Dear Mandy...

Life these couple of days has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, and I don't know where to begin... I'll start with the all time lows first. Yingz and I are currently on a timeout... Being in army means I don't have as much time to spend as I used to, and well, it affected our relationship a lot... I grew to realise that I complain too much about Army, and i listened less... Sub-consciously, I've changed and I didn't realise it... I guess it's true when they say that the Army ruins relationships... I finally see it, and some other friends too... I don't know... the Army... it isn't what it says out there... it's a whole new ball game. So now, I'm in a loss of what to do, but I still believe there's hope.

Lots of my friends are going overseas... Grace, Anhua, Kristy... sigh.. makes me wonder when 20th will ever have a full gathering again... I guess that's not possible for the time being, what with the guys all in NS, and the girls working and going to uni soon... I miss my friends... And i also realise that I'd better take the time now to catch up and spend time with them before they go overseas and I don't see them for 4 years perhaps?

I went for VJC soccer finals... We lost by a really small margin... what with a penalty shootout and no lights... everyone was upset... really, and the match support though not fantastic, but was evident that the red shirts placed effort in their cheering. After the loss, they cried, and I was reminded greatly... of our year soccer finals, when we lost in somewhat similar ways... I understood how they felt, and throughout the year, the soccer guys had placed a lot of effort in training... that day, 20th red shirts were all upset... David and i cried, Sharon, Joanna, Priya... and all of us were upset... but I hope the red shirts benefit from this experience... and sincerely hope that it will make things better for Council.

Despite the unhappy sides, there's stil the happy moments... I met up with 20th during soccer finals, and what a meeting it was! It involved a ride from National Stadium to Chomp Chomp, and from there to Sharon's house to have dinner... It was a huge dinner manz... Stingray, chicken wings, carrot cake, ice cream float, murtabak, rojak... huge dinnner manz. It amounted to about $140... and we chatted a lot... about the old days... but I guess we've all changed in some way or other... and it was nice to see how people matured... the missing finally appeared... but there were others who we wished could be there but weren't there... But I have hope that things will be better for 20th... we have strong bonds... and i hope it remains that way.

And about Army... I'll try to be optimistic... but it's hard... I'l try.

dear Mandy...

Okay, I must admit... I'm not in the best of moods everytime I have to book in, and when I'm in camp, I want to get out of there. It's not right, I know, and well, I wonder if I'm the only one who's feeling that way. I still can't get SOC right... First it was low rope and low wall, now it's low wall and swing trainer... I at least still manage to get over the low wall, albeit with some difficulty, but a different obstacle awaits me everytime... I wonder why... I have to meet the 9min 30 sec target to pass SOC in OCS standards, and to meet the 9min target to pass SOC in Sierra Wing's standards... I have quite low morale and confidence in there... and the feeling clearly sucks...

Life's like that, and I guess that I'm not going to be able to pass on Monday, but I'll still try my best and aim for under 9 minutes... I shouldn't let it get me down if I don't meet the 9 minutes and have to go for training, cause the training will do me good... Need to have a stronger mindset as well... and need to be myself again... I've been unable to be the enthusiastic, exuberant me, the crazy and wild me in here, though occasionally I do let it show... plus, I don't really feel very comfortable opening up to people in here... feel like I'm inferior or something... the male ego... it never fails to show up. Haha... lots of stress, but it'll do me good.

I'm sorry to my friends that I haven't been able to meet up with you all and keep in contact. I wish very much that I could, but circumstances now do not allow me to do so... Just want to drop u all a msg that u are still held very closely in my heart, and that I miss all of you lots. There's a lot of catching up to be done... with 20th, Anhua, Abby, my study group and lots and lots of other people... Know I've been relatively MIA for sometime, but I'll be back when the situation allows me to... so guys, don't forget me, cause I won't forget you.

And to my dear Yingz, I love u lots...! :)