Dear Mandy,

Well, it's been the end of another week, and one whereby lots of God's miracles have been taking place in my life, and that there's still a lot of unfinished things to do, and to handle as we go along. Life is always full of challenges, and after cell today, I kind of cleared quite a few queries and confusions that I have had this time.

Well, what are some of the miracles that God has done for me this week? Let me count.. haha... firstly, it's the fact that the initiative that June and I have taken up, which that toot, Chuen Heng has called the "ITR Mugger Camp" has really started to take off. Sure, it began with QiRui and Zhen Hao looking for June for SS remedial the day before their exam, and I was there trying to settle the chemistry notes for them as well. Then they had to go for lunch, and June brought 1C in for remedial. I on the other hand, had literally nothing much to do. but I somehow felt God calling me to develop on this programme.

The essence of this programme is very simple. To open up an air-conditioned room for students who want to study in school, and to have teachers (June, Val and me) there to aid them in our proficient subjects. That would be Geog and SS for June, History, SS and Maths for Val, and Science and Maths for me. English... well, we all could help, but Chinese, POA, Art, D and T and Food and Nutrition... can look elsewhere. Hahaha.. Of course, the only other entry into this room for study has to be people who are keen to do work, or have been pulled in by June, Val or me. At the moment, I have my own set of students to take care of... There's Carissa, Chuen Heng, Corina, YuXiao and XueNi. June has her hands full with Zhen Hao and QiRui. Val has Fionna under her wing.

God has really blessed us abundantly when we saw this programme take flight on Thursday, and more so for Friday. Thursday was the first day that YuXiao, Chuen Heng came into this programme, together with Carissa and Phyllis. XueNi was there with Ken for maths as well. And well, it wasn't the reaction I had initially hoped for, but I thanked God for these people who came in, as a testament to the fact that this programme is going to be one that will happen. So imagine how glad I was on Friday when QiRui and Zhen Hao came in, YuXiao, Corina and Chuen Heng came in, Carissa came in, Kimberley came in, as well as Yi Wei, Fuhairah and Shereen, albeit for a little while. XueNi came in a little later as well, but as of what I know, it is a start. I have now changed my perspective on things, after a little talk with Haida, and well, I'll just make a difference to as many people as I can. I may not be able to touch all of them, but I can touch a few, and hopefully through them, they can touch others.

The next miracle came from God when He allowed me to do a great work for Carissa. I can't say what happened to her, and neither am I comfortable with saying what I did for her, but let's just say that God, through her, showed me that my thinking is correct. I don't really say it, but to me, every student that crosses my path is God's blessing to me. And the way I see it, the only way I can answer God's blessings is to bless God through the student.

Somehow, I still feel that there's a lot more for me to do, that I still can do in whatever time I have left in BNSS. God left me people who have dropped hints that they need someone to turn to, someone to help them, and I believe that God is showing me that my work is not yet done in BNSS. Sure, I'm starting to grow, but until I have fully bloomed, God will not uproot me until my job is complete. I have to prepare my students for God's rain to come to them, and the school.

That being said, a lot of people have also been telling me to be careful with my relations with the students... Don't give them the wrong message, and everything... prevent at all costs any scandals from happening... and I'm like, no, I don't want to have any scandals occurring... but that being said, I won't stop treating my students like young adults, in need of respect and a little care and concern. It's a very fine line... and one that I'm sure I'll cross at times, but I prayed to God that He would help me in guarding the hearts of my students, and to constantly check my heart to make sure that I know when it is enough.

That being said, I guess that I have to take a step back and lower my expectations of my 1H... I realised that one reason why I feel so out of place and everything, is because I keep expecting them to be of a certain standard, that they won't be able to reach at this point in time, or this year to be exact. So that being said... discipline is of the essence, yes, but for them to be fully disciplined isn't going to happen overnight... I have to put in place now, more of a day to day check than a long term goal. That is probably what I have to do. And I will do what I can.

