Dear Mandy..

There are times when I know that we all feel alone in this world.

We really want to find someone who cares, and someone who's willing to accept us for who we are, and who thinks from our perspective.

It's really ironic sometimes, when you find that the people who you really care about, sometimes take you for granted? And it's also even more ironic, when you realise that you're particular about small, little things that let you know that you matter. Because it's the little things that count.

But then... am I being too sensitive, I find myself asking that question..

But then.. for some reason, I realise that it's really the more you care for someone, the more you open yourself up to them. You trust them, and you somehow believe in certain things about them... that they'll be there for you. That they'll be sensitive to you. That they'll be able to tell when things are wrong. But it's funny how when you've been hurt before, and you really need their considerate natures the most.. that they sometimes fail to rise to the occasion. And then you hide back into a shell that you know you should have stayed behind all along.

But then again, think about it. Am I like that for others? Am I as sensitive as I am to them? Because I doubt that I have been, so do I have the right to deserve such things?

Point being... in the end, we're all selfish people. It is only by the grace of God that we are able to do certain things.. so I really wonder...

What is the purpose of all these things to begin with anyway? What is the purpose of life? Sure... people say as long as you walk right with God, you wouldn't have all these thoughts.

Easier said than done... and before we make such blatant comments... perhaps we should evaluate ourselves, and ask ourselves if we're really doing that very thing right?

Because I think that there's always something to learn, and in this case, the apparent paradoxical nature of it all.. I wonder... what will the end result be? I don't know, and being honest, I'm worried about what the outcome might be from all these...

I'll just be prayerful.

Dear Mandy..

Sometimes it's kind of strange to realise how life can really turn you 360degrees around and land you back at the same spot.

And above all else, I sometimes feel that there's more to it than just that. There's so much to do, so much to learn.

And I'm extremely thankful for the wonderful friends that I've met along the way...
Audrey, my dearest best friend.. thanks for being there all the time.
KT and Vonne, my guardian angels.. =)
And the tribe, my beloved 20th, and among others more.

What can I say? I'm just a jumble of thoughts. =)

Dear Mandy,

Happy Chinese New Year and Happy Valentine's Day.. =)

It's a day that encompasses meeting up with relatives that are long not met, as well as a day where lovers celebrate a day of love. For me... it seems that this year, it's a tad slower and wistful than normal.. for a few reasons I guess?

Sis is getting married, so this is technically the last CNY I have to spend with my beloved sister who's seen me grow all this while. Though we've had our rough patches, and due to the work that we both have, haven't had all that much time together, I know I'm going to miss her. Sis is and will always be an integral part of my life, and as time slowly but surely passes, I know that this intensity will just get more and more strong. I'm happy for sis that she's moving on to the next phase of life, but similarly, a tad wistful that it's going to also mean farewell. =)

Perhaps I'm just not suited to think of it as Valentine's Day, but more of just hanging on to know that it's going to be just another day that's special. But I wish all couples out there a happy Valentine's Day, and I pray that you'll be richly blessed. =)

These days, I think that the workload's going to start getting more and more, and this break isn't going to be too much of a break as I want to get work done, start on my projects and essays, and to get ahead on my readings.. but I know that with the Mid Terms that are coming, I'm going to have to make time for those as well, but I want to do well. There're so many responsibilities to balance out, so many people that I want to make time for because they mean so much to me, and above all, the need to find some... "me time". I've really appreciated the ability to have that kind of time in Canada... time to just space out, to do the things that I want to do, have time to just... read the things I want to read, and all these while still being ahead of my own game.

I never knew that it'd be such a huge difference in adjustment upon coming back, but I guess that it's really true when you say that the grass always is greener on the other side. I just need to get back into that rhythm, and stop finding excuses for the things that I haven't done. I need to be more optimistic, and I need to remember that it's so much easier to give into sadness, because that's surrender... There's a battle to fight, but I want to know that God will be with me so I will be strong and I will make it through.

That being said.. there are so many questions that are going through my head as well.. and I know that there's no need for me to get the answers now, but I really wish I knew. Oh well. =)