Dear Mandy,

I think I'm right when I say this, but I feel like a ship that's lost its' way and I'm trying to find a lighthouse that would guide my path.

And I came across this really wonderful quote from Max Lucado...

"A humble heart doesn't say 'I can't do anything', but instead, it says 'I can't do everything, but I play my part.'"

Perhaps it's the sheer simplicity of the statement, or the heart of the matter, which, by the way, I feel like my heart's kind of heavy. I feel to a certain extent, like there're too many things on my mind, and on my heart... and I'm thankful for the little nuggets of ease that the Lord gives, and the prayers that people send my way. And yet, at the pinnacle of it all, there is still something missing.

And it's something that I am reflecting on, even as I speak. I met up with BKC today (minus Pearlyn who had to work last minutedly), and it was a very comfortable, and much delayed meet up for us all. I really miss them. The quiet moments, the ease, the flow of sharing.. they were just wonderful, and it made me realise how much I am going to miss my batch of EL majors.

And then, perhaps that's what struck me. I miss the simplicity of life, the basic comfort of friendship, and, even as I've started my attachment, the passion towards things. Perhaps I have become too cynical, or I've forgotten to make time for myself.. I just... feel quite at a loss. And then I read that love does not envy, and it is not proud. Talk about a wake up call. =)

Dear Mandy...

Well, as I have officially completed my first week of being an Education Officer, I walk away with rather mixed feelings. On one hand, I love the colleagues that I have, and I realise that there's much things that in the last 2 days of Teacher Preparatory Programme that are very relevant, but there are also some doubts, questions and struggles within me as I try to come to terms with seemingly contradictory theories and actions. But more importantly, I give thanks to God for my wonderful team! Team 6!

Jeannette, Rebecca, Sze Wing, Jelvin, Vincent and I bonded very much in the last 6 days, and we've gotten so amicable with each other that we've started to joke and laugh at each other. From a combined car ride up today that was much mirth and cheer, we simply continued to bond over the day. From playing IPhone games, to writing random post-its, and even to friendly banter between us... it was just such a joy.

Hong Kong was a great getaway... I shan't say much, because the pictures on my FB says a thousand words. NDP has officially moved to the 10 to 10 timeline, and that's also a lot that's ongoing even as I speak..

Just yesterday at cell, Jim asked us to reflect on the last 6 months, and have we been empowered, exploding and experiencing the power of the Holy Spirit. And as I reflected, I realised just how much a struggle these last 6 months have been. If not for the grace of God, I doubt I'd have survived! And yet, the Lord is gracious and He provides...

Even as I ponder over the many things that occurred, and even the sudden information influx that came in yesterday, or even the emotions that ran through me as I drove home.. I guess there's more that I need to receive from God, because I'm limited by so much as a human... =)

Dear Mandy,
And so, the LoveBatam mission trip was from the 4th of June 2011 to the 8th of June 2011, and what a journey it was. =) There were 20 of us involved in this trip (Yan Xi was taking the picture), and it was definitely a journey that went according to God's will.

Firstly, I had NDP training in the morning, so Poon, Zhen Zhu and I took a later ferry over. By the time we reached, Jimmy came to fetch us in a van, and we headed to the first orphanage where the programme was already partly under way. It was short of amazing to see how open the orphans were to us, and how much they had warmed up to the team when we reached. Then when we moved into the song and dance segment, Yuen Shin led "Jesus loves me", and the kids launched into the Bahasa Indonesian version of the song. It was a very touching sight, and it really left a deep impact on me.

The 2nd day, the church service was magnificent.


This is the church that Jimmy preached at, and we attended as ministry leaders. It was definitely quite an experience, because firstly, it was our first Batam church service, secondly, we were ministering to people who hardly speak English, and thirdly, all of us were now ministry leaders. Quite a sight, if you ask me... especially since I was given a task last-minutedly to be a worship singer... and it went beyond my initial fears of having to pray for someone because of the language barrier. Because as a worship leader, my role would then be to create an atmosphere where God and His people can minister. The moment I stepped up on stage... and after a moment of worship, I moved into the Spiritual with God, and sensed so much emotion... it was quite an experience.

The second orphanage was a slightly bigger programme than the first, partly due to the larger number of people, and the more spread out age group. But God is good! I believe because He was with us, the actions we did, the words we spoke, and our countenance all reflected the Lord's grace and love. And that was what really mattered. When we ran out of things to do, the Lord would utilise us to maximise our strengths. It was beautiful to see how everyone of us played a part, and were committed to the programme and each other's success. It was a sight to behold. Kudos to the banquet team for cooking up a dinner for 65! And it was a good dinner, to say the least. =)

The next day saw us having a slow morning, and then a sudden twist of tempo as instead of plantation farming, we were to head to the countryside to paint and refurnish a church! Talk about a sudden change of events. From farmers-to-be, we became emergency painters and handymen! And that was when things started to get a tad tense, and even straining. Miscommunication was rife, and people were struggling to keep their emotions in check. But I think along the way, as we reflected, we realised that we are building the church! The dwelling place of God, or as Farand put it aptly, we were like Nehemiah, rebuilding the church of God. And that means so much.

I felt it was apt that Farand led us in a time of encouragement and affirming each other, because I felt that it was much needed. For too long in the trip, we were caught up with the operations, that there are times we forget to affirm and encourage. I was reminded of the verse in Ephesians, about how we should not give up meeting together, and to continue to spur and encourage each other to do good deeds. =)

So imagine our joy when we completed the refurnishing of the church come day 4, by 2.30pm in the afternoon. Here's the end product! =)


However, what truly touched me was when Pastor Philip thanked us, and said that his congregation had been praying for a refurnishing of the church and to paint it. And that really revealed to me that this trip was a God-planned journey. It rained in the first 2 days, but it'd stop or mellow down when we were at the orphanages to carry out the programme. But it prevented us from going to do plantation farming. Instead, because we were obedient to God, and we desired to serve Him and not idle, we ended up at this church, painting and refurnishing. And allowing these people in Batam to witness God's miracle of answered prayers, and above all else, to encourage them that our God is real. And He provides. =)

It is truly a sight to behold... and even as we did our reflections, there was so much to write, that 1 hour just wasn't enough. And I felt like it has been such a learning journey for me. The most important thing is this, as I quote from my reflections:

"For me, there is one main thing that I want to work on and live my life by. As reflected in Chapter 1.4 and 1.5, I want to be more considerate and sensitive to the needs of others. I would also like to be compassionate and loving in every single action, not just in meeting a big picture. When my actions, thoughts and my words come from God as its’ source, and follows the attitude of Christ-like compassion and love, then I will be able to live out God’s Word in everything, because my basis is love."

Even more important, is that I feel that in this season, I'm learning how to seek solace and comfort and affirmation from God first, and in Christ alone. As I quote from my reflections again...

"But then, what dawned upon me, was the simple question of the way I approached the situation, and the question of what is compassion and what is love. God reminded me that almost 6 months ago, I faced that question too. I recalled that love is firstly about God, and secondly, to do what benefits the person completely. “Completely” in this context, means that whatever we do, we put the needs of the person before us. That’s what I believe love really is. Sure… today we met felt needs, but I guess I took away the thought of have I really done what I did out of love? Every single part of it? And I realized that I didn’t really do so."

There's so much to learn, and so much to grow in, that at the end of the day, I shared with the team that "it's a reflective journey, but I feel that it is also the beginning of a new chapter".

Indeed. =) I'm walking towards the sun that rises even after the darkest night. =)