Dear Mandy...

Well... I completed my first camp for CAMP HA on Tuesday... a maths enrichment camp for the P3 and P4 students of Huamin Primary... and well, I really experienced quite a fair bit, and came to a realisation about others.

The P3s were harder to handle as compared to the P4s, but I had fun with both levels anyway... I got the best class of P3 for day 1, and what was supposed to be the worse class of the P4s for day 2. Amazingly, though the activities for both days were the same, the level of maturity and the creativity of the P4s really surprised me. THe P3s spontaneity and dynamicisim also left me quite impressed...

However, I came to a realisation also of how increasingly pampered the younger generation have become. Though they did well in this day camp... but if I were to convert it into a more rugged camp.. I think that majority of them wouldn't have lasted this well...But that aside... i could also see why certain people behave they way they do in secondary school... it's because it was built up from primary school.. and it gave me this cold truth, that it may even be stemmed from kindergarten, or much younger... to these kids, it could be a means of survival.. being rebellious, being defiant... or it could be a result of being overly pampered... that they expect things to always go their way. I didn't know whether or not i should be worried for the future generations, but i do believe there is cause for concern. Has our system produced people who only care about academic excellence that they neglect about personal development? ONe can only wonder... but I do hope I'm wrong.

In any case, my P3 group got overall 1st and my P4 group got overall 2nd, missing out on getting first by 10 points. I was so so proud of my groups. Hahaha... I walked away with a very fulfilling experience...

That being said... I was re-watching this movie, "Gridiron gang", and I really felt inspired to do more for the students who stepped to the wrong side. Well, for Singapore, it means the people who have attitude problems, who are defiant, who are violent... though in America, it's the people who kill, who rob, who steal, etc etc... but in the Singaporean context in schools, it's trying to motivate people to study. But then, i stopped short, when i thought "Would I be stifling the creativity and potential of these students?" Because looking at it, they are the people who don't want to conform to an elitist education system where the only thing that matters mostly, are results, performance and achievements. It's become a rather jaded system that everyone has to rethink about. Of course, let's not forget the fact that small fry like us can only air our views privately, so I'd have to stop short here... but I really feel a need to re-evaluate our direction, and what is it that we really want out of our students.

I discussed a lot of things with Rainie yesterday, and came to understand a lot of truths. Well, our friendship really is developing well... in the short span of close to 1.5 months, we;ve grown to understand each other pretty good. And in the retrospect of social pressure and everything... I still believe that if it's in God's will, He will make a way for us. Of course, on our end, we have to be faithful and prayerful, but I am committing this relationship into God' hands, and praying for the best.

Both of us belong to a "Slide-phone family" which also involves Corina and Chuen Heng. Hahaha... quite funny actually.. Corina calls me daddy, so she's my daughter, and CHuen Heng calls Rainie mommy... so he's Rainie's son. But in truth, we are, what i used to call the Mugger 4. Hahaha... the 4 of us used to be the ones in ITR studying for mid years... and we grew to develop our SPF (Slide-phone family) courtesy of Corina. Hahaha.. we all also have our own individual traits... Rainie's the bo chup one, I'm the most childish, Corina is the blur one and Chuen Heng's the toot one. Hee... so funny. :P

Well, I think that life at the moment is really great... I'm really really quite happy about things, and looking forward to more to come. Praise God for His love and grace!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Dear Mandy...

Well, today officially marks the end of my 2 term journey as a relief teacher in BNSS...how am I feeling? Well, I feel absolutely weird, being honest. There's a good mix of almost every other emotion in me... I feel sad, lost, depressed, relieved, apprehensive... well, a mumbo jumbo of sorts, and I don't know what to make of it...

The moment I woke up, I just felt kinda surreal... like, the inevitable has finally come... it was hard to comprehend, but well, God seemed to know what was in store for me, when Dad actually let me drop him straight at Bishan without breakfast. Then I drove straight to school, to see the sotong babies... haha... then I quickly went upstairs to do my quiet time... then after that, headed back down to start distributing the thank you letters and cards.

