Dear Mandy,
It's coming to the end of July already. How fast it seems, and yet so long... I'm at the brink of my National Service tour, and it somehow feels like it couldn't have come any sooner. But despite my grievings about NS, I know that I'll miss the unique mess culture of 30 SCE, and the friends that I've come to enjoy working with, living with and being with in general.
All these aside, the new month seems to be busy and arduous, and there's still the case of my driving test, that I think will come pretty soon, I pray. I really hope I can pass my driving soon, so that I can stop relying on my parents to drive me to and fro from camp and to anywhere else that I need to go. It's been a long learning journey, and I am looking forward to ending it soon...
In camp, though, work seems to be taking it's toll on me. I'm adopting a more relaxed attitude towards my work, doing things at a more slow, and comfortable pace, instead of my usual work until I pengz attitude. Haha... and it has been good, except that I know that deep within, I'm unhappy at myself for not being able to be as committed as I once was... I just hope I find back my tempo, because under MAJ David, it's a new revamp of many procedures and SOP, and though good, is an increasing workload, which I suddenly feel happy to have, and will soon face.
Social Night is coming up... and I'm supposed to extend it to all ladies who are interested in free flow of drinks and free entry into MOX, where we've booked the entire Attic, so it's just that event only. Please contact me if you're interested, so I can tell you the details.
Okayz, so I finally managed to meet up with Maggie on Wednesday, and though the initial reason why we met up was cause I needed to go shopping, but the truth is, I wanted to catch up with her. Haha... so we had this huge hoohah about how MAJ David had a last minute meeting and I left camp an hour late, and how she went to Orchard to do an errand, and how we ended up miscommunicating and I was at City Hall and her at Orchard. It's so funny, coming to think of it now... haha. Then we went to Marina to eat Carl's Jr, and my goodness, the SIZE of the burgers! haha... we spent the rest of the outing there, looking through the pictures Maggie took when she went to LSE, and just catching up on what we've missed out on each other's lives. It's a good session, and after that, I walked her home, and thus ended a memorable night with one of my closest friends.
Recently, I've managed to catch up with Gayne, and her parents are so funny! Haha... and yup, it's still quite amazing how quickly we managed to breach the gap we had of about 2 years of hardly contacting each other to be close friends again. Haha... so interesting right? It's amazing how God works... so much so that I feel like everything is already mapped out, but how well we achieve our objectives depends on how hard we work for it.
I'll continue to work hard for VS 130 and for work and for my friends... I pray that you all will too.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Dear Mandy,
It's been 3 weeks since I last wrote in. And in this span of 3 weeks, I feel older. Much much older, and in some weird sense, slightly unhappier. Haha... is it always meant to be that weird? I wonder. Because despite having slightly lesser things to do, it seems that the environment I'm in causes me to still be stressed, if not, more stressed than I normally am. Perhaps God is telling me that I'm less busy in work so I have more time to handle the other commitments I have... so I guess that's his idea.
Alright, one thing I was happy about this week was my OFF DAY! Haha... I spent the morning sleeping in, before I went to VS to settle the tentage for VS130. Or rather, show the guy the area and request for his ideas on the tentage. He's a nice guy, and well, I do miss VS as much as I miss VJC... I mean, VS gave me my basic foundation and my character building... It's where I developed my leadership... Oh well, we'll come to that later.
After that, I went back to VJC and played floorball for a while... and then I met YuYun! Haha... my fellow Triton OGL! She's looking really good, and enjoying her education overseas... oh well. Following which, I went off to National Track and Field Championships. But before I entered the stadium, I rushed off for my Department Dinner at Jurong Point Fish and Co, where I had a happy, non work related chat with Lincoln, Daw Rui, Joel and gang. Hahaha... it was a happy occasion. Then, I rushed back to Choa Chu Kang stadium to meet up with 23rd, and well, due to some mess ups, there were only 10 of us there. Me, LuBin, Peizhen, Lay Peng, Shu Hua, Jireh, Terence, Darel, Shu Xie and Nikhil. And we had fun! Haha.. just chatting and cheering, and making fun of the sound systems... It's been too long since I last had that kind of fun... and I miss and crave it.
I realised that for too long, I've been having to keep up this image thing because of my rank, my positions, or just because I'm a leader. I cannot act overly childish and enjoy fun, and I felt stifled. It isn't like VJC... I let myself enjoy my mass dances and cheering.... It isn't like VS, where we are all a bunch of guys just out to have fun, and lead at the same time... and I let myself be carried away with my passion. Perhaps that's why I keep going back... I just can't let go. But I know I will have to do that soon... OVA will soon be my main commitment back to the College and the School... and I'll miss it all.
I wanna cry. Haha... I miss all the times we used to have... and I know deep down inside, that they cannot be sustainable in the long run... so I have been archiving them slowly, but surely in my heart... and that's why I've been distant to people. I don't know what's wrong, but it's perhaps that stage in life when you realise you need to be alone, and you feel better off that way.
I'm still struggling to find my identity, so yeah. I'm learning.
It's been 3 weeks since I last wrote in. And in this span of 3 weeks, I feel older. Much much older, and in some weird sense, slightly unhappier. Haha... is it always meant to be that weird? I wonder. Because despite having slightly lesser things to do, it seems that the environment I'm in causes me to still be stressed, if not, more stressed than I normally am. Perhaps God is telling me that I'm less busy in work so I have more time to handle the other commitments I have... so I guess that's his idea.
Alright, one thing I was happy about this week was my OFF DAY! Haha... I spent the morning sleeping in, before I went to VS to settle the tentage for VS130. Or rather, show the guy the area and request for his ideas on the tentage. He's a nice guy, and well, I do miss VS as much as I miss VJC... I mean, VS gave me my basic foundation and my character building... It's where I developed my leadership... Oh well, we'll come to that later.
After that, I went back to VJC and played floorball for a while... and then I met YuYun! Haha... my fellow Triton OGL! She's looking really good, and enjoying her education overseas... oh well. Following which, I went off to National Track and Field Championships. But before I entered the stadium, I rushed off for my Department Dinner at Jurong Point Fish and Co, where I had a happy, non work related chat with Lincoln, Daw Rui, Joel and gang. Hahaha... it was a happy occasion. Then, I rushed back to Choa Chu Kang stadium to meet up with 23rd, and well, due to some mess ups, there were only 10 of us there. Me, LuBin, Peizhen, Lay Peng, Shu Hua, Jireh, Terence, Darel, Shu Xie and Nikhil. And we had fun! Haha.. just chatting and cheering, and making fun of the sound systems... It's been too long since I last had that kind of fun... and I miss and crave it.
I realised that for too long, I've been having to keep up this image thing because of my rank, my positions, or just because I'm a leader. I cannot act overly childish and enjoy fun, and I felt stifled. It isn't like VJC... I let myself enjoy my mass dances and cheering.... It isn't like VS, where we are all a bunch of guys just out to have fun, and lead at the same time... and I let myself be carried away with my passion. Perhaps that's why I keep going back... I just can't let go. But I know I will have to do that soon... OVA will soon be my main commitment back to the College and the School... and I'll miss it all.
I wanna cry. Haha... I miss all the times we used to have... and I know deep down inside, that they cannot be sustainable in the long run... so I have been archiving them slowly, but surely in my heart... and that's why I've been distant to people. I don't know what's wrong, but it's perhaps that stage in life when you realise you need to be alone, and you feel better off that way.
I'm still struggling to find my identity, so yeah. I'm learning.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Dear Mandy,
Well, it's the end of another week, and I thank God for having brought me through this week. This week has been slightly better than most weeks... and I'll tell you as I go along ok?
Well, on Monday, I sort of developed a slight fever at night, cause I think I've overworked myself and didn't rest enough... so for the most part of it, I thought I was fine, but I had no idea why I felt so lethargic. So after our Field Initiation meeting, I slept, and when I woke up for Mess Initiation rehearsal, I was quite drained... which is something that doesn't happen often... but I just didn't bother abt it.
Of course the next day when we ran 7km, I couldn't even last 3km with my fever, and had to fall out. Felt quite unhappy abt it, but I guess I had to acknowledge it... there would also be a soccer game later too, and I had to go for that if not there wouldn't be enough players... So that was in the morning, and in the afternoon, we headed for the last and final game in the EPL, against RAFT, the leading team and last season's champions. Needless to say, we fielded a team that was quite the joker group, and we just played for fun. Haha... we got trashed 6 - 0. Haaha... and then, I went home!! So nice to go home after work. But I do like staying in camp... when there's actually something to do. So at about 9pm, I set off back to camp, and then spent the night chatting to Celestine and Lee Min... :)
Wednesday was slightly better... I slept a bit longer in cause there was no Bn PT, and managed to drag myself off to work. Work went pretty smoothly, and well, I was looking forward to after work, cause I'd be meeting up with Rachel and helping her move goodie bags in SMU. It was a really good feeling, meeting her and chatting with her... I guess she's still one of the few people who I can just talk about anything on everything. In the midst of shifting goodie bags, Sanjee came to help and the two of us operated like a 2-man section, just walking and working between the two of us felt so much like old times, and I relished that experience once again. I realised in that instant just how much I miss the gang of the motto "Nil Sine Labore", of the Victorian family; VS and VJ alike... Well, in any case, we saw Lauretta and Priscilla Li, and I did enjoy myself, despite aching quite badly after the whole fiasco.
Thursday placed me in quite a frenzy due to the pending Initiation that was coming up on Friday... the day went by, the only highlight being the EX BOLDCASTLE closing ceremony, which the attitudes of certain people turned me off. Later that night, we sat down for a meeting to finalise the details with each other before I left with Hui Chai to get the drinks. Apart from spending close to $85 on the drinks, we had fun buying the ingredients for the Bears' Cove Special. After which I went to OCS to collect Gabriel's uniform and also some much missed food. After which we had to conduct one more Mess Initiation Rehearsal and faced with a couple of attitudes I didn't really like.
That night, I called Maggie... she was busy when I called her, and I waited for about an hour before she called back, and I realised just how much I miss her! We talked for over 2 hours, just catching up on everything... and it dawned on me that I realised and understood a lot from her.
Friday was mess and field initiation. Field was quite bad... but from there, I learnt from LTA Lester Gwee, who showed me determination, and leadership and perseverance... But most importantly, leading by example. I respect him a lot from this field initiation. Of course, the more worrying part for us was Mess Initiation, and for good reason. I had to down 9 mugs of beer within the 3 hours of Initiation, and ended up puking quite badly as well... Ervin downed 11, Timothy, Hui Chai and Zhiyuan downed about 8, and Gabriel down 5, Samuel downed 3.5. It was quite a haul, considering that we are not drinkers and we were below strength.
I got quite drunk that night, but the sad thing was, I welcomed the hazy feelings and the euphoria of the effects of alcohol... I know that there have been a lot on my mind of late, and I had been stressing about a lot of things, so the being drunk took my mind off a lot of these thoughts, and for the first time in a long time, I managed to sms out a couple of hidden fears to a friend. Of course, the headache, queasy feelings and wobbly knees were givens, but I managed to stay awake long enough to watch Gemany win Argentina, before I knocked out in camp.
I woke at about 7 something, but only left camp around 9 plus, for I really felt quite out of sorts, and spent the whole day recuperating today. Other than that, Maggie flies off to LSE for her summer school for 3 weeks, so all the best and enjoy the break!
Well, it's the end of another week, and I thank God for having brought me through this week. This week has been slightly better than most weeks... and I'll tell you as I go along ok?
Well, on Monday, I sort of developed a slight fever at night, cause I think I've overworked myself and didn't rest enough... so for the most part of it, I thought I was fine, but I had no idea why I felt so lethargic. So after our Field Initiation meeting, I slept, and when I woke up for Mess Initiation rehearsal, I was quite drained... which is something that doesn't happen often... but I just didn't bother abt it.
Of course the next day when we ran 7km, I couldn't even last 3km with my fever, and had to fall out. Felt quite unhappy abt it, but I guess I had to acknowledge it... there would also be a soccer game later too, and I had to go for that if not there wouldn't be enough players... So that was in the morning, and in the afternoon, we headed for the last and final game in the EPL, against RAFT, the leading team and last season's champions. Needless to say, we fielded a team that was quite the joker group, and we just played for fun. Haha... we got trashed 6 - 0. Haaha... and then, I went home!! So nice to go home after work. But I do like staying in camp... when there's actually something to do. So at about 9pm, I set off back to camp, and then spent the night chatting to Celestine and Lee Min... :)
Wednesday was slightly better... I slept a bit longer in cause there was no Bn PT, and managed to drag myself off to work. Work went pretty smoothly, and well, I was looking forward to after work, cause I'd be meeting up with Rachel and helping her move goodie bags in SMU. It was a really good feeling, meeting her and chatting with her... I guess she's still one of the few people who I can just talk about anything on everything. In the midst of shifting goodie bags, Sanjee came to help and the two of us operated like a 2-man section, just walking and working between the two of us felt so much like old times, and I relished that experience once again. I realised in that instant just how much I miss the gang of the motto "Nil Sine Labore", of the Victorian family; VS and VJ alike... Well, in any case, we saw Lauretta and Priscilla Li, and I did enjoy myself, despite aching quite badly after the whole fiasco.
Thursday placed me in quite a frenzy due to the pending Initiation that was coming up on Friday... the day went by, the only highlight being the EX BOLDCASTLE closing ceremony, which the attitudes of certain people turned me off. Later that night, we sat down for a meeting to finalise the details with each other before I left with Hui Chai to get the drinks. Apart from spending close to $85 on the drinks, we had fun buying the ingredients for the Bears' Cove Special. After which I went to OCS to collect Gabriel's uniform and also some much missed food. After which we had to conduct one more Mess Initiation Rehearsal and faced with a couple of attitudes I didn't really like.
That night, I called Maggie... she was busy when I called her, and I waited for about an hour before she called back, and I realised just how much I miss her! We talked for over 2 hours, just catching up on everything... and it dawned on me that I realised and understood a lot from her.
Friday was mess and field initiation. Field was quite bad... but from there, I learnt from LTA Lester Gwee, who showed me determination, and leadership and perseverance... But most importantly, leading by example. I respect him a lot from this field initiation. Of course, the more worrying part for us was Mess Initiation, and for good reason. I had to down 9 mugs of beer within the 3 hours of Initiation, and ended up puking quite badly as well... Ervin downed 11, Timothy, Hui Chai and Zhiyuan downed about 8, and Gabriel down 5, Samuel downed 3.5. It was quite a haul, considering that we are not drinkers and we were below strength.
I got quite drunk that night, but the sad thing was, I welcomed the hazy feelings and the euphoria of the effects of alcohol... I know that there have been a lot on my mind of late, and I had been stressing about a lot of things, so the being drunk took my mind off a lot of these thoughts, and for the first time in a long time, I managed to sms out a couple of hidden fears to a friend. Of course, the headache, queasy feelings and wobbly knees were givens, but I managed to stay awake long enough to watch Gemany win Argentina, before I knocked out in camp.
I woke at about 7 something, but only left camp around 9 plus, for I really felt quite out of sorts, and spent the whole day recuperating today. Other than that, Maggie flies off to LSE for her summer school for 3 weeks, so all the best and enjoy the break!
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Dear Mandy,
It's the end of the week, and Germany have advanced to the final 8! GO GERMANY! Haha... Lukas Podolski is really good man! And so is Miroslav Klose! Hahaha... oh boy, though I don't find the time to watch the World Cup, I'm still caught up in the fever of it all!
Alternatively, back in camp this week, the coming Friday will be Field and Mess initiation for the new officers... am I looking forward to it? Not really... why? Cause to date we already owe S2 11 mugs of beer. No joke... and we have one more week to accumulate more... I pray that things will be better and we don't have to clear so many mugs, but I can't control what will come. The 07th batch of Orientation Officers can only reduce the possibility of accumulating the mugs, but even that is still a huge ambiguity.
On a separate note, I went for Serenade 06 at Emmanuel Assembly of God for Gabriel's Concert. To say that it was a hit is out of my reach, but it was a good outreach and a new experience for me, as well as to see Gabriel in a somewhat more spiritual sense... I mean, Gabriel's always been a very religious person, and I respect him for that and go to him for advice with respect to Christianity, but that day, for Serenade... he seemed somewhat more spiritual than before... and it was a really wonderful feeling... :)
Also went for my first cell session, where we were going through this book by Joshua Harris, "Boy meets girl", which is a very interesting book! Haha... and of course, the viewpoints and the sharing that I had with Joel and Randy were very beneficial and enlightening. Specifically, the parts on the 3 tiers of Greek love... The Phelios, Eros and Agape... :) I think that it's very meaningful!
Today, I went to FCBC again, and the attendance today was HUGE! I mean, it was a miracle weekend, but I was so amazed at the attendance! Haha... so cool manz! Han Feng came,and we chatted about OVA, and if anything, I also prayed a word of thanks to God for everything that has happened so far. :) Today's lecture on how a Gentle and Humble heart can heal the heart of three Rs, Rejection, Resentment and Rebellion was something I felt I could relate to quite well... I had fun listening to the sermon, and the stories told today were quite touching as well. I was amused by the transformation of a two coloured piece of Crepe paper turned into a beautiful rose, but understood the underlying meaning of why it was done. I realise I learn something new every service that I have attended... I'm thankful for that.
After service, I stayed to help chalk up 7000 passes with a soccer ball, and even ended up playing soccer with the members of the 4 tribes... Haha... though I'm still a newbie, they still accepted me as one of them, and I felt quite at home despite playing with a group of relative strangers. I guess that's the power of God, for the people I interacted with during the passing, and the power of soccer for the guys and one girl. Hehe... I enjoyed myself today... and I felt less restricted as compared to camp...
S3 has officially flown off to USA, and when he comes back, it would be time for the official handing and taking over of the S3 from MAJ Lim to MAJ David. It is quite sad, seeing MAJ Lim go, but I'm also curious as to how it would be like under MAJ David. So far, he's still relatively new to the job, but he is keen to learn and grow into his role fast, so for that, I'm optimistic of how the office will be under his leadership.
Engineer Premier League will be coming to a close for Bear's Cove as we've lost 2 out of 3 matches already. I'm quite unhappy about the losses, because there were clear cut offside calls, but the referee didn't call them. Whatever in the end, we played our best. But also, when we played our second match, they were really rough and to put it in a sense, unfair. They seemed to like to go for our feet rather than the ball, and they put Ah Hoe out of the game with a sprained ankle, and EC got kicked at twice by two different players. We all got rather unhappy and angry at what happened, and it got to me once when I committed a late tackle on one of them, so I'm kinda unhappy with myself for that, but oh well, it's over already.
To all ex VS guys, OVA is organising a dinner for VS 130th Anniversary on 2nd September at $100 per seat. All interested parties, please e-mail me at daniel@ova.org.sg for more details k?
Take care everyone... love u all.
It's the end of the week, and Germany have advanced to the final 8! GO GERMANY! Haha... Lukas Podolski is really good man! And so is Miroslav Klose! Hahaha... oh boy, though I don't find the time to watch the World Cup, I'm still caught up in the fever of it all!
