Heyz Mandy...

Been some time since i last logged on to talk to u.... things in the army aren't as what i expected it to be... And of course, things really have been spiralling in a way that I didn't expect. Let me go into whatever i can, cause I'm not allowed to disclose SAF things.

I'm slightly disillusioned by what I'm seeing... and NCC leadership is def a difference from SAF leadership, but both has it's good and bad points of course... but I do so much prefer the old style of leadership by example and uniformity of it all. Efficiency and decisiveness is also less seen, and honestly... it's not what i expected larz... that's all...

My platoon is not bad, quite interesting personalities and good people that I enjoy working and being with. But there's not that usual sense of camaraderie... it feels more.... temporary between me and a lot of them... things are much different now, and it's hard to know when pple are real and when they're not... yeahz...

I became more self conscious of the things i do, and how successful i am... pitting myself quietly against certain pple, and well, when i don't do well, i lose a major lot of confidence in myself. Also, I'm unable to clear a lot of things there in the army... fall sick easily, that kinda thing? Yeahz... and also not a lot of time to myself and my friends. Using snail mail to catch up with certain people, but i know for sure... I'm not keeping up with them, and our friendship will be strained in some sense... sadly. NS isn't really worth so much time and effort if it stand against a lot of things u believe in... But I have no choice... so I'll just have to do my best.

Time flies, but memories stay. That's something I'm realising. I'm losing the naive thoughts i used to have, and becoming accustomed to the touch and go of life, but the long lasting impressions of the memories forged seems more important. Don't get me wrong. I still cherish my close and best friends... but life isn't allowing me to know pple better. Sigh.

Peace out.