Dear Mandy...

I feel rather emotional and random at the moment... and I wonder why! It's supposed to be the Chinese New Year break... but somewhere at the back of my mind lies the fact that I have a presentation and a class test on the Wednesday immediately after the break. Somewhere in my heart lies the many concerns that I worry about. And somewhere in my soul is a longing for a deeper thirst for my Lord. Ok, so the last concern isn't that bad.. =) I mean... I do enjoy worshipping God, I do enjoy reading His word. But of late, I do feel rather happier when I'm by myself... which ideally means God and I. After all, I'm never really alone.

But as I try to analyse my feelings that have been extremely sensitive lately, I realise that it's really a lot of confusion, and heartfelt matters that I've kinda been "shelving" to put it mildly. And as I review them, some of them I have recovered from without knowing it, thanks to time, friends and God's wondrous works. Others.. I'm still KIV. Questions like... my identity? Or... where do I go from here? Or... my future? Things like that... I'm still wondering.

A picture I took long ago.. I was thinking then...

Of course, I realise I don't really have answers.. but of late, a lot of the things that I've been reading out of Kim Meeder's "Bridge Called Hope" has been speaking to me. So much so that I even have thought about using some of her stories to teach in the form of a word... that's how much it speaks to me. I was reading on friendship today, and here's a paragraph that's amazing...

"We need friends... all of us.
No person or creature can survive alone. Nor was any person or creature meant to.
Real friendship does more than just make us feel better; truly, it makes us better.
True friendship is strong, purposeful, honest, compassionate, and steadfast.
A real friend gently reveals our weakness, while cheering every step toward our newfound strength.

It holds us up when we are weak."

I do find her definition of friendship very very true, and real. Friends are the people who stand by us despite seeing our ugliest sides. Friends are the people who not only critique you, they walk with you, encourage you, and they see the changes no matter how slight. Above all, they invite you to be a better person without losing the essence of who you are.

It is with regards to such words that make me in awe of the wonder of language. I am happy that I'm a linguist... honestly. They are such interesting analyses, and it's a small world that opens up to those who have studied linguistics before. Of course... perhaps it's also part of the threos of being a student. =) Hahaha.... I'm a bit incoherent. PLease do not analyse this discourse for it probably flouts the coherence factor... =)

Well... that concludes my random rambling today. Hahaha... Happy Chinese New Year everyone. May you be prosperous this year! =)

Dear Mandy...

I haven't really been in the blogging mood of late.. been rather tired, and just lethargic... but so many things have happened, that I guess it's about time I really really update.



This is really something I've been watching lately. THe Balcony Scene of Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet in 1996. I feel that Claire Danes has really great screen presence! And I love LOVE the discourse that takes place between Juliet and Romeo... It's so lovely.. Juliet's monologue of how she'll accept Romeo for who he is... Romeo's pledge that he'll risk himself for her.. it's lovely... I was captured by Juliet's line:

"What's Montague?
It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm nor face;
nor any other part belonging to a man.
O, be some other name!
What's in a name?
That which we call a rose
by any other word would smell as sweet.
So Romeo would were he not Romeo called
Retain that dear perfection which he holds without that title.
Romeo doff thy name
And for they name which is no part of thee
Take all myself."

I like the part whereby Juliet comments about the word. If we were to call a rose by another word.. maybe... "Juliet"... then "Juliet" would be used to represent a rose, and it would be a wonderful name for the entity that it represents... It isn't the name that really really matters... we can call it anything.. but at the end of the day, it is the form that it represents that matters... we can call a rose many things... "rose", "flower of love"... and yet, it is still essentially a rose.

Lectures this semester are really really interesting!! I enjoy my EL mods, and even my Soci of Tourism! Well, Stats is also interesting, but seriously.. my arts mods are so interesting, that I not only stay awake in lessons easily, but I also find myself in deep thought about what has been taught. It's really amazing how God also places Himself in my lectures.

At EL3254 Lecture...
"Who can have a complete and unrefracted capture of the world? Well... only I guess only God can."