Alternatively, back in camp this week, the coming Friday will be Field and Mess initiation for the new officers... am I looking forward to it? Not really... why? Cause to date we already owe S2 11 mugs of beer. No joke... and we have one more week to accumulate more... I pray that things will be better and we don't have to clear so many mugs, but I can't control what will come. The 07th batch of Orientation Officers can only reduce the possibility of accumulating the mugs, but even that is still a huge ambiguity.
On a separate note, I went for Serenade 06 at Emmanuel Assembly of God for Gabriel's Concert. To say that it was a hit is out of my reach, but it was a good outreach and a new experience for me, as well as to see Gabriel in a somewhat more spiritual sense... I mean, Gabriel's always been a very religious person, and I respect him for that and go to him for advice with respect to Christianity, but that day, for Serenade... he seemed somewhat more spiritual than before... and it was a really wonderful feeling... :)
Also went for my first cell session, where we were going through this book by Joshua Harris, "Boy meets girl", which is a very interesting book! Haha... and of course, the viewpoints and the sharing that I had with Joel and Randy were very beneficial and enlightening. Specifically, the parts on the 3 tiers of Greek love... The Phelios, Eros and Agape... :) I think that it's very meaningful!
Today, I went to FCBC again, and the attendance today was HUGE! I mean, it was a miracle weekend, but I was so amazed at the attendance! Haha... so cool manz! Han Feng came,and we chatted about OVA, and if anything, I also prayed a word of thanks to God for everything that has happened so far. :) Today's lecture on how a Gentle and Humble heart can heal the heart of three Rs, Rejection, Resentment and Rebellion was something I felt I could relate to quite well... I had fun listening to the sermon, and the stories told today were quite touching as well. I was amused by the transformation of a two coloured piece of Crepe paper turned into a beautiful rose, but understood the underlying meaning of why it was done. I realise I learn something new every service that I have attended... I'm thankful for that.
After service, I stayed to help chalk up 7000 passes with a soccer ball, and even ended up playing soccer with the members of the 4 tribes... Haha... though I'm still a newbie, they still accepted me as one of them, and I felt quite at home despite playing with a group of relative strangers. I guess that's the power of God, for the people I interacted with during the passing, and the power of soccer for the guys and one girl. Hehe... I enjoyed myself today... and I felt less restricted as compared to camp...
S3 has officially flown off to USA, and when he comes back, it would be time for the official handing and taking over of the S3 from MAJ Lim to MAJ David. It is quite sad, seeing MAJ Lim go, but I'm also curious as to how it would be like under MAJ David. So far, he's still relatively new to the job, but he is keen to learn and grow into his role fast, so for that, I'm optimistic of how the office will be under his leadership.
Engineer Premier League will be coming to a close for Bear's Cove as we've lost 2 out of 3 matches already. I'm quite unhappy about the losses, because there were clear cut offside calls, but the referee didn't call them. Whatever in the end, we played our best. But also, when we played our second match, they were really rough and to put it in a sense, unfair. They seemed to like to go for our feet rather than the ball, and they put Ah Hoe out of the game with a sprained ankle, and EC got kicked at twice by two different players. We all got rather unhappy and angry at what happened, and it got to me once when I committed a late tackle on one of them, so I'm kinda unhappy with myself for that, but oh well, it's over already.
To all ex VS guys, OVA is organising a dinner for VS 130th Anniversary on 2nd September at $100 per seat. All interested parties, please e-mail me at daniel@ova.org.sg for more details k?
Take care everyone... love u all.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Dear Mandy,
As I look back on the events that have taken place in the last 2 weeks, I realise I've done a lot... ok, to be honest, I've made huge decisions that I'm gradually getting to furbish, and also been acquainted with huge workloads that may be too big for my own self to handle everything. But of course, that's life isn't it? It's always full of challeges...
Well, first things first, I joined FCBC, and well, the services that they have been having are quite good, being honest. The praise and worship, and also the "Rest from Stress" lectures that have been going on seem to me to be not only applicable, but also, a form of escapism and comfort from the everyday reality of life. It's quite a good place to be, and I pray that my spiritual journey will carry on developing, as Tryph so aptly puts it. :)
Ok, following which, we've met up with Burnaby and also Inspiration events to discuss the VS130 dinner, and I must say that Burnaby impressed me more, as always is the case when we held SDD 04 as well. But what I'm glad about is the fact that we're finally making some sort of progress down this line, instead of being stagnant and waiting for some sort of instructions that have yet to come down... Perhaps I must take some of the blame as well, seeing that I should have taken more initiative to make things better, or at least in motion... sigh. I don't blame anybody for this... seeing that I could have done more... but oh well... I shall not dwell on the past... I'll work harder for the future.
World Cup Madness was a BLAST! Haha... the event garnered so much more support than I imagined it would be, and being honest, the place is rather nice!I managed to get Lynette, Zhiyuan, Shu Fang, Sanjay and Deepak down, and Han Feng managed to get Vincent, Hansel, Sam, Zong Yu, Dao Hua, and the rest of the soccer gang to come, and I also managed to see so many ex-Victorians.. and well, it was very very heartening to see the support that they have given our Management Council. The least that we can do is to work harder to improve OVA's track record and also the Victorian Spirit. It's something that's been lacking quite often, and I do so want to reignite that... Perhaps I may be too ambitious to begin with, but I believe it's not impossible.
In camp... my workload seems to be an insurmountable experience... from all the quarterly reports, to doing the odd jobs, to all the meetings, and now, to EX BOLDCASTLE which has got me in a very very unhappy position... I shan't comment on what has happened, because it already has, but I can only say that it really isn't in my jurisdiction but it suddenly became under our call. Whatever in the end... just have to do it right? It's after all the BAttalion's name at stake.
Bears' Cove AGM took place on Friday, and it was quite fun, to begin with. Haha.. voting for the new members was interesting in it's own right, and I am quite sad to see MAJ Lim leave... but MAJ David seems to be not a bad guy, so I'll just have to wait and see how things will be. I'll just make sure that I do my job as well as I can, and pray for the patience, understanding and determination to carry on doing as good a job as I can.
AHM will be coming soon, and in a couple of days' time, we'll hit the 7km mark. Sounds good. Hahaha... but being honest, I still have to clear my SOC and my IPPT, which I'll probably take soon... sigh. I'll do my best, but if I get a silver award, then so be it... I'm content to have at least cleared it and have a safe margin to go by. As for SOC, I'll train for that soon... I hope. Must stop procrastinating in any case...
These days, I find myself having to battle all the depression, emotions and all the stress mostly by myself, since I realise that friends I was once close to... I'm uncomfortable telling them about my problems now... I mean, it's a saddening case! Haha... I end up talking to Gabriel, YC and MK about them, and Gabs esp has made things seem much better... but I'm also quite glad to say that I managed to find a confidante in Michelle jie... thanks jie... for the trust, the faith and the shoulder you always have for me... Thank you...
As I look back on the events that have taken place in the last 2 weeks, I realise I've done a lot... ok, to be honest, I've made huge decisions that I'm gradually getting to furbish, and also been acquainted with huge workloads that may be too big for my own self to handle everything. But of course, that's life isn't it? It's always full of challeges...
Well, first things first, I joined FCBC, and well, the services that they have been having are quite good, being honest. The praise and worship, and also the "Rest from Stress" lectures that have been going on seem to me to be not only applicable, but also, a form of escapism and comfort from the everyday reality of life. It's quite a good place to be, and I pray that my spiritual journey will carry on developing, as Tryph so aptly puts it. :)
Ok, following which, we've met up with Burnaby and also Inspiration events to discuss the VS130 dinner, and I must say that Burnaby impressed me more, as always is the case when we held SDD 04 as well. But what I'm glad about is the fact that we're finally making some sort of progress down this line, instead of being stagnant and waiting for some sort of instructions that have yet to come down... Perhaps I must take some of the blame as well, seeing that I should have taken more initiative to make things better, or at least in motion... sigh. I don't blame anybody for this... seeing that I could have done more... but oh well... I shall not dwell on the past... I'll work harder for the future.
World Cup Madness was a BLAST! Haha... the event garnered so much more support than I imagined it would be, and being honest, the place is rather nice!I managed to get Lynette, Zhiyuan, Shu Fang, Sanjay and Deepak down, and Han Feng managed to get Vincent, Hansel, Sam, Zong Yu, Dao Hua, and the rest of the soccer gang to come, and I also managed to see so many ex-Victorians.. and well, it was very very heartening to see the support that they have given our Management Council. The least that we can do is to work harder to improve OVA's track record and also the Victorian Spirit. It's something that's been lacking quite often, and I do so want to reignite that... Perhaps I may be too ambitious to begin with, but I believe it's not impossible.
In camp... my workload seems to be an insurmountable experience... from all the quarterly reports, to doing the odd jobs, to all the meetings, and now, to EX BOLDCASTLE which has got me in a very very unhappy position... I shan't comment on what has happened, because it already has, but I can only say that it really isn't in my jurisdiction but it suddenly became under our call. Whatever in the end... just have to do it right? It's after all the BAttalion's name at stake.
Bears' Cove AGM took place on Friday, and it was quite fun, to begin with. Haha.. voting for the new members was interesting in it's own right, and I am quite sad to see MAJ Lim leave... but MAJ David seems to be not a bad guy, so I'll just have to wait and see how things will be. I'll just make sure that I do my job as well as I can, and pray for the patience, understanding and determination to carry on doing as good a job as I can.
AHM will be coming soon, and in a couple of days' time, we'll hit the 7km mark. Sounds good. Hahaha... but being honest, I still have to clear my SOC and my IPPT, which I'll probably take soon... sigh. I'll do my best, but if I get a silver award, then so be it... I'm content to have at least cleared it and have a safe margin to go by. As for SOC, I'll train for that soon... I hope. Must stop procrastinating in any case...
These days, I find myself having to battle all the depression, emotions and all the stress mostly by myself, since I realise that friends I was once close to... I'm uncomfortable telling them about my problems now... I mean, it's a saddening case! Haha... I end up talking to Gabriel, YC and MK about them, and Gabs esp has made things seem much better... but I'm also quite glad to say that I managed to find a confidante in Michelle jie... thanks jie... for the trust, the faith and the shoulder you always have for me... Thank you...
Friday, June 02, 2006
Dear Mandy,
I'm officially back from Thailand, but actually, it was like a week ago on the 28th May 06, and there's a lot that happened that I've been both unhappy and sometimes, but more rare, happy about.
This trip has made me see the down side of how organisation can make a huge difference. Despite the exercises and the whole trip being relatively smooth in the end, there were many unsung heroes along the way... people who went out of their way to do their work, and more besides, and well, there were those who really did much lesser than they were supposed to, and those who well, just totally didn't do anything at all... sadly.
I learnt a lot while I was up there... as an officer, and as a person in general. I guess you can say that I changed my perspective once again, as is always what happens whenever I go for an overseas exercise. I realised how important it is to be optimistic, and how in events that are dreary and can bring you down, you have to be strong... even if it is your fault, you cannot give up, cannot stop trying... And you have to try to keep a level head... It's something that I'm not as proficient yet... but I must admit that it feels good to know that I can't work alone sometimes... Alvin and Pele made me see that when my rover got bogged down in the mud along the plantation. I owe them that much for accommodating me along the entire journey as Safety Team 1.
The officer core from 30 SCE has always been one that has made me feel at home, and this trip is no different. Despite the odd few who made me feel irritated or irked by, the main cohort still make me feel somewhat at home... EC, YC, Poh, Darren, ZF, Goo, Maureen, HC, John, YK and CPT Kenneth all make me feel like I'm still sane, and that I'm still doing what I can. They are encouragement, gossip partners, and more often than not, friends that I can rely on. So thank you.
Of course, I cannot discount the importance that Lincoln, Tsai, Andrew, Joel, ZW, WX, ZB and the many other people who help me along when I'm lost and just need some sort of guidance. Despite the difference in years, they still treat me like one of their own, and it's definitely something that I'm glad to have... that people with vast experience are actually willing to share and guide. :)
I came back with a more fragile outlook on the surroundings, that I cherished certain friends more than others... and that I just wanted to be there for my friends when they needed me. It does make me feel somewhat better that I can still be a good friend, but I'm upset I missed the VJC Soccer finals... I heard 23rd did a fantastic job, and I don't doubt it one bit... They've really grown and I'm honestly really proud of them. 23rd are a good council, and I'm not saying this just because Deborah and Terence have managed to find my blog. I keep the faith. :) By the way, hello Deborah and Terence. :)
I went back to camp on 29 May 06 to be DOO and I had a long chat with S3 from 11pm till 1am the next day... I guess that MAJ Thomas has been a really great person to work with, and in some sense, the entire department have worked pretty well... Lincoln, MAJ Thomas, Wilson, YZ, DR, Joel, ZW and me... but of course, I came back to lots of work and crazy events... but it's a nice feeling, though. Until I started to feel overly lethargic and weary due to not having rested enough... oh well, I can't win everything now can I? But I just kept working until CO had to tell MAJ Thomas to force me to take my off or I'll be charged... what a command. Hahaha...
Throughout my tenure in camp, the 'C' guys have been totally fantastic, and of course, MK and Gabs as well. Haha... so the funny thing is, why do I still feel kinda lonely? Hee... I have absolutely no idea. :)
I'm officially back from Thailand, but actually, it was like a week ago on the 28th May 06, and there's a lot that happened that I've been both unhappy and sometimes, but more rare, happy about.
This trip has made me see the down side of how organisation can make a huge difference. Despite the exercises and the whole trip being relatively smooth in the end, there were many unsung heroes along the way... people who went out of their way to do their work, and more besides, and well, there were those who really did much lesser than they were supposed to, and those who well, just totally didn't do anything at all... sadly.
I learnt a lot while I was up there... as an officer, and as a person in general. I guess you can say that I changed my perspective once again, as is always what happens whenever I go for an overseas exercise. I realised how important it is to be optimistic, and how in events that are dreary and can bring you down, you have to be strong... even if it is your fault, you cannot give up, cannot stop trying... And you have to try to keep a level head... It's something that I'm not as proficient yet... but I must admit that it feels good to know that I can't work alone sometimes... Alvin and Pele made me see that when my rover got bogged down in the mud along the plantation. I owe them that much for accommodating me along the entire journey as Safety Team 1.
The officer core from 30 SCE has always been one that has made me feel at home, and this trip is no different. Despite the odd few who made me feel irritated or irked by, the main cohort still make me feel somewhat at home... EC, YC, Poh, Darren, ZF, Goo, Maureen, HC, John, YK and CPT Kenneth all make me feel like I'm still sane, and that I'm still doing what I can. They are encouragement, gossip partners, and more often than not, friends that I can rely on. So thank you.
Of course, I cannot discount the importance that Lincoln, Tsai, Andrew, Joel, ZW, WX, ZB and the many other people who help me along when I'm lost and just need some sort of guidance. Despite the difference in years, they still treat me like one of their own, and it's definitely something that I'm glad to have... that people with vast experience are actually willing to share and guide. :)
I came back with a more fragile outlook on the surroundings, that I cherished certain friends more than others... and that I just wanted to be there for my friends when they needed me. It does make me feel somewhat better that I can still be a good friend, but I'm upset I missed the VJC Soccer finals... I heard 23rd did a fantastic job, and I don't doubt it one bit... They've really grown and I'm honestly really proud of them. 23rd are a good council, and I'm not saying this just because Deborah and Terence have managed to find my blog. I keep the faith. :) By the way, hello Deborah and Terence. :)
I went back to camp on 29 May 06 to be DOO and I had a long chat with S3 from 11pm till 1am the next day... I guess that MAJ Thomas has been a really great person to work with, and in some sense, the entire department have worked pretty well... Lincoln, MAJ Thomas, Wilson, YZ, DR, Joel, ZW and me... but of course, I came back to lots of work and crazy events... but it's a nice feeling, though. Until I started to feel overly lethargic and weary due to not having rested enough... oh well, I can't win everything now can I? But I just kept working until CO had to tell MAJ Thomas to force me to take my off or I'll be charged... what a command. Hahaha...
Throughout my tenure in camp, the 'C' guys have been totally fantastic, and of course, MK and Gabs as well. Haha... so the funny thing is, why do I still feel kinda lonely? Hee... I have absolutely no idea. :)
Friday, May 12, 2006
Dear Mandy...
On my eve of departure to EX CRESCENDO, I find myself lost and uncertain. I feel really much like somebody who's got no direction and just groping around, especially with the recent incidents of EX CRESCENDO that make me more or less unsure of where I stand, my role, and what the heck am I supposed to do up there. It, as a result, triggered off a whole new stint of thoughts that make me more or less uncertain of myself once again.
I'm kinda worried I cannot do well as a safety officer in EX CRESCENDO, since I keep getting pushed up and down the hierarchy of the Safety factor. It's to the extent that I have mixed up the roles of a Chief Safety and a DY Safety, and there doesn't seem to be any distinction of the two roles anymore. I guess it'll just become a tag team event, one rushing to cover the other and vice versa. Sigh.
In any case, I went to wat
ch VJC vs HCI softball boys, where we won 6-1, but well.. I guess I had fun. 23rd's match support has improved tremendously, but I guess there's the thing about not using long cheers... and using the same long cheers... but each batch to his or her own... yup! Haha... I do miss my match support days a lot, a lot... days when we would don our red shirts, and just lead the Victorians in cheers to spur on our sportsmen and women... we have had our fun days, and I guess we were pretty good in match support... at the very least, one of the better batches I've seen, cause we still manage to get the crowd going despite the odds in our favour... I can still remember our soccer finals... can you imagine? 12 red shirts and 25 Councillors attempting to lead a to
tal of of close to 900 Victorians in cheers? Don't believe me, right? Well, here's the truth... the picture on the left was taken during Soccer Finals 2003, at CHoa Chu Kang Stadium, which, in my opinion is not a good place to do match support cause of the elevations and everything else... but of course, we did out best, but it was also the match support that we felt we were complacent after so much match supports that we'd done... Oh well, I digress, of course, in any case, Match Supports have been an integral part of my Council term... It can also be my pride and joy to have been able to lead a team of dynamic ECOnians forward in this journey... Though I've not been a really good leader as ECO Chairperson, this group of special Councillors have accepted my flaws and my imperfections, and more often than not, encouraged me on and supported me. I am really thankful for them, or, to be honest to myself, majority of them... there's one (or 2) of them who have crossed me and to this date, I'm still not comfortable with that.
On my eve of departure to EX CRESCENDO, I find myself lost and uncertain. I feel really much like somebody who's got no direction and just groping around, especially with the recent incidents of EX CRESCENDO that make me more or less unsure of where I stand, my role, and what the heck am I supposed to do up there. It, as a result, triggered off a whole new stint of thoughts that make me more or less uncertain of myself once again.
