Dear Mandy,



This song... is the first ever Japanese song that I ever fell in love with, and now, here it is, the complete MTV, with English subtitle translations. I love the lyrics, I love the meaning, and I love the emotions invoked by this song.




This is the first Korean song that ever melted my heart... because of the true simplicity of the meaning of the song, and the honest opinions that were brought out by it. =)

Well, if it's not too much, take a listen. =)

Dear Mandy,

I just watched another sad tearjerker movie, and in contrast to the sweet comedy I watched in the morning, I really like this one.


The whole synopsis can be found in this website: http://www.lovehkfilm.com/panasia/heavenly_forest.htm

Well, the movie has a very subtle plot, and in some sense... the girl Miyazaki Aoi portrays (Shizuru) reminds me of myself... haha... ok, so I'm not entirely like her... but in some areas.. I feel it's the same. I have to admit though, I'm not nearly as strong as she is... how she befriends Miyuki, the girl of Makoto's dream, despite her love for Makoto... and everything. But it does become obvious.. (perhaps cause I think too much into the whole plot and everything). But then again, this movie made me think about a lot of things...

What's better: to love or be loved. I know that everyone has their own mixed opinions about things... but I do believe that to love is better. Because love doesn't necessarily mean having to be together with that person for you to get happiness. I believe that true love is to see the people (or in this case, person) that you love being happy. And I know now that indeed... this is what I should do. =) Perhaps I really did set off on the right direction.. but to those who know what I'm talking about... I guess I really saw the light. =)

It seems that everything of late was preparing me for this? Listening to Evelyn Tan's old songs yesterday, Deborah talking to me about really giving up everything to the Lord, and now the movie, Heavenly Forest. It was really giving up on your own love so that your own love would be able to move on with life, and handle your departure better. It's... really a very huge sacrifice. I found myself wondering... would I be able to handle such a sacrifice? Would I even be able to make such a sacrifice? One can only wonder.. it's easy to say "Yes I can" right now... but when it really happens... how many of us can say "Yes" then?

Honestly... It's a call to really evaluate everything that's happened, and even find some time to reflect upon all that has happened, and to really tune my attitude, preparing it for the next semester, and also, for the next chapter of life that looms ahead for me... and amazingly, whatever I was sharing with Pearlyn just now was also in tune with this.

"You are your greatest teacher."

I was sharing with Pearlyn that this quote is quite true... because... we decide our attitudes. And our attitude determines what we want to learn, what we want to absorb, what we want to retain, does it not? And I resolved that... because God is concerned with the state of the heart most, and our attitudes are a reflection of the state of our heart. So I resolve to try to maintain this... the human mind's fickleness I know too well of.. so I wanna just try to make this happen...

Well... this is a new step out. I'll take it in faith. =)

Dear Mandy,

Well... today, i got a new baby!!

Tee hee... meet my new hi-fi player that can play CDs, have an FM radio, and plays through my IPod as well! Haha... and the sounds system is goooood! =) Of course... when this baby came in... I had to do some stuff...


Well, on the left is the cleared table.. looks so empty right? That's when you end up looking on the right, which are all my table's stuff on the floor.. haha... yes yes.. I got a lot of junk on my table right? So that's why I had to clear my table!!! Haha.. i dumped lots and lots of stuff.. stuff that honestly, I've been keeping quite nostalgic moments... but in the end, I decided to do one clearance, and was more selective than I ever was.. and now, this is the end product!!

It's definitely more spacious and neater than it used to be... haha... happy happy happy!!! So now my new baby is on my table, and now I don't have to worry about no music... or rather... the hassle whenever I wanted to play music. Haha.. happy happy!!

Dear Mandy...

Sometimes.. guys can be complete jerks... seriously.. I just came off the phone with Maggie... and what she's told me (I'm not comfortable sharing what she told me), i deduce that some guys can really be complete jerks... of course... I also have to admit that there are some girls who can be jerks too... but somehow or rather... I just don't understand some things...

What does it take, being honest, to make a difference? What does it take to be what people would see as a good husband? And where is the line between loyal faithfulness and blind dumbness? I guess that's something that I'll never really be able to find out. It's really... just... that feeling of not knowing where i fit in, or where I belong that really scares me and makes me think about what life is all about; wondering what God has planned for my life... and the whole uncertainty of it all has this mysterious feel, but also this apprehensive ambiguous feel. Like... you're stuck in the middle, and you know not of what may be, or what will be.

After the conversation with Maggie.. something she told me really struck me, and got me wondering.. I shared it with Deborah, and both of us kinda... feel the same way, given that both of us are undergoing something similar at the moment... I'll share my interpretation of what Maggie told me:

"You chose this path, so please be happy... for you had a choice, but I didn't really have one."