Of course, without a doubt, the first people to get the cards from me were the Councillors! Haha.. Sharon, Adeline, Yi Wei, Serene, Chuen Heng, and Corina... then the funny questions that Shi Qi asked me :"You mean today is your last day arhz?" Hahaha... quite cute. Then the next question was "How come I don't have?" Hahaha... then I said "Because Corina's my nu er." Then Corina was like "Yar lor yar lor." Then I had to really hold back from laughing out loud too much. YiXin came over then, and I passed her all of 3E's letters... and well, could tell she was quite sad too.

Well, then Yi Wei hopped over in her usual XiaoWei fashion, and then held out this mini toons plastic bag, saying "This is from ALL your sotong babies to you!" Then I "Huh??!" Adeline giggled at my uber blur face, and then I opened the bag, and was super touched. Inside were 4 little octopus, to signify the sotong family larhz... haha... one BIG blue one, one medium PINK one, one small BLUE one and one PINK one on a stick, which i immediately used to hit Serene on the head. Hahaha...

After that, Yi Wei said "You better quickly go upstairs and put the bag down... later the admin say that teacher cannot accept gifts from students..." Haha... I was sincerely touched to have gotten this group of wonderful student leaders as friends. Before I went up however, I bumped into WanJing and Pamela. WanJing, or JingJing started with her usual "Wan neng lao shi", and gave me a package... Sigh, I was touched, really, and I guess that it was going to be a very emotional day.

After which, I went up, put down my bag, then headed down again. This time, to distribute the remaining letters and cards. Off went Huimin's, Hang Chi's, Claudia's, Valerie's, Shereen and Fuhairah's, Jerome's and Winnie's... And it was kinda nice to see their smiles and everything... it made me feel kinda nice. Then it was the singing of the national anthem, and well, the school sand quite softly, so they were told to sing again. Normally, I'd be strict with the kids, but today, God just told me that they were ready. So all I told 1H was "Just blast it. Just sing." And grinned mischieviously at them. In return, they smiled and giggled, and when the band played the music again, 1H stood out. They sang loudly, and though it kinda tapered off towards the end, I was very very proud of 1H.

I linked up with 1H in class, and proceeded to return them their workbooks and their projects, and already the class could sense a sort of farewell coming. So, I started to give my speech. And then after saying I dunno what... I gave out Valerie's sweets and a letter to each of the people in class. Well... they seemed ok, really... then I had the leftover letters for the absentees... so I gave them to Hafiza, asking her to help me pass to them, and then told her that if she faces any problems, she can email me, and flipped the paper over to show my e-mail address. Well, I dunno why, but she went "Cher!" Then started to cry. It was then that I saw that Aisyah was crying, that Gui Hou was crying, that Nas had gone silent, that Seow Fong started crying. And well, the whole class became an emo lot, and I found myself at a loss of what to do... Until Mr. Pang came in to bring the class to ITR. I just... really... didn't know what else I could say as the class quietly herded out... the tearing students, and all. And Zali... he asked me why I had to go... I really couldn't find an answer to his question.

After that, I headed upstairs to 1D. It was time to meet my previous co-form... and one that I truly, truly have never stopped cherishing since day 1. I sneaked into class from behind, and took up a very inconspicuous spot that was only spotted by Jasmine, Hui Quan, Syiqin, Zuhairah, Julia, Xun Jingm Nelson and Hamidah. The rest were completely oblivious to my presence, well, except for a couple of them who eventually saw me. Then Valerie was like "Mr. Lim, would you like to show yourself to the class?" That's when the whole class turned around to see this grinning cheshire cat at the back of the class.