I'm kinda worried I cannot do well as a safety officer in EX CRESCENDO, since I keep getting pushed up and down the hierarchy of the Safety factor. It's to the extent that I have mixed up the roles of a Chief Safety and a DY Safety, and there doesn't seem to be any distinction of the two roles anymore. I guess it'll just become a tag team event, one rushing to cover the other and vice versa. Sigh.
In any case, I went to wat
ch VJC vs HCI softball boys, where we won 6-1, but well.. I guess I had fun. 23rd's match support has improved tremendously, but I guess there's the thing about not using long cheers... and using the same long cheers... but each batch to his or her own... yup! Haha... I do miss my match support days a lot, a lot... days when we would don our red shirts, and just lead the Victorians in cheers to spur on our sportsmen and women... we have had our fun days, and I guess we were pretty good in match support... at the very least, one of the better batches I've seen, cause we still manage to get the crowd going despite the odds in our favour... I can still remember our soccer finals... can you imagine? 12 red shirts and 25 Councillors attempting to lead a to
tal of of close to 900 Victorians in cheers? Don't believe me, right? Well, here's the truth... the picture on the left was taken during Soccer Finals 2003, at CHoa Chu Kang Stadium, which, in my opinion is not a good place to do match support cause of the elevations and everything else... but of course, we did out best, but it was also the match support that we felt we were complacent after so much match supports that we'd done... Oh well, I digress, of course, in any case, Match Supports have been an integral part of my Council term... It can also be my pride and joy to have been able to lead a team of dynamic ECOnians forward in this journey... Though I've not been a really good leader as ECO Chairperson, this group of special Councillors have accepted my flaws and my imperfections, and more often than not, encouraged me on and supported me. I am really thankful for them, or, to be honest to myself, majority of them... there's one (or 2) of them who have crossed me and to this date, I'm still not comfortable with that. VJC 20TH STUDENTS' COUNCIL ECA COMMITTEE
1st row (from left): Joanna, Sharon, Priya, Dominique, Lynette
2nd row (from left): Zhe Bin, Sanjay, Benny, David, Samuel
3rd row: Me Not in picture: Aseem
Yupz, that's my Committee... and if I don't say this, my Dommy would kill me... I have a very efficient and dependable Vice-head in Dom! She's one reason why I know I can chiong so much, cause she'll be there to support me and take over, sometimes without even me saying, she'll step up to the job... despite her volleyball commitments, she still tries to be there no matter what, and even till now, I still turn to her for advice when I require, or just reassurance that I'm doing right...
Suddenly ended up being very nostalgic, thus this post of ECO, or it could be other reasons, I know not of. It's kinda weird? A lot of people are very puzzled as to my commitment to VJC, and sometimes, I myself am confused by my attachment back to the College... but in some sense, some... homely, warm sense, I just feel at home when I'm back there... I don't know... maybe I'm a ditz, but that's just the way I like it right now.
And yet, I know I must move on someday... The 23rd, I believe, will be the last full term Council I will oversee... :) And from then... it'll just be the normal things... Openhouse, Intra Council. Sigh... time really doesn't slow down, and in time, we're only left with memories...
I'll cherish every memory I made with VJC.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Dear Mandy...
It's pretty amazing how I can go back to VJC and still feel it's home even though I've left the college for a good 2 years! Haha... and well, ironically, it's sad that I keep going back, because I know very well that this present council, the VJC 23RD SC will be the last council I'll oversee and guide for one full term.
And it's sad for me. All along, I've wanted to be a guide to the Councillors, especially in year 2 when there're no seniors to guide them through a new phase... And well, how much I've done or rather, I managed to do, is really not a lot... and sometimes, I can tell that my presence is not wanted... but I still do it. Haha.. call me thick skinned... oh well....
It's still pretty amazing how we can never get tired about talking about our past in VJC... from nominees onwards to the end of A levels, to life after VJC, to well, each other's progress in their respective fields... it's really something that I miss, and harbour inner wishes of it being more often than what it is now. But I'm harbouring wishful thoughts... how oft it is when a council graduates, we all go our separate ways, and meeting up becomes something of a distant memory, as each of us are busy, and unable to meet at the same time as others can! It's kinda saddening.. but well, maybe that's why I'm in VJC ever so often...
In any case... I love VJC...
It's pretty amazing how I can go back to VJC and still feel it's home even though I've left the college for a good 2 years! Haha... and well, ironically, it's sad that I keep going back, because I know very well that this present council, the VJC 23RD SC will be the last council I'll oversee and guide for one full term.
And it's sad for me. All along, I've wanted to be a guide to the Councillors, especially in year 2 when there're no seniors to guide them through a new phase... And well, how much I've done or rather, I managed to do, is really not a lot... and sometimes, I can tell that my presence is not wanted... but I still do it. Haha.. call me thick skinned... oh well....
It's still pretty amazing how we can never get tired about talking about our past in VJC... from nominees onwards to the end of A levels, to life after VJC, to well, each other's progress in their respective fields... it's really something that I miss, and harbour inner wishes of it being more often than what it is now. But I'm harbouring wishful thoughts... how oft it is when a council graduates, we all go our separate ways, and meeting up becomes something of a distant memory, as each of us are busy, and unable to meet at the same time as others can! It's kinda saddening.. but well, maybe that's why I'm in VJC ever so often...
In any case... I love VJC...
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Dear Mandy...
Well, it's been another week, and it's left me feeling more confused and lost than I did when I first started out...
On Monday, S3 was still around, so we had this huge Pow-wow to settle all the Outstanding matters, and also the pressing matters... I guess he's right to say we're all fighting out own fires... I realise I have a lot of little campfires I have to attend to myself, and it doesn't take a scientist to know that I'd be in for a tough time without S3 around... For all of us actually... So, on Monday, S3 left. And I found myself feeling insecure... and very very lost... I had a call from Lee Min, to arrange for our meeting for her to pass me her birthday present. Apparently, Marcello fell sick, and it's suspected HFM, so I offered to go to the doctor's with her, and well, encountered what I must say, an appalling call from her boyfriend! Well, apparently, he's encountered some problems with Lee Min, and was so called, checking up on my relation with her... after reassuring him, well, things ironed out. But, I don't know... so it made Monday having 2 things to make me think about.
Tuesday saw the first day without S3 around... and no, it wasn't fun, to say the least. I had myself arrowed with a lot a lot of things, that well, normally isn't my jobscope, and I found myself, Lincoln and Wilson, running around just trying to bat down small fires that had escalated out of our reach. It wasn't fun, no... I find myself being overloaded with work... and then, looking at my other commitments as well, I found myself with more ambiguity and feeling ever so more lost than when I began.
Wednesday was a half day for me, not before we had Crescendo Coord meeting that I ended up being more than not, slightly miffed as I realised my role in that meeting was not very significant. After that, I took my half day off and I went to VJC to leave with the 23rd SC for National Schools' Cross Country Championship finals. Well, VS won the double champions for C and B div, and well, VJC won 3rd for A Boys and 4th for A Girls. It was quite a good day... but it was also the first match support of 23rd that I saw, and I was far from impressed... but I was still hopeful and optimistic of their potential and their talents, I guess they just needed more guidance and experience... 22nd however, felt that they needed to wake up. Seeing how it's their 3rd match support, well, I can understand why they feel pissed off with 23rd... but, well, I sincerely believe they can do better... I shan't dwell more on this, because, what's done is done, and I hope 23rd can improve on their match support.
I return over to camp on Thursday to find fires brewing that require immediate attention, including one that seemed to be not our problem, but something that we can rectify anyway... so we shot up and hopped around, and in the end, after a meeting with CPT Ricky, a discussion with Han yuan, and a pow wow with Lincoln and Wilson, we managed to bat down the fire to a manageable one, and I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief... being that the next day was Good Friday, I managed to get off work early and just relax as the DO, but that was until 2 recruits from CHarlie started to fight and were awarded 14 days SOL... so that warranted an incident report, and also the start of their reports... sigh... not much fun for them, I can assure you...
Friday saw me at home recuperating from DO duty at home... sleeping.. and I realised how sleep deprived I was when I took 6 hours of sleep straight away.
Today I went to school to run, and I did... had a long chat with Meng Siong, Santosh, Jing-Yi, Joel about NS and stuff like that, and then we had fun going to Siglap and buying lunch... following which, Shefong, me, Jing-Yi and Santosh had another long chat... and then I met Britney, went to 7-11 to have lunch with them, and then after that, I sat in for the 23rd SC Red Shirts meeting.. it was a long one, which is always the case for the first meeting of ECO... and I remembered that our first meeting to settle the basic structure was always with the seniors... and quite sadly, there were no real seniors there to teach them the roles... It's quite sad, honestly... and I realised that it would be very difficult for me to re create the dynamic and well organised working style of ECO as I'm in no position to say anything. But I'm glad and optimistic for this batch of Red Shirts to recreate that dynamic quality that the Red Shirts have always had, which was lost somewhere along the way... and to make that impact again.
But when I left, I found myself contemplating a lot of things... and I found myself even more confused... until Dommy dear put me back on track... I realise what she said is true... thanks Dommy... I owe u one...
I cannot turn back time, and I cannot recreate the past. I can only embrace the present.. and do whatever change I can do... I am me... and I ought to be happy with that fact... :)
Well, it's been another week, and it's left me feeling more confused and lost than I did when I first started out...
On Monday, S3 was still around, so we had this huge Pow-wow to settle all the Outstanding matters, and also the pressing matters... I guess he's right to say we're all fighting out own fires... I realise I have a lot of little campfires I have to attend to myself, and it doesn't take a scientist to know that I'd be in for a tough time without S3 around... For all of us actually... So, on Monday, S3 left. And I found myself feeling insecure... and very very lost... I had a call from Lee Min, to arrange for our meeting for her to pass me her birthday present. Apparently, Marcello fell sick, and it's suspected HFM, so I offered to go to the doctor's with her, and well, encountered what I must say, an appalling call from her boyfriend! Well, apparently, he's encountered some problems with Lee Min, and was so called, checking up on my relation with her... after reassuring him, well, things ironed out. But, I don't know... so it made Monday having 2 things to make me think about.
Tuesday saw the first day without S3 around... and no, it wasn't fun, to say the least. I had myself arrowed with a lot a lot of things, that well, normally isn't my jobscope, and I found myself, Lincoln and Wilson, running around just trying to bat down small fires that had escalated out of our reach. It wasn't fun, no... I find myself being overloaded with work... and then, looking at my other commitments as well, I found myself with more ambiguity and feeling ever so more lost than when I began.
Wednesday was a half day for me, not before we had Crescendo Coord meeting that I ended up being more than not, slightly miffed as I realised my role in that meeting was not very significant. After that, I took my half day off and I went to VJC to leave with the 23rd SC for National Schools' Cross Country Championship finals. Well, VS won the double champions for C and B div, and well, VJC won 3rd for A Boys and 4th for A Girls. It was quite a good day... but it was also the first match support of 23rd that I saw, and I was far from impressed... but I was still hopeful and optimistic of their potential and their talents, I guess they just needed more guidance and experience... 22nd however, felt that they needed to wake up. Seeing how it's their 3rd match support, well, I can understand why they feel pissed off with 23rd... but, well, I sincerely believe they can do better... I shan't dwell more on this, because, what's done is done, and I hope 23rd can improve on their match support.
I return over to camp on Thursday to find fires brewing that require immediate attention, including one that seemed to be not our problem, but something that we can rectify anyway... so we shot up and hopped around, and in the end, after a meeting with CPT Ricky, a discussion with Han yuan, and a pow wow with Lincoln and Wilson, we managed to bat down the fire to a manageable one, and I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief... being that the next day was Good Friday, I managed to get off work early and just relax as the DO, but that was until 2 recruits from CHarlie started to fight and were awarded 14 days SOL... so that warranted an incident report, and also the start of their reports... sigh... not much fun for them, I can assure you...
Friday saw me at home recuperating from DO duty at home... sleeping.. and I realised how sleep deprived I was when I took 6 hours of sleep straight away.
Today I went to school to run, and I did... had a long chat with Meng Siong, Santosh, Jing-Yi, Joel about NS and stuff like that, and then we had fun going to Siglap and buying lunch... following which, Shefong, me, Jing-Yi and Santosh had another long chat... and then I met Britney, went to 7-11 to have lunch with them, and then after that, I sat in for the 23rd SC Red Shirts meeting.. it was a long one, which is always the case for the first meeting of ECO... and I remembered that our first meeting to settle the basic structure was always with the seniors... and quite sadly, there were no real seniors there to teach them the roles... It's quite sad, honestly... and I realised that it would be very difficult for me to re create the dynamic and well organised working style of ECO as I'm in no position to say anything. But I'm glad and optimistic for this batch of Red Shirts to recreate that dynamic quality that the Red Shirts have always had, which was lost somewhere along the way... and to make that impact again.
But when I left, I found myself contemplating a lot of things... and I found myself even more confused... until Dommy dear put me back on track... I realise what she said is true... thanks Dommy... I owe u one...
I cannot turn back time, and I cannot recreate the past. I can only embrace the present.. and do whatever change I can do... I am me... and I ought to be happy with that fact... :)
Friday, April 07, 2006
Dear Mandy...
It's been 2 weeks... so long... so tired, and really have wanted to let go... just lie down low and sleep away my whole life... I don't know what exactly was wrong with this week, but it really drained me...
On Sat, 1 Apr 06, Me, Ken, Shane and WC had dinner to celebrate our birthdays... Shane was 27 Mar, WC 2 Apr, me 3 Apr and Ken 7 Apr... we had Kenny Rogers and Shane was so nice to make reservations for us! The servings were huge! I really ate till I couldn't down another mouthful... that was before we hit the arcade, and then we had a loong chat at Mac. Then WC drove the three of us home to S'goon Nth, and then he went off home to Tampines... so nice of them right? We're all BMT buddies, the 4 of us, and we're really quite close. We meet up once in a quarter year? And we just talk and talk... haha... it's a nice feeling.
On Sunday, 2 Apr 06, I watched Ice Age 2, and it is really cute... though not as stress relieving as Pink Panther, but the fact that I watched it with my beloved Councillors made it all the more worthwhile...
Monday, 3 Apr 06, my birthday. Thanks to everyone who remembered and took the effort to wish me happy birthday... Especially to Lee Min!! She even took the effort to get me a present! Gosh, and I didn't even remember to wish her happy birthday on hers! Sigh sigh... I really am thankful for her lorz... Of course, there were the people who I really didn't expect to remember, like Shi Ying, Kristy P... and well, there were the people who didn't remember... sigh. It's ok. I appreciate you remembering no matter how late. :) But then again, it may have been my birthday, but it didn't make any difference... I didn't have my birthday off, since it was the day of CO Conference, and there was also the Unit Safety Meeting, and also the rehearsal for the Army Mess Happy Hour.. so, I didn't really get to enjoy my birthday... oh well. I didn't expect much anyway... :)
Tuesday was IPPT for regulars, and well, after which I had to go to SISPEC's Rocky Hill Mess for the Army Mess Happy Hour. I spent almost a whole day there.. majority of the time I was doing nothing... until the actual event. Even then, I didn't do much. There were so many changes that kept being made... in the end? I just ended up standing around, eating, drinking, and being lost in my own thoughts. After the whole event, I spent an hour on the phone with Britney... Catching up on 23rd's progress, and finding out from Britney just what exactly was going on... I must admit, I found my junior a very fun person to talk to. Haha... But the day didn't end happily... Due to a major miscommunication, I found myself having to conduct battalion PT the next day... and unfortunately for me, the AI had so many errors that I found myself making as many corrections as the number of pages the AI had. In the end, Samuel said he'd conduct, so we spent a good half hour at the Ops Room printing a new AI, and making all the corrections...
Wednesday saw me being the safety officer of Bn PT, but as I felt I needed to run, I joined 'C' Coy for Speed Training, which by the way, was 2.4km worth of sprints and jogging... It was really physically demanding, and I'm quite happy i completed the whole thingy. Haha... after that, I spent the whole day in the office, finishing up the minutes for CO Conference, and then going out for a quick dinner, where I managed to get my karaoke CD and that night, I had a quick selection of song with Meng Kit, YC, Ah Hoe and JD... It was kinda fun!
Thursday kickstarted with another IPPT for regulars, and after that, I went to clear my e-mails in the office. After that, I went to rehearse somemore, before I went of to Ministry Of Sound, which is where we had the Engineer Idol Finals, and also the 39th Engineers' Anniversary Celebrations... The whole place was nice, but after a while, I realised that I'm not a clubbing kind of person... Our emcee was Caroline Cheong... and our judges included MC King and Margaret Lee of JCrew... That night, I sang ???????and I got a total of 26/40. MC King said I didn't have the idol image, Margaret said she found my voice soothing, and when she closed her eyes, she could actually find herself appreciating how it was. The next judge said I sing like Jay Zhou, partly because she couldn't hear what I was singing, but she said I had a nice voice. And the last judge said that he liked my performance... I was quite touched. Of course, I wasn't in top 3, but I'm already quite happy I tried.
I met Chiew Mei, and her friends, Michelle, Dalena and Zhiyi (I think that's the spelling) that night, and well, it was great seeing Chiew again... That night, well, I understood just how much I wished I had someone to hold me, and someone to tell me everything will be alright... Because that night, at MOS, Chiew took care of me, and well, I sort of took care of her as well... and we just chatted, and walked around, and well, it felt really nice to be able to not be the one that's strong... I just didn't need to be strong, and there was no stress... I didn't have to make anything happen... I just needed to be a normal person who's just giving and caring for another person... I miss that feeling so much... but I don't ever get it often.
Then that night, Gabriel and I went back to camp together. Thanks to his parents who drove us to pick up some ice cream and some drinks before we headed back to camp... where we enjoyed our ice cream over watching Wong Fei Hung on the TV... haha... then we went to sleep.
Today I was in the office for majority of the time, and once again, I found myself in another meeting... this time, a coord meeting for Crescendo... it was a long, boring meeting whereby I can honestly say I wasn't needed, but oh well... then I spent the day worrying about rounds for GPMG... sigh... I just wish I had a break...
It's been 2 weeks... so long... so tired, and really have wanted to let go... just lie down low and sleep away my whole life... I don't know what exactly was wrong with this week, but it really drained me...
On Sat, 1 Apr 06, Me, Ken, Shane and WC had dinner to celebrate our birthdays... Shane was 27 Mar, WC 2 Apr, me 3 Apr and Ken 7 Apr... we had Kenny Rogers and Shane was so nice to make reservations for us! The servings were huge! I really ate till I couldn't down another mouthful... that was before we hit the arcade, and then we had a loong chat at Mac. Then WC drove the three of us home to S'goon Nth, and then he went off home to Tampines... so nice of them right? We're all BMT buddies, the 4 of us, and we're really quite close. We meet up once in a quarter year? And we just talk and talk... haha... it's a nice feeling.
On Sunday, 2 Apr 06, I watched Ice Age 2, and it is really cute... though not as stress relieving as Pink Panther, but the fact that I watched it with my beloved Councillors made it all the more worthwhile...