At EL3204 Lecture...
"Insult-Insult can be an adjacency pair. But what about Insult-Compliment? Then we can all be like Jesus and turn our other cheek to be slapped too."

How apt that even in lectures, the sovereign Lord drops in little nuggets of reminders of who He is, and how omnipresent He is. =)

Well, other than that.. a week ago, we had the "Love Our Neighbour" Tribe Service Day, and being honest, it went well. There were a lot of cleaning duties, decoration making sessions and interaction with both the elderly and among ourselves... but I was thankful that the tribe gave a turnout of close to 30 people, and that everyone pitched in. It felt so much like a family again.. I missed that kinda feeling. Glad and many thanks to Adeline who came down, and thanks to Jin Hui, Xiaoyun and Joshua! We make a good team!! =)

My personal takeaways from the cleaning... I realised that if I can muster the courage to speak to elderly who're not close to me (I.E. Complete strangers), then I should be able to spend more time with my own grandmother... Praise be to the Lord... the next Monday, I made time to go down to my Grandmother's house with my mom, when I really wanted to study.. but in doing so, I made an effort to talk to her.. I haven't been there for some time, cause I'm always busy.. but the Lord prompted me to go, and go I did. It was a short time? About 30 mins? BUt it was fruitful and fulfilling all the same.

Trying out a new regime at the moment... run 4 times a week about 3 to 5km each run, and I will do static stations at the end of each run to tone my body for the upcoming IPPT. I wanna maintain my silver, but not to the extent that I get my silver and end up half dead... so I will train.. though it's draining, and can be tiring.. but I will do so. =) Nothing ventured, nothing gained... and well... as what the theme so far has been about.. until we go through fire, we will not be properly moulded. =)

Yesterday, we had a surprise farewell for Xiaoyun at SMU.. Quite a turnout.. XY, Vanessa C., Felicia, Audrey, Alicia, Rachel, Zhen Zhu, Isaac and Wei Liang came down... quite a fun session definitely... we sang, we prayed, we ate, we laughed, we talked... like a family, except when the music ends, so does the curtain be drawn. It ended a bit too soon? But I also know that indeed.. it is a session that was really memorable.

Today I went back to VJC to study.. and reaped unforseen benefits. Not only was i productive for a rekindling of my Saturday studying sessions (1 tutorial and 3 readings), but I managed to talk to Geraldine, WELCO, and the Oreintation Adhoc, specifically Lennart, Subra and Kendrick till about 8pm at night, sharing about Council history, and our Secondary School experiences. It was rather memorable, definitely.

Amazingly, I think because I've been expending too much energy the last few weeks over event after event, I felt surprisingly rested in my studying, and in talking to people. I just... really enjoyed it. I felt God's presence in my studying, and even in the chats... but the run that I did kinda pooped me out... haha.. been runnin 3km, suddenly jump to 4.8km took a bit of a toll... and the static after that... whooo!! Hahaha... high. =)

But then... I forgot that I wanted to do QT with God after my run.. in my exhaustion, i just took my stuff and found a table to study... no wonder I wasn't productive... haha.. God wanted to spend time with me! So I came home, and after dinner, I worshipped the Lord and read 2 chapters off Kim Meeder's "Bridge called Hope". And the Lord spoke to me. He spoke so much to me about certain things I've bene going through, and I just felt so emotional.

One line stood out strongly for me in the book...

"Being loved changes us all"

How true this quote is. When people give you feedback or rebuke you out of love, you're more receptive to change than when someone comes out straight to pinpoint flaws that you have and make it seem like it's your fault that you're like that. Perhaps because I'm a word person, so the choice of words appeal to me... but I guess we all have our little glitches. I'm changing, I can sense it... but for some reason, I don't feel very comfortable with the change...

I guess I need more time for reflecting...

Thanks Panda and Vette-Vette though.. for standing by me...

Thanks Vonne, for tagging about me. =)

Dear Mandy...

It has truly been an exhausting period, but God's grace has been abundant in this period of time.

