Dear Mandy..
Somewhere along the way... life got complicated.
I feel sometimes like I don't understand myself. =)
Or rather... I'm trying to understand myself, but often find myself short.
So... I feel like there are times when I try too hard to be understood.
Perhaps there's not much reason to be.
Then you suddenly realise.
Life is complicated because we choose to make it complicated.
Live simply so that others may simply live...
Random thoughts that go through my mind.
I'm surprised.
I guess as humans, we sometimes hope against all hope that we are appreciated and affirmed.
And we lament we don't get appreciated and affirmed enough.
I'll go the other way.
Perhaps we are affirmed and appreciated enough. Just not the way we expect it to be.
Or not the way we receive it, as Gary Chapman says.
A heart tug.
I think I found the term. =)
Or maybe a gravitated heart?
Hmm... nah. Too abstract.
And then I go one fullll circle...
And just simply say "oh. whatever. Que Sera Sera." =)
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Sunday, March 04, 2012
Dear Mandy,
There come several times in life when you realise that you're really taking on too much, and then you start to break down.
I remember in JC, Year 1... the week of the Promotional Examinations, it was raining daily, and as Councillors, we have to do morning duty. When it rains, we'd have to don these big yellow raincoats, and set up cones, and direct traffic so that the students coming to school can be dropped off quickly and effectively. As one of the councillors who're early, I'd always be one of those who'd start setting up the wet weather routes, and then hand over to the Councillors who are on duty when they come... I remember one particular day, when the Councillors were all late, and it were just 3 to 4 of us on duty. No Councillor came to help, even though we had called for help... In the end, our seniors came down to take over, and when I went up to the Council room all haggard and exhausted and wet, I saw a room full of my own Councillors. I walked away, broke down and cried.
I flunked my Physics paper that day.
And one month later, I got my Promotional results. OOOO. I had to go and beg and plead for a half mark for my biology paper so that I can get promoted. I got it, and I got EOOO... Nice.
And on top of that, we had to prepare for so many things. I got overwhelmed.
That I told my President I'm considering resigning from Council.
I didn't in the end of course. I had really good Councillors who rallied around me and helped me get through that difficult period of time.
And in the midst of practicum, I find myself trying to swim... Yes. Trying. Because it feels like I'm swimming with this big metal weight behind me, pulling me down. I would love to get rid of the weight, except that I am afraid that it may harm the sea creatures beneath me.
Not the best analogy, I know. But I'm sure you get the idea.
I haven't broken down this badly in a long run, but over the last one to two months, I have been severely drained. Trying to balance everything in my life has seriously taken its toll on me, and I feel like I've even changed to become somebody that I'm not. Yesterday, PS Kim Meng gave an altar call for people who feel like they have been giving too much and they are tired to respond to the altar call. So I went.. without a second doubt, I went.
And the moment I knelt down, I felt God's presence. So imagine my surprise when thereafter, I felt three hands on me. And to my surprise, they were my cell members. They took turns to pray for me, and I felt so overjoyed that God was affirming me with the prayers and the actions of my cell members. And Shaun came to pray for me, blessing me with Isaiah 40:29-31--- "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
I broke down terribly when Shaun pulled my head and rested it on his shoulders.
Shaun said that he knows that I am tired, and the Lord knows it. And the Lord is affirming me that He is pleased.
And so, I think I am faced with decisions in life. Whether I should continue juggling everything and stretch myself across so many areas... or I should focus my energy on one, and look to grow that one area in my life.
I made an appointment with Jesus at 5pm later today.
I know that He'll speak there and then. =)
There come several times in life when you realise that you're really taking on too much, and then you start to break down.
I remember in JC, Year 1... the week of the Promotional Examinations, it was raining daily, and as Councillors, we have to do morning duty. When it rains, we'd have to don these big yellow raincoats, and set up cones, and direct traffic so that the students coming to school can be dropped off quickly and effectively. As one of the councillors who're early, I'd always be one of those who'd start setting up the wet weather routes, and then hand over to the Councillors who are on duty when they come... I remember one particular day, when the Councillors were all late, and it were just 3 to 4 of us on duty. No Councillor came to help, even though we had called for help... In the end, our seniors came down to take over, and when I went up to the Council room all haggard and exhausted and wet, I saw a room full of my own Councillors. I walked away, broke down and cried.
I flunked my Physics paper that day.
And one month later, I got my Promotional results. OOOO. I had to go and beg and plead for a half mark for my biology paper so that I can get promoted. I got it, and I got EOOO... Nice.
And on top of that, we had to prepare for so many things. I got overwhelmed.
That I told my President I'm considering resigning from Council.
I didn't in the end of course. I had really good Councillors who rallied around me and helped me get through that difficult period of time.
And in the midst of practicum, I find myself trying to swim... Yes. Trying. Because it feels like I'm swimming with this big metal weight behind me, pulling me down. I would love to get rid of the weight, except that I am afraid that it may harm the sea creatures beneath me.
Not the best analogy, I know. But I'm sure you get the idea.
I haven't broken down this badly in a long run, but over the last one to two months, I have been severely drained. Trying to balance everything in my life has seriously taken its toll on me, and I feel like I've even changed to become somebody that I'm not. Yesterday, PS Kim Meng gave an altar call for people who feel like they have been giving too much and they are tired to respond to the altar call. So I went.. without a second doubt, I went.
And the moment I knelt down, I felt God's presence. So imagine my surprise when thereafter, I felt three hands on me. And to my surprise, they were my cell members. They took turns to pray for me, and I felt so overjoyed that God was affirming me with the prayers and the actions of my cell members. And Shaun came to pray for me, blessing me with Isaiah 40:29-31--- "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
I broke down terribly when Shaun pulled my head and rested it on his shoulders.
Shaun said that he knows that I am tired, and the Lord knows it. And the Lord is affirming me that He is pleased.
And so, I think I am faced with decisions in life. Whether I should continue juggling everything and stretch myself across so many areas... or I should focus my energy on one, and look to grow that one area in my life.
I made an appointment with Jesus at 5pm later today.
I know that He'll speak there and then. =)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)