Monday, 3 Apr 06, my birthday. Thanks to everyone who remembered and took the effort to wish me happy birthday... Especially to Lee Min!! She even took the effort to get me a present! Gosh, and I didn't even remember to wish her happy birthday on hers! Sigh sigh... I really am thankful for her lorz... Of course, there were the people who I really didn't expect to remember, like Shi Ying, Kristy P... and well, there were the people who didn't remember... sigh. It's ok. I appreciate you remembering no matter how late. :) But then again, it may have been my birthday, but it didn't make any difference... I didn't have my birthday off, since it was the day of CO Conference, and there was also the Unit Safety Meeting, and also the rehearsal for the Army Mess Happy Hour.. so, I didn't really get to enjoy my birthday... oh well. I didn't expect much anyway... :)
Tuesday was IPPT for regulars, and well, after which I had to go to SISPEC's Rocky Hill Mess for the Army Mess Happy Hour. I spent almost a whole day there.. majority of the time I was doing nothing... until the actual event. Even then, I didn't do much. There were so many changes that kept being made... in the end? I just ended up standing around, eating, drinking, and being lost in my own thoughts. After the whole event, I spent an hour on the phone with Britney... Catching up on 23rd's progress, and finding out from Britney just what exactly was going on... I must admit, I found my junior a very fun person to talk to. Haha... But the day didn't end happily... Due to a major miscommunication, I found myself having to conduct battalion PT the next day... and unfortunately for me, the AI had so many errors that I found myself making as many corrections as the number of pages the AI had. In the end, Samuel said he'd conduct, so we spent a good half hour at the Ops Room printing a new AI, and making all the corrections...
Wednesday saw me being the safety officer of Bn PT, but as I felt I needed to run, I joined 'C' Coy for Speed Training, which by the way, was 2.4km worth of sprints and jogging... It was really physically demanding, and I'm quite happy i completed the whole thingy. Haha... after that, I spent the whole day in the office, finishing up the minutes for CO Conference, and then going out for a quick dinner, where I managed to get my karaoke CD and that night, I had a quick selection of song with Meng Kit, YC, Ah Hoe and JD... It was kinda fun!
Thursday kickstarted with another IPPT for regulars, and after that, I went to clear my e-mails in the office. After that, I went to rehearse somemore, before I went of to Ministry Of Sound, which is where we had the Engineer Idol Finals, and also the 39th Engineers' Anniversary Celebrations... The whole place was nice, but after a while, I realised that I'm not a clubbing kind of person... Our emcee was Caroline Cheong... and our judges included MC King and Margaret Lee of JCrew... That night, I sang ???????and I got a total of 26/40. MC King said I didn't have the idol image, Margaret said she found my voice soothing, and when she closed her eyes, she could actually find herself appreciating how it was. The next judge said I sing like Jay Zhou, partly because she couldn't hear what I was singing, but she said I had a nice voice. And the last judge said that he liked my performance... I was quite touched. Of course, I wasn't in top 3, but I'm already quite happy I tried.
I met Chiew Mei, and her friends, Michelle, Dalena and Zhiyi (I think that's the spelling) that night, and well, it was great seeing Chiew again... That night, well, I understood just how much I wished I had someone to hold me, and someone to tell me everything will be alright... Because that night, at MOS, Chiew took care of me, and well, I sort of took care of her as well... and we just chatted, and walked around, and well, it felt really nice to be able to not be the one that's strong... I just didn't need to be strong, and there was no stress... I didn't have to make anything happen... I just needed to be a normal person who's just giving and caring for another person... I miss that feeling so much... but I don't ever get it often.
Then that night, Gabriel and I went back to camp together. Thanks to his parents who drove us to pick up some ice cream and some drinks before we headed back to camp... where we enjoyed our ice cream over watching Wong Fei Hung on the TV... haha... then we went to sleep.
Today I was in the office for majority of the time, and once again, I found myself in another meeting... this time, a coord meeting for Crescendo... it was a long, boring meeting whereby I can honestly say I wasn't needed, but oh well... then I spent the day worrying about rounds for GPMG... sigh... I just wish I had a break...
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Dear Mandy...
This week has been a total hell... I thought that even with my boss at Exercise and all, I'd be able to have a bit more breathing space... Well, it didn't turn out that way... surprisingly? My main jobscope was very much lessened... but on other aspects, like covering for him and the Ops Warrant who wasn't around was enough to drive both me and my Trg Spec crazy... Let me elaborate...
On Sunday I went out for a birthday dinner for Sangeeta and David, and I did have fun... amidst all the pranks, the girls being late, and the catching up between everyone... I realised how much I miss the feeling of a family.... to days of everyone staying in school late, and being able to just talk to someone when you feel like it... But well, in camp, I sometimes feel the need to talk to someone, but when I scroll through my phone book sometimes, I realise that there's actually nobody much I can call sometimes... Sure, there's people I can call, but the thing is, I don't feel right bothering them too much... you know? And something that Rachel told me about how I'm giving Anhua the wrong signals left quite an impact on me... which is... am I really doing things that a friend should? I ought to think more.
Monday was relatively tiring... Being DO is not fun, that I can ascertain. I managed to finish CO Conference minutes, only to have the vetted copy returned to me when I finished clearing the Armskotes.. so I spent the next 2 hours at my computer, updating the minutes, which I have to send out later... then I cleared 'D' armskote at sometime past midnight... sigh... Next day had to be neutral for 3SIG SOC, before I headed back to camp only to be presented with some e-mails to clear and a very heavy head... I suffered from a slight fever, and had to spend sometime in bunk during lunch break to rest up. That was before I got arrowed to go for Engineer Idol. So with a heavy heart, I went for VS130 meeting, where I know I have to do more work. :)
Wednesday saw me waste $30 on taxi fare, cause I forgot to bring along the cd for the auditions for Engineer Idol. So I made this huge U-Turn back to camp, before going back down to another camp for the auditions. It turned out to be a waste of time... They videocamed each performance and we can redo until we felt it was good enough... the best performance from each individual will be sent up for vetting, together with an interview, so yeah.. It was quite a waste of time...
What made me happy on Wednesday?. I went up to NTU for dinner with Amy, Hui Zhi, Kristy P and my twinnie darling! I especially haven't met KrisP for a LOOONG time, so I was actually very happy... We chatted about old times, and we had a very nice meal, if I say so myself... :) Then I went to see their hall, and well, I think I want to stay there... haha... :)
Thurs was the time the killer started... I went down to Khatib Camp with the PTI and my Trg Spec for BUC result verification. The results were horrendous, to say the least... It started this huge bomb of work all over... We rushed to tell the admins what to do, and to compile the results, and based on inaccurate percentages as well... so we worked until 11.30pm, and thanks Tryph, Jessamyn, for listening to me rant when u both were already so busy... I appreciate everything...
On Friday, I went for Track and Field selection and ran 400m, but not very fast... haha... dunno why, no more motivation anymore.... then had to rush back to finish compiling the results... and then with all the work done, I ended up volunteering to conduct an IPPT come Monday evening, and I need to rush... Rush Rush Rush... sigh sigh sigh... so many things to do right? Nothing much I can do except to suck it up... I'll do what I can...
This week has been a total hell... I thought that even with my boss at Exercise and all, I'd be able to have a bit more breathing space... Well, it didn't turn out that way... surprisingly? My main jobscope was very much lessened... but on other aspects, like covering for him and the Ops Warrant who wasn't around was enough to drive both me and my Trg Spec crazy... Let me elaborate...
On Sunday I went out for a birthday dinner for Sangeeta and David, and I did have fun... amidst all the pranks, the girls being late, and the catching up between everyone... I realised how much I miss the feeling of a family.... to days of everyone staying in school late, and being able to just talk to someone when you feel like it... But well, in camp, I sometimes feel the need to talk to someone, but when I scroll through my phone book sometimes, I realise that there's actually nobody much I can call sometimes... Sure, there's people I can call, but the thing is, I don't feel right bothering them too much... you know? And something that Rachel told me about how I'm giving Anhua the wrong signals left quite an impact on me... which is... am I really doing things that a friend should? I ought to think more.
Monday was relatively tiring... Being DO is not fun, that I can ascertain. I managed to finish CO Conference minutes, only to have the vetted copy returned to me when I finished clearing the Armskotes.. so I spent the next 2 hours at my computer, updating the minutes, which I have to send out later... then I cleared 'D' armskote at sometime past midnight... sigh... Next day had to be neutral for 3SIG SOC, before I headed back to camp only to be presented with some e-mails to clear and a very heavy head... I suffered from a slight fever, and had to spend sometime in bunk during lunch break to rest up. That was before I got arrowed to go for Engineer Idol. So with a heavy heart, I went for VS130 meeting, where I know I have to do more work. :)
Wednesday saw me waste $30 on taxi fare, cause I forgot to bring along the cd for the auditions for Engineer Idol. So I made this huge U-Turn back to camp, before going back down to another camp for the auditions. It turned out to be a waste of time... They videocamed each performance and we can redo until we felt it was good enough... the best performance from each individual will be sent up for vetting, together with an interview, so yeah.. It was quite a waste of time...
What made me happy on Wednesday?. I went up to NTU for dinner with Amy, Hui Zhi, Kristy P and my twinnie darling! I especially haven't met KrisP for a LOOONG time, so I was actually very happy... We chatted about old times, and we had a very nice meal, if I say so myself... :) Then I went to see their hall, and well, I think I want to stay there... haha... :)
Thurs was the time the killer started... I went down to Khatib Camp with the PTI and my Trg Spec for BUC result verification. The results were horrendous, to say the least... It started this huge bomb of work all over... We rushed to tell the admins what to do, and to compile the results, and based on inaccurate percentages as well... so we worked until 11.30pm, and thanks Tryph, Jessamyn, for listening to me rant when u both were already so busy... I appreciate everything...
On Friday, I went for Track and Field selection and ran 400m, but not very fast... haha... dunno why, no more motivation anymore.... then had to rush back to finish compiling the results... and then with all the work done, I ended up volunteering to conduct an IPPT come Monday evening, and I need to rush... Rush Rush Rush... sigh sigh sigh... so many things to do right? Nothing much I can do except to suck it up... I'll do what I can...
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Dear Mandy...
This week was great! Cause I was at VJC for the 23rd Elects Camp! :) And that's the main thing that made my day...
On Sunday night, me and Jing-Yi stayed over in school.. we were the only two councillors in the room that night! And we did a lot of things... from sitting there, reading through the timetable for the camp, to walking over the school, to supper at 7-11, followed by bathing in the wee hours of the morning, and then a couple of phone calls, to music softly playing in the night while we lay on the floor, chatting to each other before dozing off at about 0200hrs in the morning.
The next day kickstarted with the Elects coming in, and us sitting there, observing the 22nd in charge of the camp. Well, my main objective, actually, was to observe the Elects, and also the conduct of the camp by 22nd. And their way of conducting the camp was pretty interesting.. there was a DISCO, a WELCO for the camp, and a few other unique approaches to making the camp a good one. Well, Jing and I left for lunch, and we met Audrey and Nigel, before meeting Kelvin for lunch at parkway... we had a good time together... chatting and catching up on old times. After that, we returned to school to observe the cheering and mass dance sessions. 23rd struck me as an enthusiastic lot, though possessing some attitude, but still, they try... 22nd tried to be good camp facilitators, but somehow, lost their cool along the way. It's ok though, we all learn somehow or rather to handle our emotions only later in the camp, as we too lost our cool along the way when we were conducting the camp for 21st. The night was fun for me... I helped set up the candle game, and had the chance to talk to Deborah of is it Debra, who had a sprained ankle... The night then ended with me, Jing, Nigel, Yulan sleeping in the treehouse... :) Nice place to sleep, if I say so myself.
Day 2 started with PT, which sort of surprised me with the number of casualties. I ended up with a pretty good workout... dashing from area to area, and well, ending with Mr. Chad Goh himself conducting a decentralised cool down before the hike brief. After that, I went to watch a softball match, but ended up flaring at the last group who was there for the situational games. Though it was only a friendly, the way they refused to listen to the seniors who were nicely offering advice, the way they shouted at the red shirts across the "crowd", did nothing but piss me off to a point I couldn't take it and flared up at them... it was uncalled for, and well, I aplogised for that. After that, it was cheering where the red shirts pumped themselves and ended up crying... and then mass dance was pretty good... danced with Carene for friendship, and found their mass dance needing of polishing... but will they get it...? I wonder...
Then the hike. I joined Cygnus, Shikin and Cheok's group, and the elects with me were Jireh, Jared, Beertini, Elise, Andy and the ever thankful Britney.We had fun! Haha... we sang, we chatted, we competed... We had a lot of fun, and I really bonded with Cygnus pretty fast! Haha... then the sweets and the sugar cane juice I treated them to... well, it was worth it. Now I owe them ice cream! :S Haha... my group was first! Haha... yay! After that, we sat down and had dinner and chatted a lot a lot... before Mr. Goh gave everyone, including the seniors, a hamburger each before we all left to school. The seniors sat in Mr. Goh's lorry, and we sang lots of songs on the way back.
Reached back to school and I prepared to leave, though not until I saw the Elects going for toilet session, and it made me remember my own days... :) I left after that, albeit sadly... but I know that there's only so much time I could afford.
I followed up the next day back in Camp, and had 81 e-mails to clear... shocked is beyond explanations. Haha... but I tried my best to clear them all, which I did albeit with some effort, and then had to rush the CO Conference stuff... and of course, all the result tabulation and stuff like that... it was a headache all by itself. Of course, Thurs was slightly better as well... but nevertheless, I was happy on Thurs...
I met up with Lee Min, whom I have not met or called for the last 4 years, and she has a darling son! Haha.. he's totally adorable, and is so like his mother! Haha... I mean, after 5 mins of meeting, he wanted me to go everywhere with him already! Holding my hand, bringing me everywhere... and I carried him and walked all the way to Lot 1 Shopping Mall, and back... he's honestly adorable... haha... Of course, meeting my good friend from way back was probably what made the night so much more special... I didn't want to go back to camp! Hahaha...
Friday was the MR Parade for 321 SCE at Nee Soon Camp, albeit after CO Conference, which ended pretty early... 3 hours only... :) Yay...
Today... well, I'm fine... haha... driving was fun I guess... haha...
Well, I'm quite positive about the 23rd Council... I've seen some potentials, and some people who need brushing up... but it's like that for every council... they have to work out the kinks themselves, and along the way, perhaps... they'll bond and be a good council... It's always the bonds that make Council so much more special... I'm optimistic for them.
Nil Sine Labore...
This week was great! Cause I was at VJC for the 23rd Elects Camp! :) And that's the main thing that made my day...
On Sunday night, me and Jing-Yi stayed over in school.. we were the only two councillors in the room that night! And we did a lot of things... from sitting there, reading through the timetable for the camp, to walking over the school, to supper at 7-11, followed by bathing in the wee hours of the morning, and then a couple of phone calls, to music softly playing in the night while we lay on the floor, chatting to each other before dozing off at about 0200hrs in the morning.
The next day kickstarted with the Elects coming in, and us sitting there, observing the 22nd in charge of the camp. Well, my main objective, actually, was to observe the Elects, and also the conduct of the camp by 22nd. And their way of conducting the camp was pretty interesting.. there was a DISCO, a WELCO for the camp, and a few other unique approaches to making the camp a good one. Well, Jing and I left for lunch, and we met Audrey and Nigel, before meeting Kelvin for lunch at parkway... we had a good time together... chatting and catching up on old times. After that, we returned to school to observe the cheering and mass dance sessions. 23rd struck me as an enthusiastic lot, though possessing some attitude, but still, they try... 22nd tried to be good camp facilitators, but somehow, lost their cool along the way. It's ok though, we all learn somehow or rather to handle our emotions only later in the camp, as we too lost our cool along the way when we were conducting the camp for 21st. The night was fun for me... I helped set up the candle game, and had the chance to talk to Deborah of is it Debra, who had a sprained ankle... The night then ended with me, Jing, Nigel, Yulan sleeping in the treehouse... :) Nice place to sleep, if I say so myself.
Day 2 started with PT, which sort of surprised me with the number of casualties. I ended up with a pretty good workout... dashing from area to area, and well, ending with Mr. Chad Goh himself conducting a decentralised cool down before the hike brief. After that, I went to watch a softball match, but ended up flaring at the last group who was there for the situational games. Though it was only a friendly, the way they refused to listen to the seniors who were nicely offering advice, the way they shouted at the red shirts across the "crowd", did nothing but piss me off to a point I couldn't take it and flared up at them... it was uncalled for, and well, I aplogised for that. After that, it was cheering where the red shirts pumped themselves and ended up crying... and then mass dance was pretty good... danced with Carene for friendship, and found their mass dance needing of polishing... but will they get it...? I wonder...
Then the hike. I joined Cygnus, Shikin and Cheok's group, and the elects with me were Jireh, Jared, Beertini, Elise, Andy and the ever thankful Britney.We had fun! Haha... we sang, we chatted, we competed... We had a lot of fun, and I really bonded with Cygnus pretty fast! Haha... then the sweets and the sugar cane juice I treated them to... well, it was worth it. Now I owe them ice cream! :S Haha... my group was first! Haha... yay! After that, we sat down and had dinner and chatted a lot a lot... before Mr. Goh gave everyone, including the seniors, a hamburger each before we all left to school. The seniors sat in Mr. Goh's lorry, and we sang lots of songs on the way back.
Reached back to school and I prepared to leave, though not until I saw the Elects going for toilet session, and it made me remember my own days... :) I left after that, albeit sadly... but I know that there's only so much time I could afford.
I followed up the next day back in Camp, and had 81 e-mails to clear... shocked is beyond explanations. Haha... but I tried my best to clear them all, which I did albeit with some effort, and then had to rush the CO Conference stuff... and of course, all the result tabulation and stuff like that... it was a headache all by itself. Of course, Thurs was slightly better as well... but nevertheless, I was happy on Thurs...
I met up with Lee Min, whom I have not met or called for the last 4 years, and she has a darling son! Haha.. he's totally adorable, and is so like his mother! Haha... I mean, after 5 mins of meeting, he wanted me to go everywhere with him already! Holding my hand, bringing me everywhere... and I carried him and walked all the way to Lot 1 Shopping Mall, and back... he's honestly adorable... haha... Of course, meeting my good friend from way back was probably what made the night so much more special... I didn't want to go back to camp! Hahaha...
Friday was the MR Parade for 321 SCE at Nee Soon Camp, albeit after CO Conference, which ended pretty early... 3 hours only... :) Yay...
Today... well, I'm fine... haha... driving was fun I guess... haha...
Well, I'm quite positive about the 23rd Council... I've seen some potentials, and some people who need brushing up... but it's like that for every council... they have to work out the kinks themselves, and along the way, perhaps... they'll bond and be a good council... It's always the bonds that make Council so much more special... I'm optimistic for them.
Nil Sine Labore...
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Dear Mandy...
