Dear Mandy,

Ecclesiastes 3:10-11
10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Where life suddenly became a very emotional journey for myself, I'm brought once again back to the foot of the cross. What do I mean? Well... let's see..

To say that after working so much in society, I've become rather jaded with all the hidden facets of working life that people always never say about. The politics, the ironies, the system that threatens to destroy the passion that people joined the particular profession for. Ultimately the fact that we are all just human never fails to sink into this particular part of reality. How oft it has been that the innocent, naive outlook on the world just seems to sink back into a deep, bottomless pit that leaves us groping in amazement at the wonder of how dark the world really is.

Sure... we find along the way moments of joy, and moments that serve to let us remember the passion that we joined our profession for. And yet... I'm beginning to realise that it's difficult for passion to sustain when there're so many factors that threaten to stifle that passion, and put an end to creativity and innovation. In a sense, Pastor was right when he said today in SOL that Singaporean minds have been programmed to always strive to be the best. It isn't until we all get much older that we realise our childhood could have been really sad. Sure, we're thankful that we managed to get such a good education, and even because of it, we're where we are, but it's rather sad when we see that grades are all that matters, and see a gradual loss of mannerisms and charisma that once was predominant in students. And in a sense, this competitive edge that was instilled in us can be what leads us to backstab each other in an attempt to make it, once again, to the top of our respective fields. It becomes a devious, entangled web of deceit and war, which, in all honesty, irks me. Whoever said war had to be fought by the armies when our personal wars are enough?

And then, there're the standards of society that we have to relate to, and the conformities that silently dictate the way we work. It does get draining, but then, things took a twist.

Of the last 2 weeks, the book of Daniel kept being raised up. Both in SOL, in service and even by Rainie. It's been quite amazing, and well, I stopped to think about what God was trying to tell me. And it hit me all at once, when Rev Melvyn was praying for Pastor Eugene today. There's going to be a lot of challenges that are going to rise up, and I need to be courageous, having a pure heart, and the ability to move amongst kings to get through these challenges.

Today during service, they were singing 'Beautiful saviour', and well, I cried. I really didn't want to... but God seemed to convict me, and I fell to my knees and prayed. Praise God, for Joel then knelt beside me, and prayed for me. God seemed to send him Ecclesiastes 3:10-11 to say to me, and Joel told me 3 times before he ended the prayer that God loves me. And I really believed it, and I knew, that yes, God is moving powerfully amongst us.

Today's message was on Abraham, and as I listened, I realised that the 2nd and 3rd point that Rev Melvyn was talking about spoke a lot to me. Walking in step even though we don't understand, and worshipping in sacrifice even when we cannot afford it. The essence of it all was, very simply, until we have obeyed, we will not understand, faith comes from the word of God, and to beieve in God for the impossible and to give back to God the greatest blessings that He has given us.

I responded to altar call... I realised that I needed direction, and well, I just basked in the Lord's presence and His love washed over me. I knew then and there, that God will provide a way out for me, but it's only whether I trust him. I told Joel what happened later, and He told me that God is speaking very powerfully to me, and that I should learn to trust God and His plans for us in all that we do. In God's time, He would make all things beautiful...

Without a doubt, I really thank Rainie for having been there for me. For listening to me tell her the details of what happened in camp, and for being my confidante in times of desolation. I really am thankful to her for having been there for me, and I pray that God will continue to watch over our relationship, and that He would send His angels to protect us. I guess right now, we all just need God...

Praise God for His unconditional love, and all of His blessings!

Dear Mandy,

Well, it's been a while, and where normally I'd blog about my camps, somehow, I feel compelled to blog about something else.

These few days have really been quite draining... emotionally, physically and mentally.. I guess that to run around from place to place after camp really doesn't help in making you feel any more rested...

I think back about my Secondary School, JC and army days, and suddenly realise that I miss those days, all of a sudden. When you become an adult, you suddenly realise that you're pretty much on your own... you have to fend for yourself, increased responsibility, and more often than not, you find yourself in a huge, lonely world of your own, and you miss the days of being in a bunk, or being in school, working with a bunch of dynamic individuals who you had made such a strong bond with.

Be it VSPB, Council or my army buddies, the main fact remains that when you felt troubled, you knew that you could just walk into any of their rooms, or turn to any of them during school, and you know that they're there for you. And we can also end up sharing our fears and our worries together... that's what I guess I was missing. Now, working as a camp instructor, I found back a bit of that open option when we all finally find time after lights out or during wash-up that we sit and try to bond. But the sad fact is, very rarely is it anything more than just friends... there's not much sharing of your inner fears, and more commonly, there sometimes isn't anything more than just working together to get things done.

But I'm quite glad that God blessed me with a wonderful tribe, who's quite supportive of things. But more importantly, I'm very thankful that God blessed me with Rainie, Jacob and ZhiYuan. Jacob and ZhiYuan have been the most influential pillars of support and advice, and have been there for me when I needed guidance in certain things.

But Rainie has been everything to me. She's been my confidante, my secret keeper. The one that I turn to when the sun doesn't seem to shine, and the one that never gives up on me. I share the most with her these days... and I feel that it's not going to be the end. For someone so young, she displays a maturity that belies her age, and that honestly makes me very glad that I have someone like her. Praise God for His blessings and His miracles.... because He gave me one in Rainie...