Dear Mandy,

I didn't get the Teaching Scholarship, didn't even make the shortlist, but I'm ok. :) Honest... a little disappointed, but I know I'll be ok. Because God has a greater plan and use for me, and also because it's not the scholarship that defines me as a teacher. It's who I am, what I do and the impact I make that defines me as a teacher. So I may not be able to rise through the ranks of the Education Ministry as fast as a scholar would. So I may not be able to get the pay rise and the courses that a scholar would. It doesn't make me any different, neither does it change my outlook on teaching.

I think that ultimately, when I look at things from a different perspective, I see hope, and an ending that can only be carved out by faith and lots of hard work. I'm beginning to see more and more, the wonderful work of God in my life, the more I turn to Him, and the more that I give to Him, I can just feel that things are going to work out for the best. It's an amazing fact, and a really strong truth... I just can't put into words what I feel? But I can only say that it's nothing short of miraculous.

I had a relatively fun day today. It's really teaching that makes me happy. Doing answers for the Chemistry Mock Test for 4D and 4E just made me feel really fun. Explaining the answers to the students, answering their questions, interacting with the class... it just epitomised my passion for teaching. I think God showed me today that a good teacher isn't necessarily a scholar. A good teacher just is one. I'm not there yet... I can't even put myself in the same legion as an average teacher, but I want to be one. I aspire to be the best relief teacher that I can be, or even, in Bedok North Sec. As much as possible, I want to be seen as a hardworking individual, with a passion for teaching, and a caring yet disciplined teacher. I believe with God's grace, I can be all those, and much more. I don't know if it's really a high ambition or what not, but I'm beginning to love going to school more than I've ever felt... If not for the students, then for the job.

I take back whatever I said about growing distant from 1D... Because God has given me a new revelation. It doesn't mean that a friendship stops when I leave; it doesn't mean that my lovely angels will forget me when I leave. It does mean we don't communicate that often with each other, it does mean that I can't be there for them when they need a teacher. I guess what's important is that I leave them with an open door... that they can turn to me when they need to talk to someone, that ultimately... I'm a friend to them.

Kinda feel like my blog has become quite difficult for me to post certain things. Haha... but it's ok. Somethings were not meant to be public anyway... haha... in any case, I'd like to say a big THANK YOU to Gayne, Felicia jie, Kenneth, Shane, ShuXin and Xiao Yuan... haha... Gayne because of her ever comforting presence, Felicia jie for her prayers, Kenneth for letting me rant, Shane for his advice, ShuXin for her perspective, and Xiao Yuan for her encouragement to me last time. Haha... it has been quite a struggle to come to terms with myself and teaching, but I guess all I wanted was for a chance to not babysit and give them work to do, but to actually, teach a subject that I like. And I got that today...of course, I'd also have to thank everyone else who had been praying for me, and being concerned for me. I appreciate it loads!

On to more personal things... I'm turning 21 in a while.. Gosh, feels like I've come a long way... I can't believe that it's soon... *Sighs*. But I think I've been relatively contented with the last 21 years of my life. I was born into a good family, went to a good Pri Sch, was part of a Victorian Family for 6 years (one of the best times of my life), then I went to the Army for 2 years, and now, here I am... It's been a long journey to get to where I am thus far, but I know that the road ahead is also going to be tiring... I'll hold on tight. Because I know that God's with me for this ride, as well as my closest friends about. :) I have them, and I believe I can make it through.

Thank you all... :)

Dear Mandy,

I think that I've lost it... today, I showed my utter disappointment and felt like total crap. I felt useless today... and it's awfully sad! I mean, I think that I really need to get a hold of myself, and be a more disciplined and strict teacher, just so that I can have more order in class, but truth being, in doing so, am I compromising on freedom in class? I mean, I really really want a class that's chatty and lively in class, but also attentive to the lesson... like how Sany's classes were... fun, interactive, yet disciplined. I think I set my standards to be like Sany or Mr. Ong. I just really want to succeed as a teacher... but I just felt so small and so useless today, that it became rather pointless to a certain extent to have to teach... and yet I tried to...

