Dear Mandy...

Another week has passed, and it seems to me as though I'm living it a week by a week... And it's really kinda weird to me, because I realise that it becomes increasingly harder for me to keep track of time in general cause I cannot really remember everything that has happened within a week anymore... I'll try to recap...

So far, in camp wise, the most interesting thing that has happened to me must be the fact that CO Conference held on Friday started at 0830 hours till 1630 hours, and I'm not joking... I was struggling to stay awake the moment the CO Conference became the SMS Audit meeting... And the thing is... I have absolutely no idea how detailed my minutes are going to be, because the meeting had a life of it's own... like, a new topic can just literally develop by itself, and I'm left wondering how in the WORLD am I going to write about that point, and then a totally new topic comes out of nowhere, and I'm left trying to grasp where my minutes is going to come from, and how I'm going to handle my minutes. Not fun, I swear.

Then well, I had a friendly chat with my boss, and he praised my batch of officers... well, those that he sees working often I suppose? Me, Gabriel, Meng Kit, Zhiyuan, Maureen, John, etc.. and I really felt quite happy when he did it... and of course, he told me some of my mistakes, and that made me really understand where I needed to improve as a dys3. Well, I really am thankful for such an understanding boss... and also for the really hardworking and meticulous trg spec and ops WO that I have... :)

Now, I'm once again ever thankful for the good friends that I have in camp, of late, Gabriel, Maureen and Zhiyuan... for being there for me, and listening to me, and stuff like that... Gabriel for work related things, Maureen and Zhiyuan for other stuff...

Now, on to things out of camp? Well, I'm beginning to understand how important it is to be unconditionally there for someone you honestly love... as in, it's really surprising how I just wish for her to be happy... and how I'm really willing to take all the unhappiness, as long as she's happy. But it can really be very saddening and disconcerting, to the extent that I end up being melancholy and withdrawn and immersing myself in work, ending up losing track of time, I suppose.. resulting in my present memory lapses. But, I'm pretty certain what I'm doing will eventually result in me being happy, because if it makes her happy... I will be happy too.

Dear Mandy...

I'm afraid I've done something wrong, and I'm afraid that I've lost someone very important to me because I said the wrong thing... I really don't know. I'm paranoid now...

I spend half my day today walking with some of the 22nd around Singapore... from VJC to Bedok Reservoir park to Tampines Mall to Hougang Heartland mall... and it was a last minute on impulse thing that I did... I ended up enjoying the walk, the company, it felt so much like EOCC days... and also because it took my mind off a lot of things that have been pressing on me for the last week or so. I guess I was so lost in the walking and enjoying the moment that I ended up being pretty much over excited, and over tired at the end. My knees started aching like they did after 24km route march, and I guess I know that I pushed myself a tad too hard... but I enjoyed it... that's what's important... it's been sometime since I last enjoyed pushing myself past the limit.

Also, the 7km run with Meng Siong and Syazwan this morning... we ran at a comfortable pace, and we chatted the whole time through, just like old days in VS and VJC... it felt awfully good... Meeting up with friends who I haven't seen for a long time... And it's with two friends who've been with me since Sec 1. I realise how much I appreciate such meetings now...

It does make me wonder about how much time I'll actually have to catch up with my friends once I actually head out to the working world... I'm kind of sad that some of us will definitely drift away, and some will go on their own individual ways, but I guess that the memories we shared are very much important, and they'll always be to me.

Dear Mandy...

Hey... what a week this has been! I've been so busy, I completely forgot which day of the week I was in, and I kept thinking of the wrong things on the wrong dates. I wish I had a nice family back in VJC, but I'm glad for the understanding boss I have, and the committed Officer colleagues that I have.

I was so drained this week.. gosh. Haha... but it's perfectly fine with me... it takes my mind off certain things, and from thinking too much. So I'd really prefer to be drained and just totally hide away in my small little corner in the mess and not be bothered by people. Haha... I can live with being low profile, in fact, I think I'd probably love it... I've really had enough of being known... I'd like to be less well known now... to finally be able to focus on the things I want to...

It sounds like a simple wish right? And it honestly is... I just... I dunno. Haha... it seems kinda impossible for that to happen to me... no matter who I tell of this wish... they'll all say that that won't happen. Haha... I guess that may be true... but I'll try.

I got very disappointed on Wednesday... but I knew better than to let it show. It's no big reason la... just... something. :)

Dear Mandy...

I'm appalled... I think I should hide away... I cannot believe how over confident I think of myself, nor the way of how pushy I actually have become... It's not good... not good at all... Can I be the same me I once was?

I need to be less caring, less sensitive, less emotional and not think so much. I should work until I drop. I shouldn't care abt people.

What should I do?

Dear Mandy...

I've got so much on my mind, I'm bogged! Haha... there's a lot of things I need to do... but then again, I'm still apprehensive about taking a step forward and talking to higher authorities... Though I am glad about the very nice superiors that I have.

VS130.... haha... the organising committee for the VS 130th Anniversary Dinner... I'm looking forward to having a blast being the YOUNGEST member of the committee... Hee... It's like organising a mass scale gala dinner, quite like Council days, but I'd have to balance it with my work, and also, all the up and coming activities that my S3 has put me in as well, though I'm happy that 2 of the 3 major activities will be over by 16th Feb o6... haha. I think it'd be a good experience... and a good learning event for me. I know that I may complain a bit, but I believe in the end, I will be happy I joined. :)

I have my IPPT to clear, my SOC to clear... My Combat shoot is coming up... sighhhh... Haha... I see my responsibilities all coming up, and I'm slightly overwhelmed by everything I have to do... Haha... It's a good challenge though, and now I guess I understand why Dy S3 is not an easy job. Then again, any role is never easy, and until you fully grasp it, you won't enjoy it... but up till now, I think I quite like my job, save the fact that I need to find some time to run... maybe I ought to wake up earlier... haha...

Valentine's day or in my case, friendship day is coming up. Haha... happy Friendship day, everyone. I think I'll have SMS Audit that very day. Sadly... haha... but then again, there's no one special that I have to do anything for though, and well, if you honestly ask me... haha... nvm... personal thought.

I went up to NTU for the 2nd time in 2 months on Thursday, and I met Jessamyn, Maggie, Wenting, Jacqueline Seng, Sara and Tingting... haha... and Maggie and Wenting started joshing me about remembering Lily Chan and Xinhui... dunno la... haha... but they seem pretty stressed with Uni... not having enough time for themselves, and things like that... but I'd honestly like to try it out...

I don't know what to do with my life... haha... I guess I get that a lot.