It's going to be a new week... I'll be optimistic and prayerful. :)

Dear Mandy,

Well, there's so much that has happened of late, so much that I really am thankful to God that Mdm Haliza didn't give me any excess marking, and that I'd have Monday to get back the answer scripts and finish up all the excess marking. :D Of course, there's still the maths and everything, but hey, I think that I'm well rested and ready to take on the challenges that are up ahead...

1 Thessalonians 1:3 "We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ."
Today's service really spoke to me. Last week's service as well. Let me talk about them... Last week, we spoke of Faith. Everyone knows that on my hp, my profile is always "Faith, Hope, Love", and last week, PS Khong spoke about the Shield of faith, from Ephesians 6:10-18. In a nutshell, PS Khong spoke of 3 things:

1) Faith is moving in God's power

2) Faith is living in God's presence

3) Faith is pressing on to the end

Well, there're a few really good quotes and words that PS Khong said that I really have embedded them in my heart. Well, let me go into each point.

Faith is moving in God's power

Firstly, Faith is about seeing and moving in the power of God. In Ephesians 1:18-21, the Apostle Paul said:

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come."

This tells us that The power working inside of us is that which brought Jesus to life. An essential fact and truth is that Faith is seeing the power and stepping out, knowing and believeing that the power is there. The Bible says that as long as we have the faith of a mustard seed, we can move mountains in the mighty name of our Lord. Faith is on focusing on who God really is, and if we believe in Him, there is nothing impossible for us. Matthew 19:26 says:

'Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."'

Our Faith must be in God. However, Faith without work is dead... For Faith is the substance of things unseen, but it's not about our own limitations... it's all about God.

Faith is moving in God's presence

Ephesians 3:12 says that:

"In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."

There is only one thing more powerful than the power of God, and that is the presence of God. One of the devil's weapons happen to be tackling our self confidence and our self worth. And yet, Ephesians 3:14-21 says this:

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

God's purpose is to fill us with the presence of God, and the fullness of Him. And because of this mighty God that we serve, believe that we can be who we aspire to be.

Faith is pressing on to the end

Essentially, Unity is in the faith and knowledge of God. Ephesians 4:11-13 says:

"It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ."

Faith is not static, and God is at work... as such, we should always press on until the Victory is won.

In Conclusion

Faith can move mountains, we all know that. But what's important is that we turn our eyes to God, and trust that in Him, we will find our purpose, and to keep the faith, that He has a beautiful plan for all of us.

On Hope

Today's service spoke on the Helmet of Salvation. Now, coming from the army, we all hate the darn helmet. Yes, it protects our darn head, but it's also darn heavy. And yet, in God's choice selection of the Helmet, he placed one of 3 important values on it... I guess I can't be that prejudiced against my helmet anymore.

We have hope

Hope is omnipresent. In fact, in the famous story about Pandora's box, the only thing left in the box was hope. When all things seem to be at the worst end, there's always hope that will surface. In 1 Thessalonians 5:8, it says:

"But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet."

Ephesians 1:13-14 also says:

"And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory."

From these two verses, we can deduce that when we were saved, God exhanged His righteousness for our sins. In the exchange, God placed in our hearts, a coveted heaven: the Holy Spirit. In essence, putting on the helmet is to remind us that there is hope. Hopelessness can drive people into desperation and into self denial, and sometimes, to death. But we should all take hope in knowing that there is Hope in God, and where there is Hope, there is Life.

You have a destiny

I shall begin with a paradox. Some of us think that life is meaningless, and that sometimes, life holds no tomorrow that is worth looking forward to. Ephesians 2:10 says:

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

It tells us that we are God's work. I remember PS Eugene telling us before that we are God's work in progress, and God has an eternal destiny fashioned just for us. Each of our destinies are unique, because God has a different purpose for each of us. In passing each day of our lives, we are one step closer to the revelation that is discovering our destiny. In general, life is a measurement of our success, but note that it's not material of human success, as that is of little importance to God. What's important, is to be more like the Apostle Paul, to run the good race. What good race? To believe in God's destiny for us, and to run God's race. There is always hope, even at the darkest moment. A very strong quote that PS Khong told us was "It is when it is the darkest that light shines forth." I believe in that... I really do.

