to trust God and bide in His time... and listen to Him. And thus, I stood up, and acknowledged to God that "Yes, I want to be baptised."

When camp ended, we all agreed to go for post-encounter together, and I left with a very light heart, and a new outlook on the World. That night, we went for dinner at Jack's place to celebrate sis's birthday? And we started talking about the story of Jacob in the bible... and it was the first time that I ever discussed the bible openly in front of my family, Praise God!

Today, I just apologised to Shi Ying, my ex, about our r/s. I apologised for not having fulfilled my responsibilities as a bf then, and for not having kept to the promises I made her, and most importantly, for not being the bf that she expected me to be... I think that God is really touching me, because previously I never was open about discussing our relationship, but I confessed freely my flaws to Joel and Edrei, and finally mustered enough courage to apologise to Shi Ying as well. And I think that God answered my prayers when Shi Ying told me that she never blamed me, and that she forgives me... I feel very liberated at the moment... and thankful. I never knew that I was carrying such a heavy burden all this while.

Thank God for everything that has happened... He is really almighty!

YEP is coming soon, and I depart come Thurs night. To all the people who have finished their exams, congratulations! Go have fun and enjoy whatever time you have!

To God be the Glory!

Ivan & Allison - HIP HOP / RnB

Hey... take a look at this... this is really really good... I'm impressed... anybody wants to go for Hip Hop class?

Dear Mandy,

Well, the way that I see it, I've got a fair bit of reflection and meditation to do, and I'm honestly looking forward to Encounter Weekend. To my own personal walk with God, and I believe to a certain extent, discover more about myself... my soul, and my heart... and what kind of a person I actually am. And, well, from there, I sincerely believe I'll benefit from everything.

On a separate note, I'm getting kinda worried, because I suddenly can't seem to feel. I'm sort of like reverting back to the days of speaking off the top of my mind, and well, after Gayne's e-mail about reflecting and everything, it sort of affected me to some extent, that much is certain. But of course, I'm still thankful for the openness that we share in our friendship, and perhaps, we're still searching for a foothold to be secure on. I'll take these few days while praying to reflect and meditate on it... and I know that God will be there for me, and He will show the way. I know that He is approving of our friendship, but He's telling me through Gayne that we need to reflect on it to make it stronger, and also, perhaps, to draw clearly the boundaries of our friendship.

I've been thinking a lot lately, about the different types of leadership that people portray, and well, I must say that I'm beginning to find that everyone's style has it's impacts, but I admire those who are easily adaptable... those who can work with almost anybody, and lead almost anybody... I wonder what kind of leadership people envision me as... So far, I've heard of transactional, laisser0-faire, and one more which I can't remember at the moment, and I'm keen on learning more, and seeing more too.

As I prepare to embark on my hectic December schedule, I'm actually looking forward to it. Something to take my mind off everything so that I actually won't need to think too much and unnecessarily... That's always been my flaw... thinking too much... Abby always scolds me when I do that... haha... yes yes... I know, I know... haha. I will think lesser. :)

I love 20th! Haha... I can't wait for our New Year BBQ, I can't wait for Grace, Jenna and Kristy to come back! Missing u... especially my Sweetie! I've got so much to talk to u! And Kristy mei... and Jenna, and twinnie dahling, and Hui Yi mei... ahhhh... EVERYONE!! I MISS U!

Dear Mandy,

Well, I've been thinking quite a fair bit these last few days, and well, I dunno... It seems to me that I need to really buck up and be more proactive... er... sorry, even more proactive than what I've been so far.

I feel kinda lost. Especially after I realised that I may be unable to make it for the all the remaining choir trainings. It made me think about if I'm leading by example, and everything, despite the fact that technically, it's not really my fault, but I'm trained to believe that as a leader, Command is Total, in the words of the then CPT Ong Wee Kwang, OC, CTW, ETI. I don't know, but I do realise the need to exercise more initiative, to learn everything in the shortest span of time.

Throw in the New Year bash choir... that's another commitment that I have pledged myself to... not saying that it's a chore, though I am kinda unhappy that it's in Redhill, but Rachel's going with me, so yar! Haha... Still not so bad... :P Besides, I believe it's God's will that I partake in this challenge, so there I am! It's not easy... today was the first training session, and I kinda spaced out. They're rushing everything, and it's good and bad, but I'm going to take it optimistically. I believe in the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit...

HAPPY FEET IS REALLY NICE! I think I like musicals... this was really like a musical, and now, I'm dying to watch step up.. but I'll patiently wait for the DVD to appear. Hahha... and of course, the up and coming NINJA TURTLES! Ooh.. can't wait...

Well... I really have found myself increasingly to be short of a mood to blog... so yeah... pardon me for slow entries.

Dear Mandy,

It's been some time, haha... but my life of late really hasn't been anything really interesting. Except for perhaps Monday and Sunday... haha... oh well, but it's only fair that I give an update as I go along, isn't it?

Hmm... on Sunday, I went to church, and church as usual, was enriching and very interesting, this time around. We had befriender training, and well, it seems to me that everything has finally began. Our sub groups had a reallocation, and now, the group under me is really a batch of capable leaders, and the challenge has suddenly become more intense. And I'm looking forward to taking this challenge on. Apart from the fact that I'm working with my old Councillors, Sammie and Lynette, as well as previous OGL, Priscilla, I've also got Vanessa Seow, Dawn, the 2 Stevens and Joel Poon... they're all leaders in their own right, and though I'm apprehensive, I will do my best, with God's grace.

On Monday, I CLEARED UP MY ROOM! Hahaha... Take that! It's so neat now, and I actually have space to do work! Haha... yeah man, so proud of myself... haha... Did it in about 5 hrs plus. Nyeh nyeh nyeh... haha... And I think I'm getting fat, but that's beside the point. Haha...

Then, that night, I went to meet up with my beloved 2oth Councillors! Haha... to0 celebrate Siva and Jacob's upcoming birthdays, we decided to go for dinner... in total, there were 14 of us... Zahida, Kristy P, Sharon, Rachel, Melissa, Sangeeta, Siva, Jacob, Sanjay, Edrei, Sanjee, Deepak, Benny and myself... and we had a blast at Fish and Co... honestly speaking, I do miss 20th a lot a lot, but the fact that all of us are at different crossroads of our lives make it so much more difficult to meet up, and I am reminiscent of our times together. Everyone's growing older... and we're already 20! Haha... I wonder what will happen when we're 30? Who'll get married first, and who'll be first to have kids? Anybody of us will enter politics? Be the next President of Singapore? Any of us becoming millionaires? The future's so ambiguous, and it makes me all the more sad, because the older we go, the further some of us will drift, and soon, we'll be like the 14th Council and above during intra council... a meagre 5 to 8 people... that's awfully sad.

Oh well, sad moments aside, we had a lot of fun. I love you, 20th.

On the way home, Deepak, Edrei and I went home together. Felt just like old times, except this time, Deepak asked me about my involvement with Council. When I said it's only unti 23rd step down, he was like "Confirm? Serious? Because you have to come back to 20th. 20th needs you." I was awfully touched. Haha... oh well... :)

Dear Mandy,

Hey... just wanted to write down my analysis of the 7th Heaven video I posted... been watching it about 7 times, and trying to come to terms as to why God had me watch this video... what could I learn from it? And then today, I went for the leadership briefing for the Christmas at Orchard, and it struck me that what this particular video is trying to tell me is relatively true... let me evaluate.

The "What Ifs"
Rev Camden talked about a lot of what ifs when he was evaluating with Lucy about all the tribulations she was facing. And the two things that I deduced from this is, firstly, we will have many "what ifs" in our lives... and it's up to ourselves to minimise these "what ifs" by being proactive. But that being said, Murphy's Law still retains, and my only prerogative on this is that we need to act more sometimes, instead of talk more.

The second one, which is the one that I feel is the more important one is that, when we get the "what ifs", we should make them optimistic, then work towards them. Thing is, many a time, we always think towards the pessimistic side, and in a subtle note, Rev Camden gently brings Lucy to understand that we can think optimistically, and though he ends off with a harsh note, by telling Lucy that he has all say in church matters, but his point stands strong. That by being optimistic, and working towards that optimistic "what if", we can make a difference.

Characteristics that are important
Lucy proceeds to talk about how she doesn't want Rec Camden to fight battles for her, and that is independence and responsibility broiled into one statement. Responsibility is further enhanced when she affirms that she takes responsibility in talking about her work, and even more so later, when she shows humility in talking about her admitting that she makes mistakes, and shows openness when she says she wants to learn from them. In one speech by Lucy, she emcompassess all these traits that, believe me, are important in everyday life... in work, in school, or even in the relationships that we hold.

Changing the World
Rev Camden talks about change... and how it starts small. Then he also says this "The only way to change the world is to change ourselves and our relationships with the people around us." Let me explain this to you in what I deem it as.

Firstly, a small effort can make a big change. I don't think that man could ever have stepped on the moon if Armstrong hadn't ventured from the spaceship, and then, perhaps, we'd never have been able to hear these words of "It's one small step for men, and one giant leap for mankind." What I'm trying to say is, change doesn't happen just like that. A chinese proverb says that "A journey of a thousand li begins with the first step." So the question is, are you willing enough, daring enough or courageous enough to take that first step and initiate a change?