Is it always going to be like that? That my students may be those who really don't bother about lessons, whose sole purpose for coming to school is to mingle with the friends they've got? I need to find inspiration and a way to motivate them... I really do. I don't want to spend every single day just routinely going about, doing day to day work with no idea whatsoever in my mind on what's going to happen, and what may happen. And the most pressing question on my mind would be, did the student leave understanding something? I've been trying to find my encouragement from "Chicken Soup for the Teachers' Soul" and have found a couple of really good stories that have been rather motivating. But I fall short of inspiration. So far, my attempts to make class interesting and fun have fallen short of what I'd call a success... but I'm thankful that Hafiza, Xiao Fung and Siew Gek gave me good feedback, and despite the naughty and rowdy nature of my guys, deep down inside, I can sense that there is that desire to do well... but the only thing I have to do, is try to open up that door... I know I can.. the only question is how.

Then, there's my 1D angels... it's kinda sad. I can feel myself becoming increasingly distant from them. And sadly, I think that that's the only way to go. I have to distance myself from them, so that when the time comes to leave them, it won't be that difficult, because I'd have known by then that I have no emotional attachments to them. But it's still sad, because when I see them, or those that I'm close to, there's an urge to talk to them, but a reluctance to do so. Somehow, it's also that feeling that I'm not that welcome into their life anymore as well. Ever since the whole fiasco with 23rd, somehow or rather, I've become more sensitive to situations like these. Or rather, to prevent another devastating blow, I've been preventing myself from coming to terms with such situations. I know I know, be more thick skinned right? But that's not me.

Then there's 1H. Hmm.. how shall i begin? I think the class is a very vocal and expressionistic class. They're those who like hands on more than anything else. And of course, they're those who have the attention spans of 5 minutes. So it's kinda evened out... haha... but I've got 8 more weeks with them, and I'll get to know them more as time goes by, i hope...

So, looking at it, Jacob tells me to be more patient with the students and myself... I guess I'll have to.

Dear Mandy,

Matthew 19:26
And looking at them Jesus said to them, " With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

I serve a mighty God. That much is certain. This entire week, I have been able to get through it through sheer hard work, and with the grace of God as my strength. I don't think I'd have been able to get through it any other way. It's amazing, really, when I think of it. I've had so much to do, and so little time, and yet, God provides for me in many ways.

Today, I suddenly received an sms on my hp, and I just went to check. Surprise of surprises when it came from MOE Scholarship Centre, asking me to check my e-mail for details on my application for an MOE Teaching Scholarship. So tentative me, jumped out of my bed where I was reading a book, grabbed my laptop, switched it on, and impatiently waited for it to boot up. The whole time, I prepared myself for the worse, thinking that it would tell me that my application was going to be unsuccessful. But would you believe it, I checked my e-mail, and they told me this:

"Dear Applicant
MOE TEACHING SCHOLARSHIPS

Please refer to your PSC scholarship application. As you had indicated “Teaching” as one of your choices, PSC has referred your application to MOE for our consideration.

Interviews will be conducted from April to June 2007. If you are shortlisted for an interview, we will contact you with the details of the interview. We will also inform all unsuccessful applicants. "

Well, I know that it's not really much to be happy about, because for all I know, I may not even make the shortlist. But I kept running into problems with my application for PSC... They don't even have my A level grades (B C C, it's not much I know), given that everything is computerised. I mean, they have my O Level grades.. how can they not have my A Level grades right? So I actually said a little prayer, and then left it be. I left it all in God's hands, and believed that if it was going to happen, then it would. So God answered this prayer of mine... I'm thankful. Praise God for his miracles.

I just watched this awfully impactful movie called "Facing the Giants." A movie that exudes God's glory, a movie that shows the power of God. I think that that really speaks for itself. That we should never give up, never back down. But most importantly, we should never lose faith.