You are an overcomer

Now, here's a huge truth: We are God's workmanship. Ephesians 3:20 says:

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"

This tells us that His power is within us. We can, because God wants us to be. And yet, the greatest enemy of Faith are memories of our past... Our past, though important, holds painful facets of our history. Though it is important to reminisce, I believe that we shouldn't let our past sins and pain affect us. We, as Jasmine told me, learn through each challenge, and we get better learning from hurt and pain. Once that is done, we have to live and believe that we can succeed. Failure is that we have learnt, that we are not perfect,and more importantly, we just have not succeeded yet.

That abou sums up the services for both days.

Truth be told, these days, I guess that I need to inculcate in myself, and a few students that there is always hope. Carissa's one of them, and I know that I'll have to really go beyond the call of duty to help her get over her loss, and to recover from her pain. It's not going to be easy, but I pray for God's grace and healing to fall on her. Loss is never easy to deal with, or talk about... I'll try what I can.

Well, a new week, and a new hope ahead. God has prompted me to make a proposal.. I'll do what I can, and sincerely hope that God is with me, and that the proposal will follow through with the blessings of the administration.

Dear Mandy,

I came back from National Schools' Cross Country Championships yesterday, and yesterday was also the VS forum regarding the merger situation. Well, let's go into things one at a time alright?

Now, I left school at 2pm, and met up with Meng Siong at VS at about 2.20pm. Imagine my surprise when I saw Adeline and some BNSS NPCC Cadets on a bus headed for some academy! Hahaha... seeing Adeline just made me smile, because I realised that seriously, BNSS is the place that God has called me to. I have yet to fully bloom yet, so God has yet to call me and send me to another place to do His bidding. And yet, I'm content where I am... :)

Anyway, I quickly changed, had a quick lunch, and in my coveted red shirt, Meng Siong and I went on down to Turf City. We refused to go upstairs when we reached, but instead walked around, taking pictures of the banner-filled turf city of VS and VJC banners, and honestly we felt like we were back to our Sec Sch and JC days... of match support, of sweat-drenched passion, of hoarse throats, of incessant clapping... of our pride to be Victorian. Of the two colours red and black, of one school, one voice, one spirit. Meng and I went to see the C Boys flag off, and then off we went to the end point..

One moment that really touched me was the B Boys finals. This VS Runner, Thomas, was VS' 3rd runner to come in. And just 10m from the finish point, his knees gave way, and he fell onto the track. Mr. Low, the VS Principal, myself and Meng Siong, and the XCountry guys kept cheering and shouting to him... "Come on Thomas!", "Pick yourself up, Thomas!" and "Thomas, you're almost there!" were heard resounding from the 10 of us gathered there... And then, slowly, but surely, Thomas picked himself up. From flat out, he pushed himself into a squatting position, and slowly, but surely, stood up, and started to begin a slow, but unsteady jog towards the finish line. THroughout his tenure, the cheers never stopped coming. But before the finish line, Thomas once again collapsed. And our hearts ached as we saw Thomas crawling across the finish line with all the energy he had left before he collapsed. Mr. Low dashed to the medic tent to talk to him, and it was only later at the forum that we realised that Thomas was immediately iced down, to prevent heat exhaustion. And he was delirious. But when he saw Mr. Low, he asked "Sir... did we win?". Mr Low said that winning wasn't everything, and that he had tried his best. But Thomas was near tears when he said "Sir... I'm sorry that we didn't win because of me."