But similarly, this can only be strengthened with belief... Belief that the change that you want to make can only be for the better good of the people around you, for the improvement of society? Faith can move mountains... couple that with the characteristics that Lucy said, with the positive outlook and the initiative to make that difference... you'll find that you've pretty much got the drive and motivation to go far. But you're not quite there yet.

Appreciation
Rev Camden after saying he believes in changing the world, tells Lucy that he believes in her, and even apologises if he had not told her that of late. Lucy says that he's going to make her cry... now, why did such simple words from Rev Camden cause tears to Lucy? Here's my assessment.

Lucy had been going through a lot of obstacles at the moment, because people seem unappreciative of what she has done, and she's finding it increasingly difficult to solve the problems people bring to her. And in such challenges, it's natural to lose motivation and feel lost and helpless... and that nobody believes in her. Sometimes, we all need affirmation that we're doing well... and that's where showing appreciation is important. Give thanks to the small things done, and always praise a job well done by the people under you, or working with you... it'll encourage them to do better. THat said, do give constructive criticisms to where needs improvement. That's also important, but remember to do it tactfully...

Life is Good
Finally, let me end off with this. Life is good... no matter how dire the consequences, or how tough a challenge, life is good... because we are alive... and we have the opportunity to make a difference, and the choice to choose how we want to live it.

That's my evaluation... I hope it's of some inspiration to you, if you're reading this... :)

Finally, if you're wondering what Vee is congratulating me for, it's the fact I got my license! Haha... and I hope that you people can come for the Christmas at Orchard carolling... It'll really be lots of fun!

Today at the leadership training, I learnt a lot, and felt God's immense love for me... I was left helpless many a time, groping for something, but after Pastor Bel prayed for me... I just felt his love wash over me, and I knew that I'd been 'promoted', and that God was telling me through Pastor Bel that He loves me, and He is pleased with me... they were the affirmations that I had been seeking subconsciously, and I'm looking forward to my tasks... thank you Pastor Bel, thank you Lord.

I'll leave with a quote...it's one that I've always lived with ever since I came across it for my speech during sec 4 farewell...
"To achieve great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only dream, but also believe." -Anatole France

7th Heaven

Hey... here's a video that I think is very good to people who are feeling lost and all... Enjoy!

Dear Mandy...

It's been quite a roller coaster Saturday for me, and one that I'm pretty much surprised that I'm taking it pretty easy... I guess to me, it's becoming more and more like I'm trusting in the Lord with what he plans for me... whether it be taking people or things away from me, or challenges that are laid across my path, I'm actually looking forward, for once...

I mean, let's evaluate my Saturday. I went for a cycling trip at Pulau Ubin with my colleagues from 30SCE... Goo, Kevin, LTA Look, Chang Hong were the only regulars, and we topped up the rest with myself, Zhiyuan, Samuel, Yong Cheng, Ervin and Timothy. It was a really fun thing! What with all the cycling through jungle tracks, and the tedious uphills... Gosh, there was one as steep as the initial slope up to Kent Ridge Park! And that was like 300m at least? A lot of us just decided to hop off and wheel up the bicycle in the end... Of course, the immaculate thrill of cycling downslope, feeling the wind in our hair, and the thrill of the moment just made the trip even more so memorable. Then, while we were looking at the quarry, it had to rain. Here are some of the pictures that we took at the quarry just before it started raining.

Imagine the rush back to the jetty... at full speed, regardless of the condition and the fact that we had raindrops that kept batting against us... we were soaked through, to say the least... and my Ipod kinda got wet cause my whole bag was soaked through and it couldn't on. Sigh... was quite upset, but surprisingly, I took it in good stride. After that, we headed off for lunch at Changi Village before I headed back for home.

I went home and tried to salvage my Ipod, but I guess it was a lost cause to begin with... *Sobz* my beloved Ipod... haha... containing all my songs! Haha... but more importantly, I think that it's salvageable as well. So my battered self and my overly sore thighs compelled me to take a nap before I headed off to GB HQ for the carolling meeting. The carolling meeting was a really good one, and I did enjoy myself to a certain extent... The ice breakers, the worship and praise... and then the briefing on HIGH Standards... I guess they all apply to me in one way or another... but I felt that the meeting was not efficient enough... a lot of things could have been simplified. Oh... I dunno... when the actual brief began, it wasn't all that good either, but I do understand that we're working with limited knowledge of the event itself and under finalisation. It was like a Warning Order kinda thing.

When we broke off under our individual clusters, I was quite glad to be under Ah-Ma! We had a short brief, broke off into our individual clusters and then from there, we decided and clarified things... what I felt was the most meaningful was when we all started to pray together. We prayed for the event, for Feli, for ourselves and for our members... when it was all over, I could feel the Lord's presence residing over us... and it was really really good.

When we left, I went home for dinner... at 2200hrs... haha... so interesting... :P MAN U WON BLACKBURN 1-0 through a LOUIS SAHA GOAL!! Take that! HAhaha...

Lastly... to Gayne, I know what you're saying, and I respect your decision and what you're doing. I know that it's not easy, but don't worry about my side... :) What you're doing is for your own good, just know that you're not alone... if you need me at any time, just holler yar? I'll be there for you. Take care!

Dear Mandy...

Just felt like penning a couple of my thoughts down while I'm at it. Been thinking a lot over these last couple of days... and I realise that I cannot really sit dormant for very long.. it doesn't really feel right... and a couple of things have happened over the last few days, that really have made me quite confused...

What's left of me now, is someone who's seemingly lost. Ever since the rug was pulled out from under me for the VJC relief teaching post, I've been listless and lacking of motivation to do anything. I was really looking forward to getting that post.. it was something I'd always wanted... and to have it blatantly taken away from me just left me hanging... Kinda sapped away my motivation and enthusiasm in all... sadly.

But I promised myself this... this doesn't change what I promised to set out to do. I'll oversee 23rd until the end of their term, meaning when they step down.. and what happens for 24th, will no longer be my problem anymore. It's time to move on, and to start experiencing something new. Someday, I hope to return to VJC to be a member of staff, and I pray fervently that that'll happen. Because... hearing a couple of things from my juniors about how things are being run, and let's just say that I'm quite worried for the immediate future of the Council. Not saying that Mr. Goh's doing a bad job.. I think because of him, that's why 23rd can be progressing well... but what's going to happen after him? That's what I'm worried about.

I'm worried about my own working status as well... as comforting as Mr. Tan YH's words are that I'll definitely find a job is, I'm still apprehensive. It's not easy, I feel... and to have had lived a life whereby all my opportunities were the only things I had to fight for... I had a confirmed status... be it student or NSF, and after that, it was up to me how I wanted to make that stage of my life fruitful and memorable... but that status was there... I believe God has his ways, and that I will find a job soon, but it's in this period of not belonging anywhere that makes things a little off... and weird, to some extent, but I'm hopeful.

Next, I feel like I desperately need to work out. Haha... this entire week... apart from... er... more like apart from nothing, I've just not ran/ played sports or anything!!! Darn! Hahaa... how? I'm going to get fat at this rate! Haha.. In any case, I need to work out, starting from tmr's cycling trip at Ubin, and then, if they're running on Sunday, I'll join in that as well. It's not much, but it's a start.

Next... just received an official arrow from Joel and my Ah-Ma that I'm co-IC of my cell's caroling team... haha... I think it's an interesting arrow! :) I'm rather looking forward to it actually, so yeah... it's be a good experience, but given my commitments in Dec, I'm a bit unsure too.. sigh. But I'll do my best.. turn myself to the Lord for guidance and trust in His plan for me. I believe I got his arrow for a reason, though I'm unsure as to what the reason is, but I'll keep the faith.

I'm thankful still though... for the friends who still trust me. Sanjay, Tryphena, Gayne, Chiew, Vee. Haha... thanks y'all... for everything... I appreciate everything done for me, especially Tryph and Gayne... :) Gayne tried to evaluate me sometime back... and what she told me is very much true... I'm learning to share... learning to talk about myself... but it's still to a certain few only... so that's a new thing that I'm learning...

I've got my driving practical test next Friday... I pray that I'll do well...

Dear Mandy,

As of 6th Nov 2006, I became LTA (NS) Daniel Lim, in other words, Mr. Daniel Lim. ORD LOR! It's so amazing! My journey in the Armed Forces have officially came to a close. And it has been one helluva journey, and one that I won't ever forget.

On the 6th, I collected my PINK IC!!!! Whoo-hoo!! The elation was exhilarating! Following which, Hui Chai and I went to ACJC, him to the gym, and I to find Gwen. The A level period has been really getting to this mei of mine, and she seemed kinda happy to see me. Hahaha... and what was it about Abel's delivery!! So adorable la, this couple.

I went back for the mess BBQ, albeit missing the mess meeting, and the BBQ was a pretty solemn affair... though everyone was still the same, smiling and all, the impending fact that we were going to ORD just seemed to have an impact on everyone... Found out of some politics going on that I'm not comfortable talking about, so yeah... I ended up downing 3 cans of beer, and eating quite a fair bit as well... haha... THen, after that, Ervin, Samuel, myself, Hui Chai and YC were thrown into the tub of ice cold water as an ORD ritual. Gabriel ran all the way to the stadium, but couldn't escape the treatment. While he was bathing, he got bombarded by toilet rolls, tissue paper, detergent, prickly heat powder, talcum powder, shampoo, ice cold water and medicated oil. Haha... and when he thought it was over, we dunked him in ice cold water. Haha...