Let me recap event by event.
The Funkamania XIV location search was becoming quite a worry, because nobody really replied us if we could use the hall venues. Then, I had to ring up the halls as a final resort (and those close to me know how much I dislike doing such things), and when I reached Sheares hall, they had already sent us the application form! I was so astounded, because before I rang up Sheares, I felt a compelling from the Lord to worship Him. What's more amazing is that my internet went down, so I couldn't find Sheares' number, so I had to worship Him. So as I did, I prayed.. and of which, I prayed for favour in finding a location. So imagine how surprised I was when I rang up Sheares, to find out that they're ok with us loaning the place? Truly truly praise God.

Next, the one day camp for Anderson Primary School. I didn't get much sleep the night before cause I went out for a movie outing, so I was actually a bit tired. And to top things off I was seriously very early.. so what did I do? I started to pray. So when the camp actually began, I was rather... how shall I say... irritated. I realised they have really short attention spans, and some of them are quite rude, and they don't listen to instructions. Team dynamics were not really strong at all when we began, and there were even tears, and close to blows being exchanged. It was a struggle to control them. I didn't compare myself with other groups for some reason, I think it was really God's plan, and I just did my best. Over lunchtime, the Instructors had some exchange of ideas, and we realised that in general the batch were that hyperactive and in some sense, selfish. But I didn't want that to be the case for my group... especially since the next event was something I enjoyed doing- Sandcastle building! But praise God, because my group all worked together. I realised that they were just kinestetic learners, and they preferred hands on over anything else. They were so eager to learn what I had to teach, and after teaching, I found opportunities for them to exercise what they had learnt. They worked so well together, and on one small plot of land, that it impressed a lot of the teachers, and even some of my colleagues. And when we won best sandcastle? I cheered, and I gave glory to God.

Then, the Home Nursing Foundation- Wen Ken active swim. This event was really one interesting event by itself. The planning and the logistics were very last minute, and many changes were expected and in motion here and there, that even for myself, I got a bit confused, and admittedly, irritated by certain proceedings and changes. So when we went for the event itself, I was praying over QT in the morning for the event to be a success in its own way. The day didn't start well... XY couldn't wake up on time, and Isaac was slightly late.. but I resolved not to let the irritation mount.. and so things went well. We reached Clementi Swimming Complex by 8am, so we weren't that bad. Then it was really kick off into full swing... I was the Master of Ceremony for the day, and that didn't go off too well initially... I was hesitant, and to some extent, even scolded at certain situations... so I was like praying already. XY even came to give a quick intercessory prayer, and then everything went into full swing. And what was good? I started to smoothly speak. Even at last minute intervals, I managed to handle it well. And i attribute it all to the Lord. The event went very very smoothly, actually.. we were supposed to swim 8 000 laps to break into the new record. We swam 14, 159 laps instead, so really praise God. I also managed to meet up with my ex-students, Adeline and Jun Le, so that's another blessing to give thanks for!

Then, the first ever senior cluster cell group! I was a bit apprehensive about going for this event, actually, cause I was rather tired. But I decided to go. And the event was really really cozy. I admit.. I felt so much at home. And when we started worship? My goodness.. it was a very spirit-led worship. I felt so much as ease, and I just remained silent for a long stretch of time, because all I wanted was to be quiet in the presence of God, and find my rest in Him. That's all I wanted, and I was contented doing so. And I realised that it is the small things that the Lord uses to make big. Like how a small idea of swimming 7, 000 laps for a challenge eventually became a record-breaking event. Or how something small like turning up for cell, ends up with us being blessed and recharged. Such small things that make me so in awe of this wonderful saviour.

Also, this season of "Love your neighbour"... we are called to be committed to the success of someone.. and I happened to do so for Debz indirectly! She was so worried about not being able to get her final module, and asked me to pray for her. Which I did over MSN, and even encouraged her to appeal... and today, she called up the Philo Dept, and she got the module! It was so amazing! And God showed His favour again, when Debz received a phone call from her mother... she called me to tell me, and I prayed for her over the phone. And then, the Lord told me "I am pleased, my son, because you are committed to the success of this daughter of mine."

Is our God great? He definitely is. =)