I think that I'm losing faith in myself as a teacher, being honest. I faced it this week quite often. And I think that honestly? I really need to get myself away and re focus my priorities. I want to help my students to achieve what they can achieve, not because they feel they have to. But how can I do so? How can I make that happen? Miss Kannu told me something that made me feel a bit better. We can pray... and I was like, that's right. When all else fails, only through God can all things be possible. As long as our hearts are right, and our hearts are for God, then God will care about us, and the people we care for as well. Because we serve a great God.

I need some inspiration.. and I believe that God is there, and He will show me the way... but for now, I just have to keep being faithful, because I serve a Faithful God.

Hey Mandy,



I was just surfing around and came across Carrie Underwood's American Idol 4 Final single, "Inside Your Heaven." This song still never fails to amaze me that Carrie's vocals are pretty strong. And well, still gives me goosebumps at times as well... haha... I think she's become one of my favourite artistes. :)

Dear Mandy..

Passion. How oft it is that my life revolves around this word. It is a simple word, but it can mean the world to me. Be it being passionate about Victoria, or passionate about my work, or passionate about teaching, or passionate about my friends, the word is still, passion.

Today's OVA meeting really enlightened me on a lot of things. Things about Victoria, things about teaching, and on a side note, certain revelations, that I'm unable to talk about at this point of time... and the thing is, it got me thinking... and I found myself yearning once again for somebody to talk to... this week, the holidays in general, I've been sleeping a lot, reading a fair bit, did some work, but mostly, I think that I'm still trying to find some sort of peace to my inner self. I've been talking a lot to Xiao Yuan (who seems to be rather preoccupied this period of time), ShuXin (who REALLY shouldbe taking better care of her ankle), Gayne (who needs to rest a little bit more), Jacob (working in KL at the moment...) and Hui Zhi (Who should be on her way home from her 2nd performance for Evocation 2007).

Somehow... talking to the above 5 just make me feel better... especially to Jacob and Gayne... I could just be totally free and open to them... more to Jacob of late, since Gayne's having her A Level year, so she's awfully busy... I try as much as possible not to disturb her. But yesterday, I told Jacob that I'm quite tired emotionally... and in the end, we started to talk heart to heart... of course, the puns would come in as is the normal case for the both of us, but in the end, I guess we actually talked about things that were really affecting us. It felt kinda good...

Well, as for today's meeting, I heard some things, and I started to think a lot a lot. About teaching, about Victoria. I realised how important it is to have your heart in the right place when you teach, and about how you approach the students... how you can encourage and motivate them to do better, how you can make their lives a difference. Because as a teacher, like it or not, the students are watching your every move, and they actually do, to a certain extent, listen to what you say. I dunno... but if you show that you genuinely care, they actually listen a little more. And I need to stop treating a lesson like a lesson, and try to take it as an opportunity to make a difference... How can I make a lesson come to life... that's something I think I have to really really reflect on... Even though I'm doing casual relief... how can I make the lesson worth the time... that's probably a challenge that I have to look at now, and one, I'm very certain, I will be happy to tackle.

About Victoria... I think that there's cause to fight not. I can somehow sense that the bitterness that has been building inside of me, has finally found an avenue to speak out. I'm glad that it may come soon... well, let's see where it goes.

I'll reflect about all these tomorrow... or on saturday when I'm at VJC... I'm just looking forward to my personal time and peace...