On Tuesday, unit PRIDE day, was the day that I left camp. And I was honestly quite sad... Haha... saying goodbye to all my colleagues, seeing their faces, just made things kinda difficult... but in the end, the music has to stop, we take a bow, and then we walk away, with our heads held high and holding on to the memories.

I took a nap, only to wake up and call Mrs. Foo, who dropped the bomb that they have hired a teacher to relief teach Chemistry, so my vacancy has been dropped. Imagine the chagrin. I don't really want to go into details, but I spent the whole day at VJC today to settle this problem. I'm thankful for Mrs. Chan, Mr Tan YH and Jancy... especially Jancy for she helped me check with VS and other secondary schools for relief teacher openings.

I must thank Gayne and Chiew... Chiew because she's always been telling me things cause she cares for me. Always telling me to let go of Victoria, go out and try new things... Thanks dear... for always caring...

Gayne... I know that you're always worried that I'll be hurt, and that's why you always make a conscious effort to remind me to do things, but you still respect me enough to leave it to me to make a decision of whether or not I'll take ur advice... I really appreciate that... you're a wonderful friend... and I really am thankful to have someone like you... :)

Dear Mandy...

I managed to complete my online application form. Thank you to the Lord for having instigated me to be proactive and take ownership for what I wanted... and if I wanted to be a relief teacher at VJC and face that new chapter of my life...

I'm praying for the best now... what's left is the finishing of the Thank you cards by Thurs, and then perhaps a present or two... for Lincoln perhaps. Haha... I know God's with me, and it feels great to know He's watching over me.

Whatever happens when I submit the application form this coming Saturday to Jancy will happen. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Dear Mandy...

Wow... It's been quite a week... I think I'm going to have consistent phone calls when I ORD... there's a lot of things that people are uncertain about, so many unfinished business... I get what Gabriel means when he says that he wants to ORD but feels like he also cannot really ORD. It's difficult when we don't have proper understudies, and the fact that our departments are the more active ones; Not a day goes by that we don't face a barrage of e-mails, and rarely do we find a day when we can actually take a breather for more than an hour at a go. But I know it's inevitable... our next chapter awaits us... and for that, I know that it's time to leave.

It's been quite a fulfilling experience in NS... I've benefited, and I've lost as well... I saw a glimpse of reality, and I know that it's a political and dog-eat-dog world out there. I've learnt management skills, I think I can handle more stress now, and I know now how important physical fitness, setting examples and how being meticulous and efficient are two very powerful tools in the working world. I realise that you can be hardworking, but if you don't fight for yourself, the credit still doesn't belong to you. I learnt that no matter what, you still need to take a break now and then... It's definitely possible to be burnt out if you always want to be on top of things... And I think that my brain is quite dead, and I'm not as passionate as I used to be... But I'll try to find back my brain and my passion... they're hiding somewhere, just waiting for that spark.

Till then? I was at service on Sunday, and then the sermon touched me. I know that I need to be a better manager of my life... to drive out procrastination and to face challenges without fear in my life. I prayed to God, and Steven prayed for me as well, and it felt better. I guess slowly? I'm learning that I'm not that strong.. and that it's God's grace that sustains me now... and for my journey ahead, I'll look to Him for strength and encouragement to move on. I know He's there.

Gayne dear, you need to get some rest. I know you'll be reading this, so don't keep saying you've got things to do... DOn't let ur body break down then you realise there's even more things to do... Somethings don't have to be done immediately... so slow down and take a breather.

I'm worried about being Council Teacher... I dunno how to fit in, how to do things... That's always been my flaw... I'll try my best.

Dear Mandy,

I was at VJC yesterday, and I managed to complete the form for the submission for relief teaching. And, I managed to run for the first time in about a month or so... the haze was still quite bad albeit running after the rain had fallen? And I had a really dry throat and inflamed chest or something I had to walk. Sighz... haha...

Then after that, I went to Gayne's house to sit and chat with her and watch her Council movies. I really enjoy that... cause Gayne and I... we don't talk specifically about topics? We just keep shifting from topic to topic comfortably, and well, though there was a certain lull in between, but it's been nice. Met her dad and Jerome again... just lacked meeting Joani. Haha... Hopefully Jerome makes it to VJC then I can be his relief for like half a year or so.. haa.. that'd be cool. And then, I met Gayne's chinchilla!! Haha... Baby's so cute! She posed for me to take her photo before hiding away shyly... Gayne complained saying that Baby never poses for her. Hee... too bad dearie, ur chinchilla luvs me! :p

I went home that day and suddenly got into a very nostalgic mood... I took out my VJC yearbooks and started to flip through them, and quietly absorb the feeling of nostalgia... Specifically, I stopped at a couple of people... Tryphena: cause I miss chatting to her
Chiew: cause she always cares for me
the 20th Students' Council: because because..
Anhua: how can I forget her?
03S13: It wouldn't have been complete if I hadn't looked at my class right?
Maggie: For the good friend that she's been to me
Zhiyuan: Oh.... how to forget that good friend in camp to me?
Venlecia: My zhang men ren lehz... dun see her, she'll kill me!
Sanjiv: Haha... if I see Sanjay, I cannot not see Sanjiv!
the 21st and 22nd SC: My juniors... nuff said.
Shi Ying: For reasons u know.
Ngee Leng: My dearest sister....
Yeow May: My dear sister...
And if I go on, the list would go on quite some distance... I guess I just miss them... a lot. Especially 20th and my study group. Sometimes, I wish I could turn back time... but I guess that's not really possible now, ain't it? Sigh... I was really nostalgic yesterday that I almost got to composing a poem... but I guess I dropped the notion, because nothing I do can turn back time... I only have memories... :)

I bought Ronan Keating's "Bring me home" and I found the lyrics for many songs inside touching and worthwhile... Here's a song that I'd like to dedicate to my friends reading my blog... and if any of my juniors pop by this site as well, well... it's also for you. :)

BRING ME HOME

When you're lost and there's no where to go

And your heart bears a heavy load

Don't give up 'cos you're not alone

Cos' I'm always here to bring you home

You took a chance

You crossed the thin red line

And how every word can seem so unkind

Don't believe you'll ever lose it all

Cos' I'm always here to bring you home

You'll make mistakes

And hearts will break

And tears will always fall

The world is turning and you are learning

What matters most of all

That you are not alone

Now's your time, so go on be free

Don't hold back, be all that you can be

And if you fall, don't fall alone

Cos' I'm always here to bring you home

You'll make mistakes
And hearts will break
And tears will always fall
The world is turning and you are learning
What matters most of all
That you are not alone

When you're lost and there's no where to go
And your heart bears a heavy load
Don't give up 'cos you're not alone
Cos' I'm always here to bring you home

I guess the essence of what I wanna highlight has already been said... I'm still here, if you need somebody... So you'll never really be alone... I know a lot of my friends have been going through difficulties, or are preparing for exams... but please be strong... I'll keep you all in my prayers... :)

Dear Mandy...

It's been 2 weeks... and all I can say is, so much has happened of late, that I find myself exhausted, on the verge of breaking down and crying, and just tempted to throw in the towel and say enough! It's quite sad, given that this happens in camp, and I love my juniors too much to even take up their time to complain to them... oh well, let's date it back to the 12th Oct, Thurs.

That day, I was on leave. And what day is it if I'm on leave and don't get a million and one phone calls from camp? Well, that happened, and I went back to VJC... and it was great! To hang out with 23rd and 22nd, to talk to them, and prepare for the Security Seminar presentation the next day. And also, farewell assembly.. I helped them shift tables and chairs, and just literally enjoyed myself. Then, I met Joel for lunch and to get the new Council tees, which are really nice! Then I went to Parkway to buy Britney's birthday cake, and then went to see Mrs. Chan. And I managed to confirm that I really have a place in VJC next year to teach!I was ecstatic, and celebrated with Shefong and Sean... I left early though, seeing that there was really nothing much I could do, so went home to rest early.

FAREWELL ASSEMBLY AND BRITNEY'S BIRTHDAY!! That was the first thought that came into my mind when I woke up on Friday morning. So I bathed, changed and brought my smartest four as well as my sleepy butt to VJC. Farewell was really nice, and I quite enjoyed the teachers' performance. And then, Mrs. Chan announced her posting out of VJC, and the students were surprised. Then, it was a hilarious performance of a reminisce of Mrs. Chan's last five years, followed by a mad rush to change uniform and go to the PT for the Security Seminar. The Seminar went pretty well, and I subtlely said that I wanted to thank a certain someone amongst the crowd for having baked me brownies... it was Britney. I never really got to thank her for it, so yeah... I thanked her in front of the whole year 1 cohort without revealing it was her, and maintaining eye contact with her in the crowd.

After that, I changed and went off to make Elise and Beertini new black tags, since theirs were spoilt, before I went home for lunch. Haha... following which, I went back to VJC to help with their openhouse prep, and I had a lot a lot of fun just sitting around or jumping around to help them with the odd job.

I met Vanessa that night too... we just sat at the tree house and kept chatting and chatting and chatting... like we were friends that hadn't experience a one year absence... I walked her home that night, and thank you Vee, for the toothbrush and toothpaste... :) That night, me, Meng Siong, Jason, ZB and Jing-Yi stayed over, albeit me, Meng and JY stayed in the tree house on hammocks. It was a really nice place to sleep in, being honest. JY and I chatted till we fell asleep.