I know.. I know that God gave us the ability of choice, which is also one of God's greatest gifts to us. I do believe that I have the choice to decide how my attitude to life is going to be. It's just difficult to always stay the same... you can decide today you wanna be the most optimistic person in the whole wide world, and the next thing you know.. your whole world comes tumbling and crashing down on you, and you're left wondering what hope is there left to be optimistic.

But there's always hope... it's just hard to cling onto it when all you see is that little speck of light that signifies hope in an otherwise completely dark environment. But then.. you take baby steps towards that light, and you don't know it then, but every single step that you take is an increase in the hope that you harbour. At this moment, I believe that that's me. I'm trying to remain optimistic, trying to reach for that light... and I'm growing in hope each step I take. It's definitely encouraging to myself.

Of course.. I couldn't have made it without some people who've stuck by me, or given me sound advice all this while... Cheryl, Deborah, Maggie, Kristy, Audrey, Priscilla, Felicia, Xiaoyun, my "daughters" Serene and Yi Wei, Joel, Isaac, Zhiyuan and Jacob... and it's really been nice to know that there're always people who'll be there for you when you need them. Of which, Kristy's advice, Priscilla's constant presence, Deborah's companionship and Maggie's phone calls have been really heartwarming.. and I want to thank God for always being there. Really really thank you to everyone.

Today's "Step Up" BBQ went well, and praise God for good weather and good fellowship. But as the night drew to a close, and we had our debrief.. I couldn't help but notice that there were things that we've been overlooking, despite the relative success of the event. But one thing is for sure, is that, along the way, we've made considerable progress. Whenever I think back of the first day we ever had the programme to the current location that we're in, I really give thanks to the Lord. But as the new semester is to begin, I urged them to also begin on a new slate. Forgetting our past disappointments, discouragements and doubts, and to really refresh our spirit in the Lord, and starting on new ground. Each of the facilitators have their own strengths, and we have to tap on that aspect, as well as learn and improve ourselves from each other to grow stronger. So far, we're really starting to complement each other... and I believe that it's really all God's amazing grace.

So, as we forge onwards in hope, let us also forge forwards with our walk with God. =)

John 14:6-
'Jesus answered, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Dear Mandy,

I got tagged by XiaoWei to do this... *grumbles*... this daddy sometimes is taken advantage of by his daughters...

1.At what age do you wish to get married?
- I thought about this seriously before.. between 29 to 32.

2.If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 4 buddies you'd take and why?
- If i can choose, I'd take a lot of people.. 20th, JB Tribe, some close friends. BUt if I die die have to take only 4... I'd take Zhiyuan, Jacob, Cheryl, and Kristy.

3.Where is the place you want to go the most?
- A place where the beach is tranquil, and is serene...

4.If you can have 1 dream come true, what would it be?
- That everyone around me can be happy

5.Do you believe you can survive without money?
- Yeah.. definitely... the most precious things in the world cannot be bought!

6.What are you afraid to lose the most?
- My close friends, my family... but most importantly, I don't want to lose God.

7.If you win $1 million, what would you do?
- $1 million? I'd keep 20% for myself, donate 20% of it to the church for the furtherance of God's kingdom, donate 20% to a community cause, 10% to my parents, 10% to my sister, and the remaining 20% to be distributed to the needy.

8.If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
- If that person is the one meant for me, as ordained by God, He will tell me if I should.

9.One bad point the person who tagged you has got.
- YiWei: she's my "daughter". Haha.. blur. =)

10.Is everything possible to you?
- If God ordained it, it will be possible.

11.What kind of person do you hate the most?
- Arrogant, self-centered and insensitive.

12.If you are given the chance to go back to the past and make a difference, would you?
- Yes.. there're just too many things that I would have loved to change...

13.What thing cannot be seen by the others the most?
- For me.. I believe it's the state of the heart.

14.Any wisdom to share with your readers?
- 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 6 says "⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."

15.If there's a war happening in your place, are you going to move to a safer place, or fight?
- Respond to the activation. Bid farewell to my loved ones, and go in with the purpose of fighting my best, because I want to protect them.