I just returned from 60/05 OCC Commissioning Parade, and it was reminiscent of my Commissioning Parade... The parade though not like ours, but it was still same... impactful and meaningful... especially when they did the 14-1-2, I felt the same feeling I did when we did it... that euphoria and sense of achievement... I guess for me, that was the highlight of the parade... A synchronised movement, coordinated and in step, and yet, speaking of long ages ago, when war was fought with people standing in ranks and taking turns to fire... so many meanings inculcated into a single drill... it made me smile, thinking of everything... and of course, it didn't surprise me when Meng Siong cried... because, I know I cried for mine...
Commissioning is really a big deal for us... it signifies the fruition of 9 long months of training... and in those 9 months, we've toiled, sweat, laughed and cried, and in those months, we forged friendships, went through rough times, and made the most out of whatever moments we had... We could have been studying, we could have been training, we could have been finding time to just chat with each other... but in some weird sense, it all feels like yesterday... the smell of stale sweat, the cuts and bruises... the times of low morale and great excitement... they're memories to be kept... and one I shall not forget.
Along that journey, I encountered many things... I encountered a lost relationship, I encountered my juniors, but most of all, I encountered many revelations about myself that I had never seen before... and in some weird sense? I'm glad... haha... though I may not have seen them before, I'm glad I saw them now...
I'm an officer of the SAF. And I'm proud to be one, despite all the challenges that come my way, despite all the misgivings that I harbour... I know that this is an achievement that I'm glad to say I have.
To lead, To excel, To Overcome. OCS!
I just returned from 60/05 OCC Commissioning Parade, and it was reminiscent of my Commissioning Parade... The parade though not like ours, but it was still same... impactful and meaningful... especially when they did the 14-1-2, I felt the same feeling I did when we did it... that euphoria and sense of achievement... I guess for me, that was the highlight of the parade... A synchronised movement, coordinated and in step, and yet, speaking of long ages ago, when war was fought with people standing in ranks and taking turns to fire... so many meanings inculcated into a single drill... it made me smile, thinking of everything... and of course, it didn't surprise me when Meng Siong cried... because, I know I cried for mine...
Commissioning is really a big deal for us... it signifies the fruition of 9 long months of training... and in those 9 months, we've toiled, sweat, laughed and cried, and in those months, we forged friendships, went through rough times, and made the most out of whatever moments we had... We could have been studying, we could have been training, we could have been finding time to just chat with each other... but in some weird sense, it all feels like yesterday... the smell of stale sweat, the cuts and bruises... the times of low morale and great excitement... they're memories to be kept... and one I shall not forget.
Along that journey, I encountered many things... I encountered a lost relationship, I encountered my juniors, but most of all, I encountered many revelations about myself that I had never seen before... and in some weird sense? I'm glad... haha... though I may not have seen them before, I'm glad I saw them now...
I'm an officer of the SAF. And I'm proud to be one, despite all the challenges that come my way, despite all the misgivings that I harbour... I know that this is an achievement that I'm glad to say I have.
To lead, To excel, To Overcome. OCS!
Friday, March 10, 2006
Dear Mandy...
It's been a long week... and I seem to say the same of every week, but this week was seriously quite tedious... I mean it...
Lesson plans played the major highlight in this week's edition of life in the office... I mean, I got thrown a grand total of about 16 lesson plans to update, and I've hit the ALL TIME HIGH of updating 5O LESSON PLANS! Haha.. take that! Of course, then add on the fact that I had to find and update the ATP lesson plan within 1 hr! Haha... I'm pretty proud of my achievements with respect to less on plans lorz... even if it meant working until 11pm one night, and until 9pm for the other... :S
Of course, Lesson plans actually sparked an e-mail conference that resulted in some tensions being raised here and there... and well, with me stuck in between... and there was the other argument between another two parties... with me stuck in between again... I felt really unhappy, and very very uncomfortable... it was a horrible position to be... And one I know won't be the last... We're also currently in this huge revolutionary change, and though I know it'll be for the better of our unit, it is difficult. But I'm willing to give it a shot.
Then came that long chat with my boss again... and I'm glad that I have MAJ Lim as my boss. Haha... he's really very nice, and I know that I can go to him when I have any problems. I also got enlightened quite a fair bit after talking to him, and well, I'm honestly quite thankful I guess. I may be busy, overworked, but at the very least, I know that I'm quite happy where I am.
I need to clear my SOC soon. :) I wanna clear it fast. Haha... Then got one less problem on my hands... though range is really the most pressing problem for me...
Alright, over with my Army happenings... moving on to personal things...
I'm trying my best to not let things affect me, but in some funny way, it still does. I get sad and I wish I could tell her, but she's always busy... and then I realise that there's really no one else that I'd rather tell, so in the end, I just pent it back up inside of myself and make myself become really tired emotionally... sigh... But, I'm still optimistic. I'm happy to be her friend..
I'll be strong for her....
It's been a long week... and I seem to say the same of every week, but this week was seriously quite tedious... I mean it...
Lesson plans played the major highlight in this week's edition of life in the office... I mean, I got thrown a grand total of about 16 lesson plans to update, and I've hit the ALL TIME HIGH of updating 5O LESSON PLANS! Haha.. take that! Of course, then add on the fact that I had to find and update the ATP lesson plan within 1 hr! Haha... I'm pretty proud of my achievements with respect to less on plans lorz... even if it meant working until 11pm one night, and until 9pm for the other... :S
Of course, Lesson plans actually sparked an e-mail conference that resulted in some tensions being raised here and there... and well, with me stuck in between... and there was the other argument between another two parties... with me stuck in between again... I felt really unhappy, and very very uncomfortable... it was a horrible position to be... And one I know won't be the last... We're also currently in this huge revolutionary change, and though I know it'll be for the better of our unit, it is difficult. But I'm willing to give it a shot.
Then came that long chat with my boss again... and I'm glad that I have MAJ Lim as my boss. Haha... he's really very nice, and I know that I can go to him when I have any problems. I also got enlightened quite a fair bit after talking to him, and well, I'm honestly quite thankful I guess. I may be busy, overworked, but at the very least, I know that I'm quite happy where I am.
I need to clear my SOC soon. :) I wanna clear it fast. Haha... Then got one less problem on my hands... though range is really the most pressing problem for me...
Alright, over with my Army happenings... moving on to personal things...
I'm trying my best to not let things affect me, but in some funny way, it still does. I get sad and I wish I could tell her, but she's always busy... and then I realise that there's really no one else that I'd rather tell, so in the end, I just pent it back up inside of myself and make myself become really tired emotionally... sigh... But, I'm still optimistic. I'm happy to be her friend..
I'll be strong for her....
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Dear Mandy...
This week was been a relatively ok week, I think... apart from seeing my boss become quite upset with certain things, and a few weird happenings. in camp, things were slightly better... Thus, for the first time in a long time, I shall not write about camp...
On Wednesday, I went out with Kalyn... it was supposed to be dinner actually... we ended up shopping at Far East instead. Had dinner at this Japanese Restaurant at Far East before we took a bus home... the whole way through, we chatted about some things, the past... and also singing... haha... then walked her home... so yep. That was my Bn Nights' Out.
Friday... well, nothing very significant...
Today is Victorians' Day... and well, I had a blast... it felt so like old days... 19th was organising the event, and well, in the end, I helped them with the things.. shifting stocks, doing decor... so from 11am till 1400hrs, I was quite happy to help them. Then the event kick started, and I wondered if I should go back to VS to see Victorian's Day... in the end, I couldn't leave VJC, and I know I ought to be guilty, but thing was, I ended up being relieved instead... I could do mass dance, where people were greatly needed, and I could play floorball, because Jason added me into Sunshine team... and I could help out 19th with some things as and when they needed me... I felt more needed there, and in the end, I was happy with my choice.
I met so many 19th today... Chi Ching mommy, Wendy dear, Lauretta Xue Jie, Harminder, Harish, Kin Fei, Ervin, Pearlyn, Jiahuan, Stephanie, Edward, Izzati, Eugene, Ian Tan, Ian Cheng, Benjamin Tung, Weihan, Li Dan, Tan En and Sadu. And of course, my beloved council... Joanna, Sangeeta, Priya, Li Juan, Hui Zhi, Rachel, Sharon, Zahida, Melissa, Hui Yi, Amy, Jason, Edrei, Sanjay, Deepak, David, Sanjeewa... We were really... really. united... 19th and 20th... and of course, there was Yulan... the only 21st who appeared today...
I wondered...will we still be so committed to Council and VJC as we grow older... will we still be close friends? Or will we just be just like a leaf? Once its term is over, it falls to the ground, just to be blown away by the wind? I realised, that I walked away from VJC with a group of dependable, reliable friends... friends I know I can always rely on to be there... friends I trust so much... friends I treasure. I was happy today.
Nil Sine Labore.
This week was been a relatively ok week, I think... apart from seeing my boss become quite upset with certain things, and a few weird happenings. in camp, things were slightly better... Thus, for the first time in a long time, I shall not write about camp...
On Wednesday, I went out with Kalyn... it was supposed to be dinner actually... we ended up shopping at Far East instead. Had dinner at this Japanese Restaurant at Far East before we took a bus home... the whole way through, we chatted about some things, the past... and also singing... haha... then walked her home... so yep. That was my Bn Nights' Out.
Friday... well, nothing very significant...
Today is Victorians' Day... and well, I had a blast... it felt so like old days... 19th was organising the event, and well, in the end, I helped them with the things.. shifting stocks, doing decor... so from 11am till 1400hrs, I was quite happy to help them. Then the event kick started, and I wondered if I should go back to VS to see Victorian's Day... in the end, I couldn't leave VJC, and I know I ought to be guilty, but thing was, I ended up being relieved instead... I could do mass dance, where people were greatly needed, and I could play floorball, because Jason added me into Sunshine team... and I could help out 19th with some things as and when they needed me... I felt more needed there, and in the end, I was happy with my choice.
I met so many 19th today... Chi Ching mommy, Wendy dear, Lauretta Xue Jie, Harminder, Harish, Kin Fei, Ervin, Pearlyn, Jiahuan, Stephanie, Edward, Izzati, Eugene, Ian Tan, Ian Cheng, Benjamin Tung, Weihan, Li Dan, Tan En and Sadu. And of course, my beloved council... Joanna, Sangeeta, Priya, Li Juan, Hui Zhi, Rachel, Sharon, Zahida, Melissa, Hui Yi, Amy, Jason, Edrei, Sanjay, Deepak, David, Sanjeewa... We were really... really. united... 19th and 20th... and of course, there was Yulan... the only 21st who appeared today...
I wondered...will we still be so committed to Council and VJC as we grow older... will we still be close friends? Or will we just be just like a leaf? Once its term is over, it falls to the ground, just to be blown away by the wind? I realised, that I walked away from VJC with a group of dependable, reliable friends... friends I know I can always rely on to be there... friends I trust so much... friends I treasure. I was happy today.
Nil Sine Labore.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Dear Mandy...
Another week has passed, and it seems to me as though I'm living it a week by a week... And it's really kinda weird to me, because I realise that it becomes increasingly harder for me to keep track of time in general cause I cannot really remember everything that has happened within a week anymore... I'll try to recap...
So far, in camp wise, the most interesting thing that has happened to me must be the fact that CO Conference held on Friday started at 0830 hours till 1630 hours, and I'm not joking... I was struggling to stay awake the moment the CO Conference became the SMS Audit meeting... And the thing is... I have absolutely no idea how detailed my minutes are going to be, because the meeting had a life of it's own... like, a new topic can just literally develop by itself, and I'm left wondering how in the WORLD am I going to write about that point, and then a totally new topic comes out of nowhere, and I'm left trying to grasp where my minutes is going to come from, and how I'm going to handle my minutes. Not fun, I swear.
Then well, I had a friendly chat with my boss, and he praised my batch of officers... well, those that he sees working often I suppose? Me, Gabriel, Meng Kit, Zhiyuan, Maureen, John, etc.. and I really felt quite happy when he did it... and of course, he told me some of my mistakes, and that made me really understand where I needed to improve as a dys3. Well, I really am thankful for such an understanding boss... and also for the really hardworking and meticulous trg spec and ops WO that I have... :)
Now, I'm once again ever thankful for the good friends that I have in camp, of late, Gabriel, Maureen and Zhiyuan... for being there for me, and listening to me, and stuff like that... Gabriel for work related things, Maureen and Zhiyuan for other stuff...
Now, on to things out of camp? Well, I'm beginning to understand how important it is to be unconditionally there for someone you honestly love... as in, it's really surprising how I just wish for her to be happy... and how I'm really willing to take all the unhappiness, as long as she's happy. But it can really be very saddening and disconcerting, to the extent that I end up being melancholy and withdrawn and immersing myself in work, ending up losing track of time, I suppose.. resulting in my present memory lapses. But, I'm pretty certain what I'm doing will eventually result in me being happy, because if it makes her happy... I will be happy too.
Another week has passed, and it seems to me as though I'm living it a week by a week... And it's really kinda weird to me, because I realise that it becomes increasingly harder for me to keep track of time in general cause I cannot really remember everything that has happened within a week anymore... I'll try to recap...
So far, in camp wise, the most interesting thing that has happened to me must be the fact that CO Conference held on Friday started at 0830 hours till 1630 hours, and I'm not joking... I was struggling to stay awake the moment the CO Conference became the SMS Audit meeting... And the thing is... I have absolutely no idea how detailed my minutes are going to be, because the meeting had a life of it's own... like, a new topic can just literally develop by itself, and I'm left wondering how in the WORLD am I going to write about that point, and then a totally new topic comes out of nowhere, and I'm left trying to grasp where my minutes is going to come from, and how I'm going to handle my minutes. Not fun, I swear.
Then well, I had a friendly chat with my boss, and he praised my batch of officers... well, those that he sees working often I suppose? Me, Gabriel, Meng Kit, Zhiyuan, Maureen, John, etc.. and I really felt quite happy when he did it... and of course, he told me some of my mistakes, and that made me really understand where I needed to improve as a dys3. Well, I really am thankful for such an understanding boss... and also for the really hardworking and meticulous trg spec and ops WO that I have... :)
Now, I'm once again ever thankful for the good friends that I have in camp, of late, Gabriel, Maureen and Zhiyuan... for being there for me, and listening to me, and stuff like that... Gabriel for work related things, Maureen and Zhiyuan for other stuff...
Now, on to things out of camp? Well, I'm beginning to understand how important it is to be unconditionally there for someone you honestly love... as in, it's really surprising how I just wish for her to be happy... and how I'm really willing to take all the unhappiness, as long as she's happy. But it can really be very saddening and disconcerting, to the extent that I end up being melancholy and withdrawn and immersing myself in work, ending up losing track of time, I suppose.. resulting in my present memory lapses. But, I'm pretty certain what I'm doing will eventually result in me being happy, because if it makes her happy... I will be happy too.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Dear Mandy...
I'm afraid I've done something wrong, and I'm afraid that I've lost someone very important to me because I said the wrong thing... I really don't know. I'm paranoid now...
I spend half my day today walking with some of the 22nd around Singapore... from VJC to Bedok Reservoir park to Tampines Mall to Hougang Heartland mall... and it was a last minute on impulse thing that I did... I ended up enjoying the walk, the company, it felt so much like EOCC days... and also because it took my mind off a lot of things that have been pressing on me for the last week or so. I guess I was so lost in the walking and enjoying the moment that I ended up being pretty much over excited, and over tired at the end. My knees started aching like they did after 24km route march, and I guess I know that I pushed myself a tad too hard... but I enjoyed it... that's what's important... it's been sometime since I last enjoyed pushing myself past the limit.
Also, the 7km run with Meng Siong and Syazwan this morning... we ran at a comfortable pace, and we chatted the whole time through, just like old days in VS and VJC... it felt awfully good... Meeting up with friends who I haven't seen for a long time... And it's with two friends who've been with me since Sec 1. I realise how much I appreciate such meetings now...
It does make me wonder about how much time I'll actually have to catch up with my friends once I actually head out to the working world... I'm kind of sad that some of us will definitely drift away, and some will go on their own individual ways, but I guess that the memories we shared are very much important, and they'll always be to me.
I'm afraid I've done something wrong, and I'm afraid that I've lost someone very important to me because I said the wrong thing... I really don't know. I'm paranoid now...
I spend half my day today walking with some of the 22nd around Singapore... from VJC to Bedok Reservoir park to Tampines Mall to Hougang Heartland mall... and it was a last minute on impulse thing that I did... I ended up enjoying the walk, the company, it felt so much like EOCC days... and also because it took my mind off a lot of things that have been pressing on me for the last week or so. I guess I was so lost in the walking and enjoying the moment that I ended up being pretty much over excited, and over tired at the end. My knees started aching like they did after 24km route march, and I guess I know that I pushed myself a tad too hard... but I enjoyed it... that's what's important... it's been sometime since I last enjoyed pushing myself past the limit.
Also, the 7km run with Meng Siong and Syazwan this morning... we ran at a comfortable pace, and we chatted the whole time through, just like old days in VS and VJC... it felt awfully good... Meeting up with friends who I haven't seen for a long time... And it's with two friends who've been with me since Sec 1. I realise how much I appreciate such meetings now...
It does make me wonder about how much time I'll actually have to catch up with my friends once I actually head out to the working world... I'm kind of sad that some of us will definitely drift away, and some will go on their own individual ways, but I guess that the memories we shared are very much important, and they'll always be to me.
Friday, February 10, 2006
Dear Mandy...
Hey... what a week this has been! I've been so busy, I completely forgot which day of the week I was in, and I kept thinking of the wrong things on the wrong dates. I wish I had a nice family back in VJC, but I'm glad for the understanding boss I have, and the committed Officer colleagues that I have.
I was so drained this week.. gosh. Haha... but it's perfectly fine with me... it takes my mind off certain things, and from thinking too much. So I'd really prefer to be drained and just totally hide away in my small little corner in the mess and not be bothered by people. Haha... I can live with being low profile, in fact, I think I'd probably love it... I've really had enough of being known... I'd like to be less well known now... to finally be able to focus on the things I want to...
It sounds like a simple wish right? And it honestly is... I just... I dunno. Haha... it seems kinda impossible for that to happen to me... no matter who I tell of this wish... they'll all say that that won't happen. Haha... I guess that may be true... but I'll try.
I got very disappointed on Wednesday... but I knew better than to let it show. It's no big reason la... just... something. :)
Hey... what a week this has been! I've been so busy, I completely forgot which day of the week I was in, and I kept thinking of the wrong things on the wrong dates. I wish I had a nice family back in VJC, but I'm glad for the understanding boss I have, and the committed Officer colleagues that I have.
I was so drained this week.. gosh. Haha... but it's perfectly fine with me... it takes my mind off certain things, and from thinking too much. So I'd really prefer to be drained and just totally hide away in my small little corner in the mess and not be bothered by people. Haha... I can live with being low profile, in fact, I think I'd probably love it... I've really had enough of being known... I'd like to be less well known now... to finally be able to focus on the things I want to...