Openhouse was on 14th Oct 06, and Meng, JY and I spent the slow morning sitting on the council stairs in a nostalgic mood. We started talking about the lots of things, including the fact that Meng and I were awfully tired... mentally and emotionally weary... and things like whether we have had regrets... I guess everyone will have? But I'm glad that I learnt so much... taking so many things on my shoulders does give me an experience count, but it's still not enough... I guess I just need a break....

I got that "break" soon enough as we started the opening ceremony of Openhouse 2006! And of course, the mass dance! I did all 6, and I believe became a comical sight as there were people trying to film me doing the shoulders for Whiney. But I didn't care. I enjoyed myself at this openhouse... be it scooping ice cream, carrying goodie bags, carrying apple soda bottles, mass dancing, talking to 20th and 19th and 21st, to nursing my 2 erupted blisters and watching the performances... I just relieved every moment...

It was funny that Miss Irene Lim, the new Council teacher asked me if I was an IP Councillor. Beertini, who was beside me, laughed, and Miss Lim's face was so comical when I told her I was year 4. Haha... it's moments like these that make me just... happy to be in VJC... :)

The closing of openhouse was as per normal... mass dance... haha... and then the packing up. I'm so so proud of my dear 23rd Councillors for their resilience in cleaning up and achieving it in such a short time! Then the debrief, and I had to agree that it was a fantastic openhouse... I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride that the Council standards are still high... and then after that, there was a photo taking, before we went to play floorball. IN our tired and weakened state, inevitably, out stamina wasn't the best, but it was good enough to give me a tedious workout.

End of that week, and it saw me transit over to the present week. In camp, I was sent to do war gaming and witnessed first hand how a superior can piss off the entire department in 1 hour. Then on thursday, I was all around, refusing to stay in the office for long, and then, well, I realised just how much S3 can do to piss the whole department off.

I took leave on Friday, and attended Mrs. Chan's farewell assembly. I was decked in the OCS book out attire with the VJC tie, and Miss Tey couldn't recognise me! Haha... I became Mrs. Chan's PA for one day, and she told me that she wishes she could bring me to MOE with her instead. Haha. She got a lot of gifts, and some were really nice... like the personalised goodie bag from the CT Council and SC. After that, I treated Shefong to lunch and Lay Peng to a drink, and then went back home.

And that's my update. End of story. :)

Dear Mandy...

It's been quite a week... and one whereby I've experienced a roller coaster of emotions and well, as well as realising just how difficult it is to juggle everything in my life. I've been stressed, overworked, happy, stunned and a lot more this week, and it ends off with myself realising I desperately need a break off from everything... which I doubt I'm going to get anytime soon as well... sigh...

Well, on Monday, it was a mad rush for the CO Conference which had been shifted over to Tuesday, and checking through the results, as well as the tabulation and linking of the various files to the convening advice just came much easier, thanks to S3 pushing the OCs to send in their slides earlier, so I had a much easier time. MAJ Thomas stopped by to pass us mooncakes, and I'm still surprised by the amount of trust and his belief in my ability is. It's honestly quite heartwarming to know that.... Then I had to prepare the slides for USC as well, so my Monday was basically pretty much a work it out day.

On Tuesday, it was CO Conference, and it went pretty smoothly... I'm quite glad, cause it is my last CO Conference for my term as an NSF. Apart from the fact that suddenly talks of a promotion treat started coming around, and the fact that it was a long discussion of the specialists' roles and stuff like that, it ended off well. USC however, was a separate issue. I highlighted a huge misunderstanding about TAIR, and promptly got CO into a surprise, and then more and more things unravelled as we progressed with it. S3 and I immediately tackled the problem once the meeting was over, only to be relieved to find out we would not be penalised with sending in late TAIRs as our Incidents were not that serious to warrant the 7 days thingy... so I breathed a sigh of relief... but the sad thing is, I'll have to backdate the TAIRs and send in about 10 of them... I'll do them though. Praise God for being with me through this ordeal.

That night, I cycled out for dinner, cause I had stayed in the office to work until 6pm, before watching "She's the Man", a very sweet sweet comedy that I quite liked. I went to draw money, and then went to the hawker centre that Ngee Leng had introduced me to to buy food. I only asked Zhiyuan what he wanted, cause it's been so long since I'd seen him in camp, and I was quite happy that he came back. He's become one of my closest friends around, so yeah! Haa... so amidst prata and noodles, we sat around the round mess table chatting away, and I realise it is something that I, of late, will definitely miss.

Halfway through watching "She's the Man", I received an sms from Esther, and she came down to 30 SCE to pick up Maureen, who was busy, and we ended up chatting about lots of stuff. Hahaha. Esther and Maureen are really nice people to talk to, and I realise that Maureen is someone I'll miss, cause we always have heart to heart talks about the unit and the people we work with, so it's always a refreshing conversation.

Wednesday saw me rushing the CO Conference minutes, before S3 asked me when I ORD... when he found out he had about a month more with me, he told me to drop my work and go for a tea break with him. It became more like an evaluation session about MAJ Thomas and him, but I was honest in telling him that I cannot evaluate much about him cause I had yet to work with him long. And well, in the end, S1 and CPT Pang sat down and the conversation changed, and became less personal. In the afternoon, I went down with S1 and CPT Pang to the Detention Barracks.

The DB is a dreary place that can sap the happiness out of you. It's got so many doors, and such procedures that it really is quite a sad place to be. Apparently people who go in, really lose weight. They become like skin and bones...? And then, the guy I went to conduct an investigation for, was so sad, and I felt for him... when we left, I was still in a daze at how the place was... then we went down to Khatib Bongsu for EX HOTCAKE inspection. It was quite fun, and well, seeing the place brought back so many memories of my cadet term... CO and RSM came down as well, and in the end, I ended up talking to Zhiyuan a lot. Haha... that's the thing.. we can yak about anything under the sun. Nice feeling. Then all 5 of us went for a drink at a coffeeshop before we went back to camp. I went straight to the office to work on the CO COnference minutes, and well, that's that for one day.

Thursday morning saw me and Gabriel going to take SOC. CO and S1 took it as well... I ran, and concentrated really hard on the low wall. After clearing it, I knew I had a chance to pass... so I ran all the way. I scaled the low rope, tapped the bar and whispered "God Bless", ran up the ramp, jumped off and shouted "Praise God!" After that, it was 600m to the end point. I WALKED! Haha... as funny as it sounds, i realised I had some time, so I walked. Gabriel, being Gabriel had been sprinting off since the command to start was given, so he was quite a fair bit in front... but I decided to keep within 50m of him, so I started running again... Gabs passed with a timing of 8.35, and I cleared it with a timing of 9.03. Not bad if I say so myself. I still had energy to walk back to the obstacles and pace CO to the end point. In the end? CO cleared with a timing of 9.54, cause he's CAT Y1, and S1 passed with a timing of 9.24. It was really something to be happy about.

Later, we all went back to camp, and we had a messy breakfast... literally grabbing whatever we had within our reach to eat. Haha... then we went back to the office.. I finished the CO Conference minutes, and then had an impulse to ask my dear sister, Sabbie for dinner to celebrate my passing SOC. Well, I joined 'D' Coy for speed training, and had fun chasing and overtaking them. I was considerably liberated, to be honest, so I'm quite happy.

I met Sabbie for dinner, and I treated her to FIsh and Co. And we just talked like as though there was no tomorrow... there were little pauses, small awkward moments, but overall, I totally enjoyed catching up with Sabbie. We talked about our lives, our feelings, certain people (yes sister, about that guy who stood up ur supper), our past, and some totally random stuff... haha... it's funny... I felt like I was talking to a friend I'm totally close to. I actually started admitting to her my fears... things I'd been keeping to myself for a very very long time... So thank you sister, for everything... you made my clearing of SOC so much sweeter and memorable.

I went back to have this long chat with Maureen over curry puffs and green tea, and it was quite funny. She was like "I think you are stressed. I'm going to conduct an interview for you." Haha... and after which, we went to the mess and I ended up chatting to everyone else... then I went up to bunk to wash up, and slept early, cause I was getting quite tired.

Gabriel's phone alarm went off at 6.15am too, cause he forgot to change it to the normal time, so I ended up teasing him cause I was awakened, and in the end, fell asleep until 7.15am, when I went down for Bn PT. Today's Bn PT was a 3km cadence run, and Hui Chai and I relived our cadet days as we led the Bn in songs. Fun! Hahaha... then after that I went to bathe before I went to the office to settle the WITS project things as well as other things. Then, went for lunch, and 'C' Coy returned from EX HOTCAKE.

We had lunch together, and then after which, watched a really funny show together... haha... then I went back to office to tidy up some things, before I booked out early... and that's where I am now... home... :)

This week... really has been relatively hectic and overwhelming... Many a time I just felt like I needed time off to rest and sleep, but I couldn't because there were just too many things to do... Add on tmr's driving lesson as well as the OVA'S Pierre Rettnam Cup... I'm just hanging on...

Thanks Sabbie, for standing by me and showering me with all the advice... to Gayne, congrats on ending ur promos, REST WELL ok? To Jelli, THE SHIRTS ARE READY!!! Hahaha... our project is going to be completed... yes!