When I knew that... immediately Meng Siong and I remembered the days of Fabian Tan. When Fabian collapsed due to somebody elbowing him in his ribcage, Fabian couldn't breathe. He collapsed when he saw that the end was in sight, and he had to be stretchered off the road. And me, being a young, naive Sec 2 prefect, ran to find this senior who had earned our respect through his soft spoken and hardworking ways. And I saw him, I was stunned. He was down and out, delirious, slurring, but I cried. Because he kept telling Mr. Ho "Sir, let me go back to finish the race. Sir, a few more steps that's all sir." And despite his weakened nature, Fabian struggled against the medics in an attempt to go complete the race. Mine were not the only wet eyes there...

This... when Mr. Low talked about it during the forum, and he said that the Victorian Spirit is about this. Never giving up. A Victorian is ultimately a gentleman, a professional and a sportsman... this much I won't ever forget. Mr. Low said... Winning is not the most important thing... it's the winning mentality that we all need, and I realised that I could use these words on 1H.. to motivate them to be more than they can be.

THe overall results for National Schools' Cross Country Championships 2007 for Victoria are as follows:
C Boys : 4th
B Boys: 3rd
A Girls: 1st
A Boys: 3rd

I guess it was a pretty good haul in the end. And well, the climax came when we all gathered together with the flags in the middle and launched into the Victorian Anthem. And then, the standard VS Cheer... Meng and I were honestly back in the heart of it all... and this sort of camaraderie was exactly what we missed.

The forum went slowly, intitally, and I received a couple of smses that left me not knowing whether to be annoyed, upset or disappointed. I excused myself from the forum, and went outside to talk to Yvonne... about the problems I were facing in school, and in particular, 1D. Well, in the end, I knew what I had to do, and went back inside the auditorium, to hear the debate about the Victorian Spirit start. This was what I wanted to hear. This was why the 150 of us were gathered here... and all the views that came forth were heartening, and truly truly speaking of the volumes of passion the old boys had.

We ended off the forum with a rousing Victorian anthem and one heck of a spelling cheer before we dispersed... I talked to Mr. Low, and I realised the constraints that he was facing as Principal of VS, and I kinda understand his point of view... Mr. Maran too, gave us some insight... and I honestly didn't feel any hesitation when I called Mr. Maran sir. I realised I still respect him an awful lot, and he played a big part in moulding me to become who I am today.

Truly, Victoria, thy sons are we. Truly, Victoria is something more. And we all know that truly, we want to keep her flag unfurled.

Nil Sine Labore.

Dear Mandy,

This song is playing on my website now...

SAY GOODBYE - S CLUB

"In the years to come

Will you think about these moments that we shared?

In the years to come

Are you gonna think it over?

And how we lived each day with no regret

Nothing lasts forever though you want it to;

The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye

'though it hurts in your heart

is the only way for destiny'

sometimes goodbye

though it hurts is the only way now

for you and me

Though it’s the hardest thing to say

I’ll miss your love in every way

So say goodbye

Oh don’t you cry

‘cause true love never dies

In a year from now

Maybe there’ll be things

We’ll wish we’d never said

In a year from now

Maybe we’ll see each other,

standing on the same street corner,

with no regrets

Each and every end is always written in the stars

If only I could stop the world

I’d make this last

Sometimes goodbye

‘though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny

‘sometimes goodbye

though it hurts is the only way now for you and me

Though it’s the hardest thing to say

I’ll miss your love in every way

So say goodbye

but don’t you cry ‘cause true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into

I’ll come for you

Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye
‘though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
‘sometimes goodbye
though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
but don’t you cry ‘cause true love never dies"

I love this song... I really do.. the last song before S Club officially disbanded is a song that speaks of raw emotions and friendship. Of love and loss... and of a past and a future. Why do I say that, because it's awfully true...

It's kinda funny, isn't it? Somehow, someday, we'll all say goodbye to each other... And the sad thing is, sometimes, goodbye comes prematurely for some people because of certain misunderstandings and a fear of confronting what may be the inevitable... Haha... I've been in this situation many times before, and well, I just can't help but feel a very strong sadness whenever things like these happen. It happened between me and Jessie before... and it took us a good 3 to 4 years before we cleared up that misunderstanding and became close friends... a few years is awfully long... definitely... But I guess that God does these kind of things for a reason... it may be a very harsh lesson, but the optimistic side is that it's still, nevertheless, a lesson.