I slipped XiaoYuan her bookmark, before making my way to the front of the class, and waited for Valerie to finish her lesson, her quiz and then giving out her sweets before I made my speech to the class. I apologised for not having been there for them, and explained that it didn't mean I like them any less. And Valerie really made me blush when she told the class "I can testify to that. To him, 1D is always the best." And well, I was seriously very embarrassed... haha... but it was really good, to feel that 1D still gave me their undivided attention, and it just felt like old times... taking a lovely class... then I gave away their individual letters.. before I slipped to one side, and after that left the class.

I spent most of the time after that talking to people.. Haida, June, Norliza, Mdm Teo, Miss Low, Mdm Tao, Miss Kannu... also partly because I decided to give away the thank you cards to each of them. And Mdm Tao was really nice with her words, and Miss Kannu came to me, and blessed me by telling me to work hard for God, before giving me a hug, and a kiss on my head. I felt really really blessed that God sent such a wonderful person to bless me. Mr. Wilson Chew too, in his own Catholic way, gave me his blessings... I felt really really blessed. Praise God for His blessings, and His angels in disguise.

I had to head off to 5B for a babysitting class after that, and finished writing somemore letters while I was there. Then, when I came down, it was time to clear all the leftover things I had left. I started with Mdm Haliza's chemistry, and I felt really sad that I couldn't finish marking them... and then Miss Rahma's remedial things, which I was actually quite glad to hand over. And then the returning of the tie to Mrs. Tan Ai-Lin, as well as leaving the letters for Mrs. Chan Hwee Chin, Helmiaty and Cheng Ying. Once that was done, I started to clear my table of the stuff... took me about 30 minutes to see an empty table, but hey, it was worth it. Then, I saw Hemiaty's note on my table... once again, got very touched... haha... then after that, we waited patiently for the bell to ring, before we headed off in a frenzy... taking photos with the teachers, with 1A, with my sotong family... Along the way, I picked up a few more letters and well wishes, and it made me even more sad to leave the school!

The three of us then went down to say farewell to Mrs. Kong and Miss Ho, as well as to the admin staff, before 1D approached me to ask me to book a BBQ pit for them, since they need someone with an IC. So I agreed, and drove Syiqin, Am, XiaoYuan, Hui Hui, Hamidah and Carissa to ECP, before they told us that the BBQ pit booking is now on AXS station... so had to drive down to Parkway to find the AXS station, and then a problem surfaced when ALL the BBQ pits were booked for Sat, so in their midst of deciding whether they want Sunday, I had to go, cause I had promised Rainie that I'd pick her up from lunch with my "daughter". So I rushed down to Paya Lebar, and dropped my "daughter" home, before I drove Rainie home.

Along the way, conversation just flowed... I really really love talking to Rainie... conversation just flows... we can talk about the simplest things... and still find something new to learn about each other. It's really amazing. Nowadays, I'm beginning the cherish the times I can spend with Rainie... because they are getting few and far between... what with her upcoming mission trips, and her lessons and CCAs from school, and her church commitments, and my promises to be accountable... well, we don't really have the time to meet up, and share.. but I believe that God will make a way... if it's in His will, He will make a way...

I dropped Rainie and her books off at her home before rushing home... but not before I asked her to hug me... Because I was really troubled and sad about leaving the school, I just felt kinda emotional, and needed a hug... so she hugged me... and suddenly, everything seemed alright... I didn't feel so alone in this world, and I felt quite safe... I thanked God for this wonderful best friend of mine... who's so influential, and such a sturdy pillar of support for me...

I celebrated my last day at home with Pizza Hut delivery, and watching Gridiron gang... which is a very good movie... I'll post more about it next time...

But till then, to all the BNSS angels who come by... do take care, and all the best. The future is bright for you lovely angels, but only if you choose to work hard enough, and believe in yourself. You are all special, you are all going to be somebody... but everybody had to work up from being nobody, before they eventually become somebody.

Praise God for this wonderfully enriching journey...