Dear Mandy,



Ok, I think that this is the Youtube one... :)

Anyway, The song is called "Don't forget to remember me" by Carrie Underwood. The lyrics are as follows:

"Don’t Forget to Remember Me
(Morgan Hayes, Kelley Lovelace, Ashley Gorley)

Eighteen years had come and gone
For Momma they flew by
But for me they drug on and on
We were loadin’ up that Chevy
Both tryin’ not to cry
Momma kept on talkin’ puttin’ off goodbye
Then she took my hand and said
Baby don’t forget

1st Chorus:
Before you hit the highway you better stop for gas
And there’s a fifty in the ashtray if you run short on cash
Here’s a map and here’s a Bible if you ever lose your way
Just one more thing before you leave
Don’t forget to remember me

This downtown apartment sure makes me miss home
And those bills there on the counter
Keep tellin’ me I’m on my own
Just like every Sunday I called Mama up last night
And even when it’s not I tell her everything’s all right
Before we hung up I said
Hey Mama don’t forget

2nd Chorus:
To tell my baby sister I’ll see her in the fall
Tell Mama that I miss her yeah I should giver her a call
And make sure that you tell daddy that I’m still his little girl
Yeah I still feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be
But don’t forget to remember me

Bridge:
Tonight I find myself kneelin’ by the bed to pray
Haven’t done this in a while so i don’t know what to say
But Lord I feel so small sometimes in this big old place
Yeah I know there’s more important things
But don’t forget to remember me"

Well, I think that the lyrics are awfully touching... I mean, it's not often I find a song that can put such emotions into words and into such a touching song as well... there's a lot of things that I think we can all relate to at some point of time... MOre importantly, the little things that we take for granted in everyday life... like "Telling your daddy that you're still his little girl", "praying to the Lord", and other things..

But to me, most importantly, don't forget to remember the people who you love and cherish each and every day... Hope you all like this song.

(P.S., if this doesn't work, I'll go and upload the youtube video instead...)

Dear Mandy,

I think that today's service was really good. This entire series on the book of Ephesians has been quite an enriching and visual one, what with Ps Khong doing all his actions to signify the two things: The Belt of Truth and the Breastplate of Righteousness, which are only parts of the Armour of God. As Warriors of Light, we all ought to put on the Armour of God in our quest to overcome Satan's hold on us. For in 2 Corinthians 2: 14 states "But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place." And as Warriors of God, the armour of God is an essential piece of defense.

Today, the 3 main pointers were to 1) Remove the old self, 2) Renew the mind and 3) To put on the new self. Ultimately, it's a step to make this year truly a year of Victory. So far, God has shown his powers in the numerous events he has made a success, and in answering my prayers also... though not all, but most of them. ANd I'm still trying to learn about His reasons as to why things happen, but I also know that sometimes, I won't know until much later, even a few years later. But I trust in God's plan... because I know that it is beautiful.

As the holidays loom up ahead, I feel that I need my personal time... sometime to seek God and feel God, and also some time to reflect on everything that has happened thus far. For quite some time now, I found myself pretty suppressed and everything... and it wasn't until that time that I started running and everything that I found out how suppressed I was. And how important personal time is. Ahh... looking forward to a run by the beach and then a talk by the beach with either close friends, or God... either way, I think that I'd feel much more refreshed after my personal time, and also some prayer time. I think that Joel is right.. I do need time to myself... :)

Dear Mandy,

I just finished watching 2 Korean movies and the 2nd disc of 7th Heaven Season 2... yay... I finally managed to get some time off to watch them... I didn't go for the NUS Openhouse in the end, I was so tired that I slept until it was about 3pm... so yeah, I technically missed cell as well, and feeling very guilty about that... :(

Though the first movie, "Bungee jumping of their own" was relatively weird, I did like the ending quote, that is now my sub-nickname on MSN. "It's not just because I love you... it's because all I can do, is love you." I think that's an awfully sweet line... but to mean it... well, that's another thing altogether... don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you'll never love someone? It's just... I don't think I've ever reached the stage whereby I love someone so much to the extent that everything I do, I do it for that person... Of course, no matter how much I love God, I can never love Him as much as He loves us... but to love someone mortal so much... I just cannot imagine how powerful and touching that must be...