So, this song goes out to everyone of you... that even though we may be saying goodbye to each other in the distant future, like the song says, "And when you need my arms to run into, I’ll come for you, Nothing will ever change the way I feel" This much I can promise... because I'm going to still be here for you if ever you need someone... But it goes both ways... I may be willing to give... but are you willing to receive...?

Dear Mandy,

Well, it's the end of a school week, and it has been a rather eventful, if not, also quite a revelation. How shall I begin? Let me count the ways...

1H... it's an awfully tiring thing to be taking 1H, I have to admit... I don't know how else I can reach out to them to behave better and be more disciplined without scolding or raising my voice at them. On Thursday, I thought I'd reached out to them, you know? I played a little sarcasm in my words before I actually had a heart to heart talk with them... I challenged them to listen when the teacher is talking, and to raise their hands when they want to talk, and I even wrote it on the board. I had every hope that, given that it was a challenge that would last for a good 1.5 days, it may just work and pay off... today, I went in, and horrors of horrors, saw not much change in the class. I was setting up the computer, and they changed places. I tried to talk to the class, and met a wall of noise and people who were playing and not listening. So I patiently waited, hoping that some of them would take notice. After a good 5 minutes or so, I told the class to return to their original sitting arrangements. It took a while, but they did... not before one of them threw a book across class. My temper was already at it's peak then, and I told the kid to get out of my class. Of course, this kid, being the most attitude problem one, sauntered out. I started to give the class a piece of my mind, and subsequently sent another guy out of the class as well. I don't know... I really don't... but I kind of felt that my patience with 1H had reached its peak.. I had always wondered why Mr. Pang, such a patient teacher would lose his temper at 1H... I guess I finally found out today, when my own temper reached its peak. I sent the two kids to the OM, but was found that they were more strolling all over the place than anything else. Mrs. Chan caught them, and subsequently sent them to the OM straight.

I don't know if what I did was right, or if what I did was becoming of a teacher, but I honestly have no idea how I'm going to proceed... maybe I've been too harsh, or maybe I'm approaching them in the wrong way.. but I've been praying a lot... or is it because I've been expecting too much out of them...? I really don't know...

About 1D... I went to encourage them for their NAPFA test, one of the promises that I made when I was still their teacher... and well, it was good... I stuck with the boys, cause Farid kept complaining to me about his inclined chin ups, so I wanted to motivate them as much as I could. It was encouraging, to see the boys try... and during shuttle run, I gave all of them verbal support and encouragement as much as I could. But I was happy... because Xiao Yuan finally spoke to me after a good 3 weeks or so... though it was just a simple "Thank you teacher" for passing her back the shuttle run block, but I just felt happy. And yet, I'm still unable to break through the barriers... It's kinda amazing huh? How a simple thank you can make my day... And since she's not talking to me, I can only say here Thank you Xiao Yuan, my thursday was brighter because of your thanks.

That being said, I also have to apologise to Carissa for not having encouraged her during her NAPFA test. I'm honestly starting to see my limitations as a teacher and as a friend... and it's a huge challenge to be both, but I'm turning to God for strength and direction. Looking at things, I've only got 3 more months or so before I leave the school. Perhaps it's a good thing. Today, June and I were talking about leaving the school in the coming week... because both of us were getting rather disillusioned with what has been going on. I'm staying on because of the students, but given the situation and the way things have been progressing... I sometimes think that if I left the school earlier, it'd save a lot of trouble and unneeded stress. I don't know... shall see how it goes...

Well, then there's of course, ShuXin.. haha.. that girl arhz... today won her badminton game and lost one... actually, quite glad I have ShuXin around... She's really been quite an influential factor in everything... And Gaynie of course... my two staunch pillar of supports... :) Thank you both...