16.If you have the chance, which part of your character would you lik to change?
- Well.. God created me the way He deemed me as perfect... isn't it? =)

17.Who is the person you can share all your problems with?
- There're a few. I'd rely on God first and foremost.. but I know that where I need confidantes, I have people like Deborah, Kristy, Zhiyuan, Jacob, and even my sotong babies! =)

18.What do you think the most stupid thing humans can get into?
- Well.. if it was stupid, then that would mean everyone has probably done it before right? -_-""

19.What does love means to you?
- Love... is unconditional, love is patient... love is an unexplainable phenomenon

20. Tag 10 people to do this...
- I'm not tagging anyone... =)


There!! DOne!! Xiaowei!!!! U cannot complain le! =)

Dear Mandy,

Sometime back.. I started thinking about what is loss, in actual reality. No prizes for guessing that I've been through a bit of a rough patch, and I'm still healing (no, nobody passed away yeah?), but along the way... I guess I started to attempt to understand just why things happen the way they do.. trying to think about what God has in plan for certain things happening the way they do. My conclusion? I don't really know either. I cannot fathom the wonders that God has done in my life and in the lives of others, but I cling on to His promises of a future to prosper me, and His plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Then.. i watched "Message in a bottle". And what I'm going to do now, is to give you the very first letter that Theresa ever found, that was written by Garrett for Catherine in a bottle Theresa found by the sea.

"Dear Catherine,

I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in so long. I feel I've been lost; no bearings, no compass. I keep crashing into things; a little crazy I guess. I've never been lost before- You were my true North. I could always steer for home when you were my home. Frogive me for being so angry when you left. I stil think some mistakes were made, and I'm waiting for God to take them back.

But I'm doing better now. The work helps me. Most of all, you help me. You came into my dream last night with that smile of yours that always held me like a mother, rocked me like a child. All I remember from the dream is the feeling of peace. I woke up with that feeling and tried to keep it alive as long as I could, and writing to tell you that I'm on a journey toward that peace. And to tell you I'm sorry for so many things.

I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you so that you never spent one minute being cold, or scared, or sick.

I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words to tell you what I was feeling.

I'm sorry I didn't fix the screen door. I fixed it now.

I'm sorry I ever fought with you.

I'm sorry I didn't apologise more; I was too proud.

I'm sorry I didn't bring you more compliments for everything you wore and very way you fixed your hair.

I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength that even God couldn't pull you away.

All my love,
G"

And then, it kinda struck me there and then.. that in all honesty, loss is something that happens so that we can start to appreciate things more. Well, it isn't the only reason for the existence of loss, but in this simple.. letter.. it really showed me what loss could be to some people. It's a reminder of the things that you could have done.. it's a reminder that you shouldn't miss any chance to show people how much they mean to you.

Even as I sort of handle the sudden change in events between a close friend and myself, handle the stress of "Step-Up" programme and Magicbox merchandise sales, I come to realise that I have to rely on God for strength to be strong for others.. and in some way, myself. I cannot deny that things between us are awkward, to say the least, but I believe that both of us know what we need to do.. we just need time? Then I turn to God's promise.. that in His time, He'll make all things beautiful (Ecclesiastes 3:11) .

I'm learning as I go along.. but trust me when I say that I'm not sharing much of what has happened to me these days, because I'm not really comfortable with it. Well.. people who know me, know how I'm like (yes Kris.. I can hear you scolding me already..). So there's really no point asking or probing. I'll tell in due time.. when things are more or less evened out.

Please watch Magicbox! Details are on www.magicbox.com.sg !!

Well... I guess that if I find a purpose in doing something, then it all somehow gets better? I went for community service on Saturday... cause I went for Project S.M.I.L.E. (Spreading magic in love everywhere) and one of the course criteria was to go for this community service at NUH, to perform what we learnt for the children's wards and the elderly wards... and to be perfectly honest... I found so much meaning in the entire thing. My feelings were a bit warped... when I performed for that one kid in the A Class ward, who was flown in straight from Indonesia for a gall bladder operation, it filled me with emotions that had been long missing... I couldn't believe that once upon a time, I was his age... and when we performed each trick, his looks of innocent awe, and childish surprise, completely took my breath away, because I realised.. that for that short 10 to 15 minutes of performing for him... I allowed myself to forget about this skeptical world that we live in, and just to be amazed by the wonder of childish innocence and naivity, that which Jesus probably always wished that we would keep... Somewhere along the way, before I left, i reached down to hi-5 him, and he did just that, but he also gripped my hand tightly for a fleeting moment... I don't know.. but I just felt a bit... liberated? =)

The elderly side... they made me feel that the world has been harsh to some of them, where others make me feel like all they want is a little attention, and a little concern. There was this uncle.. who had problems speaking? And we couldn't really understand what he was saying really.. and though initially i felt that you know, he wasn't convinced by our magic? But after a while.. I saw that he just had problems communicating with us. And it kinda... brought this warm feeling? I dunno... then before we left, he held my hand so tightly.. and i managed to understand him trying to encourage us to keep trying. Such simple moments.. yet such impactful emotions. Wow.

I guess that God is there with me all this while.. I just need to trust Him. =) Be a surprise ambassador for Him! =)