Dear Mandy..

"Do you remember when you were in kindergarten, how you just meet somebody, and then 10 seconds later you're playing like you're best friends? Because you didn't have to be anybody but yourself?" -Gabriella Montez, High School Musical.

Have you ever felt that way? Well, I have, and these feelings come across rather frequently as well. Sociology believes that everything is a social construct.. society, education, culture... they're all social constructs. We live by rules that society deem as good, if not, we're deviant. Kinda like... conversational implicature... Conversational implicature is defined as the meaning that is implied by or understood from the utterance of a sentence goes beyond that which is literally expressed or may be entailed. We all think that we're being ourselves.. but in truth, we aren't. We see ourselves as conventional implicatures; defined as the aspect of meaning of an utterance that reflects that of a specific word and does not take part in truth conditions; meaning literal interpretations. The things we do, the trends we follow, sometimes, the thoughts that go through our minds.. they're all socially constructed in someway.

Which brings us to politeness theory, and that of negative face, defined as the want that one's freedom of action should not be impeded by others. Which makes lots of sense to me. Then of course, people would counter it with "without such social constructs, then there'd be no order in the world." Oh yeah.. sure. Everyone's a critic, even myself sometimes. Then again, if everyone knows and truly walks with the Lord, then even without social order, there'd be peace, because everyone follows the Lord's commands. THAT is the best case scenario... the ultimate perfect scene... which is probably only available in heaven.

Which... kinda brings us to another avenue. If everything is a social construct, then do we not live sometimes according to what others want us or think of us to be? Why, yes, of course, definitely! There're people who try to impose their own ideologies on others, known as positive face, defined as the want that one's own wants are equally desirable to others. Then, we realise that though sometimes they mean well? That they are trying to help you "save your future or your ass", that in some senses, in doing what they suggest sometimes, it isn't you anymore. So we end up having to stifle ourselves, change certain aspects of ourselves, because, in all honesty, we are trying to conform ourselves to fit that world's perspective on what is considered "socially acceptable". How quaint...

Ravaged by the world's conformities and all.. it sometimes makes one start to lose hold of himself. While praying today... and over the 25th SC's SDD and the council in general... I came to realise that I should not live by man's standards, but by God's standards. It was a timely reminder, that in spite of all that happens, the Lord makes things beautiful in His time. Of course, there was the verse from Isaiah 40:31.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary;
they will walk and not be faint."
-Isaiah 40:31

What did this verse mean to me? Many things I guess... in conjunction with the song "Power of Your love", which i sang to the Lord in worship, I realise that indeed, those that hope in the Lord will be bale to achieve all those... find refreshment in the Lord. And also, in some abstract notion, that we hope in the Lord, and it implies that in some way, we are living to what God wants us to be. I do see many flaws and many imperfections in me... so I guess I want to live to God's standards... and not conform to the standard of man.

"In this life, we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great Love"
-Mother Theresa

This is a quote I hold rather dear to me, because I believe in it. But to begin with, who can claim that he/she has great love in everything they do? We will never know, only the Lord knows. But if we try.. then I believe we will get somewhere. It may not seem like much... but we will get somewhere. People have been hurt, people have been disappointed, and people have been disillusioned.. but the perfect love of the Lord will provide, and wash away all these inhibitions and fears. Because the Lord is faithful.

It's pretty amazing what 25 minutes of whole-hearted worship and prayer can reveal to you. =)

Dear Mandy..

And so the exams began officially today...

How do I feel? Well, the paper today (EL2201) was interesting, and in some sense, I had fun doing the paper.. I don't know how well I'll do? But I prayed before I submitted the paper that it's all in the Lord's hands.. and surprisingly, His peace transcended over the entire paper. There were questions that I didn't know how to do, or that I was doubtful about. But praise God that He gave me answers when I prayed, helping me to see clearly certain question's requirements.. it was quite heartwarming to know that the Lord's with me even as I take the paper.

I finished the paper and also checking it with 5 minutes to go, and I spent 3 out of that 5 minutes just praying. Praying for the people around me, my close friends... it was really a calming presence.

So, it's 1 down, 3 to go. And I will recrank that engine for Semantics and JS that are BOTH on Monday. =) God be with me. =)

Dear Mandy...

W.R.T. my 715 prayer... I also did it at NUS, and it reaped many unforseen benefits, with lots of grace unto the Lord.

A buzz was filling the canteen as we gathered at 700. The swarm of people gathering for Operation 715 was huge... It reminded me of a verse from the Nehemiah model that Sharon is using for NUS...

Nehemiah 4:20
"Whenever you hear the sound of the trumpet, join us there. Our God will fight for us!"

Indeed, the Lord has sounded the trumpet, and His prayer warriors have gathered for the exact purpose of serving the Lord, and to see His will be done in our college. I was all fired up, and after Pastor Yolanda prayed for us, we split into our groups, as XY mentioned: Arts, Science and Engine. So I went to the Arts group, with an eager heart, but somehow, the Lord told me "Be prepared." So I wondered, be prepared for what?