Dear Mandy,

I write to you a long overdue entry, that I've been putting off a long time now...

Well, it's no secret now that 3rd April 2007 saw me turning one year older... I'm now officially 21. It feels kinda surreal... I've finally met that mark, but as it is to me, and my close friends all know, I don't celebrate my birthday- period. To me, it's a personal milestone to have come so far, but I believe that I don't need my birthday to see how I'm appreciated, and that everyday can be my birthday, so long as I'm myself, and as long as I have God and in all I do, I praise Him. But this year, God chose to show me a few things.

The first thing He showed me, was that I have a group of friends who genuinely care about me. The day before my birthday, at about 2200 hours, I received a call from Sanjay. It was quite funny, because he was asking me how he could tell this girl, Claire that he likes her. I thought he really liked Claire, and actually tried to give him advice... then he asked me if I'm home, and when I said I was, he asked me to go to my doorstep. So, surprise of surprises when I opened my door to see Joel, Edrei and Sanjay, holding a cheesecake and singing "Happy Birthday"!! I was so touched, seriously speaking.

Well, we spent a good hour or so at my void deck, chatting about things that had happened, and well, generally just catching up with each other. Man, it isn't often that people actually take the effort to come down to your house and meet you, just to celebrate your birthday. Honestly just felt really really thankful to God for having given me such wonderful friends.

It didn't end there, actually. The next day, 3rd April 2007, the actual day itself, I received so many smses... the first person to sms me? Gaynie dear! Haha... and of course, having wished each other happy birthday for so long already, how can I forget my angel and awfully close friend, Abby, who took the time and effort to sms me and have a conversation with me? We hadn't been having one for the longest time, and I really miss my angel... but she took time, despite having her exams to study for, to sms me... so touched. Then, there is ShuXin, who's somebody that I've been in constant contact with for quite some time now. She smsed me and said "Hey, did I say you're probably the best brother one can ever have? Thanks for everything you've done and HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL!" I was seriously touched, because all I've done for ShuXin, or XiaoXin, was just to listen to her, and give her advice and support her when she's down. I wonder what I did...

I went to school, and well, it was just like any other day... But June was the first of my colleagues to wish me happy birthday... and then, imagine how surprised and touched I was when Valerie, Cherin, June and Ken gave me this huge box with lots of essential stationery for teachers inside! And of course, an awfully nice card that even Haida and Mrs. Chan wrote in. Man, I was so touched. More touched so, when YiXin came to call me birthday boy. Hahhaa... so cute. Then, there was Hang Chi as well... but I managed to keep my birthday a relative secret from my students... apart from Am. Am sent me a birthday card on the 2nd, neglected to mention it, and I have to say thank you to Ant, who was the one to tell me about the misunderstanding. I wrote a long e-mail to Am, and tried to patch up with Xiao Yuan, but to no avail, definitely... It kinda hurt, but I'm not giving up...

I went home then, and was happy enough to have had such an eventful birthday... until at about 9pm, I got a call from Jacob, and he was downstairs waiting for me. So being me, I hopped down to meet Jacob and we sat in his car to chat for a long long long time... About an hour or so also... and Jacob, being one of my closest friends about, we talked about a lot of different things... and even things that were close to our hearts... Jacob left for home soon, and when I reached home, I opened his present, and was very shocked to see a black, leather, Braun Buffel wallet... It's expensive! Goodness... I was like "God... what a friend you have given me!"

I fell sick with a temperature of 38.1 degrees celsius the next day, but still held on for the whole day... surviving on 2 Panadol which carried me mostly through the rest of the day in school, but the effect wore out pretty soon by the time I reached the clinic... So I was given a 1 day MC, and spent literally the next 24 hours out cold, recuperating from the fever. I was quite touched when I received smses from Alicia, Wendy and Isaac hoping I'd get better.