It sounds like a simple wish right? And it honestly is... I just... I dunno. Haha... it seems kinda impossible for that to happen to me... no matter who I tell of this wish... they'll all say that that won't happen. Haha... I guess that may be true... but I'll try.
I got very disappointed on Wednesday... but I knew better than to let it show. It's no big reason la... just... something. :)
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Dear Mandy...
I'm appalled... I think I should hide away... I cannot believe how over confident I think of myself, nor the way of how pushy I actually have become... It's not good... not good at all... Can I be the same me I once was?
I need to be less caring, less sensitive, less emotional and not think so much. I should work until I drop. I shouldn't care abt people.
What should I do?
I'm appalled... I think I should hide away... I cannot believe how over confident I think of myself, nor the way of how pushy I actually have become... It's not good... not good at all... Can I be the same me I once was?
I need to be less caring, less sensitive, less emotional and not think so much. I should work until I drop. I shouldn't care abt people.
What should I do?
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Dear Mandy...
I've got so much on my mind, I'm bogged! Haha... there's a lot of things I need to do... but then again, I'm still apprehensive about taking a step forward and talking to higher authorities... Though I am glad about the very nice superiors that I have.
VS130.... haha... the organising committee for the VS 130th Anniversary Dinner... I'm looking forward to having a blast being the YOUNGEST member of the committee... Hee... It's like organising a mass scale gala dinner, quite like Council days, but I'd have to balance it with my work, and also, all the up and coming activities that my S3 has put me in as well, though I'm happy that 2 of the 3 major activities will be over by 16th Feb o6... haha. I think it'd be a good experience... and a good learning event for me. I know that I may complain a bit, but I believe in the end, I will be happy I joined. :)
I have my IPPT to clear, my SOC to clear... My Combat shoot is coming up... sighhhh... Haha... I see my responsibilities all coming up, and I'm slightly overwhelmed by everything I have to do... Haha... It's a good challenge though, and now I guess I understand why Dy S3 is not an easy job. Then again, any role is never easy, and until you fully grasp it, you won't enjoy it... but up till now, I think I quite like my job, save the fact that I need to find some time to run... maybe I ought to wake up earlier... haha...
Valentine's day or in my case, friendship day is coming up. Haha... happy Friendship day, everyone. I think I'll have SMS Audit that very day. Sadly... haha... but then again, there's no one special that I have to do anything for though, and well, if you honestly ask me... haha... nvm... personal thought.
I went up to NTU for the 2nd time in 2 months on Thursday, and I met Jessamyn, Maggie, Wenting, Jacqueline Seng, Sara and Tingting... haha... and Maggie and Wenting started joshing me about remembering Lily Chan and Xinhui... dunno la... haha... but they seem pretty stressed with Uni... not having enough time for themselves, and things like that... but I'd honestly like to try it out...
I don't know what to do with my life... haha... I guess I get that a lot.
I've got so much on my mind, I'm bogged! Haha... there's a lot of things I need to do... but then again, I'm still apprehensive about taking a step forward and talking to higher authorities... Though I am glad about the very nice superiors that I have.
VS130.... haha... the organising committee for the VS 130th Anniversary Dinner... I'm looking forward to having a blast being the YOUNGEST member of the committee... Hee... It's like organising a mass scale gala dinner, quite like Council days, but I'd have to balance it with my work, and also, all the up and coming activities that my S3 has put me in as well, though I'm happy that 2 of the 3 major activities will be over by 16th Feb o6... haha. I think it'd be a good experience... and a good learning event for me. I know that I may complain a bit, but I believe in the end, I will be happy I joined. :)
I have my IPPT to clear, my SOC to clear... My Combat shoot is coming up... sighhhh... Haha... I see my responsibilities all coming up, and I'm slightly overwhelmed by everything I have to do... Haha... It's a good challenge though, and now I guess I understand why Dy S3 is not an easy job. Then again, any role is never easy, and until you fully grasp it, you won't enjoy it... but up till now, I think I quite like my job, save the fact that I need to find some time to run... maybe I ought to wake up earlier... haha...
Valentine's day or in my case, friendship day is coming up. Haha... happy Friendship day, everyone. I think I'll have SMS Audit that very day. Sadly... haha... but then again, there's no one special that I have to do anything for though, and well, if you honestly ask me... haha... nvm... personal thought.
I went up to NTU for the 2nd time in 2 months on Thursday, and I met Jessamyn, Maggie, Wenting, Jacqueline Seng, Sara and Tingting... haha... and Maggie and Wenting started joshing me about remembering Lily Chan and Xinhui... dunno la... haha... but they seem pretty stressed with Uni... not having enough time for themselves, and things like that... but I'd honestly like to try it out...
I don't know what to do with my life... haha... I guess I get that a lot.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Dear Mandy...
It's now CNY... how fast time has flown... I'm already close to 2 months in 30SCE... It really felt pretty surreal... u know... about how I'm supposed to be already ingrained into the lifestyle of 30 SCE, to know pretty much what I'm supposed to know, and yet... I'm still trying... you know? There's still DOO duties to be familiar with... and there's still so many up and coming events, including my IPPT and SOC to clear, that I honestly feel like there's so much more I need to do to make myself more proficient... I'll keep trying. :)
On a separate note... I really need to re find my place in almost everywhere... What do I want to be, and what do I want to achieve? It's been so long since I've last contemplated that thought... I feel... as I always say... like a great big pea rattling around in a pan with other peas, not knowing where I belong of fit in... yeah. That pretty sums up my feelings... haha... oh don't get me wrong, I may be afraid of faulting or not making things happen, but I am still thankful for the challenges.
Life is funny sometimes... and yes, I'm beginning to just like this line in the Sonnets: The sun itself sees not till the heavens clear... if you people know what I'm talking about.. :)
It's now CNY... how fast time has flown... I'm already close to 2 months in 30SCE... It really felt pretty surreal... u know... about how I'm supposed to be already ingrained into the lifestyle of 30 SCE, to know pretty much what I'm supposed to know, and yet... I'm still trying... you know? There's still DOO duties to be familiar with... and there's still so many up and coming events, including my IPPT and SOC to clear, that I honestly feel like there's so much more I need to do to make myself more proficient... I'll keep trying. :)
On a separate note... I really need to re find my place in almost everywhere... What do I want to be, and what do I want to achieve? It's been so long since I've last contemplated that thought... I feel... as I always say... like a great big pea rattling around in a pan with other peas, not knowing where I belong of fit in... yeah. That pretty sums up my feelings... haha... oh don't get me wrong, I may be afraid of faulting or not making things happen, but I am still thankful for the challenges.
Life is funny sometimes... and yes, I'm beginning to just like this line in the Sonnets: The sun itself sees not till the heavens clear... if you people know what I'm talking about.. :)
Friday, January 27, 2006
Dear Mandy...
Have you ever felt like you're not good enough for somebody? I feel that all the time... It's not really so much if I'm a good friend or not, I think I make an above average friend... It's whether I'm good enough for the girl of my dreams...
I'm not saying I have someone in mind... it's just... I've never seen myself as being a perfect boyfriend for my special someone. I have my flaws... and it's not something I'm proud to say I have... I'd like, very much, to be that sweet, loving, wonderful boyfriend that all the girls that are happily attached say about their boyfriend, but I'm afraid I can't live up to the expectations of my special someone... I try... so so hard sometimes... but it's not always enough...
You know? I want to always be there for my special someone... to be able to protect her from harm and the harsh realities of the world... to be her strength, her support... to be her superman? Haha... that's a literal term... but I'm not all that. How can I be? I'm restricted... I'm a workaholic... I'm so much contradicting what I want to be for my special someone... I don't even know if I have the courage to tell my special someone that I feel something more than just friends towards her...
Haha... 4 failed relationships, and I place the blame on myself, because if I had been able to do more, perhaps it wouldn't be 4 failed relationships, but one wonderful, meaningful one... I'm afraid I've lost the capacity to take that kind of pain anymore, u know? It's to the extent that... well... I'm just happy to... to be seen and not overseen? As in... that as long as she's happy, and she's still in contact with me... I guess I'll be happy for her as well... Maybe I won't even want to get attached anymore... because... I'm not certain I can bring my special someone happiness anymore...
It's just a few thoughts that went through me when I watched "Sweet November" and "A Cinderella story"... it just sets me thinking, you know?
Have you ever felt like you're not good enough for somebody? I feel that all the time... It's not really so much if I'm a good friend or not, I think I make an above average friend... It's whether I'm good enough for the girl of my dreams...
I'm not saying I have someone in mind... it's just... I've never seen myself as being a perfect boyfriend for my special someone. I have my flaws... and it's not something I'm proud to say I have... I'd like, very much, to be that sweet, loving, wonderful boyfriend that all the girls that are happily attached say about their boyfriend, but I'm afraid I can't live up to the expectations of my special someone... I try... so so hard sometimes... but it's not always enough...
You know? I want to always be there for my special someone... to be able to protect her from harm and the harsh realities of the world... to be her strength, her support... to be her superman? Haha... that's a literal term... but I'm not all that. How can I be? I'm restricted... I'm a workaholic... I'm so much contradicting what I want to be for my special someone... I don't even know if I have the courage to tell my special someone that I feel something more than just friends towards her...
Haha... 4 failed relationships, and I place the blame on myself, because if I had been able to do more, perhaps it wouldn't be 4 failed relationships, but one wonderful, meaningful one... I'm afraid I've lost the capacity to take that kind of pain anymore, u know? It's to the extent that... well... I'm just happy to... to be seen and not overseen? As in... that as long as she's happy, and she's still in contact with me... I guess I'll be happy for her as well... Maybe I won't even want to get attached anymore... because... I'm not certain I can bring my special someone happiness anymore...
It's just a few thoughts that went through me when I watched "Sweet November" and "A Cinderella story"... it just sets me thinking, you know?
Dear Mandy...
It's the long CNY break now, and I could really use the breather... haha... everyone's busy this time of year. Be it school, or army... things are pretty hectic around this time.
The new applications for the VJC 23rd SC have came in... and so are the Musicfest forms! Haha... everything's picking up once again, and pretty soon, it's going to be the match support season! I can't wait to go down to the matches that are coming up! To cheer, and revel in the supporting phase... SO MUCH FUN!!!
Haha... alright... got nothing else to say le... will write more when I'm in the mood...
It's the long CNY break now, and I could really use the breather... haha... everyone's busy this time of year. Be it school, or army... things are pretty hectic around this time.
The new applications for the VJC 23rd SC have came in... and so are the Musicfest forms! Haha... everything's picking up once again, and pretty soon, it's going to be the match support season! I can't wait to go down to the matches that are coming up! To cheer, and revel in the supporting phase... SO MUCH FUN!!!
Haha... alright... got nothing else to say le... will write more when I'm in the mood...
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Dear Mandy...
I'm so touched by a testimonial I just received online...
"Friendship is never an accident. It is always the result of high intentions, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution. It represents the wise choice of many alternatives. This guy understood every bit of that and i am thankful to have such a fren... heez..=) Take care ya? Seeya soon!!!"
-Jasmine
It's awfully sweet and simple... yet touching and really really... it's one of my most favourite testimonials by far! Actually...it's easily one of my top 2 most favourite and most meaningful testimonials... Jasmine's and Kristy mei's... :) I'm awfully thankful for them... especially Jasmine's testimonial, cause I've hardly done anything much for her... So... thank you Jas... :)
On a separate note.. CNY is coming... wow... so fast... and then, and then... it'd be Valentine's Day! Haha... I guess it's going to be another lonely day. :)
I love me friends.
I'm so touched by a testimonial I just received online...
"Friendship is never an accident. It is always the result of high intentions, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution. It represents the wise choice of many alternatives. This guy understood every bit of that and i am thankful to have such a fren... heez..=) Take care ya? Seeya soon!!!"
-Jasmine
It's awfully sweet and simple... yet touching and really really... it's one of my most favourite testimonials by far! Actually...it's easily one of my top 2 most favourite and most meaningful testimonials... Jasmine's and Kristy mei's... :) I'm awfully thankful for them... especially Jasmine's testimonial, cause I've hardly done anything much for her... So... thank you Jas... :)
On a separate note.. CNY is coming... wow... so fast... and then, and then... it'd be Valentine's Day! Haha... I guess it's going to be another lonely day. :)
I love me friends.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Dear Mandy...
I now understand why people are workaholics... I think I'll become one before time... When I'm out of the office, and someone calls me, and it's Army related, I can get all flustered, and wish I was back in the office with all my things around me... and well... it does stop me from thinking about a lot of other things... and I'm definitely more focused...
And yet, it is draining... I am very tired at the end of the day, and it is all I can do before I lie on the bed as one of the earliest people in the bunk to sleep... Haha.. so unlike me right? I find that no matter how many hours of sleep i get.. I'm not rested enough the next day to be fulling awake the entire day in the office... but I digress...
I find joy in going to NTU to find people... friends... haha... and It's nice... really... to be able to find someone non-army related... where for that 2 hours plus, you are just... you... even in Uniform... can u believe? I forget I'm in uniform when I was there! Haha... I almost reverted to myself if it wasn't for the fact that I'm green and the others are not! Haha..
Goshz... I'll end here... haha...
I now understand why people are workaholics... I think I'll become one before time... When I'm out of the office, and someone calls me, and it's Army related, I can get all flustered, and wish I was back in the office with all my things around me... and well... it does stop me from thinking about a lot of other things... and I'm definitely more focused...
And yet, it is draining... I am very tired at the end of the day, and it is all I can do before I lie on the bed as one of the earliest people in the bunk to sleep... Haha.. so unlike me right? I find that no matter how many hours of sleep i get.. I'm not rested enough the next day to be fulling awake the entire day in the office... but I digress...
I find joy in going to NTU to find people... friends... haha... and It's nice... really... to be able to find someone non-army related... where for that 2 hours plus, you are just... you... even in Uniform... can u believe? I forget I'm in uniform when I was there! Haha... I almost reverted to myself if it wasn't for the fact that I'm green and the others are not! Haha..
Goshz... I'll end here... haha...
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Dear Mandy...
I was in VJC all alone in the Council room when I came across our old SDD file... I sat down, and started flipping through the file, and suddenly, I felt transported back in time, to 2003/2004... to being an active VJC Councillor. And that feeling... that... adrenaline rush! That nostalgia... I almost broke down right there and then... as I thought back on every single event, every single activity that we'd been through together as Councillors of the 20th Students' Council.
It's so sad? That our Council all go our own separate ways... but I do believe... someday, we'll all be back together again... but never a full council. I believe strongly abou that... that someday... :)
I was in VJC all alone in the Council room when I came across our old SDD file... I sat down, and started flipping through the file, and suddenly, I felt transported back in time, to 2003/2004... to being an active VJC Councillor. And that feeling... that... adrenaline rush! That nostalgia... I almost broke down right there and then... as I thought back on every single event, every single activity that we'd been through together as Councillors of the 20th Students' Council.
It's so sad? That our Council all go our own separate ways... but I do believe... someday, we'll all be back together again... but never a full council. I believe strongly abou that... that someday... :)
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Dear Mandy...
Isn't it funny how everything is actually ambiguous, but it all depends on personal opinion to make it seem not ambiguous? Haha... I mean, it's perfectly alright to take a side, but if you look at it, and be neutral about it, you realise that actually, you can see that the truth lies that it can go either way... for every one thing, there is an opposite... I remember Newton's laws of forces... For every force exerted there is an equal and opposite force... try using that in real life... :)
Well, I've been thinking and thinking a lot of late, whenever I am awake, alert and free... about lots and lots of things... and if you ask me... I have absolutely no idea why I'm thinking so much either! Haha... it's weird, but a sort of calm weird cause I'm thinking of things that are related to me.. that may make me a better person, that may make my life slightly better, but I digress. Haha...
I've never felt so miffed before... haha... two good juniors of mine who confirmed the movie of Elizabethtown on thurs, just cancelled it yesterday! So sad!! :( Haha... but nvm... things like this always happen. So, yep! I'm used to it!
I sent my mei off to NYU today, and it was such a huge party there... haha. But I'm sad to see her go.. she's been such a good friend.... :) Haha... I like talking to her... haha..
Alright... that's all for now... may write more later if I start contemplating even more things... haha... so yep. Later!
Isn't it funny how everything is actually ambiguous, but it all depends on personal opinion to make it seem not ambiguous? Haha... I mean, it's perfectly alright to take a side, but if you look at it, and be neutral about it, you realise that actually, you can see that the truth lies that it can go either way... for every one thing, there is an opposite... I remember Newton's laws of forces... For every force exerted there is an equal and opposite force... try using that in real life... :)
Well, I've been thinking and thinking a lot of late, whenever I am awake, alert and free... about lots and lots of things... and if you ask me... I have absolutely no idea why I'm thinking so much either! Haha... it's weird, but a sort of calm weird cause I'm thinking of things that are related to me.. that may make me a better person, that may make my life slightly better, but I digress. Haha...
I've never felt so miffed before... haha... two good juniors of mine who confirmed the movie of Elizabethtown on thurs, just cancelled it yesterday! So sad!! :( Haha... but nvm... things like this always happen. So, yep! I'm used to it!
I sent my mei off to NYU today, and it was such a huge party there... haha. But I'm sad to see her go.. she's been such a good friend.... :) Haha... I like talking to her... haha..
Alright... that's all for now... may write more later if I start contemplating even more things... haha... so yep. Later!
Friday, January 13, 2006
Dear Mandy...
I'm gradually settling in, but there are my bad days... haha. I mean, so far, I think that I'm doing enough to stay alive, but sometimes, it takes a huge toll on me. I can commit simple mistakes, but hey... I need to learn to be better, and I hope it's a hard way of learning!
Well, actually, I have nothing much to write... just felt like coming here to say what's on my mind. I really wish that there was more I could do... Oh well... I'll try. :)
I'm gradually settling in, but there are my bad days... haha. I mean, so far, I think that I'm doing enough to stay alive, but sometimes, it takes a huge toll on me. I can commit simple mistakes, but hey... I need to learn to be better, and I hope it's a hard way of learning!
Well, actually, I have nothing much to write... just felt like coming here to say what's on my mind. I really wish that there was more I could do... Oh well... I'll try. :)
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Dear Mandy...