Dear Mandy,

Well, it's been some time since I last blogged, and well, a lot has happened of late, that I've been too caught up in my own things.. of course, having to rush about 130 thank you letters in the span of 5 days was no joke, but Praise God that He gave me the strength to complete all of the letters... and that now, I'm left with only 3... Well, I should be able to finish them tonight. :)

I'm actually waiting for time to pass by, for once the clock hits 1030hrs, it'll be time for me to change up, and leave the house for MOE HQ for my scholarship interview. Actually getting pretty nervous about it... my first time going for a scholarship interview... and I wonder what I need to know. But then again, I will leave it all in God's hands, and pray for the best. Ultimately, it's His will that needs to be done, and not mine... so I'll just be prayerful.

Ah... and tomorrow is going to be the last day in BNSS for quite some time, so well, I don't know what to make out of it. Yeah, I'm happy to leave because it'd be a new change of speed and flavour as a camp instructor, but I know I'm going to be awfully sad to leave the students. My mugger 4, my sotong family, my tortoise family, my lovely angels from 1D, my term 2 co-form 1H, my Charlie's Angels from 3E. I'd definitely miss all of them.

Hmm.. well, life's really full of unexpected changes... and I'm not surprised at that... I was discussing and well, I realised that the working world wasn't what it was. We're always taking things a day at a time, preparing ourselves for the unexpected challenges that loom ahead. And we're always either neck to neck, or we're only barely ahead... we can never be too far ahead for comfort, and it is definitely possible to find ourselves behind in this race when we least expect it. Ultimately, the bottom line is, there's little time to rest, and many a time, it gets very difficult to do things out of the ordinary because we're already struggling to keep pace. That's why, I've grown to see that to do extraordinary things, you have to be an ordinary person who's comfortable with his ordinary lifestyle. Either that, or you're just somebody who believes in things, and doesn't care what society says. It's difficult to be either, but I guess in due time, I will find out which category I belong to. For now, I definitely belong to the group that doesn't care what society thinks... because I'm still young, and naive. I think I can change the world... I just neglect to see that the world changes too.

Dear Mandy,

Well, I'm supposed to update my blog, and I guess I shall. This week has been a week of trying moments and desperate times. Many a time, I had to seek the Lord in prayer to calm my otherwise anxious and uneasy emotions.

Well, the end of the mid year exams officially came on Tuesday this week, so on Monday, I closed my remedial programme, albeit with a little bit of sadness, because I kinda felt that the programme had really benefitted some people... but of course, I wasn't quite myself on Monday, because well, pre warned about being too close to the students, and have to be careful with the things I do, and also being informed of a potential pay cut did nothing to alleviate the rising concerns of an otherwise hectic workload.

I honestly felt very very miffed, because for all the work that I've done, and for all the things that my students have told me, it just didn't feel right. But that being said, I guess the biggest unhappiness that arose was due to the pay cut I guess... a lot of us just didn't feel justified for all the work we had done, only to have our pay docked, and June released. I mean, seriously, it started me thinking, and the best part. On Tuesday, I went for a job interview.

The job interview was for this company known as Camp High Achievers, and I was interviewing for a job as a camp facilitator. Well, I intended to keep a low profile, but during the interview, the question popped was "Describe your past experiences." And that was it. I let loose my whole testimonial. Immediately, everybody was stunned... even the interviewer (by the way, it was a 6 person interview at one shot kinda thing), and the guy after me was momentarily stunned. The interviewer then passed me back my form, and told me "Under your experiences column, could you write some of what you just said down?" I had to withhold my laughter as I agreed. Because, seriously, I just didn't want to say anything, but I had to show my credentials... so I just blabbed half of my achievements out. I withheld information about EDU, and my prefectorial board, and NCC, because I sincerely felt that too much wouldn't do me any good. Especially so that I have not been touching belaying and stuff like that for too long.