But the 2nd movie, "Now and Forever" was really one heck of a good movie. I initially thought that the title of the movie was just about a guy loving a girl, that even after she dies, he would still love her forever. I mean, most Korean dramas are like that. So i watched it, and the story develops pretty nicely... A playboy falls in love... in real love for the very first time. And the lady is in the hospital for a terminal disease... and it's really touching, the things that he did... learning how to fish because she wanted to go fishing... driving his car and placing it at the bus stop because he knew that it would be too late to get a bus... recording a video clip and asking the phone company to send it to her phone at exactly midnight... buying her a new phone... and a lot more... and she's so strong as well... always putting on a brave front and being happy despite her condition. And well, they start going out and everything? And then, of course, there came the time when she refused to see or talk to him because she wanted him out of her life... At that point, i thought it was because he found out about her condition, that's why he was so upset... but that wasn't the case, as i found out much much later in the movie. So anyway, in order to win her back, he went to apologise to each and every one of the girls that he had hurt previously... and finally, one girl gave him the evidence that he had tried to apologise... and she got so touched that they started dating officially.

That started another sweet part, but the punch came when he suffered a very bad headache and ate medicine, and it was then that the audience would find out that he had been diagnosed with a brain tumour, and he won't live for much longer either... and at the same time, the girl was sent to the hospital for a relapse... then, they sneak out of the hospital to see this tree that she grew up with during her childhood. And they were originally 2 trees... but the trees loved each other so much that they intertwined their branches and eventually became one. And this kinda reminded me of what I had just read in the Bible... that when a man leaves his father and mother to be with his wife, they are no longer 2 separate people but they become one. I guess that tree personifies that particular fact.

On the plane ride home, the girl suffers a relapse, and upon touchdown, was sent directly to the hospital. While moving to the Emergency room, the guy suffers a relapse and he collapses as well...and the girl dies without seeing the guy, but she whispers "Saranghaeyo" which only the guy can hear... days after, the guy goes back to the tree, to receive a video sms that she had reserved for to send to him that very day. And in it, she talks about their past, and said that she wasn't going to Heaven alone, because she knew about his condition. And all along, she pretended that she didn't know... and the video ends off with her saying "Thank you so much for loving me." THus, the title, "Now and Forever"...

I know, I'm a romantic sap, but I can't help it. Hahaha... that being said, I also know that I have to set apart my boundaries right. I'm starting to get awfully close to my angels, and I read just now in Chicken Soup for the teenage Soul Journal this quote "I'm learning more and more that love plus attachment equals pain." and I think that this really applies... Because when I leave them, I think that I'd be quite sad... oh I dunno... but I do know that I have to be careful of the ground I'm treading on... and keep a mental note of the way I treat my kids as well. I guess I have to be more aware now that I'm a teacher, and that I'm almost 21... I have to be more responsible.

Weather these days has been rather humid... *grumble*... if only it snowed in Singapore. Hahaha... :)

Dear Mandy,

It's the end of Term 1 of Academic Year 2007. And I guess I ended on a high... Because I ended the day by talking to my angels, seeing their report cards, and also managed to squeeze in time to talk to Yuxiao, Yi Wei, Shereen, Serene and also Adeline... and they got me thinking.

Well, firstly, I talked to Yi Wei and Shereen first, and we had a talk about grades and entry to JC. Honestly speaking, this year's admission criteria has been really demanding and everything... Suzanne didn't make it to VJC with partial 6, so things are looking to be more and more stringent for everyone. And as a result, people have to work harder, and do better in order to make their admission a guaranteed thing. Is it necessarily good? Perhaps... it makes people work for what they want... but well... I guess we'll have to wait and see.

I managed to get a peek at my angels' report cards also. XY got 18, Carissa got 25, Shyn Yee got I think it's 16, Am got 11, and Asyiqin got 19. Hahhaa.. not too bad not too bad. Quite proud of them le. A lot of them have made significant improvements... when you look at their Pri Sch results, them attaining such grades have shown the amount of effort that they have put into their work, and it makes me as a teacher awfully happy and proud of my angels.