After some rest, and having sufficiently calmed down, I'm pretty sure that I'm stable now. Thanks to Kalyn, who gave me a huge wake up call yesterday, and my jie, LTA Yee San and Jasmine Chan... Haha... things aren't as bad as they seem... it's perhaps the fear of testing the unknown in the army that holds me back and makes me seem vulnerable. I guess that's probably the case. Thanks also to the people who care a lot for me and are willing to be there for me, I appreciate the gesture. :)
I think that what Shih wrote on her blog is kinda right... I believe I'm partly guilty of that as well... That's probably why I try to keep everything to myself.. haha... or rather, why I complain so much sometimes... Perhaps it's self pity, which isn't that good... Haha... the thoughts in my head are not coherent... neither are they forming logical sentences... My mind is a tad of mumbo jumbo now... :S
After some rest, and having sufficiently calmed down, I'm pretty sure that I'm stable now. Thanks to Kalyn, who gave me a huge wake up call yesterday, and my jie, LTA Yee San and Jasmine Chan... Haha... things aren't as bad as they seem... it's perhaps the fear of testing the unknown in the army that holds me back and makes me seem vulnerable. I guess that's probably the case. Thanks also to the people who care a lot for me and are willing to be there for me, I appreciate the gesture. :)
I think that what Shih wrote on her blog is kinda right... I believe I'm partly guilty of that as well... That's probably why I try to keep everything to myself.. haha... or rather, why I complain so much sometimes... Perhaps it's self pity, which isn't that good... Haha... the thoughts in my head are not coherent... neither are they forming logical sentences... My mind is a tad of mumbo jumbo now... :S
Monday, January 09, 2006
Dear Mandy...
Have you ever felt like you're in over your head and you are just bogged down by everything that has suddenly came to clamp you over your head? I'm suffering that now... or rather, everytime something happens. In my new role in 30 SCE, I'm suddenly having to really contemplate everything before I make a decision... the army seems like it's mostly about covering your own ass, which trust me, isn't the way I like it. I used to love being able to forge ahead with a new idea, testing the water, trying it out, which perhaps has rubbed off on me and resulted in myself being less meticulous, and which I think is a good thing with regards to my new job, making me more meticulous.
What I'm really upset about is that I can't seem to do anything right... and I'm getting very unhappy about that... I've committed mistake after mistake, and it's really something I need to curb... it's not that I'm not trying... I am... but sometimes, I just can't seem to get things right, no matter how I try... I'm weary, and tired, and there's so many things to do at one shot.... the last two days... on sat and sun... I slept a total of 10 plus hours excluding at night, because I just felt lethargic, and perhaps also a need to escape the harsh reality of life that has pressurised me into being a workaholic at a computer again... I don't want that! I look at my list of things to do, and I can sense sleepless nights and long hours once again!
It's really pretty lonely when you look at it through my eyes sometimes, and what makes me feel slightly better is the understanding that I get from my own batchmates and the people around me... those that are understanding, that is... It's something that I'm beginning to appreciate, no matter how small the gesture.
And the worst part of it all... I have nobody to talk to about it when I sometimes feel on the brink of breaking down... Apart from Zhiyuan... who understands me in camp, and Anhua, who accommodates my long, lamenting e-mails... but I really am afraid to approach others anymore... they're busy with their own lives, burdened by their own problems... what gives me the RIGHT to add on my troubles to their accumulating scale of stress? Add on the fact that everyone is slowly slipping away... it's another thing that I wish wasn't happening... you know?
Have you ever felt like you're in over your head and you are just bogged down by everything that has suddenly came to clamp you over your head? I'm suffering that now... or rather, everytime something happens. In my new role in 30 SCE, I'm suddenly having to really contemplate everything before I make a decision... the army seems like it's mostly about covering your own ass, which trust me, isn't the way I like it. I used to love being able to forge ahead with a new idea, testing the water, trying it out, which perhaps has rubbed off on me and resulted in myself being less meticulous, and which I think is a good thing with regards to my new job, making me more meticulous.
What I'm really upset about is that I can't seem to do anything right... and I'm getting very unhappy about that... I've committed mistake after mistake, and it's really something I need to curb... it's not that I'm not trying... I am... but sometimes, I just can't seem to get things right, no matter how I try... I'm weary, and tired, and there's so many things to do at one shot.... the last two days... on sat and sun... I slept a total of 10 plus hours excluding at night, because I just felt lethargic, and perhaps also a need to escape the harsh reality of life that has pressurised me into being a workaholic at a computer again... I don't want that! I look at my list of things to do, and I can sense sleepless nights and long hours once again!
It's really pretty lonely when you look at it through my eyes sometimes, and what makes me feel slightly better is the understanding that I get from my own batchmates and the people around me... those that are understanding, that is... It's something that I'm beginning to appreciate, no matter how small the gesture.
And the worst part of it all... I have nobody to talk to about it when I sometimes feel on the brink of breaking down... Apart from Zhiyuan... who understands me in camp, and Anhua, who accommodates my long, lamenting e-mails... but I really am afraid to approach others anymore... they're busy with their own lives, burdened by their own problems... what gives me the RIGHT to add on my troubles to their accumulating scale of stress? Add on the fact that everyone is slowly slipping away... it's another thing that I wish wasn't happening... you know?
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Dear Mandy,
Well, initiation is over, and surprisingly, I had fun during field initiation, but i didn't quite like the night and the mess initiation... haha... how shall I put it? Night initiation was purely pointlessly tekkaning la... i mean, waking us up in the middle of the night at midnight to pump and scold us... makes no sense now... and mess initiation is just people asking stupid, redundant questions that we can only get right if we were to guess correctly and lady luck smiled upon us then...
Field initiation was fun because of a few reasons... everyone was crazily enthusiastic... even the Captain and the Lieutenant who joined us Xiao Xiong 30, 2LTs.. haha... covering ourselves with mud, being doused with iced water in push up position, doing SOC with FBO, leopard crawling approximately 100m, caservacing twice... then the STB, and the merlion part... everything was tiring, taxing, but fun and it really bonded us quite a fair bit...
On another note, I was kinda sad I couldn't go to the mass dancing at Suntec City... they played all 6 mass dances for the first time ever! And there was 19th and 20th there... so cool... a lot of them, in fact... and mass dancing! Gosh... how I wished so badly I could be there for that... I miss dancing with my council, I miss dancing with my seniors... and the fact that this is 22nd's O1... sigh... some senior I turned out to be right? Haha... though it's not my fault, but still... haha... oh well... :)
In any case... life now... though still feeling weird and foreign, is slowly showing the light behind the gray clouds. :)
Well, initiation is over, and surprisingly, I had fun during field initiation, but i didn't quite like the night and the mess initiation... haha... how shall I put it? Night initiation was purely pointlessly tekkaning la... i mean, waking us up in the middle of the night at midnight to pump and scold us... makes no sense now... and mess initiation is just people asking stupid, redundant questions that we can only get right if we were to guess correctly and lady luck smiled upon us then...
Field initiation was fun because of a few reasons... everyone was crazily enthusiastic... even the Captain and the Lieutenant who joined us Xiao Xiong 30, 2LTs.. haha... covering ourselves with mud, being doused with iced water in push up position, doing SOC with FBO, leopard crawling approximately 100m, caservacing twice... then the STB, and the merlion part... everything was tiring, taxing, but fun and it really bonded us quite a fair bit...
On another note, I was kinda sad I couldn't go to the mass dancing at Suntec City... they played all 6 mass dances for the first time ever! And there was 19th and 20th there... so cool... a lot of them, in fact... and mass dancing! Gosh... how I wished so badly I could be there for that... I miss dancing with my council, I miss dancing with my seniors... and the fact that this is 22nd's O1... sigh... some senior I turned out to be right? Haha... though it's not my fault, but still... haha... oh well... :)
In any case... life now... though still feeling weird and foreign, is slowly showing the light behind the gray clouds. :)
Monday, January 02, 2006
Dear Mandy...
How does it feel when you know that you're on the way back for 4 days of pointless, harsh treatment, all for the sake of something called initiation? I've never liked initiation when it's just for the sake of it... I mean... do you really think that by making us run ragged, waking us up in the middle of the night for stupid things can make us feel more welcome in the Corps? I'd honestly like to see that... Will I feel an overwhelming sense of achievement at having survived the initiation? I mean... you're all rational people... why allow yourself to be stuck in the same vicious cycle over and over again?
I'm feeling lonely and perhaps accustomed to the new, really true quote I saw... "Command is lonely"... I guess OCS sort of rubbed off on me... yesterday's council gathering... I had lots of fun... but I could feel I was more reserved...
I remember Vee saying something about how she wants to cry, but she doesn't want to cry alone.. well... I'm afraid that's how I feel. I'm afraid, apprehensive... and yet I try to be strong. I know that this is something I have to overcome myself... being independent... that's how it's supposed to be, isn't it?
"Sometimes it feels no one understands...
I don't even know why I do the things I do.
When pride fills me up till I can't feel my soul,
will you break down these walls and hold me through?"
- Corrinne May: "Journey"
I'll try to be optimistic.
How does it feel when you know that you're on the way back for 4 days of pointless, harsh treatment, all for the sake of something called initiation? I've never liked initiation when it's just for the sake of it... I mean... do you really think that by making us run ragged, waking us up in the middle of the night for stupid things can make us feel more welcome in the Corps? I'd honestly like to see that... Will I feel an overwhelming sense of achievement at having survived the initiation? I mean... you're all rational people... why allow yourself to be stuck in the same vicious cycle over and over again?
I'm feeling lonely and perhaps accustomed to the new, really true quote I saw... "Command is lonely"... I guess OCS sort of rubbed off on me... yesterday's council gathering... I had lots of fun... but I could feel I was more reserved...
I remember Vee saying something about how she wants to cry, but she doesn't want to cry alone.. well... I'm afraid that's how I feel. I'm afraid, apprehensive... and yet I try to be strong. I know that this is something I have to overcome myself... being independent... that's how it's supposed to be, isn't it?
"Sometimes it feels no one understands...
I don't even know why I do the things I do.
When pride fills me up till I can't feel my soul,
will you break down these walls and hold me through?"
- Corrinne May: "Journey"
I'll try to be optimistic.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Dear Mandy,
Daniel, your love personality type is ISFP
About 5% of the U.S. population possesses the combination of traits that make up this personality type.Being an ISFP means that you're the kind of person who can usually be counted on. More than most people, your integrity seems to be of central importance to you. This fact bodes well for those around you. It means you tend to say what you mean, keep your promises, and walk your talk. There's very little empty chatter when you're around. Another way you show you can be counted on is by being sensitive to others. You usually know just the right thing to do to make someone feel valued in your life. Although you're not the kind who's big on intense emotional confessions or displays, your feelings run deep. One way you're able to show your true emotions is by being faithful. In relationships, you'll usually try hard to make things work. Unlike some, you're not likely to freak out when there's a bump in the road. This is probably just another aspect of your patience and ability to stay on task.
Daniel, your love personality type is ISFP
About 5% of the U.S. population possesses the combination of traits that make up this personality type.Being an ISFP means that you're the kind of person who can usually be counted on. More than most people, your integrity seems to be of central importance to you. This fact bodes well for those around you. It means you tend to say what you mean, keep your promises, and walk your talk. There's very little empty chatter when you're around. Another way you show you can be counted on is by being sensitive to others. You usually know just the right thing to do to make someone feel valued in your life. Although you're not the kind who's big on intense emotional confessions or displays, your feelings run deep. One way you're able to show your true emotions is by being faithful. In relationships, you'll usually try hard to make things work. Unlike some, you're not likely to freak out when there's a bump in the road. This is probably just another aspect of your patience and ability to stay on task.
Dear Mandy...
I had a long online conversation with Shih yesterday, and I realise how much I really respect and love this wonderful friend of mine whom I treat as my sister... honest... I realised that for where I'm not good enough, Shih is the person I look at for inspiration and advice... and most of the time, when I look at the pple who are online... I know that she'll be the first person I'll turn to when I just want someone to talk to... don't know if you'll read this Shih, but I hope I can be that someone for you when you're unhappy too...
It's going to be a new year now... in 2 hours... and as I look back on 2005, I realise that all the hell I've been through in NS only served to make me see who are my real, true friends, and who are the people that I can do without in the Army... I've found reliable and dependable friends, strong friendships... and I've also met people who are not that impactful in my life, and are people I will most prob not remember once I ORD... but that's life.
I value friends who care for me a lot now. And for my dearest friends who happen to be overseas (Actually it's only Kristy and Anhua), you people are always dear to me for you've done so much! And there's the council, esp Rachel, Sanjay, Joel Hui Zhi, Hui Yi, Sara and Sanjee... the people who've been there for me when I needed someone... and to Venle and Tryph and Maggie for cheering me up, and to Sanjiv, Abby, Harminder, Jacqueline Seng, Jacqueline Tang, David, Edrei, Samson, and to a lot of other people who've been there for me and encouraging me along the way...
2006 I hope will be a good year for everyone... because you are all sweet and lovely and special in your own way...
I had a long online conversation with Shih yesterday, and I realise how much I really respect and love this wonderful friend of mine whom I treat as my sister... honest... I realised that for where I'm not good enough, Shih is the person I look at for inspiration and advice... and most of the time, when I look at the pple who are online... I know that she'll be the first person I'll turn to when I just want someone to talk to... don't know if you'll read this Shih, but I hope I can be that someone for you when you're unhappy too...
It's going to be a new year now... in 2 hours... and as I look back on 2005, I realise that all the hell I've been through in NS only served to make me see who are my real, true friends, and who are the people that I can do without in the Army... I've found reliable and dependable friends, strong friendships... and I've also met people who are not that impactful in my life, and are people I will most prob not remember once I ORD... but that's life.
I value friends who care for me a lot now. And for my dearest friends who happen to be overseas (Actually it's only Kristy and Anhua), you people are always dear to me for you've done so much! And there's the council, esp Rachel, Sanjay, Joel Hui Zhi, Hui Yi, Sara and Sanjee... the people who've been there for me when I needed someone... and to Venle and Tryph and Maggie for cheering me up, and to Sanjiv, Abby, Harminder, Jacqueline Seng, Jacqueline Tang, David, Edrei, Samson, and to a lot of other people who've been there for me and encouraging me along the way...
2006 I hope will be a good year for everyone... because you are all sweet and lovely and special in your own way...
Friday, December 30, 2005
Dear Mandy...
Life in 30 SCE? Well, I dunno how to put it. On one hand, I don't really like the place, and yet, perhaps it's because I'm unable to throw away the cadet mentality, I fear talking to higher authorities, I'm afraid of doing certain things. Sigh... add on the fact I have 2 e mail mistakes to the higher authorities and gotten so called scolded, things haven't been to a good start, but I believe I'll learn.
I went out with Jay, Jiv and Joel this Monday, 261206, and we had a blast! Apart from the twins coming for basketball 2 hours late, we went for lunch, then bowling, then Joel's house for badminton! I enjoyed it a lot a lot... it made me miss the close friends and the "no barrier" notion I shared with many people back in VJC, which, sadly, I don't anymore. There're more and more unseen barriers, more and more restrictions... I don't know. We're drifting, some of us, and it honestly isn't nice...
I used to be able to look at my hp and when I'm sad, I can just easily call up someone or sms someone and just chat. I can't do that anymore. I seem to rely on myself one time to often, and I hope it'll be of some good eventually... cause the feeling sometimes really isn't what it seems to be. But of course, as a result, I am stronger, and can handle more stress... so all in all, it is a pretty good thing after all.
Lastly... I miss u people... though I have nothing much to say to you all when we meet, I still love u all... :)
Life in 30 SCE? Well, I dunno how to put it. On one hand, I don't really like the place, and yet, perhaps it's because I'm unable to throw away the cadet mentality, I fear talking to higher authorities, I'm afraid of doing certain things. Sigh... add on the fact I have 2 e mail mistakes to the higher authorities and gotten so called scolded, things haven't been to a good start, but I believe I'll learn.
I went out with Jay, Jiv and Joel this Monday, 261206, and we had a blast! Apart from the twins coming for basketball 2 hours late, we went for lunch, then bowling, then Joel's house for badminton! I enjoyed it a lot a lot... it made me miss the close friends and the "no barrier" notion I shared with many people back in VJC, which, sadly, I don't anymore. There're more and more unseen barriers, more and more restrictions... I don't know. We're drifting, some of us, and it honestly isn't nice...
I used to be able to look at my hp and when I'm sad, I can just easily call up someone or sms someone and just chat. I can't do that anymore. I seem to rely on myself one time to often, and I hope it'll be of some good eventually... cause the feeling sometimes really isn't what it seems to be. But of course, as a result, I am stronger, and can handle more stress... so all in all, it is a pretty good thing after all.
Lastly... I miss u people... though I have nothing much to say to you all when we meet, I still love u all... :)
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Hey Mandy...
Merry Christmas 2005... to one and all this year... This year has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions and events this year... and it has been a year of learning as well as of revelations... I don't think it's necessary to recap everything that has gone by... What's bygone is bygone... But I guess I'll talk a bit of it.
I learnt that even if you put in lots and lots of effort into a relationship, it doesn't mean it will work out eventually... I learnt that if you put in effort into your work, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's the best piece u can ever do. I learnt that friendship is not necessarily the most important thing in the world... I learnt to stay neutral in my priorities... There's a lot I've learnt... but this year... I guess what's the most important lesson I've learnt is that it doesn't pay to be overly nice to some people, but it's alright to be nice... and especially to the few people whom I shower so much affection on these few weeks... :) I guess u know u r special to me... :)
Revelations? Haha... a lot... I make a better friend than a lover, I may not always know everything, but I try to learn... I'm overly nice... I'm childish but I harbour mature thinkings that I don't like to share... I am very VJ-oriented... I think too much... and a lot more, but these are the more major ones I've been going through in my mind... haha...
I realise that I've shut myself out from a lot of people... as in... I used to talk a lot abt personal stuff? But now... apart from a few people, I don't anymore... haha... perhaps that's why I find that I can't click with certain people anymore, why I don't talk as much, why I always talk on the same topics, why I leave early sometimes. That's today's new finding... we learn new things every day...
These days, I've been watching the old Korea serial "Popcorn" and I really like the girl! Kim Kyu Ree acts as Xian Xiu... and she's someone independent, yet caring and kind and sweet... She's also someone who takes pride in her work, easily being the best employee of her company, who does weddings for people... you know... the photo taking, the walking down the aisle... stuff like that... but she's terminally ill, and she also takes care of her brother who's wheelchair bound... and she meet this guy... Ying Xun, who falls for her and hard... the whole series shows really romantic moments... like how she says that if you find a conch shell and say I love you into it and mean it, the person who u give it to, and is the one you love, will be able to hear it. And the next day, early morning, he went to find a conch shell for her... or how they both plan a wedding for free for a couple who're deaf and dumb! Or how about when he's had a very bad argument with his elder brother, and he leaves a msg on her phone, saying he's going crazy and he doesn't know why, but he just has to see her? Only thing is she leaves her phone on the car... and she leave him a msg saying she'll be at his house, only thing his brother spolit his phone. So he waits at her house, and she waits at his house and they don't leave until it's late, and they leave at about the same time. The next morning, when she gets her phone and hears the msg, she rushes straight to his house. And he, on his way to work, sees her, then turns his motorcycle around and rushes to his house. When they meet, he's upset... and says "Why when I need to see you, I never seem to be able to find you? Why is it so difficult to just see even one glance at you?" And she goes "Why don't you ever tell me anything? I want to know everything about you, why do you shut me out?" And after that, they have a heart to heart chat... it's a simple moment, yet sweet.