I left with a verbal assurance that I got into the company, and immediately set about thinking whether I should return to BNSS in Term 3. And well, the answer seemed quite clear cut... and the answer was I shouldn't come back on a permanent basis... And somehow, I felt that God was telling me that I had done what I could, and touched the students and some of the members of staff there. The main fact that they know that I'm Christian, and that I have done a great work in the school, and that during my study group occasionally I do prayer and I have prayed for the school with Chuen Heng before, I think that the time has come for me to move on to another place. And I felt at peace with God when I prayed about this that tuesday night. I was resolved to leave.

Wednesday and Thursday kinda passed by in a blur, but on Thursday, Val and I left school early, on the pretext that Val wasn't feeling well (she really wasn't feeling well; she had cramps.) And we ended up meeting June for lunch at Parkway. Hahaha... it was a really good feeling, being rebellious for one of the first times in my life. Hahahaha... But I kinda realised that rebellious is one thing, and now, I kinda understand the euphoria that comes with it, especially when you are bitter with the school administration... the euphoria is even greater! But that being said, we know that we have to be careful as well.

On Saturday, I went out with the VJC Mugger Group to Heeren Vi'lage. It was a good outing... especially when u see people that you haven't seen for such a long time. Marcus, Yew Luck, Chi Hao, Tze Hin, Jason, Nat, Ling Sze, Sanjay, Sanjiv and Venle... especially with Sanjay and Venle, whom I talked the most to... it really was a good catching up session. Shared my thoughts with Sanjay, cause we were both getting bored of hearing all the banking talk and everything. The more important thing that we shared was, that no matter how old we are, we will never be able to be truly prepared for what challenges life throws at us. We can only stay slightly above the water... and that really is something very true.

On Sunday, I went for SOL 1, and we learnt about the roles of a husband, wife and child in a family. Hahaha... yes yes.. husbands love your wives, wives submit to your husbands, children obey your parents. The main gist of everything. BUt truth be told, whatever was shared really touched me. I mean, how about this quote: "Children want to be inspired". And I was like "YEAH!!" hahaha...

During service, Dr. Jackie Pullinger came to talk about ministry to the poor. It was more of a sharing session than anything else... but towards the end, Dr. Jackie's words really hit home... Especially the part when she said "God has a different race for each of us to run" and when she said "I'm sorry that in this Singaporean society, you are judged by academic qualifications. But let me tell you, as long as you do God's work and run the good race He was planned for you, you are No 1 in God's eyes". I cried. I was just feeling so burdened by everything that had happened this week, that the moment she said that, I felt so convicted... I broke down. Very very badly, I may add. It was just quite frustrating, the expectations of the working world, being judged by doing things that were right, the office politics, the situations some of my students were in, and others besides. And I prayed to God, and I was very very solemn after that, that everybody could tell that I was really upset about things. Michelle and Cheryl both saw me, and they noticed it immediately, that I looked very down, and Michelle sent me an sms after tribe meeting. Thanks Mich, Thanks Cheryl!

Tribe meeting was another impactful word from God. Ps Bel talked about patience and impatience, and what struck me was this verse from Galtatians 6:9

Galatians 6:9
"Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

And well, it really spoke to me. Especially when Ps Bel talked about love in motion, I was struck once again by God. A few days ago, I was reading "Chicken Soup for the Teachers' Soul", and in this chapter "Beyond the classroom", there was this story on "Excellence is Love in Action.", speaking of how this teacher, who believed strongly in the implementation of love in all that she did, eventually changed the school's policy of discipline by caning, to using love to change a person. These are the kind of things that we don't see in Singapore classrooms, God seemed to tell me, and well, it fuelled me with the determination to go on caring for my students. I won't let the stereotype of an elitist education system change my perspectives and my outlook on the way I teach.

I shared some of the above things with Rainie, and was greatly comforted when she said "Well, the only thing I can do, is to pray for you." And I know, that God sent a wonderful best friend to intercede for this soul with a weary heart, desperate for God's touch. And amazingly... God, being the faithful Lord that He is, answered me in not just one way, but in 3 special amazing ways...through Dr. Jackie... through Ps Bel... and through Rainie.