Then, I chatted to Yuxiao for quite some time also... and Yuxiao made me feel both paiseh and quietly happy at the same time. MIss Jia, as I call her, confided in me that she was quite unhappy cause all the good teachers that she had are all leaving... Miss Seet handed her class to MIss Mok, I'm leaving soon as well, as did her last year teacher. So, I dunno... it gave me the quiet confidence that I'm doing well. But paiseh also, because I'm kinda overshadowing certain perm staff... and it scares me to a certain extent, because I'm just teaching based on passion and inspiration... and it seems like God's showing me that a simple heart can do a lot, and that faith can move mountains... Praise God... :)

As the holidays loom ahead, I look forward to a break as well as training! I need to run... haha... training regime with Zhiyuan up ahead!! Haha.. onwards!!

Dear Mandy,

A lot of thoughts are flowing through my head at this moment, as we speak. I feel like there's really a lot of things that are falling on me, and I'm actually feeling kinda overwhelmed.

Be it ethics, work or just in general, emotions, there just seems to be something there that's bothering me, and though for some, I know quite obviously what it is, but for the others, I'm still trying to find out what exactly it is... for the ethics part, I think that I seriously need to reevaluate myself and how close I'mg etting with the kids... including a mental check each time I approach a student... not only the female ones, the male ones included. Avoid showing favouritism is also another thing. It's like, I cannot show a student that I don't like as much less concern than I do a normal student. Hmmm... I also dunno really. I think that that is one thing that I have to work on when I become a full fledged teacher... being less baised.

About work... hmmm... I dunno if being casual relief is really what I'm looking for. But I will stay in the school. If not for the kids, if not for 1D, I may consider moving elsewhere where I have a permanent teaching slot. But, I also realised that there are kids here that need my help, or whatever help I can offer them, given that I myself have limited powers. But sometimes, when I see the kids, I just feel like giving my all to help them. It even prompted Yue Woon and Val to say that looking at what I'm doing for the kids, they're not surprised I have no time for a gf. Haha...and that coming from Yue Woon means something... in any case, I am thankful for God for having placed me here... I learnt a lot, and seen a lot, and it further strengthened my desire to teach.

As for emotional issues. THat's the one I can't seem to decipher what's wrong. I mean, I was just letting my thoughts wander just now, and it kinda occurred to me that I have no idea what's making my heart so heavy... I think that it's maybe an emotional phase, and I think that the holidays will give me the time I need to clear my thoughts and do some reflection on the last term. It's no secret that being emotional is still my biggest flaw to date... and my mood swings, though considerably much lesser, is still present. In small doses, it becomes more bearable and easier to manage. But the question is still at large... why am I feeling this way? I guess I'll need to find out why.

Hmmm, well, today I saw Yi Wei and Shereen being called for detention because they missed lessons for the SC General Meeting. Was genuinely surprised, as of all the councillors, I look very highly upon Yi Wei, Adeline and Shereen... but well, sometimes, the best leaders also slip, that much I must admit. And it's through these slips that they learn and become better leaders.

Been sharing a lot of things with my kids these last few days as well. Took them for Eng remedial yesterday, and well, I introduced a couple of quotes to them as well...

"Yesterday's history, Tomorrow's a mystery, Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."
"To achieve great things, one must not only dream, but also act, not only act but also believe." -Anatole France

Those were just a couple of the quotes that I shared, and I actually had fun teaching them about tenses and everything. Honestly, I do love teaching a class that I'm prepared for, and especially when the class is full of my lovely kids. Though some are definitely attitude problem and what not, but I guess that deep down inside, there exists a kid that's yearning to learn... I hope I'm right about that analogy.

I picked up a copy of the reading material for the Sec 1s, and I was deeply impacted by the story of the boy who would call his hometown information booth with regards to any question he had... be it geography, math, or how to spell the word "fix". And each time, the same operator would pick up, and before long, he established a friendship with the operator. Now, we all grow up, and so did he, and he moved away. But he'd stil yearn to call the information sometimes... So he did, and well, the same operator picked up, and they both realised how much they had impacted each other. A few months later, the operator passed away, but she left a note for the boy... on it, she wrote, "Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He will understand." And he did.