Dear Mandy,

It's CHILDREN'S DAY TODAY!!! And this year, Children's Day was extra more meaningful to me... for a couple of reasons:
1) It was miracle weekend today
2) I managed to meet Ngee Leng today
3) I got promoted today!!
4) 5 more weeks to ORD!!
5) I met the Council guys and we cycled together, making it like a reminiscing trip... we went in a general direction, and made stops to chat... it was good...

But before I go into details about today, allow me first and foremost to cover my week. :)

On Monday, oh darn. I completely cannot remember what happened on Monday. :( Or Tuesday!! Oh my goodness... I just cannot recall what I did... oh.. okok.. I had a pow wow on Monday with S3, and well, I just kinda realised that whoever takes over me will be in for trouble, since technically speaking, he needs to grow into his role- and fast. S3 is really an arrow king... the way he shoots arrows... it's amazing. I sincerely cannot recall what has happened, so I'll just throw in my random thoughts k?

I got appointed as an investigating officer for somebody I totally don't know... and because of that, I have to go down to the DB to record statements, not once, but twice... I'm like -_- lar... As if I don't have enough on my workload to do...? This week I've been trying to rush all the quarterly reports, the Convening Advices, as well as the Dec FOEs, and all these were enought to make my head spin... and now to do an investigation. Sigh.. oh well, since it's already been appointed by CO, I'll just have to do it... I believe God's leaving me a challenge b4 I leave the Force, so I'll just take it in stride..

There was also the soccer semi finals against 40 SAR, who had 8 SAFSA Soccer players, and a player/coach in Keng Yang! So, naturally, we got thrashed quite badly... 6 - 0... and well, along the way, I got plagued by lots and lots of work problems... what with being unable to find a neutral for SOC, as well as Lincoln's ankle giving him problems again... I couldn't really concentrate in the 2nd half, and sadly, I was just... struggling to play by then...

We went back to camp for CO Evening, only for myself to realise that by the time we changed and went to the MPH, the event was already over, and the soccer team were like vultures; foraging for food like scavengers... It was a sorry sight to a sorry game. I know that we didn't feel like we lost very badly, because we played our best, but it just wasn't good enough? But the way we had to rush to pick food really made us look like some sorry party... and I felt really upset.

Come Thursday, I set my motive to clear SOC.. so Gabs and I went to do combat run, and after that, I just... felt like drinking alcohol... honestly. I just felt overwhelmed by everything, and well, it started after combat run. I just sat there, took off my glasses, and let all the perspiration drip off me.. from my face, my arms... and I realised just how... I dunno how to describe it, but just how out of place and emotionally distraught I was. I went out to get dinner, and I was in the "I'm hyper, but internally struggling to keep sane" mood, and I really wanted to drink that night. Gabs stopped me from doing so, and well, so did Ngee Leng, so I'm thankful for them.

Come Friday was the NE Trip, and I learnt a lot from May, our tour guide for the day. Not only did i visit places I've never been before, I also found myself literally viewing life in the past from so many different aspects. Through reading, through visual, through hearing, and I really am thankful for life now. Of course, being officers, we were unable to really throw away the roles we had adopted, ending up having to coordinate everything.... sad... And as I was on the way home, I slipped back into that mood again... and I slept quite long... haha... before I smsed Ngee Leng that night to settle the details for the weekend... And that night... I drank... and felt so much better after that...

Saturday was... well, alright... I spend most of it at home... so yup... and my driving wasn't really that fantastic... I need to improve.

Sunday, or rather, today was fun... the cycling with the guys... was really like a trip to catch up. We had so much fun just cycling and chatting... it was a good 1hr 45mins spent... :) After which, we headed off to Pastamania for lunch, and to celebrate my promotion, I had to treat the guys $4 each. How interesting right? Hahah..

On the taxi ride to Expo, I had an interesting conversation with the driver of the Mercedes Taxi. Hahahhahaha... so fun. Hhaha... anywayz, after that I MET NGEE LENG FOR SERVICE!! Haha.. it's her first time since a looong time... so yeah, I am so happy she came. She's always been a close friend to me, so I treasure whatever time I can have with her... :) She's always been so busy.. I'm just glad I had the chance.. I hope she's happy with the things I got for her.

That's probably it for the week... I'm going to book in now... take care... :)

Dear Mandy...

Well, it's been a week, and the closing stages of the week were really just making me quite emotional and sensitive to many many things.

Monday kickstarted with a relatively slow day in the office... wait... was it slow? Darn... my memory's failing me. Yeah, I believe I was fighting fire in the office, and S3 came back to the office. It's nice to see him, since he's still a friend, and well, I rushed the CO Conference minutes. I did it until I was so blur, that when CPT Pang called me, I totally couldn't comprehend whatever he was saying... that was quite bad, actually... and it didn't help when the minutes I had saved disappeared... I got quite unhappy, but well, it wouldn't solve anything, so after lunch, I went to play Inter-Unit against 3 Div Arty... thankfully we won 3-2, after a close showdown, and I went back to working at the office for CO Conference, and I just totally worked until i started getting dizzy spells. Haha... and till then, I had only hit Page 9 of the minutes... achievement! Haha...

After that, I cycled out to get supper, and well, I must say that it is a good deal... I was back within 15 minutes, thanks to Ngee Leng showing me this new coffeeshop that's awfully near by! Hahaha... Quite nice... then we all sat outside the mess, just eating and chatting, so yup. I know I'll definitely miss these sort of days... Where a group of guys can just sit around and chat about absolutely anything... :)

Tuesday saw me completing the CO Conference minutes, and also complete the reports, and that was before I found out that S3's wife was going to give birth! Haha... a new life, means something to be happy about. :) So yep, the mood was pretty high, actually... then well, we decided to buy something for the baby, and get a card... :) That was pretty much my day... then after dinner, I went back to bunk to work on the script for submission to Hui Wen for vetting. That honestly took me quite some time... I only managed to finish it at about 8 plus, 9. And by then Chai, YC and Kenneth had returned from dinner with Lam and they were going to try popping corn. Haha... So we had fun for about 45 minutes, trying to make salted and sweet popcorn, before I decided it wasn't my cup of tea, and went back to the office to send the script as well as clear a bit of e-mail.

On Wednesday, it all began. I had to find a conducting for SOC, and then this huge fiasco between CPT Pang, myself, YC, S4, Kenneth and CPT Ricky about who should conduct and what not. THen, I found ZF to conduct, and CPT Ricky said that ZF cannot conduct... he told me it's cause he had soccer commitment, but in truth, he wants him to run. So Kenneth had to conduct it, and then, Kenneth asked me to be safety Officer. I said ok. THen, I received an sms from CPT Pang, asking if I'd cleared SOC yet, and that CPT Ricky wants me to take. Almost immediately, I felt indignant. All this while, he kept hinting about my SOC, and everything that I felt really unhappy. He's not my boss, I'm letting go of my off to do work in the Bn, and now the one thing I wanted to be a rebel for, he won't let me be. It was worse when Kenneth went to find him to sign the AI, he immediately asked why was I the safety officer, and if he could find a safety officer, then I have to take SOC. I was like "Eh?"

That night, Gabs and I cycled out to get dinner, and well, I took it as something to take my mind off everything that had been happening. Well, cycling back with LOTS OF FOOD was a challenge I found interesting, and well, Gabs and I ordered quite a fair share of food.. haha...nothing like food to take ur mind of stuff... then after that, we watched a movie!! Hah.. but that night, I started thinking of ways to torture CPT Ricky. Not good... sigh.

Thurs saw me conduct SOC and having fun playing around. The fact I had to neutral for 90 plus people from 3SIG made me glad cause I could delay time to go back to office... and when I did, it was to fight fires, which is something I do oh so daily in the office. So after fighting and putting out the fires, it was another inter unit game. This one, we lost, but the poor refereeing and the dirty ways that our challengers used only served to make us frustrated. Sigh, and it didn't help when our captain was confronted by the referee's senior office, CPT Ricky stood around and said nothing. I got so pissed I just left in his face. Nothing for me to stay for.

Then I went off for the OVA meeting. We had the AAR for VS130, and it was really a success... A lot of good comments flowed in from the people who attended, and even the President enjoyed it. That was, until suddenly, everyone agreed I should organise the next dinner. -_- Imagine my shock and surprise. These are guys who've organised so many bigger things, and yet, they choose me. It's a lot of work, no doubt, but in the end, I guess it's one last project for me before I embark for Uni, but it seems to me that they don't want to allow me to step down from the OVA Managment Council when I enter Uni... It left me really lost. And then along the way back, I used the time to reflect, and i felt overused... and insignificant... and well, I just couldn't shake that feeling off. I reached camp, and it was quite evident I was affected, cause even my superiors asked what's wrong with me... and I guess all I could say was I'm tired. They took it as physically, but I guess it's more mentally and emotionally than anything else. I smsed Ngee Leng to ask if she's free to talk, she said she's out but she'd call me later, quite late. So I waited... only to have her sms at about 9 plus that she's going to play games with her hall people and can't call me. Another person too, didn't call me back, so I just waited pointlessly for I guess, in some sense, empty promises.

Friday saw the morning kickstart with USC meeting, and I accumulated a list of to do items, and well, i enjoyed myself trying to write a story during the meeting. Couldn't finish it though, but it's a start still. After USC, Gabs and I prepared for the Bn Outcamp Run at Kent Ridge Park... Gabs told me something that I really was quite touched by... he's glad I'm the safety cause he knows I'm dependable and efficient and get the job done. Quite touched by those comments. The Outcamp run was quite a joke, and fun, but tiring cause it was upslope and downslope and what nots, and I cycled out of the park to walk up a gradient of about 70 degrees... not fun. But everyone had fun with it, and so I'm glad...