Thank you Lord... for loving me.

Dear Mandy,

It's amazing how a person can change. And it is also amazing why a person changes. I mean, for some time, I quite liked the way that I was... That hyperactive, enthusiastic, passionate person who had not much qualms doing things and being there for people. That is the me that I have grown to become, and that is the me that people have grown to associate that kind of character with.

And then, life takes a huge twist when Rainie came into my life. The person that I'm learning how to be her best friend, Rainie. How things came to be is a tad funny, and definitely not like the normal route for people to become best friends. But I'm thankful that God blessed me with such a friend. I don't think that it's a hidden fact that I tend to care a lot for my friends, but when it comes to personal problems, I hide them mostly, and won't say them out to people who I'm not comfortable with. And people do get worried for me.

But when I'm around Rainie, somehow, it feels like everything's going to be alright. Like she's a safety net that won't break, no matter how high I fall down from. And I sit back, and I wonder, and I suddenly realise that it's been a long time since anybody had ever made me feel this way. Definitely, I know that I'm in safe hands, because there is God who constantly watches over me, and is my guiding light and strength. But there are times, when I just wish that there was a friend who would tell me what to do, or someone I could share things with, or someone I could just sit down and talk for endless hours to.

Praise God that He crossed mine and Rainie's paths. Because we both agreed that we want our friendship to be one that exudes God's glory, and one that is God-centered. Though both of us are new to being best friends, but we believe firmly that as long as we turn out hearts to God, He will bless our friendship and let it grow where it may. I remembered when our cell was covering "Boy meets girl", and Joel was talking about how a relationship should be God-centered, because when a couple has a disagreement, the relationship won't fall apart as it is cemented and held in place by their love and faith in God. And when Rainie and I started out, I thought "Hey, why can't a friendship also be God-centered?" So I discussed it with Rainie, and she agreed as well. In doing so, we both set down some rules for our friendship.

These rules are subject to change, but one of our most important rules is to love God. If not for God, then our friendship would not even have happened. So, this is a full hearted effort in making a friendship work... I know that as long as we both place our faith and trust in God, God will see us through. That being said, I also know full heartedly the meaning when we pray to God "Your will be done".

So, Rainie told me that I shouldn't talk to females that often... and well, after a discussion, I promised I'd make a conscious effort not to do that. I think that it's also about time to do that, given that not only Rainie, but also Jacob and a lot of other people have told me about it before. So I will give it my best shot.

Well, as the mid year exams are already half way through, I can only say that it's half the battle down, hang on till the end!

Dear Mandy,

I know, my song changed to a very long classical or instrumental intro, right? But hang in there... because the song starts at about 1min 30 seconds. The title is called Un Giorno Per Noi, and is the theme for Romeo and Juliet. Goodness, I just love the intensity of this song, Josh Groban carries on the tune very very well, and he always makes it seem so effortless.

Try listening to the song in an enclosed room, where there's minimal noise, and imagine yourself to be in a theatre watching the play. If I'm not wrong, this was played at the death scene, when Romeo drank the poison, and Juliet killed herself. And then, try to picture the raw emotions, the power of the scene, and most importantly, the sadness, and the love... yes. The love.

I remember very vividly how the story begins. The narrator will say:

"Two households

Both alike in dignity

In fair Verona where we lay our scene

Where ancient grudge break to new mutiny

Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes

A pair of star cross'd lovers take their lives"

Especially so, the last line, which sigifies the death of Romeo and Juliet. Truth be told, this has to go down as my utmost favourite Shakespeare play. Well, to get the main gist, just watc Baz Luhrmann's version. You get the rough idea, and you too get the raw emotions. Sure, it's a modern day adaptation, but hey! It's still a literary masterpiece. :P