Question here is, as teachers, we deal with our students everyday, and like it or not, they look up to us as a teacher, as a role model... and more importantly, as a friend. And then, I found myself thinking... have I managed to impact my kids? And also, have I been an impact to my friends? I'd like to think the answer is yes. In a way, subtle or directly, I have played a part in someone's life... and positively, I hope. It does make you feel good, and very often, we find outselves in need to be appreciated. Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking to be acknowledged, or appreciated, but I'd just like to tell my friends who're reading my blog that whatever you have done to impact me or leave a memory with me is greatly appreciated.

Well, it's going to be 2 more days... I hope that it'll be a good 2 days before the break... :)

Dear Mandy,

I was starting to write a post to you, but my kids started approaching me with their problems, so I had to log out before I could come back and carry on writing. Amazing how these 13 year olds have so many things to ask, and that Asyiqin is one girl who definitely needs to cultivate patience. The girl has the patience of an ant! Dun get me online only then spam my tagboard. *Grumble* Someday should force her to do 1 hour of quiet, silent reading.

And then that Xue Qi. Go and see my friends' blogs and then leave a tag asking them for my e-mail add. I think I got quite paiseh about it cause when u get e-mails and smses from ur close friends asking about a tag from a girl named Xue Qi, you kinda get pretty embarrassed cause it reflects that you can't seem to handle your class.

But that aside, this week thus far has been rather eventful, and if I may say so myself, full of God's grace and His work in me. Let me start with the preparation phase leading up to Victorians' Day.

Since I already talked about Tuesday, I'm just going to fast forward it over to Thursday first. Given that Thursday was the
day that the Elects were going to clear out the banner room and all, I went down to supervise them. As expected, they were released late from their meeting with the 23rd, and well, I couldn't supervise them as much as I would have liked to. And of course, the incident with Marc. I kinda get the idea that 23rd just don't want me around... haha... perhaps it's because I've been too blatant about their flaws and the flaws of their seniors. But I'm okay with it. Because, I kinda realised that there's really not much point in helping out the newer Council batches. I'm not keen to use my OVA authority and stamp it all over just so I can have a say in the Council development, and I have no other authority to do anything else. So, I'm thinking twice about returning for Elects camp, and though I appreciate the tactful approach by Marc, I also did tell him that his Council has loopholes to close.

Had a meeting with James after that, and the Elects surprised me when they finished clearing the room by 8.30pm! Super efficient manz! And of course,I used whatever opportunity I could to hone the Elects' leadership. But it wasn't a lot, definitely, and when I left school, I just kinda felt like 24th seemed to be performing better than 23rd at this point in time.

Friday saw a mad frenzy, and the A Level result release. Quite thankful that God answered my prayers that those that I care about like Gwen managed to secure grades that are relatively good. Also, quite glad that VJC did well. Then, Jacob came down, and we started the meeting with the SC and CT. Then the execution phase... Due to the rain, and the A Level result release, a lot of unforseen circumstances popped out of nowhere, and we found ourselves having to work on a reactivity phase. Of course, we did what we could, and were left with a couple of banners and the hall setup to go. THen, it was mass dance with the elects... that didn't go very well, cause I kept having to be somewhere else and everything... but overall, I think I had a good prep.

Had a meeting with James after that and talked things out with him. Victorians' Day was looming, at at that point of time, somehow, God seemed to tell me that the response would hit at most 300. So I told him so, but I think in the end, we both agreed that this event has been a relatively good journey thus far, and that we would leave everything to tomorrow. Then after that, Sanjay and I shifted to T11, where we had a long chat about the past and everything, before the gang reappeared and we had a quick closure.

THen, Aud, Jacob and I stayed overnight at VJC, and we had a fun time, if I say so myself. We did out own work, before we ended off with a long chat session that ended off with all of us finding out things that we never knew. Of course, I got suaned by Jacob lar... but I did enjoy catching up with Aud, and most importantly, bonding more with Jacob.

