Some musings

Dear Mandy,

Somehow, this year has been a year of random musings, but also a year of struggles? Somehow, the church theme every year never fails to amaze me when I do my milestone marker checks, and this time is not any different either. The year of Sabbath cause me to draw so much nearer to God, because there was ample time to read His Word and spend time in His presence... and in the year of an Extreme Disciple, it's a lot of dying to self and being challenged for time, and struggling with multiple issues that seem to come one after another.

And then I wonder.

I placed this as my FB status just a while ago:
"In life, we learn, adapt and apply.

We are all unique, so see every one as an unique individual.
We are all special, so see every one with their maximised potential.
We are all people, so see every one with lens of compassion.

I sometimes wonder... =)"

And they really stem across from a talk I had with my VP yesterday, as well as certain things that I've observed... In the helter-skelter way of the world, and of how the expectations have come down severely on several areas, I am left wondering how else do we see the world? It led me to wonder as I was driving to school in the morning, if I'd lost that inner tranquility and serenity that I have inside of me... and I find that scary.

The last time I lost that inner tranquility and serenity, God decided to send me to Canada for exchange. It made me miss Canada badly..

But then again, with the need for change as stated in the earlier "Sandra Dee' entry, as well as the increasing expectations that seemingly enfold me, I found solace in a simple chat with my VP, of which the details I am not going to disclose here. In essence, what she shared, I resonated with. Across the other sphere of the ocean, I'm not sure it may be the same mindset and perspective.

And yet, that led me to think of the concept of individual and family. We are all individuals that are created uniquely and differently by the Lord... but... at the same time, we are also people who should not live in isolation but in community. And within a community, as Sociology experts will tell you, there are certains social norms, mores, cultures and taboos that exist within every community.

The question I am pondering about is: when we are part of a community do we conform or do we be ourselves.

Ideally, we reach the middle point. We are who we are while assimilating into a culture. Happens most of the time. But in our attempt to be who we are, there are different thresholds of acceptance and tolerance for different cultures. And yet, in different cultures, there are different degrees of compliance and adaptation to do. I find myself straddled in between in many different spheres of my life. And it is a rather scary thought process, and one that I find even more marred.

At the end of encounter, I walked away knowing that in anything, I want to live to please God alone. Easier said than done. My personality is a more accommodating and easy-going one.. but I still am human with my own frustrations and my underlying "wounded tiger will bite" kind of reservation and acceptance.
And when I started wondering "what's wrong with me?", I started to be very concerned and worried.

I may have lost the essence of who I am.

And that? Truly is scary.

Goodbye to Sandra Dee...

Dear Mandy,



If you know Grease, then you'll definitely know this clip and what happens after.

I don't know. With a recent spate of events and all, I can't help but feel like there're so many things that I need to relook at and all.

And just like Sandy...
It could mean a complete overhaul.

The only difference, Sandy is sure of the overhaul that she has to make.
I on the other hand... I have my reservations? I don't know if it is a pride thing, or it is a stubbornness thing...? But to overhaul... it is scary.

Needless to say, I am scared.
Needless to say, I am confused.
Needless to say... I am upset, and my heart feels like it weighs a ton.

And yet....
I trust that the Lord will turn my tears into something good. =)
And so,
"Goodbye to Sandra Dee.."

Term 3 has ended...

Dear Mandy,

I have completed my first term as a teacher... and am duly amazed at how the Lord has worked in my life.

Sure there have been ups and downs in my time at AMKSS as a teacher... Times where I feel I didn't conduct a good lesson, times when I feel I didn't engage the class enough, times when I feel that my class management could have been a whole lot better. And times when I feel that I did a really good job.

I guess the students are the best gauge. And other than the fact that some students asked me to be more firm and to give them more hands on work, I find myself realising the need to toggle between the two extremes - a teacher-centered approach and a student-centered approach. But that takes time to gel.

All in all, I am just thankful. =)