Then I came back to camp, bathed, changed and left camp.

But this week, I guess my personal take is, I have good friends around. It's just of late, certain people whom I used to be really close with, I just can't open up to them. I don't feel comfortable sharing my problems and fears with them, and it's sad, yet scary... of course, Abby is one rare exception, and Gayne another, but it's funny how I don't turn to the others anymore... I guess that's just life... as I grow older, I realise who are my truest friends... people like Tryph I'd open up to, and also, Dommy too. So well, that's that.

Tryph told me that man in general, disappoint. It's quite true to a certain extent... we cannot hold high expectations on the people around us... not everyone will meet them, and when they don't we get hurt. And Tryph, I could sense, really cares for me, and I'm touched by that. I told her, that I don't want to be one of those who disappoint, that's why I work so hard and am willing to take the effort to be there for my friends, hoping that in return I get a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on when I need it. And I'm willing to hurt when they can't offer it, and forgive the next day... And Tryph told me I'd get hurt along the way, but I'll prob forge good friendships... Well, I found a good friend in Tryph now, didn't I? :)

Well, that's my take this week... what's yours?

Dear Mandy,

It's been a while, and all this time, I've been thinking on and off about a lot of stuff... Good ones as well as not so good ones, and it's becoming increasingly difficult to differentiate what exactly it is I'm thinking about, or what direction God is leading me towards.

Well, first and foremost, I was put to the hardwire last sunday when I had to have dinner with my granduncle. He started talking about me signing on, and well, I explained my rationale as to why I don't want to, and we got into an amicable argument about the teaching vs the armed forces. So yeah, the argument got quite heated, but I was still calm, just a bit passionate in my explanations. But then, I guess he sensed he was losing the verbal battle, so he threw me a curveball by asking "You're so small sized, who would respect you?" Imagine the chagrin... That really got me worked up... What has size gotta do with respect? I believe that what I do, and how I carry myself earns me the respect of others, more so than my size... I really blasted him back... I guess I got kinda sick of him always putting me down that I just retorted back lots of stuff. I was quite glad that dinner was almost ending when that happened... I dunno how I would have handled the fueling anger that I had not felt for a very very long time...

Well, camp this last week has been very very slow... thus it gave me quite a bit of space to do my thinking and catch up on sleep...! Haha... but seriously, as S3 returns to the office as of Monday, I honestly am quite worried. Of late, I find myself uncomfortable with looking for superiors to approve things, and I start wishing that I could just do things my way. It's not right, definitely, and I know that it's somthing I have to curb, but for once, I just wish I had that autonomy to do so. It's quite funny? Cause I feel like I'm like a kadult again. I have to do a lot of work cause my job calls for it? And yet, I don't have the freedom to make certain decisions as I'd like. I'm actually thankful this journey is coming to an end, and I'll need, very soon, to start making preparations for the next up and coming part of my life.

Well, I went up to NTU twice this week. Once was when I met Abby for dinner at JP before I went up to her room (It's really nice when u live by urself there... everything's all urs!) and then went to find Meng Kit to get some photos from him. And well, I really missed having him and JR around. MK and his outgoing nature can really make me at ease and know that I'm not alone when I wanna just talk crap. And JR? He's always been a joker, but it's his jokes that can brighten an otherwise dreary day... I'm still thankful I have ZY, Gabs, Samuel and a few others in camp, but it really isn't when I spend time alone with them that I realise that they are people I truly miss.

I was happier when I went up on Wednesday night to find Ngee Leng, even if it was only for a little while. I truly truly enjoy her company, even if it meant 15 minutes NTM, and then only 30 minutes of time with each other, it still means a lot because we tried to make the most of the entire 30 mins... I guess what I'm trying to say is, I just miss spending time with her... because whenever we meet, we just talk about things.. and we don't have to find topics... we just... talk. Haha... she's one of the rare few that I can do that with...

Then, the BBQ on Thursday! Haha... I got high and childish and all that day! Haha... I had fun cooking, and running about in the rain? It's still one of my favourite things to do... getting drenched in the rain... but this time, I was cooking while getting drenched, which in all honesty is double the fun! Of course after that, I was soaked, to say the least, but then the karaoke, the wonderful food, and all the chit chat sessions that we had were really memorable in their own right. It just makes me thankful to God for having brought such a session in my closing days as an NSF, to know that I have good friends in NS, and the memories I've forged.

On Friday was CO Conference and CO Parade... and it was another wet day. We had the parade in the rain, and we were all dripping wet... then I noticed YC was doing a Michael Jackson in Smooth Criminal as he was leaning forward a little too much. Then I held his hand, and he suddenly went all shakey. Ting Ji quickly supported him with one hand, and I moved in the file to hold him as he was about to collapse, and then he went all limp on me. He totally blacked out! We got him to squat down and we took off his beret before the medic came to get him out. Then there was the march past, and it was hilarious! Hahah... I couldn't stop laughing at the end! CO Conference was after that, and it was one of the faster ones by far, following which was the ranking exercise, which I play no part in, and then book out. But before I left, I found out that I HAD CLEARED MY PKE!!! YES!!! I am on CLOUD 9!! Haha.. yeah man!

Yesterday saw me going to cell, where Joel talked about how we should treat members of the opp gender... the two main points, about consistency in actions and to check our actions, really reminded me of the need to rethink about my actions... so far, it's been ok, but I know I need to keep myself in check. I'm moving on to a new environment, where thankfully, not a lot of people know who I am.. I'm looking forward to a clean start and a new beginning.

That night, I went to NUS Cultural Centre for the Arts for Hui Zhi's performance with the NUS Dance Ensemble... Entitled "The Next Wave", I enjoyed myself throughly! Haha... I especially liked item 2 as well as the chinese dance. Then, when they did this really romantic dance? Where the guys would lift the girl and carry her around? It was really romantic... yeah... all in all, it was a night I'd remember for a lot of reasons. But what made me happy was the fact I got to meet up with members of the 20th Council. There were Sangeeta, Sanjeewa, Joanna, Deepak, Sharon, ZB, Sanjay, Joel, Sara, Hui Yi, KrisP, Dommy, Hui Zhi and me. We watched the show tgt, then apart from Sanjee, ZB, Sharon and HZ, the remaining 10 of us went for supper at West Coast McDonald's. I was exceptionally happy around them, and it was quite evident.

However, I must say that I love my twinnie darling! I was hyper, but vulnerable, so I just leaned on her shoulder and said I wish I had someone to take care of me. Then she just said she'll take care of me. So nice... then when we were walking out, I said I'd try for KR. Then she stopped and gave me that cheeky look and asked me why I'm not trying for Temasek. Haha.. I just laughed... haha... Thanks Twinnie dear... because even when I'm hiding my real feelings behind my facade, it's always just a few words from u and a simple hug that can make me feel a lot a lot better. Thank u.

Today, I went to run Terry Fox run, 9km. I covered it in 47 minutes... the route at Sentosa was not as fun as the AHM one, neither was the safety coverage as apt, but as it was to raise funds for Cancer research, I'm not complaining. I was glad I ran with a group of close friends... Sanjay, Sanjiv, Sanjee, David and Edrei... 6 guys, 9km, a good brunch. Of course, Michelle, Audrey and Joel were there as well, but all in all, I think it's a good cause, and a memorable event.

Sad thing was, cause I'd been drenched 3 days in a row and insufficient rest, I became under the weather, and couldn't go to church, though I was looking forward to going... I ended up sleeping, and when I woke up, imagine how stunned I was that I'd slept for 5 hrs... whoo hoo... And that's my day today.

I'd just wanna say a few thank yous. Firstly to Gayne, for trusting me with her emotions and experiences, and for giving me the avenue to turn to when I need someone to talk to. Then, to Maggie, that she takes time to talk to me despite being tired with helping out in IMF. Then, to Jaime, for always trying to catch up with me. Then to the 20th SC... I just love u guys. And lastly, to Ngee Leng... thank you for being just you... :)

Dear Mandy...

Today was a blast! Haha... the event went successfully, and I'm glad that everything went well. I enjoyed the organisation and the coordination and everything, and despite being tired and hardly getting anything to eat, I still found a sense of satisfaction at what I had achieved with the help of so many people, and that all the months of hard work achieved fruition.

The day began, for me, at about 9.30am when I reached VS. By then the tentage and everything was already up, and the stage as well, as well as some of the tables, and my goodness! It looked so grand and majestic, that I myself was shocked... It seemed Godsent that everything was falling in nicely to begin with... so me and Zhiyuan decided to go and brainstorm and do a final coordination for everything else. We got the go ahead from Vernon, and everything began. The update of the cue sheet, the shifting of events, the Master of Ceremony script. Everything started to formulate and take shape. And yet, we were pressed for time... we rushed, but was unable to meet the 2pm timing... so we took a gamble. Zhiyuan went to the field first while I attempted to complete the MC script, and print it by 2.15pm. So imagine how surprised I was when I stepped out of the PE Dept, just to receive a call from Wan Yoong that the VJC Dance Club had just reached the school gate! Hahaha... so I brought them in and gave them a bit of time to get used to the stage, then down came VS CO and VSCB, and the choir then took the stage for their rehearsals while I got the Dancers to their classroom to rest.