When we awoke the next morning, we packed up, and in no time, kickstarted the entire preparation phase at 7.30am in the morning. Efficiency and a sense of urgency were prevalent as we got the preparatory work done by 8.30am. I cannot remember clearly what else I was involved in, because everything just seemed to happen in a blur... I found myself being so engrossed in everything before I finally ended up waiting for Ser Luck at the porch. Ser Luck arrived, we went to the hall, and in no time, we started the event with the anthem, followed by a minute of silence for the VJC girl who passed away recently. Then, Ser Luck spoke a few words, and the exhibition game began! We lost 2-1 to the teachers, despite fielding a slip shot team... but in the end, what was important was that it was a good start, and then Ser Luck went over to the rock wall, where he attempted to conquer it. THen, he went for the prata breakfast, and I found sometime to actually walk around and savour the event itself.

The thing is... though the event was kinda sparse? But nevertheless, I could feel the VJC heartbeat pulsating slowly in the event. It felt like a mild awakening... the start of a rekindled fire... and I felt... suddenly... at ease with the college once again. It was like, all the college needed was us to return... the alumni to our alma mater... homecoming. Wow. The hall was the most vibrant... Chi Ching mommy was great! Haha.. she always is... but what touched me most was really, my committee and the way they rallied to get the event to fall where they may... everyone had a role to play... everyone fulfilled their role...

There was Sanjiv, the registration man. Sanjay, the logistician. Deepak the master of ceremony. Sanjee the sportsman. Shefong the pinch hitter. Audrey the stage manager. And of course, Jacob the troubleshooter. Of course, I have to thank Sangeeta and Zahida, who though could not be there for the event, were instrumental in the planning process as well. They made this V-Day the most successful thus far, and I'm awfully thankful. Of course, there were the VS Side to thank. Steven, Gim Sen, Lynal, Seng Huat, Edrei and Huei Siang. ANd my buddy, Zhiyuan.

The finale of mass dance had a less than anticipated response, but nevertheless, I had fun. Dancing friendship with Audrey... dancing mass dance with the members of 20th who were there. The mood ended pretty well... and well, I think that honestly, the event went well... especially the floorball and the prata! Hahhaa...

Of course, when I went home, I was already pretty tired, so I took a nap. I awoke only to find myself in cold sweat and shivering badly... Yeah... I fell sick, and as a result, I couldn't go to support Vee... I feel very bad... cause all along I had been unable to fulfill meeting Vee. Sigh... I could hardly down dinner cause of a bad sore throat and feeling queasy all over... but I managed to watch the Man U - Liverpool game, where Man U won. After which, I jus slept all the way till the next morning 9am.

Went to church, and well, God touched me in His amazing ways again. I was feeling really down and out, and I think it could be seen during worship. Then, Joel came to me, and asked me if there was anything he could pray for me for. And I said "To feel better?" And well, Joel just prayed. He started by praying that God would heal me, and of which, i felt better, and my cough subsided. But then suddenly, he paused. And told me "The Lord wants me to tell you that He loves you. Fall into His embrace and drink deep of His love. Don't judge your success but trust in His plan for me." Well, and it seemed that God was telling me all that. Because the next song was "From the inside out", and needless to say, I started to cry...

My thoughts actually started to wander from that point forth... and well, though I returned to my hyper self.. or rather, a shadow of it, my mind was elsewhere. Sure, I took notes on what Ps Khong was saying, and I felt that it did appeal to me, but inwardly, I think that I was honestly seeking for an answer to things... I didn't find it that day, but I could feel God telling me that in due time, He'd show me the answer.

We had a tribe meeting later... and it was a good meeting. Ps Jimmy challenged us to try to start the day with God... and I felt that God was gently calling me that I would be ready soon to try it, as I shared with our cell. And I believe that, once this school term ends, it's time to bring my devotion with God one notch higher.

Well, it's a new week, a new beginning. May the Grace of God see me through! :)