FRIDAY! GOOD FRIDAY! Hahaha.. I went for the JUNE Cluster's Good Friday event, and after a very interesting game of Isaac's "Hot Cross Buns", and an awesome time of worship, we found out that we would be doing Street Evangelism. Man, I've never been one to walk up to people and talk to them outta the blue like that and feel all comfortable about it... so imagine my apprehension and everything. But God has His ways of working His miracles in people, when He gave each of us a personal testimony, and His grace when we all had our own transformations and mini miracles happening. We also were once again brought to the Cross, and the cruxifixtion of Jesus Christ... it was a very powerful moment when we all went into prayer during worship, and also during the closing prayer.

Saturday saw me going to Kenneth's birthday party, and well, I met up with Liyong! Hahaha. Kenneth turned 21, and well, that made the four of us BMT Buddies officially 21. It was kinda funny? Wei Cheng and I were discussing about the four of us as Ninja Turtles. Shane, being the oldest and most rational, was Leonardo. Kenneth was Donatello, because he's the smartest. Wei Cheng was Raphael, because he's the one who's the most daring, and though sociable, but still the most garang of us all... and I got Michaelangelo... because I'm the joker and the most friendly. Quite interesting, ain't it? Then I drove Liyong home, and along the way, it felt just like old times... we caught up with each other, and life in general... and I just totally enjoyed catching up with one of my oldest friends from my VS era...

Sunday... ah... Sunday. Service made me cry. They did the placards thingy, whereby one side is a problem they faced, and the other side is the miracle that God made happen... and the song they played to? Chris Tomlin's "How Great is our God", a powerful song. Easter service was one of healing, and one of miracles happening... a wheelchair bound woman attempted to stand and walk... I was so awed by that happening! Praise God for all the miracles that He makes happen! Isaac's friend chose to give his life to Jesus, and I was happy at a life saved.. I was so happy during worship? It was like there was this huge joy that was waiting to escape from me... and for the first time, in a long long time, I was happy to cry during the worship. THey played "GLory to God", "Worthy is the Lamb" and "How Great is our God"... and I just cried.

After service, there was a VERY LONG lull, as we waited, because Joel had something he wanted to talk to us about, and well, the cat kinda leaked out of the bag when I found out that it was a birthday celebration for me... but I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the amount of people there when I reached Coffee Bean with Joel, Audrey and gang... Gosh!

I was so so so so surprised and touched, I almost teared. And then, when they gave me my gift, I was really really touched... no words can adequately explain my emotions then, as I received 8 teddy bears from the Tribe... the Tribe prayed for me then, and I really want to be what they say... to be fearful of the Lord, and to be a warrior of Light for Jesus, to shine God's radiance into the darkest corners and to continue to be a blessing to people, and to touch them with my actions and my own special ways. After that, Wei Lin and Shauna also prayed for me... I received so many blessings and so many prayers, and so many appreciative words, I kinda lost count of how many I received... but I do know this... that God showed me that my actions are all appreciated, even if they're not said out loud, but I am loved by my Tribe, and that my actions have in some way or other touched people.

But I told myself and God, that this isn't enough. I know I can do more, much much more, and I want to continue being a blessing to others. I want to continue to exude God's glory, and to do things that would glorify Him, and bless others. But I thank God for such a wonderful family... JB Tribe... and even more so, for the bonds I've forged and do cherish.

Isaac, Alicia, Victor Ong and Eileen all headed for the Airport for dinner at Sakae Sushi... Alicia had made a reservation, and well, it was a really fun place to be. Victor Sim, Sanjee and Felicia joined us later, and so did Felicia's friend, Matthew... Matthew didn't really contribute much to the atmosphere, but well, I had a great time nonetheless... We left Sakae at about 8.30pm, and took a bus home.

Here are my teddy bears!

I had a wonderful week... and well, I was filled with God's love for me... But I know that I too have to remember... that when times are good, we praise God, but what's more important is that when times are not so good, we still praise God...

Glory to God!