The real dry run started, and that was when the mayhem began. The miscommunications, the mishaps and the lack of familiarity with the ground resulted in many delays and both Zhiyuan and I were troubled with certain timing requirements and some technical difficulties. Nothing that serious that we couldn't solve though, but we showed them we meant business despite being nice seniors with jobscopes too big for our own heads. VSCO had a bit of problems with the setting up of the chairs, and the presentation side was not prepared... and more mishaps came along the way... the possibility of modifying the number of projector screens, to the registration table problems all crept slowly up, but well, thank you Mr. Sng for settling the registration for me, and also to Zhiyuan for patiently settling the VSCO and the presentation problems while I was stressing about other stuff. Gautem was a very good MC, and he is so automatic! Haha...he has a lot of initiative, and for that, I'm thankful. Firdaus, the head prefect, is a good choice... he's calm, well mannered, and he brought stability to an otherwise last minute preparation.

Then, me and Zhiyuan took 10 minutes to rush off, but before that, I met Mrs Chan, who stopped me and told me she needed me next year. I thought it was for the SQC, so I asked her so. But she gave me the most wonderful news I had heard for the entire night!
"I want you to be the relief Council Teacher in charge"
I was literally over the moon... I had renewed vigour to go and do the fastest 3 minute bath with Zhiyuan and a 2 minute touch up on my hair and shave... it was a really demanding time, but we had fun out of it... and as I prepared myself for the real event, somehow, I felt that things were going to be alright.

So I headed out, and had to immediately settle some things about the plaques as well as the gift to the President, before I realised that things were happening on their own... it was a very nice feeling as I mingled with the crowd, chit chatting with people, and caught up with old friends. Then, the President came, and that's when the fun started. The rushing and the arrangement of the performances, and the cues and everything, as well as the last minute information and cues to handle... everything came on like a barrage of water when the dam's doors were just opened, and the thing is, Zhiyuan and I just let it come. It felt really good. I felt like I was on top of things, and everything just went smoothly... until we called the President on stage.

I became a one man show on stage trying to settle the movement of the prize tables and the prizes, as well as the cheque and the gift to the President. But through it all, it was heartening to know that Mrs. Chan kept saying I did a good job as I passed the gifts over to Mr. Low or Ser Luck. I dunno... but the mishap came when there was a lull with the photo taking, and the toast... but everything worked out fine as we did the toast at the table, and we distributed the cake, to good effect.

Well, after the dance club's item, I realised I had some free time, but that was before Zhiyuan and I were hit with the need to prolong time as the dishes were coming too slowly. So the band agreed to play all 7 pieces, and I went about to finally chat with people, and catch up with certain teachers as well. Mr. Maran, Miss Kong, Miss. Loh and a few others as well. MAJ Poh is so cool too! Haha... so helpful and everything, and the President has his own sense of humour too!

I enjoyed 23rd SC's company, and I honestly realised that I'm quite close to a few of them as well. Quite interesting, actually. Considering everything... along the way, we had to push the caterer to speed up the dishes, and soon, we were singing the Victorian Anthem. I was given the honour of leading everyone there in the anthem... I felt so proud of it... honest... It's an honour... a very big one... and one I hope I lived up to...

At the end of the event, I thanked everyone who had helped me in this process... VS 130 was a success.. and one that I myself am glad that I managed to be part of... It was a lot of work, a lot of preparation, and a lot of build up, but it was worth it, nonetheless, despite the grievances and disagreements that came along with it... it has paid off...

Victoria, thy sons are we, and we will not forget...
Victoria, thy triumphs see and Victories we share yet...

For others came before and went
And carried to the World
Victoria's fame and our intent
to Keep Her Flag Unfurled....

I'll always remember... Nil Sine Labore

Dear Mandy,

As I sit before you, typing this, I'm filled with this sense of anticipation that something good is going to happen. But as is God's way of doing things, we always have to work hard (very hard sometimes) to taste the fruits of our labour, so I guess that's what it's all about. The VS130 dinner, to be held tomorrow is still entailing a lot of work, but after yesterday's meeting, I have this feeling of anticipation for tmr, and I'm looking forward to it!

But before I move into that, I ought to cover the past first! Hahaha... well, basically, the highlight of last weekend must have been AHM 2006. I RAN 21KM!! Take that! I covered it in about 2hr 8mins, and that is, to me, quite an achievement, considering my knees started cramping when I reached Cantonment Ave... grrr... and I got a medal. But after that, I was so tired, and my knees were so cramped, I could hardly stand! Haha... then after that I waited for my cell group... saw Sanjay, David, Sanjee and a whole lot of other people like Santosh and Lucas Tan... but for me, the best person I saw was Anhua... it was so nice to see her! Gosh... haha... we chatted for a while... then after that, my cell group came running in in groups... Emily, Audrey, Michelle, Rachel, Lynette, Pris, Biling, Felicia and 2 other people whose names I just dunno how to spell. :S We headed over to Burger King later for lunch, before we split to our separate ways to go home to change before we went for church... Service that day was very different... honestly, very different.. they sang one of my favourite songs... "Amazing", and that day, the focus was on renewing our faith with God... to acknowledge him, and to submit ourselves unto him... we sang three songs... of which, "Take me deeper" stayed with me the most... When service ended, I had a chat with Victor, Audrey and Michelle.... so I made new friends that day.

The week generally was quite slow, except for the fact that I had to do last minute DOO on Tuesday due to administrative lapses, and I was quite unhappy initially, but I just let it pass... I guess that God's telling me that I need to suffer to enjoy, as what Pastor Khong told us as well... I had a relatively interesting night as DOO though... Hari and I chatted till quite late, then open armskote... then sleep in for a while before I went to office to settle some things and head home.

I rested for a while at home before I headed down to VS to do a little updates on the tables and also a couple of things for the VS 130 dinner... realised then and there that there were a couple of things we needed to tie down for the dinner... and well, also a couple of things that I needed to take note of as well. Then I went over to VJC to collect some money for an extra table, before I joined the 23rds for mass dance session. Their mass dance, though leaving much to be desired, but their enthusiasm is something optimistic from their dancing, so I can only pray that they convert that enthusiasm into learning their dancing so they can improve. It's something I feel a Councillor must excel in, so yeah... if not, when they hand over to their juniors, they won't be handing over the proper everything.

Of course, they played Captain's ball after that, but when the game ended, Deborah... well, Deborah, in her own words, suffered a b**** fit. And Britney and a few others tried to console her. Of course, nothing cheers people up than food... and if it's not chocolate, I guess, for Deborah, banana milkshake comes a close second... Britney had a carrot apple, Marc had a watermelon, and I, as always, chose the honeydew. Then we went to the hall to help CT Council with their preparation for Teacher's Day. I had fun watching the PE Dept play the other teachers... and I tried to study for my PKE. After helping CT Council, I mananged to cram in 4 pages of PKE, before I left for home. All in all, I had fun as always in VJC...

Thursday morning saw me wake up late, and try to rush in a few extra pages of PKE, before I went for PKE... Imagine how stunned I was when I saw the question on bridging site organisation... the paper was definitely AE baised... but well, I guess luckily we had notes on AE, so I managed to pull off some points here and there... after which, I went back to camp to try to settle some work, before I headed off to VS for the meeting.

This meeting was unlike any other... I felt that everything was falling into place... the coord was good, and everything, and we managed to highlight a couple of problems... Ser Luck chaired it well, and everybody was helpful as they tried to contribute here and there, their opinions... It was really much appreciated.. and I must thank Mr. Tan for working so hard for everything.

Friday, which is today, saw me going to my Grandma's house to see my Uncle's newborn baby of 1 month. She exudes the innocence of a child, one that I feel is missing amongst the adults as the intricacies and confusions of life in general consumes us... Oh well... we can't expect the best of everything... so I guess we can only envy the childish tendancies, and be thankful for what we have had...

After that, I went to VJC to settle some things about the dinner tmr, and that's when I made a mistake. I keep forgetting that life outside is different from an army life, where being frank, and transparent is as natural as well, breathing... and I let slip a small piece of information, which upset Britney, and till now, she's still unhappy with me. I guess I can only blame myself for it, and I'm really sorry, Brit...

After that, ZY and I played soccer with the 23rd... and I enjoyed the game throughly. I ran around happily, and sprinted forward and back happily too. I guess I hadn't been relaxing enough... that even something as simple as a 5 on 5 soccer match was stress relieving for myself. ZY and I went down to VS with HQ then, and that's when the surprise came in. We saw the tentage, and discovered some flaws... we saw Mr. Sng and when ZY and I did a little wargaming, we found out so many things that needed to be changed and so many things we failed to pre-empt... it shocked us, really, and we brainstormed for a lot of the solutions, which, thank God came.,

And an hour ago, I was online chatting to Deborah, Gayne, Tryphena and Michelle, and I thank each of them for their kind words and encouragement... And I've been smsing Wan Yoong about the dance performances as well, and I'm quite glad she's so helpful about everything... makes me remember how helpful the Victorians in VJC were with our events and everything... I thank God for blessing me with such good friends and acquaintances.

Lastly, I thank God for Zhiyuan, who's been my support and helping hand for VS 130. I pray that tomorrow, all will go well.

Good night.