And then I watched Final Fantasy, the movie... I'm definitely in a sappy, romantic mood... haha.... Dr. Aki Ross rocks! Haha... she shares similar traits as Xian Xiu... haha... enough said... I still have Before Sunset to pursue...haha...
There's a lot of things that I wish I knew, I wish I had, I wish I could.. but I also know that there's no way I can achieve things that are out of my reach, no matter how i try. And... there's no way of achieving somethings that I wish i could either... who am I to judge? I'm not... haha...
Alright, it's a lot for one entry already.... take care Mandy. And Merry Christmas again.
Merry Christmas 2005... to one and all this year... This year has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions and events this year... and it has been a year of learning as well as of revelations... I don't think it's necessary to recap everything that has gone by... What's bygone is bygone... But I guess I'll talk a bit of it.
I learnt that even if you put in lots and lots of effort into a relationship, it doesn't mean it will work out eventually... I learnt that if you put in effort into your work, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's the best piece u can ever do. I learnt that friendship is not necessarily the most important thing in the world... I learnt to stay neutral in my priorities... There's a lot I've learnt... but this year... I guess what's the most important lesson I've learnt is that it doesn't pay to be overly nice to some people, but it's alright to be nice... and especially to the few people whom I shower so much affection on these few weeks... :) I guess u know u r special to me... :)
Revelations? Haha... a lot... I make a better friend than a lover, I may not always know everything, but I try to learn... I'm overly nice... I'm childish but I harbour mature thinkings that I don't like to share... I am very VJ-oriented... I think too much... and a lot more, but these are the more major ones I've been going through in my mind... haha...
I realise that I've shut myself out from a lot of people... as in... I used to talk a lot abt personal stuff? But now... apart from a few people, I don't anymore... haha... perhaps that's why I find that I can't click with certain people anymore, why I don't talk as much, why I always talk on the same topics, why I leave early sometimes. That's today's new finding... we learn new things every day...
These days, I've been watching the old Korea serial "Popcorn" and I really like the girl! Kim Kyu Ree acts as Xian Xiu... and she's someone independent, yet caring and kind and sweet... She's also someone who takes pride in her work, easily being the best employee of her company, who does weddings for people... you know... the photo taking, the walking down the aisle... stuff like that... but she's terminally ill, and she also takes care of her brother who's wheelchair bound... and she meet this guy... Ying Xun, who falls for her and hard... the whole series shows really romantic moments... like how she says that if you find a conch shell and say I love you into it and mean it, the person who u give it to, and is the one you love, will be able to hear it. And the next day, early morning, he went to find a conch shell for her... or how they both plan a wedding for free for a couple who're deaf and dumb! Or how about when he's had a very bad argument with his elder brother, and he leaves a msg on her phone, saying he's going crazy and he doesn't know why, but he just has to see her? Only thing is she leaves her phone on the car... and she leave him a msg saying she'll be at his house, only thing his brother spolit his phone. So he waits at her house, and she waits at his house and they don't leave until it's late, and they leave at about the same time. The next morning, when she gets her phone and hears the msg, she rushes straight to his house. And he, on his way to work, sees her, then turns his motorcycle around and rushes to his house. When they meet, he's upset... and says "Why when I need to see you, I never seem to be able to find you? Why is it so difficult to just see even one glance at you?" And she goes "Why don't you ever tell me anything? I want to know everything about you, why do you shut me out?" And after that, they have a heart to heart chat... it's a simple moment, yet sweet.
And then I watched Final Fantasy, the movie... I'm definitely in a sappy, romantic mood... haha.... Dr. Aki Ross rocks! Haha... she shares similar traits as Xian Xiu... haha... enough said... I still have Before Sunset to pursue...haha...
There's a lot of things that I wish I knew, I wish I had, I wish I could.. but I also know that there's no way I can achieve things that are out of my reach, no matter how i try. And... there's no way of achieving somethings that I wish i could either... who am I to judge? I'm not... haha...
Alright, it's a lot for one entry already.... take care Mandy. And Merry Christmas again.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Dear Mandy....
Have you ever had the feeling that sometimes, no matter how you try to make things seem ok, u know they never will? Haha... I get that feeling a lot of late... and it scares me sometimes, to know that I may be attempting the impossible, and yet, I still do it. Why? Because I have to? I don't know.. haha... I don't even know myself as well as I think i should... perhaps it's because I've put up too many facades that I myself have neglected the fact that I should take care of myself as well...
I tried all those quizzes off Vee's blog, and well, haha... they more or less reflect the same thing sometimes... about well, me and the way I treat people. Oh, please don't get me wrong, there's nothing I don't like about being nice to my friends and doing things for them... I just wish there was more I could do... I know it's really wishful thinking... how much of my true self have I shown to the people I live with day in day out? And how much do people appreciate me? I dunno... am I trustworthy to them? And how do I know if I'm doing too much? These questions keep running through my head these days... ever since so many people came to my Commissioning parade, ever since that moment that I started talking to some people...
You may be wondering why... well... I'm so touched so many people make the effort to come down, and yet I feel bad that I can't chat with them as much as I'd like to... and I feel so thankful for their friendship... but... but... is what I'm doing enough? I really wish I knew... There're so many restrictions that I can't seem to evade... why?! And... nvm... this is a private thought...
I know there're no definite answers to these questions... but till then, I'd like to see how much I can do for people... in special case a few people that I just feel a need to do more for.... who they are? That's for me to know, and u to find out... :)
In any case, I love u all still.
Have you ever had the feeling that sometimes, no matter how you try to make things seem ok, u know they never will? Haha... I get that feeling a lot of late... and it scares me sometimes, to know that I may be attempting the impossible, and yet, I still do it. Why? Because I have to? I don't know.. haha... I don't even know myself as well as I think i should... perhaps it's because I've put up too many facades that I myself have neglected the fact that I should take care of myself as well...
I tried all those quizzes off Vee's blog, and well, haha... they more or less reflect the same thing sometimes... about well, me and the way I treat people. Oh, please don't get me wrong, there's nothing I don't like about being nice to my friends and doing things for them... I just wish there was more I could do... I know it's really wishful thinking... how much of my true self have I shown to the people I live with day in day out? And how much do people appreciate me? I dunno... am I trustworthy to them? And how do I know if I'm doing too much? These questions keep running through my head these days... ever since so many people came to my Commissioning parade, ever since that moment that I started talking to some people...
You may be wondering why... well... I'm so touched so many people make the effort to come down, and yet I feel bad that I can't chat with them as much as I'd like to... and I feel so thankful for their friendship... but... but... is what I'm doing enough? I really wish I knew... There're so many restrictions that I can't seem to evade... why?! And... nvm... this is a private thought...
I know there're no definite answers to these questions... but till then, I'd like to see how much I can do for people... in special case a few people that I just feel a need to do more for.... who they are? That's for me to know, and u to find out... :)
In any case, I love u all still.
Your element is Light. Your heart is pure and
shining with love. You believe in the goodness
of those around you and give almost everyone a
smile. You are not the kind to hide your
happiness and tend to smile all day long, both
in and out. But when sadness hits you, you
become very devastated and may be upset for
quite some time. What you need in your life is
friends, friends who will love you
unconditionally, like you love them. But you
have a naive nature and don't always notice
when someone is trying to hurt you. Some would
say you are oblivious to mean people, which
makes you an easy target. However, your true
friends will probably be there for you and save
you. In school you are either the popular one
or the little weird one. It all depends if
"the higher people" find your caring
side irritating or not. Nevertheless, you have
a bubbly personality and are social. Big partys
may not be your thing since you want bonding
time with your friends, so slumber-partys fit
you more. You like the happy things in life and
like everyone else to be as happy as you are.
Rate and message!
What is your element? [with pics + detailed answeres]
brought to you by
Your element is Light: Innocent, beautiful,
kind-hearted and pure. You are so sweet your
almost angelic! You find joy in others
happiness and cannot stand to see anyone in
pain. You want to make everyone around you feel
good about themselves and if someone is upset
you can tend to become rather upset as well
which means you are sympathetic and raise
others above yourself. Being as kind and
good-natured as you are people have most likely
hurt you in the past but you pick yourself up
every time. You may look fragile but you are
stronger then most tend to see. Life is
beautiful no matter how you look at it and you
understand that people make mistakes. Not
everyone is perfect. You try to see the good in
the bad which is a talent few posses. Dont ever
let anyone change you. You truly have a
beautiful soul inside and a heart of gold.
.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by
Do u think these two represent me?
~Guardian Angel~
A protecter. A fighter. A defender. You will do
anything to protect the ones you care about.
You wll even self sacrafice yourself for them.
You think they deserve more than you, and you
think its your duty to protect them, in anyway
you can.
physically and also emotionaly, But they will
also protect themselves.
Weapon:Sword
"I will die to protect, to know that.. i
have done this for those i care about"
What is the angel form of your spirit?
brought to you by
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Dear Mandy...
I've commissioned... it's true.. but... well.. I'm happy, yes, but also apprehensive about the new responsibilities that have been placed upon my shoulders. I want to be a good PC, but I'm pretty much new to this thing... I guess it's a normal thing to be apprehensive...
One thing I'm glad about... SO MANY PEOPLE FROM VJC WERE AT THE COMMISSIONING PARADE!!! That was so memorable? And like... wow.... haha... I'm so touched by the spirit of VJC people manz... haha... Thank YOU to Nat, Siva, Sanjay, Sanjiv, Amalina, Moses, Tiffany, Joel Lee, Sara, Hui Zhi, Joanna, Priya, Edrei, Sangeeta, Sanjeewa, Jason, Amy and Hui Yi.... u people made my commissioning much more memorable... and also to Katrina, Jac Tang, and the WOCCs for their words as well... :)
Well... that's all for now...
I've commissioned... it's true.. but... well.. I'm happy, yes, but also apprehensive about the new responsibilities that have been placed upon my shoulders. I want to be a good PC, but I'm pretty much new to this thing... I guess it's a normal thing to be apprehensive...
One thing I'm glad about... SO MANY PEOPLE FROM VJC WERE AT THE COMMISSIONING PARADE!!! That was so memorable? And like... wow.... haha... I'm so touched by the spirit of VJC people manz... haha... Thank YOU to Nat, Siva, Sanjay, Sanjiv, Amalina, Moses, Tiffany, Joel Lee, Sara, Hui Zhi, Joanna, Priya, Edrei, Sangeeta, Sanjeewa, Jason, Amy and Hui Yi.... u people made my commissioning much more memorable... and also to Katrina, Jac Tang, and the WOCCs for their words as well... :)
Well... that's all for now...
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Dear Mandy...
I've successfully completed my EOCC term, and come Monday, I'll be returning to OCS for the final 3 weeks of my term as an Officer Cadet of the SAF. I should be extremely happy and overjoyed, but the truth is, I'm just normal happy, not like, crazily excited...
I've changed, it's true. I went for my platoon interview with my instructor... and after telling him some stuff, he told me somethings... I've become more mature now, and I know a lot about leadership. I see, observe and I understand. But until I've tried out what I understand can I really experience, and well... I can link activities to purpose... I found what he said very true... and I guess it's my fault that I didn't make it to the top 20 names... cause I lost it when I didn't appreciate and hold tight to the opportunity given to me to shine... I'm okay with that I guess? Haha... I'm glad I commission.
But with all that relief and gladness, I know that I'm not as competent as what an Engineer Officer should be, but I believe that life is a learning journey. Where I'm not as proficient, I should aim to improve. Areas where I'm proficient, I should maintain and wherever possible, I should improve on them too. I like the way I place my friends above me. I like the way that I make an effort to do things for them... it's a nice, warm feeling when they reciprocate the help with just a simple thanks and a smile... That's my simple contentment in life I guess??
I make a better friend than a lover. I believe that's very true now... I've seen so much in the last 5 months as an Engineer Officer Cadet... and I know now, I'm not entirely ready to be in a relationship... I love being able to help my friends, and I'm not that able to balance my friends with whoever becomes my steady. It's funny.. but true. And well... I don't know fully how things will work out? Because I find myself putting in lots of effort into each relationship I've been, but somehow, they just don't work out. Sigh... haha... I'll let things go naturally... yeahz... but I guess I need to know what I'm lacking as a steady... Big and huge point to improve on.
I'm more a giver than a taker, but the contrast between the two have sort of diminished cause of the Army. I need to take sometimes to be able to justify my stand, cause after all, a leader in the Army requires that... Trust in people... I don't know... doesn't seem to have changed much. Still as trusting as ever... and well... I can safely say that I'm quite content with life at the present, though not always true in the Army.
To Anhua... thank you for always attempting to keep in contact with me... I really appreciate it. I really miss you... things here seem to be a bit different without you around. There's lots of things I wish I could share with you, but I'll adjust. :)
That's all for now... take care, Mandy.
I've successfully completed my EOCC term, and come Monday, I'll be returning to OCS for the final 3 weeks of my term as an Officer Cadet of the SAF. I should be extremely happy and overjoyed, but the truth is, I'm just normal happy, not like, crazily excited...
I've changed, it's true. I went for my platoon interview with my instructor... and after telling him some stuff, he told me somethings... I've become more mature now, and I know a lot about leadership. I see, observe and I understand. But until I've tried out what I understand can I really experience, and well... I can link activities to purpose... I found what he said very true... and I guess it's my fault that I didn't make it to the top 20 names... cause I lost it when I didn't appreciate and hold tight to the opportunity given to me to shine... I'm okay with that I guess? Haha... I'm glad I commission.
But with all that relief and gladness, I know that I'm not as competent as what an Engineer Officer should be, but I believe that life is a learning journey. Where I'm not as proficient, I should aim to improve. Areas where I'm proficient, I should maintain and wherever possible, I should improve on them too. I like the way I place my friends above me. I like the way that I make an effort to do things for them... it's a nice, warm feeling when they reciprocate the help with just a simple thanks and a smile... That's my simple contentment in life I guess??
I make a better friend than a lover. I believe that's very true now... I've seen so much in the last 5 months as an Engineer Officer Cadet... and I know now, I'm not entirely ready to be in a relationship... I love being able to help my friends, and I'm not that able to balance my friends with whoever becomes my steady. It's funny.. but true. And well... I don't know fully how things will work out? Because I find myself putting in lots of effort into each relationship I've been, but somehow, they just don't work out. Sigh... haha... I'll let things go naturally... yeahz... but I guess I need to know what I'm lacking as a steady... Big and huge point to improve on.
I'm more a giver than a taker, but the contrast between the two have sort of diminished cause of the Army. I need to take sometimes to be able to justify my stand, cause after all, a leader in the Army requires that... Trust in people... I don't know... doesn't seem to have changed much. Still as trusting as ever... and well... I can safely say that I'm quite content with life at the present, though not always true in the Army.
To Anhua... thank you for always attempting to keep in contact with me... I really appreciate it. I really miss you... things here seem to be a bit different without you around. There's lots of things I wish I could share with you, but I'll adjust. :)
That's all for now... take care, Mandy.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Dear Mandy...
I'm back from Crescendo, and I believe that my perspectives on things have changed. I saw many things I didn't agree on, learnt a lot and experienced a fair bit in my training stint there... in both Beaver Venture and the assessment exercises.
I learnt that it's not wise to be overly acommodating in the army. This is not VJC... I do not have a warm and caring family called 20th, I do not have friendly and lovely juniors, I do not have accepting and gentle friends to push me forwards. I am on my own. And I know this: I can still be the same caring, open and fatherly person as a friend, but I cannot be the "junior-first" and personal development priority leader. I can only be a commander. I cannot always lead. It's hard to explain this revelation, but I find it very true.
What i believe for in leadership, I guess it's not applicable here... I'm saddened greatly by that fact. It's because I see a relatively screwed up way of leadership by the higher authorities, I see people who blatantly criticise without accepting the reasons given... I see people who take responsibility and abuse it. I see people who refuse to accept they are wrong. And I see people who are not who they claim themselves to be. It's a startling sight, a sad one in truth, and I found myself thinking again and again... is this really the kind of life I really want to live? I guess not...
I became more violent, and more protective of my friends when they are criticised by people who think they know a lot but in truth know little. I became more isolated as I felt better off doing things myself as I know that if anything goes wrong, I don't have to answer to anyone but myself, and if I do so, I won't be bothered by people who use authority to walk over me. I kept everything bottled up somewhere inside, but of late, i explode one time too many. 20th and 21st should know that I try my best not to explode... but do the people in camp know that? Not all.
I can't deny I still have good friends in camp whom I tell lots of things to and we share thoughts easily. Zhiyuan, Timothy, Samuel are my confidantes in there, and there's of course YY. And in Crescendo, they specs that I got close to, Ming Jun and kenneth, and there's also Ben and Edmund. So technically, I'm not alone, but in truth? I still feel lonely in there... Haha... so much for being DTM... I'm probable DTL sometimes. :)
So there's my Crescendo take... please do not tell this around... I don't want people who're not close to me in camp to find out abt this... I can keep up my sanity for a month more, I'm sure of that... do me this favour... k?
I'm back from Crescendo, and I believe that my perspectives on things have changed. I saw many things I didn't agree on, learnt a lot and experienced a fair bit in my training stint there... in both Beaver Venture and the assessment exercises.
I learnt that it's not wise to be overly acommodating in the army. This is not VJC... I do not have a warm and caring family called 20th, I do not have friendly and lovely juniors, I do not have accepting and gentle friends to push me forwards. I am on my own. And I know this: I can still be the same caring, open and fatherly person as a friend, but I cannot be the "junior-first" and personal development priority leader. I can only be a commander. I cannot always lead. It's hard to explain this revelation, but I find it very true.
What i believe for in leadership, I guess it's not applicable here... I'm saddened greatly by that fact. It's because I see a relatively screwed up way of leadership by the higher authorities, I see people who blatantly criticise without accepting the reasons given... I see people who take responsibility and abuse it. I see people who refuse to accept they are wrong. And I see people who are not who they claim themselves to be. It's a startling sight, a sad one in truth, and I found myself thinking again and again... is this really the kind of life I really want to live? I guess not...
I became more violent, and more protective of my friends when they are criticised by people who think they know a lot but in truth know little. I became more isolated as I felt better off doing things myself as I know that if anything goes wrong, I don't have to answer to anyone but myself, and if I do so, I won't be bothered by people who use authority to walk over me. I kept everything bottled up somewhere inside, but of late, i explode one time too many. 20th and 21st should know that I try my best not to explode... but do the people in camp know that? Not all.
I can't deny I still have good friends in camp whom I tell lots of things to and we share thoughts easily. Zhiyuan, Timothy, Samuel are my confidantes in there, and there's of course YY. And in Crescendo, they specs that I got close to, Ming Jun and kenneth, and there's also Ben and Edmund. So technically, I'm not alone, but in truth? I still feel lonely in there... Haha... so much for being DTM... I'm probable DTL sometimes. :)
So there's my Crescendo take... please do not tell this around... I don't want people who're not close to me in camp to find out abt this... I can keep up my sanity for a month more, I'm sure of that... do me this favour... k?
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