Sharon: "Daniel, you'll be the leader for the Arts group."
What? Me?
And God replied "Yes, you."

The enthusiasm went "poof" as I considered the responsibility laid upon me.
Am I capable of leading a group of 8 Christians on this prayer walk? Why me, God?
And God replied "Because you pray to me that MY WILL BE DONE. Now go."

So obediently, I led the 8 warriors on the prayer walk. I led them with anxiety in my heart, and fervently praying for the Lord to grant me strength to lead this group of His warriors on this spiritual walk, praying for guidance and direction.
Oh Lord... calm my heart down and guide me.
And God replied "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to me. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. I AM WITH YOU."

I calmed down considerably, and managed to even joke with some of the Christians along with me. Somehow, with the peace that came, did many revelations that resulted from a peace of God and the opening of spiritual senses. So I noticed that the students in NUS will be the next batch of leaders of sectors in society. So I noticed that direction is important, especially the ones who set it. And I noticed certain areas in FASS that the Lord was heavily burdened by, and the Lord even gave me the courage to stop the prayer group, and pray about the area.
Dear Lord, open up my spiritual senses to see what You want me to see; feel what You want me to feel.
And God replied "As you have asked, so shall you receive."

We gathered back at the Deck for debriefing, and I thank God that my really good friend in FASS, ShuYan was proactive in sharing, and so helpful and endearing. From her, the sharing just flowed, and as I availed myself to be used by the Lord, I found myself drinking of His strength, and felt the wonders of being guided by Him. And when we sat in a circle facing outwards, saying the declaration prayer, God's glory shone when everyone of us were saying the prayer with the same intonation in the same places at the same time. And when we sang "Shout to the Lord", I called each member to sing with sincerity, in the way the Lord calls us to. The voices harmonised, the melody sweet, and I believe, pleasing to the Lord.
Oh Lord, accept this sacrifice of praise as your people sing with sincere hearts unto You.
And God replied "I am pleased."

With the closure of the prayer meet, I prayed over the entire group as a whole, and blessed them. As the group departed, the Lord gave me time to seek Him alone in thanksgiving, as I gave thanks for the whole experience, because indeed, the Lord is faithful, and He is good.
Dear Lord, I thank You for bringing me through this ordeal.
And God replied "I love you, my child, and ne'er will I forsake you."

Is our God wonderful? Yes, He is. He even led Shu Yan to come find me, and a time of short, but meaningful fellowship with this sister of mine who has taken 3 modules with me when we are different majors, and who I have come to cherish as a dear sister to me. It was an Operation where God called His warriors, and though we go through the valleys of Baca, He used us to make it a place of springs.

Operation 715: COMPLETED!

Dear Mandy...

It's been some time, but it's also been a time of a lot of revelations and quite some things on my mind, that I know I have to find time to reflect and pray about. Some good, some pose a change for the future, and some could be bad... but I'm wondering. =)

The GEK1052 project went so smoothly and wonderfully, that I'm really just so blessed by the Lord. He took us through a journey that started off rocky, worrying, and left us on the verge of throwing in the towel at times... but the Lord stayed true to His promises. It's really a miracle... because we couldn't find an elderly agency, and checking everywhere, it didn't really help out. So I prayed to the Lord one fine day when I was so desolate and desperate... and I cried while worshipping Him and playing the guitar. The Lord's words were simple: "My son, why do you worry when I am with you?" and He gave me a revelation that by the end of the week, He will provide. Lo and behold, at 2pm that Saturday, I received a call from Yan Ying to say that Siyun had found an elderly contact! Imagine my joy! I learnt that it is really in our weakness that the Lord is made strong, and I'm really thankful, and in awe of the wonders of my Lord.

If that's not all, the project was really God's grace throughout. There are times when I feel uncomfortable that we're going in unprepared, or even felt irritated that sometimes, we can't find the time to meet up and tie down important pointers. But then, whenever I choose to commit it unto the Lord, He really takes us through it. I believe that choosing to trust the Lord is a difficult option at times? BUt when we do it by faith, the Lord is faithful. =)

Well... and about affairs of the heart... I'm slowly letting go... and there have been really nice people around who are really encouraging. Especially with the latest proceedings at the moment, which I really want to take slowly and evaluate every possible thing, and most importantly, wait for the Lord's confirmation. I really want to be patient and wait for the Lord's timing for the Lord's plan. It will be beautiful. =)

As we all know, it's reading week, and the final exams are just around the corner. Still have one more essay to do, which I managed to complete the first draft today... but this is probably an essay that I need to relook at. Yet, this season, I want to be a student that the Lord wants me to be.. I want to be able to strike a balance between studying hard and being content with the grades the Lord wants me to have.

There's so much to be done, so little time.. but I will believe, because my God is wonderful. =)