Dear Mandy,

What a week!! To say that it was good is totally wrong, and to say that it was super tiring is an understatement. I'm currently very sleepy, tired, and struggling to come to terms with everything that has happened of late, and trying to make some head or tail of why it happened, and why God made the week this way...

Monday and Tuesday were relatively okay... come to think of it, I can't even remember what I did on Monday and Tuesday! Oh dear... I'm beginning to suffer from short term memory? Sigh... oh, I remember on Monday I went for the PKE brief, which was a total waste of time because there didn't seem to be anything being said or revealed, to begin with. After that, I went to pass Gayne her remedied Project Work Written Report at SRJC. It was kinda funny? Haha... my mom drove me there, so these SRJC boys pointed at me and laughed. Then imagine their horror when I got out of the car and walked towards the gate, where they were. Suddenly, they lost their mirth and pretended to look elsewhere. I of course, couldn't be bothered and just walked straight in to find Gayne. When Gayne saw me, it was quite obvious she was happy, and kinda relieved, as I found out later. Then I left for dinner, before I went back to camp to shoot hoops all by myself... kinda liked the feeling though. On Tuesday... we set up the hoop at the basketball court to immediate effect, and good use!

Wednesday was my turn to be the DOO. As is always, a lot of funny funny things happened and I found myself unable to really concentrate on my work.. as sad as it is... so I found myself more often than not being neither here nor there, and just hopping around like a teenybopper with my head chopped off. I got quite stressed, and ended up being a childish DOO who literally got childish. Then I closed the armskotes by 7pm, and had enough time to go and have a chat in the mess before SINGAPORE IDOL! Joakim and Paul gave me headaches, but Jasmine improved quite a fair bit. As is his genre, Jonathan won the night hands down, and Hady gave a fairly good performance. Then I went for staff parade. Shortly after that, I received news that somebody had food poisoning, so what was meant to be an incident-less DOO duty became an incident report night. So after all the hoo hah had been settled, I ended up having to tell Jessamyn the remaining story of "The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks. Kinda miss talking to Jessamyn, but I guess we're both busy with everything to really seriously have a chat, so I guess that's that. I thought that I could sleep after that, but my Training Spec came back to work at midnight and we ended up having a discussion about work until 1am!?!? I was so groggy by the time I got back to the Ops Room next door to sleep, and I had to wake up at 5am to open the armskotes! Talk about lack of sleep!

Thursday saw myself waking up, as said at 5am, to open armskotes... I was sleepy, groggy and was just dragging myself to open them! Talk about a bad morning... luckily for myself, the opening had no problems whatsoever, but after that I was waiting to send the report, and in the end, I ended up concussing until about 7plus! I was so stunned that I quickly got up, sent the report and went to the mess to have a hot drink. I handed over to Mau Mau, and realised that I cannot go to the office this way... I headed back to bunk to sleep for about 2 hrs before I headed back to the office... only to be met by my training spec, who by the way ended up sleeping at his table until the morning, with a couple of bombs that I myself was surprised about. I suddenly realised that he was pushing part of his work onto me to do, and whatever crap he had said about preparing to takeover some of my work because I was going to clear leave is pure bulls**t. I realised that he can't even handle his own work properly, let alone mine on top of that... but I do understand his concern, and appreciate it. But I'm not willing to take the risk and come back from leave only to find out that the amount of work I accumulated is more that what I had originally left. So Thursday saw myself rushing through lots of unfinished stuff, including his work, and then I headed off to VS for the VS130 meeting. Along the way there, I was bombed with calls from my training spec for things that he had expected me to have done and informed... and I'm thinking where has the hierarchy gone wrong, and where was his sense of responsibility? Perhaps he understands that he has incurred the wrath of one officer too many due to his mishaps, but that still isn't the way to go about it.. but I just took it in... nothing much I could do about it.

VS 130 meeting was a short and relatively good one. Mansoor sat in for the meeting, and we managed to make all the major decisions. We came to a conclusion about many things, and I guess I left with a better idea of what I needed to do, and what not. I was tired by the time I reached camp, and after supper, I just went back to the bunk to rest. I had intended to just rest all the way, but I ended up going to my office to type out an e-mail to Vernon to update him on what went on during the meeting. That went on to past midnight, so after my prayers and everything, I slept at about close to 1am.

Friday I woke up for range at about 6am... can just picture a very bleary eyed Daniel dragging himself down to draw arms and go off for range... I got to sleep every now and then during the range, so I caught up on some sleep, and I did promise myself not to pick up phone calls, and I'm proud of myself that I didn't. Anyway, the range went well, and I prayed to God every now and then to bless the conduct of the range and the people taking it so that they may all pass. And it went so smoothly and everything... so thank God!

I decided to stay in camp that night, and ZY, Eugene, Ben, Eddie, Tim, Ervin, Samuel and LTA Look had fun that night with pizza delivery and also a late night gaming session in the mess... it was a night of fun!

As I look back on the week, I realise that there's so much I can improve on, and so much I can do... I just need to work harder... and hope I don't kill myself in the process... take care...

Dear Mandy,

Happy National Day... It's a holiday for some, but not for most... especially if you, like the men of 'D' Company, 30 SCE are involved in the marching contingent of the parade later. It's been so long since I was last involved in a major parade, any my claims to fame happen to be SYF Parade and my own Commissioning Parade. Haha... what's bygone is bygone, in any sense and as I'm writing to you, I realise that I've still got work that I've yet to do.

These last week or so hasn't been anything good, to begin with, what with S3 going on course and dropping majority, if not, ALL of his workload onto the shoulders of Wilson, Lincoln and myself. And, given that CPT Pang has yet to come back from his holiday, it seems like the fort will be held by the three of us once again, except this time around, it's not going to be easy. I find the three of us being stressed out and bogged down by the heresy of everyday fires and stress, and when night comes, it feels like one of the few times that we can actually do work uninterrupted. And it really isn't a good thing... I mean, we're overworking, overstressed, and it doesn't help that not only is our superior new, our subordinates are lacking in something or other. It used to be that coming to office was something that wasn't all that bad? But for some reason, nowadays, coming to office itself is a chore, and there's no longer that kind of happiness of being stressed, but in its place, a desire to be released from the stress. So unlike me... but well, perhaps it's not just me, since Lincoln and Wilson themselves also feel like throwing in the towel.

As for VS 130, I'm feeling bogged down by that as well... let me show you an e-mail I received from a certain someone recently.

"daniel, in future pls provide the necc updates thru me as part of the entire committee. when SL ask for input and updates on programme, i wld like it to be done holistically and not in parts. u are answerable to me and my job is to string together both programme and space requirements. also, i did not request for a detail timeline, i asked that you prepare a detailed timeline for better illustration to the rest of the committee. that is my instructions to you as my sub-com member.
pls give me your updated input ASAP as i am preparing a overall update on programme to the MC.
i must stressed that i am quite surprised that despite we had an internal more than 2-weeks back, you have not done much as instructed by me. with time running out, it seems that we are now being forced into a reactionary mode, something that i dont practice nor appreciate.pls staff me your input i its most accurate form ASAP."

Well, what could I say right? Given that, as in the e-mail, I'm his sub-comm member, so it feels like what I do is not right or at the very least, as what ZY and I have deduced, not making him look good. I don't know... I just feel so irksome when I'm working on this VS130 project, because it dawned on me that it's not something that I enjoy. Granted, I am at fault for some part of it, but well, I don't know anymore, you know? I mean, I used to be happy organising events, despite all the work that came along, as well as all the planning... I don't know... I mean, this is really kinda bad... I need to find back all my passion and enthusiasm for Victoria to begin with, and everything else that earned my my reputation for being an efficient leader. But under Vernon, it seems like he's doubting ZY and my capabilities, and perhaps it's a sign from God that I'm not doing my best and everything, but it just feels so darn infuriating that it's turning out to be this way. And when we requested that someone else do the presentation, he called me up and literally scolded me over the phone. And he made himself seem like a perfect angel, and that everything is all our fault. ZY and I really got pissed off, but in the end, we decided that the dinner is more important, so we'll hold our anger till the event is over, and then after that, I'll never work under him again. That much I promise.

Apart from all these stress, Social Night is over, and it was another event that I felt was helped by God. I mean, the night before the event, we were forced to change venue, as the previous venue at MOX was too expensive, and the sleazy working tactics was too precarious to take it on. In the end, we changed to a KTV Pub along Kampong Bahru road, and the entire cost was like $3000 for free flow of alcohol and free flow of food. So I guess it really was a good deal. The night went well, thanks to Chiew Mei, my date, who was so nice and caring and everything... I also got relatively drunk that night. What with helping Ervin to down his mug of Guiness Stout and Tiger Beer thanks to S2... and in the end, it just feels quite bad. Haha... Thanks to Haowei who drove us back to camp, but that night, I think I asked too many questions to Chiew, Gayne and Maggie... haha...

Intra Council was, all in all, great. I think 23rd are awfully cute! Haha... we played floorball, basketball and soccer from 11am onwards, and my goodness, it was a tiring day! But seeing 19th, and also the huge load of 21st that turned up, was seriously heartening, that is until I counted 20th attendance, and in all, majority of the guys were there. But then again, we only had about 10 plus people. Oh well, it's alright. 23rd is putting in a lot of effort into their prep for Openhouse, so I'm looking forward to seeing them in action. Heard that National Day went smoothly, so great! Hahaha...
All the best, 23rd!

I'm holding on.