Dear Mandy,

Galatians 6: 9- 10
Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.
So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.

Today's service spoke straight to me... it spoke about reaping what you sow. And the three things that Rev Melvyn said really struck me.
1) You reap what you sow - don't be deceived
2) You reap after you sow - don't be discouraged
3) We reap more than we sow - don't be calculative

And I was struck, really really hard by God. Because all this time, I had been praying and praying for God to tell me what I was lacking emotionally... and then, this service... it seemed almost ethereal. It was as if, God was answering my prayers... I was amazed, and listened very intently to the first and second pointers. Along the third pointer, my thoughts started to wander as I reflected a fair bit about what I needed, and what the void I was having was all about. I thought so much, I subconsciously seemed asleep... It struck me that this had been really bothering me for some time now. And when Rev Melvyn said that those who had been feeling discouraged in work, the altar is open for ministry, it took me sometime, but God urged me to go forward, and so I did.

I knelt before the altar, and prayed hard for lots of things. For the students at BNSS that they may be motivated and encouraged to study hard, for my Sec 1D and 1H that they may both be receptive to their lessons, and more importantly, that I may be able to find out why my favourite angels from 1D have become so cold and distant to me, and that I may stop being lazy and procrastinating, and be able to do things and break barriers so that I may better benefit my students. It was then that a brother in Christ kneeled down to pray for me. THe first words he told me were "Lift your disappointments, Lift your discouragement, lift your fears to God." And immediately, I got another sucker punch to the face. God was answering my heart's queries, and immediately, I knew what was the void I was missing. It was my 1D angels. God seemed to be telling me that I had been neglecting them, and well, in some weird sense, that they, upon my negligence, have also started to neglect me. God also told me that why I feel so empty, is because I want to do so much more to help the students of Bedok North Sec... those that have been labelled as CMI... but I can't due to so many restrictions, both above and under the water...

I really felt convicted at the altar... and even when I walked away, and prepared for the Tribe Prayer meeting, I just knew God was going to tell me more... and He did. He first showed me faith when Ps Jimmy asked me to lead the Tribe in ice breakers. So I introduced them to "husband and wife whacko", and the Tribe had fun. Then, the prayer session began. How powerful it felt! I myself found myself praying like as though I had been preparing for the last 3 days or something. Words just flowed, emotions just rained, and thoughts were flying by speedily, with myself now, having little recollection of what went through my mind, except that I remembered what I was saying... it was an awesome experience... First, we prayed for ourselves, and it was then that God told me what I was missing. I needed to break free, and I needed to trust in God for all that I do. Starting from tomorrow, I told God that I want to fast from 7am to 7pm. 12 hours. And I know that this period of fasting and prayer, I will find more truth and an answer to seal that void. Because God is listening, and He is a faithful God. I just have to be as faithful as I can be in return.

We prayed for ourselves, we prayed for those having exams, we prayed for our fasting periods, we prayed for the friends that we would be bringing for Easter Service... and we prayed for each other. That was really an impactful moment. I honestly enjoyed every moment of that prayer session... I felt God's presence in our midst, and when Ps Bel told us that prayer is our time of sowing, it further enhanced the importance of prayer. Praise God for His revelations in our lives!

We had cluster meetings for TGIF, and I took a chance to talk to Pris. She looked awfully tired... I guess uni life takes its toll on everyone. Rachel, Sammie, Pris, Vanessa, Victor and a lot of other people all look like they hadn't slept in days! Well, my turn will come soon, and truth be told, I'm actually looking forward to it. It means one step closer to being a teacher... I can't wait! Hahaha...

Ok, back to the topic. We had a prayer for TGIF, for the success of TGIF, and I know that God will be there... I believe He will answer our prayers.

I also found out Suzanne has the same birthday as me. How coincidental is that! Haha... so, tmr is a new week, a new month, and I believe for me, new resolve. I will do my best.

Emmanuel, God with us. Praise God for His grace and love!